Chapter 15
Necessitatis non habet legem.
Necessity knows no law.
Vicki Ann walked into the infirmary. Kira was already there, setting up chairs with Nog.
"Hey, I'm supposed to be here first," she teased, as she helped them.
"I was already up and decided to come by. I didn't exactly sleep well last night," Kira
replied.
Vicki Ann nodded. I slept, but I couldn't even escape my grief in my dreams. "I'm sure
everyone else feels the same way."
"How are you doing?"
"As well as can be expected. Although, I bet I'm doing better than Ezri."
Kira put her head on Vicki Ann's shoulder. "You have every right to grieve. Julian was your
friend, Vicki Ann."
"I know, but I don't feel right grieving when Ezri has lost so much more than I have. If I
lost David. . ."
Kira nodded. "I know. But don't discount your grief because of that. Maybe you should talk
to your sister later. You won't be the only one talking to her, Vicki Ann."
Vicki Ann managed a smile. "I know."
"Practically the whole station is booked to see her. And you know you can always talk to
me. Sure, I'm no counselor, but I do have two ears to listen with."
"I just might take you up on that sometime. We'd better finish up, some people are here,"
Vicki Ann replied, pointing to the doorway.
The officers were first, with the exception of Ezri, along with the O'Briens and the Bashirs.
Vicki Ann went over to greet everyone. To her surprise, Mrs. Bashir embraced Vicki Ann.
"Thank you. For taking care of everything and for your friendship with Julian."
Vicki Ann smiled. "No, Mrs. Bashir, I should be thanking you for giving us Julian."
Everyone took there places. Everyone except Ezri. Kira nudged Vicki Ann, "Where's Ezri?"
Vicki Ann shrugged. "I don't know. Stall until I find her."
Vicki Ann walked down the corridor to Ezri's quarters. She rang the bell and hoped Ezri just
slept in. No answer. "Computer, location of Lieutenant Dax."
"Lieutenant Dax is in Dr. Bashir's quarters."
Uh-oh, I've got a bad feeling about this. Vicki Ann left Ezri's quarters and continued
down the corridor to Julian's. The door was unlocked. "Ezri? Where are you?"
Ezri emerged from the bedroom, a smile on her face and Vicki Ann immediately sensed that
something was wrong. "Hi, Vicki Ann. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the
infirmary?"
"Yes, and so should you. The memorial service is today."
"Memorial service? For who?"
"Julian."
Ezri frowned. "Julian is not dead. He's on Cardassia. He decided to stay a little longer. I'm
just getting things ready for when he comes home."
"He's not coming home, Ezri."
"How dare you say that!"
"I know this may come as a shock to you, but the sooner you face it, the sooner you'll
begin to deal with it. Julian is dead. He's not coming back."
"Vicki Ann."
"Ezri, listen to me. I think going to the service would be good for you. If you'll just listen to
me. Julian died on the way home from Cardassia. Don't you remember?"
"Of course, I remember. I thought it was a dream.," Ezri replied, beginning to cry.
The sedatives. Damn. "Come on, Ezri. Let's go to the infirmary for the service."
Kira sighed. She hoped Vicki Ann would get back soon with Ezri.
Everyone was getting anxious. Just as she thought that, Vicki Ann entered with Ezri. She
helped Ezri to her seat beside O'Brien and then went up to Kira.
Vicki Ann leaned toward Kira. "I found her in Julian's quarters, getting things ready for
when 'he comes home.' She's switching between denial and crying. I'm going to keep an
eye on her during the service to make sure she's alright. I don't want to give her anymore
sedatives, they're affecting her memory, so if she doesn't get any better, I'm going to
have someone move in with her."
"Sounds like a good idea. I'll keep an eye on her during the service, too."
"Alright. We'd better get started."
The service started with Vic singing Julian's (and Nog's) favorite song. O'Brien had rigged it
so that he could attend the service. Then, Kira went up and spoke a few words. "We
thought it would be best to have the service in the infirmary, in the place Julian loved with
all his heart. Today we gather here to remember a remarkable man. A man who would give
his life to save someone else. A man who could have done anything, but chose to use his
brilliant gifts to help others. A man who would do anything to uphold the principles of the
uniform he wore. All this said, I don't believe that anyone here could truly forget Dr. Julian
Bashir." When she finished, she looked at O'Brien, who nodded. "Professor Miles O'Brien, a
friend of Julian's, would like to speak."
O'Brien went up. "What I remember about Julian was his enthusiasm and dedication. Sure,
sometimes he was as annoying as hell, but he was a dammed fine doctor, and a good
friend too. And absolutely unbeatable at darts. Julian was a wonderful person in general,
and I, for one, am going to miss him. I'm not very good at this sort of thing, so I'm going
to let Dr. Victorianna Troi speak now."
Vicki Ann smiled at O'Brien as he walked by. She went up to the front of the room and
took a deep breath. "Julian Bashir was a godsend, not only for his patients, but for all who
knew him. If it weren't for Julian, not only would I no longer be in Starfleet, but I wouldn't
be alive. Julian saved my life, literally and figuratively, too many times to count. When no
one else believed in me, including myself, Julian did. When the Admiral didn't trust me,
Julian personally vouched for my behavior. He got me reinstated and transferred here.
Julian was a wonderful person, a brilliant doctor, and an exemplary officer. He refused to
give up, even when the odds were stacked against him, especially if it meant saving a
patient. I only hope that I can do half as good a job as Julian did as CMO of the station.
As Miles said, Julian was a wonderful friend, and I will miss him dearly." Vicki Ann was
holding back most of her tears, but a few slipped past her barriers and made tracks down
her cheeks as she walked back to her seat.
Ezri was up next. "I don't know what else I can say. Miles and Vicki Ann said it all. Vicki
Ann was right. Julian was an angel, sent by God to help those who needed help. Julian
would have done anything to save a patient, anything to save a friend. Julian's friends
were the most important thing to him, besides medicine. But, he would have given all that
up if it would have helped a friend. He had so much love inside him." Ezri paused, collecting
her thoughts and trying to stop the tears. "And he gave it away without a second
thought. We all loved him and-" The tears were too much for her. "I'm sorry. I thought I
could do this, but I can't." She ran.
Vicki Ann went to run after her. "Ezri!" she yelled, but Kira caught her arm.
"I'll make sure she's all right. You wrap up the service," Kira said.
Vicki Ann nodded and finished where Ezri left off. "I think what Ezri meant to say was that
we're all going to miss Julian very much." She paused, gathering her own strength. " Julian
had asked to be cremated and his ashes scattered on Bajor and Earth. I think it's fitting
that Julian go home, but also to the place that he helped bring a new life to after the
Occupation. May you rest in peace, Julian. This concludes the service. There will be a
reception at Quark's. Feel free to eat and drink as much as you like, Quark was kind
enough to give me a discount."
Everyone managed to laugh the remark.
"Thank you for coming."
At the reception, Vicki Ann had to listen to everyone tell her how sorry they were that
she'd lost her best friend. She hated it. How could they feel sorry? They hadn't lost their
best friend. The only thing they might have is a memory of a loss of their own. She was
seriously considering leaving when Kira came over.
"How are you holding up?"
"If one more person says "I'm sorry," I'm going to throttle them."
Kira nodded. "Please let me know before you do and I'll call security."
Vicki Ann smiled slightly. "Alright. I won't. But, I can't promise that I won't do something
just as violent."
"Did you see that Garak was here?"
Vicki Ann nodded. "We had lunch together the other day. He saw me moping in the
replimat and decided to cheer me up." She saw the tailor approaching and smiled at him.
"It's nice to see you again, Garak."
"And you too, doctor." He turned to Kira. "And as always, it's a pleasure to see you,
Colonel."
"How are things on Cardassia?" Kira asked.
"As well as can be expected. It will take a long time for us to recover from the Dominion's
destruction," Garak replied sadly.
"It took Bajor quite a while to recover from the Occupation,"
Kira said. She noticed he was holding a small box. "What that?"
"It's a gift, for Dr. Troi here. Julian had it made for your birthday. Unfortunately, I didn't
get it to him in time, so he said he'd get you something else and give this to you later. I
thought you might like to have it."
Vicki Ann took the box. "Thank you."
"Aren't you going to open it?" Kira asked.
Vicki Ann obeyed and opened the box. Inside, wrapped in tissue paper was a sapphire blue
scarf.
"It's one hundred percent silk. He had it specially dyed. That's why it took so long. He
hand picked the color," Garak told her.
Vicki Ann smiled. "I'm sure he did," she said softly. She took it out of the box and held it
up.
"It matches your eyes perfectly," Kira observed.
Vicki Ann held back the tears that were threatening. "It's beautiful. Thank you," she
replied.
"I'm sure Julian would have wanted you to have it," Garak said.
"If you'll both excuse me, I just remembered something I forgot to do in the infirmary. It's
rather important. I'll see you both later," Vicki Ann said and quickly left.
Kira shook her head as she walked Vicki Ann left. "I hope she'll be okay."
"I take it she's not doing very well."
"No, she's not. Although, she's excellent at hiding it when she needs to. You wouldn't even
know she was upset unless you know her well enough to know when she's covering up her
feelings. I just hope she deals with and soon, because the last thing we need is both our
CMO and our station's counselor having nervous breakdowns."
"Perhaps she just needs a little time."
"I pray that's all she needs."
As soon as Vicki Ann left Quark's, she picked up her pace and began to sprint. She could
feel the tears streaming down her face and she didn't want an entire bar full of people to
see. She wound up at the shrine. This is where she came when she felt she needed to
speak to Jadzia. Her heart must have led her there. She picked up the scarf and tied it in
her hair. She walked to her usual place and started to talk.
"You know, Jadzia, I talk to you more now than I did when you were alive. I was always
busy on the Goddard or the Enterprise, but now I'm here on DS9 and I think that you are
too, sometimes. Wherever you are, I'm sure Julian's there too, so he'll here me too. But, I
really want to talk to you. You would know what to do. You had seven lifetimes of
experience. As you probably already know. I'm an absolute mess. Although you wouldn't
know. I'm doing my best not to let anyone else see. Everyone on the station is expecting
me to be a rock, just because I'm the one Julian chose to take care of everything, like
that makes me a Vulcan. Besides, Ezri's worse and I can't help her if I'm a mess. But, I am.
In the past year, I have lost two of my best friends. Both of them too young to die. Both
with happy, productive lives ahead of them. I've dealt with your death and now it's time to
deal with Julian's although, I'm not sure how. Last time I had Julian to help me get through
it. This time, I'm all alone."
The tears were falling full force now. She quit fighting and let them fall. "Why did you have
to leave, Julian? You should have known better than to leave me here with your job. But,
you didn't. You thought the world of me. Everyone keeps reminding me of that. You had all
this faith in me, but did I deserve it? No. Not one bit. You shouldn't have talked the
Admiral into reinstating me. I have done nothing to deserve your faith in me. I couldn't
even reach your expectations when it was your life in my hands." She could barely speak
now, she was crying so hard.
A few moments later, she thought she heard someone enter. She quickly wiped her eyes
and turned around. Molly was standing behind her, holding Kukulaka. Julian had said that
she could have it. "Hi, Molly."
"Do you miss Julian, too?"
Vicki Ann nodded. "Yes, I do."
Molly held out the bear. "Here. He'll make you feel better."
Vicki Ann shook her head. "No, Molly. He's yours now. Julian wanted you to have him."
"He would want you to have him because you miss him."
"She's got a point there," said a voice from the doorway.
Vicki Ann looked up. O'Brien.
"Go ahead," he urged.
As Vicki Ann took the bear, she thought to herself I'm not alone. I have my friends and
Julian's friends. They'll all been trying to help me all along. Garak, the O'Briens, even
Julian's mother had had some kind words for her after the service. She hugged the bear
tightly. "Thanks, Molly."
"You're welcome."
"Come on, Molly. Let's go back to the reception," O'Brien said.
"We'll leave Vicki Ann alone."
"Actually, I think I'll come with you."
"Are you sure?"
Vicki Ann nodded. "I think I'm ready to face everyone."
Julian Bashir awoke in the quarters he had been given by Section 31. He thought he saw
the outline of a figure in the darkness. "Lights," he called, almost forgetting where he was.
The figure moved to the door and turned on the lights for him. Julian was rewarded with
the eerie smile of Sid Patrick. "Good morning, doctor. I didn't want to wake you."
"What do you want?"
"I've got some bad news for you. Your clone was sent to Cardassia to help with the war
relief efforts and was attacked on the way home."
"By whom?"
"That is unknown, but our sources say that it looks like the Breen. I'm sorry to say, but
you're dead. You're clone, anyway. And as far as anyone else knows, he is the real Julian
Bashir."
Julian became angry. "You did this!" he said, standing up. "It wasn't the Breen. You did it,
to make sure I'd stay in Section 31. To make sure I had nothing to go back to."
"Doctor-"
"DON'T LIE TO ME!" Julian screamed. He calmed down. "I want to see the station. Let me
look at your surveillance reports."
"I don't think that would be a good idea, doctor."
"I want to see those reports!" Julian snarled.
Sid seemed surprised. "As you wish doctor. When you are dressed, turn on your viewer."
He turned and left to make the preparations.
Julian dressed and sat down at his viewer. Images kept flashing in his head. Images of his
corpse, of his friends grieving, of Ezri. He turned on the viewer and was in no way
prepared for what he saw. Instead of the station, he saw the Defiant. Kira, Nog, Ezri, Vicki
Ann and Ensign Marques were looking for him. Everyone was on edge, trying to hide their
worry. When they found the shuttle, Vicki Ann ran into sickbay. She managed to maintain
professional while she worked on him.
Until his pulse when dead. Then, she frantically tried to revive him again and again until
Kira stopped her. Ezri ran in, saw Julian's corpse and began crying hysterically. Vicki Ann
had to sedate her. Julian ignored the tears coming down his own face as he watched the
rest of the footage.
Vicki Ann was named as his replacement. Deanna Troi was sent as a temporary counselor
to fill in for Ezri. Ezri quickly got worse, shifting between denial and hysterically crying.
Vicki Ann did her usual
I'm-the-doctor-and-therefore-must-be-in-total-control-at-all-times. Occasionally, in her
quarters or at the service, she left a few tears slip. But most of the time, she wrapped
herself in her work in the infirmary to forget about Julian. By the number of times he saw
her in the images, he assumed she was working most of the day and not getting much
sleep at night. There was a scene or two of her in her quarters and Julian quickly realized
why she was working more and sleeping less.
She was having nightmares. Probably about him. Not unlike how he had dreamt about
Jadzia after her death. Except he and Vicki Ann were just friends. But that didn't mean she
had to grieve any less.
Julian began to pace. He had to figure out a way to get out of here. He couldn't let
everyone think that he was dead and he couldn't let Section 31 trick him into joining their
cause. If only there was a way that he could get a message to someone on the station.
But, that was impossible. Section 31 would find out and they would not be happy.
If only there was a way for him to send a non-standard message.
It's too bad I'm not telepathic. Wait. There were drugs that allowed a non-telepath to
communicate telepathically for a short time. But, the messages wouldn't travel very far.
But, he could increase the dosage of the drugs. He could withstand a higher dosage than
the average person because of his genetic engineering. He'd have to test it first. Vicki Ann
was the only person on the station with enough telepathic abilities for it to work. That
night, he'd send a simple suggestion and see if it came out in her dream. He'd have to pay
careful attention and see if she gave any hints about what kind of a dream she'd had
when she woke up. As he walked to the lab, he prayed that he would be able to get away
with it and that it would work, so that he could finally go home.
Necessitatis non habet legem.
Necessity knows no law.
Vicki Ann walked into the infirmary. Kira was already there, setting up chairs with Nog.
"Hey, I'm supposed to be here first," she teased, as she helped them.
"I was already up and decided to come by. I didn't exactly sleep well last night," Kira
replied.
Vicki Ann nodded. I slept, but I couldn't even escape my grief in my dreams. "I'm sure
everyone else feels the same way."
"How are you doing?"
"As well as can be expected. Although, I bet I'm doing better than Ezri."
Kira put her head on Vicki Ann's shoulder. "You have every right to grieve. Julian was your
friend, Vicki Ann."
"I know, but I don't feel right grieving when Ezri has lost so much more than I have. If I
lost David. . ."
Kira nodded. "I know. But don't discount your grief because of that. Maybe you should talk
to your sister later. You won't be the only one talking to her, Vicki Ann."
Vicki Ann managed a smile. "I know."
"Practically the whole station is booked to see her. And you know you can always talk to
me. Sure, I'm no counselor, but I do have two ears to listen with."
"I just might take you up on that sometime. We'd better finish up, some people are here,"
Vicki Ann replied, pointing to the doorway.
The officers were first, with the exception of Ezri, along with the O'Briens and the Bashirs.
Vicki Ann went over to greet everyone. To her surprise, Mrs. Bashir embraced Vicki Ann.
"Thank you. For taking care of everything and for your friendship with Julian."
Vicki Ann smiled. "No, Mrs. Bashir, I should be thanking you for giving us Julian."
Everyone took there places. Everyone except Ezri. Kira nudged Vicki Ann, "Where's Ezri?"
Vicki Ann shrugged. "I don't know. Stall until I find her."
Vicki Ann walked down the corridor to Ezri's quarters. She rang the bell and hoped Ezri just
slept in. No answer. "Computer, location of Lieutenant Dax."
"Lieutenant Dax is in Dr. Bashir's quarters."
Uh-oh, I've got a bad feeling about this. Vicki Ann left Ezri's quarters and continued
down the corridor to Julian's. The door was unlocked. "Ezri? Where are you?"
Ezri emerged from the bedroom, a smile on her face and Vicki Ann immediately sensed that
something was wrong. "Hi, Vicki Ann. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the
infirmary?"
"Yes, and so should you. The memorial service is today."
"Memorial service? For who?"
"Julian."
Ezri frowned. "Julian is not dead. He's on Cardassia. He decided to stay a little longer. I'm
just getting things ready for when he comes home."
"He's not coming home, Ezri."
"How dare you say that!"
"I know this may come as a shock to you, but the sooner you face it, the sooner you'll
begin to deal with it. Julian is dead. He's not coming back."
"Vicki Ann."
"Ezri, listen to me. I think going to the service would be good for you. If you'll just listen to
me. Julian died on the way home from Cardassia. Don't you remember?"
"Of course, I remember. I thought it was a dream.," Ezri replied, beginning to cry.
The sedatives. Damn. "Come on, Ezri. Let's go to the infirmary for the service."
Kira sighed. She hoped Vicki Ann would get back soon with Ezri.
Everyone was getting anxious. Just as she thought that, Vicki Ann entered with Ezri. She
helped Ezri to her seat beside O'Brien and then went up to Kira.
Vicki Ann leaned toward Kira. "I found her in Julian's quarters, getting things ready for
when 'he comes home.' She's switching between denial and crying. I'm going to keep an
eye on her during the service to make sure she's alright. I don't want to give her anymore
sedatives, they're affecting her memory, so if she doesn't get any better, I'm going to
have someone move in with her."
"Sounds like a good idea. I'll keep an eye on her during the service, too."
"Alright. We'd better get started."
The service started with Vic singing Julian's (and Nog's) favorite song. O'Brien had rigged it
so that he could attend the service. Then, Kira went up and spoke a few words. "We
thought it would be best to have the service in the infirmary, in the place Julian loved with
all his heart. Today we gather here to remember a remarkable man. A man who would give
his life to save someone else. A man who could have done anything, but chose to use his
brilliant gifts to help others. A man who would do anything to uphold the principles of the
uniform he wore. All this said, I don't believe that anyone here could truly forget Dr. Julian
Bashir." When she finished, she looked at O'Brien, who nodded. "Professor Miles O'Brien, a
friend of Julian's, would like to speak."
O'Brien went up. "What I remember about Julian was his enthusiasm and dedication. Sure,
sometimes he was as annoying as hell, but he was a dammed fine doctor, and a good
friend too. And absolutely unbeatable at darts. Julian was a wonderful person in general,
and I, for one, am going to miss him. I'm not very good at this sort of thing, so I'm going
to let Dr. Victorianna Troi speak now."
Vicki Ann smiled at O'Brien as he walked by. She went up to the front of the room and
took a deep breath. "Julian Bashir was a godsend, not only for his patients, but for all who
knew him. If it weren't for Julian, not only would I no longer be in Starfleet, but I wouldn't
be alive. Julian saved my life, literally and figuratively, too many times to count. When no
one else believed in me, including myself, Julian did. When the Admiral didn't trust me,
Julian personally vouched for my behavior. He got me reinstated and transferred here.
Julian was a wonderful person, a brilliant doctor, and an exemplary officer. He refused to
give up, even when the odds were stacked against him, especially if it meant saving a
patient. I only hope that I can do half as good a job as Julian did as CMO of the station.
As Miles said, Julian was a wonderful friend, and I will miss him dearly." Vicki Ann was
holding back most of her tears, but a few slipped past her barriers and made tracks down
her cheeks as she walked back to her seat.
Ezri was up next. "I don't know what else I can say. Miles and Vicki Ann said it all. Vicki
Ann was right. Julian was an angel, sent by God to help those who needed help. Julian
would have done anything to save a patient, anything to save a friend. Julian's friends
were the most important thing to him, besides medicine. But, he would have given all that
up if it would have helped a friend. He had so much love inside him." Ezri paused, collecting
her thoughts and trying to stop the tears. "And he gave it away without a second
thought. We all loved him and-" The tears were too much for her. "I'm sorry. I thought I
could do this, but I can't." She ran.
Vicki Ann went to run after her. "Ezri!" she yelled, but Kira caught her arm.
"I'll make sure she's all right. You wrap up the service," Kira said.
Vicki Ann nodded and finished where Ezri left off. "I think what Ezri meant to say was that
we're all going to miss Julian very much." She paused, gathering her own strength. " Julian
had asked to be cremated and his ashes scattered on Bajor and Earth. I think it's fitting
that Julian go home, but also to the place that he helped bring a new life to after the
Occupation. May you rest in peace, Julian. This concludes the service. There will be a
reception at Quark's. Feel free to eat and drink as much as you like, Quark was kind
enough to give me a discount."
Everyone managed to laugh the remark.
"Thank you for coming."
At the reception, Vicki Ann had to listen to everyone tell her how sorry they were that
she'd lost her best friend. She hated it. How could they feel sorry? They hadn't lost their
best friend. The only thing they might have is a memory of a loss of their own. She was
seriously considering leaving when Kira came over.
"How are you holding up?"
"If one more person says "I'm sorry," I'm going to throttle them."
Kira nodded. "Please let me know before you do and I'll call security."
Vicki Ann smiled slightly. "Alright. I won't. But, I can't promise that I won't do something
just as violent."
"Did you see that Garak was here?"
Vicki Ann nodded. "We had lunch together the other day. He saw me moping in the
replimat and decided to cheer me up." She saw the tailor approaching and smiled at him.
"It's nice to see you again, Garak."
"And you too, doctor." He turned to Kira. "And as always, it's a pleasure to see you,
Colonel."
"How are things on Cardassia?" Kira asked.
"As well as can be expected. It will take a long time for us to recover from the Dominion's
destruction," Garak replied sadly.
"It took Bajor quite a while to recover from the Occupation,"
Kira said. She noticed he was holding a small box. "What that?"
"It's a gift, for Dr. Troi here. Julian had it made for your birthday. Unfortunately, I didn't
get it to him in time, so he said he'd get you something else and give this to you later. I
thought you might like to have it."
Vicki Ann took the box. "Thank you."
"Aren't you going to open it?" Kira asked.
Vicki Ann obeyed and opened the box. Inside, wrapped in tissue paper was a sapphire blue
scarf.
"It's one hundred percent silk. He had it specially dyed. That's why it took so long. He
hand picked the color," Garak told her.
Vicki Ann smiled. "I'm sure he did," she said softly. She took it out of the box and held it
up.
"It matches your eyes perfectly," Kira observed.
Vicki Ann held back the tears that were threatening. "It's beautiful. Thank you," she
replied.
"I'm sure Julian would have wanted you to have it," Garak said.
"If you'll both excuse me, I just remembered something I forgot to do in the infirmary. It's
rather important. I'll see you both later," Vicki Ann said and quickly left.
Kira shook her head as she walked Vicki Ann left. "I hope she'll be okay."
"I take it she's not doing very well."
"No, she's not. Although, she's excellent at hiding it when she needs to. You wouldn't even
know she was upset unless you know her well enough to know when she's covering up her
feelings. I just hope she deals with and soon, because the last thing we need is both our
CMO and our station's counselor having nervous breakdowns."
"Perhaps she just needs a little time."
"I pray that's all she needs."
As soon as Vicki Ann left Quark's, she picked up her pace and began to sprint. She could
feel the tears streaming down her face and she didn't want an entire bar full of people to
see. She wound up at the shrine. This is where she came when she felt she needed to
speak to Jadzia. Her heart must have led her there. She picked up the scarf and tied it in
her hair. She walked to her usual place and started to talk.
"You know, Jadzia, I talk to you more now than I did when you were alive. I was always
busy on the Goddard or the Enterprise, but now I'm here on DS9 and I think that you are
too, sometimes. Wherever you are, I'm sure Julian's there too, so he'll here me too. But, I
really want to talk to you. You would know what to do. You had seven lifetimes of
experience. As you probably already know. I'm an absolute mess. Although you wouldn't
know. I'm doing my best not to let anyone else see. Everyone on the station is expecting
me to be a rock, just because I'm the one Julian chose to take care of everything, like
that makes me a Vulcan. Besides, Ezri's worse and I can't help her if I'm a mess. But, I am.
In the past year, I have lost two of my best friends. Both of them too young to die. Both
with happy, productive lives ahead of them. I've dealt with your death and now it's time to
deal with Julian's although, I'm not sure how. Last time I had Julian to help me get through
it. This time, I'm all alone."
The tears were falling full force now. She quit fighting and let them fall. "Why did you have
to leave, Julian? You should have known better than to leave me here with your job. But,
you didn't. You thought the world of me. Everyone keeps reminding me of that. You had all
this faith in me, but did I deserve it? No. Not one bit. You shouldn't have talked the
Admiral into reinstating me. I have done nothing to deserve your faith in me. I couldn't
even reach your expectations when it was your life in my hands." She could barely speak
now, she was crying so hard.
A few moments later, she thought she heard someone enter. She quickly wiped her eyes
and turned around. Molly was standing behind her, holding Kukulaka. Julian had said that
she could have it. "Hi, Molly."
"Do you miss Julian, too?"
Vicki Ann nodded. "Yes, I do."
Molly held out the bear. "Here. He'll make you feel better."
Vicki Ann shook her head. "No, Molly. He's yours now. Julian wanted you to have him."
"He would want you to have him because you miss him."
"She's got a point there," said a voice from the doorway.
Vicki Ann looked up. O'Brien.
"Go ahead," he urged.
As Vicki Ann took the bear, she thought to herself I'm not alone. I have my friends and
Julian's friends. They'll all been trying to help me all along. Garak, the O'Briens, even
Julian's mother had had some kind words for her after the service. She hugged the bear
tightly. "Thanks, Molly."
"You're welcome."
"Come on, Molly. Let's go back to the reception," O'Brien said.
"We'll leave Vicki Ann alone."
"Actually, I think I'll come with you."
"Are you sure?"
Vicki Ann nodded. "I think I'm ready to face everyone."
Julian Bashir awoke in the quarters he had been given by Section 31. He thought he saw
the outline of a figure in the darkness. "Lights," he called, almost forgetting where he was.
The figure moved to the door and turned on the lights for him. Julian was rewarded with
the eerie smile of Sid Patrick. "Good morning, doctor. I didn't want to wake you."
"What do you want?"
"I've got some bad news for you. Your clone was sent to Cardassia to help with the war
relief efforts and was attacked on the way home."
"By whom?"
"That is unknown, but our sources say that it looks like the Breen. I'm sorry to say, but
you're dead. You're clone, anyway. And as far as anyone else knows, he is the real Julian
Bashir."
Julian became angry. "You did this!" he said, standing up. "It wasn't the Breen. You did it,
to make sure I'd stay in Section 31. To make sure I had nothing to go back to."
"Doctor-"
"DON'T LIE TO ME!" Julian screamed. He calmed down. "I want to see the station. Let me
look at your surveillance reports."
"I don't think that would be a good idea, doctor."
"I want to see those reports!" Julian snarled.
Sid seemed surprised. "As you wish doctor. When you are dressed, turn on your viewer."
He turned and left to make the preparations.
Julian dressed and sat down at his viewer. Images kept flashing in his head. Images of his
corpse, of his friends grieving, of Ezri. He turned on the viewer and was in no way
prepared for what he saw. Instead of the station, he saw the Defiant. Kira, Nog, Ezri, Vicki
Ann and Ensign Marques were looking for him. Everyone was on edge, trying to hide their
worry. When they found the shuttle, Vicki Ann ran into sickbay. She managed to maintain
professional while she worked on him.
Until his pulse when dead. Then, she frantically tried to revive him again and again until
Kira stopped her. Ezri ran in, saw Julian's corpse and began crying hysterically. Vicki Ann
had to sedate her. Julian ignored the tears coming down his own face as he watched the
rest of the footage.
Vicki Ann was named as his replacement. Deanna Troi was sent as a temporary counselor
to fill in for Ezri. Ezri quickly got worse, shifting between denial and hysterically crying.
Vicki Ann did her usual
I'm-the-doctor-and-therefore-must-be-in-total-control-at-all-times. Occasionally, in her
quarters or at the service, she left a few tears slip. But most of the time, she wrapped
herself in her work in the infirmary to forget about Julian. By the number of times he saw
her in the images, he assumed she was working most of the day and not getting much
sleep at night. There was a scene or two of her in her quarters and Julian quickly realized
why she was working more and sleeping less.
She was having nightmares. Probably about him. Not unlike how he had dreamt about
Jadzia after her death. Except he and Vicki Ann were just friends. But that didn't mean she
had to grieve any less.
Julian began to pace. He had to figure out a way to get out of here. He couldn't let
everyone think that he was dead and he couldn't let Section 31 trick him into joining their
cause. If only there was a way that he could get a message to someone on the station.
But, that was impossible. Section 31 would find out and they would not be happy.
If only there was a way for him to send a non-standard message.
It's too bad I'm not telepathic. Wait. There were drugs that allowed a non-telepath to
communicate telepathically for a short time. But, the messages wouldn't travel very far.
But, he could increase the dosage of the drugs. He could withstand a higher dosage than
the average person because of his genetic engineering. He'd have to test it first. Vicki Ann
was the only person on the station with enough telepathic abilities for it to work. That
night, he'd send a simple suggestion and see if it came out in her dream. He'd have to pay
careful attention and see if she gave any hints about what kind of a dream she'd had
when she woke up. As he walked to the lab, he prayed that he would be able to get away
with it and that it would work, so that he could finally go home.