Unheard Voices
Chapter 2: Doubt and Solitude
by Silver
*All Too-Standard Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, its characters, or its creatures. Maybe I should ask Toei Animation if I could at least borrow them for a couple of years.*
Author's Note: You might want to read "Hard Times," a short story I did on TK in addition to this chapter. There are some common themes running through both this story and "Hard Times".
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"Takashi! Wake up!" TK looked at his basketball coach with a half-awake expression on his face.
"Sorry, coach. I didn't sleep very well last night."
His coach was unsympathetic, "No excuses! We've got a big game coming up, and I don't have time for zombies on the court! Either get with it or get lost!" TK shook his head. His coach didn't realize what was happening in TK's life.
It was the day after TK and Davis went to Meadow Town. TK had been up all night pondering Kiwimon's words. He couldn't help but wonder if the Digimon had been right. Was it TK's fault that all those evil Digimon appeared? Had it been because of the Digidestined legend that all those tragedies occurred in the Digital World? TK hadn't breathed a word of what had happened to Kari or the others; he wasn't sure about Davis, however.
Basketball practice ended after an eternity. TK had probably played at his lowest level ever. He just couldn't focus on something as minor as basketball when he had all these questions hanging around in his mind. TK showered and dressed to leave. He needed more time to think.
"Hey, TK!" Kari came up. "I was watching your basketball game. You were really out of it, is everything okay?"
TK forced a lie out of his mouth, "Yeah, everything's fine. I guess I'm just a little off today. Don't worry."
Kari folded her arms, "You're lying. I can always tell when you're lying."
TK blinked, "Really?"
Kari nodded, "You're a lousy liar, TK. Now, what's wrong?" She placed a hand on his shoulder.
TK shrugged it off and shook his head, "Nothing's wrong! I'm fine." He spun on his heel and walked away.
Surprised by his rudeness, Kari called after him, "If everything's fine, then why are you acting like such a jerk?"
* * * * * * * *
Davis finished packing his bag and was about to start heading for home when Kari came up to him. Davis' initial joy at having Kari come to see him was slightly diminished by her next question.
"Davis, did something happen to TK yesterday?"
Davis fumbled for words, "Something happened? Well… um…" Davis had been debating this all day. On one hand, the others had a right to know that there was an anti-Digidestined movement starting in the Digital World. On the other hand, Kiwimon's speech had really effected TK, and Davis didn't want to force TK to talk about it before he was ready. TK and Davis had a lot of arguments, but Davis still thought that TK was his friend, albeit a somewhat distant friend.
Kari's look softened, "Davis, please, I need to know if something's wrong with TK."
Davis sighed and made his decision. "Okay, something did happen yesterday in the Digital World. I'm not really sure I should be telling you this…"
* * * * * * * *
TK sat on the edge of the school roof, looking out over the city around him. All those people can be so carefree. What I wouldn't give to be one of them…
"TK!" Patamon came flying up from a nearby tree. "Hey, are we going home?"
TK replied, "Yeah, in a minute." He was silent for a moment, "Patamon, what do you think about the Digidestined?"
Patamon blinked, "What do you mean?"
"I mean, are you glad we came to the Digital World?"
Patamon nodded, "Of course! You're the best friend I could ever have. Same goes for the others."
TK said, "But if we hadn't come, you would have had to leave your home, File Island. And if we hadn't shown up, you wouldn't have had to fight all those evil Digimon or get hurt. And… you wouldn't… you wouldn't have had to die in the fight with Devimon!" TK's body began to shudder.
Patamon grew concerned, "You're still dwelling on that? TK, it wasn't your fault."
"Yes it was!" TK stood up, "You gave your life to save me, and I couldn't do a thing just because I was a little kid! You'd have been better off if I'd never showed up! Same for my parents and my brother, they'd all have been better off if I'd never been born!"
"That's not true, TK." TK turned around. Kari and Davis were standing at the door to the roof. Kari's eyes were both stern and sympathetic at the same time. "I don't want to think about where we'd be if you weren't around."
TK read the look in Kari's eyes, then glanced at Davis, "You told her, didn't you?"
Davis replied, "You didn't give me much choice, man. You've been tearing yourself up ever since we left Meadow Town."
Kari asked, "TK, do you really believe that we were wrong to come to the Digital World?"
TK shook his head. "No, it's just… I can't help feeling that I caused some of all that stuff to happen. I keep wondering if I kept creating all those evil Digimon just because I'm a Digidestined."
Davis frowned, "Just because you are a Digidestined? What about Tai and the others? They're Digidestined too, and so are Cody, Yolei, and I. It's not like this only concerns you, TK."
TK said, "I'm not judging anybody but myself. If it is my fault that evil Digimon started to appear, then I need to know so I can make up for my mistakes!"
Kari placed a hand on TK's shoulder, "TK, you're taking on more responsibility than one person should have. You can't be responsible for everything that happens in the Digital World, or this world. It's not your fault."
TK asked, "But what about the Digidestined legend? What if all those evil Digimon were created because some prophecy about us said that evil Digimon would come?"
Kari replied, "We have no way of knowing if that's true or not, and we shouldn't dwell on it. You need to believe in us, TK. We've dealt with evil Digimon before, and we've kept the peace in the Digital World. If we did cause the creation of evil Digimon, that's too bad, but that just means we have to keep fighting to keep the peace. It's our responsibility."
TK started to say, "But what if-"
Davis burst out, "What if, what if, what if? That's all I'm hearing from you! Look, if you waste all your time asking 'what if this happened' or 'what if that happened' then you'll never get anything done. If you're so worried about what might happen or what could have happened, then you might as well not get out of bed in the morning!"
TK grumbled, "That's easy for you to say."
Davis glared, "No it isn't! I'll be the first one to admit that I've made a lot of mistakes in the past."
TK nodded, "No argument here."
Kari said, "Me neither."
Davis grimaced, "Thanks, thanks a lot." He regained his composure, "But I decided on my walkabout that I'd stop beating myself up for past mistakes. If I spent all my time worrying about what I've done wrong, I'd never have any time to do anything right. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let my troubles stop me from doing the best that I can in whatever it is I'm doing, including being a Digidestined. I think you need to make the same promise, TK."
Kari nodded, "Davis is right, TK. You need to have a little more faith in yourself. And you need to have more faith in us too. You're not alone, we're all in this together."
TK was silent for a moment as Davis and Kari's words sunk in. Finally, he said, "You're… You're right, guys. I'm sorry. It's just that sometimes I feel like I'm the most responsible, because I've been a Digidestined the longest."
Kari said, "TK, I think you need to talk to your mom. That's part of what's bothering you, isn't it?"
TK nodded, "Yeah, it is. I promise I'll talk to my mom tonight. Thanks, Kari. And, thank you, Davis."
Davis smiled, "Sure. No prob." He looked at his watch, "Oh man! I'm late. My folks are working late and Jun's gonna finish all the dinner before I get home! See ya!" He ran back into the building.
Kari giggled, "Davis is still a little out there, but he's a sweet guy."
TK nodded, "Yeah, he's a good friend. So are you, Kari."
Kari smiled at him, "I'll see you later. Call me if you want to talk some more."
TK nodded, "I will." Kari left the rooftop. TK said to Patamon, "Come on, let's go home. I'll make you a really big ice cream sunday."
Patamon jumped up. "Yippie!"
* * * * * * * *
Avatar limped through a dark corridor, and cursed his luck for possessing an injured Kiwimon. He had neither the time nor an opportunity to switch to a different host body. Hopefully, that would change soon. If this plan worked, Avatar's master would reward him with the greatest form in the entire Digital World. A source of power so great, that Avatar would never again need to switch bodies like a parasite. He would finally have a body to call his own, forever. Failure not only meant the denial of such power, but also Avatar's own destruction.
He entered a large round audience chamber within his master's new castle. His lord was sitting on a huge thrown in the middle of the chamber, covered in shadows. All Avatar could make out was his master's large burly form, the horns curving upwards from his head, and the large bat-like wings on his back. Avatar got on his knees, despite the pain of his injuries.
"My lord, I am pleased to report that I have been to several towns, and have gathered a large number of supporters."
The figure on the thrown growled, "What matter is it to me if we have such weaklings serving us?"
Avatar knew that his lord grew impatient. He had waited over four years for this crucial period, and his patience grew thin. The fact that his master had already lost to the Digidestined once didn't help the situation either. Avatar replied, "I assure you, sire, that this is all an important part of my plan to gain more power."
The figure nodded, "Ah, yes. You're great plan. But tell me, what good will an Ultimate Digimon do us? They do not have enough power to fulfill my needs."
Avatar explained, "Sadly, my lord, there are no more Mega Digimon for us to recruit. The Digidestined destroyed them all. Therefore, I have been forced to resort to my backup plan. The Digimon we seek is one of the few Digimon that falls within the gray area between Ultimate and Mega. Although he is classified as an Ultimate, his power is such that he can compete on the same level as a Mega. While I know that his power will not be enough to fully match your needs, I am confident that his energy will be enough to lay down a firm base of power upon which we can build."
Avatar's master nodded, "Very well. You may proceed with the operation."
Avatar cleared his throat, "There is one small problem. The Digidestined might interfere with my plan."
The figure waved a claw, "They are only a concern as long as they have the Digivolution Crystal. If we can acquire that babble, and the children of hope and light, then none can oppose me. Take Cyclonemon with you. He will deal with anyone who dares to interfere." Avatar could tell that his lord was smiling, "And do be quick about it. My child grows hungry."
Avatar glanced to his right. In the far right area of the chamber there was a large pit. Two control spires, half the size of standard spires, reached up from the pit and bordered a huge organic sack that hung from the ceiling. The sack was black and glowed with a dark purple light. The tissue of the sack pulsed and rippled as the life form within grew. Avatar could feel his mouth water. My power, my body. He raised himself, "I shall not fail, sire. Upon my life!"
His master nodded, "Yes. Your life hangs upon the success of this mission."
* * * * * * * *
TK took a deep breath as he stood outside his mother's room. His belly was a solid ball of ice. He knew he had to go through with this, but it scared him so much. He peeked in on his mother. She was busy typing away at her laptop, as usual. I shouldn't do this. I'll be asking about her divorce without any reason. What if I make her feel bad? What if she gets mad at me?
"If you waste all your time asking 'what if this happened' or 'what if that happened' then you'll never get anything done." "I think you need to talk to your mom. That's part of what's bothering you, isn't it?" Davis and Kari's advice still echoed in TK's mind. They were right; it was high time he asked his mother what the cause of TK's parent's divorce had been. Was it him, or had it been something else? TK had to know, but he was afraid. Part of him was afraid to confront his mother, the other half was afraid to know the truth. Davis had said that TK shouldn't waste his time worrying, so TK took one more breath, and knocked on his mother's door. Let's get this over with.
"Mom? Can I come in for a sec?"
"Sure TK, come in." TK entered and took a closer look at his mother, Nancy. She looked tired and frustrated, which made TK even more reluctant to speak. Despite her tired look, TK's mother smiled at him. "Is something on your mind?"
TK began to fidget with his hands, "Well… I, um… Mom, I need to ask you a question, but I'm afraid that it's the wrong time to ask it."
TK's mother shook her head, "TK, you can ask me any question you have."
TK said, "It's about when you and Dad got a divorce." His mother suddenly had a stern look on her face.
"Oh… I see." Fear welled up in TK, but his mother said, "Please, what is your question?"
TK turned to leave, he couldn't do this. "It's nothing. Never mind."
His mother came up and held his arm to keep him from leaving. She gently turned him towards her. "TK, this is important. I've known for a long time that our divorce has effected you more than you let on. I've been worried that you've been keeping it bottled up inside for too long. Please, ask me your question."
The words exploded from TK's mouth, "I need to know why you and Dad got a divorce. Was it my fault? Did-did I do something to break you two up?" His body began to tremble, and tears welled up in his eyes.
TK's mother wrapped her arms around him and held him close. "Oh, sweetheart, no! No, you didn't do anything to break us up. What ever could have made you think that?"
TK continued to tremble, "It's just that everything seemed to fall apart so fast. One minute, you and Dad were getting along just fine; then, you were talking to us about splitting up the family. I thought that I had done something to make this happen. I figured that I had screwed everything up!" He buried his face in his mother's shoulder and began to weep.
His mother patted his head, "TK, honey, listen to me. You didn't do anything. It's not your fault. Your father and I were having some hard times. We tried to cover it up, but in the end we decided that we just weren't compatible. I loved your father, but something just couldn't hold up. The important thing, however, is that none of that was your fault."
TK said, "I-I just somehow figured that it was. I thought that if I hadn't been there, you guys wouldn't have had to split up. I thought you'd all be better off if I'd never been born."
TK's mother leaned back and cupped her hands around TK's chin. "Never think that, TK. You are the most precious thing in the world to me. I don't want to think about where I'd be without you. Okay?" She pressed her forehead to his.
TK nodded, "Okay." He dried his eyes, and his body stopped shaking.
His mother said, "I'm glad you finally got this out in the open. I've been worried. I would have asked you about it myself, but I was scared to force you to deal with it. That, and I've never been very good at helping my children."
TK shook his head, "That's not true! You're a great Mom!"
She smiled, "I appreciate that, TK, but the truth is that I haven't been doing a good job. I work so late and I can't find a way to speak to you or your brother very comfortably. Sometimes I feel like I'm the one who let everyone down."
TK said, "You haven't! I'm sorry. I'm making you sad for nothing."
His mother replied, "It is something if it makes you this sad. TK, never forget how much your father and I love you."
"I won't, Mom. Thanks."
His mother said, "I need a break. Let's order some take-out and have dinner together." TK smiled.
* * * * * * * *
TK entered his room, feeling ten pounds heavier after having so much food and soda. He and his mother had had their first long talk in a while. They had talked about what was going on in TK's life, and how his mother's job was going. They had also discussed the time of his parent's divorce. His mother had explained that because of the pressure of being two working parents, as well as a low income and high stress, TK's parents had begun to take out their frustrations on each other. When they realized what they were doing, TK's parents had grown afraid that they were setting a poor example for their children, and were running the risk of hurting their children in the process. At first, they had tried to cover things up and start over, but the damage ran too deep. TK's parents had decided to get a divorce because they felt it was the safest thing for the whole family. Once again, TK's mother had assured him that he hadn't caused the divorce. His parents would have split up no matter what happened, and nothing could have stopped it.
His mother had been forced to go back and finish her writing while TK headed back to his room. He felt so relieved, and almost giddy with joy at finally having a normal dinner and conversation with his mother. Patamon was resting on TK's bed. He got up as soon as TK entered the room.
"How'd the talk with your Mom go?"
TK leaned against the door, suddenly feeling very tired. "It went great, Patamon. I feel like I got a big weight off my chest."
Patamon flew up to TK. "That's great. I'm glad you're feeling better. When you're sad, I'm sad."
TK patted the Digimon's head, "Sorry, buddy."
Patamon smiled, "TK, you're my best friend and I love you for that. I'll never forget how you took care of me after I fought with Devimon. You took such good care of me as Poyomon and Tokomon. I'll never, ever, forget that."
TK was about to reply when his D3 buzzed. He pulled it out and looked at the tiny screen. A distress message was flashing in red. It was the kind of distress signal that Tai and the other older Digidestined got when one of their Digimon was in trouble. But Patamon's with me. Who'd send me a distress signal? He took a closer look at the message. It was coming from Primary Village. Elecmon! He needs help! TK turned to his partner, "Patamon, Elecmon needs help! We've got to get moving." He pulled out his digiterminal and sent an e-mail to the others alerting them to the distress signal. It's late, I hope they can all get to a computer in time.
TK ran to his desk and pulled a laptop out of a drawer. His mother had gotten it for him since she was always using her own laptop. TK held his D3 to the screen, "Digiport open!" The gate to the Digital World appeared on the screen and began to glow. "Let's go, Patamon!" The light from the Digital World swallowed TK and Patamon. In a moment, they were gone.
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Any guesses on which Ultimate Digimon Avatar has sets his sights on? You'll find out in the next chapter.