"Do I have to do this?"
"Yes."
"It's not fair."
"Stop whining, please."
"But how would you like it? If anyone in here finds out I've been to see a S.P.O.O.K then I'll never live it down."
"A what?" Qui-Gon asked.
Jemmiah sighed.
"It stands for SORT PROBLEMS OUT OK. Because they always start off by telling you they will and then they never do."
"That's not going to happen." Qui-Gon remarked. "Look, what will it take you to be convinced that they are all friendly people who want to help."
"It's only deranged people that have to go visit them." Jemmy replied.
"Obi-Wan has had cause to use their services in the past. Does he look deranged?"
She looked at him in total surprise.
"I've even had to come here on one occasion. Do I appear mad to you?"
She was about to say something and Qui-Gon cut her off.
"On second thoughts, don't answer that." He said, marching her onwards.
There was an interval of about ten seconds whilst Jemmiah digested this information, and Qui-Gon could almost see the wheels turning in her mind.
"Why were you brought here?" She asked.
"I wasn't brought here." He said. "I made the decision myself."
He sat down next to her on the chair outside the room that Jemmiah's appointment was for, looking at the troubled face. Somehow he had to explain that it would be fine, that she had nothing to worry about.
"When I was young…"
"How young?" Jemmy demanded.
"Oh, I don't know. I'd been Yoda's padawan about half a year. Mace and Dex and myself were more or less the same age. Well, Dex was a little younger and Mace a little older but we were good friends. Also part of our social group was a padawan called Lydia Sheil. She had a bit of a thing about Dex."
"Naturally," Jemmiah nodded, "he's Corellian."
"Anyhow," Qui-Gon continued, "We all wanted to go out one day because we were fed up with being in the temple. We just decided that we had to get out. Of course, our masters didn't know about this."
"And what happened?" Jemmy asked.
Qui-Gon cast his mind back into the distant past. In some ways it felt as if it had happened yesterday, still vivid and fresh in his mind…
"We went to numerous places we shouldn't have. Cantinas, clubs, you name it and we went there. Eventually we went to this fairground that was doing a planetary tour. We got to the top of one of the rides and," his voice wavered a little, "Lydia fell out."
"Wasn't she strapped in?" Jemmiah asked.
"Yes, but she hadn't done her harness up properly and it managed to unhook itself when she was at the top." He breathed out. "Dex and Mace didn't see what happened but I tried to stop her from falling. I only slowed her down."
"And?" Jemmiah said softly.
"She died before they could get the medics out to her." Qui-Gon replied. "I took it all to heart. It wasn't just my idea to go to the fairground. I hate these sorts of places. If anyone was keen to go it was Lydia, but I still felt responsible. I kept thinking that if only we hadn't gone, if only I had managed to stop her from falling then she would still be alive today."
Jemmiah looked at him.
"But how could it be your fault? There wasn't anything you could do."
"Precisely." He said. "And it took a good few months of visiting the S.P.O.O.Ks as you call them for me to see that."
"You'd better not tell anyone I'm here." She mumbled.
"Cross my heart." He said. "And Del-Isa Sidatu is a very kind individual."
"Maybe," Jemmiah said, "for a head doctor."
"Talk of the devil." Qui-Gon stood up.
Del-Isa Sidatu was a tall and slender figure with long bi-colored hair like the ticking Jemmiah had seen on some of the wild rodents that lived on Nargotria. The long strands were all woven together in tiny multiple braids and then scooped up in an elaborate clasp at the neck. It immediately caught her attention.
"How did you do that?" Jemmiah asked. "That must have taken ages!"
"I'm sure I can show you." She smiled, her dark skin wrinkling at the eyes. "You like braids?"
Qui-Gon waved his hands.
"Don't get her started!" He warned. "And please do NOT discuss lipstick, rouge or hair rollers either!"
"But you looked really cute!" Jemmiah shrugged.
"If she starts doing things to my hair when I'm asleep again I'll come and find you!" He warned Sidatu.
"Hmmm. Qui-Gon in rollers. I could have done with seeing that."
"I can get you some holos…" began Jemmy.
"Get in." Jinn pointed into the room. "I'll wait here for you."
She suddenly looked nervous again.
"You won't go away?" She fidgeted.
"I'm sure Master Jinn can fins something amongst our literature to interest him whilst we have a talk." Sidatu smiled. "There's a nice pamphlet on hand weaving on the table."
Jemmiah's eyes fell upon one of the leaflets.
"Here's one that might do you some good." She said, placing it slap in front of him. "Gardening for the beginner. You're going to need it when we get out of here."
***************************
"Would you like to sit down?" Sidatu asked, watching as Jemmiah seemed to be on the edge of bolting out of the room. "Please don't be nervous. I don't eat people, despite what others might tell you." She grinned at the Corellian girl.
Jemmiah looked extremely wary but complied all the same.
"That's better." Sidatu nodded. "We won't do much in this session, just talk and get to know each other a little better."
"This session?" Jemmiah was horrified. "You mean I have to come back?"
Sidatu looked at her intently.
"That rather depends on you, doesn't it? Master Jinn made the appointment for you because he felt it was necessary for you to get to the bottom of these nightmares."
"He's just sore because I woke everyone up." Jemmy grumbled.
"Do you really believe that?" Sidatu raised a questioning eyebrow.
Jemmiah shrugged.
"Well, I got some details from Master Jinn when he contacted us, but I need to know a little more…how old are you exactly?" Sidatu asked.
"Guess." Jemmy said.
The question surprised the soul healer.
"Going on appearance?" She blew out a long breath. "Seven? Eight?"
"Ten." Jemmiah snapped. "I knew you'd say seven. I could have put money on it."
"Does that bother you?" Sidatu asked her.
"Wouldn't it bother you?" Jemmiah retorted. "Everyone treats me like I'm a little girl. Either that or I'm some kind of retard."
"And it makes you annoyed?"
"Too right it does!" Jemmiah bristled. "So you can put that on your list of things to tell Master Jinn after we're through here."
"You certainly don't act like you're seven. More like fifteen." Sidatu smiled.
Jemmiah stared balefully at her.
"I've got better things to do than sit here." She mumbled.
"Oh, such as?" The healer asked.
"I've got a plant to tend to."
"You like gardening?" She asked.
Jemmiah let a lazy, lopsided grin spread across her face.
"Actually, I hate it. That's what makes it a challenge."
"Now I'm confused."
"I've confused a SPOOK! Hey, that's made my day!" Jemmy chuckled quietly. "I've got a project at school. I have to grow some bulbs. Only up until this morning there was nothing to see. But suddenly it's beginning to go somewhere. I'm gonna beat Sophie Digwurt if it kills me." She spat.
"Sophie Digwurt?"
"I'd like to flatten her smug face with an iron bar but Master Jinn wouldn't be too pleased so I mostly ignore her."
"Do you like school?" Sidatu asked, offering the Corellian a biscuit.
Jemmy picked out the caramel one and held it up.
"He didn't tell you my age but he did tell you what my favorite biscuits are." She smiled.
Sidatu regarded her for a moment.
"Do you want to discuss these nightmares?" She enquired gently.
Jemmiah munched on the biscuit for a moment.
"I don't like school." She said with a dazzling smile. "I hate the kids, I have no friends and the teachers are like prison guards. But I like the work. I don't mind that." She paused to like the chocolate off one finger. "And no. I don't want to talk about my nightmares."
"Why not?"
"Because they are private. I only share my thoughts with one person." She pointed at her chest. "Me."
"Doesn't it get difficult, having nobody to confide in?" Sidatu asked.
"I'm used to it."
"On Corellia or Nargotria?"
"Told you about that, did he?"
"Don't you want to be rid of these dreams?" Sidatu persisted.
"They'll never go away. What's the point in talking about it?"
"You won't know if you don't try." The healer replied. "Are you sure you don't want to…"
"Quite sure."
"Then we'll talk about something else."
"Like what?"
"How you get on with Master Jinn and his padawan."
Jemmiah had just about had enough.
"I get on with them just fine. I keep reminding myself everyday that I owe my neck to them so that whenever I'm on the point of saying something horrible I back down." She snorted. "Some days are easier than others."
"What about…" She looked at her notes. "Obi-Wan?"
"Yeah, he's OK. I thought he was kinda quiet to start with but he's not really. Actually, he's got quite a neat line in practical jokes. But I think you'd better not tell Master Jinn that one."
"Why are you so concerned about what I discuss with Master Jinn?"
"Because I'm only here by his good grace, and the council's. If I stuff up I could find myself dumped in some kids home before you could say May the force be with you." Jemmiah laughed. "So I'd really think carefully about what you tell him, if I were you, because you could wreck my chances of staying here."
"That won't happen." Sidatu stated in amazement.
"Won't it? You tell him something he doesn't want to hear? If you said that I was round the twist are you seriously telling me he'd keep me here?"
"I'm not going to be saying anything of the sort." She answered.
"Well, then. There shouldn't be any problem. Next question, please." Jemmiah said defiantly.
"OK." Sidatu asked. "Why do you think you get so angry?"
Jemmiah frowned.
"Who says I get angry?"
"Don't you?"
"I asked first." Jemmiah looked at her. "Let me guess. Master Jinn. Again. Hmmm, I'll have to watch myself from now on."
"Look, Jemmiah I am here to try and help you. I'm not trying to cause any trouble between you and Qui-Gon Jinn. If you have problems we will get them sorted out. OK? But you have to let me help you."
A ghost of a smile played on Jemmiah's lips.
"You know, you were doing quite well up until you said that." She stood up. "But guess what. You blew it. Now, if you don't mind I'm going home."
"Please don't go just yet." Sidatu responded. "As I say, you don't have to answer anything you don't want to, is that alright?"
Jemmiah stood for a while, considering. Then she sat back down.
"OK." She said.
***************************
"Well?" Qui-Gon asked some forty-five minutes later. "Did she tell you anything?"
"No." said Sidatu with a smile. "And that in itself was extremely revealing."
Qui-Gon shook his head.
"Do you mind if I ask for some clarification on this point?"
Sidatu drummed her fingers on the table.
"We didn't discuss her nightmares at all because she refused point blank to talk about them. She was on the verge of walking out and then I told her she didn't have to answer any questions she didn't want to."
"And?"
"She hardly spoke another word during the course of the next thirty five minutes." Sidatu grinned in defeat. "She's a sharp one alright. Definitely knows her own mind. Although she actually said very little I was able to read between the lines. She was very uncomfortable with me. Her body language was screaming KEEP AWAY in big letters."
"So what DID you find out?" He asked, confused.
"Well, she's determined to be independent. She thinks that if she confides in anyone then it's going to be seen as a sign of weakness. That and the fact that she's just not used to having people to speak to. The idea makes her uneasy. She doesn't like her classmates at school and she has nobody to play with but she doesn't seem too heartbroken by that. In fact she seems to have taken all her frustrations out on someone in particular, er…" she looked at her notes.
"Sophie Digwurt?" offered Qui-Gon.
"Yes. I believe that was the name." Sidatu nodded.
"Oh, I know all about Ms Digwurt. She sounds utterly enchanting." Jinn rolled his eyes. "She's made some rather unkind remarks about her recently and it didn't go down very well as you can imagine."
"Yes, and that's what I was going to mention." Sidatu said. "She's still not very secure with either herself or her own position in your household."
Qui-Gon's face registered surprise.
"She told you that?"
"More or less. She was extremely worried that I was going to say something about her that might cause you to change your mind about her living with you. She's also thoroughly frustrated about other people's attitudes to her. The fact that she's so far behind everyone else in her class physically because of that wasting illness has made her a very angry young lady."
"Angry?"
"At herself, more than anything else. I think a little confidence boosting might help."
Qui-Gon nodded.
"What about those nightmares?"
"There's not much point in you bringing her back if she's not prepared to talk. And I'm convinced that she either can't or won't. I've got two suggestions that might help.
Firstly, your padawan is what, four and a bit years older than she is? See if you can't get her to speak to him more. She seems to like him, going on what she told me. Perhaps she'll trust someone closer to her own age.
Secondly, I recommend you buy her a diary."
"A diary?"
"To write down whatever she likes, from what she had for breakfast to how she feels after her nightmares. To deal with a problem you have to face it. If she confides in her diary it might help her through the worst of it. It's better to make your peace with a book than with nobody at all."
Qui-Gon took in the information, slowly running it through his head.
"I'd say you've got your hands full, Master Jinn. But you should be able to make some progress."
"My thanks to you." He replied.
"Not at all. I'm always here if you need to talk…"
"Oh, no. You're not getting me on that couch."
"Pity." She sighed. "Oh, well."
As he turned to leave, Sidatu called out after him.
"Good luck with that plant of yours. It sounds like you've got some serious competition."
Qui-Gon paused at the door.
Perhaps this was just what he needed…
**************************
"Halt!" Jinn commanded as the Corellian girl bounded past him through the doorway and headed for the sanctuary of her bedroom.
Jemmiah stopped with her back to him, but her arms slapped down at her side, displaying her annoyance.
"What?" she moaned.
Qui-Gon decided to overlook the sarcasm for once. He could see she was waiting for the big discussion regarding her visit to the soul healers and wondered if now really was the right time to talk.
"You left this behind." He said, pointing at the plant pot.
She turned round.
"Can I do some baking?"
Her request surprised him.
"I didn't know you could."
"Oh, yes." She nodded. "I usually prefer to let everyone else do it though because that way you get the benefit without the hard work!"
"Somebody's swapped you with my padawan." Jinn muttered. "OK. But only because I'm here to supervise."
Jemmiah nodded and headed for her room.
"Where are you going? The kitchen is that way?" He asked in confusion. "I don't know what's wrong with you. One minute you're talking about gardening and the next you want to be a chef! Have you forgotten your plant already?"
Her head shook rigorously.
"Oh, no. This has got EVERYTHING to do with my plant." She said. "And I'll be right back. I need to get some things."
Qui-Gon sighed and sank back into his comfortable chair.
He didn't know what to do for the best and he was wondering if his indecision was beginning to show. A child lacking the force was just as much a challenge as one whom possessed it. And he wasn't certain that he was coping at all well.
She felt insecure, so Sidatu had said. Qui-Gon somehow had to make her feel more involved. And her recent obsession with growing this plant bothered him too. It was as if she'd taken all her own frustrations with her lack of development and foisted them onto this poor…what kind of plant was it anyhow?
There were so many factors to consider that it made Qui-Gon's head spin.
Jemmiah returned wearing a headstrong, determined look that he did not care for one little bit.
"What are you up to?" He asked her suspiciously.
"Nothing." Jemmy replied breezily. "Corellian Rock cakes OK for you?"
"Huh..er, yes. I'm sure they'll be very good."
Now more than ever Qui-Gon was convinced that something was going on, and not entirely sure that he wanted to know what it was….
*************************
Mace appeared shortly after lunch.
"What's been going on here?" He surveyed the kitchen, which didn't seem to have an inch free of flour, broken Korrassi Duck eggs and spilled milk. Used utensils and bowls lined the work surface as far as the eye could see.
"We," Qui-Gon said, "have been baking."
Jemmiah wandered over.
"Want one?" She asked Mace, proffering the tray with the little cakes on them. She watched as he uncertainly reached out a hand.
"Are they any good?" He asked.
"Course they are." She became indignant. "I made them!"
Mace chewed for a while, forming his opinion.
"Actually, they are quite good." He sounded surprised.
"See?" she said as she looked up at Qui-Gon. "I told you I could bake. The confidence you have in me is overwhelming."
Qui-Gon took one from the tray.
"Where did you learn to cook?" He asked, as he bit into the cake.
"My mother used to cook. When she died there was another woman called Rusa who used to do the meals. I learned mostly from her."
"She taught you quite well, apparently." Qui-Gon looked equally astonished. "Even if the output doesn't quite match the input." He pointed at the collection of dirty dishes.
"What are you talking about?" She frowned, turning round to look.
As she glanced away, Qui-Gon and Mace both grabbed another couple of cakes each.
"I'll clean those up in a moment…hey! Where did they go?" She glared. "I've never seen such a bunch of Gamorreans in my life!"
"Take it as a complement." Mace said with a mouthful of cake. "And anyhow, you've got plenty more over there."
Mace pointed at the cake mountain in the corner.
"Uh-uh. They're not for us." Jemmy shook her head adamantly. "They're special. I'm taking them to school tomorrow."
Qui-Gon smiled.
"A peace offering?" He asked.
"Well…not exactly. But I'm sure SOMEONE will take them. You see, I know of other Gamorreans who like to eat just as much as you do."
"I'm very pleased." Qui-Gon said in relief. "It's an extremely good way to patch up a quarrel. I'm impressed. Infact, just to show you how impressed I am with your maturity I shall do the cleaning up."
"N-no. That isn't necessary." Jemmiah began nervously.
"Take him up on it." Mace insisted. "Qui-Gon thinks that padawans and dishes were made for each other."
"But I made the mess. I should be the one to…"
Again Qui-Gon was pleased with her grown-up attitude.
"I insist. And Mace will help me, won't you?"
"Eh?"
"See. He agrees." Qui-Gon pointed at the chair. "You can sit down and watch some holos if you want."
"Thanks." Jemmy blinked.
Mace grumbled something as Qui-Gon threw him a dishtowel.
"Precocious little thing, isn't she?" Windu muttered as he put on an apron.
"I only wish my padawan had such a mature attitude." Qui-Gon said proudly. "Wash or dry?"
"Dry."
"Should have guessed." Jinn rolled his eyes.
Jemmiah put her hands over her face.
She didn't think Qui-Gon would be so keen to commend her maturity if he'd known what exactly she'd put in that second batch of rock cakes…
"So, what did you come round for?" Jinn asked as he plunged his hands into the water. "Come to admit defeat over your plant?"
"Is yours doing any better?" Mace shot back.
Qui-Gon felt himself becoming defensive.
"I haven't had the time to even consider it." Qui-Gon remarked testily. "I've had other things to contend with."
"Like?"
"Such as taking that one," he nodded at Jemmiah, "to see the soul healers."
Mace looked at the Corellian girl out the corner of his eye.
"Problems?"
"Difficulty letting go of the past and a certain degree of apprehension as regards the future, I would say." Qui-Gon summed up the meeting with Sidatu rather succinctly.
"Will she be alright?" Mace asked.
"Why are you so interested?" Qui-Gon said not unkindly. "When I first brought her back you were one of the main opposition to her staying."
"I thought you were taking on too much." Mace said firmly. "I had nothing against her whatsoever. I was just concerned that you were leaping into this without any consideration at all as to the effect it would have on all three of you." He held up his hands. "You were right and I was wrong. I admit it."
Qui-Gon smiled.
"Thank you. Although there have been times when I began to wonder if you weren't right after all. Like last night when she challenged me about going to bed as I instructed. And when I found out the reason behind it I felt extremely guilty."
"Not easy, being a parent." Mace smiled.
"Talking of which, when are you going to take another padawan?" Qui-Gon smiled. "When are you going to get your new dishwasher installed."
Mace flicked the dishtowel at him.
"I've never understood why you insist on hand washing this stuff." He brandished an old style egg whisk. "What's wrong with getting all the modern luxuries and appliances of modern technology installed?"
"Because," Qui-Gon replied, "It's a good way of learning discipline."
"You need discipline?"
"Not for me, for the padawans" His face became clouded. "Not that it did Xanatos any good."
Mace dried one of the bowls in silence for a moment.
"Yoda seems quite friendly with young Jemmiah." Mace stated casually.
"So? He was my master. It's only natural that he would want to keep an eye on her and Obi-Wan." Jinn frowned.
"He thinks she's important." Mace said bluntly.
"Important?" Qui-Gon's head snapped round to meet Windu's. "In what way?"
Mace shrugged.
"He's seen something, hasn't he? That's why he was so firmly on our side when I took on the council over her custody."
"Perhaps." Mace nodded.
"And Yoda told you this?" Qui-Gon stopped what he was doing. "You know too, don't you?"
Mace replied carefully.
"I think we might have some problems in the future and that Yoda is convinced that it is important to make sure that we keep a watch over your ward."
"What sort of problems?" He asked. "The Jedi order?"
"Bigger than that, possibly." Mace said, drying a sieve with the cloth.
"That is no answer at all." Qui-Gon actually looked upset.
"It's the only one I can give you." Windu replied.
Silently they both continued their tasks: one to dry and the other to wash. Thinking thoughts that neither of them wanted to think. The future of their order seemed so secure…didn't it? That anything should happen to destroy that stability was incomprehensible to Qui-Gon.
"This is like the old days." Mace commented as he tried to break the gloomy quiet that had ensued.
"What is?" Jinn grunted.
"Us washing dishes. Usually it was for punishment."
"I got to wash far more dishes than you." Qui-Gon remarked.
"No you did not!" Mace retorted. "It was nearly always your fault but I got caught!"
"Nothing's changed in that respect." Qui-Gon smiled slightly. "I always used to complete my punishments faster than you because," he splashed some water at Mace, "I was better at everything than you were."
"No you weren't!" Mace looked annoyed.
"Yes, I was!" Jinn shot back.
"I'll bet I can get that silly plant to grow faster than you." Mace let his voice climb so that Jemmiah could hear him.
"I'll bet you can't!" Qui-Gon grinned.
"200 credits say you can't!"
"Done!"
Jemmiah walked over to them with her plant pot in hand.
"You'll both have to go some to beat me!" She grinned.