Chapter Ten: Forgiveness?
Methos' body defied nature once more. The heart began to beat, blood to pump, air to rush back in to the lungs. Methos awoke from the dead. Groaning he slowly stood. It was light, not long after dawn, if he was still any judge of telling the time by the sun. It was amazing how ordinary the place looked in the cold, stark light of day. Gone was the eariness and shadows of the night before. Glancing sideways he noticed Mac still slumped a couple of metres away from him. His wounds had healed but he was still dead to the world - literally. Giving a sigh of relief, Methos collected both the swords. Then he heard a rustle and faint footsteps. Someone was coming. Pulling out his gun, Methos turned to face the intruder.
"Adam. Don't shoot, it's me! Are you ok?"
It was Joe. Thanks Gods, it was Joe. Joe, calling him Adam again...Joe, walking with a cane...
Maybe his plan had worked after all. Huh, some plan - don't get killed! Didn't that just say it all, he mused.
"Joe," he croaked.
The Watcher came nearer, and Methos could see the stress on his face, the weariness in his eyes. He wasn't getting any younger...
"Adam, thank God you're both alright!"
"Joe, I...I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?! I'm sorry. I don't know what...I...It..."
"Joe, it's alright. I know."
Joe sighed.
"What about Mac?"
"We wait for him to wake up, then we'll see, I guess."
"You think it's gone...whatever it was?" Joe asked, shuddering.
"I honestly don't know. But signs are hopeful, aren't they?" He looked pointedly at Joe's legs.
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Joe, does this mean...? I mean, are we? Have you?"
"Are we friends again? Yep, if you'll have me. I think I just needed a shock. Some shock, though, huh? Puts things in perspective. I realise that there was nothing you could have done. It still hurts, but I don't want to loose two friends instead of one."
"Thanks Joe. That means a lot. Really, it does."
"What about Mac? Think he'll feel the same way?"
Methos shugged. Who knew?
"Well, he obviously took it more personally than you did. And, then, I...Well, let's just say I probably made things a whole lot worse."
Joe just raised his eyebrows. Methos sighed.
"Maybe another time, Joe. Here, take the gun, just in case. Mac's starting to wake up," he replied feeling the tell-tale buzz getting stronger. He grabbed both swords, placing one by Duncan's chest and the other next to his neck. He wasn't taking any chances.
Slowly Duncan's eyes fluttered open. He gasped at the sword against his neck and went still. Turning slightly, he met Methos' eyes. Methos' sighed in relief when they appeared to be normal.
"Duncan..." he said softly.
"Go ahead. Do it, " the Scot replied, almost as quietly.
"What?! Do what?"
"Kill me."
"No! Why?!" With that Methos lowered the swords.
"Isn't that what you want? Isn't that what I deserve?"
"No Mac, never! I'm not like you Mac, I can't judge, and you have nothing to be judged for! My...my's life too complicated for me to stand judgement over anyone, let alone you. I could never kill you Duncan. Even if you wanted me to..." The implication was heavy. Duncan wanted to die, and Methos would do anything he could to stop that.
"I tried to kill you, Methos, and you're not the least bit angry." Duncan shook his head in confusion.
"That wasn't you Mac, and you know it, any more than the results of the Dark Quickening were your fault, and if you think you're going to hide behind that, you can think again."
"Fine. Whatever. I'm going home. It may not seem it, but being controlled by a demon takes a lot out of you."
Maybe Duncan had learnt from him after all, thought Methos, but hiding pain and confusion, emotions and feelings, behind sarcasm and bitting humour was not something he particularly wanted the younger man to know.
"Mac, wait, don't just leave. We have to talk about this," Methos tried.
"Methos, just leave me alone. Please. I need some space, I can't do this anymore. Just stay away. I-I tried to kill you. I might do it again!"
"Duncan! listen to me. Whatever was controlling you has left. You didn't kill anyone."
"No, but I wanted to kill you. More than I've ever wanted to kill anyone. I enjoyed it!"
"It was the demon's control", Methos replied, using Duncan's word, "you couldn't stop it."
"Maybe I could have. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. But I wanted to kill."
"It was tempation, Duncan..."
"Maybe... But, the question is, did I give in? Could I have stopped it?! All I know is that I didn't want to! For one brief minute my life had control back, had it's meaning and purpose. I knew what to do and who I was."
"No, you didn't. It's just tempation. You're stronger than that!"
"Am I? Am I really?"
He left the two men to stare sadly after him.
The desperation in his friend's voice tore at Methos, but there was nothing he could do...for now.
"Well", began Joe, "I guess Mac's back to normal."
"That's not normal Joe, even for Mac. You know it, I know, and Duncan knows it."
Joe sighed, unsure how to continue.
"Methos, I...What we did...What I did..."
"Joe, it's ok, it's over. Like I said to Duncan, it wasn't you. I would like to know what it was, though..."
"It was...It was like a little voice in my head, telling me what to do, what to say, what to think. I knew it was wrong but it just seemed right, seemed to make sense. Then it gave me my legs back...I'm only human, Methos."
"Aren't we all, Joe?"
"Do you know what it was?"
"No, I'm afraid I don't. We need to talk about this some more.."
"Let's go to the bar. We can't stay here."
"What about the other Watchers?" Methos asked as they slowly made their way to 'Joe's'.
"They're back to normal. I checked on then while waiting for you two to rejoin the land of the living. They're confused, scared, but normal. I don't think many of them actually remember much.
"And you...?"
"I'll live. It's all a bit hazy for me as well. Damn, those legs did feel good though."
"It's all about choices Joe. Choices and temptation."
"Temptation? As in the devil...?"
"The Devil doesn't exist Joe. However, a devil or a demon..." Methos could hear a very, very small bell begin to ring slightly. If only he knew more about devils.
"More than one?"
"Duncan called it a demon, and he was under a lot more influence than you were. He may have some better idea of what this thing was. Besides, there's often some reality to all myths, Joe. I don't believe in a God and a Devil - that's too simple, and the Christians just used it orginally to control people and to introduce guilt and sin. I do think there are sources of good and evil, opposite forces, creating a balances. There's too many stories in too many cultures for it to be completely wrong."
"And you think this thing was some kind of evil spirit, controlling us."
"It's possible. There was definately some very strong control, over mind and body. And whatever was in Mac - in his eyes - I've never seen him look so evil, even during that Dark Quickening."
"Yeah, but that was him, a part of him..."
"There was absolutely nothing about Duncan MacLeod in that man I fought last night. However, you are right about the quickening. Forces you see, opposites, even in people."
"Even in Mac, as honourable and good as he is?"
"Even Mac. Think about it, he's a killer. He may only kill when he has to, but he's a very good killer. There has to be something in him, some part of him, that allows him to do that. I'm not saying Duncan's not a good man, he is, one of the best. But even he could be tempted. By meaning, by purpose, by the killing instinct that is in all Immortals. I'm just saying I guess, that he's only human, we all are..."
"Even you. Mac still wants you to be above everyone else, doesn't he? The great, wise, 5000 year old man?"
"Yeah, he does, and I'm not. I've made mistakes..."
"Like Richie?"
"One of a 1000 regrets, my friend."
"Sound pretty wise to me, Old Man," Joe replied, easing the tension a little.
"Well, I have had time to practice!" Methos joked back.
Soon they were back at 'Joe's'.
"I think we both need a drink."
"Joe, you know I'd normally be the first to agree with you, but are you sure that's such a good idea?" Methos replied, tinking of the last time he'd seen Joe, before last night.
"Maybe you're right. Ok, orange juice for now."
"OJ would be great, Joe."
"Methos, I'm really, truely sorry for the way I treated you. I had no right. I know Richie wasn't your fault."
"Well, maybe a little Joe, and I don't blame you for being angry. I was just worried about you. I don't have many people who I can call friend. You're one of them." Methos wondered if he would still be able to call Joe a friend if the other man knew not only what he was but who he'd been. His own dark side. But he'd changed, hadn't he? That wasn't him any more.
Joe heard the unspoken addition in Methos' words. Duncan Macleod was also one of them, or so both men had thought, until recently.
"I think what happened yesterday made me realise how important you are
to me, and what my priorities are. I don't want to lose you as a friend either."
"And the legs...?"
"It was surreal. Suddenly there was this little voice in my head
telling me how the Watchers could be in control, could show Immortals how important they are. I just seemed to make sense to one part of me, while I knew it was wrong, I found it impossible to resist. Then suddenly I had legs again, and the voice told me it was a gift and to think of the rewards if I worked with him. It told me to meet with the other Watchers. I got there and they were talking about Mac, and Amanda, and getting Mac to kill for them. I told them about you, Methos. Said you were the most powerful. They said we should use you, so we did, well, we tried. If you hadn't got away, and if you hadn't had that dagger..."
"Joe, it's over. It's not your fault. The most important thing now is to find out what happened, and why, and make sure it can't happen again. As for the Watchers knowing who I am, you said they don't remember much. Think you can convince them it was all a mistake?"
"I'll try. Although my memory has returned a bit."
"Hmm, maybe a bit of hpynosis...?"
"Methos, don't do anything stupid."
"Stupid, me? You forget that I'm the all-wise 5000 year old man!"
"You make it sound like some circus freak-attraction."
"Yeah? Well, you have to wonder sometimes."
Suddenly Methos remembered something.
"Oh my gods, Amanda! I nearly forgot about Amanda! Is she OK?!"
Joe smiled indulently. "Don't worry, I would have told you if she wasn't. She escaped while you were fighting. Once a thief... I phoned her while doing my bed-side vigil bit. She was shaken, but I think she's OK. Actually she took it all rather well. Believed me when I said it was something wierd in my mind and that it was over. So, you two have gotten pretty close lately? She asked about you and said something about calling you at the usual time tomorrow."
Joe never could resist a good bit of gossip, especially considering how hostile the two Immortals been been previously.
Methos smiled. He was pleased Amanda was fine and extrodinarily pleased that she had asked after him. He realised that he and Amanda had gotten rather close in the past week. It was good to know that at least one other Immortal was still talking to him!
"Well..." he began in answer to Joe's questioning looks.
"Let's just say we've found common ground and have been working together this past week."
"Since you arrived back in town."
"Would you believe that she was the only one I could turn to
after...well, when I arrived," he continued, with a smile, not wanting to hurt Joe. He knew the mortal was remembering the circumstances leading to that situation.
"Not in a million years. And now...?"
Methos just smiled, deciding to play the enigmatic 5000-year old Immortal.
Joe just threw up his hands in digust.
"Ok, ok", he replied, "But we Watchers have our ways you know."
Methos laughed, glad for some futher relief, and wondered how Joe would react if he knew the only thing he and Amanda did intimately was discuss MacLeod. Amanda still had some kind of match-making scheme up her sleave. Ahh, the optimism of the young.
"It's not the only strange thing that's been going on lately," he continued, appreciating having Joe back. Maybe they could do with the help.
Joe looked concerned.
"What's been going on, Methos? Is it linked to last night?"
"I believe so. There's been unnatural disruption in the Watchers for weeks, particularly with a focus on Mac. I felt it, a sense of something about to happen. Last night may be only the start. Then, a week ago, a couple of days after I visited you and mac, I met with Amanda. At first it was to try to get her to get Mac to talk to me. But then I apparantly had some kind of collapse, Amanda found me. I couldn't remember hardly anything when I woke up, but she said it was like I was delusional. You know how unusal that is in Immortals Joe. Since then we've been trying to get to the bottom of things." He didn't tell Joe about the other part of their conversation, the part involving Duncan.
"Need a hand with research?"
"Always". Yep, it was really good to have Joe back and was pleased his friend was beginning to feel useful. Now, if only they could do the same with Duncan. Get him to be a champion to save the world, like he always wanted to, and maybe he'd begin to feel more like himself again.
Methos' body defied nature once more. The heart began to beat, blood to pump, air to rush back in to the lungs. Methos awoke from the dead. Groaning he slowly stood. It was light, not long after dawn, if he was still any judge of telling the time by the sun. It was amazing how ordinary the place looked in the cold, stark light of day. Gone was the eariness and shadows of the night before. Glancing sideways he noticed Mac still slumped a couple of metres away from him. His wounds had healed but he was still dead to the world - literally. Giving a sigh of relief, Methos collected both the swords. Then he heard a rustle and faint footsteps. Someone was coming. Pulling out his gun, Methos turned to face the intruder.
"Adam. Don't shoot, it's me! Are you ok?"
It was Joe. Thanks Gods, it was Joe. Joe, calling him Adam again...Joe, walking with a cane...
Maybe his plan had worked after all. Huh, some plan - don't get killed! Didn't that just say it all, he mused.
"Joe," he croaked.
The Watcher came nearer, and Methos could see the stress on his face, the weariness in his eyes. He wasn't getting any younger...
"Adam, thank God you're both alright!"
"Joe, I...I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?! I'm sorry. I don't know what...I...It..."
"Joe, it's alright. I know."
Joe sighed.
"What about Mac?"
"We wait for him to wake up, then we'll see, I guess."
"You think it's gone...whatever it was?" Joe asked, shuddering.
"I honestly don't know. But signs are hopeful, aren't they?" He looked pointedly at Joe's legs.
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Joe, does this mean...? I mean, are we? Have you?"
"Are we friends again? Yep, if you'll have me. I think I just needed a shock. Some shock, though, huh? Puts things in perspective. I realise that there was nothing you could have done. It still hurts, but I don't want to loose two friends instead of one."
"Thanks Joe. That means a lot. Really, it does."
"What about Mac? Think he'll feel the same way?"
Methos shugged. Who knew?
"Well, he obviously took it more personally than you did. And, then, I...Well, let's just say I probably made things a whole lot worse."
Joe just raised his eyebrows. Methos sighed.
"Maybe another time, Joe. Here, take the gun, just in case. Mac's starting to wake up," he replied feeling the tell-tale buzz getting stronger. He grabbed both swords, placing one by Duncan's chest and the other next to his neck. He wasn't taking any chances.
Slowly Duncan's eyes fluttered open. He gasped at the sword against his neck and went still. Turning slightly, he met Methos' eyes. Methos' sighed in relief when they appeared to be normal.
"Duncan..." he said softly.
"Go ahead. Do it, " the Scot replied, almost as quietly.
"What?! Do what?"
"Kill me."
"No! Why?!" With that Methos lowered the swords.
"Isn't that what you want? Isn't that what I deserve?"
"No Mac, never! I'm not like you Mac, I can't judge, and you have nothing to be judged for! My...my's life too complicated for me to stand judgement over anyone, let alone you. I could never kill you Duncan. Even if you wanted me to..." The implication was heavy. Duncan wanted to die, and Methos would do anything he could to stop that.
"I tried to kill you, Methos, and you're not the least bit angry." Duncan shook his head in confusion.
"That wasn't you Mac, and you know it, any more than the results of the Dark Quickening were your fault, and if you think you're going to hide behind that, you can think again."
"Fine. Whatever. I'm going home. It may not seem it, but being controlled by a demon takes a lot out of you."
Maybe Duncan had learnt from him after all, thought Methos, but hiding pain and confusion, emotions and feelings, behind sarcasm and bitting humour was not something he particularly wanted the younger man to know.
"Mac, wait, don't just leave. We have to talk about this," Methos tried.
"Methos, just leave me alone. Please. I need some space, I can't do this anymore. Just stay away. I-I tried to kill you. I might do it again!"
"Duncan! listen to me. Whatever was controlling you has left. You didn't kill anyone."
"No, but I wanted to kill you. More than I've ever wanted to kill anyone. I enjoyed it!"
"It was the demon's control", Methos replied, using Duncan's word, "you couldn't stop it."
"Maybe I could have. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. But I wanted to kill."
"It was tempation, Duncan..."
"Maybe... But, the question is, did I give in? Could I have stopped it?! All I know is that I didn't want to! For one brief minute my life had control back, had it's meaning and purpose. I knew what to do and who I was."
"No, you didn't. It's just tempation. You're stronger than that!"
"Am I? Am I really?"
He left the two men to stare sadly after him.
The desperation in his friend's voice tore at Methos, but there was nothing he could do...for now.
"Well", began Joe, "I guess Mac's back to normal."
"That's not normal Joe, even for Mac. You know it, I know, and Duncan knows it."
Joe sighed, unsure how to continue.
"Methos, I...What we did...What I did..."
"Joe, it's ok, it's over. Like I said to Duncan, it wasn't you. I would like to know what it was, though..."
"It was...It was like a little voice in my head, telling me what to do, what to say, what to think. I knew it was wrong but it just seemed right, seemed to make sense. Then it gave me my legs back...I'm only human, Methos."
"Aren't we all, Joe?"
"Do you know what it was?"
"No, I'm afraid I don't. We need to talk about this some more.."
"Let's go to the bar. We can't stay here."
"What about the other Watchers?" Methos asked as they slowly made their way to 'Joe's'.
"They're back to normal. I checked on then while waiting for you two to rejoin the land of the living. They're confused, scared, but normal. I don't think many of them actually remember much.
"And you...?"
"I'll live. It's all a bit hazy for me as well. Damn, those legs did feel good though."
"It's all about choices Joe. Choices and temptation."
"Temptation? As in the devil...?"
"The Devil doesn't exist Joe. However, a devil or a demon..." Methos could hear a very, very small bell begin to ring slightly. If only he knew more about devils.
"More than one?"
"Duncan called it a demon, and he was under a lot more influence than you were. He may have some better idea of what this thing was. Besides, there's often some reality to all myths, Joe. I don't believe in a God and a Devil - that's too simple, and the Christians just used it orginally to control people and to introduce guilt and sin. I do think there are sources of good and evil, opposite forces, creating a balances. There's too many stories in too many cultures for it to be completely wrong."
"And you think this thing was some kind of evil spirit, controlling us."
"It's possible. There was definately some very strong control, over mind and body. And whatever was in Mac - in his eyes - I've never seen him look so evil, even during that Dark Quickening."
"Yeah, but that was him, a part of him..."
"There was absolutely nothing about Duncan MacLeod in that man I fought last night. However, you are right about the quickening. Forces you see, opposites, even in people."
"Even in Mac, as honourable and good as he is?"
"Even Mac. Think about it, he's a killer. He may only kill when he has to, but he's a very good killer. There has to be something in him, some part of him, that allows him to do that. I'm not saying Duncan's not a good man, he is, one of the best. But even he could be tempted. By meaning, by purpose, by the killing instinct that is in all Immortals. I'm just saying I guess, that he's only human, we all are..."
"Even you. Mac still wants you to be above everyone else, doesn't he? The great, wise, 5000 year old man?"
"Yeah, he does, and I'm not. I've made mistakes..."
"Like Richie?"
"One of a 1000 regrets, my friend."
"Sound pretty wise to me, Old Man," Joe replied, easing the tension a little.
"Well, I have had time to practice!" Methos joked back.
Soon they were back at 'Joe's'.
"I think we both need a drink."
"Joe, you know I'd normally be the first to agree with you, but are you sure that's such a good idea?" Methos replied, tinking of the last time he'd seen Joe, before last night.
"Maybe you're right. Ok, orange juice for now."
"OJ would be great, Joe."
"Methos, I'm really, truely sorry for the way I treated you. I had no right. I know Richie wasn't your fault."
"Well, maybe a little Joe, and I don't blame you for being angry. I was just worried about you. I don't have many people who I can call friend. You're one of them." Methos wondered if he would still be able to call Joe a friend if the other man knew not only what he was but who he'd been. His own dark side. But he'd changed, hadn't he? That wasn't him any more.
Joe heard the unspoken addition in Methos' words. Duncan Macleod was also one of them, or so both men had thought, until recently.
"I think what happened yesterday made me realise how important you are
to me, and what my priorities are. I don't want to lose you as a friend either."
"And the legs...?"
"It was surreal. Suddenly there was this little voice in my head
telling me how the Watchers could be in control, could show Immortals how important they are. I just seemed to make sense to one part of me, while I knew it was wrong, I found it impossible to resist. Then suddenly I had legs again, and the voice told me it was a gift and to think of the rewards if I worked with him. It told me to meet with the other Watchers. I got there and they were talking about Mac, and Amanda, and getting Mac to kill for them. I told them about you, Methos. Said you were the most powerful. They said we should use you, so we did, well, we tried. If you hadn't got away, and if you hadn't had that dagger..."
"Joe, it's over. It's not your fault. The most important thing now is to find out what happened, and why, and make sure it can't happen again. As for the Watchers knowing who I am, you said they don't remember much. Think you can convince them it was all a mistake?"
"I'll try. Although my memory has returned a bit."
"Hmm, maybe a bit of hpynosis...?"
"Methos, don't do anything stupid."
"Stupid, me? You forget that I'm the all-wise 5000 year old man!"
"You make it sound like some circus freak-attraction."
"Yeah? Well, you have to wonder sometimes."
Suddenly Methos remembered something.
"Oh my gods, Amanda! I nearly forgot about Amanda! Is she OK?!"
Joe smiled indulently. "Don't worry, I would have told you if she wasn't. She escaped while you were fighting. Once a thief... I phoned her while doing my bed-side vigil bit. She was shaken, but I think she's OK. Actually she took it all rather well. Believed me when I said it was something wierd in my mind and that it was over. So, you two have gotten pretty close lately? She asked about you and said something about calling you at the usual time tomorrow."
Joe never could resist a good bit of gossip, especially considering how hostile the two Immortals been been previously.
Methos smiled. He was pleased Amanda was fine and extrodinarily pleased that she had asked after him. He realised that he and Amanda had gotten rather close in the past week. It was good to know that at least one other Immortal was still talking to him!
"Well..." he began in answer to Joe's questioning looks.
"Let's just say we've found common ground and have been working together this past week."
"Since you arrived back in town."
"Would you believe that she was the only one I could turn to
after...well, when I arrived," he continued, with a smile, not wanting to hurt Joe. He knew the mortal was remembering the circumstances leading to that situation.
"Not in a million years. And now...?"
Methos just smiled, deciding to play the enigmatic 5000-year old Immortal.
Joe just threw up his hands in digust.
"Ok, ok", he replied, "But we Watchers have our ways you know."
Methos laughed, glad for some futher relief, and wondered how Joe would react if he knew the only thing he and Amanda did intimately was discuss MacLeod. Amanda still had some kind of match-making scheme up her sleave. Ahh, the optimism of the young.
"It's not the only strange thing that's been going on lately," he continued, appreciating having Joe back. Maybe they could do with the help.
Joe looked concerned.
"What's been going on, Methos? Is it linked to last night?"
"I believe so. There's been unnatural disruption in the Watchers for weeks, particularly with a focus on Mac. I felt it, a sense of something about to happen. Last night may be only the start. Then, a week ago, a couple of days after I visited you and mac, I met with Amanda. At first it was to try to get her to get Mac to talk to me. But then I apparantly had some kind of collapse, Amanda found me. I couldn't remember hardly anything when I woke up, but she said it was like I was delusional. You know how unusal that is in Immortals Joe. Since then we've been trying to get to the bottom of things." He didn't tell Joe about the other part of their conversation, the part involving Duncan.
"Need a hand with research?"
"Always". Yep, it was really good to have Joe back and was pleased his friend was beginning to feel useful. Now, if only they could do the same with Duncan. Get him to be a champion to save the world, like he always wanted to, and maybe he'd begin to feel more like himself again.