Chapter Twenty: Plans, pizza, and Personal Admissions
"Duncan", Methos murmured as he came to. Opening slowly, Methos eyes fixed on the person he wasn't sure he'd ever see again. Duncan gave him a small smile, and moved closer.
"Hello, Methos".
"Duncan, glad you could join the party, at last", he greeted, sitting up.
"Hmm, well I'm here now".
"I think we'll give you two some privacy", interjected Amanda, "Come on boys", she said, dragging Joe and Connor to their feet. Connor just caught Duncan's hopeless look in his direction. He smiled reassuringly.
"We'll just be outside", said the older Scot.
As they left Duncan turned back to Methos, unsure what to say. Whilst Methos was recovering, the others had brought Duncan up to date - fake Connors, Horsemen, Champions, the lot. He'd found it an amazing story, and now had an overwhelming feeling of respect and awe-ness towards Methos, as well as feeling incredibly sorry for him. How the man had ever survived what he had been through, he couldn't begin to imagine. And to believe that you were responsible for the death of millions, being controlled all the time...
"So, nice trip, Mac?" Methos inquired.
"Methos, I...you...What happened..."
"If you mean what happened in the loft, put it down to heat of the moment stuff, grief, intense emotions, that sort of thing. Just forget about it..."
Duncan nodded.
"Not just that. I mean - demons, Champions, Horsemen?! And Arhiman was
responsible for Richie's death? I don't know what to say Methos", Duncan continued, unable to meet his friend's eyes.
"Just say whatever's on your mind, Duncan. It's OK. No sarcasm, I promise. as for Richie, I guess so. He must of tricked him into thinking I was someone else, either to kill me or kill him. One way, I'm dead, the other you loose a good friend and it makes me suffer more as well as you", Methos replied gently.
"Either way, I would have lost a good friend", Duncan smiled. Surely it couldn't be that easy. Looking up, all Duncan could see in Methos' eyes were respect and the open warmth of friendship. No hardness, no laughter, no hiding. It was very intense, and Duncan quickly broke the contact. Would this 5000 year-old enigma ever cease to amaze him, he wondered.
"How...how can you live with that knowledge, every day? Carry it with you, survive for so long?" he asked in wonderment.
"You'd be amazed at the will of the human spirit to keep living, if it really wanted to...I really wanted to, Mac. However much I felt like I wanted to die, and believe me I did, there was always some part that wouldn't let me. I was addicted to life. I still am. It fascinates it, it scares me, but I can't do without it. I spent 1000 years with the horsemen, coming to believe in the right of what we were doing. Kronos could be very persuasive. As I know now, he had a very good teacher. After I came to my senses I was imprisoned by the horror of what I had done. I felt I deserved to die, but that it was too easy. My addiction and my guilt wouldn't let me end it. But the guilt and the horror also
wouldn't let me live. I spent years as a doctor attempting to save lives to make up for those I'd taken. I spent years as a virtual recluse, scared of what would happen to the people around me. Until I met you. You drew me back into living. Joe helped, he also accepted me. But my addiction to you was almost as strong as my addiction to life. You didn't hide from anyone or anything, and were always so strong in your beliefs, and in the things that mattered to you, like your friends."
Duncan sat listening in stunned silence. He had never heard such honesty from the Old Man, it was like looking into the ancient Immortal's soul.
"Yet you still implored me to stop being so open, so easy to trust, so
moralistic", Duncan couldn't help but ask, after a minute.
"I guess I was scared for you. As much as I admired you for those qualities, I thought they would be your downfall. I found myself wanting to protect you, caring more about your life than my own. I tell you, it scared me half to death. I always had a defence mechanism, an image to hide behind so that people would like me. I never thought they would like the real me. Until you persisted in trying to get to know the real me. Old habits are hard to break, Mac."
Duncan just nodded.
"Why couldn't you just tell me? Maybe I..."
"Maybe you could have helped me?" asked Methos with a grin.
"Oh, maybe you could have, but I thought you would just turn away, and I couldn't loose you. I couldn't imagine someone so moralistic as you condoning the senseless slaughter of millions of innocent people, and being friends with the man who had carried it all out, who had enjoyed it all, at the time. Even if he had changed, or at least, hoped he had".
"I guess you're right. But, to go through all that on your own, I just can't imagine it."
"I pray you never can, Mac, I really do."
"And now, now that you know it was Ahriman?"
"Well part of me is relieved, relieved it wasn't really me, that I'm not a total monster. The other feels cheated, out of all those years, and wants nothing better than to kill Ahriman slowly, painfully, over and over again. It seems such a total waste, he killed them all to punish me...Maybe it was my fault anyway..."
"No! It's his nature. He's pure evil. There was nothing you could do. Don't blame yourself anymore."
"I thought it would be easier now I know, but it doesn't excuse the deaths, and now I just feel more grief at it all".
"We'll defeat him, Methos, trust me!"
"I think you're the only one I do fully trust Mac. I'd trust you with my life, you know", Methos replied with such openness that Duncan felt like he was faced with a child. It was a shock to see Methos act like this, but he felt honoured that the old man had opened up. He just wished there was something he could do to help him. Thinking of nothing else to do, Duncan gathered the other man in his arms, holding him a fierce, reassuring hug. Methos just let himself be held, gaining strength from the other man, delighted that the Scot was back in his
life. It was like this that the other three found them when they returned minutes later.
"Well, now that we're all friends again can we get back to business?" asked Connor, breaking up the scene, but he too had a smile on his face.
"Oh, sure", replied Methos, sheepishly.
'Methos - looking sheepish!' thought Amanda, trying to suppress a giggle.
Duncan suddenly looked serious.
"Ok, so this demon has come after us four times now. His managed to get inside Methos' head, probably through his previous control over him, and he managed to exert great influence over me. He's capable of projecting images - very real images, and was always given away by his red eyes. He's got some power over some of the Watchers, and now it seems he's capable of reproducing real people - their memories and personality included..."
"It was like a copy, but with subtle differences", remarked Methos. Seconds after the fake Connor had been shot, the body had crumpled into ashes. It seemed that killing the body was enough to stop the basic control, but, although controlled by Arhiman, it obviously wasn't the demon himself. The final battle was still to come.
"If he can do that, how can we trust anyone?!" asked Joe.
"I guess we just have to be careful. Trust each other, and I suggest we all do everything in two's from now on. That way we can keep an eye on each other, for protection and anything else...", replied Methos.
"Good idea. Um, Connor and I can stay at Duncan's, and Methos, why don't you stay with Joe?" Amanda suggested. The others nodded agreement.
"Great - free beer at any time!" remarked Methos.
"Ha, like you don't already get that staying at mine!" replied Duncan with a grin.
"Sorry Mac, but draft beer beats any bottled stuff - even your expensive brands", Methos laughed.
Now that Duncan was back with them and seemed to be his old self, everyone was more confident. If they tried hard, they could almost forget about the danger they were in and just imagine that they were a group of friends getting together and enjoying each other's company. Of course, Connor, having seen Duncan at the cabin, was still worried about his former student. The change in Duncan was just a little too easy and he hoped that Duncan wasn't putting on a front because
there was a danger. Of course, that meant that Duncan did care about his friends again and about his responsibilities, but he hoped it wouldn't backfire and that Duncan would remember and follow the advice he'd given him earlier.
Methos, being Methos, was also still worried about his friend. He believed that their talk had helped him, had helped both of them in fact. It had cost him a lot to be that open with Mac, he wasn't used to it, but he was surprised at how easy he had found it once he began. He knew that Mac needed that from him, and it seemed that he had needed it as well. He just hoped it was that easy! Of course they still had a demon who was the manifestation of evil itself to defeat, but, all in a day's work!
"We also have to be careful about the Watchers. There was some questioning about Duncan for a few weeks after the last incident with them, but they've been pretty quiet recently. I can't help thinking that there is still trouble there, though. It would be the perfect place to incite some revolts and get inside information on the Immortals. Ahriman could really cause some damage, and we can't really just go around shooting them all on the off chance!"
"True, we need to be extra vigilant."
"And I'm supposed to defeat him, as the Champion? How?!"
"I don't really know. It...it just kind of happens. I was never meant to be the Champion. I found that out afterwards. The Champion had been killed by a rouge Immortal a year earlier..."
"Are they always Immortals?"
"Oh yes. I guess the game is just training for this for some of us. It was unlike any fight I'd ever fought, or have ever fought since. It seemed to go on forever, and I had to use every instinct not to let him get under my guard. In the end it was too much, he killed me. When I awoke I could remember very little. Soon after I keep hearing about wars breaking out everywhere, civil uprising, that sort of thing. Some time after that, I was recruited to the Horsemen. I wasn't given a choice, but soon found myself to be enjoying the power whilst despising the killing at the same time. I couldn't stop though. Not until something snapped and I was able to break away, those 1000 years tainting me for ever more..."
"So can we ever defeat him?"
"You have to have faith, highlander. Your faith, our faith in you, and your honour and goodness will help us defeat this thing".
Mouths agape once again, Joe and Amanda double-checked to make sure the Old Man wasn't about to break into laughter. It was almost too corny, and not the sort of thing they were used to hearing from the cynical Methos. Duncan, however, realising how honest their friend was being, and having some idea of how hard it was for Methos to be open, yet how important it was, just smiled.
"Right now, you are our best chance. Your memories will make sure all that suffering wasn't entirely for nothing".
"No, you're our best chance, Mac, without your integrity, we've already lost. He can get to me, even Connor, Joe and Amanda, but he is trying to weaken you first so that when the moment comes, you won't have the will to fight your best - body and soul."
"Together, then?"
"Together" Methos agreed.
"Come on, guys, this is starting to turn into a Hollywood script. I thought this was a council of war!" Joe remarked with a grin.
"Hey, you didn't think all that was for the good of my health, did ya, Joe" Methos replied, back to this usual wisecracking, sarcastic self.
"If I had a tenth of your health worries, Methos, I would die happy", Joe replied.
"If at all", Amanda remarked.
"How can we seek him out, then?" Duncan asked.
"You can't. When it's time, you'll know. In the meantime, we have to stop him amounting any other power and from distracting you. Our friendship is your greatest weakness, but also your greatest strength. He will try to use us against you again. We must use it against him."
"So, we wait?!"
"Yep, we wait. Now, who wants pizza?"
Although he still always doubted it until the moment came, Methos realised that in times of trouble, the human spirit always increased in strength and the effort to life as normally as possibly was doubled. So it was even with Immortals. Having nothing to do for the moment, the group of friends attempted to act 'normally' for a time.
"Duncan", Methos murmured as he came to. Opening slowly, Methos eyes fixed on the person he wasn't sure he'd ever see again. Duncan gave him a small smile, and moved closer.
"Hello, Methos".
"Duncan, glad you could join the party, at last", he greeted, sitting up.
"Hmm, well I'm here now".
"I think we'll give you two some privacy", interjected Amanda, "Come on boys", she said, dragging Joe and Connor to their feet. Connor just caught Duncan's hopeless look in his direction. He smiled reassuringly.
"We'll just be outside", said the older Scot.
As they left Duncan turned back to Methos, unsure what to say. Whilst Methos was recovering, the others had brought Duncan up to date - fake Connors, Horsemen, Champions, the lot. He'd found it an amazing story, and now had an overwhelming feeling of respect and awe-ness towards Methos, as well as feeling incredibly sorry for him. How the man had ever survived what he had been through, he couldn't begin to imagine. And to believe that you were responsible for the death of millions, being controlled all the time...
"So, nice trip, Mac?" Methos inquired.
"Methos, I...you...What happened..."
"If you mean what happened in the loft, put it down to heat of the moment stuff, grief, intense emotions, that sort of thing. Just forget about it..."
Duncan nodded.
"Not just that. I mean - demons, Champions, Horsemen?! And Arhiman was
responsible for Richie's death? I don't know what to say Methos", Duncan continued, unable to meet his friend's eyes.
"Just say whatever's on your mind, Duncan. It's OK. No sarcasm, I promise. as for Richie, I guess so. He must of tricked him into thinking I was someone else, either to kill me or kill him. One way, I'm dead, the other you loose a good friend and it makes me suffer more as well as you", Methos replied gently.
"Either way, I would have lost a good friend", Duncan smiled. Surely it couldn't be that easy. Looking up, all Duncan could see in Methos' eyes were respect and the open warmth of friendship. No hardness, no laughter, no hiding. It was very intense, and Duncan quickly broke the contact. Would this 5000 year-old enigma ever cease to amaze him, he wondered.
"How...how can you live with that knowledge, every day? Carry it with you, survive for so long?" he asked in wonderment.
"You'd be amazed at the will of the human spirit to keep living, if it really wanted to...I really wanted to, Mac. However much I felt like I wanted to die, and believe me I did, there was always some part that wouldn't let me. I was addicted to life. I still am. It fascinates it, it scares me, but I can't do without it. I spent 1000 years with the horsemen, coming to believe in the right of what we were doing. Kronos could be very persuasive. As I know now, he had a very good teacher. After I came to my senses I was imprisoned by the horror of what I had done. I felt I deserved to die, but that it was too easy. My addiction and my guilt wouldn't let me end it. But the guilt and the horror also
wouldn't let me live. I spent years as a doctor attempting to save lives to make up for those I'd taken. I spent years as a virtual recluse, scared of what would happen to the people around me. Until I met you. You drew me back into living. Joe helped, he also accepted me. But my addiction to you was almost as strong as my addiction to life. You didn't hide from anyone or anything, and were always so strong in your beliefs, and in the things that mattered to you, like your friends."
Duncan sat listening in stunned silence. He had never heard such honesty from the Old Man, it was like looking into the ancient Immortal's soul.
"Yet you still implored me to stop being so open, so easy to trust, so
moralistic", Duncan couldn't help but ask, after a minute.
"I guess I was scared for you. As much as I admired you for those qualities, I thought they would be your downfall. I found myself wanting to protect you, caring more about your life than my own. I tell you, it scared me half to death. I always had a defence mechanism, an image to hide behind so that people would like me. I never thought they would like the real me. Until you persisted in trying to get to know the real me. Old habits are hard to break, Mac."
Duncan just nodded.
"Why couldn't you just tell me? Maybe I..."
"Maybe you could have helped me?" asked Methos with a grin.
"Oh, maybe you could have, but I thought you would just turn away, and I couldn't loose you. I couldn't imagine someone so moralistic as you condoning the senseless slaughter of millions of innocent people, and being friends with the man who had carried it all out, who had enjoyed it all, at the time. Even if he had changed, or at least, hoped he had".
"I guess you're right. But, to go through all that on your own, I just can't imagine it."
"I pray you never can, Mac, I really do."
"And now, now that you know it was Ahriman?"
"Well part of me is relieved, relieved it wasn't really me, that I'm not a total monster. The other feels cheated, out of all those years, and wants nothing better than to kill Ahriman slowly, painfully, over and over again. It seems such a total waste, he killed them all to punish me...Maybe it was my fault anyway..."
"No! It's his nature. He's pure evil. There was nothing you could do. Don't blame yourself anymore."
"I thought it would be easier now I know, but it doesn't excuse the deaths, and now I just feel more grief at it all".
"We'll defeat him, Methos, trust me!"
"I think you're the only one I do fully trust Mac. I'd trust you with my life, you know", Methos replied with such openness that Duncan felt like he was faced with a child. It was a shock to see Methos act like this, but he felt honoured that the old man had opened up. He just wished there was something he could do to help him. Thinking of nothing else to do, Duncan gathered the other man in his arms, holding him a fierce, reassuring hug. Methos just let himself be held, gaining strength from the other man, delighted that the Scot was back in his
life. It was like this that the other three found them when they returned minutes later.
"Well, now that we're all friends again can we get back to business?" asked Connor, breaking up the scene, but he too had a smile on his face.
"Oh, sure", replied Methos, sheepishly.
'Methos - looking sheepish!' thought Amanda, trying to suppress a giggle.
Duncan suddenly looked serious.
"Ok, so this demon has come after us four times now. His managed to get inside Methos' head, probably through his previous control over him, and he managed to exert great influence over me. He's capable of projecting images - very real images, and was always given away by his red eyes. He's got some power over some of the Watchers, and now it seems he's capable of reproducing real people - their memories and personality included..."
"It was like a copy, but with subtle differences", remarked Methos. Seconds after the fake Connor had been shot, the body had crumpled into ashes. It seemed that killing the body was enough to stop the basic control, but, although controlled by Arhiman, it obviously wasn't the demon himself. The final battle was still to come.
"If he can do that, how can we trust anyone?!" asked Joe.
"I guess we just have to be careful. Trust each other, and I suggest we all do everything in two's from now on. That way we can keep an eye on each other, for protection and anything else...", replied Methos.
"Good idea. Um, Connor and I can stay at Duncan's, and Methos, why don't you stay with Joe?" Amanda suggested. The others nodded agreement.
"Great - free beer at any time!" remarked Methos.
"Ha, like you don't already get that staying at mine!" replied Duncan with a grin.
"Sorry Mac, but draft beer beats any bottled stuff - even your expensive brands", Methos laughed.
Now that Duncan was back with them and seemed to be his old self, everyone was more confident. If they tried hard, they could almost forget about the danger they were in and just imagine that they were a group of friends getting together and enjoying each other's company. Of course, Connor, having seen Duncan at the cabin, was still worried about his former student. The change in Duncan was just a little too easy and he hoped that Duncan wasn't putting on a front because
there was a danger. Of course, that meant that Duncan did care about his friends again and about his responsibilities, but he hoped it wouldn't backfire and that Duncan would remember and follow the advice he'd given him earlier.
Methos, being Methos, was also still worried about his friend. He believed that their talk had helped him, had helped both of them in fact. It had cost him a lot to be that open with Mac, he wasn't used to it, but he was surprised at how easy he had found it once he began. He knew that Mac needed that from him, and it seemed that he had needed it as well. He just hoped it was that easy! Of course they still had a demon who was the manifestation of evil itself to defeat, but, all in a day's work!
"We also have to be careful about the Watchers. There was some questioning about Duncan for a few weeks after the last incident with them, but they've been pretty quiet recently. I can't help thinking that there is still trouble there, though. It would be the perfect place to incite some revolts and get inside information on the Immortals. Ahriman could really cause some damage, and we can't really just go around shooting them all on the off chance!"
"True, we need to be extra vigilant."
"And I'm supposed to defeat him, as the Champion? How?!"
"I don't really know. It...it just kind of happens. I was never meant to be the Champion. I found that out afterwards. The Champion had been killed by a rouge Immortal a year earlier..."
"Are they always Immortals?"
"Oh yes. I guess the game is just training for this for some of us. It was unlike any fight I'd ever fought, or have ever fought since. It seemed to go on forever, and I had to use every instinct not to let him get under my guard. In the end it was too much, he killed me. When I awoke I could remember very little. Soon after I keep hearing about wars breaking out everywhere, civil uprising, that sort of thing. Some time after that, I was recruited to the Horsemen. I wasn't given a choice, but soon found myself to be enjoying the power whilst despising the killing at the same time. I couldn't stop though. Not until something snapped and I was able to break away, those 1000 years tainting me for ever more..."
"So can we ever defeat him?"
"You have to have faith, highlander. Your faith, our faith in you, and your honour and goodness will help us defeat this thing".
Mouths agape once again, Joe and Amanda double-checked to make sure the Old Man wasn't about to break into laughter. It was almost too corny, and not the sort of thing they were used to hearing from the cynical Methos. Duncan, however, realising how honest their friend was being, and having some idea of how hard it was for Methos to be open, yet how important it was, just smiled.
"Right now, you are our best chance. Your memories will make sure all that suffering wasn't entirely for nothing".
"No, you're our best chance, Mac, without your integrity, we've already lost. He can get to me, even Connor, Joe and Amanda, but he is trying to weaken you first so that when the moment comes, you won't have the will to fight your best - body and soul."
"Together, then?"
"Together" Methos agreed.
"Come on, guys, this is starting to turn into a Hollywood script. I thought this was a council of war!" Joe remarked with a grin.
"Hey, you didn't think all that was for the good of my health, did ya, Joe" Methos replied, back to this usual wisecracking, sarcastic self.
"If I had a tenth of your health worries, Methos, I would die happy", Joe replied.
"If at all", Amanda remarked.
"How can we seek him out, then?" Duncan asked.
"You can't. When it's time, you'll know. In the meantime, we have to stop him amounting any other power and from distracting you. Our friendship is your greatest weakness, but also your greatest strength. He will try to use us against you again. We must use it against him."
"So, we wait?!"
"Yep, we wait. Now, who wants pizza?"
Although he still always doubted it until the moment came, Methos realised that in times of trouble, the human spirit always increased in strength and the effort to life as normally as possibly was doubled. So it was even with Immortals. Having nothing to do for the moment, the group of friends attempted to act 'normally' for a time.