Chapter Eight: Breakdown!
19th May 2003, PQL:
Not surprisingly, a night's sleep had done nothing to help Al's state of mind regarding this leap. He wanted to get Sam out of there as quickly as possible, but still had no real idea of how to go about that.
'Nicky, something very strange is going on at Sam's end of this leap, and I don't mind telling you, it's got me wound up tighter than a spring. It has so many twists and turns, dead-ends and complications I'm wondering if we're ever gonna get through this one,' Al practically exploded, once he was back in the waiting room with Nick.
'You will, cos you have...'
'Don't. Time-travel plays such havoc with the tenses. And I hate not being able to talk this through with Beeks and Tina. We could really use some fresh perspectives on all this.' Al was pacing now, faster and faster.
'Al, you know you can't. I sympathise, really I do, but it will just mess up the time-lines even more. First rule of Quantum Leap...'
'Yeah, yeah, don't tell anyone what you know of their future. You know, when Sam gets back... Well sometimes I think I'll just want to send him right back to pay for what he puts us all through!'
'Al, calm down. He gets home...'
'How can you be so sure?!' Al almost shouted, turning on Nick.
'Just because he's there in your time, just because it worked the first time round? Isn't that the whole point of Quantum Leap? Maybe that's what he's there to change!? He's changing it all, and so's Zoe! Think of the mess she can cause there. The future Sam already knows he's there, and he didn't know before. Ziggy's databanks of this leap has been erased so she had no prior knowledge. Something very, very big is going on and I have no idea what it is! I do not like feeling as if things are out of my control. And this is definitely out of my control!' Al continued, his voice rising to a crescendo.
'Al, please, you have to calm down!'
Al sank to the floor, the emotional explosion leaving him completely drained. Admiral Albert Calavicci was not one for emotional outbursts.
'Nick, what's going on?' he whispered.
'How are we gonna solve this one? I've already lost Beth, I can't loose Sam as well!'
'Al, we've done it once and we'll do it again. Trust me.'
'I do. I...oh God, I just wish Sam was here!'
'I know, Al, I know', Nick replied, crouching down next to Al, with a worried expression on his face.
23rd June 2035, PQL:
Al hadn't returned for nearly 2 full days now and Sam was very worried. Unusually when Al didn't appear it really meant something bad was happening. He got annoyed at Al for being late, but it was the relief really. Each time he told himself it would be OK, Al would return, and each time he found himself holding his breath, scared silly in case this was it and he'd lost his last link with home. When Al did reappear, the relief was so great that he could only cope by annoyance. And Al would hardly ever tell him what was going on, claimed it was Tina or a court case, and meetings with the Senate. But Sam knew it was often much more. It sometimes worried him that Al didn't tell him everything, often Sam did have his own problems, but he thought that Al sometimes forgot how much his best friend really knew him and cared about him.
He'd spent the past day or so working with Ziggy, and with his future self. They had had no more trouble from Zoe. They'd traced back Ziggy's memory banks for the period that was his 'present', where Al was, and they were faced with a gap in information of that visitor. At first Sam had surmised that they had decided to delete it due to the fact that the visitor was from the future but it had happened and any damage to the time-line would have occurred, why delete if after the event? For that was what had happened. Exactly a month after the leap, Ziggy had been authorised to delete all records, even from her personal inner records, for 2 weeks. At least now Sam knew one thing - this leap lasted 2 weeks. He had been there 4 days and they were hardly any closer to finding out what he was really there for.
20th May 2003, PQL:
The reason why Al hadn't returned was because he had refused to leave the waiting room. Guards had bought him and Nick food, and they had stayed there, talking. Actually, Al had spent more time just staring at the wall than talking, and Nick was worried. Al wasn't even sleeping. This wasn't like Al. If he didn't know better he would think that the Admiral was having a breakdown. He wanted to call Dr Beeks but Al refused. It was the only time he was particularly animated, saying that he was fine, that he had nothing with which to help Sam and that he may as well stay there. He didn't need a shrink and certainly didn't want anyone else to come into contact with Nick.
Finally, at the end of the second day, Al fell into an exhausted, restless sleep. Not really wanting to leave him, and knowing he had to be careful, he never-the-less decided that he only had one option. He told the guard that Al was allowing him out (the Guard accepting because they had been outside before, and besides, he was paid not to ask questions) and went to find Verbena Beeks.
Verbena sighed and put down the Psychology journal she was trying to read. She couldn't concentrate on it. She was just too worried, worried about Al, worried about the visitor, and, if she had time, probably worried about Sam. Something strange was going on. It was not the first time that Al had kicked her out of the Waiting Room, and, admittedly, he usually had a good reason, but it had never before been without her having any knowledge of the situation. Al was apologetic but insistent that he couldn't tell her - yet. Ziggy was refusing to talk and trying to get any answers out of her was making her brain ache. She was considering writing a paper on intelligent computers with personality complexes, it was getting that bad, and she was sure that the computer was enjoying it! No-one else, she was sure, had any idea what was going on. Only Gushie and Al were being allowed in the Control Room and only Al in the Waiting Room. He was running this leap like some kind of top-secret military operation and it was somewhat unnatural. Now, Al had locked himself in the Waiting Room with the visitor for 2 days straight. Something was very wrong. Al liked to solve his own problems, she knew that and so knew not to push, but often it took its toll on the Admiral. Many times he had been hanging by a thread, the continual worry, stress, and long hours showing. But, he had hung on, if only by a thread. This time though, God knows what was going through his head. She was frustrated by not being allowed to help, and as very tempted just to barge into the Waiting Room but she had to respect her friend's wishes, however much she was worried about him. However, if he kept this up much longer...!
Her useless meandering thoughts were gratefully interrupted by a knock on her office door.
'Come in', she called, hoping it would be Al, but knowing it wouldn't. It would probably be Tina, asking again if she knew anything about Al. Instead it was the last person she expected to see, as the familiar figure in the white femi-suit entered the room, looking so almost completely at ease that she couldn't hold back a gasp. It couldn't be, could it? And if he was home why all the secrecy?
'S-Sam...?!' she stuttered.
Nick gulped, and hoped he was doing the right thing.
'Um, hi, I'm afraid not. My name is Nicholas, you must be Verbena Beeks', he started, not mentioning that he knew who she was because she had worked at the project until he had been about ten.
Now Verbena looked alarmed.
'I could have sworn...' she half muttered to herself, but her professionalism soon came back, after all, this Nicholas, whoever he was, was her patient, right?
'Hi, yes that's me. Were you looking for me? You really shouldn't be here you know. Does Admiral Calavicci know you're here? Is he with you by any chance?'
'No, and um, no to the last two, but yes to the first', Nick replied smiling. Unwittingly Verbena found herself relaxing. It seemed the latest visitor had quite a bit of charm.
'Ok, then, so, Nicholas, why don't we go back to the Waiting Room and then we'll have a little chat'.
Nick took a deep breath. It was now or never.
'To be honest, Dr. Beeks, I'd rather talk here. Al is still in there and I'm worried about him. I think he needs your help'.
Well, thought Verbena, two days in the same room, at least they're on first name terms.
'Uh-huh. Well, do you mind if we talk about you first? Why is it I haven't had the chance to be introduced to you yet during your little stay with us. And also, do you mind telling me how you found my office?'
Nick took another deep breath, realising that it had to be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Verbena was not stupid.
'Well, I asked Al not to tell anyone, and he agreed that that was a good idea. As for how I knew my way here, it's because I know the project...', he replied sitting down.
'What?! But how? Just who are you? Why has Al had you kept locked up since you arrived here? And why did you ask him to?'
Whatever Verbena had been expecting - some current junior worker at the project, a member of the press, even, what Nick told her was the last thing she'd been expecting.
'My name is Nicholas and I...my father works at the project'.
'Your father? And he told you about it?'
'Well, I was born here'.
'What, but that's impossible. This isn't a normal leap, isn't it? For the last time, please tell me who you are', Verbena asked, more curious than anything now, as she'd already decided that this strange man was not a threat.
'Ok, but please know that I only came you because I'm worried about Al and have no-one else to ask. You cannot tell anyone else. He'd probably kill me if he knew I'd come to you, especially after I finally persuaded him not to talk to you in the first place...'
Even Verbena had to smile at that one. That definitely sounded like Al.
'My father works at the project and so do I, or at least I will. My name is Nicholas Beckett, and my father is Dr Sam Beckett'.
As he waited for this bombshell to sink in he watched various emotions pass over Verbena's face. He was glad that he'd led up to his announcement, at least she had seemed to begin to trust him. As he watched, disbelief, confusion and amazement struggled for primacy in Verbena's mind, closely followed by annoyance and even amusement, as she considered that it was perhaps all a joke, then thoughtfulness and astonishment and acceptance of the truth as she reassessed the last few days and the last ten minutes in the light of this news.
'But, how?!' she whispered, at last.
'I don't know. It's never happened before but we think it's just because of the genetic link. Because it's the future we don't know what he's there to do, and Al is taking it badly'.
'Al knows, right?'
'Al knows everything'.
'Does Sam know who he is?' Nick just nodded.
'And?!'
'And what?'
'What's happening? Where is he?'
'He's here, at the project, in the year 2035'.
'My God!' Verbena muttered as the full impact hit her, again.
'I am worried about Al, though. He has no way of helping my father on this leap and I think he's very lost without that. He's scared that this leap will change something for the project.'
'My God!'
'Please, Dr, Beeks, I can't tell you anything else, but you have to help Al!'
As always, Verbena's professionalism took over and she motioned Nick to lead the way back to the waiting room, still in disbelief. The project already broke all known rules, and she had thought she had seen just about everything this job had to offer when her employer became stuck in the body of a chimpanzee, but now it seemed that it had just broken the last of it's own rules! And if she had to get her own head examined when this was all over, then she would - when it was all over!
Al was gradually drawn towards consciousness by a voice softly calling his name. He blinked. How long had he been out. He realised that he was still the waiting room, and the voice belonged to - oh, damn, Verbena was there.
'Good morning!' the psychriatist chirped cheerfully.
'Ohhh, is it?' Al groaned, rubbing his stiff neck.
'Oh yes. I had a visitor a little while ago. A friend of yours I believe, goes by the name of Nicholas...'
Al just groaned again, and stood up. There was no resisting Verbena Beeks when she was in full 'shrink' mode, as Al would put it.
'What do you want, Beeks? You want me to apologise for not bringing you in on this leap? You want me to say it was stupid to lock myself in here. Fine, it was stupid. But, I didn't know what to do.'
'My office, Al. Now!' Verbena announced, leading the way.
'Oh, boy', came the faint reply.
'OK, Al, what's happening with you? And don't say nothing. Something is wrong, and I'm here to help you'.
'I'm fine. Really'.
'Wrong answer.'
'What do you want? Blood?'
'No, I'd rather try to avoid that. Now come on, how can I help you if you don't talk? Look, don't even think of me as a shrink, think of me as your friend. I am your friend. And as your friend Al, I'm asking you to talk to me. How can you help Sam if you can't help yourself.'
At that, Al's eyes narrowed.
'I can help Sam...'
'It doesn't look like it from where I'm standing. Is that part of the problem? You think you'll let Sam down because you and Ziggy have no information on this leap? That's not your fault, and Sam knows that...'
Al gasped. How could she know so much.
'So, I'm right aren't I? Nicholas told me that there's no information. Do you think that Sam is going to change something because we can't tell him otherwise?'
'I...I...'
'Al, Sam is a good man. An extremely intelligent man. He won't do anything stupid. And I believe that if things happen, they are supposed to happen. I know we change that just by doing what we do, but how many times has that even gone out of our control? Sam will do what needs to be done. But, he can't do it on his own. He needs you Al, and I know you won't let him down'.
'But I will. If we can't figure out what's going on...'
'He'll understand. I'm sure he's more worried about you than the information anyway.'
'Why? This leap is important!'
'Of course it is, but you're his best friend. You're important to him.'
'I can't let him down. I owe him too much. He...'
'He saved your life Al. Stopped you drinking... I know that. But you paid that debt many times over. How many times have you saved his life? He can't do this without you. But, with you, he will...'
Al gasped again. Dammit, but she was good!
'I can't lose him!'
'Al, trust me. Trust him. Trust yourself, even. You'll get through this. You will not lose your best friend the way you lost your first wife'.
'But...'
'No buts. You're a hard man, Al Calavicci, but you're hard on no-one as much as yourself. Give yourself some slack. You're not perfect and no-one expects you to be. Not even Sam. He's your friend. Not because you think you owe him. Not even because you're his observer, but because you're a good man and a good friend. Sam couldn't have done this without you. He still needs your help, and your friendship. As much as you need his.'
'You think so?'
'I know so. These things have a habit of working themselves out, and if anyone can do it, it's you. Just remember, you don't have to do it all yourself. We're here for you Al.'
'What if this destroys it all?! I would be the only to remember all this...'
'Have trust Al.'
'Oh, God. I don't know. Maybe you're right...'
'No maybe about it', Verbena smiled. Al couldn't help it, he smiled back. Maybe she didn't know the future but she sure was a good psychiatrist.
'You're too good at this, you know'.
'I know. Now, go and talk to Sam. Now. Please...?'
'Fine, fine I'm going. I...I'll try.'
'All I'm asking'.
'So, end of lecture...'
'End of lecture. Just...don't do it again'.
Al grinned, shaking his head. He didn't know how she did it. Strangely enough, though, he was feeling more positive. He would go and see Sam. He didn't know how much use he would be, but, as he'd told Verbena, he'd try. Maybe that was all anyone could do?
19th May 2003, PQL:
Not surprisingly, a night's sleep had done nothing to help Al's state of mind regarding this leap. He wanted to get Sam out of there as quickly as possible, but still had no real idea of how to go about that.
'Nicky, something very strange is going on at Sam's end of this leap, and I don't mind telling you, it's got me wound up tighter than a spring. It has so many twists and turns, dead-ends and complications I'm wondering if we're ever gonna get through this one,' Al practically exploded, once he was back in the waiting room with Nick.
'You will, cos you have...'
'Don't. Time-travel plays such havoc with the tenses. And I hate not being able to talk this through with Beeks and Tina. We could really use some fresh perspectives on all this.' Al was pacing now, faster and faster.
'Al, you know you can't. I sympathise, really I do, but it will just mess up the time-lines even more. First rule of Quantum Leap...'
'Yeah, yeah, don't tell anyone what you know of their future. You know, when Sam gets back... Well sometimes I think I'll just want to send him right back to pay for what he puts us all through!'
'Al, calm down. He gets home...'
'How can you be so sure?!' Al almost shouted, turning on Nick.
'Just because he's there in your time, just because it worked the first time round? Isn't that the whole point of Quantum Leap? Maybe that's what he's there to change!? He's changing it all, and so's Zoe! Think of the mess she can cause there. The future Sam already knows he's there, and he didn't know before. Ziggy's databanks of this leap has been erased so she had no prior knowledge. Something very, very big is going on and I have no idea what it is! I do not like feeling as if things are out of my control. And this is definitely out of my control!' Al continued, his voice rising to a crescendo.
'Al, please, you have to calm down!'
Al sank to the floor, the emotional explosion leaving him completely drained. Admiral Albert Calavicci was not one for emotional outbursts.
'Nick, what's going on?' he whispered.
'How are we gonna solve this one? I've already lost Beth, I can't loose Sam as well!'
'Al, we've done it once and we'll do it again. Trust me.'
'I do. I...oh God, I just wish Sam was here!'
'I know, Al, I know', Nick replied, crouching down next to Al, with a worried expression on his face.
23rd June 2035, PQL:
Al hadn't returned for nearly 2 full days now and Sam was very worried. Unusually when Al didn't appear it really meant something bad was happening. He got annoyed at Al for being late, but it was the relief really. Each time he told himself it would be OK, Al would return, and each time he found himself holding his breath, scared silly in case this was it and he'd lost his last link with home. When Al did reappear, the relief was so great that he could only cope by annoyance. And Al would hardly ever tell him what was going on, claimed it was Tina or a court case, and meetings with the Senate. But Sam knew it was often much more. It sometimes worried him that Al didn't tell him everything, often Sam did have his own problems, but he thought that Al sometimes forgot how much his best friend really knew him and cared about him.
He'd spent the past day or so working with Ziggy, and with his future self. They had had no more trouble from Zoe. They'd traced back Ziggy's memory banks for the period that was his 'present', where Al was, and they were faced with a gap in information of that visitor. At first Sam had surmised that they had decided to delete it due to the fact that the visitor was from the future but it had happened and any damage to the time-line would have occurred, why delete if after the event? For that was what had happened. Exactly a month after the leap, Ziggy had been authorised to delete all records, even from her personal inner records, for 2 weeks. At least now Sam knew one thing - this leap lasted 2 weeks. He had been there 4 days and they were hardly any closer to finding out what he was really there for.
20th May 2003, PQL:
The reason why Al hadn't returned was because he had refused to leave the waiting room. Guards had bought him and Nick food, and they had stayed there, talking. Actually, Al had spent more time just staring at the wall than talking, and Nick was worried. Al wasn't even sleeping. This wasn't like Al. If he didn't know better he would think that the Admiral was having a breakdown. He wanted to call Dr Beeks but Al refused. It was the only time he was particularly animated, saying that he was fine, that he had nothing with which to help Sam and that he may as well stay there. He didn't need a shrink and certainly didn't want anyone else to come into contact with Nick.
Finally, at the end of the second day, Al fell into an exhausted, restless sleep. Not really wanting to leave him, and knowing he had to be careful, he never-the-less decided that he only had one option. He told the guard that Al was allowing him out (the Guard accepting because they had been outside before, and besides, he was paid not to ask questions) and went to find Verbena Beeks.
Verbena sighed and put down the Psychology journal she was trying to read. She couldn't concentrate on it. She was just too worried, worried about Al, worried about the visitor, and, if she had time, probably worried about Sam. Something strange was going on. It was not the first time that Al had kicked her out of the Waiting Room, and, admittedly, he usually had a good reason, but it had never before been without her having any knowledge of the situation. Al was apologetic but insistent that he couldn't tell her - yet. Ziggy was refusing to talk and trying to get any answers out of her was making her brain ache. She was considering writing a paper on intelligent computers with personality complexes, it was getting that bad, and she was sure that the computer was enjoying it! No-one else, she was sure, had any idea what was going on. Only Gushie and Al were being allowed in the Control Room and only Al in the Waiting Room. He was running this leap like some kind of top-secret military operation and it was somewhat unnatural. Now, Al had locked himself in the Waiting Room with the visitor for 2 days straight. Something was very wrong. Al liked to solve his own problems, she knew that and so knew not to push, but often it took its toll on the Admiral. Many times he had been hanging by a thread, the continual worry, stress, and long hours showing. But, he had hung on, if only by a thread. This time though, God knows what was going through his head. She was frustrated by not being allowed to help, and as very tempted just to barge into the Waiting Room but she had to respect her friend's wishes, however much she was worried about him. However, if he kept this up much longer...!
Her useless meandering thoughts were gratefully interrupted by a knock on her office door.
'Come in', she called, hoping it would be Al, but knowing it wouldn't. It would probably be Tina, asking again if she knew anything about Al. Instead it was the last person she expected to see, as the familiar figure in the white femi-suit entered the room, looking so almost completely at ease that she couldn't hold back a gasp. It couldn't be, could it? And if he was home why all the secrecy?
'S-Sam...?!' she stuttered.
Nick gulped, and hoped he was doing the right thing.
'Um, hi, I'm afraid not. My name is Nicholas, you must be Verbena Beeks', he started, not mentioning that he knew who she was because she had worked at the project until he had been about ten.
Now Verbena looked alarmed.
'I could have sworn...' she half muttered to herself, but her professionalism soon came back, after all, this Nicholas, whoever he was, was her patient, right?
'Hi, yes that's me. Were you looking for me? You really shouldn't be here you know. Does Admiral Calavicci know you're here? Is he with you by any chance?'
'No, and um, no to the last two, but yes to the first', Nick replied smiling. Unwittingly Verbena found herself relaxing. It seemed the latest visitor had quite a bit of charm.
'Ok, then, so, Nicholas, why don't we go back to the Waiting Room and then we'll have a little chat'.
Nick took a deep breath. It was now or never.
'To be honest, Dr. Beeks, I'd rather talk here. Al is still in there and I'm worried about him. I think he needs your help'.
Well, thought Verbena, two days in the same room, at least they're on first name terms.
'Uh-huh. Well, do you mind if we talk about you first? Why is it I haven't had the chance to be introduced to you yet during your little stay with us. And also, do you mind telling me how you found my office?'
Nick took another deep breath, realising that it had to be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Verbena was not stupid.
'Well, I asked Al not to tell anyone, and he agreed that that was a good idea. As for how I knew my way here, it's because I know the project...', he replied sitting down.
'What?! But how? Just who are you? Why has Al had you kept locked up since you arrived here? And why did you ask him to?'
Whatever Verbena had been expecting - some current junior worker at the project, a member of the press, even, what Nick told her was the last thing she'd been expecting.
'My name is Nicholas and I...my father works at the project'.
'Your father? And he told you about it?'
'Well, I was born here'.
'What, but that's impossible. This isn't a normal leap, isn't it? For the last time, please tell me who you are', Verbena asked, more curious than anything now, as she'd already decided that this strange man was not a threat.
'Ok, but please know that I only came you because I'm worried about Al and have no-one else to ask. You cannot tell anyone else. He'd probably kill me if he knew I'd come to you, especially after I finally persuaded him not to talk to you in the first place...'
Even Verbena had to smile at that one. That definitely sounded like Al.
'My father works at the project and so do I, or at least I will. My name is Nicholas Beckett, and my father is Dr Sam Beckett'.
As he waited for this bombshell to sink in he watched various emotions pass over Verbena's face. He was glad that he'd led up to his announcement, at least she had seemed to begin to trust him. As he watched, disbelief, confusion and amazement struggled for primacy in Verbena's mind, closely followed by annoyance and even amusement, as she considered that it was perhaps all a joke, then thoughtfulness and astonishment and acceptance of the truth as she reassessed the last few days and the last ten minutes in the light of this news.
'But, how?!' she whispered, at last.
'I don't know. It's never happened before but we think it's just because of the genetic link. Because it's the future we don't know what he's there to do, and Al is taking it badly'.
'Al knows, right?'
'Al knows everything'.
'Does Sam know who he is?' Nick just nodded.
'And?!'
'And what?'
'What's happening? Where is he?'
'He's here, at the project, in the year 2035'.
'My God!' Verbena muttered as the full impact hit her, again.
'I am worried about Al, though. He has no way of helping my father on this leap and I think he's very lost without that. He's scared that this leap will change something for the project.'
'My God!'
'Please, Dr, Beeks, I can't tell you anything else, but you have to help Al!'
As always, Verbena's professionalism took over and she motioned Nick to lead the way back to the waiting room, still in disbelief. The project already broke all known rules, and she had thought she had seen just about everything this job had to offer when her employer became stuck in the body of a chimpanzee, but now it seemed that it had just broken the last of it's own rules! And if she had to get her own head examined when this was all over, then she would - when it was all over!
Al was gradually drawn towards consciousness by a voice softly calling his name. He blinked. How long had he been out. He realised that he was still the waiting room, and the voice belonged to - oh, damn, Verbena was there.
'Good morning!' the psychriatist chirped cheerfully.
'Ohhh, is it?' Al groaned, rubbing his stiff neck.
'Oh yes. I had a visitor a little while ago. A friend of yours I believe, goes by the name of Nicholas...'
Al just groaned again, and stood up. There was no resisting Verbena Beeks when she was in full 'shrink' mode, as Al would put it.
'What do you want, Beeks? You want me to apologise for not bringing you in on this leap? You want me to say it was stupid to lock myself in here. Fine, it was stupid. But, I didn't know what to do.'
'My office, Al. Now!' Verbena announced, leading the way.
'Oh, boy', came the faint reply.
'OK, Al, what's happening with you? And don't say nothing. Something is wrong, and I'm here to help you'.
'I'm fine. Really'.
'Wrong answer.'
'What do you want? Blood?'
'No, I'd rather try to avoid that. Now come on, how can I help you if you don't talk? Look, don't even think of me as a shrink, think of me as your friend. I am your friend. And as your friend Al, I'm asking you to talk to me. How can you help Sam if you can't help yourself.'
At that, Al's eyes narrowed.
'I can help Sam...'
'It doesn't look like it from where I'm standing. Is that part of the problem? You think you'll let Sam down because you and Ziggy have no information on this leap? That's not your fault, and Sam knows that...'
Al gasped. How could she know so much.
'So, I'm right aren't I? Nicholas told me that there's no information. Do you think that Sam is going to change something because we can't tell him otherwise?'
'I...I...'
'Al, Sam is a good man. An extremely intelligent man. He won't do anything stupid. And I believe that if things happen, they are supposed to happen. I know we change that just by doing what we do, but how many times has that even gone out of our control? Sam will do what needs to be done. But, he can't do it on his own. He needs you Al, and I know you won't let him down'.
'But I will. If we can't figure out what's going on...'
'He'll understand. I'm sure he's more worried about you than the information anyway.'
'Why? This leap is important!'
'Of course it is, but you're his best friend. You're important to him.'
'I can't let him down. I owe him too much. He...'
'He saved your life Al. Stopped you drinking... I know that. But you paid that debt many times over. How many times have you saved his life? He can't do this without you. But, with you, he will...'
Al gasped again. Dammit, but she was good!
'I can't lose him!'
'Al, trust me. Trust him. Trust yourself, even. You'll get through this. You will not lose your best friend the way you lost your first wife'.
'But...'
'No buts. You're a hard man, Al Calavicci, but you're hard on no-one as much as yourself. Give yourself some slack. You're not perfect and no-one expects you to be. Not even Sam. He's your friend. Not because you think you owe him. Not even because you're his observer, but because you're a good man and a good friend. Sam couldn't have done this without you. He still needs your help, and your friendship. As much as you need his.'
'You think so?'
'I know so. These things have a habit of working themselves out, and if anyone can do it, it's you. Just remember, you don't have to do it all yourself. We're here for you Al.'
'What if this destroys it all?! I would be the only to remember all this...'
'Have trust Al.'
'Oh, God. I don't know. Maybe you're right...'
'No maybe about it', Verbena smiled. Al couldn't help it, he smiled back. Maybe she didn't know the future but she sure was a good psychiatrist.
'You're too good at this, you know'.
'I know. Now, go and talk to Sam. Now. Please...?'
'Fine, fine I'm going. I...I'll try.'
'All I'm asking'.
'So, end of lecture...'
'End of lecture. Just...don't do it again'.
Al grinned, shaking his head. He didn't know how she did it. Strangely enough, though, he was feeling more positive. He would go and see Sam. He didn't know how much use he would be, but, as he'd told Verbena, he'd try. Maybe that was all anyone could do?