Well this is the last chapter and I hope you like it. I might write more Digimon fics later, but who knows. Don't worry, though, they won't all be "coming out" stories. I guess I have to say again that there might be some Yaoi here, but unless you're the most homophobic person on earth you probably won't be offended. Finally, I don't own Digimon. Well, here's chapter 4...
**********************
Matt and Izzy walked off the school grounds and back in the direction of their homes. It was getting close to dinner time and Matt was hungry. As if on cue, Izzy asked:
"So where do you want to eat?"
"I don't have any money."
"That's ok, neither do I. We can eat something at my house."
"Ok cool. Hey wait a minute, you asked me where I wanted to eat."
"Well, in recollection, I suppose I did pose that question to you." Izzy gave Matt a puzzled look.
"So you want my opinion for what I want to eat, but you won't let me answer for myself about what I want to do tomorrow."
Izzy got the picture. "I know what you want to do, but it's not always what you say. You want to see Sora tomorrow, but you never would have accepted her date. I hate to say it Matt, but you can be too antisocial sometimes. You'd have more fun and be a happier person if you just spent more time with your friends and less time in your room."
Matt was defensive, but not angry. "Whoa, hold on a minute. First of all, it's not a date because you'll be there. Second of all, even if you weren't there it still wouldn't be a date, because we're just friends, and that's all we'll ever be. I know I need to get out of my apartment, but you spend more time in your room than I do, and that's counting when I sleep too."
"Yeah," Izzy replied "but I do that by choice and I make sure I go out with my friends after sitting in my room too long. You don't like being alone but you don't do anything to change that. I'm worried that you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself."
Matt didn't know what to say because Izzy was right. For so long he never though the little guy had anything to say, not until they got to know each other better, but he never thought Izzy could read his mind like that. Well, Matt thought, if he really could read my mind, would he have even let me in his apartment today?
Izzy went on. "I know you like Sora and if you don't make time to spend with her then you'll never get to know her better. If you want to be with her alone then I won't come. Just make up an excuse for me."
"Why wouldn't I want you to come?" Matt asked.
"Well, uh...so you could talk to her alone? Don't you like her?"
"Uh..." Matt thought about the question.
"Well do you or not?" Izzy asked again, almost confrontationally.
"Oh Izz I don't know..." Matt stopped walking and leaned against a tree. He just stared at the ground.
"Hey, are you ok? What's wrong?" Izzy turned to Matt, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"I don't know." Matt said, quickly brushing Izzy's hand down and turning away. "I...I don't know how to talk about it Izz."
"Well, just tell me what's wrong. I'm sorry if you didn't want to see Sora, I didn't know..."
"No, no, it's not that. I want to see her, it's just..." Matt searched for the right words to say. Was this the moment? Was today the day? He hadn't planned it like this, but he knew it really wasn't something he could plan for. He took a deep breath. "Look Izzy, you're my friend right?" he asked, turned away. He didn't want to manipulate Izzy into saying or thinking anything by looking him in the eyes.
"Yeah Matt." Izzy replied. "You know I am. You can tell me anything, you know."
"Ok, well, I like Sora, I really do, but just as a friend, that's all." He knew this was all going to end badly.
"Ok, I think I understand." Izzy said calmly. "Is that it?.....There is more isn't there?"
Matt cleared his throat. The sun was going to set soon. There wasn't really anyone else around, not on their block. He was still looking down, but he had turned toward Izzy. "Ok, I don't know how else to say it, so I'm just going to come out and say it. I'm struggling with my sexuality." He had said it, finally. He felt like he needed to say it again, to hammer it home, to make sure Izzy understood. "I'm attracted to other guys."
Izzy looked down. He didn't say anything, but he just looked down at the cracks in the sidewalk.
After another minute, Matt spoke again. "So you know, I just had to say it, because I want to be your friend but I can't unless you know who I really am. Now that you know you can just walk away if you want, I really wouldn't blame you or hold it against you, you know." Matt slumped to the ground and sat down.
"Why would I want to do that?" Izzy asked. He sat down with Matt on the sidewalk against a concrete wall. They sat silently for another minute. Izzy spoke up. "How long have you known.?"
Matt didn't know what that meant. His whole life, he guessed. "I don't know. A while, maybe."
Izzy looked over at Matt. Matt looked up for a second and they made eye contact. He quickly looked back down and wondered if he could ever look Izzy in the eyes again.
"Are you ok?" Izzy asked. He put his hand on Matt's knee. Matt looked up at Izzy and smiled.
"So, what do you think?" Matt asked.
"About what?"
"About your cool guy friend."
"I still think you're cool. Why wouldn't I?" Izzy asked.
"Because I'm a faggot." Matt replied. He hated that word but he still considered himself to be one.
"Don't say that. I'm still your friend and just because you like guys doesn't mean that anything is different."
Matt looked down and wiped a small tear from his cheek. It was just a small one, but it had been building for a long time and it felt bigger than any other he had ever shed. "But I thought you didn't like gays Izzy. You said..."
"Hey, I'm sorry about that. I...I didn't know then. I was real immature then and I didn't even mean it. Those were just jokes I heard, you know." Izzy sniffed. "I'm sorry Matt. Will you forgive me?"
"Yeah...yeah I will." Matt replied. "Don't even worry about it."
"I won't."
They sat on the ground for a few more minutes as the sun began to set. Neither of them really knew what to say. Then Izzy spoke up.
"I love you Matt. You're my best friend, you know."
Matt didn't know what to say to that. He was so certain that he would be sitting on the ground alone, that Izzy would be 3 blocks away by now. "I love you too Izzy."
They watched the sun set, and as the high-rises cast shadows on them, Izzy stood up. "C'mon, you wanna get something to eat?" He held his hand out to Matt.
Matt looked up at his friend and took his hand. Izzy helped pull him up and they started walking back to Izzy's. It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Matt took a deep breath to see if it felt any differently. It didn't, but he still felt so much better.
"So you wanna go to the beach tomorrow?" Matt asked. "You think Sora would want to go?"
"Yeah, that would be fun. She'd love to go too." Izzy replied. "You know, I think she cares about you a lot. She's asked about you everytime I've see her since we got back."
"Really?" asked Matt.
"Yeah." They walked for a while more. Izzy's building was a block away. "You know, if you ever need someone to talk to, you know you can talk to me...I think Sora feels the same way, and if you ever wanted to tell her, I know she would listen."
"You think?"
"Yeah."
They entered Izzy's building and took the elevator up to the twelfth floor. Back in Izzy's apartment, no one was home. "My parents went downtown in the afternoon, they must have gone to out to dinner." They listened to the tunes Izzy downloaded earlier in the day, ate sandwhiches and emailed Joe's computer a virus.
"Gee, I wonder who he'll think it's from?" Matt asked sarcastically. Of course he would know.
"Oh, it won't do much more than erase his hard drive. Don't worry." Izzy replied casually.
"What?"
"Relax, not before it replicates it and stores it on my server." Izzy slapped the big computer on the floor next to his bed. "I'll email it back to him in a day or two. He'll never know what happened to it!"
"Izzy, you have a sick mind." Matt looked at the clock. "Hey, it's getting late. I should be getting home, my family is probably home by now."
They carried their dishes out of Izzy's room to the kitchen. Matt sort of stood silently, thinking that maybe there was something he was supposed to say, but he couldn't think of anything. Instead, Izzy spoke up.
"You know Matt, I'm glad you told me that."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah...Hey Matt, can I ask you something?" Izzy said, almost sheepishly.
"Yeah, anything Izz." Matt wondered what it could be.
"Um...would it be ok with you if I gave you a hug?"
Matt never expected that an hour after telling his friend that he was gay that Izzy would be asking him for a hug. He couldn't believe it. He thought Izzy would never ever want Matt to touch him again, let alone give him a hug.
"No. I'd really like it actually."
Izzy walked forward and put his arms around Matt. Matt put his arms around Izzy and embraced him. For a few seconds they just stood there, but it was the most meaningful expression of love between friends either of them had ever had ever experienced. When they were done, Matt walked to the door.
"Come over around 1:00. We'll be ready, Ok?"
"Both of you?" Izzy asked.
"You know we will." Matt replied. The door to Izzy's apartment shut behind him. Matt rode the elevator to the first floor and left the building. He looked up at Izzy's apartment and saw the light on. He wished they had a balcony like the Izumis did. He walked the five blocks to his building thinking about the events of his day, thinking about how he would do things differently from now on. Whatever tough face he had tried to put on himself in the past needed to go, he saw that he needed people and that maybe, just maybe, they needed him. He also thought hugging Izzy was like hugging T.K., except with a lot more hair in your face. He smiled and let himself in.
At his apartment, he unlocked the door and saw his family in the living room together. They were happy to see him and asked how his day was. Matt told them that he went with Izzy to watch Sora's soccer game and that they hung out at his place afterwards. T.K. told him excitedly about thier trip to the zoo and about each and every animal he saw.
"I never saw any like Patamon though." he said sadly. "Except in the bay house, cuz there were bats everywhere and they were flying all over the place and..." He was so happy. "Why didn't you come with Matt?"
"Aw T.K., I'm sorry. I'll go with next time, I promise."
His family was watching a TV show Matt didn't really like, so he quietly walked to his room and closed the door behind him. He laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling, only this time he couldn't help thinking about how good things were. He thought about calling Sora in the morning, and how he couldn't fall asleep fast enough to do it. He thought about hugging Izzy, and how good that made him feel on the inside. He thought about all his friends and his family and realized that he really was loved. A lot. He felt a great peace inside him and knew that everything was going to be ok. Today was the day.
**********************
Matt and Izzy walked off the school grounds and back in the direction of their homes. It was getting close to dinner time and Matt was hungry. As if on cue, Izzy asked:
"So where do you want to eat?"
"I don't have any money."
"That's ok, neither do I. We can eat something at my house."
"Ok cool. Hey wait a minute, you asked me where I wanted to eat."
"Well, in recollection, I suppose I did pose that question to you." Izzy gave Matt a puzzled look.
"So you want my opinion for what I want to eat, but you won't let me answer for myself about what I want to do tomorrow."
Izzy got the picture. "I know what you want to do, but it's not always what you say. You want to see Sora tomorrow, but you never would have accepted her date. I hate to say it Matt, but you can be too antisocial sometimes. You'd have more fun and be a happier person if you just spent more time with your friends and less time in your room."
Matt was defensive, but not angry. "Whoa, hold on a minute. First of all, it's not a date because you'll be there. Second of all, even if you weren't there it still wouldn't be a date, because we're just friends, and that's all we'll ever be. I know I need to get out of my apartment, but you spend more time in your room than I do, and that's counting when I sleep too."
"Yeah," Izzy replied "but I do that by choice and I make sure I go out with my friends after sitting in my room too long. You don't like being alone but you don't do anything to change that. I'm worried that you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself."
Matt didn't know what to say because Izzy was right. For so long he never though the little guy had anything to say, not until they got to know each other better, but he never thought Izzy could read his mind like that. Well, Matt thought, if he really could read my mind, would he have even let me in his apartment today?
Izzy went on. "I know you like Sora and if you don't make time to spend with her then you'll never get to know her better. If you want to be with her alone then I won't come. Just make up an excuse for me."
"Why wouldn't I want you to come?" Matt asked.
"Well, uh...so you could talk to her alone? Don't you like her?"
"Uh..." Matt thought about the question.
"Well do you or not?" Izzy asked again, almost confrontationally.
"Oh Izz I don't know..." Matt stopped walking and leaned against a tree. He just stared at the ground.
"Hey, are you ok? What's wrong?" Izzy turned to Matt, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"I don't know." Matt said, quickly brushing Izzy's hand down and turning away. "I...I don't know how to talk about it Izz."
"Well, just tell me what's wrong. I'm sorry if you didn't want to see Sora, I didn't know..."
"No, no, it's not that. I want to see her, it's just..." Matt searched for the right words to say. Was this the moment? Was today the day? He hadn't planned it like this, but he knew it really wasn't something he could plan for. He took a deep breath. "Look Izzy, you're my friend right?" he asked, turned away. He didn't want to manipulate Izzy into saying or thinking anything by looking him in the eyes.
"Yeah Matt." Izzy replied. "You know I am. You can tell me anything, you know."
"Ok, well, I like Sora, I really do, but just as a friend, that's all." He knew this was all going to end badly.
"Ok, I think I understand." Izzy said calmly. "Is that it?.....There is more isn't there?"
Matt cleared his throat. The sun was going to set soon. There wasn't really anyone else around, not on their block. He was still looking down, but he had turned toward Izzy. "Ok, I don't know how else to say it, so I'm just going to come out and say it. I'm struggling with my sexuality." He had said it, finally. He felt like he needed to say it again, to hammer it home, to make sure Izzy understood. "I'm attracted to other guys."
Izzy looked down. He didn't say anything, but he just looked down at the cracks in the sidewalk.
After another minute, Matt spoke again. "So you know, I just had to say it, because I want to be your friend but I can't unless you know who I really am. Now that you know you can just walk away if you want, I really wouldn't blame you or hold it against you, you know." Matt slumped to the ground and sat down.
"Why would I want to do that?" Izzy asked. He sat down with Matt on the sidewalk against a concrete wall. They sat silently for another minute. Izzy spoke up. "How long have you known.?"
Matt didn't know what that meant. His whole life, he guessed. "I don't know. A while, maybe."
Izzy looked over at Matt. Matt looked up for a second and they made eye contact. He quickly looked back down and wondered if he could ever look Izzy in the eyes again.
"Are you ok?" Izzy asked. He put his hand on Matt's knee. Matt looked up at Izzy and smiled.
"So, what do you think?" Matt asked.
"About what?"
"About your cool guy friend."
"I still think you're cool. Why wouldn't I?" Izzy asked.
"Because I'm a faggot." Matt replied. He hated that word but he still considered himself to be one.
"Don't say that. I'm still your friend and just because you like guys doesn't mean that anything is different."
Matt looked down and wiped a small tear from his cheek. It was just a small one, but it had been building for a long time and it felt bigger than any other he had ever shed. "But I thought you didn't like gays Izzy. You said..."
"Hey, I'm sorry about that. I...I didn't know then. I was real immature then and I didn't even mean it. Those were just jokes I heard, you know." Izzy sniffed. "I'm sorry Matt. Will you forgive me?"
"Yeah...yeah I will." Matt replied. "Don't even worry about it."
"I won't."
They sat on the ground for a few more minutes as the sun began to set. Neither of them really knew what to say. Then Izzy spoke up.
"I love you Matt. You're my best friend, you know."
Matt didn't know what to say to that. He was so certain that he would be sitting on the ground alone, that Izzy would be 3 blocks away by now. "I love you too Izzy."
They watched the sun set, and as the high-rises cast shadows on them, Izzy stood up. "C'mon, you wanna get something to eat?" He held his hand out to Matt.
Matt looked up at his friend and took his hand. Izzy helped pull him up and they started walking back to Izzy's. It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Matt took a deep breath to see if it felt any differently. It didn't, but he still felt so much better.
"So you wanna go to the beach tomorrow?" Matt asked. "You think Sora would want to go?"
"Yeah, that would be fun. She'd love to go too." Izzy replied. "You know, I think she cares about you a lot. She's asked about you everytime I've see her since we got back."
"Really?" asked Matt.
"Yeah." They walked for a while more. Izzy's building was a block away. "You know, if you ever need someone to talk to, you know you can talk to me...I think Sora feels the same way, and if you ever wanted to tell her, I know she would listen."
"You think?"
"Yeah."
They entered Izzy's building and took the elevator up to the twelfth floor. Back in Izzy's apartment, no one was home. "My parents went downtown in the afternoon, they must have gone to out to dinner." They listened to the tunes Izzy downloaded earlier in the day, ate sandwhiches and emailed Joe's computer a virus.
"Gee, I wonder who he'll think it's from?" Matt asked sarcastically. Of course he would know.
"Oh, it won't do much more than erase his hard drive. Don't worry." Izzy replied casually.
"What?"
"Relax, not before it replicates it and stores it on my server." Izzy slapped the big computer on the floor next to his bed. "I'll email it back to him in a day or two. He'll never know what happened to it!"
"Izzy, you have a sick mind." Matt looked at the clock. "Hey, it's getting late. I should be getting home, my family is probably home by now."
They carried their dishes out of Izzy's room to the kitchen. Matt sort of stood silently, thinking that maybe there was something he was supposed to say, but he couldn't think of anything. Instead, Izzy spoke up.
"You know Matt, I'm glad you told me that."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah...Hey Matt, can I ask you something?" Izzy said, almost sheepishly.
"Yeah, anything Izz." Matt wondered what it could be.
"Um...would it be ok with you if I gave you a hug?"
Matt never expected that an hour after telling his friend that he was gay that Izzy would be asking him for a hug. He couldn't believe it. He thought Izzy would never ever want Matt to touch him again, let alone give him a hug.
"No. I'd really like it actually."
Izzy walked forward and put his arms around Matt. Matt put his arms around Izzy and embraced him. For a few seconds they just stood there, but it was the most meaningful expression of love between friends either of them had ever had ever experienced. When they were done, Matt walked to the door.
"Come over around 1:00. We'll be ready, Ok?"
"Both of you?" Izzy asked.
"You know we will." Matt replied. The door to Izzy's apartment shut behind him. Matt rode the elevator to the first floor and left the building. He looked up at Izzy's apartment and saw the light on. He wished they had a balcony like the Izumis did. He walked the five blocks to his building thinking about the events of his day, thinking about how he would do things differently from now on. Whatever tough face he had tried to put on himself in the past needed to go, he saw that he needed people and that maybe, just maybe, they needed him. He also thought hugging Izzy was like hugging T.K., except with a lot more hair in your face. He smiled and let himself in.
At his apartment, he unlocked the door and saw his family in the living room together. They were happy to see him and asked how his day was. Matt told them that he went with Izzy to watch Sora's soccer game and that they hung out at his place afterwards. T.K. told him excitedly about thier trip to the zoo and about each and every animal he saw.
"I never saw any like Patamon though." he said sadly. "Except in the bay house, cuz there were bats everywhere and they were flying all over the place and..." He was so happy. "Why didn't you come with Matt?"
"Aw T.K., I'm sorry. I'll go with next time, I promise."
His family was watching a TV show Matt didn't really like, so he quietly walked to his room and closed the door behind him. He laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling, only this time he couldn't help thinking about how good things were. He thought about calling Sora in the morning, and how he couldn't fall asleep fast enough to do it. He thought about hugging Izzy, and how good that made him feel on the inside. He thought about all his friends and his family and realized that he really was loved. A lot. He felt a great peace inside him and knew that everything was going to be ok. Today was the day.