Title: Head Case 4
Name: Joy
Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com
Rating: PG 13
Max violently shook and found herself unable to speak. She had a vague awareness that she was wet and in Logan's bedroom. He was with her she knew but what was going on made no sense. His voice wafted into her ears comforting her but she didn't know why she needed comfort. She could handle seizures. Something was wrong.
Once again Max woke on Logan's chest- bewildered and afraid. "What just happened? What was wrong with me? Is the baby OK?" she said in a panic.
Logan sat up and looked at her quizzically, "He's fine. He's asleep in his crib… I know you're worried about his health and developmental problems, but you really do need to try to sleep some."
"What? He's here? It's a he? When did this happen? I'm so confused…" she said looking at the baby in the bassinet. //Not again! // She picked him up cautiously, holding him like he would break if the wind hit him the right way. "What did we name him?"
"You don't remember?" Logan asked with concern.
Tears streamed down her face. "No I don't. The last thing I remember is being with you and having lost my memory of our life. I remembered a little, enough to know I was pregnant. But I just dreamt that I couldn't talk or breathe. I was seizing and wet, here in the bedroom… What's wrong with me Logan?" //Why does this keep happening? //
Watching his wife beat herself up over something she couldn't control was eating him up. He knew these periods would become more frequent with strong stressors. He was going to have to break the news to his wife again and it killed him. "Come here," he said settling Max into his arms, "A few years ago we found out that you've what can almost be called a reset button. You were trained to forget when tortured. What ended up happening is when emotional or physical circumstance becomes too much, you black out a period of time. At first we just thought it was linked to the pregnancy, but we later it was more general. You go back in your mind to a time you felt very safe. The first time you went back to when you became close with Cindy. The next time was right before we started dating. Another time you went back to when we got married…"
"I think what you're remembering is when you got pregnant with Sydney. She's three now. She's a sleep in the next room. This is our son Dillion. He's three months old. Uh… He had a twin brother Drew died of SIDS a month ago… I was afraid this would happen, but I figured it would be before now. I don't know what triggered it other then Drew's death," Logan said sadly.
"It's because of him…" she said staring at her son. "He feels disconnected, alone. I never wanted my children to feel that… He recently realized he was alone. He's been unhappy and not content with anything… His temperament is changing because of the separation."
"Max, he's a baby. He knows something is different, but he doesn't know what," Logan said to calm his wife believing her to be transferring her feelings on to their son.
"No, he knows Logan… I don't know how, but he knows." The sleepy baby opened his eyes at the sound of his mother's voice. Their eyes met and Max saw all of herself in this child. She stroked the baby boy's soft cheek and said, "It's OK. Mama's here… You're not alone." She brought Dillon closer to her chest to snuggle him. His little hand reached up toward Max's face and she kissed his little palm.
"Did I forget to mention, I haven't been the man in your life since he was born?" Logan quipped.
Max put her head on Logan's shoulder, sitting against the bed board. "I bet Sydney lords over you..."
"True… Right now, she's in a daddy's girl phase. She's so much like you Max… Go see her… She'll probably wake up and want to play, but tonight I think we can handle it," Logan said kissing his wife's temple.
With her son in her arms she made her way over to what used to be the guestroom to see it decorated for a child, not necessarily a girl but a child. Sydney had her dark hair and olive colored skin while Dillon looked a lot like Logan. Soon her little eyes popped open and said, "I thought someone was 'ooking at me," with a triumphant smile. "Can I get up?" Max smiled and nodded.
The smaller version of Max walked into the living room and to the kitchen in her footy pajamas. Max watched her daughter move with her grace and agility. Logan was in the kitchen already warming milk for them to have. "Daddy!" Sydney yelled in her child like way, grabbing Logan's legs. "Can I have the chocolate stuff in my milk?" Logan gathered his small daughter into his arms. It was then that Max realized Sydney had the same crystal blue eyes as her father.
Logan looked at his daughter and shook his head, "Not tonight. We want to go back to bed… Sleep is a good thing, remember? Now, do you want anything to eat of the fruit variety?" Max smiled seeing that Logan was all she had deep down hoped a father could be, firm but attentive, loving yet disciplined. The little face smiled and shook her head. Logan touched his nose to his daughter's and shook his head too. //He's so good with her. They're so cute together. //
The little family drank their warmed milk and talked quietly before the small dark haired beauty got an idea. "Mama, can I hold Dillon?" the little girl said turning her attention to Max.
"Sure sweetie, but you need to sit down," she said to her daughter. For some reason, the term 'mama' scared her far less than 'love' had. Sydney sat down on the big plush couch. Max laid her son in her daughter's arms. The two looked at each other for a little while as Logan came up behind her, putting his arms around her waist. He kissed her cheek and saw the tears forming in his wife's eyes. Dillon was reaching up to grab Sydney's nose.
"I'm gonna to take good care of you, because I'm you're big sister. I love you," said Sydney who kissed her little brother's cheek.
Logan picked up his son who was yawning, "Time for bed, little one. Enough stalling…" The little girl took Max's hand as they headed to her bedroom. The little princess was re-settled in her bed and kissed goodnight. "We love you, sweetheart."
"Mama," Sydney said as she tugged on Max's hand. Sydney put her small hand to her mother's ear so Logan couldn't hear as she whispered, "I know you miss Drew, mama. Dillon does too."
"How do you know?" she whispered to the wide-eyed child.
The child tilted her head to gaze at her mother a moment, "Because that's how we're made, to know things, to sense things."
Fear covered Max's face in an instant. //Where did she get that from? // "Little one," Max said modeling Logan's nickname of the child, "you were born, not made… Do you understand?"
"Yes, mama… It's just I sense stuff…like you. That's what you say about yourself."
A sigh of relief was exhaled from her mother's weary form. "I shouldn't have said that… I won't say it again, OK… I love you," slipped past Max's lips without a second thought. "Sleep well."
"Yes, mama."
Logan laid Dillon down in his crib, already asleep. "What were you and my little Max talking about?" he asked.
Max climbed into bed as Logan got on the other side settling in for the remainder of the evening. "She senses that Dillon feels alone just like I do… I apparently told her I was made… She said that she could sense his reaction because we were 'made' to. I bet that's what kicked this latest episode off. I alienated my daughter and I couldn't deal with it… Does she know?"
"Sort of… She understands that she is faster, stronger, and smarter then other three-year-olds. You have taught her very well that bragging isn't allowed or acceptable. She knows she has aunts and uncles all over the country and in Canada. She sort of gets that we aren't like other families but that's about it for now… When she starts asking questions, we'll start answering. That's what we had decided at least… Enough info tonight. We'll deal with it tomorrow. Goodnight my love."
"Goodnight Logan… I love you."
//My hair is wet again. I'm in the robe… Why can't I talk? Where's Logan? //