DISCLAMER: "ER," the characters and situations depicted within are the
property of Warner Brothers Television, Amblin Entertainment, Constant
c Productions, NBC, etc. They are borrowed without permission, but
without the intent of infringement. The story presented here is
written solely for entertainment purposes, and the author is making no
profit.
Always on my mind VI
Previously on ER
Kerry and Dave have been married for almost two years
Kerry recently gave birth to their daughter 'Sarah Florence Weaver-Malucci'
Jeanie, Carter and a college friend of Dave's were asked to be godparents.
Abby qualified as a doctor and started an OB residency
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Sarah was almost three months old, when Dave awoke suddenly in the middle of the night. Instinctively he looked over at Sarah's cot. The moonlight shone in through a gap in the curtains revealing Sarah sprawled on her back sound asleep. Dave relaxed and was about to go back to sleep when he realized that Kerry's side of the bed was empty and the mattress was cold. Puzzled, he got out of the bed, and pulling a robe around his body, he went in search of his wife.
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Halfway down the hall, Dave stopped at the doorway to the half-finished nursery. Neither Dave nor Kerry had wanted to tempt fate by doing too much work on the room before Sarah was born, and since the birth, both had been too busy to complete it. Looking inside, Dave could see Kerry sitting on the window seat staring out at the street. Quietly he made his way over to the window and sat down opposite her. Kerry was lost in thought and didn't realize Dave was there until he gently took her hand.
"You okay Kerry?" asked Dave.
"I'm fine," said Kerry with a tired smile. "I just needed some time to think a few things over."
"What was so important that you had to leave a nice warm bed and come in here?" asked Dave.
Kerry shivered slightly. She had been so lost in thought that she hadn't noticed how cold the night had become. Without a word Dave pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. "Thanks," said Kerry in a small voice. She sighed heavily. "I was thinking about what you told me earlier, about what Mark said to you at work."
Dave racked his brains to think what she meant. "You mean him asking me how much maternity leave you had left?"
Kerry nodded. "I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Trying to decide what's going to happen when I go back to work. How we're going to manage child care."
"You realize that this is the first time you've brought up the subject."
"I've been trying to put it off as long as possible. I know Jeanie has offered to mind Sarah for us, at least until she's old enough for daycare at County, and I know that she'd be in good hands. It's just that I hate the idea of someone else looking after her."
"There's not a lot we can do about it. At least not with both of us working full-time." Dave could feel Kerry tense up slightly. "Are you considering not returning to work?" he asked gently.
"I don't know. I mean I've enjoyed these past few months, being at home with Sarah. But I don't know if I could be content doing it permanently. There are some days when you come in and tell me about your day, and I just get so envious of you. But I don't want to be apart from Sarah for too long either. But you're right. We don't have that many alternatives. I suppose, at least when she's old enough for daycare at County, she'll only be a few floors away." Kerry sighed at the thought. "I just feel so guilty at the thought of giving her to someone else to look after. It's almost like I'm abandoning her."
Dave hugged her tighter. "You won't be abandoning her. Neither of us will. Listen, every parent goes through this the first time they part with their child. Hell, my first day back after Sarah was born, all I wanted to do was come home and be with the two of you. I know it sounds callous, but we will get used to it."
"Of course I could always reduce my workload. Maybe only work part-time. That way I'd be able to spend more time with Sarah."
Dave nodded slowly. "You realize that you'd probably have to step down as head of the ER."
"I know, and I'm not sure I want to do that either. But if it's a choice between work and family, well I know what my decision would be. Besides I was probably going to have to step down anyway when I take maternity leave again."
Dave looked at her in surprise and a little shock. "Kerry, you can't be pregnant again?"
"I'm not, at least not yet." Kerry looked up into Dave's face. "But I want to be. I told you before that I didn't want Sarah to be an only child. And it's not exactly as if I have a lot of child-bearing years left."
"Well, if there's anything I can do to help you with that chief, you only have to ask."
Kerry relaxed back into Dave's arms. "Do you know how long it's been since you called me chief? Nobody else ever calls me that."
"They may not call you the chief, but they all treat you like one, and that's what counts." Dave stood up and lifted Kerry into his arms. "C'mon, let's go get started on this sister or brother for Sarah."
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Six months later, Kerry was sitting outside Dr Coburn's office; with a copy of her twenty-week scan in her hand and a smile on her face. Dave hurried up to her and gave her a quick kiss before sitting down beside her. "Sorry I missed the scan Kerry, but a trauma came in just as I was about to leave."
"It's all right. Everything went fine, and at least you made it for the OB appointment." Kerry was amused to see that Dave was still wearing his anti-nausea wristbands. With Sarah, Dave had suffered more morning sickness than Kerry had. This time round he was taking no chances.
"So, where's the picture? Let's see it."
"Hold on a minute. Do you realize that you haven't told me whether you think it's a boy or a girl?"
"Hey, give me a chance. I'll have to wait till you're a bit further alone," said Dave with a grin.
"Well, you might have a bit more trouble this time," said Kerry handing him the scan.
Dave looked puzzled, and then he looked at the scan. His jaw dropped as he realized what he was seeing. "Twins?" he said in amazement.
Kerry nodded. She was only just getting over the shock herself. "At least it explains why I'm so much larger this time."
"And here I was thinking you were just eating too much," said Dave. "Ouch," as Kerry swatted him on the arm. "Guess I'll have to get another few leaves put on the rose?"
Kerry smiled at the thought of Dave's latest tattoo. A few days after Sarah had been born, he had decided to get a new tattoo to mark the occasion. Now on his left arm he had a rose with a leaf growing out of the stem. In among the petals were the words 'Dave and Kerry Weaver-Malucci', and Sarah's full name was on the leaf.
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Sixteen weeks later, Kerry lifted her head and stared down the bed at her ever-increasing bump. This pregnancy hadn't progressed quite as easily as the previous one. At thirty-two weeks Kerry had passed out in the ER. High blood pressure had been diagnosed and she had been admitted to County. The enforced bed-rest of the past month had improved her health, but not her temper.
"Look at me," she said to Dave. "I can't even see my feet."
"Probably just as well," replied Dave. "Your ankles are the size of tree-trunks." Kerry glared at him. "Oops," he said to Sarah who was sitting on his lap playing with his stethoscope. "I think I've annoyed your Mommy."
"You are so lucky you have my daughter in your arms," said Kerry waving a rolled up magazine at him in a mock threatening manner. "If I don't get out of here soon, I'm going to go crazy."
"It won't be for much longer," said Dave soothingly. "And then we'll all be going home, all five of us."
"Not if we don't get a new car that we can fit three baby seats in, we won't."
"Hey, I've got it covered. Luka said he'd take me to a place he knows. I think a relative of his owns it. Luka thinks he can get us a good deal."
"Oh god," said Kerry, vividly remembering some of the 'good deals' that Luka had turned up with in the past few years. He seemed to have a blind spot when it came to buying cars. "Don't let him talk you into buying something that isn't suitable, or worse, that isn't drivable."
"No worries. I'll make sure to give it a good going over before I decide on anything. Trust me, I know what I'm doing."
Dave didn't know what Kerry's response would have been to this, because her face suddenly twisted into a grimace of pain. "Kerry?" said Dave moving quickly to her side. "Kerry, what's wrong?"
"I don't know," moaned Kerry clutching her bulging stomach. She groaned as the pain refused to die away. Dave pulled back the bedclothes and was horrified to see a patch of blood appear on Kerry's gown. He quickly hit the call button. When there was no immediate response, he hurried to the door and yelled at a passing nurse to page Dr Coburn, stat.
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By the time Dr Coburn arrived, a few minutes later, Kerry was in agony.
"Forty-three year old female, thirty-six weeks pregnant with twins, history of high blood pressure," said Dr Coburn to Abby who had accompanied her. "Back and abdominal pain, and vaginal bleeding."
"BP's 160/100, fetal heart rates are 160 and 165," reported Sheila, the nurse.
"Could it be a Placental Abruption?" asked Abby.
Dr Coburn nodded and made some notations on the chart. "Call the OR and prep for a c-section." To Kerry she said, "Kerry, you know what's happening? We need to get those babies out of you as soon as possible."
Kerry nodded through her tears. Although her specialty was trauma rather than OB, she knew exactly what a Placental Abruption was and how serious it could be. Through the haze of pain, she was aware of being moved onto a gurney and being pushed down the corridor. "Dave," she called out, unable to see him.
"I'm here Kerry," said Dave. "I'm going to be with you all the way."
"No," said Kerry. "No. Stay with Sarah, whatever happens, I want you to stay with Sarah. Please Dave, promise me you won't abandon our daughter."
Dave looked at Kerry in horror, aware of the meaning behind her words. His voice choked as he took Kerry's hand, and leaning in close to her, he said, "I promise Kerry." The tears started rolling down his face as he gently leaned in and kissed her. Then they were at the doors of the OR and it was time to part.
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Dr Coburn barked out her orders as Kerry was prepped for surgery. Just before the anesthetist was ready, she came over to Kerry. "Kerry, we're ready to start. I'm not going to lie to you. This is serious, but I promise I will do everything I can for you."
Kerry nodded weakly. "Save my children," she whispered. The drugs flowing through her veins had numbed her pain, now all she felt was fear. Fear for both herself and her unborn children. As the anesthetic took effect, the room started blurring around her, and then time stood still.
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Time stood still for Dave who was waiting anxiously outside the OR with Sarah in his arms. He knew exactly what Kerry had meant when she asked him to stay with Sarah. Knowing that her father had been persuaded to give her up for adoption following the death of her mother, Kerry had a horror of the same thing happening to her child. Dave had wanted to reassure her that she was going to be all right, but they both knew the seriousness of her condition, and any reassurances would have been false.
He looked at his watch and was surprised to see how little time had passed. It had seemed like hours since Kerry's operation had begun. The doors to the OR bumped open and Dave jumped up apprehensively, as Abby came over to him.
"What's going on Abby?" asked Dave, half afraid to hear the answer.
Abby smiled, "You have two beautiful baby boys. Five and a half, and five pounds in weight. They're small, but healthy."
In spite of his concern over Kerry, Dave couldn't help smiling. "Two boys," he said to himself softly. "What about Kerry? How is she?"
The smile disappeared from Abby's face. "Dr Coburn is still working on her."
"How bad is it Abby?"
Abby hesitated before replying. "I don't really know Dave. She was losing a lot of blood, last I saw. They're doing everything they can, but..."
Dave sat down abruptly, tears coming suddenly to his eyes. Abby sat down beside him and put her hand on his shoulder. "Do you...would you like to see your sons?" she asked hesitantly. Dave shook his head, "No," he replied hoarsely, "not yet. Not until I know..."
Abby nodded understandingly. "Do you want one of the nurses to take Sarah for a bit?"
Dave shook his head again. "I promised Kerry." Abby nodded an acknowledgement and then left Dave alone.
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Some time later, Luka joined Dave as he sat in vigil outside the OR.
"Abby told me what was happening. Has there been any news?" he asked, sitting down beside Dave.
Dave shook his head. "Not since the twins were born. I don't think I can bear the waiting much longer. I just feel so helpless. If anything happens to Kerry, I don't know what I'll do."
"You will do what Kerry would expect you to, and survive," said Luka. "Dave, I wish I could offer you assurances that everything will be all right, but I cannot. All I can say is, whatever happens, you are not alone. Always remember that you have friends, and we will be here for you."
"Thanks Luka," said Dave.
Then the doors to the OR opened and Dr Coburn walked out with a serious expression on her face.
---------------
Dave sat by Kerry's bed, holding her hand. Dr Coburn had told Dave that she had required five units of blood during the surgery, and had narrowly avoided a hysterectomy.
"If she gets through the next twenty-four hours, she should make a full recovery," Dr Coburn had said. "But I would strongly advise her against becoming pregnant again."
Well Dave didn't care. As long as Kerry was all right, that was what mattered. Word of what had happened had spread quickly through the hospital, and there had been a constant stream of visitors to her room. Dave appreciated the fact that so many people cared so much about both of them, but he still was would have preferred to be left alone with Kerry, waiting for her to wake up.
Jeanie had turned up and had insisted on taking Sarah, promising to look after her until Dave was ready. Everybody knew that there was no point in trying to persuade Dave to leave.
Memories of their life together, both good and bad, flooded Dave's mind as he sat and waited by Kerry's side.
- The look on Kerry's face as she used the sternal saw to cut Lucy open. -
- Kerry suggesting to him that he pad the handles of his crutch, to avoid getting blisters on his palm. Dave taking her by the hand and telling her it looked 'mighty fine' -
- The sound of her laughter when he was trying to teach her to ride a tandem -
- The look on her face when she realized that he would hand a patient over to her rather than give pain relief to a child abuser -
- The look on her face after he had screwed up by discharging a patient that he hadn't seen. The worst part had been that she hadn't yelled at him. All she had done was look sadly at him and said, "Dave, I am very disappointed in you." And that had hurt him worse than anything. -
- Kerry crying in his arms when Gabe Lawrence had died -
- Her tear-stained face, when Dave had come to, after their car accident -
- Taking Kerry to visit his family -
- How beautiful she had looked on their wedding day. -
- Holding Sarah in her arms when she was only a few minutes old -
Dave wouldn't have thought it possible, but worn out by the strain of the day's events, he fell asleep still holding Kerry's hand. His dreams were unsettling, images of Kerry haunting him. "Don't leave me," he pleaded as he jerked himself awake.
"I'm not going anywhere Dave," whispered Kerry.
"Kerry?" said Dave, unable to believe it. "Oh my god."
"The babies?" asked Kerry weakly.
"Both fine. We have two beautiful boys," replied Dave, as he gently stroked her hair. "Don't ever scare me like that again, you hear?"
"I won't," promised Kerry.
"I love you so much, I don't ever want to lose you."
"I don't ever want to leave you," whispered Kerry, reaching up to stroke Dave's face. "I love you too."
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It was two weeks later. Kerry was recovering from the operation and both she and the twins had been moved to normal wards.
Kerry sat up in her hospital bed and surveyed her family. 'Her family', she smiled at the words. Four years ago, if someone had told her that she would be married with three children, she would have laughed in their faces. Back then, her only ambition had been to become head of the ER. Well, she had managed that, and had enjoyed it for a few years, but somehow it didn't seem as important any more. Funny how it had taken a brush with death to make her realize what her priorities were.
Sarah was sitting in her pushchair, contentedly munching on a book. Beside the bed, her two sons were asleep in their cots. It was rare for them both to be asleep simultaneously, and the peace would probably only last until one of them got hungry. Harry Thomas, and Andrew Michael Weaver-Malucci. It had taken them a while, but they had finally decided on names for them. Dave had persisted in calling them 'thing one' and 'thing two', to wind up Kerry. She had retaliated by threatening to give them three or four names each, to use up all her favorites. Not that she would have done it. After all, with a double-barreled surname, their names were going to be long enough. Besides, she didn't think Dave would have room on his arm for 'Daniel Luke Thomas Antonio Weaver-Malucci', which had been one of her suggestions.
Dave was curled up in the chair by her bed. Carefully, so as not to pull at her incision, Kerry leaned over and blew gently in his ear. "Just a few more minutes Kerry," mumbled Dave as he shifted position. Kerry smiled. She briefly contemplated letting him sleep for a little longer, after all he had just finished a busy shift, but then she decided it was time he was awake.
Leaning over a bit further, she hissed in his ear, "Dr. Malucci, if I don't see you standing over a sick patient in the next thirty seconds looking compassionate and engaged, you'll spend the next week doing nothing but disempactions and yeast infections."
Dave shot upright in the chair, "I'm up, I'm up," he said frantically as he staggered to his feet. "What the hell?" he said as he took in his surroundings. "You little..."
Kerry tried in vain to suppress her laughter. "Shh," she said. "You'll wake the children."
"Let them wake, so they can find out what a devious woman their mother is," said Dave as he sat down on the bed beside Kerry.
"I'm sorry," laughed Kerry. "Oh dear, but I was getting bored, and it was either wake you or the twins, and at least you don't howl when you get woken up."
"Try that on me again, and you'll be the one howling." Dave put his arms around Kerry. She leaned back against him, enjoying the feeling of his strong arms around her. "I think it's just as well you're getting out of here tomorrow. You have too much time on your hands if you're thinking up tricks like that."
"I can hardly wait," said Kerry with feeling. "I feel like I've been stuck here forever."
"Another twenty-four hours and I'll be taking you home."
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The next day, Kerry strapped herself into the car and looked up at the hospital, which had been her home for the last six weeks. If truth be told, there had been times in the last six odd years when she had felt it to be more of a home than her own house. But the last few weeks, coupled with how close she had come to death, had made her reassess her priorities. With her husband by her side and her children asleep in the back she realized what was really important. Pulling Dave close to her she gave him a warm kiss. "Take me home," she said softly. So he did.
I had a good life
Before you came
I had my friends and my freedom
I had my name
Still there was sorrow and emptiness
'Til you made me glad
Oh, in this love I found strength I never knew I had
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
I'm taking you home
There were days, lonely days
When the world wouldn't throw me a crumb
But I kept on believing
That this day would come
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
I'm taking you-home
Where we can be with the ones who really care
Home, where we can grow together
Keep you in my heart forever
And this love
Is like nothing I have ever known
Take my hand, love
I'm taking you home
Taking you home
THE END
Author's notes
Some of the memories Dave has, are from my earlier series 'Consequences'
The song is by Don Henley and (as you probably already know) was featured in 'Such Sweet Sorrow'