Preface (June 12, 2001):

Retcon sucks. After going back and looking at the manga translations concerning
Maho Isawa (available on karekano.isgreat.net) a bit more carefully than I'd
done before, it was clear my concept of Maho's background was quite at variance
with her real "circumstances." That, and Maho's "voicing" is pretty awful in
retrospect.

So, because I like Maho, I've gone back and tinkered with the passages
concerning her somewhat. Her speech at coffee with Yukino and Team Tsubasa in
particular is completely revised. I'm not sure how much revision I might do with
"A coeur ouvert," which has similar problems.

Moral to other writers: Research is your friend.

Comments still welcome. In particular, if you've read the old version, let me
know how well the new version works.

Paul Corrigan
corrig11@pilot.msu.edu
---
Preface (December 25, 2000):

This was written as a Christmas fic for _Kareshi Kanojo no Jijo_ fans and
fanfic lovers generally, but it might be of general interest. It's been argued
that the _Karekano_ anime in particular is so complete in itself that any
attempt at fan fiction is pointless. This, however, refused to let me go. That
is a good thing, because that meant it actually got written.

This one, like all my others, is probably too long. That, and Aya Sawada makes
a very poor Linus Van Pelt. In all fairness, though, she's not Linus. For the
record, she cites the New International Version.

Something else. This is set after the TV series, and it's full of spoilers if
you haven't seen the whole series, so use your own discretion. If you haven't
seen to at least episode 10, too, you might want to remind yourself who
Yukino's friends are. A good site for Karekano information is
http://karekano.isgreat.net.

Comments welcome.

Paul Corrigan
corrig11@pilot.msu.edu
---
In the year 2000 AD the Japanese Empire lay in ruins. The bursting of the
bubble economy had resulted in record unemployment, in turn leading to an
increase in juvenile delinquency and petty crime. Foreigners roamed the
streets, many of them from East Lansing, Michigan. In short, it was an era of
chaos.

Meanwhile, at Hokuei Prefectural High School, located in the city of Kawasaki,
Kanagawa prefecture, not far from Tokyo, 15-year-old Yukino Miyazawa, a young
woman of humble origins, was the undisputed queen of the first-year class,
impressing all who met her with her excellent scholastic performance, her
beauty and her grace. However, Miyazawa's public image was a mere facade
covering up a vain, lazy, self-centered interior, specifically designed to earn
the public acclaim she so desperately craved.

However, much to her chagrin, Miyazawa's "debut" at Hokuei High was
overshadowed by the enrollment of one Soichiro Arima, a young man from a
wealthy family of doctors tracing itself back to the Tokugawa Shogunate, whose
intellect, handsome appearance and breeding, not to mention his athletic
abilities, easily made him Miyazawa's peer. It was perhaps because Miyazawa was
in fact his _only_ peer at Hokuei High that Miyazawa became the first woman he
had ever found truly desirable.

However, in an incident that need not concern us here, Arima saw Miyazawa's
public image, among other things, shattered before his eyes. The consequence of
this was that Arima became the first to know the true personality of Miyazawa.
For her part Miyazawa was the first that Arima trusted with the knowledge of
his struggle to rise above the shameful circumstances of his birth, and the
contempt in which his extended family held him as a result, for it was this
that had made him feel obliged to become a man without flaw.

The two made a pledge to abandon their public images and express their true
natures to the world at large. In the process of making this change in their
lives, they became close friends, then somewhat more than close friends, to
being _kareshi to kanojo_ ("boyfriend and girlfriend"). What commonly follows
this was perhaps only a matter of time.

The process was not without incident, with opposition from authority figures
and other students. Luckily, these incidents generally ended well, with Arima
and Miyazawa, occasionally with the help of Miyazawa's and Arima's highly
supportive parents, earning the respect and often friendship of their former
opponents.

One source of potential conflict, however, soon arose. After abandoning her
public facade, Yukino Miyazawa, with a little effort, found it easy to win her
first real friends and sources of support from outside her family. This enabled
her to begin to overcome the worst of her character defects.

Soichiro Arima made no such attempt, and as his relationship to Miyazawa grew,
and arguably because of that relationship, what few genuine friends he had
began to drift away from him, a Hideaki Asaba and a Tsubasa Shibahime among
them. As a result, his sources of support, besides his parents who had defended
him from the rest of his family, became increasingly restricted to Miyazawa and
Miyazawa alone; this in turn twisted his soul more torturously than before.

This is how matters stood in December of 2000. In Japan, Christmas is a
festival of romance, and it fell to Arima to ask Miyazawa for their first
Christmas date. For obvious reasons, and not so obvious reasons, she happily
accepted.

Which was all very well, except...

---
STILLE NACHT
---
A _Kareshi Kanojo no Jijo_ ("Karekano") fanfic by Paul Corrigan
---
_Karekano_ concept devised by Masami Tsuda
---

Christmas Eve was never that big a deal, at least not in the Miyazawa house.
What I remember of the ones when I was younger was Mom and Dad'd take us to
Grandpa's to spend the night waiting for Santa, and then disappear for the rest
of the night--to a love hotel, I know now, though of course they never let on
then. Grandpa grumped about it while Mom and Dad were still there--that's
probably why they stopped when we got a bit older and we could look after
ourselves, because he wasn't going to do a favor for the likes of Dad if there
really was a choice. Once they were gone it was great though. He used to tell us
that he went to school with Santa and they were like _this_, which is why we got
such sweet presents. Even if we'd not been so nice, we'd get bumped from the
naughty to the nice list, 'cause you see _he_ had connections. When I was really
little I believed it too. I mean come on, he was old enough, right?

Anyway, I think it was on Christmas Eve when I was six that Grandpa taught me
shogi. I practiced all the following year and whupped him the next Christmas.

These days, now we're a bit older and we've outgrown Santa, Mom and Dad just
take off, and I've gotten left to look after Tsukino and Kano all night. Not
that I mind, but it is kind of boring. Problem is before I met Arima I had
nowhere better to be that night either.

Next morning we still get small gifts, though, which is nice. In our house
though New Year's is the big family bash. We'll all dress up in our kimonos
(Dad gets _way_ too into that--damn, he's creepy sometimes), and we'll play Uno
and sing karaoke and watch them ring the temple bells on TV at midnight.
Nowadays Mom and Dad let me have a little sweet sake, too, if I ask them nicely
enough and they've had plenty themselves.

New Year money is nice too. Bite me, I'm materialistic.

Grandpa never comes though. He even sends us our New Year cash in the mail
because he doesn't want to see Dad. Mom invites him every year but...oh well.
That's Grandpa for you.

Arima's asked me on dates dozens of times--I lost count well into the
"Springtime Date Marathon," never again--so it was a bit of a surprise to see
him real flustered about asking me out Christmas Eve. Guess it shouldn't have
been, seeing he gets worried about us getting "carried away" when we're alone,
as if we hadn't done it lots of times already. It might have been the whole bit
about it being a _Christmas_ date, and so having to "cross the threshold"
again, but I don't think it's on the same order of magnitude.

It's kind of cute though.

That, and it's evidence that he's in awe of me sometimes. Heck, who needs sex
when you can get that, huh?

Just kidding. I'm a recovering glutton for praise and I plan to stay on the
wagon.

But he is cute when he's flustered.

So we're sitting in the classroom school eating lunch on the 18th and he's like
"Um...Miyazawa..." hand behind his head and everything.

And I'm all smiles and I'm like, "Yes, what?"

"W...Well...I was just hoping you weren't busy Christmas Eve...I thought we
could go see a movie, or something like that, nothing perverse mind..."

I thought he'd never ask. So naturally I responded:

"Yes! YES! I'm free! I'm free! No more sitting home babysitting Tsukino and
Kano while the crumblies run off to relive the early years of their marriage
while poor little me sits all lost and alone on Christmas Eve!" And I start
laughing like a maniac and doing a victory dance until Arima tells me people
are staring and I really should stop. So I did.

"Nobody ever asked you on a Christmas date before, Miyazawa?" he asked me then.

"Oh. Well..." I'm sure I was blushing myself. "Well, kind of, yeah. Of course,
I never said yes. Nobody asked me I really wanted to go with." So I turn the
tables, and I'm like, "Your turn now! What about you? You ever ask anyone?"

"Well, no. I didn't date in those days, you know..."

"I asked him last Christmas, but he turned me down. I went about in a state of
utter heartbreak for months after that." Amazing how Asaba can sneak up to you
like that. He was hugging Arima from behind and looking even creepier than
usual.

Arima just sighed. "No you didn't, you lying perv."

Asaba let him go. "Just kidding. You're so fun to tease. Isn't he, Miyazawa?"

I had a big show of thinking about that for a moment and then said, "Yup."
Arima scowled.

"Ah, yes, Miyazawa, your first Christmas date with Soichiro! Congratulations!
For your present, you should make him do this really fabulous technique he does
with his tongue. You see..."

"Will you STOP!?" Arima growled.

Even I was getting a bit nervous, so I was like, "So, Asapin, you got any
particular Christmas plans?"

That stopped Asaba in his tracks. Not that I'd intended that specifically, mind
you. He sat down with us, and in a serious voice he said, "Unless you count a
work shift that there's no way in hell I can get out of, no."

"You work?" I asked, and I thought, No wonder his grades suck; he probably
never has time to study. I mean, if he could afford a bodyboard he probably
didn't sleep.

"Yeah. The money my asshole dad sends me pays my tuition and maybe half my
rent. Can't live on that. Didn't Soichiro tell you?"

"Oh right," said Arima ironically, "we spend our moments alone talking about
you." He bit into a shrimp with a look of disgust on his face.

"No. Where do you work at?"

"One of the love hotels on the outskirts of town."

I about fell out of my chair. "You work _where_!?"

"One of the love..."

"No! I mean, is that _legal_ for you to work there?"

"I lied about my age. Anyway, all I do is take people's money, tell them to lie
about what their names are in the guestbook and give them keys. I don't have
laundry duty or anything, thank God. Easy work. End up doing homework mostly.
Nothing else to do the rest of the time."

And I think, Okay, he just sucks at school then.

"Of course the person who _does_ do laundry insists on telling me about what
she found in the rooms _this_ time whenever she's on break, but I can handle
that."

And I'm like, "Ew."

And he's like, "It's not like anybody even wants _my_ job, though, so it was
easy getting hired. Decent dough, too. Point is, Christmas Eve's a big night
for us, so I couldn't take off to take someone out even if I wanted to. Say,
Soichiro, you going to finish your rice?"

"Maybe. You mind if I start it first? Why don't you spend your money on decent
food rather than on your appearance?"

As for me I was amazed Arima could still eat. I had the image stuck in my head
of Asaba helping Mom and Dad check into their hotel. Thank you sir, thank you
ma'am, room 69, second floor! Hey, Hideaki, check out what the Miyazawas left
behind!

Anyway, I really didn't want to think about Mom and Dad having sex any more, so
I asked Asaba--maybe I shouldn't have, but I did--"Was there anyone you wanted
to take out, though?"

"Seriously?" I don't think I'd ever seen Asaba blush like that. His face fell.
Finally he said, "I didn't have any particular girl in mind, no."

And I just kind of grinned and said, "What, Hideaki Asaba, late of the Hideaki
Asaba Dinner Show, embarrassed to talk about _loooove_?" Call me insensitive if
you like. That or just dense.

"How long have you known Asaba?" said Arima, finally starting on his rice.
"He's all talk and no action."

And I'm like, "Seriously, though, there's really nobody? I mean come on, half
the first year girls'd kill to go on a date with you. There's really none of
them you like?"

"None of them really interest me, no. Not enough I'd take them out Christmas,
anyway."

"What I want to know," said Arima, not even bothering to look up from his rice,
"is why you string them along like that."

Asaba perked up and beamed at Arima from ear to ear. "Because I can, silly."

"I know!" I said. "I don't think Aya Sawada's seeing anyone, and you're both
sort of artsy types. You want me to set you two guys up? Not Christmas Eve,
maybe January..."

Asaba's beam disappeared in record time. "No, that's all right. Thanks though."

"Okay, fine." I mean, honestly, I really had no idea what I'd said. Seeing him
after he figured out about me and Arima doing _that_ was bad enough, but there
were enough theatrics that I figured most of it was an act. Now, he just seemed
darned low. I suddenly felt really sorry for him. "Asapin, did I say something
wrong?"

He got up. "Look, Miyazawa, let me put it this way." I'm quite sure he was
looking at Arima when he said it, but I didn't make anything of it, at least
not then. "There's only one person I ever liked, and by the time I knew them
well enough to do anything about it I knew it'd never work out."

And I'm like, "Oh. Okay. Anybody I know?"

And just then he looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Um..."

I'm guessing "saved by the bell" was never more appropriate. Arima finished his
rice and said: "You're late for class."

And Asaba acts all shocked and stuff and he's like "Ack! 'k, gotta go. You too
have fun on your Christmas date now. Byeeee!" and dashes for the door. Then he
dashes back and he makes a show of whispering in my ear (loud enough for Arima
to hear of course), "You wanna know which hotel? I'll get you a discount
rate...!"

"JUST BEAT IT BEFORE KAWASHIMA GETS HERE, WILL YA!" Arima yelled. And Asaba
did. Instantly.

---

So later in the week--I'm sure the midterms were done and we had been let go
for the winter holiday, so I'm guessing it was Saturday the 23rd--I'm telling
Maho Isawa and Team Tsubasa--Tsubasa, Aya, Rika Sena and Tsubaki Sakura--about
all that at one of the few cafés in town we're still allowed into with Tsubasa
around. Fortunately Tsubasa was in a good mood that day, so nothing got
damaged.

"Don't worry about it," Aya said. "I wouldn't have gone with him anyway. The
guy gives me the shivers."

And Rika was like, "Your first Christmas date? How romantic!" You could almost
see the stars in her eyes as she said it.

And Maho just sips her coffee and says, "Yeah, you would say that, wouldn't
you?"

So I ask her, "You don't like Christmas?"

"Oh, I like Christmas fine, I just don't do mushy stuff."

"So what do you and Yusuke do anyway? You don't go out or anything?" Yusuke's
her boyfriend, the 28-year-old dentist guy. I never know whether to be envious
or worried over Maho and him.

Maho put down her coffee, flipped her hair a little and looked me right in the
eye. "Listen, girl. You and I both know there are far more interesting things
to do with a guy on a cold night than go see a dumb movie or eat overpriced
food."

"Like what?" Tsubasa piped up. Actually honked up. She always sounds like she
has a cold when she talks, which isn't all that often.

"Eat your pie."

Tsubasa did just that. Maho picked her coffee back up and took a sip. "Girl
still believes in Santa, I shouldn't wonder."

Tsubaki snickered. "Heh. You don't know the half of it, beautiful. She still
did 'til she was thirteen."

Good thing Maho'd swallowed her coffee. That could have gotten messy. She was
like, "WHAT!?"

And I'm like, "You're joking, right?"

And Tsubaki's like, "Nope. We're sitting in--well, it doesn't matter where,
they've been closed since forever anyway--one day and she's like, 'so what's
Santa bringing y'all?' and I'm like, 'a lumpa coal like every year,' and she's
like, 'no, really. Dad says Santa's getting me a really cool dress,' and we all
just stare at her like she's from _Mars_ or somethin', and finally Aya's like,
'uh, Tsubasa, your Dad's getting you that dress himself, he's, like, a designer
and shit?' and Tsubasa's like, 'no, he said...' and Aya's like, 'Tsubasa, there
isn't a Santa Claus, a'right, your old man's been buying you all those gifts
all those years.'"

Aya took it from there. "Big mistake. The only way we could stop her from
trashing the place singlehandedly was to promise to buy her all the cake and
pie and candy and stuff she could possibly eat in one sitting."

So I asked, "Did it work?"

"Yeah. Thing was me and Tsubaki realized by the seventh helping of cheesecake
that we weren't going to be able to pay for it all."

And Maho asked, "So what did you guys do?"

"Us?" said Aya. "Me and Tsubaki pretended to go to the bathroom and escaped
through the window and left Rika behind to pay the bill. The café called the
cops, 'course. Hoo boy, were Rika's folks pissed or what?"

Tsubaki laughed. "Yeah, no shit!"

Rika looked upset. "I didn't get any New Year money that year. And even if I
had, it still would have been mean. For Tsubasa and me."

Tsubaki's like, "C'mon, Rika, not like Tsubasa's old man was in a big rush to
tell her or nothing, someone had to, right?"

That was the darndest thing I'd heard in ages. "He really hadn't..." Not a
question, just disbelief.

"He said later he was actually kind of grateful, because he hadn't the heart to
do it himself," Aya said. "Now you know more about why Tsubasa's the way she
is."

"Waitress, some more pumpkin pie, please," said Tsubasa. "With extra whipped
cream. Make it snappy, I'm still hungry."

If that'd been Kano or someone I'd have slapped them upside of the head.
Tsubasa...well...I sometimes think the nice thing about Tsubasa is you always
know exactly where you stand with her. Tsubaki said one time that Tonami had
told her that "Tsubasa is a wild animal," and he might have hit the nail right
on the head. I mean, aside from the fighting with cats and stuff--that's just
plain weird--she seems to know like that who's a friend, who's a threat, and
all that. Actually, she's better at it than Peropero, come to think of it.
She's cute, sure, but I'm not sure she can actually help that. Her being really
short does it, I guess.

That, and she doesn't talk much more than Peropero, except when she has
something to say, or she wants food. Aside from that the hissing and scratching
bit's usually good enough for her.

Of course, I may only be envying her because I'm a recovering poser and I don't
think she's even capable of posing. I can see how she'd get annoying real fast,
though.

I never really intended to tell the girls that me and Arima had gone all the
way. It was our business, and besides, I was afraid I'd hurt Tsubasa, which I
really didn't want to do. One of the worst sights in this world is seeing
Tsubasa Shibahime cry. I don't mean whine like a fire engine, I mean really
cry.

When it finally came out though the amazing thing was not that she flipped
out--she didn't flip out at all--but that she actually spoke. It was sometime
in November, and I was with Team Tsubasa and Maho hanging out at the mall or
something, and for some reason Rika'd asked Maho why the heck she was dating a
28-year-old guy anyway. "Are you sure you should be dating a man that old?"

When I'd asked her, she'd been a bit more forthcoming. Just then, though, she'd
taken it as a joke. I don't know why. "Listen, goody-two-shoes," Maho said, "if
you actually had a man you'd know that the two _really_ most desirable things
about a guy are, one, lots of cash, and two, enough experience to be able to
last more than sixty seconds at a time. Now if our Yukino Miyazawa had more
than one out of two, there'd be no stopping her, but _no_, she has to date
teenage boys..."

She was laughing as she said it of course, but for some reason I got insulted
and I blurted out, "How would you know how long my boyfriend lasts? He's never
had any trouble...oops." I covered my mouth, but of course, I couldn't stuff it
back inside.

Maho just stared at me, then she pointed in the general direction of Tsubasa
and said, "Miyazawa, I was just kidding about Arima. Really. I mean, come on, I
wouldn't know how good your guy is in bed..."

Tsubaki went white and said, "I'd say you've got about ten seconds to say you
were shitting us about Arima 'never having trouble,' that, or get at least a
mile away from here."

Tsubasa just stared at me, expressionless. Rika studied her shoes.

Aya started to count down. "Six...five...four..."

I wanted to say that it wasn't true, but I knew it wouldn't work, so all I
actually did was just stand there, feeling very, very naked, and muttering,
"Um...Tsubasa, I..."

"Three...two...one..."

Tsubasa just kept staring at me, expressionless. "Took you long enough to spill
it."

Aya's like, "Well, I'll be. It's a dud. We're gonna live."

And I'm like, "Huh?"

"Figured it out long ago. I'm over it. Really."

"Um...okay, but...how did you know?"

"He acts different now. Like a man." Pause. "Harsher. It's in his eyes."
Another pause. "Like he'd kill for you."

Rika looked pretty shocked. I don't think any of the rest of us quite knew how
to react either. Least of all me. I believed she believed what she was saying,
but I hadn't seen half of it myself. Maybe I am dense.

Something caught Tsubasa's eye. "Beaner's have half off on fudge cheesecake.
I'm there."

We all breathed a sigh of relief. Everyone except Maho started bombarding me
with questions, but I'd opened my big mouth enough for that day. Maho was just
like, "Well, welcome to the club, I guess."

I've wondered ever since just why Tsubasa took it as well as she did. Tsubaki
says she's actually much better at home now she's got her step-mom and Kazuma.
There is that, but I notice too Tsubasa hangs out with me far more nowadays
than with Arima.

Now I think of it, I don't like the idea of his killing anyone on my account,
that's for sure. I mean, wanting to is one thing, but would he do it? I don't
know.

I don't want to think about that.

Where was I? Christmas. So anyway, Maho's like, "So, anyway, all we did last
year was I spent the night at his place, and that's fine by me this year."

This time I raised an eyebrow. "Your family don't mind?"

Maho pulled a face. "Don't be stupid, Miyazawa," she hissed at me, so nobody
else in the café would hear. "Do you really think I'd be a big enough fool to
tell them I'm having sex with a 28-year-old man to begin with? Much less where
I'm really spending Christmas Eve night?" She tried to take another swig of
coffee, then realized there wasn't any in her cup. "Damn. Waitress, another cup
of coffee over here!"

"What did you tell them?" I asked her.

"Would you believe that I'm going to a party with Tsubaki Sakura from school?"

Tsubaki got a wicked glint in her eye and she was like, "Did I just win the
lotto?"

Maho just gave her The Look. "No."

"They didn't ask any questions?" Aya asked.

"No. They never do. I'm completely spoiled, you know. They look at my perfect
grades, and they continue to believe that they trained me so well that I
couldn't do anything wrong if I tried. Once upon a time, it might have been
true. They were very strict with me when I was younger. At some point, though,
they apparently decided adding further amounts of backbone was more trouble than
it was worth. Perhaps it was exhaustion with the very concept of raising
children. I was probably the last for a reason. If you ask me, though, it's a
wonder I'm not a complete delinquent. Or dead. There's a difference between
giving people their space and letting them run wild. I don't want to talk about
it any more." Her coffee had come by now, and she picked up the cup to sip, as
if to mark the subject closed. "That reminds me. Tsubaki, what _are_ you doing
for Christmas, anyway? Will you be seeing Tonami? Because," she said, smiling
again, "I'm afraid I won't be available."

It's things like that make me worry about Maho. Having an _onesan_ is fun
sometimes, sure. She taught me practically everything I know about what's up
with sex, for instance. (The theory anyway. The practice I had to get from
Arima. Not that I minded.) Mom's a sweetheart, and she told me where babies
come from, of course, but she doesn't like to go into the details, so I was
really lucky in that department. I do get the feeling sometimes Maho learned a
lot of stuff the hard way, though.

And the thing is, she had a point. Unless people are really paying attention,
they'd never know if anything was up until something happened. Like your grades
dropped. Or you wound up dead somewhere. But on the other hand, unless something
did happen, they might be better off if they didn't know. I guess I wouldn't
want Mom or Dad (especially not him) to know I was seeing someone like Maho's
boyfriend. Not like I tell them half the stuff I've done with Arima.

Tsubaki just humphed and looked away. "That asshole? You must be joking."

Of course, Tsubaki was doing it for show and Maho knew it, so she asked, "So,
what? You found something even better instead?"

"I thought of asking Rika out, but her folks'd freak."

Rika clung to Aya suddenly, and bit her lip. Unlike Tsubasa, she really is a
cutie pie.

Aya just looked at her and said, "What, you want me to save you?"

Tsubaki's like, "Damn, am I that ugly? Jeez..."

So I offered helpfully, "Rika, aren't you doing anything? I thought maybe that
nice guy who came to the play would have asked you out...what was his name..."

Aya supplied it. "Our Kyo? Nah. He wouldn't have the guts."

Rika began to fidget and giggle nervously. "Oh, I don't know what I'd do if he
did..."

Tsubaki smirked. "I do. You'd take him home..."--Rika went quite red--"...and
end up baking him cookies instead of doing him."

Rika didn't look happy about that. She folded her arms and pouted.

And Tsubaki's like, "Adds new meaning to the expression 'stealing cookies from
her jar,' huh?"

Maho's coffee had arrived. She took a sip. "Like you'd know about that."

"Rika has cookies?" said Guess Who.

"No, Tsubasa," said Aya. "Leave Rika alone, okay, Tsubaki? She doesn't have to
put out if she doesn't want to. I mean, can you _imagine_ Rika seducing Kyo?"

Rika gave Aya a big bear hug and was like, "Aya, you _are_ defending me! I'm so
happy!"

"You're welcome! Lemme go!"

"Actually," said Rika, letting Aya go, "I was going to make him cookies and
bring them over Christmas morning. I thought he'd like it." She pouted again.
"Now I won't be able to without thinking dirty thoughts. You're mean, Tsubaki."

"I try."

"So Aya," I said, "what are you doing?"

"Me?" she said. "Nothing romantic. Probably end up going to Mass with Mom.
Don't have anywhere better to be, and it's easier to go than to fight with her
about me not going. Someone has to. Dad won't, he's a Communist."

"You go to church at Christmas?" said Maho. She looked genuinely surprised. Me
I'd guessed from the name that it was a Christian religious festival of some
sort, but I never checked any of the details. Not like it ever came up. Aya
going to church never had either.

Aya just looked at us like we were nuts and said, "Uh, yeah. It's kind of a big
deal. My mom's from Nagasaki, her folks are Catholics. Nagasaki's full of them.
I had a great-grandmother who was in the cathedral there at Mass the day the
Americans nuked the city. Went every single morning, Grandma says. Cathedral's
flattened, she gets killed along with everyone else inside."

"Oh."

"Anyway, that's beside the point. Mom's no holy roller herself, but she still
goes every Sunday. I used to go too, when I was little, every Sunday I mean. I
remember the church was pretty cool. All the stained glass, the ceremony. I
think little kids like that that sort of thing. Christmas Eve and Easter Vigil,
that was the best. When I was younger the priest there, Fr. Gesell--where was
he from? Austria? Switzerland?--somewhere. He sounded German anyway, dunno what
he was doing here. I'm sure he taught German at the Catholic school up town,
though. I actually got in there, but Dad wouldn't let Mom enroll me. Which was
fine by me, because I wouldn't have Rika to pick on so much."

Rika just smiled.

"Anyway, he played a little guitar, and after he'd ended the service, the
recessional hymn--the one they'd play when folks were supposed to be leaving to
go home--he'd play 'Stille Nacht' himself on the guitar with the choir, in
German, all three verses--'Silent Night,' you know? Nobody understood a word, I
bet, but I thought it was the coolest thing I'd ever heard. At any rate,
everybody would stay and applaud when he was done. When I was about thirteen
though he moved on to another parish and they got a Japanese guy in, who
couldn't play guitar. I don't know if there was any connection really, but I'm
sure it was about then I stopped going on Sunday."

"It's not the church, it's still the same, except for the priest. I guess I
still like it at Christmas and Easter. Not Sunday, Sunday's kind of boring. I
like the ceremony still. Different reason, though. All the symbolism. You're a
writer, you have to like that. The church'll be all decorated, holly and a crib
for Christmas, an Easter candle for Easter..."

"A crib? Whuffor?" Tsubasa's mouth was full of pumpkin pie.

Maho acted surprised. "It talks."

"Okay," said Aya. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, so I don't have to
explain the meaning of Christmas to the heathen nations or some shit like that.
I really don't want to."

"'Sokay. I know."

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Cake." Tsubasa began chowing down again.

"Don't make me slug you."

"Santa?" offered Tsubaki.

"Try a _little_ harder, 'k?"

"Love?" I thought it was worth a try. Christians seem to talk about love a lot.

"No marks. You're the group genius. Getting warmer, though." The answer seemed
to have done her good.

"Sex?" That was Maho.

"NO, dammit! Contrary to the belief popular among hornballs like you there is
absolutely NO SEX INVOLVED here! What part of Virgin Birth don't you people
understand? For the love of..." Aya stopped tearing her hair suddenly and
looked at us. "Wait. You've no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

I guess the silence and the blank stares gave her her answer.

"Fine. We'll do this the hard way. Not like I've anything better to do."

Just how she stuffed such an enormous bible into her tiny little purse I never
bothered to ask. All I know is everyone just stared.

"What?"

"You carry that around with you often?" asked Maho.

Aya got defensive. "Look, I don't believe half this stuff either, all right? I
was only carrying this around because I had to write my December column and I
couldn't think of anything else to write about but Christmas at my house and I
needed reference material. I don't have time for writer's block these days."
She picked up her own drink, a cola that had long since gone flat, and drank it
in two gulps. Tsubasa applauded. "Besides, you want to write anything that
doesn't suck, you have to read what writers read, not the crap they hammer out
to pay the bills. That's what my editor always says. Bible's one of those
things. This is training. Look, I'm not even sure this is an acceptable
Catholic bible."

"The article just came out," added Rika. "She wrote all about it, everything
she was talking about, about her mom and her church. It's beautiful."

"And, the bible's still in your bag because...?" Tsubaki asked.

"Rika, how many times do I have to tell you not to shower unconditional
heartfelt praise on my stuff when we both know it's crap, all right?" Aya
sighed. "Look, I apologize in advance for making all this sound more
interesting than it is, okay?"

"Too late." Tsubaki grinned. "We're going to call you Sister Aya from now on."
She clasped her hands as if in prayer. "'Ave Maria...'"

Maho joined in. "Well, have fun getting your one-way ticket into heaven
courtesy of God, Sister Aya. I'll be happy with the return ticket, courtesy of
my honey, thanks." She sipped her coffee.

I couldn't help getting upset. "Guys!"

"And what are _you_ getting so upset about, Miyazawa? Oh, I forgot, it's Arima
that goes to heaven and _you're_ God, right? I can see you with Arima, you know.
'Oh, honey, tell me how cool I am!' 'You're the most beautiful girl in the
school.' 'Oh yes...' 'All the men want you, all the girls want to be you...' 'Oh
yeah, keep doing that!' 'Your grades are so good Harvard'll be beating down your
door...' 'Oh yes! Yes! YES!'"

"MAHO! People are looking at us!"

"Yes. Your point?"

Tsubaki pointed to me and Maho. "Looks like your next short story. 'Course, you
might want to use a different pen-name for that one..."

"Crib," said Tsubasa.

"Maybe you should start, Aya," said Rika.

"Right," said Aya.

Once she'd gotten started, though, she really got into it. I think it means a
lot more to her than she lets on. She started with the Annunciation, the
archangel Gabriel telling Mary that by God's will she was going to have a son,
and how her fiancé Joseph got worried when he found out and wanted to back out
of the marriage, but was told in a dream not to, so he went ahead and married
her anyway. Amazing how much feeling she put into it. Certainly more feeling
than I managed during the play, though now she was trying to make like it
didn't matter to her. "'All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said
through the prophet: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a
son, and they will call him Immanuel--which means, God with us.' Book of
Isaiah, I think. Wait, there's a cross-reference here." She flipped back some
pages. "Here we go. 'Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The
virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him
Immanuel. He will eat curds and honey when he knows enough to reject the wrong
and choose the right.' I guess they had in mind a new king of Israel, which was
the Promised Land. The land of milk and honey, you know? When I was little I
saw pictures in some kid's book about Israel. South's a desert, but the north's
all green. Real pretty..."

"CRIB!"

"All right! I'm getting there! Take a pill!" Aya flipped forward. "'When Joseph
woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home
as his wife. But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he
gave him the name Jesus.'" She paused and said, in an ordinary tone, "At least,
that's the official line. Point is, the Virgin Birth's a really big deal,
because Jesus was supposed to be God and stuff, so his mom had to be _really_
pure. That's why people going to love hotels on Christmas pisses me off.
Presents are okay. Love hotels, that's just wrong." Then she went on to tell
how the Roman Emperor Augustus, who ruled Israel in those days, ordered a
census and everyone had to go to their hometowns to be counted, so Mary and
Joseph had to go from Nazareth in the north to Bethlehem, where Joseph's clan
was from, in the south, when she was really, really pregnant. While they were
there their child, Jesus--as in Jesus Christ--was born.

"'She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no
room for them in the inn.' Manger's where horses and things'd eat hay out of.
Basically all they could find to stay at was some guy's barn. 'And there were
shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at
night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone
around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, Do not be
afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.
Today in the town of David'--that's Bethlehem. Joseph traced himself back to
King David. He was a legendary king of Israel, that's all you need to know--'a
Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you:
You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger. Suddenly a great
company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one
another, Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the
Lord has told us about. So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the
baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word
concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were
amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these
things and pondered them in her heart.'"

"Anyway, that's why they have the crib."

Tsubasa was sitting at all attention. For all I knew it could have been the
coolest thing she'd ever heard.

Maho peered at her coffee, trying not to seem impressed. "This coffee's cold."

"That's beautiful, Aya." I meant it, too. I stirred my tea and sipped. It was
cold too. I hadn't touched it the whole time.

"You've never heard the story before? Really?"

I shook my head. "No. I never got around to reading the Bible or anything like
that," I said. I hadn't either. All I'd ever read were schoolbooks, manga,
books and magazines about getting ahead in business, and Ayn Rand now and
again. "I got a lot out of that just now."

"Glad someone did."

"No, really. That's an experience I never had, a 'real' Christmas, I guess. You
shouldn't be apologizing for it. I'm happy for you."

"Oh." I'm not sure Aya knew how to react. She blushed a bit. "Okay. Thanks. I
think."

"I have a question."

"What, Tsubasa?" asked Aya.

"Where does the cake come in?"

"Check please."

When I got home Kano had Aya's magazine in her grubby little hands. She thought
the article was a work of genius.

It really was nice, too. In a way I thought it was even better than the play.
You could tell they were things she'd pondered in her heart.

---
She treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.
---

Sunday the 24th--Christmas Eve night--Arima picked me up at eight. Mom and Dad
were going to leave later, and Tsukino and Kano were charged with making sure I
got home on time at midnight and calling them at the hotel in case of
emergencies, "and _only_ emergencies," said Dad with lots of emphasis. Like he
does.

The girls claimed to be thrilled at the prospect at staying up that late, which
is weird, because they go to bed after me most nights.

Anyhow, they had a field day helping first me, then Mom with our makeup. Which
was kind of surreal, when you think about it. Not that Mom didn't have to look
good; I guess she and Dad were going to go eat somewhere nice before they went
and had sex. Like you do, I guess. It takes a lot out of you.

Oh, since you're just dying to ask: Miss Yukino Miyazawa was wearing a red
ribbed polo shirt with 3/4 sleeves, and black slacks with horizontal slash
pockets; her ensemble that evening would be complemented by her nicest black
flats and a black velvet jacket her daddy got her in a moment of indulgence,
which to be sure she wouldn't have worn if the weather wasn't that mild that
night (topped off with her winningest smile). Her hair was held in place by a
sparkly snowflake barrette.

Oh, you weren't dying to ask? Well, tough noogies.

Mom looked nice. Really pretty holly-green dress. Of course that meant it
wasn't a real green dress. Dad wouldn't buy one for her, that's cruel. Mind
you, Dad thought I looked better than Mom, and said so. Like he does. Mom
suggested that if that was his attitude she might stay home and have a ham
sandwich. Like she does. I don't think _she_ was serious, though.

Arima. The bell rings, I answer the door, looking sufficiently radiant I hoped,
and it's Arima with a rose. Really sweet of him too. He never buys me flowers.

I know for a fact you don't care about this, but Arima had a white sweater and
beige Dockers on under his jacket. He looked good.

"Miyazawa, hello. Merry Christmas."

"Hi." I was all smiles. Wouldn't you be? "Merry Christmas yourself." I took the
rose.

"Arima!" Dad flipped out. Again. Gets annoying after a while. "I want you to
take good care of my daughter! Wait! NO! Don't you _dare_ take care of my
precious daughter until it's all official or I'll do something I'll regret!"

"Hello, dear." said Mom. "Come in. Tsukino, put this rose in some water,
there's a good girl."

"'k, Mom."

Arima came in and took his shoes off. Tsukino took the rose and disappeared
into the kitchen to find a vase.

"Good evening, Mrs. Miyazawa. Merry Christmas. You look wonderful. You're going
out yourselves?"

"I suppose." She blushed a bit. She's pretty when she does too.

"Where to? Anywhere special?"

"Oh. I'd rather not say." She giggled.

I gave Arima a good dig in the ribs. "You have to ask?" I hissed at him.
"What's the matter with you?" God, I could have just died right there.

"Anyway," said Mom, "have her back by midnight. Yukino's father have ordered
Tsukino and Kano to stay up 'til you do, to make sure."

"Yeah," said Kano. "And if you don't get her back on time she'll turn into a
pumpkin, so do it. Dad, take a pill back there. You might as well, not like
you're even driving, cheapbutt."

I thought Peropero barked in agreement, but it's hard to read his thoughts. If
any.

"I think this is a bit excessive myself," Mom went on, "but I don't want
Yukino's father worrying about her all night." She sighed. "I want to be able
to enjoy myself tonight."

"I understand, Mrs. Miyazawa. She'll be back on time," Arima said.

So I'm like, "All righty then, we're out of here. See you tomorrow, Mom. Merry
Christmas. You have fun now. 'Night," and I gave her a kiss, and I take Arima
by the hand, head for the door and slip on my shoes.

"Good night, dear. Have fun," said Mom.

"Don't forget, Sis, use protection!" said Kano.

"Oh God. This can't be my house. I don't know why we're still here. Arima,
shoes. We are leaving."

"YUKINO! My little princess! Don't let him..."

"Good NIGHT, Dad!"

"Come on honey, you need to start getting ready too."

Sometimes I almost think I really am a princess who was spirited away by
middle-class suburbanites. Dad and Mom always did plead ignorance about how
they ended up with the likes of me. Kinda suspicious.

---

Normally we'd have gone to Cinema Cinecitta, but tonight was special, so Arima
took me to the Kanagawa Art Theater, where they show independent films and
stuff. Aya goes all the time, dragging Rika along of course.

That Christmas they had four movies. I really wanted to see _Winter and
Midnight Snowfall_, a romance set in the Muromachi era (I think) which Aya said
was really lovely. Being an artsy type I figured she'd know. Rika said she'd
cried at the end, and Aya steadfastly denied doing so herself.

Of course, my darling dear had forgotten to check the times on the darn movies,
so when we got there at 8:45 we were fifteen minutes late for _Winter and
Midnight Snowfall_, and I didn't feel like hanging around in the café next to
the cinema until eleven waiting for the midnight showing, like we even had
time. Yes, kids, it's 134 minutes, not counting trailers.

Still, now we had to figure out what to actually see, so we grabbed something
warm to drink and sat in the café and tried to figure it out. Actually, Arima
ran the movie titles past me and asked about them, figuring I knew something
about them, at least from Aya.

"_Shiki Jitsu_?"

"Nah. Aya liked it, but Rika fell asleep. _Too_ artsy, I guess."

"This looks interesting. _Nanami la fillette québécoise: je me souviens
l'apocalypse_..."

"Foreign film. From Canada. Oh yeah, Aya says if you take me in to see it, run
away."

"That bad?"

"I believe her exact words were 'sucked ass.'"

"Miyazawa! Not so loud! It can't have been that bad..."

"Sounds just plain weird, and not even good weird. Chicks making out in a car
while being chased by the Olympic Stadium in Montreal, or something. Rika
wanted to leave twenty minutes in and Aya only held out 'til the end by sheer
force of will. Or so she says. Anyhoo, I think I can go my whole life without
seeing that." I sipped my tea, rather demurely, I thought. "Of course Tsubaki
thought it kicked ass. She went with Aya just to see it. She never does
anything artsy. Period."

"Miyazawa, that only leaves one movie."

"Yeah, I know."

"No, Miyazawa. Not tonight. I refuse."

"Look, buster, you brought this on yourself by not checking the time."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"I win."

"Gah."

I like to think he let me win, though. He's dense, he ain't stupid. I mean, get
real.

---

_Serial Experiments Lain: The Movie_ started at 9:15. I guess its claim to
being art was the TV series' winning some award or other from the government.
All it really was was the good bits of the show cut into 90 minutes, but that
was okay. Alice Mizuki rocks. So does Lain Iwakura, the badass version.

Anyway, I liked it. In the big climax scene where Lain battles the God of the
Wired I started cheering her on, and I guess I got too loud, because someone
yelled at us to be quiet and Arima was afraid we'd get thrown out. Mind you, I
think he was glad of the distraction, because I don't think he liked what he
saw. When we went back out into the lobby at the end I was asking him what he
thought, and he was like, "God, I didn't think computers could lose that much
blood. I'm writing everything by hand in future." He looked a little green too.

And I was like, "It's only a movie! 'Sides, I thought guys liked senseless
violence. What's the matter with you anyway?"

Then he's like, "Wait. Isn't that Maho Isawa leaving _Winter and Midnight
Snowfall?_"

I'm like, "Don't change the..." then I saw that it was. She looked stunning
too, in a long blue strapless evening gown and matching high heels. Makeup too.
She never wears that. She was arm in arm with a guy dressed much more casually,
in a t-shirt and a sleeveless rainproof vest (it was a mild night outside, no
snow--it was a nice vest, though) who looked about twenty. I'd seen her with the
guy before, though--I ran into them when they were shopping one time, in the
autumn, before we went to Kyoto. So I'd guessed it had to be Yusuke, unless she
was seeing someone else behind his back, and you know I really would expect
better of her somehow, but for some reason, then, she never introduced us, so I
couldn't be sure.

I guess she saw us, because he whispered in her ear what was probably Aren't
those friends of yours? and she pulls a face and I guess said Never seen them in
my life, avoid eye contact, and started walking faster.

I'm glad she thought she could escape, because I really didn't think so. A
little naïveté becomes a girl. I grabbed Arima's wrist and ran over.

"Oh, MA-ho..." Probably looked pretty evil about then. Which was nice.

Maho just cringed and was like, "God, are they all like you at home?"

"Maho, _dar_ling, just what are you doing at something like 'Winter and
Midnight Snowfall' when you said and I quote, 'there are far more interesting
things to do with a guy on a cold night than go see a dumb movie.' Riiight?"

She hung her head and scowled, and went really red. "Wasn't my idea."

"Yes it was," said the guy in the vest. "You begged and begged and OW!"

"Watch it." Maho extracted her heel from the poor guy's foot. Did I mention all
he had on were sandals? Warm looking socks, though.

"I'm sorry," said Arima, smiling nervously--like he does--"I remember I saw you
with Isawa before, but I'm afraid I didn't catch your name, Mr..."

Maho cleared her throat. "Allow me to introduce the esteemed and extremely
_stupid_ Yusuke Takashi, D.D.S.," she said, pretty curtly too. "If I must."

"Howdy. Yusuke's fine," said Yusuke.

"Hi. I'm Yukino Miyazawa. Charmed."

"Soichiro Arima. Pleased to meet you, sir." Arima bowed, real low too. I think
he unnerved Yusuke, but Yusuke didn't say so.

"Oh. Yeah. The king and queen of Hokuei High themselves, huh. Maho's told me a
lot about you."

"Oh." Arima and I didn't quite know how to interpret that.

"Nothing bad! Jeez. She actually likes you guys. That's quite an honor, ya
know. Trust me. She hates all of my friends."

"_You_ just need a better set of friends. Anyway," added Maho, "as you've
probably figured out, I didn't think you two would come here of all places, so
that's why we came here..."

And I'm like, "Suuuuure..." sounding enough like Kano I almost freaked myself
out.

And Yusuke's cheering us on and going "Catfight! Catfight!" He's weird.

And Arima's looking like he could just _die_ and he's like, "Um, Miyazawa, can
we go now? It's already 10:45 and we're on foot, and I haven't got you dinner
yet, and we're kind of on a tight schedule here..."

"Yeah," said Yusuke, sobering up a little. Just a little. "We need to roll too.
We gotta go wait for Santa."

"Speak for yourself. Santa indeed...I have to go to the little girl's room first
before I go wait for anyone." said Maho. She grabbed my hand. "So do you."

"Huh?" But she was already dragging me off to the bathroom. All I heard from
the guys' reaction was Yusuke saying, "Chicks."

---

It was a tastefully decorated bathroom, with a real painting, not a print, of
some lilies on the wall. And it had lavender scented soap, in this artsy
squeeze pump.

Maho didn't really have to go to the bathroom, but that was probably obvious.
She dug into her bag and shoved something into my hand. Probably don't have to
say what. "If he's anything like Yusuke, no way in hell he'll have one. Merry
Christmas."

I rubbed the foil between by fingers, and now I was the one blushing. "Maho,
look, I'm expected home real soon. We're not going to have time. Besides, I've
told you how shy he can be, and he told me he really didn't want to tonight.
And it's not like I'd want to force him to..."

"He doesn't mean that, MIyazawa, and neither do you. Now, you don't tell anyone
you saw me at an art theater and we're even. All right? Good girl. Come on,
_onesan_'s in a hurry."

We emerged from the bathroom with the guys still staring after us.

"That was fast," said Yusuke. "You have a race or what?"

"Yes, I won," Maho said as dryly as possible. "Come on, let's go. We can't
keep the kids, they have to be home by bedtime. See you later. Sleep tight."
And she started dragging Yusuke away.

"All right, nice meeting you guys, merry Christmas. Maho, I can't walk that
fast!" Yusuke disappeared with Maho into the parking lot.

I was still blushing, and I guess Arima saw. "What did Maho want?"

I flashed him my best smile. "Oh, nothing. She was low on lipstick. Come on,
I'm hungry." I don't know if he bought it, but he let it go at that anyway.

Maybe he did buy it. He's such a child sometimes. Which can be nice, though.
I'm not into harsh.

---

Dinner was simple, just above-average priced burgers at an all-night
restaurant. Take out too. We actually probably did have time to sit down as
well as walk home--the Kanagawa isn't that far from my neighborhood,
really--but I figured it was play it safe or risk the wrath of Tsukino and
Kano. Not so much Dad, he'd live if got back at 12:15, really. That, and I was
still a bit jittery about Maho.

So we got the burgers and we walked down the street past the shopping district,
munching quietly, drinking in all the atmosphere. All the stores still open for
folks who just had to leave their shopping until the last minute. Still plenty
of bustle, people shopping, walking home from bars, laughing, giggling, calling
each other pet names. Plenty of couples. From every shop there was some sort of
music going, or an electric Santa, incandescent, neon, or whatever. And lights,
red, yellow, green, and blue, around trees in what seemed like every single
window. Tinsel everywhere.

Yes, I thought it was pretty. When I'm with my honey I get sentimental. What do
you want?

I can name the songs from each place. The cake shop, a big-ass cake still dying
to be bought before they'd have to throw it out. Must have cost a fortune. Good
thing my Christmas shopping was done, I thought. They were playing "Santa Claus
Is Coming To Town." Thought about Tsubasa and had to giggle. The clothes store,
sweaters in holiday colors. "Silver Bells." I could just see Rika making
Kyo a cute sweater, to hell with the store-bought crap. The sports outlet,
with hockey equipment in the window. "Winter Wonderland." Tsubaki said the
Canadian film was worth it for the chicks playing hockey in the drained
swimming pool. I could just see her and Tonami's Christmas date, playing
fussball or something in an arcade somewhere. CD Warehouse. Advertising a CD by
some band called the Horslips, _Drive the Cold Winter Away_. What they were
actually playing was "Jingle Bell Rock." Tried not to think about Maho and
Yusuke "waiting for Santa."

Didn't quite succeed.

By the time we finished the burgers (disposed of the bags properly, yes,
thanks) we were on the other side of the shopping district, getting into the
housing estate, and the lights and music began to fade. Before I knew it, they
were gone, and there was just me and Arima, under the clear night sky.

I knew somebody'd been left out.

"_Stille nacht, heilege nacht..._"

"What?" We'd hardly spoken since leaving the theater. Not often I break out in
song, either. About the only time I sing is at karaoke, where nobody minds if
you suck.

"Aya knows 'Silent Night' in German. Her parish priest used to sing it at
church. We made her sing a few bars." I had to snicker. "She hadn't any choice.
We were at Espresso Royale and she was short 250 yen, so we made her sing for
her supper."

"I didn't know she was Catholic," Arima said.

"Neither did we." I thought a moment. "Probably at Mass with her mom as we
speak."

"Hm."

And we walked along, listening to the silent night.

Suddenly Arima stopped in his tracks. I turned around.

"Go on."

"What?"

"Sing."

I just kind of laughed. "No!"

"You know you want to. You did a minute ago."

"You hadn't noticed yet."

"So?"

"So I can't sing if people are paying attention."

"What? You think I'll laugh? Your voice is beautiful."

"Uh, yeah. Right." I thrust my hands in my pockets, thrust my nose in the air
and kept walking. "Discussion over, Mr. Arima." I turned by head back, stuck
out my tongue, and resumed marching on.

"Please? You know, you haven't given me a Christmas present yet," he said,
running after me. "that could be it."

I just kept on walking. "No, I ref..." It hit me. "Oh _no_!"

"What?" He'd stopped smiling. "What's wrong?"

I turned around. I'd completely forgotten to buy him anything. I'd never had to
buy for anyone outside the house before. God, I'm so stupid! I just kind of
retreated into my jacket and told him that. Looked at my shoes. "I'm sorry. You
want we go back to town and..."

He just smiled. "It's all right." A slight laugh. "I forgot too."

"You took me out tonight."

"That's different."

"I'll make it up to you, really." I really believed he wasn't mad. Still. That
wasn't the point.

"It's fine." He held out his left hand. Smiling. "I have to get you home."

I took his hand with my right hand, and we walked the rest of the way like
that. Which was nice. Nice enough that I wasn't tempted to keep my left hand in
my pocket and turn the foil packet over and over in my hand, even once.

The present thing was still bothering me.

"Say."

"Hm?"

"Arima. What are you doing for New Year's?"

"Entertaining my relations, with mother and father. Like every year." His face
fell. A minute ago he'd been looking at the stars, or at me. Now he started
staring at the ground.

"You don't want to do that?"

He just laughed, not very nicely either. Harshly. "Of course not."

As he said it he tightened his grip around my hand.

I suddenly had an idea.

"Arima." Softly as I could. "Do you want to spend New Year's with us instead?"

He looked at me suddenly like he couldn't believe what he'd heard. Maybe he
didn't. "What?"

"With us. With the Miyazawas."

"You sure?"

"Come on! It'll be fun! That's how I'll make up to you for the present, and
we'll all be happy." Winningest smile. "You know you want to." Not that that
was exactly a joke, either.

"Wouldn't your family mind?"

"Them? Nah. If we can handle Tsubasa we can handle you, right? 'Sides, I
haven't taught you Uno yet, have I? You're not one of us 'til you've learned
Uno. Might as well be New Year's Eve."

"One of you," Arima said. He seemed to be turning the concept over in his head.
For a moment he looked tempted. Then, just sad.

"Yeah. Arima, did I say something wrong just now?"

"I can't. Maybe another time."

Of course I was disappointed. Why do you ask? I pouted (hopefully) as cutely I
could muster. "You don't want to? You suck."

"That's not it."

I tried again, a more serious expression on my face. "I just thought, well, I
mean, if you really aren't looking forward to New Year's with your
relations..."

"No, no...look, you don't understand..."

"Try me."

He left out a deep sigh. "Two years ago Hideaki asked me over to his place New
Year's Eve. He never goes home to his family, not even then. When everyone had
shown up at the house to go to the shrine to see the bell being rung, I
announced to the relations, loudly, that I had other plans with a fellow called
Asaba, and please go on without me. To spite them."

"What did they do?"

"My aunt, my father's sister, just said, 'How nice. Do us all a favor and stay
away, boy.' One of my cousins, her son, said, quote, 'Nighty-night, fag-boy.
Don't let the door hit your sweet ass on the way out. Happy New Year.' Of
course then I couldn't back out of it, so I left."

"Oh _God_..."

"I came back the next afternoon, when I was sure they were gone." He paused for
breath. "Even mother and father were upset about it."

That had to be about the most horrible thing I'd ever heard. "About what they'd
said?"

"That was part of it. But they're used to that. My aunt's the worst of them
anyway. That was actually the first time she'd _ever_ spoken to me, unless she
absolutely had to." A pause. "It was my leaving them with the relations without
telling them. That's why my parents were really unhappy. They don't like the
rest of the family either. I promised them to never do that again." A sigh.
"Look. My point is, it won't help. I sometimes think that's just what they
want. Let me handle my relations. You don't know what they're like, I do." He
was right. I had no idea _anyone_ would do that. "It's usually not that bad.
Most years they just ignore me, and I hide out in my room. They're usually gone
the next afternoon anyway." He looked at me, and tried to smile. "I'll be fine.
I'll come over right after they're gone, okay?"

"Okay." We could see my house now. The lights were still on, and the kids had
the TV up loud enough that I could hear it from where we were. I tried to smile
back. "If you change your mind, call me, 'k?"

"Okay."

I didn't want to think about it any more. We reached the doorstep.

"Of course I could just do you on the couch right now and make it even that
way. How does that grab ya?"

He let go of my hand like it was a snake or something and jumped back. "WHAT?"

I grinned as thoroughly evil a grin as I could. "Come on. You know you want
to." Sultry, the sort of sultry, though, that he could tell, I hoped, that of
course I didn't mean it. "We haven't done it there yet..."

He backed away, his eyes bugging out of his head. "Have you gone crazy? What
about your sisters?"

"What about them? They won't mind. Maybe we can let them join the party." I
licked my lips and ran my hand down my chest for good measure. "Wanna go for
it?"

I think I was really starting to scare him though, because he was checking out
escape routes and going "Really?"

Lucky for him I couldn't stop myself from laughing any more. "NO! Not really,
you sick puppy! Had you going there, huh? I mean, in front of the kids? Get
real!"

He breathed an audible sigh of relief and then he was like, "Yeah. What was I
thinking?" He started laughing along with me, really loudly as well, then
suddenly stopped, looking a bit pissed. "Miyazawa, don't ever do that again."

I scowled. "Hey, you bought it, how weird do you think we are?"

"Don't make me answer that, you won't like what you hear."

I humphed a good humph. "Fine."

"Fine."

Fortunately that didn't last long. Fighting about silly things isn't my style,
except with the kids, of course.

"Seriously, you want to come in and have a cup of tea or something? Not like
the kids'll boot you out. When are you expected home?"

"Later. About one. They don't go out, but they value their privacy, I guess.
Okay, sure."

So I rung the bell, listened to the TV blare, decided they hadn't heard, rang
it again, waited another minute, banged on the door demanding to be let in on
pain of death, then decided this was weird. I got my key out of my purse and
opened the door and headed for the living room.

"I'm home, guys! Were you just gonna let me stand out in the freezing...oh."

Tsukino and Kano were lying on the couch, dressed in their Ramen and Rice
t-shirts, utterly unconscious. How they'd fallen asleep with the TV that loud
I'll never know. A quick unscientific breath test revealed no signs they'd
raided the liquor cabinet, which was a relief. They can be brats, but they're
good as gold as far as things like that go. I guess they were just tired.

"Can I come in?" called Arima. "Is something wrong?"

"Not really," I said. I heard him take his shoes off, and he came in. "The
girls fell asleep on the couch, is all."

Arima took a look. He smiled a bit. "They're cute when they're asleep."

"Yeah. Pretty angelic."

Peropero had dozed off on Dad's easy chair.

"I really shouldn't let them sleep on the couch, though."

"No."

"You wanna get Tsukino and I'll get Kano?"

"All right."

So Arima picked up Tsukino very carefully, and I got Kano, and we lugged them
as quietly and gently as we could to the bedroom and put them on their futons.
Kano stirred for a moment, and looked at me blearily. "It's me. I just got
back. Go back to sleep." It seemed to work.

When that was done I put Peropero to bed (by the way, that was one of the few
times I've seen him look grouchy) and turned the TV off, and we sat on the
couch and held hands for a few minutes in silence.

For as long as I could reliably remember my house had never been so still.
Perhaps that is why I love Arima. He gives me the chance to be still.

"I didn't think they'd be that light."

I looked at him. At that moment he finally seemed to me a man. Strong, but
soft. Not the least bit harsh.

"I want you." I didn't intend it to be a whisper, but that's what it was.

He only flinched a very little. "What? Now? Here?" He was whispering too.

I looked into his eyes. "Yes."

A little louder. "But..."

"Don't worry." I reached for my pocket and gave him the packet. "Here."

"Did she--"

"Shhhh." And I reached for the Venetian blind drawers and shut them firmly, and
I kissed him as deeply as I could. And he stopped struggling and let me give
myself to him. It was heavenly.

When we were finished he got up, went to the bathroom to flush it away and came
back to me, and he lay back down and held me close, closer somehow than I think
he'd ever done before. We were silent for a long time.

When he finally spoke he was staring at the ceiling, looking at nothing at all.
"Miyazawa?"

I looked up at him. "Yes?"

He kept looking at the ceiling. "Why did you do that just now?"

"Make love to you? Because I love you, silly. That, and you said you couldn't
make it New Year's."

"Oh. I see."

"Why, didn't you like it?"

"It was different. Before I'd always taken you. You never gave yourself to me
before tonight. Why not?"

"I...don't know. Tonight it just sort of happened."

"Was it Maho? Who gave it to you I mean?"

"That obvious, huh?" I had to laugh a bit. "I guess it was some sort of
Christmas present. I actually didn't mean to use it, at least not tonight, but
then...well. _Onesan_'s my guardian angel, sometimes."

"You're lucky." Then: "I never felt worthy of it, until now. Does that sound
strange to you?"

"Why not? Did you think I didn't want to?"

"That's not what I mean."

"Then what?"

He didn't answer; instead, he lifted his head and looked me in the eye.
"Miyazawa, what do you plan to do when you leave school?"

"Me? I'm not sure. I...well, most of the time I was studying, and I never
thought about what I was actually going to do with it all. Go to college, get a
degree in something or other. Beyond that...I mean everyone probably thought I
was headed straight for politics or law or something, and sometimes I believed
it myself. I was devious enough for it, that's for sure." I thought for a
moment. "After I met you I realized I really didn't have a clue. I talked to
Mr. Kawashima about it a bit once. He asked me about my interests--what there
were of them--and he suggested economics. He said I'd be good at it, for some
reason. He said to me, 'I tried for it myself, but it was too hard for me. You
might be able to do it, though.' Seems he has a friend who teaches it at Kyoto
U now. I remind him a bit of him. 'You have his combination of gifts,' he said.
'In any case, it's more honorable than politics.' Long ago I'd have bought it.
Now I don't know." I settled my head back down on Arima's chest and listened to
his heartbeat. "Problem is I'd have to go to America to get my degree, if I
wanted a good job doing it, or so Kawashima said. I don't want to do that."

"Oh. Why not?"

"Because I have you. I have my family. I have my friends. I'm happy here." Made
myself real comfortable. "I'm happy right here."

"Oh." And we were silent again.

I looked up at last. "Arima. Why'd you ask me that just now?"

"One of the seniors in the kendo club applied to the University of Michigan, in
America. He showed me some of their literature. It's in a city called Ann
Arbor. It looked very pretty. Like Harvard, only not really." He paused. "I
wonder if I should go."

"Why?" I pulled myself up on his chest. "What would you do in America?"

"I don't know. Study medicine, I suppose. Become a doctor, like father."

"I mean, why there? Can't you study medicine here? He did, right?"

"Yes. I suppose--I saw the pictures. It all looked bigger. Like life was better
there. Here it's all cramped. And I could be myself there. Not worry about my
blood any more. They don't care about that there. It's too far away."

"The Promised Land..."

"What?"

"Arima, do you have any idea what you're saying? Have you really thought about
this? Do your parents know?"

"Not yet."

"I mean...you think they won't miss you?"

"I'll have to go sometime. Yes, I'd miss them. I can't think of anything else
I'd miss, though. My cousins can have the hospital. I'd just as soon watch it
burn."

"There's no one else? Tsubasa? Asapin?"

"No."

"Me?"

He was silent a moment.

"You're different. I don't want to leave you here. I want you to come with me.
I was going to ask you before, but I wasn't...I didn't know if I had the right.
Or if you'd want to come." He paused. "If you needed me. Or why. Otherwise, you
could stay here and be happy, or leave and be happy, and it wouldn't matter
where you were, or if I was there. I can't live here much longer. I can't live,
period, unless I get away, to America or Canada, or hell, or wherever."

"Arima." I embraced him again. "They're doing this to you. Don't let them. Stay
with us New Year's. Not for me, for you."

I looked him in the face. He was ashen.

"I want you to stay with me forever."

"Arima, you're scaring me! Stop it!"

He looked like he'd been struck.

I tried again, more softly. "Look...Mom and Dad got married really young, okay?
Before they really knew what they were doing. Grandpa never forgave Dad for
that. I don't want that, do you?"

"I'm sorry." He relaxed in my arms. "Miyazawa. I don't know what I'd do without
you. I have nothing else."

"Arima. That's not true. You have your parents, you have lots of..."

"Friends? Miyazawa. I tried to make myself a perfect man. There have been three
kinds of people in my world. People who barely tolerated my existence, people
who wanted me, and people who wanted to be me. I couldn't always tell the
difference. Then I met you. I think...I think Tsubasa and Hideaki got so close
to you, because they found in you what they were looking for in me."

"When I first met you I thought the same thing."

"What?"

"That you were everything I wanted to be, that I was pretending to be. After a
while, I learned you weren't. Then I stopped pretending. Then I realized that
wasn't what I wanted to be, then that I didn't know what I wanted to be. Does
_that_ sound strange to you?"

"A little."

I moved so I could look him in the eye.

"Arima. It's okay. You have lots of people. Or you could have if you wanted
them. I don't think you know it. I'm not even sure you've tried very hard. It's
not hard. I know that's easy to say, but it's true."

"It did seem very easy for you."

"Once I stopped making myself unapproachable with the Queen of the School shit,
it just sort of happened, really. I was never jealous of your friends. Not even
Tsubasa. Especially not her." My winningest smile. "I really don't mind, you
know. You have my permission."

He thought about that a bit too long. "Yes. I suppose I thought I should."

"You thought I'd get mad if you had friends?"

"No, it's...back during the cultural festival, when you were doing the play, you
spent a lot of time with your friends. More with even Hideaki than with me."

"Well, it was a lot of work, sure. Were you jealous?"

"Of Hideaki? No. He wouldn't touch you, I know that."

"How?"

He paused. Embarrassed. "Don't ask me that. You won't like the answer."

And everything fit. "People who wanted me, and people who wanted to be me."

"Then he's..."

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

"I don't want to talk about it any more. Please, say nothing to him or anyone
else. If you do he'll know who it was, and he'll never speak to either of us
again. In spite of everything I don't want that."

"See, there are other people you care about, right?"

He thought for a moment. "Yes. I suppose that could be true."

And we were both silent.

"It was...you seemed higher than me. Like I had no further use. Not because you
had tired of me, I never got that impression. But that you had outgrown me,
somehow, and that now I was no longer worthy of you. That you were meant for
much greater things than I was."

"'But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a
dream and said, Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your
wife...'"

Arima looked at me, puzzled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Something Aya said the other day. Listen. Don't think that any more. I'll be
the one to judge if you're good enough for me or not. God knows you could have
picked someone more normal." I held him a little closer. "I'm not going to
abandon you. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

He embraced me back.

"Miyazawa? Suppose I did go. Would you come?"

"Actually get into that university and we'll talk. Okay?"

That seemed to satisfy him for now. "Okay." And we held each other for a long
time.

Suddenly he asked something completely different. "What time is it?"

"Should say on the VC--hohboy."

He jumped off the couch faster than greased lightning. Unfortunately he didn't
give me time to get off him, so I came with him and he fell on the floor.

"Ouch! That hurt!"

"Sorry. You all right?"

I sat up, rubbing my butt. "Yeah, no thanks to you. No tea for you." I stuck out
my tongue at him.

"You're still thinking about that? Half past two! Oh God, mother'll kill me!"

"No she won't, Arima. Don't be silly."

He grabbed his pants. "Look, I really have to go. Listen," he said, putting
them back on, "I'll call you, okay?"

"Okay." I got up and pulled my own slacks and shirt back on, so I wasn't
completely indecent. "Um..."

He pulled on his sweater. "Yes?"

I kind of fidgeted. "Nothing I can say to change your mind?"

"About going home?"

"No! About New Year's."

He sighed. "I don't think so. Thanks though, really." He smiled, a bit sadly.
"Don't worry, I'll be fine. Can't depend on Miyazawa for everything."

"Guess not." I thought a moment. "I'll see you out." I saw him to the door and
he grabbed his jacket and shoes. Once he had it on I gave him a kiss on the
cheek, like--I dunno--we'd been married five years and he was off to the
office, or some darn thing, or so I thought. I didn't want it to seem like
that, so I said, "I never thanked you for tonight. I had a lovely time."

"Me too." Then: "Sorry about all that. I'm not fond of New Year's."

"Don't be. I'm here for you. I plan to stay that way. Okay?"

"Okay." He opened the door. "Gotta go. Love you. Merry Christmas. Good night."

"Love you too. Bye."

Then he kissed me, on the cheek this time, and made his way down the path, with
me watching him all the while.

"Arima?"

He turned back. "Yes?"

"Smile. It's Christmas Day, for heaven's sake."

"All right." He did too. A bit awkwardly, but it can't have been much worse
than mine.

And with that he set off down the road. I went to the bedroom, took my clothes
back off, put my nightshirt on and crawled into bed.

When Arima's there afterwards I can fall asleep, contented as a baby. As it was
I lay awake and listened to the still night.

---

I don't think I got to sleep until around 4 a.m. Which sucked, because I really
had wanted to get some studying done Christmas Day. School was closed 'til after
New Year's, but that was beside the point. Gotta study, dammit, otherwise I can
just pack it in and marry Arima and live under his shadow for the rest of time.

I guess checkout time at the hotel was 11 a.m., because the crumblies were back
around noon, and of course then I really did have to get up.

I was actually woken up by Dad raising his voice over me. He wasn't happy,
which was weird, because they got back from the hotel all giggly most
Christmases. "Are you quite sure Arima brought Yukino back at midnight?"

"Yes Dad. We've already told you three times. You can check, she isn't a
pumpkin." I was still half asleep, so I tried to figure out how Kano could know
that.

"And she's still in bed because..."

"She's tired." I decided to get up.

"I don't know, maybe she couldn't sleep, Dad," I heard Tsukino say. "She was
tossing and turning a lot. Maybe something happened with her and Arima."

"WHAT!? Dear God, if he dared do anything dishonorable to my little girl
I'll..."

I opened the bedroom door. "'Morning Dad. Merry Christmas."

He practically threw himself at me. "Yukino, my little princess! You're alive!"

"Uh, yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Did he hurt you?"

"No, I just couldn't sleep for some reason. The date was great. You wanna let
me go now?"

"How was the movie, dear?"

"Okay, I guess. How was _your_ date?...Actually, don't answer that 'til I get
some breakfast. Wait! I got you all stuff!"

And I passed the presents out. (Got those on the 23rd, when I was out with the
girls. Never got around to wrapping them...oh well.) Tsukino and Kano and Mom
got little bracelets, one with a moon, one with a flower, and one with the
character for "shrine." Tsukino got _tsuki_, Kano got _hana_ (the same
character in her name you read _ka_--don't ask why), and Mom got _miya_ for
Miyako. Get it?

Dad got a Hello Kitty doll. Hey, I don't know what guys like. Well, I know what
Arima likes, but he's in another league entirely.

"You really shouldn't have, dear," said Mom.

Dad wasn't impressed. "Are you sure you got in at midnight? This is the first
time you've ever slept in on a weekday, even during vacation..."

"Of course. Have I ever been late home before?"

"Yeah," said Tsukino. "Sis is too anal for that."

"HEY!"

"All right," said Dad. "They said they stayed up 'til you got in, like I told
them to, but I just wanted to make sure..."

I started to say, "Well, actually..." but then I felt myself being nudged, and
I looked to see the two girls staring at me intently. I got the message. "Rat
on us and die." Did they hear me and Arima? I didn't know how much they knew.

"Well, actually I didn't think they would either, but they did. They were
good."

Kano beamed. "Yup. You raised very good children, father dear."

And then, all three of us girls in unison. "Yeah!"

Dad frowned. "Very well. I'll let Arima live."

And I'm like, "Kick. Can I get dressed now?"

He didn't say no, so I went in and got dressed.

When I was dressing I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that Kano came
in, went over to me so she could whisper in my ear and say, "Sis? If you guys
ever want to make out on the couch again, keep the noise down, okay? I couldn't
sleep the whole night after that."

"Um."

"Thanks for moving us to the bed, though. Thanks for the bracelet too, you
rock. Don't worry, I won't tell. Merry Christmas."

Because of that, and in the true spirit of Christmas (courtesy of Aya), I
decided to let Kano live for that day.

TSUZUKU