Disclaimer~ ok, here we go again…I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any
of it's characters ::sighs:: no do I own 'The Newlywed Game' but even if
either two of these corporations do happen to read this fic (yea right!) I would
like to apologize ahead of time J.
Author's Note~ hey everyone! I actually tried to get
this round up yesterday, but for some reason my computer didn't like me…and
then the internet was against me…all in all it was a not so good experience : p! Anywho~ on to
round two! Send me any suggestions you guys have, I'd love to hear 'em!
The Newlywed
Game: Round 2
FF8
style…
Theme
music intro and Bathamut with the guys are on stage.
"Welcome back to the Newlywed Game! In round two we will ask
the husbands some question and we'll record the answers. Twenty-five points
will be awarded for each correct answer. Now, onto the game!" The audience
cheers…still fearing for their lives as the 'sign' blinks. "Alright, Irvine,
first question: What would you describe your wife's cooking as? A) Fine cuisine
B) fast-food C) Burnt-to-a-crisp-in-a-can or D) Wait a second…she cooks?"
Smiling mischievously (and not catching onto the fact that
he will already be sleeping on the couch for a month) Irvine spoke up "That
would be C!" Bathamut looked at him curiously mumbling under his breath
something which sounded like 'suicidal moron' and moved onto Squall.
"Same question, A) Fine cuisine B) fast-food C)
Burnt-to-a-crisp-in-a-can or D) 'Wait a second…she cooks?"
"Wait a second…since when did Rinoa cook?" Bathamut was
about to open his mouth when Squall realized what he had said and hastily
corrected himself "NO! A) Fine cuisine!
I mean…whatever…"
"Seifer." The GF addressed the next 'husband' in line for
questioning.
"...puberty boy…"
"Umm…what?" The confused GF inquired.
"…." Was the only response Squall provided.
"Oh, nothing…" Seifer replied in as innocent a voice he
could conjure up. If looks could kill, the look Squall was giving Seifer could
have been used to enforce the death penalty.
"Would, you like me to repeat the choices?"
"No, I choose A" The entire audience was a little take back
by this answer, but thought it safer to keep quiet (after all, it's generally a
bad idea to tick off someone involved with 3 evil sorceress, and can use a
large pointy object for mass destruction).
"Umm…Question 2: What is the strangest place that you ever
made "whoopee"?"
Irvine giggled inwardly "Heh heh… Squall's office desk."
"WHAT?!?!" Needless to say, Squall wasn't exactly too
pleased to discover that his cowboy friend and Selphie had, well, done 'it', on
the same desk he worked at everyday. It's not one of those thoughts you look
back on and smile; actually it's probably one of those thoughts one usually
brings up when speaking to one's psychiatrist.
Bathamut decided it was time for him to step in when he
noticed Squall's hand inching toward his hip where his gunblade usually was
(thankfully, the security guys confiscated all weapons before the contestants were
allowed out on stage). "Now Squall, what's you're answer?"
Squall looked down and mumbled under his breath.
"Could you repeat that?"
"…"
"I can't give you credit for an answer if we can't record
it." The GF was trying to sound 'cute' and was failing miserably.
"…my office on the desk…" Irvine got a look on his face like
he had just had and epiphany, and leaned over to talk to Squall.
"Heya, Squall, when exactly did you and the Misses, ya know,
get happy on the table?"
Squall stared at Irvine in utter disbelief that the cowboy
would actually consider talking to him so soon after admitting to defiling his
workspace, never mind actually trying to discuss the matter with him. After a
few seconds of consideration Squall shook his head "You are one sick, and twisted
man, you know that?"
"So…was it before or after the 10th? Cuz…well,
that would just be gross if we did it bef-" Irvine was (thankfully) cut off as
Squall's hand 'slipped' and hit him upside the head. Irvine retreated back to
his seat and rubbed the bruise, which was already forming, on his head.
Trying not to laugh at the irony Bathamut coughed into his
hand and walked up to Seifer "Same question, where did you make wacky whoopee."
"Oh...umm…" Seifer scratched the back of his neck in
thought, trying to keep a cool exterior.
"Oh come now Mr. Almasy...I'm sure you must have quite the
answer for this one!"
Seifer's eyes lit up "Well, I guess the best answer would
have to be, on the desk in Squall's office." He smiled smugly and Squall threw
his hands up in annoyance.
"Last question boys: What word best describes your wife's
body? A) Voluptuous B) Firm C) Saggy or D) pretty and petite?" Immediately
expecting vulgar remarks as soon as he finished reading the question, Bathamut
looked offstage to the producer and pointed to the infamous 'sign'. But before
any further threats (or promises) could be made Irvine spoke up.
"That's an easy one!" Bathamut, Squall, Seifer, and the
audience all flinched waiting for the cowboy to give yet another stupid answer
"D, pretty and petite." They all let out a sigh of relief in unison.
"Squall?"
He sat in his oh so famous 'thinking position' for a minute
"A. Voluptuous."
"Yea she is pretty hott, huh Squally-boy."
"Seifer, I am only going to say this once," Squall was
barely containing his rage through gritted teeth "If you EVER talk about MY
wife like that again, I may have to physically harm you."
"Hey, before she was your wife she was my girlfriend! Don't
you remember about that summer we spent together?"
Squall would have probably thrown something at Seifer had
there been any detachable objects nearby. For lack of ammo Squall stood up
threateningly to shout at Seifer "Listen up buddy! You two never officially did
anything! I should kick you a—"
"NOW, NOW BOYS!" The GF jumped in before the author would
have to change the rating to PG (yes folks, our society has decayed so much,
that that type of language is PG accessible…ok that's all for my public service
announcement :P) "Honestly, Squall, Seifer, don't you think Quistis and Rinoa
would be very displeased with your bickering?"
"NO!" both boys answered in unison.
"Ok, let me rephrase…don't you think you'd live longer if
you just let this little disagreement go?"
"How do you mean?" Seifer inquired curiously.
"Well I AM one of the most deadly GFs ever!" He boasted.
"Actually, I'm pretty sure we kicked your butt at the
research center…" Squall remembered.
Bathamut's eyes flashed and the director came in beside the
cue card guy and began waving his arm in a motion as to say 'cut it out, time
is money!' so Squall and Seifer sat down.
Bathamut took a moment to compose himself but then continued
on as if nothing had happened to interrupt the show "Seifer? A) Voluptuous B)
Firm C) Saggy or D) pretty and petite?"
"Since I never pass up an opportunity to check out Quistis'
body probably B." Seifer decided to keep his answers short and sweet, so as to
avoid further confrontation with is rival. (This short answer, of course, did
not bar the two from throwing daggers at each other with their eyes.)
"Alrighty then! Ladies! Come on out!" Selphie came out leading a frighteningly
calm Quistis to sit next to her 'husband' and behind them limped Rinoa who was
missing a shoe. (The stagehand kindly returned the object, which was thrown at
Seifer's head, back to her) After each girl was seated Bathamut continued his
job.
"25 points at stake! Girls, choose your answers wisely!" He
turned his attention to the spunky brunette who was first in line. "Selphie,
how would your husband describe your cooking? A) Fine cuisine, B) fast-food, C)
Burt-to-a-crisp-in-a-can or D) 'Wait a second…she cooks?"
Holding Irvine's hand lovingly Selphie smiled at Irvine
"Just the other night he told me what a wonderful cook I was. Oh Irvy, you're
so sweet! He said A." She stared at him confusedly as she noticed him twitching
nervously. Selphie clutched onto Irvine's hand much harder. "Oh Irvy-poo…what was your
answer?" with each passing second her grip on him grew tighter to the point
where the cowboy found himself on his knees in front of his
sweet-little-innocent wife squirming in pain.
"I, ummm…A?" he lied. Bathamut (finding the sight very
amusing) proceeded to press the 'play' button of the recording and the voice of
Irvine filled the room 'That would be C!' Irvine glared at Bathamut and the camera panned to Rinoa and Squall
who were staring off to the side with jaws wide open.
"OH! I bet you thought
that was VERY funny at the time, didn't you!"
"Awww…Seffie, sweetie,
honey, baby, dearest!"
"Don't Seffie baby me!
You are SO sleeping on the FLOOR! No pillow either!"
"But, but…"
"NO BUTS! You have to
learn that not everything can be fixed with a --- ….oh Irvy!"
Squall and Rinoa suddenly snapped their gaze forward away
from their friends. Bathamut was staring at the couple (practically drooling)
and had to be tapped on the shoulder by one of the stage crewmembers and
snapped back to reality. "Oh umm…Rinoa, how would your husband describe your
cooking? A) Fine cuisine, B) fast-food, C) Burt-to-a-crisp-in-a-can or D) 'Wait
a second…she cooks?"
Rinoa swallowed nervously "A?"
Squall nodded, and the taped answer he gave played. Instead
of her normal affectionate reward for a correct answer by Squall she merely
patted his hand.
"Moving on, Quistis? Same question."
Not at all fazed by the actions of Selphie and Irvine, she
smiled and answered, "I guess he'd say B, fast-food."
Smiling proudly Seifer looked at Quistis and Bathamut played
the tape 'I choose A' Quistis (who was beginning to shake off the
effects of the tranquilizers she was given backstage) stared at Seifer
curiously.
Suddenly there was a loud noise coming from the audience and
some muffled shouts. The camera panned over to show three large security guards
wrestling to restrain four teenaged boys dressed in Garden's cadets uniform.
They seemed to have burst into the studio and were being dragged out.
"Is that camera on us?!" asked one of the boys.
"YES! IT IS!" replied another
"Alright guys now's our chance!" the third shouted
"WE LOVE YOU QUISTIS!" the four Trepies shouted in unison.
"Alright that does it, we told you three times! STAY OUT!"
the largest of the security men stated while the four hormonally driven boys
were being dragged out.
"Quistis! Marry me!"
"Seifer's no good for you!"
"Yea he's a jerk!"
"SHH! He's right there!"
Quistis tried to hide her face, while Seifer was giving the
four Trepies 'evil glare'. Soon the studio was once again void of Trepies and
the cameras went back to the contestants on stage.
"Well, that was…interesting." Bathamut commented "Now onto
the next question." He walked back over to Selphie and Irvine and let out a
sigh and hung his shoulders. Irvine's face had smudges of Selphie's lipstick
all over it and Selphie was hugging his arm lovingly, smiling up at him
happily. "…they don't pay me enough.." the exasperated GF mumbled under his
breath. "Selphie, what would you say is the strangest place that you ever made
"whoopee"?" Selphie let out the same type of giggle Irvine had when he had
heard the question.
"On the desk in Squall's office!" This time it was Rinoa's
turn to be shocked as she glared at Selphie. Her answer was confirmed as being
correct and she dove back into Irvine's arms, and Bathamut moved onto Squall and
Rinoa quickly (after all this IS a 'G' rated fic!).
"Well, Rinoa, same question."
"Well...umm…on the desk in squall's office"
"Please speak up?"
"On the desk in Squall's office…" Rinoa blushed furiously
and bit her bottom lip. She couldn't decide whether to be relieved or even more
embarrassed when she heard the recording of Squall's voice confirm her answer,
so she nuzzled her head into the collar of Squall's jacket. Squall seemed to
look proud however, and put his arm around Rinoa.
"Quistis, do you need me to repeat the question?"
"Umm…no…let's see now…" Quistis looked at Seifer for some
type of clue (I mean how the heck could she know!), but he only responded with a
classic smirk. "Squall's desk?"
"That's correct!" Quistis and Seifer chuckled at their
little joke, and to the surprise of everyone else in the studio, she didn't
freak out when he slipped his arm around her shoulders (perhaps the after
effects of the tranquilizers?).
"Final question of round 2: How would your husband describe
your body? A) Voluptuous B) Firm C) Saggy or D) pretty and petite?"
Selphie and Irvine were snuggling and Selphie barely managed
to say "D" Before returning to her make out session behind Irvine's hat.
"Rinoa? Same question."
"Umm…I'll say that Squall thinks I'm D, pretty and petit!"
Squall's answer of 'Voluptuous' played and instead of being disappointed at
their wrong answer she covered his face with kisses (Squall managed one of his
rare, but cherished smiles).
"Alright Quistis, what do you think you're husband thinks of
your body?"
"Well, he sure as (heck) stares at it enough!" Quistis had
completely shaken the effects of the drugs she was previously given "So he
BETTER have said B." Her answer was confirmed and both 'Almasys' sat with smug
expressions on their faces.
Bathamut turned and looked into the camera with that fake
'show host' smile "Alright, at the end of round two, the Kinneas' have a total
score of 60, while the Almasys and the Leonharts have a score of 80! But all
that can change in Round 3! We'll be right back after these messages for our
final round!"
Author's Note~
yea, yea, I know I'm only supposed to have one of these per fic, but too bad
:P! I need to know if you guys like where this is going. And if you want any
special occurrences for the final round (I've already started writing it, but
figured you guys might want some input!) Ok, hope you enjoyed this round!