Author's note: "RHPS" and all characters and what-not belong to Richard O'Brian, RENT and all it's stuff belong
to the late great Jonathan Larson, any of my other random references obviously don't belong to me. I'm not trying
to make a living off of this -- I'm just entirely too bored. Enjoy!
Joanne: Ok people! Ok! I'm back...
Maureen: For now...
Joanne: (glares at Maureen, but winds up smiling) Riiiiight... anyway, we were at the door of Frank's place before our
good friend ADAM barged in--
Mimi: No! We were after that! Remember, we had to get rid of Manley! And then we looked for Adam, and we made
hot passionate love...
Joanne: We DON'T need to know about that!!!!!
Mimi: Oh...oops!
Joanne: Now where is our friendly narrator???
Mimi: I'll find him - BENNY!!!!!
Benny: You called???
Mimi: Yea - we're starting
Benny: But I don't have a line!
Mimi: Hey Joanne -- he's right
Joanne: Who cares? He should be here anyway! We won't be able to find him if he's not!
Benny: (scoffing) bleck...
(Joanne assembles people into their places while Benny beckons to Mimi, who runs off giggling)
Mark/Brad: Hi! My name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancée, Janet Weiss. I wonder if you could help us. You see,
our car broke down a few miles up the road... do you have a phone we might use?
Collins/Riff Raff: You're wet.
Angel/Janet: (giggles) Yes - it's raining.
Brad: Yes. (looks confused, then blushes when he finally gets the joke) No! Wait! We didn't! I mean -- not yet -- I
mean! Aaaah!
Riff Raff: Riiiiight... I think perhaps you better both come inside.
Janet: You're too kind...And too sexy...(slaps Collins/Riff on the ass) Hey Mark -- I mean, Brad... I'm... uhhhh...scared.
What kind of a place is this?
Brad: Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.
Psycho Fans: YAY rich weirdos!
Riff Raff: This way.
Janet: Are you having a party?
Riff Raff: You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs...a Manley affair, if you get what I
mean...
Janet: Oh, lucky him.
(silence - eyes drift from Riff to the banister to Joanne, and back to the empty banister)
Joanne: MIIIIIMIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mimi: (running from backstage, putting her clothes back on) Sorry! Me and Benny were...uhh... having a... business
meeting...
Joanne: And I suppose YOU were representing the Cat Scratch Club?
Mimi: Uh -- YEA! So -- where are we?
Joanne: The banister part?
Mimi/Magenta: oooh! I love this part! (makes a large show out of sliding down the banister, twisting herself around
the banister, humping the banister, basically having entirely too much fun on the banister) You're lucky, he's lucky,
I'm lucky, we're all lucky! ha ha ha...
THE TIME WARP
Riff Raff: It's astounding; Time is fleeting; Madness takes its toll. But listen closely...
Magenta: Not for very much longer.
Riff Raff: I've got to keep control. I remember doing the time-warp Drinking those moments when The blackness
would hit me
Riff & Magenta: And a voi-
Mimi: VOICE!
Collins: VOID!
Mimi: It is NOT void! Voice makes so much more sense!
Collins: (pulls out large black book marked SCRIPT) See! Right here! It's VOID!
Mimi: But -- but -- voice makes so much sense!
Collins: It does no -- oh -- wait -- maybe it does. But that isn't the point! We're supposed to stick to the script!
Mimi: Aug -- damn script!
Collins: Where were we?
Mimi: God only knows.
Maureen: Hey! I don't know my part to this song!
Mimi: Ok! That's it! We're skipping the rest of the song!
Joanne: We can't skip this song! This is the show's trademark song! "Rocky Horror" without the Time Warp is like,
like RENT without Seasons of Love! This is impossible! We can't --
Maureen: (kisses Joanne)
Joanne: Ok, whatever! Next song, next scene, next whatever!
SWEET TRANSVESTITE
Trey Ellett/Frank: How do you do, I See you've met my Faithful handyman. He's just a little brought down Because
when you knocked He thought you were the candyman. Don't get strung out by the way I look. Don't judge a book
by its cover. I'm not much of a man by the light of day But by night I'm one hell of a lover. I'm just a sweet
transvestite From Transsexual, Transylvania. Let me show you around Maybe play you a sound. You look like you're
both pretty groovy.
Mark: (does the Macarena)
Trey: Or not...Or if you want something visual That's not too abysmal, We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.
Mark/Brad: (engrossed in his Macarena-ing) um - Can we use your phone? We're kinda stuck and we want to go
home because you guys are scary.
Joanne: Eh, you got the jist of it.
Trey/Frank: Well you got caught with a flat, well, how 'bout that? Well, babies, don't you panic. By the light of the
night it'll all seem alright. I'll get you a satanic mechanic. I'm just a sweet transvestite From Transsexual, Transylvania.
Why don't you stay for the night?
Riff Raff: Night. Frank: Or maybe a bite?
Columbia: Yum!.
Frank: I could show you my favorite obsession. I've been making a man With blond hair and a tan...
mmmManleymmm... And he's good for relieving my......tension I'm just a sweet transvestite From Transsexual,
Transylvania. HIT IT, HIT IT! I'm just a sweet transvestite
Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Sweet transvestite
Frank: From Transsexual,
Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Transylvania.
Frank: So - come up to the lab, And see what's on the slab. I see you shiver with antici ---
Fans: SAY IT!!!
Trey/Frank: (holds the silence out, then gives a devilish grin) ---pation. But maybe the rain Is really to blame. So I'll
remove the cause.
Fans: And what about the nasty symptom?
Trey/Frank:But not the symptom.
Joanne: Wow Trey! I'm impressed! You, unlike the rest of the cast, know your lines!
Trey: Thanks! I sing this song in my spare time Hey, where's my manly Manley??? (runs off to find Manley)
Joanne: Oh God
Mimi: Benny! Where are you???
Angel: Collins! Collins! Collins!
Maureen: Oh JOANNE! C'mere
(everyone randomly vanishes, except Mark)
Mark: What is this?!?!? Mass orgy time???? What about meeeeee???? Maureen? Roger? Anyone?? Ugh!! (Gets an
idea) (shouts offstage) Hey Joanne! I'm gonna go steal one of my girlfriends from someone else's fanfic!!! I'll be
back!!
to the late great Jonathan Larson, any of my other random references obviously don't belong to me. I'm not trying
to make a living off of this -- I'm just entirely too bored. Enjoy!
Joanne: Ok people! Ok! I'm back...
Maureen: For now...
Joanne: (glares at Maureen, but winds up smiling) Riiiiight... anyway, we were at the door of Frank's place before our
good friend ADAM barged in--
Mimi: No! We were after that! Remember, we had to get rid of Manley! And then we looked for Adam, and we made
hot passionate love...
Joanne: We DON'T need to know about that!!!!!
Mimi: Oh...oops!
Joanne: Now where is our friendly narrator???
Mimi: I'll find him - BENNY!!!!!
Benny: You called???
Mimi: Yea - we're starting
Benny: But I don't have a line!
Mimi: Hey Joanne -- he's right
Joanne: Who cares? He should be here anyway! We won't be able to find him if he's not!
Benny: (scoffing) bleck...
(Joanne assembles people into their places while Benny beckons to Mimi, who runs off giggling)
Mark/Brad: Hi! My name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancée, Janet Weiss. I wonder if you could help us. You see,
our car broke down a few miles up the road... do you have a phone we might use?
Collins/Riff Raff: You're wet.
Angel/Janet: (giggles) Yes - it's raining.
Brad: Yes. (looks confused, then blushes when he finally gets the joke) No! Wait! We didn't! I mean -- not yet -- I
mean! Aaaah!
Riff Raff: Riiiiight... I think perhaps you better both come inside.
Janet: You're too kind...And too sexy...(slaps Collins/Riff on the ass) Hey Mark -- I mean, Brad... I'm... uhhhh...scared.
What kind of a place is this?
Brad: Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.
Psycho Fans: YAY rich weirdos!
Riff Raff: This way.
Janet: Are you having a party?
Riff Raff: You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs...a Manley affair, if you get what I
mean...
Janet: Oh, lucky him.
(silence - eyes drift from Riff to the banister to Joanne, and back to the empty banister)
Joanne: MIIIIIMIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mimi: (running from backstage, putting her clothes back on) Sorry! Me and Benny were...uhh... having a... business
meeting...
Joanne: And I suppose YOU were representing the Cat Scratch Club?
Mimi: Uh -- YEA! So -- where are we?
Joanne: The banister part?
Mimi/Magenta: oooh! I love this part! (makes a large show out of sliding down the banister, twisting herself around
the banister, humping the banister, basically having entirely too much fun on the banister) You're lucky, he's lucky,
I'm lucky, we're all lucky! ha ha ha...
THE TIME WARP
Riff Raff: It's astounding; Time is fleeting; Madness takes its toll. But listen closely...
Magenta: Not for very much longer.
Riff Raff: I've got to keep control. I remember doing the time-warp Drinking those moments when The blackness
would hit me
Riff & Magenta: And a voi-
Mimi: VOICE!
Collins: VOID!
Mimi: It is NOT void! Voice makes so much more sense!
Collins: (pulls out large black book marked SCRIPT) See! Right here! It's VOID!
Mimi: But -- but -- voice makes so much sense!
Collins: It does no -- oh -- wait -- maybe it does. But that isn't the point! We're supposed to stick to the script!
Mimi: Aug -- damn script!
Collins: Where were we?
Mimi: God only knows.
Maureen: Hey! I don't know my part to this song!
Mimi: Ok! That's it! We're skipping the rest of the song!
Joanne: We can't skip this song! This is the show's trademark song! "Rocky Horror" without the Time Warp is like,
like RENT without Seasons of Love! This is impossible! We can't --
Maureen: (kisses Joanne)
Joanne: Ok, whatever! Next song, next scene, next whatever!
SWEET TRANSVESTITE
Trey Ellett/Frank: How do you do, I See you've met my Faithful handyman. He's just a little brought down Because
when you knocked He thought you were the candyman. Don't get strung out by the way I look. Don't judge a book
by its cover. I'm not much of a man by the light of day But by night I'm one hell of a lover. I'm just a sweet
transvestite From Transsexual, Transylvania. Let me show you around Maybe play you a sound. You look like you're
both pretty groovy.
Mark: (does the Macarena)
Trey: Or not...Or if you want something visual That's not too abysmal, We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.
Mark/Brad: (engrossed in his Macarena-ing) um - Can we use your phone? We're kinda stuck and we want to go
home because you guys are scary.
Joanne: Eh, you got the jist of it.
Trey/Frank: Well you got caught with a flat, well, how 'bout that? Well, babies, don't you panic. By the light of the
night it'll all seem alright. I'll get you a satanic mechanic. I'm just a sweet transvestite From Transsexual, Transylvania.
Why don't you stay for the night?
Riff Raff: Night. Frank: Or maybe a bite?
Columbia: Yum!.
Frank: I could show you my favorite obsession. I've been making a man With blond hair and a tan...
mmmManleymmm... And he's good for relieving my......tension I'm just a sweet transvestite From Transsexual,
Transylvania. HIT IT, HIT IT! I'm just a sweet transvestite
Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Sweet transvestite
Frank: From Transsexual,
Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Transylvania.
Frank: So - come up to the lab, And see what's on the slab. I see you shiver with antici ---
Fans: SAY IT!!!
Trey/Frank: (holds the silence out, then gives a devilish grin) ---pation. But maybe the rain Is really to blame. So I'll
remove the cause.
Fans: And what about the nasty symptom?
Trey/Frank:But not the symptom.
Joanne: Wow Trey! I'm impressed! You, unlike the rest of the cast, know your lines!
Trey: Thanks! I sing this song in my spare time Hey, where's my manly Manley??? (runs off to find Manley)
Joanne: Oh God
Mimi: Benny! Where are you???
Angel: Collins! Collins! Collins!
Maureen: Oh JOANNE! C'mere
(everyone randomly vanishes, except Mark)
Mark: What is this?!?!? Mass orgy time???? What about meeeeee???? Maureen? Roger? Anyone?? Ugh!! (Gets an
idea) (shouts offstage) Hey Joanne! I'm gonna go steal one of my girlfriends from someone else's fanfic!!! I'll be
back!!