INT. NICOLE'S BOXTER - AFTERNOON/EARLY EVENING
NICOLE pulls up to a run-down apartment complex. She checks the
scrap of paper in her hand
and compares it to the number on the building -- yup, it's the right
one. She takes a deep
breath and closes her eyes.
SHAGGY
Nicole!
SHAGGY hollers from the top of the steps and comes down as Nicole gets
out of her car and
grabs her LV suitcase.
SHAGGY
I hope you didn't have much trouble
finding the place.
NICOLE
All I had to do was follow the prostitutes
and discarded needles and I was fine.
SHAGGY
I know...it's not the greatest of neighborhoods.
You should've called me to come get you.
Here, lemme help you with that.
NICOLE
No, it's okay, thanks.
Nicole's cellphone rings as she makes it up the steps. She quickly answers it.
BROOKE'S VOICE
Nicole, don't hang up --
NICOLE
I'm sorry, I think you have
the wrong number, hon.
BROOKE'S VOICE
Wait a minute --
Nicole clicks her cellphone off.
NICOLE
So tell me again why you live in
Crackland?
SHAGGY
My ex...he doesn't know that I'm
still around. He doesn't know
about this place, either.
NICOLE
From the looks of it, neither does HUD.
INSIDE SHAGGY'S APARTMENT
is a tad better than the outside, but not much. Nicole surveys
the small two-bedroom
apartment and spies a large couch in the messy, trinket-filled living
room.
SHAGGY
Um...I fixed my room for you --
NICOLE
That's O.K.! I'll take the couch.
SHAGGY
Nicole --
NICOLE
Look, Mo -- Shaggy. I'm already
burdening you with a spur-of-the-
moment roomie situation. I don't
want to put you out any more than
is necessary.
SHAGGY
You're not putting me out --
FEMALE VOICE (O.S.)
Shaggeh! Shaggeh, you 'ome?
SHAGGY
We're in the living room, Tee.
NICOLE
Tee?
SHAGGY
My auntie.
NICOLE
Oh, right, you told me about --
Nicole GASPS LOUDLY as her eyes widen and she goes into a state of shock.
FOCUS ON TERRI GLASS, Shaggy's auntie in the doorway. Terri Glass looks
just like Bobbi
Glass, only much older -- short white hair, wrinkles, glasses.
VERY androgynous; can't even
TELL that she's female (or is she?).
TERRI GLASS
What'sa matter, hun? Look likes
yeh seen the devil 'imself.
FOCUS ON NICOLE, jaw dropped, still in complete shock.
EXT. KENNEDY HIGH GROUNDS - THE FOREVER TREE STUMP - DAY
PAN over a crowd -- BROOKE, CARMEN, SAM, JOSH, LILY, MARY CHERRY, BOBBI
GLASS. They
are all somber and wearing formal Victorian Era gowns and suits, complete
with hats as they
look on (Bobbi Glass is, obviously, in a suit.) MARY CHERRY weeps
loudly.
MARY CHERRY
Oh...Joe....
CUT to HARRISON and EMORY, standing back to back, wearing two white, billowy poet shirts.
HARRISON
We don't have to do this, Emory --
EMORY
Wrong, my dear ex-friend . A man must
protect his honor in all things
concerning chivalry.
A tear-stained APRIL TUNA, wearing a much gaudier outfit than the rest
of the girls, throws
herself at Emory's feet.
TUNA
Harrison John is right, my sexy studhorse!
You don't have to do this!
Emory bends to pick her up.
EMORY
You too are wrong, my gentle, fragrant...sexy...
luscious...
Everyone in the crowd looks sufficiently grossed out.
EMORY
...bodacious...wet-lipped --
FOCUS on LILY.
LILY
Can we get on with this?
BACK to EMORY.
EMORY
Darling -- if I don't make it out of
this...(louder, directed towards Harrison)
of which there is little chance, but
nonetheless...(back to towards April) just
remember...that we'll always have Mr.
Cluck's.
HARRISON
(quiet)
Mr. Cluck's?
April's face lights up.
TUNA
Our first date...you remembered.
God, that's so...hot!
Emory winks at her as she starts to walk away.
TUNA
Good luck, my love.
She turns to Harrison and shouts in his face.
TUNA
Rot in hell, homewrecker!
April re-joins the line of onlookers.
Nicole steps up to Harrison.
NICOLE
You remember what I taught you?
HARRISON
Aim for the head and keep shooting.
EMORY
(turns head towards Nicole)
But, we only get one bullet.
NICOLE
(patronizing)
Right...you do.
She pats Harrison on the chest as Emory turns back, worried.
NICOLE
Welp, good luck!
Nicole joins the onlookers as the focus is on Harrison and Emory.
Sugar Daddy walks behind
them.
SUGAR DADDY
Pieces up.
Harrison and Emory raise their guns up.
HARRISON
(quiet, to Emory)
We really *don't* have to do this --
SUGAR DADDY
Hush, scrubs. I will soon step back,
and at the stroke of noon I will start
counting down from ten, wherefore the
both of you are to take ten paces from
your point of origin. When I reach one,
you will turn, point, and shoot. He who
is left standing will be the one who wins
the hand of the fair Miss Tuna.
He steps back. He looks at his pocketwatch, and the little hand touches and passes noon.
SUGAR DADDY
Ten...nine...eight...
Harrison and Emory take broad goose steps from eachother, guns raised.
CUT to CROWD,
where everyone looks increasingly worried; Brooke, Carmen, and
Sam squeeze eachothers'
hands.
SUGAR DADDY
...seven...six...five...
Mary Cherry sobs into Miss Glass's coat jacket. Miss Glass offers
her a hankerchief and she
blows.
SUGAR DADDY
...four...three...two...
Nicole files her nails. Miss Glass elbows her hard and she reluctantly stops.
SUGAR DADDY
...one!
The boys turn and fire. FOCUS on each of their faces, ZOOM on their eyes.
CUT to CROWD, gasping.
Both boys fall back, grabbing their chests. Harrison is knocked out cold.
MARY CHERRY
Joe!!!
Emory is knocked back, also. April rushes to him.
BACK to Harrison. Sam and Nicole bend to him.
SAM
(crying)
Harrison...Harrison! OhmiGod, Harrison!
OVER to APRIL and EMORY. Emory removes his hand; there is lots
of blood gushing out from a
chest wound, as April supports his head in her lap.
EMORY
April...I'm...I'm hurt...bad.
TUNA
DUH, Einstein! Well...what am I
supposed to do now?
EMORY
Just...let me...have peace in your
arms....
TUNA
(crying)
Oh Emory...how could you do this...how
could you do this to us...to me...to...
wait a darn tootin' minute. How COULD
you do this, you dumbass!
CUT to HARRISON and the girls. Sam supports his head in her lap.
SAM
Oh my God, Harrison, wake up...please
wake up, Harrison!
BROOKE
Is he dead?
MARY CHERRY
(wailing)
Oh Joe, WHY, oh WHY did you have to
leave me? Oh Joe!
Mary Cherry continues to wail hysterically as she kneels next to him,
pounding his chest
once...then twice...then a third time really hard. She shakes
her hands like she hit something
solid and it hurt.
MARY CHERRY
Ow!
Harrison coughs, his eyes flutter open and he removes his hand from
his chest. There is a
hole, but no blood. Dumbfounded, Mary Cherry rips his shirt open
to reveal a bullet-proof
vest.
HARRISON
(toward Mary Cherry)
Um -- OW!
Nicole leans over in to his field of vision.
NICOLE
Congratulations, stud. You get to
spend the rest of your high school
days getting your tuna straight from
the can. How does it feel to be the
winner of a loser?
HARRISON
But I didn't even want...ohmiGod,
Emory...
He sits up.
HARRISON
Emory?!
April stands, kicking Emory's slowly dying body.
TUNA
You idiot! How could you do this to
me? Get up! Get up! I said, GET UP,
you LOSER!
ZOOM on Emory's face as he moans.
APRIL TUNA'S LIVE VOICE start to mingle with April's "dream voice" as
Emory continues to take
April's kicks.
EMORY
April...no...April....
DISSOLVE to
INT. KENNEDY HIGH - BRING BACK FREAKS & GEEKS CLUB MEETING
- AFTERNOON/EARLY
EVENING
TUNA (O.S.)
Get up, you loser! Get up!
EMORY
No, please, no more --
APRIL TUNA smacks Emory's arm as he startles awake. The rest of
the Bring Back Freaks &
Geeks Club are hastily filing out of the room.
EMORY
I'm sorry, I must've dozed off --
TUNA
You sure as HECK did. You missed the
weekly progress report of our all-important
write-in campaigns! While you...snored
through our meeting we concluded that the
next target of our praise-filled prose should be Mr.
John Francis Daley, currently of The Geena
Davis Show. We agreed that he, being a current
cast member of a mediocre family sitcom on
one of the BIG THREE, wields the most power
to urge network executives to bring the show
back with new episodes. What the heck is
wrong with you, Emory Dick?
EMORY
I haven't had much sleep lately, my little
cornflower. I've...had much on my mind.
April looks concerned, but puzzled. Emory moves closer.
EMORY
Miss Tuna...ever since you and I...well, have been
"close" these days, it seems that my thoughts have
been preoccupied with your activities.
TUNA
Did I do something to upset you?
EMORY
No -- I don't know. You tell me.
He takes her hand.
EMORY
I understand that this is all new for you -- as
it is for me. And I understand that perhaps
the both of us are a little overwhelmed at the
notion of "dating" or "going steady", so...
sometimes we act out in the form of...polyamory.
April looks like she's about to cry.
TUNA
Did...did you...cheat on me?
EMORY
Of course not. But you...you can tell me
anything and I won't be angry at you.
TUNA
You...you think *I* cheated on *you*?
EMORY
Well, as I said, I would understand --
April unexpectedly slaps him across the face; he screams like a woman.
She quickly and
angrily stands up.
TUNA
Emory Dick! I am so...so...MAD
at you! I suggest that you allow at
LEAST 24 hours for my wrath to
pass before you attempt to contact
me in any medium!
She turns to leave as Emory clasps his cheek.
INT. KENNEDY HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY
APRIL TUNA rushes down the hall and nearly bowls SAM over. Sam
shrugs it off and happens
upon JOSH putting up one of Lily's posters.
SAM
Hey, Josh.
JOSH
Oh hey, Sam.
SAM
Have you seen George anywhere?
JOSH
Naw, I've been too busy puttin' up
these posters to notice anything else.
SAM
Mmm. I see.
JOSH
There. I was doin' so well with these that I went
and Xeroxed a whole bunch more...I put up
TWICE the number of posters she gave me.
SAM
Congratulations, Josh. You've
successfully wasted megawallspace.
And though I first have to say that your efforts
to become more socially responsible are
impressive, you are unfortunately
exhibiting the classic signs of Tubby Hubby.
JOSH
Tubby? Whoa, am I really getting
that fat?
SAM
It has little to do with fat, Josh. It has to
do with the fact that you're cool...but you're
also whipped. And the fact that Lily
can just crack open your lid and dip her
finger in to take a biiiiiig dollop out of you
at will is simply horrifying.
BROOKE enters, concerned.
BROOKE
Hey Josh, Sam...Sam, you have a
minute?
SAM
I'm actually on my way to find George --
BROOKE
It'll only take a minute.
SAM
(sighs)
Sure.
(to Josh)
Sorry.
JOSH
Hey, no problem.
Brooke & Sam leave Josh there, as Lily comes along. Josh looks thoroughly confused.
LILY
Hey baaaby...what was that all about?
JOSH
Something about cream...anyway,
I got all your posters up.
LILY
Awww, sweeeeetie..! Now all you have
to do is help set up for the meeting!
Lily jumps up and hugs him, as he hears a LOUD CRACKING of a whip.
FOCUS over to BROOKE and SAM as they head their way into The Novak.
BROOKE
We've got to do something about
Nicole.
SAM
What needs to be done about
Nicole is far beyond any legal
risks I'm willing to take.
BROOKE
This is serious, Sam. She's moved in
with her mother...Shaggy.
SAM
What? I thought you guys were
kidding about that.
BROOKE
Did we LOOK like we were kidding?
(pauses)
Sam...you know how it was when I found
my mother. But this is Nicole we're talking
about.
SAM
So? So she moved in with the lunch hag
who just happens to be her mother --
there's not much either of us can do about that.
BROOKE
Yes, but you know she's going to get hurt.
SAM
How? By breaking one of her nails while actually
doing her own laundry?
BROOKE
She's already hurting. She's hurting more than I
ever had, Sam. God, Sam -- at least *I* had
*some* idea of where I came from and who my
parents were. It's like...Nic was living her whole
life in this big...lie. Look...I know you're busy
with your own stuff, but could you at least be
available to me if I need you to help me with
this?
Sam nods her head.
BROOKE
She's really not the monster she was before.
SAM
Well, you know what Claw said. Things aren't
always as they seem.
Just then, APRIL TUNA bursts into The Novak -- and MARY CHERRY follows.
MARY CHERRY
TROUBLED TUNA, comin' through!
April ducks into a stall and slams the door behind her. Mary Cherry talks through the door.
MARY CHERRY
There, there, Miss Geisha Girl...
I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it.
TUNA
(inside the stall)
Your...kind words are of little comfort
to me at this turbulent time, Mary Cherry --
but I do applaud your efforts. C...could you
get...Mr. Harrison John for me?
Sam's head turns.
SAM
What's the deal with you guys and Harrison?
April's head pops up at the top of the door stall.
TUNA
Well -- Miss McNosey! Since you chose to quash
Mr. Harrison John's hopes for a chance to be
with the grunge goddess that he worships and opt for a
fleeting romance with Kennedy High's star quarterback,
George Austin, I and Miss Mary Cherry are only
serving to pick up the pieces of his otherwise
shattered heart by occupying his time with a diversion
worthy of his talents!
Mary Cherry nods her head accordingly.
TUNA
So MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
April ducks down again.
MARY CHERRY
(quietly, condescendingly)
Could you give us a minute?
Sam and Brooke leave The Novak.
SAM
I will help you in whatever way that I
can, but I really have to find George.
Sam's cellphone rings.
SAM
That's probably him.
BROOKE
It could be Harrison.
SAM
Brooke --
BROOKE
Well, what April Tuna said was --
Sam answers her phone.
SAM
Hello?
CUT TO GEORGE at a payphone.
GEORGE
Sam?
INTERCUT - SAM/GEORGE
SAM
George! I've been looking for you all
over the place. Where are you?
GEORGE
I can't really talk right now, Sammie...
I just wanted to let you know that I
won't be around tonight, but I'll see
you at school tomorrow, okay?
SAM
Um...okay.
GEORGE
Are...you okay, Sam?
SAM
Uh, yeah...it's just that...never mind.
Tomorrow in class. Got it.
GEORGE
Good -- oh, gotta run. Catcha later.
SAM
Yup...later.
Sam shuts off her cell. Brooke looks like she's about to say something.
SAM
I don't want to talk about whatever it is
you're about to bring up.
BROOKE
Sam!
Sam leaves her in the hall.
INT. SHAGGY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
NICOLE'S EYES are still fixed wide open, shocked. She, TERRI GLASS,
and SHAGGY sit around
the livingroom. Terri Glass and Shaggy continue to dip into the
cartons of Chinese food while
Nicole stares at Terri. Terri takes notice, just as she's looping
a disgustingly wiggly piece of
noodle around her tongue. Nicole would gag, but she's too shocked.
Terri swallows and
addresses Nicole.
TERRI GLASS
Yuh haven't even touched yer...
whut is that?
There's nothing but a celery stick and a cracker on Nicole's plate.
NICOLE
(really fast, still staring at Terri)
It's a vegetable something that is
obviously a foreign object to you
Shaggy you didn't tell me enough
about your auntie here so why don't
you tell me now and don't leave out any
details 'cuz I'm curious to know
why you left this part out when we
talked.
SHAGGY
I didn't think it was that important.
I just figured you'd meet the
family as we got closer.
NICOLE
Yeah, hi, that's a nice flowery
concept but we're not exactly
the Waltons here what exactly
did you say your name was,
"auntie"?
Shaggy grows a little uncomfortable.
SHAGGY
I'll let you two get aquainted...if you're
not gonna eat, I'll just clean this up for
you.
Shaggy starts taking all the cartons up, with exception to Terri, who
growls at her when she
reaches for her plate.
TERRI GLASS
Terr'...Terr' Glass. You can
jist call me "Tee".
NICOLE
Yeah, Mr. T. -- Sir -- you
wouldn't happen to have any
sisters or brothers...cousins?
Children out of wedlock?
TERRI GLASS
Well...if I do then I don't keepa
contact. I myself never marred
an' the only one I worry about here
is my Shaggeh. She's the only one
who seems t've made anythin' of
'erself. You, though...purty little gal
with dem sparkle blue eyes...you
seem ta hava potintial.
NICOLE
At least that's what everybody
tells me.
TERRI GLASS
It's true!
A cuckoo clock goes off.
TERRI GLASS
Aww, izza time fer yer
bedtimes, gals.
Terri Glass moves to get up, but Nicole stops her.
NICOLE
Wait --
TERRI GLASS
Mmm?
NICOLE
Why now? Why do you think that...someone
somewhere thought it was time for me to
find out who I really am?
TERRI GLASS
I'ma gonna tell yuh what I told yer momma
when she asked me the same thang longo...
it was time to start LIVIN' the life that
yer givin'...not worryin' whut others think.
Otherwise, mightaswellbe tha walkin' dead.
You a wonderin' what'd be like t'do sumthin?
Do it! N' show no regrets...the past is past.
People make mistakes. People learn.
People furgive. That's whut's life 'sbout.
Terri Glass gets up to leave. She reaches for the light.
TERRI GLASS
G'night, baby. Cat come
wake y'up, teller shoo, 'kay?
NICOLE
Um...yeah, g'night.
Nicole lies back on the couch and stares into the dark, deep in thought.
INT. KENNEDY HIGH - HALLWAY - DAY
NICOLE, looking absolutely gorgeous, struts down the hall towards a
HARRISON and APRIL
TUNA. BROOKE approaches from the other end, but before Nicole
can see her, ducks behind
the corner and listens in on their conversation.
HARRISON
Hey, Nicole --
NICOLE
Tuna -- privacy, please?
Harrison nods his head at Tuna.
TUNA
I guess...I will see you later, Harrison
John.
HARRISON
(waves at her)
Later.
(turns attention to Nicole)
What's up, Nicole.
He's smiling, but his smile disappears when he notices that she's not
wearing her horseshoe
pin, even though he is wearing his.
HARRISON
You're not...wearing your --
NICOLE
Oh, yeah, I know, I didn't
want it to clash with my outfit.
Harrison looks disappointed.
NICOLE
Now now. I said that I would
wear it and I am.
(pulls him into the doorway of a classroom)
I'm just not wearing it anywhere...
visible.
She moves her books aside. Her cleavage seems a little more than
usual today. Harrison
gulps nervously.
HARRISON
I give...what did you want
to see me about?
Brooke continues to listen from the corner.
NICOLE
Well. You remember what you approached
me about...
HARRISON
...and you turned me down.
NICOLE
Right.
HARRISON
Ooooh, I get it -- you aren't wearing our
unifying horseshoe because you thought
up a brilliant dig on me for my pathetic
awkward idiocy that day --
NICOLE
I wanna know if you're still interested.
HARRISON
--and how STUPID I felt -- uh...
excuse me?
NICOLE
I repeat: Are you still interested?
Harrison looks around, nervous. There's no one in the hall and they're late for class.
HARRISON
You...want to know if I'm
interested so you can make
fun of me again?
NICOLE
Not at all.
HARRISON
(even more nervous)
Th...this is a joke, right? It's
April Fool's --
Brooke rushes off to chemistry class, as their conversation becomes too quiet for her to hear.
NICOLE
Look --
(quieter, pulling him close)
-- this is the real thing, baby. Your
initiation into manhood is just a short,
one word answer away. Pop quiz, stud:
You can A) do it with some skanky
crack whore from the strip for twenty
bucks, B) spank it for the rest of your
life while you fantasize about a gal who
passed her best friend over for some beefy
jock, or C) do it with someone with whom
you already have a close connection
to, and...and who actually cares
enough about you to make sure it's
done right. That said -- are you...
still...interested?
HARRISON
(almost squeaky)
Yeah.
NICOLE
One condition.
HARRISON
Wh...what?
NICOLE
Just like I'm keeping that dirty little
secret about your email to me, you
will keep OUR dirty little secret to
ourselves. Got it?
HARRISON
D...d...uh, okay. Yeah, okay.
Nicole turns from serious to completely light and smiley.
NICOLE
So -- busy tonight?
END OF ACT 2