Sharing The Secret
Pt. 4- For the love of hope
Dot looked at the ceiling of her bedroom, as she had the night before and the night before that.
She laid awake sorting through her thoughts .
In one way she was glad, Bob was alive, and in another she imagined how he must feel.
She got up and walked over to her window , gazing at the lights that made up the city.
She now knew what being heartbroken felt like. She felt as though she had an aching void inside her, that nothing could ever fill. "Oh Bob..." she said. How could she help him
He didn't want to live and he didn't know how to die........
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"Mouse" Enzo's voice called to her as she walked in to the diner
"Hi there sugah," she said, ruffling his hair.
"Mouse?" He asked almost desperately
"Not now hon" she smiled. To her surprise Enzo started to cry
"what's going on.." He sniffed " Nobody talks to me anymore...why is everybody always upset..what did I do wrong...sniff"
Mouse bent down, her heart went out to him. In all the fuss over Bob they'd almost forgotten him.
She took him in her arms, "he must be so confused" she thought "staying with sitters , not knowing why everyone is acting so strange"
" I'm sorry Enzo," she began " we were so busy with Bob, I guess we didn't stop to think that you'd be worried to"
"Well I was" He pouted."....... When can I visit Bob?"
"Not for a while.." Mouse said
"Why not!!" Enzo snapped " I'm not afraid of blood, or seeing needles or Bob hooked up to the machines. I've been in the hospital before...."
"Bob isn't hooked up to any machines Enzo, there's no blood or needles either" Mouse began
Enzo looked at her shocked " But I thought ... Dot said Bob was sick"
", he is ...sick Enzo"
"But you just said..."
"It's a type of sickness you can't see" she continued "it's in his head, affecting his mind"
Enzo sat back for a moment thinking about what she had just said.
He choked back a sob "what does it do to him?" he asked
Mouse let out a sad sigh "well sometimes he gets very upset, and he yells at people,. He feels very scared even when there isn't any reason to be...."
Enzo looked at his shoes " I hope Bob gets better" Then he thought of something.
"What's wrong?" Mouse asked
"Nothing," he called to her " For once something is right". He ran out the door and down the street.
Mouse smiled as she watched him go.
She heard heavy steps come down the stairs as Dot walked past her.
"Dot honey, you ok?"
For a moment the other woman didn't respond, she walked to the end of the diner and leaned against the wall "I tried ..I tried to make him want to live" she eyes barely holding in her tears.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Dot" Mouse said evenly "Bob is flirting with death, whose fault it is doesn't matter anymore. He is becoming obsessed with the idea of dying as a way to escape his life.
Dot didn't answer
"You don't have mystical powers Dot, none of us do. You can't help him till he decides to help himself.
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Enzo stopped in front of an old store window glancing at the various items. He looked around frantically "It's got to be here still !" he thought.
He looked up and down each row, finally he spotted it and ran inside. "I want that locket!" he shouted at the clerk.
The binome looked up at him from his paper. " you got any money kid " he sneered.
"Of course I do" Enzo then pulled out a five dollar bill, a quarter three nickels and a pick of gum.
"Oops" he snatched the gum back up. "Here ya go" he pushed the money over to the clerk.
"That's five dollars and forty cents" the binome replied in amusement
"I know" Enzo said "I was saving it for a new bike... but this is more important"
"I'm sorry sonny but that's a gold locket, it costs a lot more than five dollars and forty cents"
" But ...I have to have that locket.. " Enzo pleaded
"What do you want with a gold locket ?" he asked
"I want to help my friend get better" Enzo cried "Even if it only helps a little bit, please...I'll pay you the rest later"
"you'd be paying me for the rest of your life" the shop keeper said.
He backed away surprised when Enzo answered him without hesitation " I'll do it ...you can have all the money I ever get... for the rest of my life...just please give me the locket.
The clerk thought for a moment " what to do , keep the locket and break the child's heart. Or .." The clerk smiled, there really was no negotiating. He couldn't deny this boy whose eyes begged him with a desperation so great that it seemed he might shatter to pieces if refused.
" The locket would mean very little in the bank books., yet it meant everything to the small sprite before him" he thought.
"My boy your in luck,"he said " why I don't know how I missed it,...but it appears that this locket is on sale.
"Really?" Enzo smiled briefly before frowning again " It doesn't matter, I still don't have enough." He turned to leave.
"Would you look at that!" the clerk said "On sale for....five dollars and forty cents!"
Enzo carried the locket home. Griping it tightly against his chest as though he were holding a treasure.. and quite possibly he was.
When he entered the diner, C'eil told him that Dot and Mouse had gone to see Bob again.
He nodded and ran upstairs. After closing the door to his room he began to go though all the photo albums he'd been able to find.
An hour later he had, narrowed his choices down to three pictures. One of Bob and Dot in the diner, one of Dot , himself and Frisket and one that Phong had given them, of the whole group standing together.
Enzo smiled as he trimmed the photo of the group, then put it in the locket
"there" he said as he looked at it."hmm" something was missing . He took a pen , and wrote something on the other side. Then he put the locket in his pouch and waited for the others to get back.
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Dot and Mouse sat in the lobby, waiting for Bob to finish up another test.
"You know Dot, I really think you should let Enzo come visit Bob, at least once .It's been almost a month now and the poor little guy is worried about him."
"But Mouse, ..Bob isn't the same sprite Enzo knew"
"Your right he's not... But you can't hide Bob from him forever, Enzo will sooner or later have to deal with the fact that Bob's changed, he's not the same sprite he once was."
"Mizz Matrix" a nurse called "You can go in now"
Dot walked in the room slowly, Mouse at her heels.
The room was dark, and cool. Bob lay on his cot, eyes closed, his face a mask of pain. Despite the cold temperature, he was slicked with sweat, and breathing hard.
Dots soul ached to see him in such misery and she longed to push the pain away.
Stepping lightly she walked over to the bed and placed a hand on his shoulder.
His eyes sprang open as he blasted out the words "GET OUT...get out get out GET OUT!!!!!"
Dot and Mouse clung to each other neither one had ever seen him so furious. "Get out!!!" he said again.
"Why!!" Mouse shouted back
"Because I want to be alone, Damnit!!"
"Bob, I want to stay!" Dot said firmly
"I want you to leave!!" he roared on the verge of losing it .
"Bob, I love you!!" she cried hoping it would get through to him in some way.
"Well I hate you!!......I" Bob's jaw dropped as he realized what he had just said."Dot ..I" He looked at Dot, clinging to Mouse ,they were both crying, from fear?, from sadness? Perhaps both, and it was because of him.
Bob stumbled past them into the corridor.
"I'm sorry" he whispered
Bob... wait" Mouse managed to say, turning towards the door
Bob shut his eyes and bolted for the main entrance.
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He ran and kept on running, his lungs burned as he gasped for air, his heart ,pounding against his chest felt like it would it explode. He turned into the energy park. His legs felt like lead weights, and he suddenly lost his footing when one gave out on him.
With a heavy thud he landed in the dust, "Uhhnnn" he moaned his body was throbbing all over, "it's not near as bad as how I feel right now" Bob thought to himself.
He was so ashamed, he had just told the woman of his dreams he hated her... he had never seen fear like that in her eyes before... fear. .directed at him..
He felt his stomach tightened and everything in it rose, he bent over by some bushes and vomited.
"If only all problems could be solved so easily" he said weakly.
Bob paced silently along the side walk. He had no real destination is sight, he just had to get away from them all for a while.
They were only trying to help but, he felt as though he were being suffocated, pulled in all directions at once. It was unnerving
He glanced over at his reflection in a fountain.
"You know what happened" he said to the face that stared back at him from the waters " "..happened... almost a year ago...." His throat started to work. " them .. surrounding us on that
deserted back road..." his voice cracked " the fear in our eyes ....reflected in theirs..." Bob hung his head now, ashamed of losing his control in public. But his tears kept coming, his emotions wouldn't be held captive any longer. " and... that one second , when we could have escaped...when we could have got away..... i..i..it.was.t.there " Bob then added quietly "It.. had..t.t.. to be ...there.
"But I missed it, and...and.." Bob began to cry uncontrollably " I...I..I'm ..s..s.s..so..s..sorry, Dot.
It's all ...m..my...fault.."
"Bob" A deep voice echoed through the night
"Matrix!!" Bob yelped "I'm sorry I didn't hear you" he said , wiping the tears from his eyes.
"I should apologize for disturbing you" Matrix said
"It's .... ok" Bob replied , figuring Matrix was here, to try and comfort him too
Can I ask you a question? Matrix said suddenly
This caught Bob by surprise somewhat, he looked up at Matrix and nodded.
Matrix turned and looked into the fountain " Do you ever ask yourself why you had to be the one to be there that night?"
Bob let out a heavy sigh "Matrix, I ask myself that question a thousand times a day. But I guess you ask yourself why you had to be the one to loose your childhood to the web.
Matrix answered him, without a moments hesitation
"No , I don"t" he answered "I was there because I had a promise to keep. I promised Dot that I would find you.....Add" he added somewhat sadly " I promised you that I would protect the system" he closed his eyes "when I lost the game , I knew I'd broken one of my promises. I had to keep the other. So I switched my icon, went with the game and......left my life forever."
Matrix turned to face Bob, who was now listening intently to him. " I never thought I would find you.....I never expected to see Mainframe again.....For a long, long time I found it difficult to live with the pain of knowing, that if I hadn't lost that game we would have been together.
"Oh, but Matrix there was no way you could have known that would happen..i..it wasn't your fault" Bob said laying a hand on his shoulder.
Matrix chuckled softly "I know, but it took me a long time to realize that....And now you must realize that what happened to you is not your fault either ..ok?"
Bob looked to his feet, then back at Matrix ",K" he said softly
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While walking back to the core Matrix kept glancing at Bob from time to time to make sure he was alright.
Bob for the most part kept quiet thinking to himself. Finally coming to the conclusion that Matrix did have a point.
He began to thank him when, another sprite crashed into them.
"I'm sor...." Bob's face went as white as a sheet as did the strangers.
"Bob what is it?" Matrix asked, his friend looked ready to faint
"Him he's one of ..of the ones who....."
He turned to Matrix panic in his voice "MATRIX, THEIR HERE !!!!"
End Pt. 4