Daisuke stood outside the door, dithering. He'd been standing there for about ten minutes now, trying to bring himself to knock on the door in front of him. Every now and then, he'd raise his hand to knock, and then chicken out before he could actually touch it, resuming his nervous fidgeting. Chibimon, held in the crook of one arm, had been dozing for most of the trip over here, but had woken up and was now starting to fidget also.

"Maybe I should just go," muttered Daisuke to himself. Chibimon stirred and looked up at him.

"And waste a trip over here?" said the little Digimon. "If you were planning on doing that, why couldn't we have stayed home, or gone to see Gatomon?"

"Well, I wasn't planning on it being this tough!" Daisuke kicked at the floor with one sneaker. "This is really hard. This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I gave myself too much time to think about this, if I'd just rushed into it, it wouldn't be this difficult."

"Don't be silly, Daisuke. It's easy! Watch!" Chibimon leaned over, almost out of Daisuke's grasp, and quickly rapped on the door with his paw. Daisuke pulled him back, but it was too late to stop him. Resuming his comfortable position in Daisuke's arms, Chibimon went back to pretending to be inanimate. A moment later, the door opened.

The woman's face that peered out seemed angry for just a moment. Or, perhaps it would be more accurate to say that she was prepared to be angry. Her expression cleared when she saw that it was just Daisuke, and the smile she offered was a little strained, but genuine.

"Can I help you?"

"Um, yeah," said Daisuke, uncomfortable and scratching his head to hide it. "Is this where Ichijouji Ken lives?"

The woman nodded. "Yes." She hesitated a moment, and then said in a slightly more excited tone, "Are you one of his friends?"

Was it unusual for Ken's friends to come over to visit? Daisuke didn't inquire. "Yeah. One of his friends. Is he home?"

"Yes, he's home. Come in. What a cute toy! I'll go check if he's up to seeing you, what's your name?"

"Motomiya Daisuke." Kicking off his shoes, Daisuke entered the apartment. Chibimon squirmed slightly in his arms, moving to a more comfortable position, but Mrs. Ichijouji was already on her way into the rear hallway, while Mr. Ichijouji was hidden behind a newspaper.

Soft door-knocking sounded from the rear of the apartment, followed by equally soft voices. Daisuke attempted to ignore this, looking around the apartment as if interested in the decorations.

"You're one of Ken's friends?" said Mr. Ichijouji suddenly.

"Yeah."

"Are you on his soccer team?"

"No," said Daisuke. "I go to Odaiba Elementary." There was an uncomfortable silence then, and the newspaper rattled a little as Mr. Ichijouji peered at him around the edge. Daisuke sensed that further explanation was required, and he had to think fast to make up a plausible lie about how he knew Ken. "My team played Ken's a few months ago. We practiced together some and emailed each other for awhile before he disappeared. I heard on the news that he was back home, so I figured I'd come see how he was doing." There, that sounded ... almost plausible. It was good enough for Mr. Ichijouji anyway. He went back to reading his newspaper.

Movement in the rear hallway. Ken looked around the corner into the room, his mother hovering behind. Daisuke felt Chibimon stiffen slightly, and he couldn't help stiffening himself, although he wasn't afraid of Ken. Not here in the real world anyway. He was simply surprised at how rough Ken looked.

Gone was the self-assured young man he'd faced in the fateful soccer match, beautiful and brilliant. Gone as well was the arrogant Digimon Kaizer. This Ken was pale, exceptionally so, and dark smudges marked the flesh under his eyes; he looked like he hadn't eaten or slept at all since the last time Daisuke had seen him, out in the desert next to the wreckage of the flying base. Yet this couldn't have been true. The dark blue eyes held a haunted quality, an indefinable, inarticulate pain that bled into the blue like a raw wound.

Ken stared blankly for a moment, and then his gaze dropped, first to Chibimon, then to the D-3 peeking out of Daisuke's pocket. He sounded deathly tired when he finally spoke.

"You're not planning on using that, are you?"

Daisuke shook his head. "No, I just came over to talk. You know, see how you've been."

Another moment of blank stare. Daisuke was starting to become uncomfortable again. This sort of behavior would have been alarming in anyone, but to see Ken reduced to this was especially disturbing. When the moment passed, Ken waved invitingly.

"Come on back."

Mrs. Ichijouji exchanged places with Daisuke, and he could hear her low voice in the front room as he followed Ken back to his bedroom. What she said was too low to hear, but Mr. Ichijouji's reply wasn't. "Just leave them alone. A friend is probably just what he needs."

Ken held the door politely open for Daisuke. Ken's room was very much like Ken himself, dark and closed-in, neatly ordered, and with the computer on its desk placed very prominently along one wall. When the door shut behind Daisuke, something moved up on the bed.

Wormmon's dark face peeked out over the covers. "Oooh, he really did come."

"Yes, he really did," said Ken. "Put your Digimon down, Daisuke. He and Wormmon can play or something. I'm sure Wormmon is tired of my company by now."

Wormmon slid down the bed's ladder with expert ease, wiggling over to snuggle Ken's ankle. "That's not true, Ken. I don't need anyone's company, except yours."

Crouching down, Ken stroked Wormmon's head. Daisuke couldn't quite shake the impression that he was looking at a completely different person from the Ken he'd known before. This wasn't just a change of heart, it was like Ken had swapped out his cruel Kaizer soul for a new one, one that had been slashed first with razor blades.

"I'm sorry, I know," Ken was saying. "But you'd like to play with Chibimon, wouldn't you?"

Wormmon agreed with this, and Chibimon had no objections, so Daisuke set his Digimon on the floor. The two Digimon soon settled down into a corner, chatting with each other like old friends in low tones that didn't disturb their human partners.

Daisuke took a moment to envy the effortless way Chibimon made friends with Wormmon, wishing it were that easy for him. He scratched his head and said, "So, uh, Ken. How have you been?" He suppressed a wince. How lame he sounded.

Ken pretended he hadn't heard. "Have a seat," he said. Daisuke looked around, and found that the computer chair was the only place to sit aside from the floor and the bed. He sank down into it. Ken kneeled down on the floor across from him, looking upward at him with shadowed blue eyes. Daisuke suppressed another wince, wishing he'd sat down on the floor also. Ken's eyes were beautiful, looking up at him, slightly wistful and filled with that inexpressible pain. Well, too late now.

He was attempting to think of another, undoubtedly equally lame thing to say when Ken saved him the effort. "I'm sorry, Daisuke."

Daisuke opened his mouth, something along the lines of "That's all right, don't worry about it" prepared to fly off his tongue. Insincere words, words he didn't mean. It wasn't all right. The things Ken had done were horrible. Ken interrupted the meaningless lie, saving Daisuke again.

"No, don't say anything. Hear me out." Ken looked up at him again, his eyes so dark a blue it was as if a little piece of the twilight sky had come to dwell there. "I had my reasons for what I did. They weren't very good reasons, though, and they don't even come close to excusing my actions. So I'm not going to bother asking you to understand. I can't ask you to forgive me, either. The Digimon don't, except for Wormmon, and he can't help himself. But I want you to know that I'm sorry."

"It was something to do with a brother, wasn't it?" said Daisuke. "You said something about that just before you left."

Ken nodded once, a sharp, controlled movement. "Something like that. I wasn't myself, I was babbling."

Hesitating a moment, Daisuke heard Chibimon's delighted giggle. He looked at the two Digimon, who were playing tag or something now. Chibimon had just pounced on Wormmon's back, and as Daisuke watched, the smaller Digimon leaped off and scrambled up onto the bed. Wormmon quickly followed though, hunting for Chibimon's hiding place among Ken's sheets. There were more giggles when Chibimon was found, and the two began to wrestle.

He looked back over at Ken, only to find the other boy also watching the Digimon, a faint smile on his face and something infinitely sad pushing the pain momentarily out his eyes. Daisuke wished one of the girls had come with him. He wasn't good at this talking thing.

"Um," he said, and then pondered what it was about him that made such stupid things come out of his mouth. He tried again. "Um, you want to talk about it?"

Ken's dark eyes found him again. "Why? Why would you care?" Harsh words, but they contained no malice. Ken's voice was soft, wondering.

Encouraged, Daisuke said, "Well, you know. Hikari says that sometimes it helps to talk things out. Taichi and Yamato say things work out better when you beat each other up, but I'm not in a beat-up-Ken mood today, and I'd kinda prefer if you didn't hit me."

The corner of Ken's lip twitched. "You're trying to make me feel better?"

"Well ... yeah." Daisuke shifted in his seat, then slid off it onto the floor. He couldn't stand looking down at Ken anymore. "I mean, you were pretty broken up when we last saw you. And I don't care what you think, you are Digi-Destined, just like the rest of us. I have a responsibility to my team." He grinned a little, but Ken did not seem to find this amusing.

"Yeah. Yeah, I was in bad shape. I'd just watched Wormmon die." He looked up at where Wormmon was stalking Chibimon around the pillows. "You didn't seem surprised to see him when you came in."

"I wasn't. Digimon never really die, I figured he'd been reborn and you'd found him again. I'm glad you did, by the way. If you'd come with us when I asked you to, we would have helped you find his Digi-egg."

"Really?" A shadow crossed Ken's features, but was gone again almost before Daisuke registered its presence. "That would have been ... nice ... of you." He was silent a moment before saying, "I thought I knew everything there was to know about the digital world. And it turns out I didn't know anything."

"I wouldn't say that."

Ken glanced over at him. "All of the important points seemed to have gone over my head. If I were playing a game on my Playstation, I wouldn't worry about whether or not I hurt the monsters in it. You wouldn't either. I never realized ..." His voice broke, and he trailed off into silence, turning to look at the wall so that Daisuke couldn't see his face. His shoulders trembled.

Wormmon and Chibimon had ceased their game and were peering over the edge of the bed at Daisuke. He gave Chibimon a "What?!?" look, but the little creature just gestured with one paw. Daisuke didn't read Digimon sign language, so he had to take a guess that Chibimon wanted him to comfort Ken somehow. Perfect. If someone had told him a week ago that he'd be trying to comfort the Kaizer today, he would have laughed in that person's face.

Meanwhile, Wormmon had slipped down the bed post again and was approaching Ken at a slow crawl. But at the last second, Wormmon backed away, gave Daisuke a soulful look, and then silently hid under the desk. It broke Daisuke's heart to see it - Wormmon was still afraid of Ken's moods.

"Look, um ..." he began, unsure of what was really expected of him here. "It wasn't your fault." It wasn't? No, it wasn't. Daisuke concluded on the spot that it wasn't.

"It was," sobbed Ken. "I did it all. Nobody made me do it, I wanted to win." Ken's head fell against the wall as he curled into a small, huddling ball. "Wormmon tried to tell me, you bunch tried to tell me, I wouldn't listen."

"Well, it is kind of unbelievable. I didn't believe it myself at first. I know you're not stupid, Ken, but I get the idea that you don't have a very active imagination. And you didn't have any of the old Digi-Destined with you, like we did. You would have figured things out sooner if someone had been with you, or if you had more imagination."

"Living beings," said Ken, as if he hadn't heard any of that. "Thousands of them, living beings that I forced to work for me, fight for me." Ken turned his head, his shadowed eyes, bright now with tears, finding Daisuke. "Thousands of living beings that I tortured, that I killed. My god, Daisuke ... the things I've done ..."

"Well, they didn't really die."

Shaking his head and wiping his face, Ken said, "That doesn't matter. I met some of them when I found Wormmon again. They ... they won't ever forgive me, and I don't blame them."

Awkwardly, Daisuke patted Ken on the shoulder. "You just have to make up for it somehow."

Ken's voice broke again. He looked down, saying in a hoarse whisper, "I - I can't."

"Sure you can. Come with us the next time we go there."

"There's nothing I can do. There's nothing I could possibly do that would make up for this, or even a part of it. I'm so very, very sorry, but the Digimon will never forgive me. The rest of you will never forgive me. I'm a m-monster."

Chibimon was on the floor now, sounding out Wormmon in his hiding place beneath the desk. Apparently, the signs were favorable, because Chibimon crept under the desk also. Watching this, Daisuke said, "I forgive you, Ken."

Daisuke offered this with the intent to soothe Ken's conscience somewhat. He'd never dreamed that the Kaizer actually had a conscience, but it seemed that he did after all, and even Daisuke could see that the weight of Ken's crimes was slowly crushing him. Daisuke genuinely believed that Ken would never have done the things he'd done if he'd only realized that the game was not really a game. From this belief, it was a simple enough step to forgiveness, so Daisuke offered it.

The strength of Ken's reaction surprised him, though. Forgiveness was such an easy to thing to offer, something Ken seemed to need so badly. Ken stared at him for a half second, then slowly collapsed against him, sobbing again into Daisuke's shoulder. There was another awkward moment before Daisuke figured out that he ought to give Ken a hug here, and even then it was a half-hearted sort of thing at first. Ken clung to him, shaking and dampening down the fabric of his jacket, while Daisuke pondered how very much more appropriate it would have been for one of the girls to have come to talk to Ken. He'd said something wrong, that was obvious because Ken was having another breakdown. Hikari, for instance, she would have known exactly what to say to cheer Ken up, and this wouldn't be happening. Coming here had been a stupid idea, a typically Daisuke idea.

Ken seemed to be calming down, anyway. He was still clinging to Daisuke, although Daisuke wasn't sure he really wanted to change this. He'd grown comfortable holding onto Ken, closing those haunted blue eyes against his shoulder so that he didn't have to look at the pain in them. Ken was slender and warm, and needed him right now. Once Daisuke's awkward moment of uncertainty had passed, he was comfortable, and he would regret it when Ken finally pulled away and pretended that this had never happened.

As the shaking, wracking sobs ceased, Ken's head moved against Daisuke's shoulder. Daisuke loosened his grip, preparing to let Ken go, but the other boy didn't seem inclined to draw away just yet. Instead, he remained there in Daisuke's arms, turning so that his cheek rested on Daisuke's shoulder and his lips were scant millimeters from Daisuke's neck.

"How can you forgive me?" Ken whispered. His breath stirred across Daisuke's skin, raising the hairs on the back of his neck. "After what I did ... Daisuke, it burns."

For once in his life, Daisuke decided to think his answer through before opening his mouth. "You didn't know what you were doing," he said finally. "You weren't really trying to kill us. You weren't really trying to make Digimon suffer. You didn't know that what you were doing was hurting real beings. You didn't know that we could really get killed there." Daisuke paused, and then said in a deliberately light tone, "You didn't know we could really get killed, right?"

"No," whispered Ken, and his breath sent a shiver down Daisuke's spine. "I would never have attacked you if I'd known you could get hurt for real."

Daisuke froze, stunned, as Ken closed the miniscule gap between lips and throat. Soft kisses, feather-light, brushed the side of his neck. What was this? He thought he'd concealed his attraction, buried it deeply enough in the rubble of hatred and loathing that Ken should never have noticed. Did he screw even that up? He had to admit it to himself now, why he'd come to talk to Ken rather than asking one of the girls to do it for him. Ken's flawless confidence, his almost frightening intelligence, and yes, even the power he had wielded so efficiently, so ruthlessly as the Kaizer ... Ken was everything that Daisuke was not. It was a difference that might have sent Daisuke into a fit of blind jealousy. It didn't.

And seeing Ken, admirable Ken, screaming out in rage and pain and anguish and frustration - all things that Daisuke could understand perfectly - was too much to bear. Seeing Ken on his hands and knees before his enemies, tearing out his hair in horror at what he'd become, reliving some nightmare from his past, was even worse. No one should have witnessed that. No one should have had to witness that.

Daisuke admitted to himself that he couldn't have sent anyone to Ken. He'd had to come himself, so that if Ken were still fragile, still shattered inside, only Daisuke would see it. No one else would have to know. Even if that meant that Daisuke screwed things up in typical Daisuke fashion, the wounds in Ken's soul would remain a secret. He cared for Ken too much to allow the world to poke careless fingers into those wounds.

The soft kisses grew hesitant. Daisuke would have slapped himself if both hands hadn't been occupied with holding Ken. He'd sat here, frozen with shock, for too long, and Ken was taking his unresponsiveness for a rejection. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

So Daisuke slipped a hand up into Ken's beautiful hair, holding him closer, letting him know that he wasn't being rejected. And that was the moment when he lost control of the situation.

Sitting up slightly, so that Daisuke was no longer supporting most of his weight, Ken parted his lips and began to kiss in earnest. Daisuke gasped aloud, suddenly unable to fully catalogue the sensations running down the side of his neck. Ken's teeth and tongue seemed to separate out every individual nerve and give it a unique signal. From the angle of Daisuke's jaw to the soft hollow at his collarbone, Ken kissed, licked, raked his teeth, nipped, stroked, and did a thousand other things that Daisuke couldn't have named. He would have fallen backward to the floor, but Ken caught him and lowered him gently, so that he was suddenly conscious of being flat on his back with Ken kneeling over him. One of Ken's hands on his throat prevented any escape from the overwhelming feelings, and all Daisuke could do was hold Ken's head to his neck and try not to moan.

His breath coming in short gasps, Daisuke opened his eyes to look up at Ken's face not far away, not quite sure when Ken had stopped. He would have said something, but Ken laid a finger on his lips. The pain in Ken's eyes had not diminished; if anything, it was greater now than before. A dull ache twisted at Daisuke's heart at the sight of it. He lipped weakly at Ken's finger, and Ken responded by turning Daisuke's head to one side, and by lowering his mouth to Daisuke's ear.

"Shhhhh," he whispered, almost no sound at all. Daisuke's breath caught in his throat when he felt Ken's tongue lightly tease his earlobe. That velvety tongue then traced the outlines of Daisuke's ear, gentle teeth nipped, and all the while, the breath of Ken's life moved over Daisuke's skin.

Daisuke gradually became aware that his entire body was twitching, convulsing as if electrified. At every touch, little spasms jerked his limbs, and he couldn't have said why. Only that it felt wonderful, as if Ken's lips were brushing all over him, and not just a single ear. The rasp of his clothes over his skin was suddenly maddening; he wished he could sink right into Ken, as he might sink into water, with nothing between them.

He shoved both hands into Ken's hair and clenched his fists, forcing Ken's head up so that he could crush their lips together. A soft sound came out of the back of Ken's throat, like a whimper, and Daisuke distantly knew that he must be hurting Ken, yanking his hair like that. Yet Ken offered no objection or protest aside from that small sound, and such was Daisuke's loss of control that he gave the matter no thought whatsoever.

Ken allowed himself to be kissed, and Daisuke ran his tongue over his lover's mouth, exploring the shape and smoothness of the teeth, the velvet of that questing tongue, the flower petals of Ken's lips. Supporting himself above Daisuke with one hand, Ken trailed the fingers of the other over Daisuke's neck and throat, and then lightly down his chest to the gap between shirt and shorts. Each delicate touch sent a new thrill through Daisuke. So gentle, Ken's touch. So gentle ...

Daisuke's fingers slowly unclenched, and he released Ken's hair. He opened his eyes a crack as Ken slid a hand up under his shirt, stroking over his skin and bringing a gasp to his throat. Ken, his beautiful hair ruffled and askew by rough treatment, was looking down at him, the shadows so deep in his eyes that they almost appeared black. Daisuke blinked to clear his vision. As before, the pain in those eyes had intensified, until it seemed impossible that it wouldn't overwhelm Ken altogether.

Daisuke wondered if it hadn't already.

He sat up suddenly, surprising Ken so that they got tangled together in Daisuke's jacket. Daisuke wrapped his arms around Ken, holding him tightly, whispering, "I'm sorry ... I'm sorry ..."

How many kinds of idiot was he? Emotionally raw, strung out, wrung out, and worn out, Ken was ripe to be taken advantage of, and that's exactly what Daisuke had been doing. But it wasn't right, it wasn't fair to Ken, and it would hurt him. It had been hurting him. But he wanted it, argued another voice. He started it, he kissed you, not the other way around. While this was true, Daisuke silenced the unkind voice with the observation that sometimes people lost control. Ken wasn't stupid, he had known what was happening, even though he may have been unable to stop it. To stop himself. It was therefore up to Daisuke to stop it.

So he held Ken close, and smoothed down the savaged hair, and apologized over and over. If Daisuke had been able to find the words, he would have said all the things that roiled around in his mind, the things that would prove to Ken that he was understood. But Daisuke wasn't a sensitive, intelligent boy like Ken, so the words eluded him, leaving him with simply, "I'm sorry."

Ken was still and silent for a long time. Then he said softly, "You haven't done anything wrong."

Daisuke murmured into the top of Ken's hair, "I almost did. I'm so sorry."

"Thank you," said Ken, in the smallest, most broken voice imaginable. "God, Daisuke ... I want you so bad. This isn't me. Who is this?"

"I don't know. Maybe it is you after all. I'll help you figure it out if I can, but don't hold your breath. I'm not as smart as you are. But whatever happens, when you know, come see me again, okay?" He smiled into Ken's hair. "It's going to kill me if you decide I'm not good enough for you."

Ken sobbed. "Too good for me ... too good for me ... there's so much blood on my hands ..."

"But I forgive you. And Wormmon forgives you. And I bet even Chibimon forgives you." Shifting a little, Daisuke searched around for his little friend. He was a bit surprised to see Chibimon and Wormmon staring at him from under the desk, but then again, on reflection, maybe that wasn't so surprising, considering what he and Ken had just been doing. "Isn't that right, Chibi?"

"Whatever you say!"

Ken laughed a little, muffling the sound in Daisuke's jacket. Daisuke smiled and stroked Ken's hair. Chibimon was irrepressible.

"So there you go, that's three people who forgive you, and two of them are those Digimon that you say will never forgive you. It's a start, Ken."

"Yeah."

With slow movements, Ken disengaged his arm from Daisuke's jacket, and then drew back out of Daisuke's embrace. Daisuke let him go without comment, and watched while Ken rearranged his clothing and hair, wiped his cheeks clean of salt, attempted to resume that immaculate, unflappable mask that was so familiar to Daisuke. It was comforting to see the mask come back on, even if it was an imperfect copy. It was far preferable to the blank, zombie stare that he'd gotten from Ken when he first arrived.

Daisuke then suffered Ken to straighten out his own hair and clothes. He checked in Ken's mirror to make sure that nothing overt had appeared on his neck, and was reassured to see nothing more than a mild flush under the skin. While Ken brushed carpet fuzz off his back, he said, "Are you going to come with us when we go to the digital world next?"

"I don't think so."

"Why not?"

Ken's brushing hand went still. "The others may not forgive me yet. And maybe I don't need their forgiveness, but it wouldn't help your group any to cause a split in your team."

"You're Digi-Destined though. You can't just avoid it."

"I'm not going to avoid it, Daisuke." Ken's voice was very quiet. "But I'll do what I can to help out the digital world without getting in your way. Just me and Wormmon. We make a good team ourselves, don't you think?" He looked down, and smiled sadly at the green Digimon, who had emerged from hiding and was again clinging to his ankle.

"You're all I ever needed, Ken," said Wormmon agreeably.

Ken stooped to pick up Wormmon, and held him close. He said softly, "I was cruel to a lot of Digimon, but I think it was worst on Wormmon."

"It was all worth it," said Wormmon. "I have you now, and that's all that matters." The little Digimon closed his eyes, content.

Feeling awkward again, Daisuke said, "Well, if you need any help or something, give me a yell or an email or something. Okay?" Damn, he'd reverted to Open Mouth Say Something Stupid mode.

Ken didn't seem to mind, however. "I will. Thank you, Daisuke."

"Hey, no problem." He grinned, and was rewarded with a small smile from Ken, one with almost no grief in it at all. "I've still got some errands to run for my mom, so I should get going."

Ken nodded, and picked up Chibimon, who didn't seem to mind being nabbed by the Digimon Kaizer, as long as it was for the purpose of being handed over to Daisuke. He settled comfortably into Daisuke's arms, not sleepy again yet, but not hyper either.

Following Ken out toward the front door, Daisuke prayed that nothing would give away to Ken's parents what they'd almost done. This prayer, at least, seemed to be answered favorably; Mrs. Ichijouji was all pleased smiles and said that Daisuke was welcome back over any time, while Mr. Ichijouji continued to read his newspaper without looking up. Daisuke said goodbye to Ken, took his shoes, and went out the door.

Daisuke was standing just outside the closed apartment door, stamping his sneakers back on, when he heard the voice of Mr. Ichijouji say loudly, "Yes, Ken does seem a little better, now that you mention it. I just wish he and his friends weren't so attached to their toys. Where'd that green caterpillar thing come from, anyway?"