Author's Note : This is a semi-sequel to my earlier story "Guilt". It takes place concurrently with the latter part of "Armor Ankylomon of the Earth/If I Had a Tail Hammer", so expect spoilers if you happened to miss that one. You have been warned.
--Irhista Scetare Lhail
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It still smelled the way it always had. That, more than anything else, grounded him in the un-reality that was the digital world. The place had a distinctive scent to it, faint and not unpleasant, yet disturbing because it could not be defined as being like anything else. Neither floral, nor spicy, nor earthy, nor dusty, nor musty, nor musky. It did not resemble the scent of any type of fruit or meat, nor did it smell like evergreen, or ozone, or water. Having eliminated every scent that it was not like, he was left with nothing to compare it against. It was unique, and he knew that much later in his life, when this was all just a memory, he would be able to catch a whiff of something undefined and say, This reminds me of the scent of the digital world.
Passing through the Digiport was always disorienting, so he took a moment to breathe in the scent of the digital world. The world that I would have ruled. He shoved that thought aside, although it was more difficult here than it was in the real world. Casting a glance upward, he scanned through his mind for a reason for this, and after a few seconds he arrived at a working theory. He'd learned how to sub-divide his personality, separating Ken Ichijouji from the Digimon Kaizer. The Kaizer didn't need Ken's problems distracting him while he was attempting to conquer the digital world. Ken didn't need the Kaizer's plans distracting him while he was trying to concentrate on his schoolwork. For longer than he cared to think about, he'd effectively been two people, leaving the concerns of one behind and picking up the concerns of the other every time he stepped through the Digiport, doing it so often it became an automatic, unconscious switch. The presence or absence of the distinctive scent of the digital world had been one of the things that triggered the alteration. It was a habit that had been difficult to form, and he had no doubt that it would be difficult to break.
Well, no matter. Difficulty had never stopped him before, and now that he knew the cause of the problem, it would be easier to obliterate it. He also knew where he was now. He was in the forest on File Island, the one that surrounded Primary Village. He finished orienting himself and checked around for Wormmon. The little Digimon was located behind him, and slightly to his left.
"You okay back there?" he asked. It was Ken that said this, although the Kaizer made the words harder to say than they had to be. One of the things he was accustomed to doing while in his Kaizer persona was ignoring or abusing the loyal little creature that followed him everywhere. But Wormmon only followed the Kaizer around; Ken never saw him, since he had always passed through the Digiport alone. Like the strange scent, he decided, the presence or absence of Wormmon was one of the things that triggered the switch. Drat. He catalogued this as another difficulty, and decided to do something about it right now.
"I'm fine," said Wormmon. "I'm just glad to be OOF!" All of the breath went out of the Digimon as his master picked him up. The Kaizer had never picked Wormmon up, or carried him around. He'd sometimes been annoyed that Wormmon was so slow; ever since he'd started to get tall, his creeping Digimon had been unable to keep up with his lengthening strides. So he'd yelled at Wormmon, classified this as yet more indication of Wormmon's uselessness, and occasionally given the creature a measured kick to skid him quickly across the floor. But the Kaizer had never bothered to pick Wormmon up and carry him along, so Ken did exactly that. Cradling Wormmon in his arm felt highly unnatural to the Kaizer, and Ken knew immediately that he'd done the right thing. This would help him to dissociate the digital world from the Kaizer, and allow him to be here without turning into something he no longer wished to be. Plus, once he recovered from his shock, Wormmon settled down and looked to be enjoying the experience.
"So where do we start?" the Digimon asked his partner.
"I don't know," said Ken. Another thing the Kaizer would never have admitted, and therefore another small hammer-blow against that aspect of his personality. "I need information."
He transferred Wormmon up onto his shoulder then, and started walking, the small laptop computer he'd brought with him slapping against his thigh. A spike of nostalgia struck him as he walked, and he realized that this was the way he'd started out, all those years ago. Wormmon had been crawling beside him, though, and he'd been a lot shorter himself. But there had been a forest, and a small laptop, and the search for one of the many computer access ports that could be found all over the digital world, and which gave it part of its surreal atmosphere.
Almost in his ear, Wormmon said softly, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he replied. "Just thinking."
"I'll shut up then."
A faint smile touched his lips, unbidden and surprising, and he reached up to scratch Wormmon behind the antennae. "No, it's all right. I'm just remembering, that's all."
Ken was certain that normal caterpillars couldn't purr, but he had no other word for the pleased rumbling that came out of Wormmon's body at the scratching. He scratched until his fingers got tired, and by that time Wormmon had half-wrapped himself around the back of his master's neck and was dozing. Ken continued to pick his careful way through the forest.
Although athletic and active, Ken had never been much of a fan of the wide outdoors. Sports were one thing; they could usually be practiced indoors, and even when he played outdoors it was in a well-groomed park or stadium. He'd never been camping, or had any desire to start, and his only interest in forests was in admiring them from a car or train window. Yet he felt at ease here, at home and comfortable. He could detect the movements of distant Digimon, and was able to avoid encounters with them without much effort. It seemed very natural that he be able to do this. He analyzed this feeling, as he did with every oddity that passed through his mind, and came to the conclusion that it was because, at the base of it, this forest had more in common with the complex computer game he'd originally thought it was, than it did with a forest in the real world. Programs and games were things that Ken understood instinctively, and so it was only fitting that he understood this one.
A game I could have won. A game I was winning. A game I can still win, if I just put my mind to it.
It was only when these thoughts burned away Ken's peaceful mood that he realized that he'd been in a peaceful mood in the first place. Curse all the Fates, it if wasn't one thing, it was another. To banish the Kaizer-ish thoughts, he reached up and engaged in the very un-Kaizer activity of scratching Wormmon's head again. The Digimon squirmed a little against the back of his neck and sighed happily in his sleep.
Wormmon was just one surprise after another. He hadn't been able to spend much time with his Digimon when they'd first met, and after that he'd been too busy trying to conquer the world to care. The Kaizer had drawn any number of conclusions about Wormmon, based on observation but colored by prejudice. Wormmon was industrious, clingy, insubordinate, insomniac, incompetent, slow, small, weak, and irritating. He was also sort of cute, although the Kaizer hadn't considered that an asset; one's weapon of doom should make its enemies tremble in terror, not want to cuddle it.
However, the more time Ken spent with his Digimon, the more he realized how wrong the Kaizer had been. Although Wormmon was willing to go without food or sleep for days on end if his master needed him to, he much preferred to curl up near Ken and doze on a full belly. Far from being a natural sycophant, he had a bright sense of humor and willingness to play that reminded Ken of his own early childhood. When awake and not playing, he was considerably less likely these days to demand Ken's attention in any way he could. A little love and concern was really all he needed, and it was only when he couldn't get it that he started to behave like a parasite attached to Ken's ankle. Although quiet and somewhat simple-minded when it came to human things, Wormmon proved to be quite insightful at times, seeing things with his untainted eyes that Ken took for granted.
The only thing the Kaizer had been right about was how small and weak Wormmon was. But that was all right, because Wormmon was just a rookie Digimon, and all rookies were small and weak. That could be changed, and would be changed, as soon as Ken could manage it.
Up ahead, he could hear something foraging around in the forest. Altering his course to avoid it, he skirted around a large rock, and found what he was looking for on the other side. "Hey Wormmon, wake up."
He didn't have to say it twice. Instantly alert, Wormmon said, "Where are we?"
"Still near Primary Village. I found a port." He sat down and flipped the computer open on his lap. The modem cable plugged quite neatly into the small receptacle half-hidden in the lee of the tilting stone. It was incongruous, but Ken had grown accustomed to the weird side of the digital world by now. He leaned back against the rock and flipped the computer's power switch, Wormmon on the ground and leaning against his leg.
Ahh, but this was nice. Just sitting here in the dappled sun, not searching for anything, not fighting anything, not pondering or plotting anything, just sitting in the sun and waiting for his computer to boot up. Of late, he'd rarely given himself permission to just rest and relax; attempting to live two separate, full-time lives required a lot of time, energy, and effort, and he'd begrudged the hours he was forced to spend asleep. Even after he had abandoned the real world and his life as Ken Ichijouji, he'd remained in the habit of cramming every possible moment with constructive work. It was a schedule, he knew, that had driven people to suicide, but as the Kaizer, he had refused to entertain the concept of burn-out. He was above such petty human weaknesses, as he needed to be if he wanted to rule the digital world.
The only problem was, now that he had decided to put his Kaizer persona behind him and stop trying to be someone he wasn't, Ken realized that he was burned out. There was an unspeakable perfection in this moment, when he had nothing to do but wait, no pressing matters on his mind that could be dealt with before his computer completed its power-up cycle. He closed his eyes and smiled a little, one part of his mind following the familiar sounds his computer made as it checked his hard drive and ran through the virus scan, the rest of him wishing that things could always be this way.
But of course they couldn't be, and the moment ended. "What is thy bidding, my master?" asked the computer, in English and in the voice of Darth Vader. It startled Ken to hear it, as he had forgotten that it would do that. He made a note to himself to pick a different sound file for boot-up.
Ken didn't know where the networks stretching all over the digital world had come from. He made use of them, of course, and always had, and he figured the other Digi-Destined probably did as well. He knew that if two computers were connected to the same network at once, it was possible for one to trace the other one, so the first thing he did was a scan of the network for other eavesdroppers. It wouldn't do for one of the Digi-Destined, or worse yet, a Digimon with a grudge, to suddenly locate him. Nothing came up, so he got down to work.
"What are you doing?" said Wormmon quietly.
There had been a time when the Kaizer would have snapped at his companion to shut up and let him think. The urge to do so was very high, but there was no way to break a habit except to break it. He was silent a moment to compose his thoughts, soothe the flashfire of unwanted temper.
"I'm looking for the reason we're here."
"We're here because you wanted to come."
Ken shook his head, the anger melting away until he could give his friend a real smile. "No, I don't mean us, right here, right now. I mean in general. Why the Digi-Destined are here." He resumed programming in his criteria. "Nothing happens in the digital world without a reason."
Wormmon shivered. "It was that woman we saw. She's the reason."
Ken was inclined to agree. "Very likely, but I'd rather not jump to conclusions." He set the computer down on the ground. "It'll be a little while running."
Wormmon peered over Ken's lap at the laptop on the ground. "What's it doing?"
"Constructing a database. I need information. Everything in the digital world is information. When it finishes compiling the database, we can go home and I can start searching through it there."
"I like your home." Wormmon tucked all ten feet under himself, and then said, "I remember this."
Ken glanced down at him. "How do you mean?"
"It was like this when we first started trying to take over the world." Pale blue eyes peered up at him without rancor, without accusation, without anything but admiration. "You did something with your computer and set it on the ground, and we talked a little bit. You told me about your brother and about something you'd seen in your world. Then we played hide-and-seek until the computer was finished, and then you started designing your first dark rings."
He remembered now. "I was thinking about that earlier, before I found the port, but you're right. This is how it went after I found the port also." He managed a weak sort of smile. "I guess I haven't changed much."
"You had, but now you've changed back. Or, you're starting to."
"Maybe," he said. "I'm not sure I really remember what I was like back then."
Wormmon rolled over, so that he was leaning along Ken's leg, and rested his head on his master's thigh. "You don't have to be what you used to be."
"Don't I?" Ken reached into his pocket and pulled out the little pink square that he kept there, never out of his presence. The Crest of Kindness. What irony! "I used to be kind, and I need to be again if this thing is going to work."
"But you're bigger. Humans can't de-Digivolve, can they?"
He had to laugh a little at the ingenious look in those bright eyes. "No. I guess ... " He trailed off. What did he want to say? "I'm not the same person I used to be. And I can't go back. I can't turn back into little Ken-chan who never worried or concerned himself with anything. But I have to try."
He turned the crest over in his fingers. Kindness. His kindness was his greatest weakness, not a strength. Kindness was what had made him allow his family to shuffle him aside. His brother Osamu had needed to be brilliant, had needed the attention that came with it. His parents had needed to shower attention on their favorite eldest, had needed the adulation that came with having such a genius for offspring. It was kindness and consideration for what they needed that had made Ken let them ignore him as long as they had.
And it was kindness that had prepared the sensitive surface of his heart for the slashing it got every time his parents turned their backs on him. Every time his mother said, "That's nice dear," just to get him to leave her alone, every time his father didn't even hear him. Every time he'd been excited about something he'd seen or done and wanted to share that excitement with the ones he loved, and every time they brushed him off in favor of their better son. Every time, it was like a tiny part of his heart was left raw and bleeding, and Ken had accepted it because he was kind enough to understand, even that young, what his parents needed. He was kind enough to accommodate their needs. He was kind enough not to complain.
And when Osamu died? Well, he was kind enough to attempt to fill his brother's place. Not because he craved his parents' love, although he did, but because he understood what they wanted, and how much they wanted it.
For kindness, Ken had tried to become his brother. Becoming the Digimon Kaizer hadn't been an original part of that plan, but it had fit in quite well, regardless. Osamu'd had his mean streak every now and then, a mean streak that their parents never witnessed. To properly become Osamu, that streak had to be expressed as well, and the Kaizer was a splendid way to do this out of his parents' sight. In what was, as Ken had supposed at the time, a safe environment where nobody had to be hurt by it.
"Wormmon," he said suddenly. The little Digimon offered him instant attention, a feature that never failed to bring a small thrill to Ken; even when playing the Kaizer, he'd been comforted by the knowledge that he had but to call, and Wormmon would be listening. "Why is it that I understand people so well, but nobody understands me? It's not fair."
"I understand you," said Wormmon. "I'm your Digimon."
He tucked the crest back into his pocket and then dropped a hand to idly stroke Wormmon's head. "It's not the same thing. I mean, I know what people expect of me, and I comply with it. I tried so hard for so long to be what my parents wanted me to be. I worked so hard to make sure that nobody walked away from me feeling bad about themselves. Why doesn't anyone do that for me?"
"I try to do that. Are you upset about something?" Wormmon rubbed his cheek on Ken's thigh.
"No. Yes ... I don't know." He sighed. Frustrating. He really didn't know. There was something inside of him, a longing of some kind, but he wasn't sure if he'd classify it as being upset. "I want someone to tiptoe around my feelings for once." Yes, as soon as he said it, Ken knew that this was true.
"What about Daisuke?"
"What about him?"
"He came to see you and you weren't so unhappy when he left. Is that what you mean?"
Ken kicked the heel of his shoe against the ground. "I don't know about Daisuke." He looked down at Wormmon. "What do you think of him?"
"I think he is a nice human and he has a nice Digimon. What don't you know about him?"
Ken didn't answer right away. He looked back up at the sky, or what he could see of it between the branches anyway. He hadn't intended to break down into tears right in front of his visitor. He definitely hadn't intended to kiss Daisuke's throat. Of course, he hadn't intended to become the Josef Mengele of the digital world either. "I just don't know," he said finally. "I don't know why he came over to cheer me up. I certainly didn't deserve it. It was really ... quite considerate of him, wasn't it?" He sighed at the tiny patches of visible sky. "I don't know Wormmon. I feel connected to him, somehow."
"Like I'm connected to you?" There was a spark of hope in Wormmon's voice, and Ken wondered why that was important.
"I don't know. I've felt connected since I first saw him. It made me angry, I was the Digimon Kaizer after all, and who was he? A pest trying to thwart me. But I'm not angry anymore, and now I just don't know."
Wormmon sounded confused when he said, "But isn't that what you said you wanted?"
Ken gathered up his Digimon into his arms, still looking skyward. "Maybe." Was it? He hadn't asked Daisuke to come over that day. When his mother told him who had arrived, he hadn't quite believed it, and actually seeing the other boy in his apartment had been a shock. He's here to fight me, had been his first thought, but that had turned out to be untrue. He found himself wishing that Daisuke were here, so he could ask what his motives were and settle things once and for all.
He eyed the laptop a moment, then reached out with one hand to check on the progress of the database compilation. Almost completed. He relaxed again back against the rock, wondering why he had a sudden urge to send an email message to Daisuke, and wondering why the thought of doing so sent a rush of adrenaline through him.
Wormmon looked up, alarmed. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. Why?"
"Your heart's going so fast! Are you frightened?" The Digimon cast darting looks all around, searching for the danger that threatened his partner.
"No. I'm fine, I told you. I'm just ... I was thinking about sending Daisuke a message and ... it makes me nervous."
"Why?"
He shrugged, attempting to cloak himself in an air of unconcern, which he knew would not fool his Digimon, but which felt nice to have regardless. "I don't know what he would say. I ... " he paused, and then said, "I almost feel like I'm in love." Frowning, he examined this statement, and amended, "Well, maybe not that."
"Tell me about love," asked Wormmon, settling his head down again, his alarm passing.
"Love is an emotional attachment to another person. It serves several purposes, primary of which is the continuation of the species."
Wormmon looked up at him, so blank in his incomprehension that Ken couldn't help smiling. "Children," said Ken. "People who fall in love have more children, so there's survival value in love to humanity as a whole."
"I don't understand, Ken-chan, but I believe you."
"There are other kinds of love too. They all serve a purpose."
"That sounds cold."
Looking down at his Digimon, Ken wondered how this conversation had gotten started. "I thought it was."
Something new had entered the forest. Ken's sense of the flow of the digital world around him told him that, so he checked his Digivice; someone had arrived. Maybe Daisuke. He felt another stab of adrenaline at the thought, and Wormmon's gaze became alarmed again.
"What is it?"
"Someone's entered the digital world. Nearby."
"Daisuke?"
Ken scrutinized his Digivice. "No. Well, yes, he must be there, because it's all of them. They're in Primary Village, I think."
His laptop beeped complacently, signaling that it had finished its task. Ken shrugged a bit, put away the black Digivice, and eased Wormmon off his lap so he could work.
The amount of information collected by the network for him was vast. Wormmon went back to sleep nearby while he worked, organizing the data, culling parts out to be checked separately, cross-referencing certain things. While this was not necessarily difficult, certainly not for a programmer of his caliber, it was time-consuming, and it was just as well that Wormmon elected to doze through it. Interruptions, no matter how well-meant, were irritants.
It was hours later when he finally was able to start looking at the data itself. He anticipated having to read the data for a few hours, if not days, before he got a sense of the proper flow of it, and that sense of the proper behavior of the data was necessary if he wanted to be able to spot it when he encountered abnormal behavior. So he was very surprised to find something almost immediately that set off alarms in his head.
He flipped over to a different section to see if the same thing occurred there. Scanning through lines of data, he was stopped very quickly when it did repeat itself. And then again. He nudged Wormmon with his knee, and, as always, was rewarded by instant wakefulness and attention.
"Wormmon," he said. "Do all Digimon come out of eggs?"
"I think so," said his companion after a moment of thought. "I don't know where else they could come from."
"They never come out of ... oh, say, control spires, do they?"
Wormmon gave him a strange look. "No."
Ken chewed on his lip, and then sent a query into the network again while he explained to his Digimon. Explaining his findings and plans to Wormmon was something he'd never done as the Kaizer, so it seemed that he ought to start now. "A couple of control spires have gone missing. Maybe they just got knocked down by angry Digimon, but I've found three of them so far that went missing and suddenly a new Digimon appeared nearby. That strikes me as highly unusual."
Just by looking at Wormmon, Ken could tell that he agreed, without the Digimon having to say anything. It gratified him. Feeling a sudden need to investigate this, Ken made note of the nearest missing spire's last known location, shut down his laptop, and picked up Wormmon.
"Where are we going now?"
"To find out what happened to that thing."
But, as luck would have it, he never quite made it to the site of the missing spire. Because as Ken was carefully skirting Primary Village, with the intent of avoiding both Digimon and Digi-Destined, he saw what he privately suspected was the cause of the difficulty moving up the ridge above the village.
In the heart of the village, Ken could hear laughter, which relieved him. If the baby Digimon were laughing, nothing untoward had happened there yet. Eyeing the lay of the ridge, and the path the woman was taking, he doubted she'd ever entered the village at all, but he decided he would check through the area later, just to make sure. Shushing Wormmon and stashing his laptop behind a rock, he sneaked up the ridge after her.
High above the village, a black control spire was raised to the sky. The woman moved carefully toward it, and Ken began to have a hard time following her without giving himself away. The ground turned rocky, and then pebbly, and finally Ken had to stop following altogether because the ground crunched so much underfoot that he wondered the whole world didn't know he was there. But, by the time this extreme was reached, his target was almost at the spire, so he concealed himself and Wormmon behind a rock to watch what she did.
Even after seeing it, Ken wasn't sure of what happened. The woman, with her back to him, did something at the base of the spire, and said some words he couldn't make out. Then the spire ... changed. Melted, or imploded, or something. The sharp obelisk lines curled in on themselves, and after a moment a small Digimon hovered before the woman. Wormmon, whispering in Ken's ear, identified it for him as a Thundermon.
The woman's voice rang out for him now, almost as if she wanted him to hear. "Go destroy Primary Village," she said, pointing it out for the newly-created Digimon. "Make it look accidental by destroying the bedrock beneath it. You can get there through the old water lines. Go now."
Ken decided the time for gathering information was past. He stood up and stepped around the rock into the path. "You can't do that!" The Thundermon, undeterred, flew off down the ridge.
The woman turned, a slight smile visible on her face, even at this distance. She didn't seem at all surprised to see him. "Can't I?" she said. "You've proven to be a disappointment, Kaizer, but your spires remain useful. As you might say, if you want something done right ..."
Wormmon said, "Please, Ken-chan, this is my chance! Let me fight! Let me finally fight!" He leaped off Ken's shoulder to the ground.
"Certainly," said the woman, sounding delighted by the prospect. "Send your Digimon to fight me, and while he's doing that, you can watch Primary Village be swallowed by the earth." She pointed a thin, stick-like finger down at the village. Something was going on just outside of it; dust rose up from a hole in the ground, and even from here Ken could see the frantic bouncing of baby Digimon through the village.
Ken made a swift tactical decision. "We can't do anything at all unless you Digivolve, Wormmon. Think you can?"
"I want to try!" Wormmon trembled with excitement.
Maybe that would be sufficient. Ken had the black Digivice in hand almost immediately. He hoped this was going to be similar to forcing a dark evolution on a Digimon, because otherwise there was no way this was going to work. He held out the Digivice, and said, "Okay, do it!"
It turned out to be very similar to a dark evolution, only much easier. There was no fighting with the will of the Digimon in front of him, warping it into compliance. Wormmon practically leaped into the wave of power that came out of the black Digivice and almost instantly shifted forms. Ken, who had always had the logical idea that a champion Wormmon would be some kind of giant butterfly, was surprised but not displeased to see his friend turn into a far more dangerous-looking insect. He looked up at the creature that had been Wormmon, forgetting for just an instant the danger to the village, and the creepy woman a few dozen meters away, as the champion Digimon triumphantly called out his name. Stingmon. Appropriate. He hoped the pride was visible in his eyes, because he didn't feel like sharing a smile with his Digimon where this woman could see it.
Turning to face the woman, Stingmon prepared to attack, but Ken couldn't let him do that. "No, not her! We don't have time!"
"We don't? Oh, right, the village." More dust rose out of that hole in the ground beside Primary Village, and one of the largest Digimon that Ken had ever seen outside of his own creations pawed its way out of the hole. He guessed that one of the Digimon belonging to the other children had Digivolved. Ken gave the woman a final, baleful glare, and reached up toward Stingmon. He was caught up into the sky, safe in the vast claws of his friend.
Ken could tell there was no time, but quick decisions had never been one of his problems, especially when he had this much information to go on. "Set me down on one of the roofs near the center and then go destroy that thing. The others won't know how to fight it. They don't know what it is, so you'll have to do it."
"Right." With the swiftness of a hunting dragonfly, Stingmon flitted into the village, dropped Ken on the sloping roof of one of the higher buildings, in the shadow of the building's cupola, and then dove into the dust just in time to rescue someone who had been blown up into the air by an attack on the ground. Ken couldn't see which one, but it was a human, and therefore one of the Digi-Destined. With any luck, all their attention would be on the battle for a while.
He took the opportunity to scan the area around the village for any sign at all that the strange woman had been there. It wouldn't replace a house-to-house search, but the more he thought about it, the less Ken believed that the resident Digimon would appreciate having him poke through their homes. He didn't want to be the Digimon Kaizer, and he did his level best to behave like someone other than the Digimon Kaizer, but there was no point in deceiving himself.
After determining that there was nothing to see that could be spotted from up here, he looked back into the sky just in time to see Stingmon stoop in for the kill. How could I have ever thought him worthless? Unpracticed as he was, having only Digivolved for the first time a few minutes ago, Stingmon in the air was grace personified, and Ken had a hard time swallowing around the pride.
Oh, dear. Just as he'd suspected, the Digi-Destined weren't taking Stingmon's interference very well. Dwarfed beside their Digimon, the other children were staring, open-mouthed, up into the sky at Stingmon and the dissipating remains of his victim. Ken had determined a long time ago that they were a bit on the squeamish side when it came down to the wire. To his knowledge, they'd never killed one of his slaves aside from the freakish Kimeramon, merely removed the rings and spirals to free them. Actions that he could, in retrospect, applaud, but which hadn't really prepared them for what they'd just seen.
Ken briefly entertained the idea of explaining to them what had just happened. He ran several possible conversations over in his mind, and concluded that the chances of them believing him were far too low. It wasn't worth the fight he'd probably get. Besides, what would be the point in shattering the illusion that I'm a ruthless bastard? I am a ruthless bastard, ruthless enough for all five of them if necessary. Let them retain their innocence, if they can. It would sound like I was offering excuses anyway, and I can't excuse anything that I've done. Ever.
Regardless, he couldn't just hang Stingmon out to dry there. Any second now, the accusations would start flying, and if he didn't do something, they'd all be aimed at Stingmon, who didn't deserve any of them. So he stepped out from the shadow in which he'd concealed himself, and although he did nothing more than that to draw their attention, suddenly all eyes left Stingmon and were riveted on him. The part of him that still recognized the appeal of being the Kaizer was gratified; he still knew how to command an audience.
Digimon and Digi-Destined alike stared up at him, shock in what Stingmon had done giving way to shock in his appearance. Since diverting their wrath from Stingmon onto himself was the object of this exercise, Ken counted it a success. He glanced quickly from one to another, gauging the possible levels of ire at what was, he had to admit, the apparent murder of a legitimate Digimon.
The two girls seemed the hardest hit, at least from the outset. Watching their expressions was like looking at the cover of a book entitled Fear and Loathing. If he remembered correctly, one of them was the Child of Light, the other the Child of Love and Sincerity. Takeru, the one he'd fought with just after Kimeramon's completion, needed to pick his jaw up off the ground, while the youngest of the group sat half-hidden in the paw of the giant Digimon, his expression unreadable. That really big Digimon must belong to him then.
It was Daisuke, however, that sent a burning, bleeding gash across Ken's heart. Wide-eyed, he stared upward at Ken, first in disbelief, then with something that Ken could only interpret as betrayal. This was something he hadn't anticipated. A certain amount of anger, a certain amount of hatred, maybe even the fear that was swiftly leaving both girls. He told himself that he could bear it if Daisuke hated him, although a tiny voice of honesty admitted that it would have been very hard to live with Daisuke's hatred. He hadn't, however, anticipated hurting Daisuke, and knowing that he had was like the brush of sandpaper across an open wound.
I could choose not to care. It had to be done, that wasn't a real Digimon anyway. Let them think of me what they will, I can choose not to concern myself with their feelings. He could feel the old walls starting to rise again, shielding his heart with ice. It was a familiar feeling, and it was comforting in a way to feel himself going numb, the pain being soothed. But that was the way of the Digimon Kaizer. As much as it hurt him, if he wanted to be Ken Ichijouji, he was going to have to bleed a little. After all, the only way to break a habit was to break it.
He just wished there wasn't so much of his blood on the floor already, waiting to accept this new sacrifice.
Stingmon, job finished, buzzed toward him. He gestured a little with one hand, and the beautiful creature reverted back into Wormmon and snuggled down in his arms. The Digi-Destined murmured; he didn't doubt that they recognized Wormmon. Time to go.
Hoping the other children were still too shocked to move, Ken lightly leaped off the roof and into the street. He threaded his way back out of the village, putting as much distance between himself and the Digi-Destined as possible. He carried Wormmon the entire way, and not just because Wormmon couldn't keep up; it was clear from the way the little Digimon trembled that his partner was exhausted.
Beneath the shadow of the ridge, Ken retrieved his laptop and scanned around for the woman. There was no sign of her, no indication that she had ever existed, but that didn't surprise him. He would check his database later to see if the network picked up her movements, but somehow he doubted it would. The wisdom in keeping this little piece of insanity to himself just kept getting better. Except for Daisuke, they'd already disliked him, and with good reason. Now, he was fairly certain that an encounter with them was going to end in violence long before he was able to make them believe a story that was completely unbelievable, and for which he had no proof aside from a missing control spire.
Ken began to move back into the forest, a part of him wishing desperately that he would hear Daisuke's voice calling out his name behind him, asking him to wait up. That same part demanded that he turn around, go back and explain the entire business; that part insisted that Daisuke would believe him. He couldn't do that, of course, because Daisuke wouldn't believe him, but it was bittersweet to imagine doing it. He could almost imagine how it would go, because although the other Digi-Destined hated him, Daisuke didn't. Daisuke was the exception, Daisuke had come to visit him and comfort him, and Daisuke had accepted his kiss.
On several levels, Ken was revolted by what he had done with Daisuke. A show of weakness, a weepy little scene during which one soul sought solace in another. Silly emotional things, something humans did when driven by hormones and instinct. Ken was self-aware, he wasn't a slave to his emotions and he didn't have to indulge in them when they were a threat to his dignity. Sometime in the near future, he was going to have to figure out what exactly had cracked his self-control, sent it scattering like crazed ice, and allowed him to practically assault Daisuke the way he had. Even upon reflection, looking back on the incident with what should be the cold, dispassionate gaze of hindsight, Ken was amazed at the strength of the emotions which had finally slipped out, and could feel them stirring within him still.
He knew he ought to be doing something constructive right now. He should access the network again to pick up the latest bits of data, and then go home and do a thorough analysis. There were patterns in all things, and he was certain that there was a pattern to this. The only issue was in identifying it. Wormmon also probably needed a nap and some food, not necessarily in that order, and on top of everything else, he had a math test to study for. So why was he still walking through the woods, remembering the way it had felt to hold Daisuke down and make him writhe?
Growling a little, he deliberately kicked a protruding root, stubbing his toe and jolting himself out of this counterproductive mode of thought. Pathetic. He'd been in better control of himself when he'd entered the digital world, and maybe that was the entire problem. Maybe this was just another Kaizer-aspect brought out by the fight. He'd go home, forget about the data for now, and get his emotions leashed again before he completely lost it. Then he could come back.
The black Digivice was in hand almost before he finished making this decision. He nudged Wormmon. "Let's go home, we'll come back again later." Wormmon sleepily agreed, and a moment later the Digiport was open and Ken stepped back through.