Title: Solitary

Name: Joy

Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Logan and Max are together but no real commitment made.

Setting: Logan's apartment

Max and Logan's relationship had been going well for a while. They each still had their own issues to work out with trust and commitment, but otherwise it had become a very comfortable transition between 'just friends' and 'more than friends.'

Max strutted through Logan's front door, which she was recently given a key to, "Hi Guys."

"Hey, Max," Bling said as Logan typed away at his computer.

"There is supposed to be a killer meteor shower tonight. Want to hit the roof?" Max asked both guys, but really just wanted an excuse to sit with Logan looking at the stars.

Bling automatically said sure and started getting things together. "I have work," Logan said a bit gruff.

"Scaredy cat. Bling did you grab a blanket?" Max said.

"Got it. Let's head out. See ya Logan." Bling said as they headed for the door.

Logan was frustrated and annoyed that Max and Bling were doing things he wanted to do with her. // First the spin around the room and now this. // He buried himself in his work trying not to think about it.

"Max, are you sure this is OK? Logan doesn't seem real keen on us spending one on one time together lately. I don't want to interfere," Bling said worried about his employer and his friend.

"You're not interfering. You and I don't really get to hang that often without Logan and he has no reason to be jealous. I trust you with my secrets, so it is nice to do something not Eyes Only or Logan related," Max responded. "And if Logan has a problem with it, I will deal with him. Now, what do you think of the view? Aren't the stars beautiful?"

"Yes, they are. Good reminder of how small we really are," Bling said philosophically.

They sat in silence for a while just taking in the view. "Bling?" Max began, "Do you mind if I talk to you about something that I need to tell Logan about and I'm trying to figure out the best way?"

"Wouldn't your girlfriends be better for something like that?" Bling asked. Bling had prodded Logan along to admit his feelings, but he never expected to hear any of Max's side of the situation.

"They don't know my secrets," Max said looking down. "I tried telling them once, but they didn't believe me and I didn't feel like pushing."

"Alright then, shoot. What's on your mind?"

"I don't know where to begin."

"Try the topic," Bling said gently.

"Part of my bioengineering is that I am a small part feline. That's how I always land on my feet," she said with a weak smile. "There is a side effect though," Max paused feeling embarrassed to admit the next sentence, "I basically go into heat three times a year. It isn't really exact so I am not sure when I will hit, but it should be in the next month or so."

"I do not trust myself not to take some stranger home with me. I mean, in light of things with Logan, I don't want to. Then there is the fact I would be most likely go for Logan, but I am not quite ready for our relationship to head that route. I just don't know how to tell him," Max confessed, totally unsure how to proceed.

"Why not just tell him what you just told me?" Bling said quietly.

"It is easy with you…"

"Why, because you don't have feelings for me? Or is hard with Logan because you really don't have a commitment?" Bling said putting his two cents in.

"I wouldn't say we have no commitment. I mean, that is why this conversation is happening in the first place," Max stated.

"Then, what are you to one another?" Bling fished.

Max sighed, "I don't know."

"Are you dating? Are you a couple? Is he your significant other, or what?"

"Why are you badgering me about this?" Max said becoming defensive.

Bling backed off a bit, "I think your conversation will go easier if you at least knew what you wanted to be to him and him to you." Bling paused a minute, "Max, you are worrying about being faithful to Logan, but neither of you will admit that you are even dating. Fidelity is something people worry about when they are exclusive. It may be time to establish that."

"I guess," Max said staring down at the blanket playing with the fringe.

Utter silence.

"There go the meteors," Bling commented to try to get Max to lighten up. "Max don't worry. Your feelings will be returned. I will be here whenever you need to talk. I have confidence you will know what to tell Logan when the time is right."

"Thanks Bling," Max said, as they watched the meteors stream by.

Max manage to evade Logan for almost three days. He had begun to worry a bit but didn't know how to approach Max. Around seven p.m. on the third night Logan's phone rang.

"Hello," Logan said, preoccupied with frustrating thoughts about Max.

"Hi Logan," it was Max. //Thank God she was OK. She called, that was a good sign. // "Is Bling around?" //That was not a good sign. Why was Max asking for Bling? //

"Yeah. Max, are you OK?" Logan asked.

"Fine. Just let me talk to Bling," snapped Max.

Logan was hurt. "Bling," Logan called, "It's Max. She doesn't sound good. She wants to talk to you." He sulked, as he moved away from the phone.

"Hey there. How ya feeling?" Bling asked. Logan wanted to hear the other side of the conversation. "OK, I can do that…. Yeah…. Yeah…. Fine, but don't you want…. All right, I'll tell him. Don't worry. I will make sure everything is ready when you get here, OK. Talk to you later," Bling said as he got off the phone. He already knew the glare he would be facing.

Logan was obviously frustrated by the situation. Why wouldn't Max talk to him? "What was that all about?" Logan said in an accusatory tone.

"Max needs to stay here tonight. But there are a few things you need to understand: She will speak to you in the morning. Set yourself up in your bedroom and don't expect to see her tonight. When she arrives, don't go out to check on her or talk to her. Just allow her to get some food and use the guest bedroom and bathroom. OK?"

Logan was livid. "Max hasn't spoken to me in three days and she demands that I lock myself up in my room without explanation."

"She will explain everything tomorrow. It is very important to her that she tell you."

"Do you know why this is happening?" Logan demanded

"Yes," Bling said with a sense of resignation.

"She could tell you fast on the phone, but she won't tell me."

"It is not like that," Bling pleaded. "We had talked about this earlier. She had been trying to figure out the best way to broach the subject with you…. Logan, she will talk to you about it in the morning. Just do what she asks."

Silence.

"Can she see and speak to you?" Logan said in anger.

"No. I will be leaving. Nor would I be welcome to speak to or see her if I were here. I will be back in the morning," Bling stated returning to his calm manner.

"I don't like this," Logan commented slightly pouting.

"I know. Tomorrow it will make sense. Trust me. Trust Max."

Logan heard the front door open and shut. Max had arrived about a half an hour after Bling had left. Logan had made Max a sandwich and left it on the counter with a note. "Max, I hope you like the turkey. Sleep well and we can talk early. Logan." Max thought it was so sweet. She headed for his bedroom. Logan could hear Max right outside the door. They were both dying to see each other, but hormones and wills were kept in check.

Max took the sandwich and a drink into the guestroom. She went into the living room looking for a book or something to read. She took some candles and a lighter to round out the fable of "I will relax with a good book." Logan heard the guestroom door shut and the bathroom door open. Max ran the shower. She just kept thinking of Logan in the next room. She wanted to go to him so badly. Sleeping with her would not be a bad experience for him. Then she thought about coming onto him and him turning her down. That would be a bad experience.

Max got into the shower and let the hot water run all over her body. She cleared her mind of all thoughts and just kept coming back to the thought that she would tell Logan about this in the morning. She had to tell him. What would she say? How would she word it? The water pounded against her skin driving the tension from her shoulders. She thought of Logan massaging her shoulders and kissing her neck. Max snapped out of it and then put her head under the water again.

Logan listened helplessly from the other room. He knew something was wrong but he did not know what. If he heard her cry or scream, he would have gone to her. But all her heard was water beating down on Max. His mind raced with insane theories on what was going on. He thought that maybe she had one of those genetic illnesses that the other X5 kids had gotten. Maybe she saw Lydecker and was preparing to leave again. Maybe she just didn't want to be with him anymore and she didn't have the heart to tell him.

The night passed with Max and Logan separated by a wall each experiencing their own personal hell. They were both trapped and unable to reach each other. It was solitary confinement for the evening and it was torture. Max did jumping jacks and exercises to burn off the extra energy, as she talked herself into believing she would be able to tell Logan about going into heat. Logan wrote Max a letter about his commitment to her. Eventually, both tried to sleep without much success.

Logan headed to his workstation in the middle of the night to clear his head, unknowing that Max was in the living room on the couch. The guestroom was too far away from him and contained none of his smells. They both froze. "I'm sorry…. I forgot…" Logan said and began to wheel back to his room.

"Don't leave me…" Max whimpered like a hurt puppy.

"I'll never leave you," Logan said, as he rolled to her before remembering his annoyance at the situation. "I didn't realize I had taken second place as confidant in this house until the last few days," he said to show his displeasure.

Max sat silently for a while. "You aren't second place to anyone," Max managed swallowing hard. The hard part was over. She knew he had feelings for her, so why was this so hard. Bling was right, until they had a real commitment things would be weird. Max began slowly, "Logan, I need to tell you some stuff about my past. OK."

Logan looked on very confused. He nodded for her to continue as his face softened. She took a deep breath and just started talking hoping it would come out naturally. "I have never been much for the affection. I guess it always felt fake or people were weak for wanting it. When I was a kid, I found that a few times a year I really liked being around boys. I liked the way guys smelled and liked being touched."

Logan listened intently, trying to figure out where this was going. Max continued, "As I got older I learned that making out felt good so when those times of year hit I wanted to make out. Now that I am older I know what sex feels like, during those periods of time I basically go into heat. Remember Eric? The guy you thought was my boyfriend earlier this year?" Max said slowly. Logan really did not want to think about Max having sex with that guy or any guy.

"If you remember, you thought I was acting weird around that time. I was having one of those 'I like all men' periods of time. I was fighting the urges around you, so I went out and picked up Eric. I would have slept with him to, if he didn't pass out from drinking too much," Max explained.

// She didn't sleep with him. She didn't sleep with him. //

Max took the smile on Logan's face as a good sign. "I approached Bling about how to tell you about this. I mean, this goes a little beyond the normal sexual history conversation. This is more the 'I pretty much have to lock myself up if I don't want to cheat' conversation. Bling brought to my attention the fact that this would be a non-issue if we had made commitment to each other."

Logan's face dropped. She didn't feel like they had made a commitment to one another. Max recognized the look of dismay. "It is not that I don't want a commitment. I just don't know what sort of commitment to make. That is to say I don't know what…. Logan what are we?" Max said in slight desperation. Logan rolled closed to her and kissed her lips. He handed her the letter her wrote earlier.

"Dear Max,

I'm sitting in my room listening to you rustle about one room away.

I want to come over and make whatever is wrong better. I want to hold you

and talk to you until the sun comes up. Being without you these last few days

has made me realize how much you mean to me. I'm playing for keeps here.

I may not know how to show it sometimes but I can't imagine a day going by

without you in it. I know it may sound silly but I need you to know that there

is no one for me but you nor is there a inkling that there could be. My

commitment is to you and only you. My parent had written in their wedding

bands a line of scripture, "I am to my beloved as my beloved is to me." That

is how I feel about you. You are my beloved.

Logan"

Max read to the letter in silence. When she finished, tears ran down her cheeks. Logan kissed her again saying, "You are my beloved. If anyone asks you can call me your beloved or boyfriend, whatever you prefer… Are you still in heat now?" Logan asked gently.

She nodded her head clutching a pillow to her body. Logan touched her head lightly. "You are fighting so hard. It may be makings the symptoms worse. These desires can most likely be sated, without having to be overtly sexual."

"Logan, I'm part feline. I doubt my genes are exactly rational."

"Have you ever tried having someone you love, hold you and tell you how much you mean to them?"

"No. And to be blunt I am not ready to sleep with you."

"Hey, I'm not ready either but there are other things, other ways. If it feels too intimate, we can stop…No clothing removed or anything."

Max's head beaded with sweat; she felt conflicted. Logan would not take advantage of her, she knew. He genuinely seemed to want to help, but she wasn't sure if she trusted herself. "We will try it, but if I push away you move away fast. OK," Max said in a remarkably child like way.

Logan smiled and stroked Max's cheek, "Of course." Logan got on the sofa with Max. He motioned for her to come to him. Max buried her face in his chest ashamed of her present state. "Max, am I allowed to be ashamed of being paralyzed?" Logan asked gently looking deeply into her eyes to show his acceptance. "We all struggle."

Max looked into his face and saw the love in his eyes and kissed him. The kiss, however, was hard and passionate, as she sought access to his mouth with her tongue. "Beloved…slowly, lightly, that will be better." Logan stroked Max's cheek, kissing her lips softly. No tongue, no roaming hands; just caressing her cheek. Logan played with Max's hair when a wave of desire hit her. This time, she tried handling it Logan's way, kissing him gently and holding him to her. "I love you Max" Logan whispered into Max's ear. Tears streamed down her face.

//He loves me. He said it. There was no stammer in his statement. This is not a ploy to get me into bed. He loves me and I know it's true. //

The hormones were strong. Logan held Max close so she could take him in by smell and feel his body heat. It didn't drive her insane the way she thought it would. She gave into her desire to be with him just not sexually. He got her some ice to suck on as he softly stroked her neck. The ebb and flow of the hormones became easier to manage as the sun rose in Seattle. The gently caresses of genuine love had won out over the hormones and she fell asleep in his arms.

If one falls down, his friends can help him up.

But pity the man who fells and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone.

***********************************************************************

Bling arrived in the morning; to find Logan asleep on the couch with Max curled up on top of him. They were both fully clothed, but part of him wondered if something had happened the night before. Bling trusted them, especially Logan.

Logan stirred a bit and marveled at the woman asleep in his arms. He kissed her forehead as she snuggled into his chest. He finally noticed Bling staring at him from across the room. "Hey there," Logan mouthed.

"Hey yourself…You break my 'no sex' rule last night?" Logan questioned.

"No."

"You lying?"

"No."

"Did she tell you?" Bling asked

"Yes," Logan fussed.

"I'm impressed."

"With what?" Logan inquired.

"Your restraint…I'll make breakfast," Bling stated.

"Thanks…" Logan said, as Max began to stir. Logan wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling her ear, "Morning."

"Morning," Max said with a yawn, looking at Logan bleary eyed. She heard Bling in the kitchen. "Bling?" she asked and Logan nodded. "Do I look as embarrassed as I feel?"

"Why are you embarrassed?" Logan asked, partially liking to see her unnerved.

"I don't know," Max said with a pout.

Logan slid into his wheelchair and then took Max's hand, "Come on. Let's have breakfast."

"Logan…"

"Yeah…" Logan said, his face displaying the innocence of his intentions.

"I…. Thank you," Max said trying to express how she felt, but not quite able to yet.

Logan looked into her eyes and said, "I love you Max," as if that explained everything.

"I love you too…" Max got out the words. "Come on. Let's have breakfast," she said, before Logan could respond. He sat for a moment and then rode after her to the kitchen with the biggest grin on his face. //She did it. She said the words. //