Chapter 5
They couldn't help but draw stares, even out of uniform. But after all the years they had become so inured to it, they didn't notice.
"It's been a long time since I've walked just to…walk," Billy said.
He had changed clothes, not bodies. Diana had asked why. After all, he wouldn't look much different.
"I just don't feel comfortable like that anymore. I feel too vulnerable."
Now they walked down a Los Angeles street and talked, not noticing the stares.
"Would you like to get something to eat?" Billy asked.
"Yes, that sounds nice."
They ducked into an expensive looking bistro. The maitre d' gave them a snotty look until he appeared to recognize them. Without a word, he led them to a table and sat them.
Bustling hurriedly, a waiter approached. "Can I start you off with something to drink?" he asked in a solicitous tone.
"Yes," Diana answered. "I believe I will have…the house white."
Billy raised his eyebrows. The waiter turned to him. "And for you, sir?"
Billy was still looking at Diana, a mildly scandalized look on his face. The stare she returned was playful and a bit challenging. Slowly the corner of Billy's mouth turned up, matching her mischievous smile.
"I'll take a Heineken, please," he said, his eyes never leaving Diana's.
"Very good, sir." The waiter jotted it down on his order pad and scurried away.
"Drinking, Diana? Aren't we superheroes?"
"Not today, William," she replied, putting a slight emphasis on his name. "Remember? Today we are people."
"Right. Of course."
Their drinks arrived. Indicating that they needed a few more minutes, they sent the waiter away. They sat staring at each other, uncomfortable. Finally Billy gave a small cough. "So…what do people talk about?"
"Their lives, generally. Their friends, their families. Work."
"Shop talk?"
"Something like that, yes."
Billy considered. Mentally, he chose 'shop talk' from the list provided him.
"What's the hardest part for you?" he asked.
Diana sighed. "Never getting a break. No, that's not quite right. We do get breaks but when we do…I don't know what to do with myself."
Billy leaned forward, nodding. "Yeah. I feel like that, too. When it's quiet I'm almost disappointed. I feel anxious and, and…"
"Like your skin doesn't fit."
"Exactly."
"So, is that the hardest part for you?" Diana asked.
Billy sat back, a frown darkening his face. "No. No, for me it's the Wisdom."
"What do you mean?"
"The Wisdom of Solomon. Mary used it better, at first. It tells us things that we need to know. Mary found that she could ask it things, know things. So I did it.
"I asked it to tell me whenever something wrong is happening in the world."
Diana gasped, her eyes wide. "Gods! Billy…"
Billy's eyes were dark, haunted. "I can't get it to stop. I mean, I could. I could just ask it to stop. But I don't dare. What if I miss something because of…?"
"Because of what?" Then it hit her. "Because of your selfishness?"
Billy nodded. "Every moment I'm not Captain Marvel, I put lives at risk. Innocent lives. In fact, I'm starting to think that maybe tonight wasn't such a good idea…" He began to stand.
"William Batson, you sit right down!" Diana hissed. It was quiet, but carried the same weight as a barked command. Billy sat.
"We are here to help ourselves. And we're allowed. Because helping ourselves can mean helping others. We can't save every life on the planet, Billy."
His eyes snapped up to hers and she flinched back. She had only seen torment like that in the eyes of souls trapped in Hell. And one other mortal man.
"I know," he whispered. "Believe me…I know.
"It tells me everything that's wrong. Everything. I had to make a choice, Diana. I had to draw a line. If I tried to save every life, every moment…I still couldn't. It's not possible. Not even with all that I can do. I can't move fast enough. Flash couldn't move fast enough.
"But it doesn't make it any easier to hear every death in your head, every moment of every day."
Diana closed her eyes. She was cold and sad and scared.
"I'm sorry, Diana," Billy said quietly.
She opened her eyes, astonished. "You're sorry? For what?"
"For…for telling you that. You don't need to hear about my problems."
Diana reached across the table and took his hand, squeezing it. "I'm your friend, Billy. It's part of what friends do."
He leaned forward and brushed at her cheek with his finger. It came away with a tear captured on it. "You're crying."
"Yes. I don't know why." She brushed at her eyes.
"Well, don't feel too bad about it. The only reason I'm not is the Stamina of Atlas." He grinned.
Diana began to laugh. Oblivious to the stares, Billy joined her.
Later, they walked again.
"…at first the rumors were hard to deal with," Diana was saying. "On Themyscira we never questioned it. It didn't make any difference to us who slept with who, just so long as they did their job."
"Heh. Welcome to the rest of the world."
"Yes. It was sort of disappointing. But I found that if I just ignored the question, eventually it goes away."
"How long did it take?"
She sighed. "Years."
"The notoriety can be hard," Billy agreed. "Especially when you can't give as much time to it as the people seem to want."
"How do you mean?"
"Well, when I first started I had my secret identity. And that secret identity had responsibilities too. Work, school. Those alone took up most of my day. Captain Marvel showed up fairly infrequently, when he could or when it was an emergency. And then he had to go just as fast as he could so Billy Batson could get back to class or his job. So there was some speculation about me too when it started. Some people thought I was an alien invader, one guy thought I was a communist infiltrator because my uniform is red…it went on and on. Finally, I had to pull a Clark Kent."
"A what?"
Billy gave a small laugh. "I reported on myself. Even taped an interview and ran it on the radio. It was hard, too, because I didn't have access to any editing equipment. I had to ask the question as Billy, stop the tape, change, start the tape and answer it. The weathermen around Fawcett were going nuts with all the lightning striking around town."
Diana was laughing. "Oh, my," she gasped out. "What a hysterical image. 'State your name for the record.' BOOM! 'I'm Captain Marvel'. BOOM! 'So, what's your favorite color?' BOOM!" She stopped, nearly doubled over. Billy smiled, too, his hands in his pockets. Finally, he reached out and tugged on her arm.
"Come on, Princess, we're still walking," he said, sardonic.
Calming down, Diana stood and resumed their walk. Billy stuffed his hands back in the pockets of his jacket, enjoying the feeling of the warm night air on his face. He felt good.
They ambled along in companionable silence. Billy was content, not thinking, not listening to the Wisdom in his head. Just seeing the sights around him.
He almost didn't notice when Diana slipped an arm through his.
He managed to not stumble. He managed to not jerk his head around in surprise. He did not, however, manage to keep his eyes forward and they swiveled to his companion.
Her eyes were doing the same thing, looking at him. As he stared, her eyebrow quirked up and her lips curled in a slight smile. Her expression seemed to say, very teasingly, 'What?'
Billy relaxed and smiled back. Bringing his eyes forward, he kept walking.
"Come on," Diana said, breaking the reverie. She tugged at his arm. "I want to show you something."
Still oblivious to the stares, they took to the air.
"You're right, Diana. It is gorgeous."
They had made a quick stop at the Watchtower to retrieve some gear, oxygen helmets and radios. Now they floated above the blue and green ball of the Earth, bathing in its glow.
"This is what we fight for," Billy muttered.
"No," Diana whispered. "This is where we live."
She took his hand in hers. It felt warm versus the harsh cold of the vacuum.