An Unwilling Angel

by Ryan Xavier

Just a _little_ alteration to the 16th Angel, and you get this.

2. Is This a Tear?

DISCLAIMER : None of this belongs to me. The characters, story,
universe, lines, etc. of Evangelion belongs to GAINAX and whoever they
sold the rights to.

Foreword : I won't waste much of your time, but I figured I should warn
you: do not, I repeat do NOT read this thing if you haven't seen
Episodes 23 and 24. If you don't want any spoilers, you should watch
the other episodes while you're at it (with the exception of 25 and
26).

For those of you interested in when this starts, the first section
starts at some point before Episode 23. People who've seen the series
should recognize that the second scene is in Episode 23. From there,
the timeline follows as naturally as I could make it.

One final warning : There is a little darkness in this fic. There is
also a little coarse language.

Okay, now I'll shut up and give you what you're here for.



" " denotes speech
^ ^ denotes thought
_ _ denotes emphasis (italics)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

An Unwilling Angel
Author : Ryan Xavier
Part 1 : "Is This a Tear?"

Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki read the next line on the paper in front in his
hands. He stopped. Then he went back and read it again. And then a
third time, just to be sure. He turned to the man seated at the desk
next to him.

"Is this correct?" he asked.

"Is what correct?" asked the man, not bothering to turn his head.

"The next part in the scenario. It says Rei will - "

"There is no error, Fuyutsuki."

"Ikari, why? You've shown nothing but care for that girl."

"I thought you were better at reading people," Gendo Ikari replied, his
eyes turning to look at his aging associate. "In any case, now that
the Fifteenth Angel has been defeated, Rei's purpose is nearly at an
end. This iteration of the First Child is only scheduled to survive up
to the Sixteenth Angel."

"I thought she was supposed to start Instrumentality, Ikari."

"That remains her primary purpose. But there are too many variables
with this second Rei. She's been alive much too long, and is no longer
as predictable as I would prefer. You've read Dr. Akagi said about
her...feelings, correct?"

^Funny, I never would have thought Rei could feel that way about the
Third Child,^ Fuyutsuki thought. ^Actually, I never would have thought
she'd feel, period. I wonder if Ikari's son knows.^

"And in any case," Gendo continued, "I trust you've also seen Doctor
Akagi's profile on the predicted form of the Sixteenth."

"Of course."

"Contact with the Angel will complete Rei's baseline construction, with
a certainty of over ninety percent. Of course, then she will no longer
be what we need for Instrumentality. Akagi has also assured me that
the third Rei will be perfect."

"She'll be an Angel, then?"

"Not a natural one, but one we made. Rei III will be just the thing
for Instrumentality. And it would not do to have two Reis in
existence."

Fuyutsuki hung his head. He'd learned a long time ago that arguing
with Gendo Ikari on the subject of Third Impact would be a wasted
effort. As such, silence reigned in the office for several minutes.

"I'm sure SEELE will be able to make use of Rei II's remains," Gendo
finally added.

Fuyutsuki looked at the other man again. "What do you mean?"

Gendo's mouth curled into his signature smirk. "I mean that everything
has been following that schedule, Fuyutsuki, and there's no reason for
you to worry."

Fuyutsuki suddenly found he was even more worried than before.

***

Rei's body contorted in pain as she felt the Angel pushing deeper into
her. Her ever-logical mind determined that the Angel was somehow
upping her synch ratio with the Eva to an impossible number, meaning
she experienced everything the machine felt. In other words, the Angel
was invading _her_ just as it was invading her Eva's body. As the
pain receded for a moment, she looked down at the vein-like patterns
crawling up her torso.

And it was invading her mind, as well. That conversation she'd had
with...herself would have been interesting, given different
circumstances. Unfortnately, she knew that she would lose that mental
battle with time. The Angel would invade her mind, and it would be
within her. It would _be_ her. And so her mission would fail.

Her mission could not fail. She had never given up, period. Since
fighting it in a conventional manner would take too long, there was
only one logical course of action. But...she didn't want to do it.
Why? She knew there was some very important reason, but she couldn't
recall it. The Angel was now so far into her that it was scrambling
her thoughts. She couldn't remember why she wanted to live.

Droplets of water fell onto her plugsuit glove. Her eyes widened as
she realized what they were.

"Is this a tear? Am I the one who is crying?"

She'd never cried before. What did the tears mean? She wanted to
know, but there was no time to study them. The Angel was pushing
further into her. She had to eliminate it, _now_.

^No,^ she thought. ^There's got to be another way. I...don't want to
die.^

^Why?^ came another voice. It sounded like her own voice, but she
recognized it as the Angel's.

^I...^ she tried to respond. ^I...don't want to die, not now...I
still...I want to...^

^You have no reason to avoid it. Death is the natural course of life.^

^But I still...I want...^ she tried for all she was worth to remember.

***

Fuyutsuki watched it unfold, then glanced down to Gendo. ^Christ, he's
really going to go through with it,^ he thought to himself. Meanwhile,
Rei continued to struggle with the Angel, trying in vain to pull it out
of her Eva.

"It seems she's hesitating," Fuyutsuki commented.

"Indeed," Gendo said. "She may need some motivation."

The Commander raised his voice and called down to the bridge crew.

"Unit-01's locked status is hereby removed. Deploy it immediately."

***

Rei's screen registered a new arrival on the battlefield. She looked
at it, immediately recognizing Unit-01's gigantic form.

Her eyes widened. "Ikari-kun!" she called out. At the same time,
the Angel's free end lanced out towards Unit-01.

"Does my soul wish to become one with Ikari-kun?" she wondered aloud,
watching the purple Eva dodge out of the way.

There was no time for reflection, though. Ikari-kun was going to
fight, to try to save her. But he would fail, too. The Angel would
invade both of them. She couldn't just let it happen.

She got out of her seat and engaged the switch on the floor of her
cockpit. The controls extended.

"Rei, abandon Unit-00! Evacuate!" came a voice at the radio.

"No. I can't do it," Rei responded. "I must stay to keep the AT field
in effect. Therefore, I won't retreat."

She had to keep the Angel in place, for this to work. One last act to
protect Ikari-kun. Why was she still crying? This was just completing
the mission. There was no way the Angel would survive an Eva self-
destruct.

She hit the switch, without hesitation.

As the Eva's engine went to critical speeds, Rei remained certain that
this was the best choice, given her options. She turned back to face
the Angel, holding it in place. She felt the engine tear itself apart
and finally detonate.

Rei only had a moment left before the explosion hit her. In that
moment, her mind was suddenly filled with one image : Gendo Ikari,
smiling a real smile at her. It was one of her strongest memories.
He'd been happy to see her...

She gasped as she figured it out. He'd been happy to see her because
she'd had a purpose. He'd been happy to see her...because he'd known
she would eventually do what she was doing right now.

In the space of a nanosecond, everything fell into place, little things
she'd been ignoring because she hadn't wanted to realize what they
meant. But she realized it now. That Gendo Ikari had never actually
cared for her. She had always been his...doll, as the Second Child had
said. And here she was, ending her life as a doll, one that before now
hadn't even known it was a doll.

More tears fell, as she figured it out. No one had ever actually cared
for her. She'd never really had a reason to live.

But, as her last moments drew to a close, another face hit her mind :
the younger Ikari. In the image she saw, he was crying, like she was
now. It was from back after the Fifth Angel. He...had cared for her.
He had honestly been worried. He had never shown any of the signs the
older Ikari had shown. He had wanted...to be her friend.

Those images jogged her memory; she finally remembered why she didn't
want to die. Unfortunately, it was much too late. Rei closed her
eyes, curling up and concentrating on that last image of Shinji Ikari,
as she felt the world turn to flame around her.

Just as the explosion touched her body, Rei felt something happen
within her, starting from the Angel's invasion of her, and spreading
outwards.

And then it was all light.

***

Ritsuko Akagi led the recovery team through the field of desolation
caused by the joint death of Unit-00 and the Sixteenth Angel. They all
wore sealed lead suits to guard against any residual radiation. There
wasn't much left of anything. It looked like Tokyo-3, the fortress
city, had finally fallen...to one of its defenders. Had Akagi wanted
to waste her time on philosphy, she could have seen the irony in this.

But as it was, she was all business as their target, Eva-00's entry
plug, came into view. Akagi had helped design the Evas, but she was
still amazed that after an explosion of _that_ magnitude, the plug was
still recognizable. Of course, it was still destroyed : the explosion
had twisted its formerly cylindrical shape into a bent hunk of metal.
But anyone familiar with the Evas would be able to instantly recognize
it as an entry plug, nonetheless.

"Get to work," she ordered, as they reached the plug. The workers
immediately went to work cutting it open with a torch. Everyone there
knew what they were there for : to dig out whatever was left of Rei
Ayanami and bring it back to headquarters. It was an ugly, dirty job,
but...well, it just hadn't yet been Rei's time to die.

While the plug was being cut open, Akagi took a look around and started
running the data over in her mind. The Eva self-destruct system was,
by its nature, not something they'd tested very often. But from the
readings the MAGI had collected, it appeared Eva-00 had detonated
almost exactly the way it had been built to.

The only thing that concerned her was the sudden spike in the blue
pattern just a few microseconds prior to the explosion. The Angel's AT
field had suddenly increased in strength, not that that was a real
surprise. If it had been as intertwined with Eva-00 as it had appeared
to be, then it would have felt the explosion coming and tried to
protect itself. But the way the blue pattern looked, it was almost as
though _another_ AT field had been in existence, in addition to the
ones from the Eva and the Angel. It hadn't lasted very long, but it
had been there, nonetheless. Unfortunately, the data were not exact
enough to say just where the field had been coming from.

"Akagi-san," one of the men called out. Ritsuko looked up as she heard
the torch shut off. More men approached, and pried off the portion of
the plug they'd cut away. Akagi was there as soon as the piece of
metal came away. She looked inside, figuring she should get it over
with. Dead bodies could still disgust her, and she needed to get the
disgust out of her system as soon as possible.

Ritsuko Akagi had seen and done some very strange things in her life.
She'd seen Angels the size of skyscrapers fight similarly-sized Evas of
her own creation. She'd seen one of said Evas move without power. And
not too long ago, she'd seen an Eva literally _eat_ an Angel. But by
then, she had almost been expecting something like that to happen.
There were very few things that could surprise Ritsuko Akagi.

This was one of them.

Her eyes widened as she looked inside the tortured entry plug. She
would have believed anything else, from an empty plug to a plug
spattered with bloody pieces. But the one thing she couldn't believe
was what she saw : Rei Ayanami, lying there calmly, sleeping. And very
much alive.

Some of the men crowded in to get a good look for themselves. They all
showed various degrees of shock. Akagi took a second to compose
herself before standing up straight again. She had to keep a level
composition in front of her subordinates.

"Keep this top secret," she said to the foreman. "Retrieve the plug
and destroy all the parts."

"Roger," came the response. "Let's go! Hurry up!"

As the men went back to work, Ritsuko took out a handheld radio and
asked the operator to patch her through to the Commander. As she
waited, Akagi looked up at the clear sky, trying to think things
through.

"Uh...ma'am?"

Akagi looked at the man who'd interrupted her thoughts. "What?" she
bit out.

"What do we do with her? I mean, she's...uh, you know."

Akagi resisted the urge to throw up her hands and shout out that she
didn't know. She needed to remain calm, or no one would.

"Get her out," she replied. "And check to see she's all right," she
added on, almost impulsively. She surprised herself with the concern
that entered into her voice. Rei was just a tool. Come to think of
it, this might interfere with the next Rei's activation. But...Akagi
couldn't help changing her opinion - slightly - looking at the girl.
Tool or not, Rei was still a person, and didn't deserve to be left
sitting in a useless plug like that.

The man nodded and went about the task of carefully removing the pale
girl.

***

In her mind, Rei was slowly returning to consciousness. She didn't
know what had happened. She currently didn't even know if she was
alive. But, for a moment, the Angel had seemed to win. With one last
push, it had taken her mind from her. But even when that had happened,
she'd still been conscious. It had just been as though two entities
were in her instead of just herself. And she'd felt the Angel react,
somehow...

But it had been too late for the Angel, in any case. Now...the
presence of the Angel in her mind was slowly receding, and she was
coming back to herself. Apparently, she'd succeded in killing it.

^Mission failed...mission failed...^ came the Angel's voice in her
mind. It was still using Rei's own voice to speak.

^How can you still exist?^ Rei thought-asked it, as she reasserted
control.

^I exist...I exist...mission failed...^

Rei did her best to ignore it. It seemed the Angel's mind was
shattered, and slowly decomposing. But...how had it been before now?
Even when it had fully entered into her mind, it had been more like a
companion than a tyrant. In fact, it had wanted to help her. More
specifically, it had acted on her desire to live. She'd heard it
mumble something that had sounded like "AT Field full strength",
something she'd said while fighting the Fourteenth Angel. Why would it
have said that?

She felt herself regaining consciousness as the Angel finally
disappeared forever.

***

"Kill her," Gendo Ikari ordered, over the radio.

"Sir, you can't be serious. This is an amazing find. I'd like to
study her to see how she has managed this - "

"That's unimportant, Doctor. Rei II is to have died fighting this
Angel, is that understood? If she is alive now, then she is much too
dangerous to remain in existence."

"But sir - "

"I don't recall asking for your criticism. And you know more than
anyone that we can't activate the next Rei without this one's soul. Do
it."

The radio switched off. Akagi clenched her free hand into a fist.
Everything just _had_ to follow his schedule. What was so vitally
important that it would merit killing a 14-year old girl?

^She's not a girl,^ Akagi thought, pocketing the radio. ^She's just a
creation. And Ikari's right. If the Angel _did_ invade her body,
then...^

She looked up as she heard one of the men cry out in surprise. She
walked over to the man, immediately noticing Rei's eyes were open, and
the girl was sitting up, looking a little dazed.

"She just got up! I didn't do nothin'!" the man was saying.

"It's fine," Akagi said in a cold voice. "Now get back to work."

The man nodded once and jogged back to the entry plug, which his fellow
workers were currently dismantling, piece by piece.

Akagi looked down at Rei.

"Can you move?" she asked, bluntly.

Rei looked at her, a short delay passing before recognition flickered
through her red eyes. Then, the girl nodded and stood up, not
bothering to brush the dirt out of her hair.

Akagi looked over her shoulder at the men. Too many witnesses here.
She'd need to find another place.

"Come with me, Rei," she said, as she started walking away from the
site.

"Yes, sir," came Rei's soft voice.

The men asked where she was going. Akagi simply called over her
shoulder that she would be back in a moment. The men seemed to take
this as a legitimate answer. For some reason, this made Akagi angry.
She figured it out quickly : she wanted someone to stop her. She
didn't want to have to kill this girl. There wasn't a real reason to.
Maybe if Ikari would let her see that schedule of his, she could
understand. Or maybe she'd be all the more opposed to it; there was no
way to tell.

Akagi led, and Rei followed close behind. They eventually got out of
sight of the men, moving behind a few trees that were still standing.
Akagi pulled off the suit's gloves, then reached up and removed her
helmet, satisfied that there was no danger from radiation. Rei, with
no protection except for her plug suit, seemed to be doing fine.

"You know what he asked me to do?" she asked, out loud. Her hand went
into the suit's frontal pocket.

She heard Rei mumble something in the affirmative.

"Aren't you going to run away?"

"Why?" Rei asked.

Akagi clenched her jaw and turned around to face the girl. Her hand
came out of the pocket, carrying the small pistol she owned.

"Because if you don't, you're going to die. Don't you understand?"

Rei nodded.

"So why don't you run?"

"I would not escape," came the near-monotone voice Akagi was quickly
growing to hate. "I'm weakend from my recovery, and would not be able
to get far enough away that you would miss. For the same reason, I
cannot attempt to attack you."

Akagi cursed under her breath. Why did Rei always have to be right?
She flicked the safety off and pulled the hammer back with her thumb.

"I'm only doing what he wanted me to do," Akagi said, as she pointed
the gun at Rei's head. Rei didn't flinch in the slightest.

"So was I," the girl responded, her eyes boring into Akagi's with
incredible intensity.

Akagi heard the words, but didn't try to understand them. She didn't
want to understand them. She feared that if she did, she would want to
use this gun on herself instead.

She hesitated. Basic morals were trying to keep her from killing Rei.
But...Gendo had ordered her to do it. The Commander. The man who
meant more to Ritsuko than she would ever let on. She couldn't let him
down, because that would mean losing him. She didn't want that to
happen.

She met Rei's gaze. In the girl's face, she could see another woman.
The woman that truly held Gendo's heart, leaving Ritsuko with the
dregs. The same woman her mother had seen in Rei. Suddenly, it became
much easier to pull the trigger.

A gunshot rang out across the landscape.

When the sound had died off, both of them were still standing.

For the second time in the day, Akagi was surprised. Her eyes widening
ever so slightly, she looked at her arm as though it had betrayed her.
At the last second, she had flinched, and aimed upwards to shoot over
Rei's head. The bullet was imbedded in a tree somewhere behind the
girl. Cursing at her own weakness, Akagi took aim again, swearing that
she wouldn't miss this time.

Her finger wouldn't move. Watching Rei standing calmly right in front
of her, Akagi just couldn't pull the trigger. As much as Ritsuko tried
to see Yui in that face, she could only see the girl that had written
that letter from the other day. The repressed girl, who understood so
little, but who wanted so badly to understand. Why did this have to be
so difficult? What was so terrible?

She gave up, and pocketed the gun, the suit's insulation protecting her
from the hot muzzle. "Go," she muttered, looking at the ground. "Get
out of my sight. And don't let anyone see you."

Rei said nothing. She merely turned, and started walking away.
Ritsuko watched the girl for a brief moment. Just as she looked away,
Rei looked over her shoulder. Ritsuko quickly looked back, but Rei had
already turned her head back to face forwards. But Ritsuko could have
sworn Rei had looked just a little...grateful.

"I'm just an idiot," Akagi thought, as she pulled her helmet and gloves
back on. She began to walk back to the work area.

As she walked, she pulled out her radio again, and called a new person.

"Hello, Maya?" she asked. "Yes...uh huh. Look, I need you to run a
program for me. It's on Melchior. The name is Conception...No,
actually only Commander Ikari has the password. You'll need to use
that back door I showed you...Of course you should keep it a secret.
No one else should know about this...Uh huh. Good. I'll be back in a
few hours."

***

A few days later, Doctor Akagi was showing no sign of her previous
trepidation. She stood next to Gendo Ikari, as they both looked at the
machinery working in front of them.

"I trust this version is as promised," Ikari said, after a while.

Ritsuko nodded. "We've made great advances since the first version.
This iteration is almost a perfect clone of the Angel down in Terminal
Dogma. We didn't have to use any human DNA to supplement it, this
time."

"Good. So it has a core, then?"

"Yes," Ritsuko said, quite certain of her answer. "An S2 engine, just
as promised." That one part had been what had been holding her back.
An S2 on this scale was much easier to make than an Eva-sized one, but
it had still taken years, with many, many failures along the way.

"Perfect," Gendo said. "Activate it, Akagi."

Ritsuko nodded. She took a remote control out of her pocket, and
looked at it for just a moment. Then she hit one of the many buttons
on the device.

"Soul transfer initiated," a computerized voice stated.

A cylinder lit up in front of them. It was full of LCL, just like an
Eva entry plug. But this cylinder was transparent. And in it floated
a naked Rei Ayanami.

"Soul transfer complete," the same voice said, after several minutes.

Rei III opened her eyes.

***

Gendo Ikari was not in his standard position, seated behind his desk.
Instead, he was standing on a catwalk above one of the enormous Eva
gantries, speaking on his cellular phone. The gantry he stood over was
empty; it had been Unit-00's.

"You found nothing?" he asked, his voice betraying none of his
surprise. "Very well. Return here for a debriefing."

He folded up the phone and leaned forwards on the railing to the
catwalk. His hands clenched tightly on the railing, until his knuckles
turned white.

"Damn..." he said to the air.

He heard two steps of footsteps come up his side. He turned his head
slightly to look. Coming up on him were Ritsuko Akagi, and Rei. Rei
was dressed in her school uniform and wrapped in bandages. There was
nothing damaged underneath the wrappings, but she had been ordered to
wear them, so she would. Appearances needed to be kept up; people
didn't just sit through an Eva explosion and come out unharmed.

So far, it looked like Rei was being accepted by the members of NERV.
Some people had noticed a few oddities, namely the holes in her
memories, but they were inconsequential. Of course, Gendo's son Shinji
had also encountered the new Rei. According to Shinji's guardian, the
boy had come running when he'd heard Rei had "survived". But Shinji
had realized very quickly that this was not the Rei he knew. Shinji
had been the closest thing Rei had ever had to an actual friend. And
if what Rei had told Akagi was right, she had wanted to get even
closer.

Gendo shook his head and turned to face Akagi. What Rei II had thought
didn't matter anymore. What his son thought was inconsequential, too.
Just one more Angel to go, and then it would all be over.

"Sir," Akagi said respectfully, nodding a little.

"How's the work with Rei going?" Gendo immediately began, not bothering
with any of the usual pleasantries.

"It seems she's responding well to activation, and is re-integrating
well. Her memories didn't carry over entirely, but they're
sufficient."

Gendo stood up straight and looked at Ritsuko. "I trust you told her
what she is?"

Akagi nodded. "Yes, as ordered. Nothing will be kept from Rei, this
time."

"Good." Gendo started walking slowly towards her. "Is that all?"

"Well, that's all for now, unless you want me to study her potential
for piloting Eva."

"Perhaps later." He paused for a moment, thinking. "Dr. Akagi, do you
know who just called me?"

Ritsuko stared at him for a moment, then shook her head.

"I've just received a call from my second recovery team," Gendo
continued, walking past her and looking off another side of the
catwalk. "You know what they found?"

He saw Akagi stiffen a little out of the corner of his eye. That
confirmed his suspicion of what had happened. Yet another person who
had betrayed him, who had broken when they should have held.

"What, sir?" Akagi asked, her voice remaining even. Gendo didn't reply
immediately; he let the Akagi wait for a while, letting her wonder what
he was thinking.

"Nothing," he said. "Nothing at all. Interesting, isn't it?" He
turned his head towards Ritsuko. "No body, no trace of a struggle or a
death. Just a single bullet in a tree trunk."

"Why'd you send a second team?" Ritsuko asked, her resolve faltering.

"Because you didn't bring back what I needed," Gendo replied, evenly.
"Now, tell me. How is it a young girl dies in the woods outside of
Tokyo-3, and leaves no trace?"

"Sir...I thought all you needed was her soul, for the new body. I
brought that much back, and destroyed the rest."

"Which is why you ran the Conception program, then?"

Again, Ritsuko stiffened. Gendo shook his head. "Of course I know,"
he said. "Very clever, spawning a new soul from Terminal Dogma,
instead of bringing back the old one. I suppose you supplemented Rei's
memories with the recordings we made for the Dummy Plug?"

Ritsuko remained silent. She didn't see a reason to say anything.
Gendo nodded, seeing this as confirmation of what he'd said. He looked
back over the catwalk, down to the ground several dozen stories below.

Akagi seemed to shrug it off. "Now, as for the tests on Rei," she
began. "With her new constitution, she can pretty much pick and choose
her synchro - "

She was cut off as Gendo took her firmly in his arms and forced a kiss
on her lips. She resisted at first, by reflex, but then relented, and
let him have his way, just as she always had.

She gasped as Gendo pushed her backwards against the railing. He broke
the kiss and pushed her further, until she was leaning halfway over the
railing. To the side, Rei watched dispationnately.

Gendo stared coldly at Ritsuko's face. "It would be truly tragic for
the main NERV scientist to fall from an Eva gantry, would it not?" He
pushed her a little further, until her balance shifted and the only
thing keeping Ritsuko from falling was Gendo's own arm strength. The
clipboard fell out of her grasp, falling a tremendous distance before
shattering on the ground, and sending its papers flying. Ritsuko
didn't scream; to do so would have meant him dropping her, she was
sure.

Gendo leaned closer to her. "I suggest you take a cue from Rei," he
said, quietly. "You do what you're ordered to."

At that, he pulled back, bringing Akagi with him. He deposited her on
her feet, and watched her sink to her knees.

"Weak," he said, commenting on her reaction. "But you will not disobey
me again. If Rei II survived, she must have been completed. You know
what that means."

Akagi managed a shaky nod.

"If it's so important to you, I need her core. It's a vital part to
the plan, Doctor. And I've come too far to have someone like _you_
destroy it."

When Ritsuko didn't respond, he turned and walked off, heading back to
his office.

After Gendo had left, Ritsuko managed to get up, using the railing for
support. She watched the door at the far end of the gantry close
behind him. Soon afterwards, she turned and threw up over the railing,
emptying her stomach. She felt tears leave her eyes, falling down to
the ground below.

She sank down again, falling into a sitting position and leaning
against the railing. She didn't move or speak for a long moment.

The moment was broken when Rei walked up next to her. The bandaged
girl looked down at her in an almost-disapproving way.

"Do you have further use of me?" the girl asked, her voice painfully
similar to the voice of the Rei from the forest.

Ritsuko managed to shake her head. "Just leave," she said, secretly
hoping Rei would take her literally and walk right out of Tokyo-3,
never to return. She'd had enough of this.

^Why did I ever choose Ikari, anyway?^ she thought, watching Rei leave.

"I mean nothing to him," she said to herself. "He doesn't..." she
trailed off. She waited until Rei had left the gantry, leaving her
alone, before she tried saying it again.

"He doesn't...love me."

She blinked after saying it. She knew it was true. She'd probably
always known. But she'd put up with it, taking comfort in his arms,
since it was the easiest way to escape, to find a feeling of security.

"A real man doesn't ask people to kill little girls," she mumbled to
herself, as tears started running down her cheeks. It hurt, realizing
this, but she'd known this day would come, eventually. Just not so
soon...

She looked at the ceiling. "Rei..." she mumbled. "I...I'm sorry."

***

In the descending darkness, Rei slowly moved through the remains of the
forest around Tokyo-3. She wore her white plugsuit, which still bore
the signs of the Sixteenth Angel's attack, as well as signs of normal
wear and tear from travelling.

She'd been walking for days now, trying to find her way. She was lost,
and she knew it. It was a new feeling, being lost. She'd never gone
anywhere "just for the hell of it". The list of places she went to was
exceedingly short : her apartment, school, and NERV were pretty much
it. She'd been to a few other places, of course, but those were mostly
one-time-only events, and she'd made sure she'd known exactly how to
get there before going. And so...she had no idea of how to cope with
being lost.

So for the past few days, she'd been doing the only logical thing she
could think of : walking in as straight a line as she could, hoping she
would eventually come upon something she recognized. But so far, it
had just been trees, trees, trees, and more trees. She'd changed
directions a few times, when the way she'd been going had seemed to be
the wrong one.

In addition to the new experience of not knowing where she was, she
felt different inside. As the Angel had collapsed within her, she'd
felt it...compress, somehow, draw together in her stomach. It felt
as though a large ice cube were in there, melting but never getting
smaller. Even when the Angel's mind had finally fallen apart, the
feeling had not receded. It was quite...intriguing.

At least she didn't feel tired. Actually, over the days of her
traveling, Rei had never once wanted to lie down. Neither had she felt
hungry. Both of those were plusses; she'd been told not to let anyone
see her. And if sleep and food were no longer on the list of
essentials, then it was that much easier to remain hidden.

Another new feeling was this...pull, of sorts. As though an intangible
hand were gently trying to drag her in one direction. Rei didn't
understand it, but she'd decided to ignore it for a while, figuring it
was one of the lingering effects of the Angel's assault. However, the
feeling had not receded. In fact, it had gotten stronger, to the point
where it was more like an order than just a faint suggestion. She'd
never been one to disobey orders, and in any case, one direction was as
good as another right now.

Her thoughts were focused solely on putting distance between herself
and the recovery team for Unit-00. However, she couldn't keep rogue
thoughts from entering into her mind. Like that Unit-00, formerly her
main reason for living, was now gone. And that a fair portion of
Tokyo-3 was gone with it. And that everyone thought her dead, although
she was not. She did her best not to be bothered by these things.

She finally came to the edge of the forest, and began to see buildings
appearing. Although the sun had set a few minutes ago, she still
quickly recognized the structures as the above-ground elements of NERV,
and the entrance to the Geofront underneath what remained of the city.

^Now why would I want to come here?^ she thought. ^Why would I be
getting pulled in this direction?^

She sat down and thought about it for a while. ^Perhaps the Commander
has some sort of recall system, in case I become lost.^

"You're searching for Adam."

Rei's looked up quickly to face the new speaker. She was quickly
looking at...herself.

She had no idea of where she - the other Rei - had come from. One
second, Rei had been all alone, and the next, here was another one of
her. There were many differences, though. For one, this new Rei was
dressed in the usual school uniform, even though the school had been
destroyed. She was also wearing several bandages, which Rei recognized
were in the exact same positions as the ones she'd been wearing back
before the Fourth Angel had been destroyed. But that face...it was a
perfect copy of what Rei looked like.

"Who are you?" Rei asked. The only thing she could think of was that
this gave a whole new meaning to 'talking to yourself.'

"I am Rei Ayanami," the bandaged Rei replied.

"That cannot be true," Rei said, standing up and looking at the one
visible red eye on the other girl. "I am Rei Ayanami."

The bandaged Rei began walking in a slow circle around the plug-suited
Rei.

"You are the second," the bandaged Rei began. "And I am the third. We
are both Rei Ayanami."

Rei II turned to follow her double's progress. "What do you mean?" she
asked, interested. She also felt another emotion : fear. She didn't
know how to deal with this feeling, and so she shut it out.

"I am your replacement," Rei III said, continuing her circle. "You
were believed to have been terminated by the Eva self-destruct." The
truly frightening thing was that she kept her voice even the whole
time.

"I did not die," Rei II replied. "I...lived. But I don't know how."

A flurry of thoughts were quickly going through her head. ^They told
me I could be replaced, that I wasn't special. But I always assumed
that meant they would find the next Child in the event of my death.
They had...a spare _me_?^

"You do not know?" Rei III asked, stopping her circling and tilting her
head a little. "I would assume the answer is obvious."

Rei II blinked. The answer was _not_ obvious, and the feelings of
inadequacy were making her even more afraid. Perhaps this copy of her
was in fact an _improved_ version, meant to replace an obsolete Rei?

Rei III closed the distance between them and tapped Rei II on the
stomach. "You carry the core of the 17th Angel, Ayanami."

Rei II blinked again. "I don't understand."

"Then..." Rei III stared at her clone, thinking. "Then you were not
informed of your makeup."

Rei II shook her head.

"The Ayanamis are an effort to create an artificial form of the beings
known as Angels," Rei III began, in the same monotone. "The First was
an experimental version, and highly imperfect. It needed to be
supplemented with DNA from a human donor."

Rei II listened, silently wishing her double wouldn't call this
'First' an 'it'. She also wondered who this human donor had been.

"The Second was a joint entity, created in conjunction with Eva Unit-
00. It was a regression in some ways, in that it was over fifty
percent human whereas the First had been only thirty percent. Most of
the Angel genes were integrated into the Eva itself."

^I'm bonded to it...^ Rei II thought. That had been her answer when
Ikari - the pilot, not the Commander - had asked her why she piloted
Eva. She'd just been reciting something Dr. Akagi had told her, that
time. It looked like Dr. Akagi had known much more than what she'd
said.

Rei II looked at the ground, thinking. "And now half of my life is
gone..." she mumbled to herself. She wanted to believe what she was
hearing was a lie, but she found that to be impossible. She felt
certain that her other self was telling her the hard truth.

"Negative," Rei III answered, in the same emotionless tone. "It was
predicted that when you terminated the Angel by destroying your Eva,
the relevant essence of the Eva moved into you through your enhanced
link to it. The Second is no longer a joint being, but a single
entity."

"But..." Rei II tried to say. It was a little too much to take in all
at once. An ordinary person probably would have passed out or run away
by now. ^I'm not human, though, am I...^ she thought.

"But," Rei II tried, again, "But I don't...don't have the core of an
Angel..." She sank to her knees, knowing the truth to be otherwise.

"Again, negative," Rei III asked, looking down passively at her
predecessor. "The invasion of the Sixteenth into your body, as well as
the infusion of Unit-00, have completed your base constitution. An
Angel core has manifested itself within your body."

Rei II hugged herself, right over where she could still feel that cold
lump, sitting in her abdomen. ^Is that...it?^

"The core is why you are alive," Rei III said, turning her gaze towards
NERV.

"An AT field..." Rei II said, softly, as it clicked in her mind. "I
generated one, to preserve myself."

Rei III didn't respond.

"And so...I'm an Angel." She fell backwards, sitting down hard.

Rei III waited patiently as her clone thought it over. She looked
impationnately at the NERV buildings, studying them at this distance.
She heard a sob, but didn't turn. When more sobs followed, however,
she did turn.

Rei II was crying. She was hugging her legs to her body, and resting
her forehead on her knees. Tears fell freely from her eyes, and she
didn't even seem to notice.

Rei III watched, interested. "Why do you cry?" she asked. She'd cried
only once before, and she didn't know what it meant. Angels weren't
supposed to cry.

"I...I..." Rei II tried to get out.

"What?" Rei III asked, unforgiving.

"I..." her voice lowered to less than a whisper. "I just wanted...to
tell him..."

"Tell who? Tell what?"

Rei II shook her head, still crying. "I can't. I won't see him again,
because...now I'm the next Angel."

"No."

That one little word was all it took for Rei II's hopes to start rising
again. She looked up, her face still moist. "What?"

"You are not the Seventeenth Angel."

"But you said I had the core."

"Yes. You have the core, but you are not the Seventeenth."

"But..." Rei II wiped her face dry with her gloved fingers. "I don't
understand."

"I'm here to reclaim the core."

"But how? I - " she cut off as she felt the air harden around her,
freezing her in place. She tried to move, and couldn't. It was as
though someone had sealed her into concrete.

^An AT field...^ she thought. ^But not mine. Then...^ she looked into
the other Rei's eye. Rei III had the same calm expression, and was
slowly walking towards her.

^Then they succeeded with the Third,^ she thought. ^They made an
Angel. But then what happens to me...^

Rei III was upon her. She knelt down next to Rei II. Her good arm -
the one not in a sling - moved towards Rei II. Towards the
core underneath.

^No...^ Rei II thought. ^She's going to...she can't...I don't want to
die, not like this...^ She tried to struggle, but it was just an
exercise in futility.

The AT field changed slightly, cutting her plugsuit open at the
stomach. Rei III's hand moved through the opening...and sank into Rei
II.

Rei II was unable to scream, due to the field restricting her.
Unimaginable pain flooded her mind as her body somehow flowed out of
the way, allowing Rei III access to what she'd come for. Rei III
grabbed a hold of something, and pulled. As the hand came out, Rei
II's body healed just as quickly as it had been damaged. She felt a
thick lump leave her body, and then her flesh knit back together,
before consciousness left.

Rei III's hand emerged, bloodless and holding a small red orb about the
size of a baseball. She stood and dropped her AT field, letting the
still form of Rei II slump to the ground. She then studied the orb
carefully. The extraction process had gone exactly as she'd planned it
to. The S2 engine was undamaged and still functional. It was exactly
what the Commander wanted. And what the Commander wanted, Rei did.
There was no alternative, in Rei III's mind.

Her gaze flickered downwards as she heard the faint sound of breathing.
Interesting. So the Second had not expired with the removal of the
core. Rei III stared at her double, feeling the life underneath that
was somehow still in existence.

It was impossible for the Second to still be alive. If she had been
completed, then the removal of her core would have killed her outright.

Then she remembered the tears the Second had shed. Perhaps the
Second's extra human portions had proven to be a benefit, instead of
just a second-rate substitute for Angel genes. It seemed her clone's
human half had taken over, now that the Angel half was gone. Rei III
thought it over, feeling that she should check with Dr. Akagi.

In any case, her mission was a success. She had not heard the
Commander say that the Second was to be terminated, simply that he
wanted the core. And now, the core was in her possession. All that
remained was to give it to him.

She walked a short distance into the forest, still studying her
acquisition. She walked behind a tree...and didn't come out from
behind it. It was as though she'd simply disappeared.

***

Gendo Ikari read the latest communication from his contact in SEELE.
As usual, it was a short letter, sent through so many relay stations
that it would be impossible to trace. After several seconds, he
crumpled it up and threw it away. He then punched his desk with one
hand; anger was something he permitted himself, but only when no one
was watching.

"Dammit," he said, quietly. "You should have forgotten you had a
conscience, Akagi," he said to the air.

He shouldn't have been in his office at the time; there was currently
an alert going on. A blue pattern had been detected somewhere just
outside of the NERV buildings. It had been a very strong AT field, but
it had only been in existence for a few seconds. Gendo was not
worried; the Seventeenth Angel could not be here yet, and the Dead Sea
Scrolls predicted no more than seventeen Angels.

However, appearances still needed to be kept up. The Third Child -
Gendo rarely even _thought_ of Shinji as his son anymore - was on
standby, ready to use Unit-02. Gendo had made it quite clear that
Unit-01 was not to be used, even in emergencies.

What was really on his mind was that SEELE was still trying to develop
their own artificial Angel. Gendo was not supposed to know about this,
but he had his ways of finding out. He had done nothing to stop the
project; in fact, he was prepared to help, indirectly of course. All
he needed to do was send the essential S2 engine to a certain SEELE
scientist, who would then 'discover' it and use it in the project. And
so the Seventeenth Angel would come, much sooner than it would have if
SEELE had taken the years required to make their own Angel core.

"Sir."

Gendo didn't bother to turn around. Akagi had warned him that the new
Rei was different. He had _known_ he was alone just a moment ago, but
it didn't matter. Rei was with him, now.

"You'd better not do that too often, Rei," he said.

"Acknowledged. Sir, is this what you wanted?"

Gendo turned, now. He looked at the blue-haired girl, and then at what
she was holding. There, in her hand, was the oh-so-necessary human-
sized S2 engine.

Gendo was instantly suspicious. "You removed your own?" he asked.

Rei shook her head slightly. "I found the Second, sir, and obtained
what you were trying to find."

Gendo took a step towards her. "This..." he paused to collect himself.
"This is the core of your previous self, then."

Rei nodded.

_Now_ Gendo smiled. Rei did not mirror the gesture, though. Gendo was
slightly disappointed; the second Rei would have smiled back. No
matter. Now, everything was going according to plan, again.

He took the offered sphere, surprised at its weight. "Good work," he
said, unable to hold back a _few_ words of praise. "Now get back to
your quarters. You know you're not supposed to be here, Rei."

Rei nodded, and left, this time using the door.

Gendo rolled the ball around in his fingers as he grabbed his phone and
started calling the people he'd need to contact.

***

Back out in the woods, Rei was still breathing. Her hands clenched
into a pair of loose fists. She opened her eyes, and was greeted by
the sight of the stars. She looked at them for several minutes,
letting consciousness return. Then, she concentrated, using raw
willpower force her body to sit up.

She felt sick. This was another new feeling; she'd never been sick,
before. Her entire body just wanted to lie down and go back to sleep,
but at the same time it wanted to vomit. There was also a burning
pain in her stomach, but a quick check showed no visible harm.

It felt like an eternity passed as she tried to get to her feet. Her
legs could barely support her, and her breathing was ragged. How had
her strength left her so completely?

She felt her heart thudding in her chest with the exertion. She lay
her hand over it. She still that, at least. An ordinary heart, and
not some Angel core. It comforted her; it reminded her that something
in her was still human.

She was dizzy from weakness, but knew that she couldn't stay out here.
It was quickly getting colder, and she could be hurt if she remained
outside all night. She needed to seek shelter.

Her logical side quickly gave a few suggestions. The obvious place to
go would be NERV. It was close by, and she was somewhat familiar with
the the layout of its maze-like corridors. She could hide indefinitely
there. If not there, then her apartment...no, that last one wouldn't
work. This...third Rei would be living there, now. Because now, _she_
was the Rei everyone assumed was the real Rei.

But at the same time, her emotions - which had somehow _gained_ in
strength, as opposed to the rest of her - were pushing her in another
direction. Even though NERV was the logical choice, she wanted to go
to Ikari-kun's...no, Major Katsuragi's apartment. It made some logical
sense; it was far enough from the blast radius that it had most likely
survived Unit 00's destruction, supposing it had been underground when
that had happened. But why go there?

She was aware of a feeling of loneliness, an empty feeling she couldn't
really place. She already didn't like the sensation. But it was also
the explanation for why she wanted to go to the Katsuragi apartment.
Now that she knew the man who'd been her surrogate father for years had
been a liar from the beginning, she wanted...no, _needed_ to go to
someone she knew cared about her. And she only knew of one person like
that.

She quickly made her decision about where to go. She started walking,
stumbling quite a bit, heading for a place she'd only been to once
before. Every once in a while, she'd put a hand on her chest, if
anything to assure herself that she was still alive.

***

Asuka Sohryuu Langley did not appear to notice when she heard the faint
knocking on the door to the apartment. She heard it all right, but she
didn't want to move. Anyone who should be here would have a key to the
door. And in any case, she wanted to be alone.

Even though it was the dead of night, she couldn't sleep. Over the
past few days, she had barely come out of her room. Most people
assumed it was because she'd been mind-raped by the Fifteenth Angel.
For the first few days, that had been true. But she'd put those old
memories away, the same as she had every other time they'd tried to
come back. The real reason she was here was because she'd failed.
Again.

She rolled over, her eyes still wide open. She'd failed. That was all
she could think about. On this last Angel, she hadn't even been able
to start her Eva. She'd failed so _horrendously_ that there was no
longer any question of who was the best. The invincible Shinji. God,
how she hated that name. She wished she'd never come here. Back in
Germany, she'd been the top of the heap, the one who'd been piloting
Eva since grade school. And all that training had been worth precisely
jack shit.

She'd always been in competition with those other two for who was
better. Well, maybe they hadn't known it was a competition, but it had
been that way for her. There had always been some question of who was
the best. Until lately, Shinji had been too wimpy to fight really
well, and Wondergirl...well, she knew what she was about, but she was
always all _business_. No intensity in her fighting. Asuka, now
_she'd_ had the intensity. She always fought for all she was worth, to
prove to herself and everyone else that she was worth all that
training. And she'd failed to do that.p

And so, for the past few days, she'd been in a deep funk, playing video
games at Hikari's. At least she could win at _those_. But now, Hikari
was gone, and she'd had to stay here.

The knocking had continued while she'd been busy pitying herself. And
it showed no signs of stopping, either. Asuka eventually gave up and
got off the bed, for the first time all day. She dragged herself
towards the door. She wished she could get angry at being interrupted,
but everything seemed so _pointless_ now that she couldn't even do
that, anymore. It was yet another failure on her part, at least the
way she saw it.

She finally got to the door and laboriously pushed it open. She didn't
bother to check who it was; she almost hoped it would be someone
dangerous, so they'd kill her and put her out of her misery.

On the other side stood Rei Ayanami, who for some reason was wearing a
tattered plugsuit and had both arms wrapped around her stomach.

"Help...me..." Rei mumbled.

Asuka didn't respond for a moment. Sitting in front of her was the
girl who had been her enemy since day one. She hadn't even wanted to
be _friends_. What kind of sorry bitch didn't want to to get to know
Asuka Sohryuu Langley? And Rei had always been dissing her since then,
anyhow. The girl never wanted to do _anything_. Asuka knew it was
wrong, but she'd been secretly happy to hear Rei's Eva had self-
destructed while she was in it. It had meant there was one less
problem to worry about.

But _then_ Misato had said Rei was still alive. Wondergirl didn't even
have the common decency to _die_ when her Eva blew up! She had always
been one-upping Asuka. And now...here she was, standing in her
doorway, and begging for help.

Asuka would have _killed_ to get a moment like this. But it was just a
little too perfect...

"All right," Asuka said, leaning against the door. "Who ordered you to
come here? They trying to say 'cheer up'?"

Rei stared at her incredulously.

"I gotta say, works better than Katsuragi tryin' to help. But it still
won't work, Wondergirl. Just go on back to your master."

"Wh...what?"

"Go on, go back to him like a good little doll."

"...I...I am not a - "

Asuka cut her off with a slap to the cheek, just like the one she'd
given Rei before in the elevator. But it was different this time.
Back then, Rei had barely even seemed to notice, or care. But this
time, she looked like she'd been really hurt. Her head turned away
sharply, and her hand went to her cheek as her jaw clenched in pain.
Asuka couldn't help smiling a little. She'd made the resident Ice
Queen show emotion. Finally, a victory.

"Yes. You. Are." Asuka said, knowing Rei had been about to say she
wasn't a doll. ^That's all she is. A doll. A _thing_ that does
whatever it's told to. She's so useless.^ Asuka was so concerned
with mentally putting down Rei that she didn't notice the tears going
down the albino girl's cheeks.

"Now get out of my sight. You hear that, Wondergirl? I _order_ you to
get out of my sight. And don't fucking come back, either!" With that,
she slammed the door in Rei's face and whirled around, stomping off
back to her room.

She didn't show it, but she was happier than she'd been beforehand.
The anger had come. And seeing Wondergirl like that, even if it was
just an act they'd made her put on, was an image she wanted to keep
with her for as long as possible. A slight smile creased her lips as
she went back to her room, closing the door behind her.

***

Rei didn't know what to think anymore. She'd come here to try and find
someone who cared, and instead had just found another enemy. Had
Ikari-kun known she was out here? If he had...and he hadn't done
anything...

She blocked out those thoughts; they were too disturbing. She turned
her head and coughed violently, her whole body shaking. Her legs
wobbled, and she staggered, using the wall for support. She couldn't
fall, yet. If she did, she probably wouldn't get back up.

She couldn't give up, just yet. Yes, Sohryuu had just ordered her to
do something, but the Second Child had never been her commander,
anyway. Rei waited in the doorway, waiting until she was sure Sohryuu
was gone. She also took the chance to catch her breath. The walk here
had taken more out of her than she'd have guessed, and the burning in
her stomach had gotten progressively worse. It was almost too much to
bear, now.

After she'd rested for a moment, she tried the door handle. It moved
with her hand, and the door slid aside. Still holding her chest, which
began to hurt again as she started moving, she stumbled inside, closing
the door behind her. At least the Second had forgotten to re-lock the
door.

She looked around. The basic layout of the apartment looked no
different from what it had been back at the Seventh Angel, when she'd
come here for the first time. She moved across the living room and
down a hallway, finding that the doorways had been very conveniently
marked. Although she didn't understand what the little hearts were
for, it was useful to know whose room was whose. She stopped in front
of the door marked, "Shinji's lovely room". Without any hesitation,
she slid the door aside and walked in.

It was dark inside. Rei shut the door behind her, hoping Sohryuu
hadn't heard her come in. She let her eyes adjust to the darkness as
she stepped in.

She quickly found that there was no one in the room. Too tired to try
and search the rest of the apartment, Rei sat down on the floor, they
lay down flat on her back, both hands resting on her chest. Where
would he be? Rei ran over several possibilities. He could be at NERV,
though why he'd be there in the middle of the night was an enigma.
Maybe...

Rei felt panic rise in her as she thought that perhaps Ikari-kun was
with Sohryuu at the moment. Would those two...no, she didn't want to
think about that right now. It would be too much for one day, and Rei
didn't like the way those thoughts made her emotions flare.

She was too tired to get up. She'd been tired back in the woods, and
walking here had been no help. Her feet hurt, every muscle in her body
was sore, and currently it felt like her arms weighed a ton each. She
closed her eyes. Ikari-kun would come here eventually. She would
wait.

***

"So, good thing it wasn't really an Angel, huh?" Maya Ibuki said, as
she drove down the street.

"Unnnngghhh," replied the groggy mass that was Major Misato Katsuragi.

"Poor Shinji'd have to go out for the second time in less than a
week," Maya continued, glancing over her shoulder at the sleeping boy
in the back seat. "Sempai thinks driving an Eva when he's tired could
be dangerous."

"Unnnngghhh."

"But anyway, all we really had to do was keep an eye open. I mean,
yeah, it was seven hours of waiting, but I think it's better than
having to fight, right?"

"Unnnngghhh."

"We at least got to sit down. Poor Shinji had to wait in Eva-02."

"Unnnngghhh."

"And we had plenty of coffee for the bridge crew."

"Unnnngghhh."

"Too bad Hyuuga-kun drank it all before you could get any."

Misato didn't respond this time; she'd finally fallen asleep. Maya
sighed and shook her head, as she kept driving. Misato would have to
bum a ride off someone the next time she went to NERV, since all she'd
been capable of doing back before they'd left was dragging herself into
Maya's car.

Misato and Shinji hadn't been doing too well in the sleep department
lately. Shinji couldn't sleep because of his nightmares, which had
gotten significantly worse since the Sixteenth Angel. Seeing someone
he knew willingly blow herself up...Maya didn't think she'd be able to
take it, either. This of course was bad news for Misato, who made a
point of staying up when either of her two wards was having trouble
sleeping. Since Asuka hadn't been sleeping well since the Fifteenth,
Misato hadn't gotten a good night's rest for weeks, now.

They finally made it to the apartment. Maya managed to shake Misato
awake, and then she threw Shinji over her shoulder and led the near-
comatose Major up to her apartment. By the time Misato had finished
finding which key would open the door, Shinji had woken up, and Maya
put him down.

Both of them thanked the technician before stumbling into the
apartment. Maya considered following them in, but figured that
wouldn't really be necessary. Shrugging, she turned and headed back to
her car.

***

Shinji Ikari was still groggy, but he was better off than Misato, who
looked about ready to pass out on the spot. He stumbled over to the
purple-haired woman.

"I'm going to sleep, Misato-san," he said.

"Huh? Thaza good idea, uh...uh..." Misato started snapping her
fingers, trying to remember something.

"Shinji?"

"Oh yeaaaahh. Thaza good idea, _Shinji_. You go sleep. Bye bye."
With that, she collapsed, conveniently falling on top of Shinji, who
only barely kept his balance. Shinji grunted, the exertion waking him
up a bit more. After some indecision, he decided he could at least
take Misato to her room.

So, he draped Misato's arms around his neck, and started off down the
hallway, trying not to notice the trail of drool Misato was leaving
behind. He grunted with each step. How had Misato gotten so _heavy_?

"You need to lose some weight, Misato-san."

There was no response. Maybe it was the fatigue, or maybe it was just
that once you sit through enough explosions, nothing really scares you
anymore. For whatever reason, Shinji decided to press his luck.

"And you could cut back on the drinking, too. I mean, you've managed
to come home and throw up every weekend, now. That _is_ kind of
silly."

"Unnngghh," Misato moaned out, again. "Kaji izat you?"

Now _why_ would she mention Kaji, of all people? Maybe it was the
situation. Although Shinji couldn't understand why Kaji would have
carried Misato anywhere. Of course, there was no one he could ask
about that, since the only one who would know was Misato, and she
hadn't talked about Kaji since...well, since that night. Maybe sleep
just made people hallucinate. Yeah, that had to be it.

With no small effort, Shinji managed to push aside the door to Misato's
room. He was instantly confronted with what had to be the sloppiest
room on the face of the Earth. Beer cans littered the floor, and
clothes were scattered everywhere. Shinji tried to to notice the lacy
underwear thrown over the closet door, but his hormones reacted faster
than the rest of him. ^She's my _guardian_,^ he thought. ^I can't
think like that.^

At least Misato slept on a futon. He didn't think he'd be strong
enough to lever the woman onto a bed. After unceremoniously dumping
the woman onto said futon, he managed to get out without tripping on
the beer cans, which was an achievement in itself. He was suddenly
very glad Misato didn't make him clean out her and Asuka's room.

He got out and closed the door behind him. He then managed to get to
his room and threw himself onto his bed without bothering to close the
door behind him.

He was starting to go to sleep when he started thinking he could smell
something dirty. Kind of a mix of blood and dirt. He rolled over and
sniffed at his hands. Funny, they still smelled clean. Maybe it had
just been from Misato hanging on him.

"Ikari-kun..." he heard a familiar voice mumble. He didn't bother
turning over; the sound had been so faint he decided he could just pass
it off as his imagination. Anyway, if Misato could mistake him for
Kaji, he could mistake a gust of wind for Ayanami's voice.

Right?

***

Rei woke up the next morning as the sunlight fell on her face. Her
eyes snapped open immediately, but she didn't move for several seconds.

^Did all that happen last night?^ she wondered. ^Or was it just a
dream?^

She looked back and forth, without moving her head. She was on the
floor, in an unfamiliar room. Why was she here? She looked at
herself. She was wearing a plugsuit, sort of. This one was covered in
dirt and dried LCL. It also had a few rips in it, the biggest being a
vertical across her abdomen.

She sat up and fingered the cut. Underneath, she felt unharmed; the
burning sensation had finally left her. But the feeling of loneliness
remained. Rei sighed to herself, realizing this. She'd never really
known what it was like to feel lonely before. But she was still quite
sure that she didn't like it.

She looked over to her left at the sound of movement. There, in the
bed, was Ikari-kun. He'd turned over in his sleep, and his face was
now clearly visible. Rei froze, watching him. Then, something
unexpected happened.

She felt the corners of her mouth lift up, almost as though they'd
taken on a life of their own. Rei was surprised, but understood at the
same time. In many ways, it was like after the Fifth Angel : she was
happy. Though she hadn't understood then, she had a better grip now on
why she would feel that way. It looked like her waiting had paid off;
he was here.

Her smile fell when she saw a single tear starting to go down his face.
More out of worry than interest in this display of emotion, Rei crept
closer.

"She's gone..." he said, suddenly, causing Rei to freeze up, eyes
widening. "She's still dead..."

^What is he talking about?^ Rei leaned in, listening.

"That's not Ayanami..." he said, finally. Then he took a deep breath
and pulled the blanket a little tighter around himself.

^Ah. He's met my replacement,^ Rei thought. It made logical sense.
Ikari-kun had gotten to know her much better than most of the other
NERV personnel, so he would notice whatever differences might be there.

Rei found herself leaning in closer. _This_ did not make logical
sense. What was she doing? Why? She didn't understand. And yet, she
didn't stop, either. She positioned her face to be just above Ikari-
kun's, her short hair falling down around her face.

"I'm still here," she whispered. He groaned a little, causing Rei to
frown. She didn't want to hurt him.

"I'm still alive, Ikari-kun. Don't cry." She reached down and
carefully brushed the tear away. "Please don't cry over me."

He groaned again, this time smiling, just a little. Rei smiled too.
Maybe she'd helped. She found that she liked seeing him happy.

She also found herself considering the position she was in. Just a
little closer, and their lips...

She blinked rapidly. When had she started thinking like this? It was
too strange. Maybe more had changed last night than just the removal
of a core.

"Smells like blood," Shinji said, his smile falling.

Rei blinked some more. Then, she slowly brought her wrist up to her
nose. Sure enough, there was the scent of LCL, which did bear a
remarkable resemblance to blood. ^I hate blood,^ she thought. ^It
appears he does, as well.^

Very well. If neither of them liked the smell of blood, then something
would have to be done about it. Rei immediately took what seemed to be
the best course of action.

***

Shinji woke up several minutes later, his sleep having been disturbed
as usual by bad dreams. They'd gotten no better, although he was
sleeping through the night now. Almost every night now, he'd had the
same one: of seeing Ayanami injured and dying, and him unable to help.
And then she'd exploded...

It might have been bearable, had she just been gone. But no, it wasn't
that simple. Ayanami was dead, but they'd brought in someone else.
Someone who looked so much like her there was no way to tell them
apart, at least physically. Too bad only he knew truth. That girl
he'd met in the hall was not her. She had barely even recognized him.
And what was this about being the third? It didn't make any sense.

But right at the end of the dream...it had gotten nicer. The images of
Ayanami dying were replaced by earlier pictures, of her when she was
still alive. He still remembered that one time he'd seen her smile.
And later, when he'd seen her cheeks turn a definite red after he'd
cleaned up her apartment. They weren't much, but those were the few
moments when Ayanami had looked like a normal girl, and not some Eva
pilot who appeared to have no emotions.

He considered going back to sleep, but he didn't want to risk having
those nightmares again. In addition, he heard Misato dragging herself
past his still-open door. She glanced in on him as she went by.

"Goodmornin', Shinjikun," she slurred out, still groggy. It looked
like her alarm clock had gone off a little too early for her taste.

Shinji said good morning back, but he was pretty sure she didn't hear
him. Misato kept going, heading to the kitchen to get her morning beer
buzz.

After some debating, he eventually crawled out of the bed himself. It
was then that he noticed the sound of the shower running. ^So Asuka
finally got out of her room,^ he thought. ^Good.^ Although he didn't
admire the way Asuka was handling things, it was good to know the girl
was starting to pick up the pieces.

He set about getting dressed for the day. He briefly considered
wearing something other than the school uniform, but decided against
it; he had to go to NERV today for another test with Unit-01, and he
always went there in his school clothes.

He was pulling on his shirt when he happened to look in the corner of
his room, at his cello. Maybe he'd play some today; it wasn't like
there was much else to do, not with everyone and everything gone.

He also saw a familiar mass of white material, thrown over the back of
the chair he usually sat in while practicing the cello. He didn't
believe his eyes at first. But, he still wanted to check.

He didn't really notice that he'd closed the distance to the chair so
quickly; it was just one moment he was looking at it, and the next he
was there. He carefully picked up the white plugsuit and let it hang
in front of him. He looked it over, incredulous. Why was _this_ here?
Ayanami was dead...

So that was it. Someone must have sent it here, once they were through
with it. With Unit-00 gone, it wasn't like Ayanami - or whoever that
girl was - was going to be using an Eva anytime soon. So, they'd sent
what was left of her to him. But why? Maybe...well, he hadn't ever
seen Ayanami talking with anyone else, really. Maybe they'd just
wanted her friend to have it.

It was a crazy, pointless gesture for someone to give him this. That
meant it must have been Misato's idea. He'd have to thank her later.

He wrapped his arms around the tattered suit, hugging it close to his
body. This was all that was left of Rei...the old Rei, anyway. Why
were his eyes going moist? Well, Rei had been an...aquaintance, at
least. Maybe a friend. Maybe...well, he wasn't sure of his feelings
for her, even now. She'd never really been an easy person to talk to.
But he'd felt close to her, anyway. Closer than to pretty much anyone
else, really.

He smelled something familiar. He looked down at the suit, noticing
the condition it was in. Dirt and LCL were smeared all over it. So
_that_ was what he'd been smelling last night. But he could
almost smell sweat. As though someone had just been wearing it...

It was then that the shower stopped running. Shinji sighed quite
audibly and walked over to his closet, opening the door and looking for
a place to put the plugsuit. Asuka and Rei had very nearly been
enemies; or so he'd guessed, anyhow. If the German girl saw him with
this, there was no telling what she'd do.

After squeezing the suit against himself one last time, he folded it up
in his arms and started pushing things aside in an effort to make room.
In the background, he heard someone walk into his room. ^Oh, shoot, I
gotta hurry. I should've thought Asuka would want to say her 'Guten
Morgen', like everything's normal.^

"Just a second," he said loudly, finally managing to chuck the plugsuit
up onto the top shelf of his closet. Hopefully Asuka wouldn't look
there. He didn't hear anyone leaving the room, which meant Asuka was
still here. ^Great, now I need to explain what I'm doing, and make it
believeable.^ His day was not starting out very well.

He stepped back, closed the door, and turned to face his visitor,
already taking a breath to try and think up something that would
satisfy Asuka's inevitable question.

The breath left him immediately when he saw that he was now face-to-
face with Rei Ayanami, instead.

The girl looked at him curiously. Shinji took one look at her and
quickly averted his gaze. This was too surreal. She was currently
dressed in a towel around her shoulders, and nothing else. It was not
unlike that rather awkward situation from about a year back.

He felt panic rising in him when he saw Rei walking towards him, again
exactly like before. ^Quick!^ he thought. ^Quick, find what you're
carrying that she wants! Is it...uh, no glasses here. Maybe its - ^

His thoughts stopped abruptly as Rei threw her arms around him and
pulled him into a tight embrace, burying her face into his shoulder.

Shinji's mind locked, along with his body. A hundred thousand thoughts
went through his head all at once, as he tried to figure this out.

Rei did not let go, but she did eventually look into his face. "Good
morning, Ikari-kun," she said, as though nothing out of the ordinary
was going on. Shinji's gaze was quickly held by those blood-red eyes.
In an odd way, they were pretty eyes. And Shinji noticed that this
time, it wasn't a cold stare. In fact, it was almost...warm.

"Uh..." Shinji said, slowly regaining control over his tongue.
"Uh...Ayanami..."

"I didn't die," she said, still looking at him. "I heard you talking
in your sleep. I didn't die."

Shinji finally came to the conclusion that made the most sense : he was
still asleep, and this was a dream. That's what it had to be. This
was _sort_ of like when he'd visited Ayanami's apartment for the first
time. So he was still just having a memory dream.

Well, if it wasn't real, then he could play it out to its end. "I know
that, Ayanami," he said. "But you're _so_ different now. You can
barely even remember my name. It's like you died, and they just gave
me back someone who looks a lot like you. But it isn't you." He
wished he could return the embrace she was giving him; even if it was a
dream, he wanted to be able to hold her, just for once, to know she was
there. But currently his arms were pinned to his sides by the
surprisingly strong girl in front of him.

Rei shook her head, looking a little surprised. "No, I told you. I
lived through the explosion. And...then..." her breath caught as she
tried to continue. She eventually cleared her throat and tried again,
this time looking away and resting her head on his chest.

"I've never known what it's like to be lonely, Ikari-ku...Shinji-kun.
But I know that's what I'm feeling now. Please just let it be like
this for another minute."

Shinji nodded, his tongue having failed him again. He bent his arms at
the elbows, working around Rei's grasp and managing a weak hug of his
own around her waist. ^Man, do I have weird dreams. I wonder if Touji
thinks like this.^

"Shinji-kun!" came Misato's voice from down the hall. She was much
more cheerful, now that she'd had her morning beer. "Shinji-kun, I
have to leave early for work and I..." she trailed off as she came into
the doorway. She looked at a naked Rei holding a Shinji whose shirt
was still unbuttoned. She stared for a good twenty seconds, mouth
hanging open. Shinji met her gaze, but didn't let go of Rei.

Misato eventually looked at the beer can she'd been holding, then back
at the pair. "I think I'll just forget I saw this," she said, before
going back to the kitchen, intending to get hammered a little earlier
than she usually did.

"Man, my dreams just keep getting weirder," Shinji said, voicing his
most recent thought.

Rei turned to look at him again. "Did you mean this is a dream?" she
asked, questioningly.

Shinji looked back and forth nervously, as he began to doubt his
earlier conclusion. "Uh...yeah, I guessed so."

"Interesting," Rei said, cocking her head. "I don't believe it is."

It crashed down on Shinji with the force of a tidal wave. He wasn't
dreaming this. An unclothed Rei was pressing him up against her, and
he was...

For the second time in the morning, Shinji seemed to defy the laws of
physics, instantaneously breaking out of Rei's grasp and putting a good
meter and a half between him and her. He looked away quickly, turning
an impressive beet red.

"I didn't see anything!" he began, trying to cover as best he could.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I thought I was still asleep and I didn't
mean to do that! I'm sorry!"

"Are you embarassed, seeing me like this?" Rei asked, walking up to him
again. Shinji turned his back to her; his eyes kept wandering to
places they shouldn't. And he didn't want Rei to see the _other_ way
he was reacting to her lack of clothing.

"Well I, uh, that is, uh...yeah."

"Very well."

Shinji remained frozen as he heard rustlings behind him. He didn't
turn around when Rei said she was clothed, either. He was still too
embarassed to move. Rei had to turn him around herself, letting him
see that she was now dressed in one of his spare school uniforms.

"How is this?" she asked.

"I...uh...it's better," he managed to stammer out.

"Good," she said. Another second later, she'd grabbed onto him again.
Shinji briefly considered running away, getting out of here and getting
out of this extremely odd situation. But he shook it off. He couldn't
run away anymore; people were depending on him. Instead, he just
decided to enjoy the moment, again holding Rei against him.

"So..." he said, not really knowing what to say in this situation.
"How are you here?"

Rei released him, something that left Shinji feeling disappointed,
though he didn't quite understand why. She sat down on his bed,
looking at the floor as she started talking. "When the
Angel...attacked me, I wanted to live, so badly, but I also wanted to
protect you. So," she continued, cutting off Shinji, who looked like
he'd been about to say something, "I...survived, due to the Angel's
intervention. And then I ran away. The Angel had hurt my mind, and
I...needed to be alone."

Shinji nodded. If the Fifteenth Angel could invade people's minds,
then the Sixteenth probably could, too. And Asuka had wanted to be
alone for a while. Why not Rei?

Rei continued, feeling no small measure of guilt that she was cutting
out a few essential parts of the story. "I eventually returned to the
city and...came here. I needed to see you, Shinji-kun. Because..."
she took a breath to collect herself. "Because I was tired of being
alone, and I needed to go somewhere where I knew someone would care
about me." At least that much was true.

Shinji wanted to ask quite a few questions, like how Rei could
apparently be in two places at once. If she'd run away, and was only
just now coming back, then how could she have been at NERV just
yesterday? But...he found he couldn't ask, looking at the girl in
front of him. Rei looked tired. And alone, like she'd said. When had
she gotten in touch with her feelings, like that?

Shinji sat down next to her, this time taking the intiative and putting
his arms around her. It actually felt kind of nice.

"Th...thank you..." Rei said, sounding very unfamiliar with the words.

"Well, you got here, Ayanami," he said, finally. "So now what?" He
immediately regretted asking that question. How was Ayanami supposed
to know? But he didn't know, either...

"Rei..." she said.

"What?"

"Sh...Shinji-kun, why didn't you ever call me by my first name?"

Shinji shrugged as best he could. "You didn't ask me to," he said,
truthfully.

"Then I'm asking you now. Call me Rei. Please," she said, looking at
him.

Shinji looked at her. She looked like she was on the verge of crying.
One small part of him was amazed that _Rei_ of all people could react
that way. The rest of him couldn't stand to see another tearful face,
and wanted to help.

"Uh..." he stuttered. "Aya...uh, Rei, I'm honored, I guess. You..."
he took a second to choose his words. "You know you can come here
whenever you need help."

"There...there is something else I think I would like, right now."

"What?"

Rei showed him. She moved her head upwards, tilting her head and
pressing her lips against his. Shinji stiffened again, his eyes
widening for a moment. But then, he loosened up and began to kiss
back. This was nice, too...

Rei pulled away a little too soon for Shinji's liking. "Thank you,
again, Shinji-kun," she said, leaning against him. Shinji didn't
respond, but he did hold Rei a little tighter. He never would have
guessed she felt this way. Or that he would enjoy it so much.

"That other Ayanami," she began, after some time, "She's not me."

Shinji blinked. "What?"

"There are two Rei Ayanamis, Shinji-kun. I don't know how. The one
you were talking about earlier was not me."

Well, that explained how Rei had remembered so much, so quickly. It
also raised a hell of a lot more questions, but again, Shinji didn't
ask any, just yet.

"I should warn you..." Rei said.

"What?"

"The...the Seventeenth Angel is going to be coming. I know.
It's...going to be different from the other ones."

"How?" Shinji asked, not wanting to talk business, but not wanting to
look like he was shunning Rei, either.

Rei shook her head. "I don't know. But its core will be different.
It..." she paused. "Its core came from me," she finished, in such a
quiet tone Shinji only just barely heard her.

Shinji paused before answering. "What? What do you mean - "

"Can I answer later...Shinji-kun?" It sounded like she was getting
used to saying his name. Shinji found he liked that, too. "I don't
think I'm ready to tell that, just yet."

Shinji leaned his head down on top of hers. "Whatever it is, I'll
listen," he said, in his best soothing tone. "And I'll wait until
you're ready."

Rei didn't move. She just continued to lean against him. After a
while she touched her face. "I'm...crying, again," she said. "But I'm
not hurt...it's like what you did. I'm crying...because I'm happy."

"That's okay, R...Rei."

Rei nodded, and then grabbed onto him and pulled him a little closer.

"Wait a second," Shinji said, holding up a finger as he got an insight.
"Would Misato-san want to know about all this?"

Rei sighed, her eyes going distant as she thought it over. "I suppose
so," she said, finally.

"Should we tell her?" he asked, gesturing for the door. "She's not
far."

"It does concern her." Rei got up, her face going back to emotionless
mode in the space of a second. Shinji stood, as well. He surprised
himself as much as anyone else by taking Rei's hand and leading her
out. Rei didn't seem to mind. Although Shinji wasn't looking, her
calm demeanor was soon cracked by another small smile.

They found Misato, who thankfully had not gotten (very) drunk just yet.
A little convincing got her to sit down at the table. Rei started
talking, relating her entire story. Misato actually seemed to believe
it, either because she'd be willing to believe anything after what
she'd seen already, or because the booze was starting to get to her.

As Rei was relating how she'd gotten into the apartment, they heard a
door open down the hallway to the bedrooms. Asuka made her appearance,
blinking in the light. She looked wordlessly at the trio at the table.

"What're _you_ doing here?" Asuka asked, her eyes narrowing as she
glared at Rei. "Didn't I tell you to piss off?"

Misato blinked and looked over at Asuka. "Rei was just telling us
about that. Asuka, what were you thinking?"

"Oh, come on!" Asuka shouted, going over to the table. "You believe
this doll's act? Someone told her to come here and act all pitiful so
I'd feel better."

"The world does not revolve around you, Sohryuu," Rei said, in a quiet
voice, as she looked at the table.

Asuka grabbed Rei's arm and pulled her to her feet. "What did you just
say?" she asked the blue-haired girl.

"I was not sent here for your benefit," Rei replied, not bothering to
make eye contact.

"Well, I tell you one thing, Wonder-bitch, you're not staying _aaaaany_
longer," Asuka said, dragging Rei off in the direction of the door.

"Asuka! What do you think you're doing?" Shinji asked, jumping to his
feet and following. Normally, he'd have just backed down, but this
time, it was different. He'd just woken up from dreams of seeing Rei
die, only to see that she was alive and in his _room_. And now Asuka
was trying to take her away? He refused to just sit by idly, this
time.

Asuka tried to reply, but Rei twisted in her grasp, pulling free and
backing away, towards the table. Asuka glared at her, then stepped
forwards, hand raised for a slap.

The blow never made it. She felt a hand grab her wrist. She looked
up, just in time to see Shinji's angry face, before the boy's hand
struck her cheek.

Misato dropped her beer, left speechless.

"Leave Ayanami alone!" Shinji shouted. "She's just been through hell,
and you're trying to kick her out?!"

Asuka quivered, as one hand went to her cheek. It stung, but it wasn't
the physical pain that hurt. ^Sh..._she's_ been through hell?^ Asuka
thought. ^What about _me_?^

She tried to voice these thoughts, but she couldn't get any words to
come. In a fury, she spat in Shinji's face. The boy flinched,
blinking and wiping the spit out of his eye.

"Fine!" Asuka shouted. "Fuck this place, fuck Wondergirl, and fuck
_YOU_!" At this, she turned and ran out of the apartment.

Shinji watched her go, breathing heavily. He thought about chasing
after her, but figured that would not be in the interests of his
personal health, right now. Asuka could wait.

Misato seemed to regain control over herself. "Sh...Shinji-kun..." she
mumbled. "What did you just do?"

Shinji shook his head. "I don't know," he said, sitting back down at
the table, as Rei took a seat on the opposite side. "But I couldn't
just let her do what she wanted." He noticed his hands were shaking.
^God, what _did_ I just do? Asuka, I'm sorry.^

Rei had her hands folded in her lap, looking at the table again.
Shinji looked over at her. "Are you all right, Rei?" he asked.

"I am uninjured."

"Good," Shinji said. He looked at Misato, who was eyeing him
suspiciously. "Asuka will come back, right?," he asked, already
beginning to doubt himself.

Misato sighed. "It's too early in the morning for this," she said.
"I'll see if I can get security to keep an eye on her," she continued,
getting up and heading for the phone.

Rei glanced up at Shinji, once Misato was gone. "Thank you," she said,
quietly.

Shinji glanced over at her. "What?"

"Thank you, Shinji. For protecting me."

Shinji nodded. "You're welcome, Rei. I...just wish I knew if I did
the right thing."

Rei reached across the table and lightly squeezed his hand. "It is
done, regardless. We'll just wait and see."

Shinji nodded, so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't even notice
Rei was holding his hand.

***

Days later, somewhere across the world, another tank of LCL lit up as a
soul was transferred to a body. A pair of red eyes opened, looking
through the glass at a group of scientists, who were observing the
process.

"Fifth Child is active," one of the scientists announced. "Prepare him
for the trip to Tokyo-3."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Endnote : This fic was conceived based off of a mad rambling thought I
got while I was half asleep. It went something like, ^Hey, Rei and
Kaoru sure are similar. What if they're the same person?
Whoaaaaaahhh...^ It ties in nicely with Kaoru saying to Rei III that
they are the same, and Kaoru telling Shinji that he loves him. It was
such an interesting idea that I thought I'd write a fic about it. And
while I was trying to figure out a plot, I figured I could take care of
that little thing about Rei II dying. Rei II was the coolest character
in the whole series. And she was pretty damn cute when she blushed,
too.

Side note to Tekkaman Warhammer fans : you may have noticed a striking
similarity between one scene in "Seraphim's Judgement" (an Eva/Teknoman
crossover), and the scene in this fic where Rei sees Shinji sleeping.
This similarity is unintentional. I just wanted to write the scene
like that, and it turned out someone had beat me to it. By the way, if
you haven't already, read "Seraphim's Judgement." It's a great fic.

Write me at otakusadist@hotmail.com for questions, C+C, adoring praise,
death threats, etc. Yes, I will write back. Also, visit my Eva
website: http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/shinjirei/index.html

-Finished on February 20, 2001