The three days between her "me time" and her date with Lee went slowly in Amanda's opinion. Dragged through mud was more how it felt. She saw Lee once, briefly, the entire time. He was busy with a case Francine had been working on before she twisted her ankle and was laid up. He stepped in to finish up for her and had been immediately thrown into a mess between two groups of Saudi Arabian women. It was actually rather amusing when looked at from a distance. Neither group trusted the other and both groups were enamored of Lee. The unfortunate and rather funny thing was that they were all women who were around middle age. Apparently they were two factions of a defecting harem and Lee certainly had his hands full. The one time Amanda had seen Lee, he looked about ready to have a nervous breakdown. He had a minute to say to Amanda, "Friday still on?" She had said yes and before she could do or say more, the "leader" of the one group grabbed him and pulled him with her to disappear around a corner.
Amanda smiled at the memory and then glanced at the clock. She should start to get ready. She went upstairs and started to run the shower as she slipped out of her clothes. As she got in, she realized how tense she was. She had told her mother mostly the truth; she was going to the Mexican embassy with her boss from IFF. It was an evening out: not really business, not completely a date. Dotty had seemed satisfied. She had even helped Amanda pick out a gown for the affair.
Now, as the hot water cascaded down Amanda's shoulders and back, she thought ahead to her night and her escort. She was as anxious as she had been when she was only a teenager on her first date. This was almost ridiculous. Why did he always make her feel like this? But feeling nervous about tonight---the fluttering feeling in her stomach---was nothing compared to how she had felt just a few nights ago. When his mouth had descended on her shoulder, her knees had actually buckled and it felt as if her senses would go into overload. When his hands slowly traced their way up her arms to come to rest on her shoulders, Amanda felt like the path they had taken was burned into her skin. Every place his body had come in contact with hers tingled and she had felt an almost electrical shock course through her.
Amanda closed her eyes as the water sprayed over her. She wondered what might have happened if Joe and the boys hadn't come home. She remembered Lee turning her around to face him and touching her cheek. She thought of how bold she had been to take his hand and kiss his fingers. She knew she hadn't imagined the desire in his eyes as he leaned in to kiss her. What would that kiss have been like? As excited as she had been, Amanda knew that feeling would have led her into uncertain territory. Her "good girl" beliefs had never been a problem for her before. Maybe that was because the men she had dated had never really hit her as strong emotionally and physically as Lee had. Would she continue to be a "good girl"? She was probably getting ahead of herself anyhow. Who was she to say that Lee wanted her like that?
Amanda stepped out of the shower and into her bathrobe. As she dried her hair and continued her preparations, Amanda's mind was still working over time.
"So what would I do if Lee wanted me? He has to be the most incredibly handsome man I have ever seen. And he has opened up so much to me…I know him better than I've known anyone, except for maybe Joe. The way he makes me feel when I'm with him is something I can't even describe. It's not like I've just met him; we've known each other for three years now. But I don't want him to think I'm like his 'Randi-Babies', either. How does he feel about me? Does he want a relationship or just a….."
Frustrated, Amanda stopped her mental tirade and looked long and hard at her reflection. Where Lee was concerned, she decided all her "normal" reactions were null and void. She was getting ahead of herself and decided to stop worrying about situations that would probably not present themselves; and if they did, it would be a bridge to be crossed at that time.
Amanda left her bathroom and slipped into her gown. It was different from her normal taste in clothes and she attributed that fact to her mother's influence in her decision. It was deep, blood red made from a shimmering material that conformed to her body. It was a strapless gown that hugged her body in all the right places and had a slit that went quite a bit farther than she was used to. She had borrowed a rhinestone choker and earrings from her mother to complete the outfit and, as she put them on, she couldn't help but be a little impressed with herself. She certainly didn't look like a suburban housewife, that much was for sure! She wondered at Lee's reaction to her appearance tonight, what would he think?
"Amanda….I think your date is here!" Dotty called from downstairs. Amanda looked out her window in surprise to see Lee coming up the walkway to the front door. He was letting her mother see him? She paused for a moment to watch Lee. He was dressed in a black tuxedo and he looked fantastic. She watched him as he rang the doorbell and fiddled nervously with his bow tie. She smiled at his discomfiture and turned to go downstairs. She could hear her mother talking to Lee and could just imagine what she was thinking.
"So-----you're Amanda's boss? Mr. Steadman, right?" Dotty was asking, her eyes wide and appreciative with a tremendous smile on her face.
"Well, supervisor would be closer. And it's Stetson: Lee Stetson," Lee replied, looking rather like a trapped animal, but managing one of his dimpled smiles.
"Hello," Amanda said as she got to the bottom of the stairs. Lee turned to greet her and his jaw dropped at the sight of her. "Amanda, you look…….," gorgeous, incredibly sexy, tempting… "spectacular," Lee managed to croak out loud.
Dotty looked from Amanda to the drop-dead gorgeous man waiting to escort her to the party. She saw the smoldering look that passed between them and knew, without a doubt, that here was the reason Amanda had lost all interest in Dean and any other men. "Well, I don't want to keep you two. Go to the party and have a wonderful time," Dotty said as she handed Amanda her wrap. Softly, but not too softly that Lee couldn't hear her, she said to Amanda, "I won't wait up."
Amanda looked at her mother and blushed furiously. "Mother!"
Dotty laughed lightly and winked at Lee as she gently propelled her daughter into his arms. "Go! Oh, and Lee….she dances a wonderful tango!"
Amanda suddenly found herself on her front doorstep with Lee as the door shut behind her. "I don't know what got in to her! She's never been like that before. I'm sorry about what she said, Lee."
He cleared his throat and tried to tear his eyes off her body in order to reply. "I'm not," was all he managed to say.
Amanda looked at him and realized that he had yet to stop staring at her. Normally this would have caused her to become self-conscious but tonight she felt brazen. She moved her leg just enough to cause the slit in her gown to part and show her leg up to her mid-thigh. She watched as Lee's eyes were drawn down to her ankle and then slowly traveled back up. "You look fantastic, Lee."
Lee looked up and blinked a few times as he struggled to make sense of what she had said. With a supreme effort he proffered his arm to her and led her to his car. "Thanks, Amanda." He paused while he helped her into the car and shut her door. He walked slowly back around to the driver's side, his mind and libido whirling. When he got in and started the car, Lee looked sidelong at Amanda. Once again his eyes traveled up to the slit in her dress and he found it difficult to work any moisture into his suddenly dry mouth. Did she have any idea what the sight of her was doing to him?
"This is a different look for you," Lee said as they drove though the suburban streets on their way to DC.
"What's wrong? Don't you like it?" Amanda asked, a bit anxiously.
"No---," Lee said quickly. "I didn't say that. I'm just used to you looking….more…."
"Housewife-ish?" Amanda filled in.
"No! And stop putting words in my mouth, will you?! You're always beautiful but tonight you're a knock-out," Lee finally finished, looking at her and smiling.
Amanda broke into a tremendous smile and patted Lee's hand which was resting on the gear shift. "Thank you, Lee. That means a lot coming from you."
They entered the Mexican Embassy together with Lee presenting the invitation at the door. They passed through a metal detector where Lee had to leave his gun. They then moved forward into the marble-columned hallway where guests were gathered in small groups and waiters moved expertly through the crowd, taking drink orders and making deliveries. Lee deftly snagged two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter and handed one to Amanda. He held his glass up to hers and offered a toast.
"Here's to the next step," Lee said quietly, smiling at her.
Amanda arched one eyebrow and returned the smile. "The next step?"
"Yes----for us," Lee replied.
Amanda looked at him for a moment and then touched her glass to his. "I'll drink to that."
They sipped their champagne and Lee put his arm around her waist as he led her into the ballroom. There was a large buffet set up on one side and tables circled the massive dance floor. People were sitting at the tables, talking with each other. The band was playing light dinner music, waiting for the ambassador to signal the start of the dancing. Lee and Amanda chose a table near the far wall, close to an outside balcony, and sat down.
"Are you hungry? I'll get you something to eat," Lee offered.
"Okay. But you don't have to go get it," Amanda answered, standing up.
"No---I insist. I know what you like," Lee replied. He started to turn and then looked back at her. "Why don't you sit down and relax?" He wouldn't admit it, but Lee felt as though every man in the place was looking at her. While she was sitting, they at least couldn't see her legs!
Amanda frowned slightly in puzzlement. "Okay."
As Lee made his way to the buffet, Amanda looked around in awe. The Mexican Embassy was beautiful and the festive decor made her feel like she was on some tropical island. As she sat there, a few men wandered over to introduce themselves and chat with her. Amanda stood so as not to be rude and pretty soon she was surrounded by men. She wondered if Lee would get jealous and secretly hoped he did. As she greeted yet another admirer, the ambassador made his way to the dance floor with his wife and the band began to play in earnest. As soon as the ambassador motioned for others to join in, Amanda received half a dozen invitations to dance.
She politely declined them for now, especially as she saw Lee returning, looking none too happy. He walked through the small crowd of men, placed the two plates he carried on the table, and pulled out a chair for Amanda to sit down. The men left and Lee sat fuming. Was this how the night was going to go? Every lech in the place would be biding his time until Amanda was done eating and then they'd be hovering around her all night. He stabbed a slice of roast beef rather savagely with his fork and looked up to find Amanda watching him.
"Is something wrong?" She questioned, knowing full well what was bothering him.
"Oh no, nothing at all," he answered sharply. "It's just that it seems there are more letharios around tonight than normal."
Amanda smiled and began eating her dinner. As they finished, Lee's prediction came true: first one, then another and another. Each man who came up to her and asked for a dance was politely turned down in deference to Lee. Amanda kept waiting for Lee to ask her to dance and even hinted that she would like to dance with him, but he only mumbled he didn't dance.
Amanda began to get annoyed. She loved to dance and was starting to get a little edgy. She looked up as yet another man came to their table.
"Madam, it would greatly please me if you would honor with me a dance." Amanda recognized the man as the Mexican ambassador himself and decided it would be terribly rude not to accept his offer. With one last look at Lee, who waved her on, Amanda stood and accepted his proffered hand.
"I'd be delighted," she replied and stepped on to the dance floor.
Lee sat and watched Amanda dance with partner after partner. After her dance with the ambassador, another man readily replaced him and so on. While he was a little irritated, Lee wasn't jealous. Amanda always looked polite but never looked at any of the men the way she often looked at him. Actually, he was enjoying watching her dance; she looked marvelous. The slit in her dress exposed enough of her leg to make it difficult to stop looking. As she danced, Lee caught enticing glimpses of her thigh and found himself imagining what it would be like to hold her in his arms and kiss her the way he wanted to. God, when had she gotten so irresistible? He knew she hadn't always affected him like this. It seemed as if just relatively recently he had begun to see something simmering under the surface. Every time he was near her, he felt as if an electrical current ran between them. The hair on his arms would stand up and her scent drove him out of his mind. He wanted tonight to be the night he let her know he wanted more than just a friendship with her, but he wasn't sure just how to go about it. And that bothered him immensely.
Lee had never had any problems working his "magic" on a woman before. He had always been smooth and suave: flawless with his moves and words. Amanda left him tongue-tied. He never said the right thing to her and somehow all his moves seemed trite and boorish. How he felt about Amanda was so different from anything he had ever experienced before. Maybe that was why he didn't know how to make the next move with her.
"So, are you going to dance with me tonight at all or should I just go back to the ambassador?" Amanda questioned, smiling as she reappeared by his side.
Lee turned to look at her, trying his best to keep his gaze away from the tantalizing flash of leg that was nearly at eye level. "Amanda, I just don't dance very well. It has to be the right type of music. But don't let me hold you back. Go and dance; have a great time."
Amanda touched his shoulder lightly. "Well, if you don't mind…but promise me at least one dance….please?"
Lee looked in to her eyes and realized maybe that would be a good opportunity for him to begin taking the next step in their relationship. "Okay….one dance. I'll come get you."
Amanda brightened at this and nodded. "Okay." She started to sit down next to him when a familiar figure came to the table.
"Amanda! I didn't know you were coming to the party!" Joe King put a hand on Amanda's shoulder.
"Joe! I--- What a surprise," Amanda stammered, looking sideways at Lee. "You remember Lee Stetson," she continued by way of introduction.
Lee stood up and shook Joe's hand. "Joe," he nodded in greeting, suddenly tense.
"Lee," Joe returned. "It's a great party, isn't it?"
"Oh, yes! I've been having a great time dancing. The ambassador is a fantastic dancer," Amanda replied, a bit too exuberantly. For some reason she felt extremely awkward---as if she had just been caught doing something she shouldn't. She glanced at Lee and could tell he was not happy. The muscle in his jaw was twitching and she noticed his hand was squeezing his napkin rather tightly. "So….what brings you here, Joe? And who are you with?"
"Well, as an ambassador's aide with the Estocian government, I get invited to these functions. This particular one has the reputation of being one of the best parties in town. I couldn't pass it up. But I came with one of the other aides: Shaun Blackman," Joe answered.
As Amanda and Joe continued chatting, Lee seethed quietly. He had finally realized that all the men who had been dancing with Amanda meant nothing to her so his irritation had faded. But Joe---that was a different story altogether. Joe meant something to Amanda. Exactly what, Lee wasn't sure, but he knew there was history between them. He was the father of her children, her first love; perhaps she loved him still. Lee noticed that Amanda's hand came to rest lightly on Joe's as she made some comment about her mother and the two laughed quietly. This was unbearable. Lee had never felt this way before. He felt angry, disgruntled, irritated, and yes, jealous.
The band began a slow song and Lee saw his chance to get Amanda away from Joe. As he turned to ask, Amanda stood up and accepted Joe's hand as he led her on to the dance floor. Lee's eyes widened and then narrowed as he watched Amanda step into Joe's embrace and begin to dance. Lee pushed his chair back as if to get up, but was stopped by the appearance of a willowy blonde.
"Hello," she greeted. "You look awfully lonely. Would you care to dance?"
Lee looked up at her. The woman was beautiful; and her curves were in all the right places. Lee was tempted to accept her offer, if for no other reason than to prove to Amanda he could get a woman as easily as she could get a man. It was on the tip of his tongue to say yes. Why not? But then he caught sight of Amanda again and his, "No thanks," reply escaped his lips before he thought twice.
The blonde followed his gaze and knew he was watching the woman in red on the dance floor. "A word of advice; don't wait all night. She's a lucky woman to have the undivided attention of a man like you." She moved away and Lee watched her leave. She was right; he shouldn't wait all night. Lee stood up, threw his mangled napkin on the table, and made his way to the band. He slipped the leader a $20 and requested a tango. Amanda's mother had said she could tango…..well, so could Lee.
As the last few strains of the current song faded away, Amanda stepped away from Joe. It had been a bittersweet few minutes for her. She had fallen into the old habit of resting her head on his shoulder and she had felt a slight twinge of the old feelings again. It felt good to be in his arms again, but at the same time it didn't feel as good as when she was near to Lee. Perhaps if what had happened Tuesday night had never occurred, she would pursue the possibility of she and Joe again. But remembering Lee's mouth on her neck and the feel of his arms around her, Amanda knew that there was no chance she could ever be interested in another man. There had been many times over the past three years when Amanda had tried a relationship with someone but each time she lost interest quickly. It had felt like she was just going through the motions. No man had made her heart skip a beat, her stomach flutter, or her pulse race when he had kissed her. In comparison, all Lee had to do was touch her hand, put his hand at the small of her back, or sometimes even just smile at her and it sent her into a whirl.
Amanda did not kid herself. Before Tuesday night she had refused to entertain the idea of anything ever being possible between the two of them. She felt herself to be way out of Lee's league. The normalcy of her life probably sent him running scared. In contrast, the excitement of his had drawn her like a moth to a flame. She had done her best to bury her feelings for him, but every once in a while they seeped out from behind the wall she had tried so hard to erect around them. She had crushed every secret hope that had ever sprung up and refused to take anything Lee said or did as anything more than simple friendship. Until Tuesday night.
Amanda could no longer delude herself about her feelings for Lee. Nor could she doubt he was interested in her. For the past three days Amanda had replayed the evening in her mind about a thousand times. Each time she remembered his lips on her neck, her stomach did a twist and her pulse raced. She hadn't been able to stop thinking about him and this dance with Joe had been a bit of a lie. She imagined it was Lee's arms around her and his breath against her cheek. As she stepped away from Joe at the end of the dance, she couldn't bring herself to look at him.
"So, what's on your schedule for tomorrow?" Joe asked.
Before Amanda could answer, the band started again, this time a tango, and she felt someone take her arm and spin her around. She gasped in surprise and then found herself pressed tightly against Lee's body.
"My turn," was all he said as he paused, aligning their bodies in anticipation of the start of the true beat of the tango.
Amanda swallowed and tried to smile, but his eyes had locked on hers and the look she saw in them was enough to send her emotions flying every which way. The fleeting thought that this must be what it was like for a small animal to lock eyes with a cobra rushed through her mind and then there was no more room for conscious thought.
There were perhaps only ten couples on the dance floor, a tango being a difficult dance to do properly, but all eyes were on Amanda and Lee. Their bodies were locked together as Lee led her through the sensual dance, his smoldering gaze burning into her eyes. He spun her around and took her with him through the intricate steps. The sexual tension between them was so electric that others even noticed it.
Amanda couldn't think and could barely breathe. She had never seen this side of Lee. The look of a predator was in his eyes and she was hypnotized. She felt him spin her around and then his arms encircled her from behind. His hands traveled up her arms and down her body, sending shivers coursing through her while at the same time making her feel incredibly hot. She felt the power in his chest and arms as he crushed her against him, always keeping her in time with the music.
He wanted her. He wanted her so badly that he was ready to pull her off the dance floor and into a room somewhere. Lee had never, ever been this hot, this passionate, this aroused by any other woman. He could not remember a time when he had come this close to losing his self-control. The depth of his feelings frightened him a little, but it was no longer the paralyzing fear that made him run away from her. This fear was tinged with the excitement of the possibilities that were opening up before him.
As the dance came to an end, Lee dipped Amanda and held her there for what seemed like an eternity but which was in reality only a few seconds. As he slowly pulled her upright, his hand at the small of her back, Amanda blinked furiously several times, as if awakening from a dream. The band started a new song, "The Search is Over", and Amanda started to thank Lee for the dance.
"Well----," was all she got out when Lee pulled her close to him again and shook his head.
"One more."
It was a question, a demand, and a plea all in one and Amanda could no more have refused him than she could have refused to breathe. He held her close to him, gazing into her eyes, and as the lyrics poured forth, the hard edge of passion in his eyes softened into a gaze of love.
"The first time I heard this song, I decided it said everything about the way I feel." It was all he said and Amanda's eyes grew wide as she listened more closely to the song and rested her head on Lee's shoulder:
Verse1 How can I convince you,
What you see is real?
Who am I to blame you,
For doubting what you feel?
I was always reaching,
You were just a girl I knew.
I took for granted,
The friend I have in you.
Chorus I was living for a dream,
Loving for a moment.
Taking on the world,
That was just my style.
Then I touched your hand,
I could hear you whisper,
The search is over,
You were with me all the while.
Verse 2 Can we last forever?
Do we fall apart?
At times it's so confusing,
The questions of the heart.
You followed me through changes,
And patiently you'd wait,
'Til I came to my senses through,
Some miracle of fate.
(repeat chorus)
Bridge Now the miles stretch,
Out behind me,
Loves that I have lost.
Broken hearts lie,
Victims of the dead.
Then girl, love, it finally struck,
Like lightning from the blue.
Every highway's leading me back to you.
Verse 3 Now at last I hold you,
Now all is said and done.
The search is come full circle,
Our destinies are one.
So if you ever loved me,
Show me that you give a damn.
You'll know for certain,
The man I really am.
Chorus I was living for a dream,
Loving for a moment.
Taking on the world,
That was just my style.
Now I look into your eyes,
I can see forever.
The search is over,
You were right before my eyes.
Throughout the song, Lee had slowly steered Amanda towards the open doors of a balcony. As the song came to its conclusion, he took her hand and led her out onto the balcony, away from the crowded party and into the stillness of the night. As the sounds of the party softened and a light breeze brushed past, Lee drew Amanda to him slowly. He looked into her eyes and smiled. She returned the smile and his hand came up to her cheek. He lightly caressed it and then his hand stole back into her hair where it stopped at the nape of her neck. He leaned towards her and his lips touched hers once, briefly: a light tease. He pulled back and looked around. Raising an eyebrow as if to say, 'What.…no interruptions?' he leaned back in to kiss her again. This time he prolonged the kiss, his mouth covering hers.
Amanda's senses reeled as she breathed in the scent of his cologne and felt his arms encircling her body, pulling her gently to him. When his mouth found hers the second time, she trembled and thought her knees might buckle. His lips were soft and the pressure of his mouth was firm, insistent. Behind her closed eyelids Amanda could see bright flashes explode as her pulse raced. Her lips parted and Lee pressed his advantage, tasting the softness of her mouth and tongue.
When they finally parted, Lee slowly opened his eyes to gaze at Amanda. They had shared kisses before---the cover-up kiss when Lee was on the football team, the wedding kiss in San Angelo---but they had done no justice to what he had just experienced. Lee's heart was pounding in his chest, his breathing was short, and it felt like every nerve ending in his body was tingling. She was smiling at him but Lee could only stare into her eyes, unable to speak or return the smile. Instead, he pulled her back into his embrace, wrapping his arms around her and laying his cheek against her soft hair. Her arms went around his waist and she sighed in contentment as she laid her head against his shoulder. He couldn't remember what it was like not to have her in his life; the last three years had become the only years that mattered any longer; those and the ones to come.
Lee finally found his voice. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," he said, caressing her shoulders and back.
Amanda laughed, a short musical sound. "I'm sure it wasn't as long as I've wanted you to."
Lee reluctantly released her from his embrace, but held on to her hands, almost as if he were afraid if he let go, she would disappear. He smiled and then chuckled. "Oh, really? Now how long would that be?" His voice was deep, belying the light tone the words were spoken in, his voice deepening with the desire he felt for this woman.
Amanda raised one eyebrow. "That's on a need-to-know basis, Scarecrow." Her eyes softened as she reached up to lightly touch his cheek. "But I'm so glad you finally did."
Lee captured her hand in his and brought it to his mouth. He lightly kissed her palm and then turned it over to kiss the top of her hand. His eyes never left hers and he saw Amanda shiver slightly. "Are you cold?"
Amanda felt herself falling into those hazel eyes and she saw the desire he held for her smoldering in that gaze. She had shivered when he kissed the palm of her hand: a shiver of desire for him. "No---I'm not cold. Actually, I'm the exact opposite." She saw the muscle of his jaw tighten when she said that and, while she felt herself flush with the temerity of her remark, she didn't feel embarrassed. Something about Lee brought out an incredibly different side of her---a side she had had no idea she even possessed until meeting him. He kindled a passion and desire in her that had grown so deep, Amanda knew that she would do anything to be in his arms. Somewhere along the way she must have missed the moon falling from the sky because she had convinced herself that was what it would take for Lee to be interested in her. But here he was, standing in front of her and there the moon was, still in orbit. Would wonders never cease?
"So….now what?" Amanda asked him.
Lee cleared his throat and looked down at her hand held in his. Looking back up he smiled. "We explore what we have. I know we already have a strong friendship. I know there's a strong physical attraction….at least for me. I think we should take things as they come, " Lee replied.
"I have to agree with everything you said. And if you think you're the only one who feels a physical attraction, you have to be blind," Amanda joked lightly.
Lee laughed, a low sound in his chest, and shook his head. "When did you become so….so forward and confident? I remember a time when you used to be pretty reserved."
Amanda leaned against the marble pillar of the balcony and sighed. "You realize that I am the woman I am today because of you, don't you? I owe you so much that I can't even begin to thank you enough." And Amanda opened her heart to Lee, telling him everything: how she had never known she possessed half the qualities he had helped bring out in her: how she never had the kind of self-confidence she had now: how she never had felt as attractive or desirable as she did now. It was a quiet commentary on the last three years and how she had metamorphosed from a divorced mother of two to a confident, career-oriented woman. She needed to say these things, no matter how some of them hurt, and Lee allowed her to unburden her soul.
When she finished, Lee tried to find something, anything, to say to her but, before he could open his mouth, Amanda drew him to her and, as her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him down to meet her, Lee realized he didn't have to say anything. He placed his hands against the column she was leaning against, one on either side of her, and met her mouth.
Amanda felt herself teetering on the edge of losing control. Lee was holding back, she knew that, because he was remembering their many discussions about relationships and boundaries. But what Lee didn't know was that Amanda had changed in that respect, too. Perhaps it was the knowledge that their careers placed them in danger nearly daily that had caused the shift in Amanda's beliefs. Perhaps it was Lee himself. Whatever the case may be, Amanda knew life was far too short to be lived too cautiously. She didn't want to regret anything, especially not the waste of any more time.
Amanda pulled his body against hers and kissed him….hard. She felt her control slip another notch when his arms went around her as he returned the kiss, his mouth hungrily finding hers. When he pulled away, it was to trail kisses down her neck and to her shoulder. His hand came up her body, just barely grazing her breast as it came to rest on her bare shoulder. Amanda drew in a sharp breath as he touched her and then he was pressing his body hard against hers and she could feel his desire for her. When he finally pulled away, she was breathless, literally nearly gasping for air. His hand traced down her shoulder to her collarbone and came to rest just above her left breast, over her heart. She looked at him and the corners of his mouth curved up in a small smile.
"Your heart is beating so fast," he whispered, his voice hoarse with passion.
Amanda shivered again, this time at both the sound of his voice and the feel of his hand on her skin. "I know…I can't help it."
"Amanda…..," Lee began, but he trailed off as she began kissing his neck, working her way along his jawline to his ear.
"Amanda…..," he began again. "Amanda, if you keep doing this, I can't…..I mean I won't be able to…..," he tried cautioning her.
Amanda smiled and kissed his mouth once before pulling away. "So what's to say I'm against that?"
Lee blinked a few times and shook his head. "You never cease to amaze me, you know that?" His hand, which had moved up to her cheek, dropped down to her waist again. He pulled her to him and spent a few moments just looking into her eyes. How had he gotten so lucky? But then a sudden thought crossed his mind and he felt a slight twinge of apprehension.
Amanda noticed a difference in Lee's demeanor and frowned slightly. "What's wrong?"
Lee wasn't sure how to approach the subject. He felt embarrassed and at the same time justified in asking her what was on his mind. "Amanda, what about---I mean---do you still---," he trailed off, uncertain and uncomfortable about this train of thought.
Amanda held on more tightly to his hand, encouraging him to say what it was that bothered him.
'Take a deep breath, Stetson. Go ahead and admit it---you're insecure. For the first time in your life, you're actually insecure.' Lee turned away from her and stepped to the railing of the balcony. He took a deep breath of the cool, night air and, in a rush, asked, "So what about Joe?" There. He had said it. It sounded silly to him, but he needed to know where he stood with Amanda. He felt her arms go around his waist from behind and he wondered what he was about to hear.
Amanda had smiled when Lee brought Joe up. She knew he was a little jealous of him. It actually made Amanda feel good to know that Lee cared that much. She put her arms around him and stood that way for a few moments, enjoying the feel of him in her arms. How long had she fantasized about this? "Well, now that he's living here in the States, he'll be around more often, I guess."
Lee waited to hear more, but Amanda had apparently felt that was enough of an explanation. He turned around and faced her, uncertainty etched on his face. "So that means you'll be seeing him?"
Amanda knew what Lee meant, but she purposely misinterpreted him. "Well, I guess so. He'll probably stop by more often to see the boys, so I'll see him then."
Lee shook his head. "That's not what I meant. Will you be *seeing* him? Do you still---love him?" This last question came out in a strangled whisper.
Amanda looked into his eyes and thought to herself, 'How could I love him when I love you?' But she knew she could never be the one to say that first. Lee had come a long way, but that acknowledgment might scare him. "As far as 'seeing him', no. He's hinted at wanting to get together and I may have toyed with the idea, but now that I know you're interested, I don't want anything to do with him in that respect."
Lee nodded in understanding, realizing just how close he had come to losing her.
"And as far as loving him---I'll always love him as the father of my children, but I could never be *in* love with him," Amanda said. Then, as she looked into his eyes and saw a smile begin to form, Amanda added, "Not ever again now that this is happening."
Lee felt as if a thousand pound weight had been removed from his chest and he smiled at her. He leaned closer to her and touched his lips to hers in a gentle kiss, but her arms went around him and he found her pressing against him, deepening the kiss. Lee pulled her to him tightly, breaking away from the kiss only to trail kisses down her throat. Amanda arched her neck back and a sigh of pleasure escaped her lips. His hand, which had been resting at her waist, traveled up her side to stop just under her arm. His long fingers curled around to her back, but his thumb lightly rested on the slight swell of her breast. He could hear her sharp intake of breath as he slowly moved his hand so that it was lightly cupping her breast. He looked at her, trying to gauge her reaction. Was he going too far, moving too fast? He wanted her more than he had wanted any other woman. Her touch and kiss sent him reeling like he was a teenager exploring his first love. No one had made him feel like this. He knew it would be very hard for him to control himself with her. He thought he knew how she would feel about the physical side of this relationship, but he wasn't so sure now that he saw her reaction to him. He bent down to kiss her bare shoulder, gently applying more pressure as his thumb found her erect nipple through the fabric of her dress. He felt her hand stroking his hair and heard another soft moan escape her.
"'Manda," he whispered in her ear and a thrill ran through her body as his breath touched her and at the choice of endearment. "Do you want to go?"
She looked into his eyes, those gorgeous hazel eyes, and felt overwhelmed. She wanted him so badly, but she also felt incredibly vulnerable in many ways. She didn't want to ruin things by moving too quickly. She didn't want him to think her a prude. And most of all, she worried about how she would compare to his previous girlfriends. He had had so many exotic women and she had been with only one man. True, she had been fantasizing about this for so long and she had a very vivid imagination, but fantasy and reality were two very different things. She didn't think she could bear it if he decided she was too average or, worse yet, wound up laughing at her.
Lee watched as many emotions traveled across Amanda's face. He could see her desire mixed with uncertainty and could guess at what was going through her mind right now. "We could stop for coffee somewhere and talk. Or we could go back to your house or my apartment. What would you like to do?"
Amanda smiled. He always knew the right thing to say. "Maybe we could stop for coffee somewhere on the way to your apartment."
Lee smiled and began to say more when three, rapid pops issued from the ballroom.
"What was that?" Amanda asked, turning towards the door.
Lee reached for his gun and realized he had left it at the door. Cursing, he moved to the doorway and tried to make sense of what was happening. People had scattered as two more popping sounds issued from other balcony areas. It didn't sound like a gun.
"Amanda, stay here. I'll be right back," Lee said, making his way back inside. He had gotten halfway across the dance floor when a terrific explosion rocked through the embassy. Debris and falling concrete came crashing down from the ceiling and the last thing Lee saw before he was knocked to the ground was Amanda, on the other side of the blast, falling to the ground, stone, dust, and tremendous chunks of concrete raining down between them.