Falling Short
Chapter 9: When Strength Is Not Enough
As soon as they reached the house Goku took his wife aside and whispered something in her ear. She made a displeased face and began to prepare the afternoon meal. Vegeta stood near the door with his arms crossed. He scanned the small household with great scrutiny, inspecting every inch of wood and furniture. His presence seemed to electrify the air. Gohan and Cumber lost their focus, and resorted to doodling in the margins of their paper. Koan seated herself at the table. When a minute had passed and the eerie silence still showed no signs of being disturbed, she turned to Goku. "So Goku, how long do you thin it'll be until the rain comes?"
Goku regarded her inquisitively for a moment, then casually replied, "I dunno. But I hope it doesn't get as bad as last year."
"But Dad, you weren't here last year," Gohan reminded him. "You were still gone."
"Oh, that's right. Well, the last time I remember, it rained all day for a week!"
The family began to chatter, and even Chichi joined in happily. Koan smiled. When she was sure that they were engrossed in their own topics, she turned her attention on the Saiyan. She indicated for him to sit beside her at the table. He snorted, as if insulted by the prospect, but complied.
He looks so tired. Koan did her best to look him over without appearing obtrusive. She could tell that he was wearing thin; his face was arranged in that same expression she'd seen on him almost two years ago at Capsule Corps, that night she'd gone to him. His mouth formed a stone-set frown, and his charcoal eyes saw nothing despite the intensity of that gaze. His ailment was far too obvious to her. "Not yet," was all she said.
Vegeta's expression didn't change as he repeated, "Not yet."
"What were you doing out there?"
"Testing my strength," he grunted back. He was even lacking most of his arrogant tone, leaving only resentment and frustration. "Earth's atmosphere sometimes affects my powers."
Koan nodded, even knowing it was a lie. He'd simply been venting his anger; she surprised herself in being able to read him so easily. "Do you intend to go back into space after today?" she asked carefully.
"That's none of your business."
I should have expected that response. After a pause she asked, "Is there anything you want to talk about?"
Vegeta turned to stared at her. His eyes were neither condescending nor callous. "Why would I have anything to talk about?"
Koan swallowed hard, as his face was making her nervous. It was close--very close--to what she'd once been searching for, so much that it frightened her. He was staring at her as if expecting her to find it, a secret so deep that he himself could not acknowledge its existence. Tell me his entire body seemed to speak to her desperately. Tell me what you see, that I can't.
Koan turned away; she wasn't yet brave enough to face the raw sincerity in his visage.
Vegeta snorted as Koan turned away from his question. "I don't know," she replied after a moment. "I guess you wouldn't."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing."
Chichi offered them their food: cooked rice and soup. Vegeta frowned at the typically unsatisfying Earth meal. He would have to eat tones of the damn stuff to regain his strength. He wasn't in a mood, however, to complain. He ate the meal and without a word demanded more. Chichi grudgingly complied--by now she was more than accustomed to providing for the Saiyan appetite.
Near the end of lunch Vegeta became aware of Cumber's lingering stare. Impatiently he asked, "Do you want something?"
Cumber started. "Well…Prince Vegeta…before you go, I was wondering…." He faltered for only a moment. "Could you test me?"
"I don't have time to waste on brats," he snorted.
"Hey." Kakarot's wife glared at him, soup ladle in hand. "You shouldn't talk to kids like that." Her husband tried to hush her silent, but she obviously considered herself offended. She overpowered him quickly. "I won't 'shush'. I don't care who he is--guests shouldn't treat their hosts like that. It's rude."
"But Chichi--"
"Nope, I won't stand for it. We're being more than polite, and--"
Vegeta couldn't help but chuckle. The sound of his voice sounded oddly subdued, even to him. It quickly obtained Koan's attention. "I didn't know life on Earth could soften a Super Saiyan," he remarked coldly. "It seems you're no longer even a match for your own mate."
"Mate?" Chichi echoed indignantly. "I happen to be his wife."
"Heh. There's no difference."
Gohan and Cumber ducked their heads, not wanting to be pulled into this argument. Koan, however, wouldn't let this comment pass. Her voice was crisp and serious as she asked, "In that case, what do you think a proper mate should be?"
Vegeta's lip turned up in a cocky grin. "Property."
Koan leapt to her feet. Her heart was gripped suddenly in anxiety. "Do you really think that?" she demanded, hiding her turbulent emotions behind the first mask she could form. Because if you do, if you truly believe that, was I wrong? Was I wrong to believe…that you were better than Him? "Is that all we are to you? Property?"
"Of course." There was no doubt, no remorse in the prince's voice. "Do you really think you're worth anything alone?"
"What?" She clenched her teeth briefly, mostly to contain her shuddering. He was testing her--she could tell that. He wanted to see her break, as he believed a normal Saiyan should. She fought against the challenge in his eyes, struggling to remain in control of her anxiety even as her face was twisted in a look of pain. She searched for some topic she could use to break that arrogance. "So, to you Bulma is just--"
"A diversion." Vegeta's eyes sparked. "She's nothing more than a slut--I like that."
Chichi covered her son's ears, who had been watching the scene in stunned, bewildered silence. "How dare you talk like that with children present."
Koan tightened her fists. Her every instinct told her to flee, to escape this man who was cruel and insensitive. She couldn't. He thinks I'm no better than his whore, like Kado did. But…I didn't live this long, and learn so much to be manipulated again. Not by him. He wants the same thing I do. He was watching her very carefully, almost expectantly, drawing on the anger she'd only recently learned to accumulate.
He sees that I've changed; he thinks he can make me like him. I don't want to be that way! I have to show him the lie he's living, even if I have to break him to do it.
Koan started to speak, but before a word could come out a hand came down on her shoulder. It was Goku, his face serious but calm. Whether the gesture was one of comfort or restrain, she couldn't tell. She was more concerned with Vegeta's immediate reaction--he stood, facing the pair as if challenged. "Don't touch her," he snapped.
"Huh?" Goku obviously didn't know what he'd done wrong.
He practically calls me a slut, and still considers me his. I…I don't want to belong to anyone--not even him! "Shut up," she said, hoping to establish that she was not his property. Never again. Never. "You don't own me, not anymore. I'm not afraid of you."
Are you talking to him, or Kado?
Vegeta's fingertips bore into his palms. He was still glaring at Kakarot, whose hand had not yet been removed. The thought of him touching her drove him mad, the same way he loathed the way she could relax so much in his presence. Koan was a Saiyan--had she regained her spirit and pride, only to have it leached away by these weak Earthlings? Kakarot stood as if intending to protect her, as if she were a member of his beloved family. He didn't want her to be one of them.
"I told you to let go." The prince snatched Koan by the wrist and dragged her forward, away from Kakarot. He didn't know why he was doing this; only that he had to, that he couldn't stop. He was already shaking.
Koan struck him. He hadn't expected that; the blow turned his head to the side. Though the pain was minimal, he was shocked by her sudden wrath. "I won't be used," her voice hissed. He could barely hear it; it felt so far away.
Vegeta faced her, too stunned to react to her attack. She was glaring at him, her eyes fierce and bright, and touched with defiance. She had accomplished something--a barrier had been crossed, awakening inside her the woman she was at one time meant to be.
She has surpassed you, too.
The sour taste of blood on Vegeta's lips stirred him from his brief trance. Koan had turned away from him, as if planning to return to Kakarot's side. Again the rage that was too potent to be jealously welled inside him. How dare she…she's mocking me. Unwillingly his power level began to rise, and he reached for her. He would prove to her that her searching had been a waste; there was nothing in him to find, no greater man hidden.
The Saiyan woman turned and batted his hand aside. Most of her anger had left: instead, she looked down on him calmly, as if she already knew his every thought and intention. He knew that gaze--the cold, all-knowing eyes that could crush him more effectively than any attack, the posture of disdain. Like Kakarot, and Freeza, and his father before them, she could control him without effort; she knew him better than he knew himself.
Vegeta struck. He wanted her to feel pain, to break her command over him. His fingers closed brutally on her tail. Her startled yelp caused his body to shake; he yanked, hard, and pulled her roughly against him. She nearly crumbled, numbed by the pain, but he held her up, holding her captured in one arm as she pounded her fists uselessly against him. Only once did he catch a glimpse of her tear-filled, desperate eyes. There. Now she will understand me.
Koan released a sob. No, not again. She beat against her captor's chest, desperate to escape. Please, not again. I thought I could trust him….
Thankfully, Goku intervened on her behalf. The fingers were pried off her tail, and she broke away, still shaking. In the commotion Goku was able to force Vegeta onto his stomach against the floorboards. Chichi immediately supported Koan, guiding her to a chair at the table. She was only vaguely aware of the Saiyan prince's wild curses.
"Mom, are you okay?" Cumber took her hand, watching her with concern.
"Yes, Cumber." She wiped her eyes. Several deep breaths served to calm her somewhat, though her heart still pounded in her temples. Oh God, oh God. She pressed her hand to her chest. Hush now, hush. She looked down at the fallen prince, who continued to curse though he'd been effectively pinned. I can't give up on him now, can I? Can I?
Koan took a deep breath. She had to do this--for both of them. For herself, to know she'd done all she could, and for him, so that he'd see the reality. Even if he didn't understand until later, she had to place in him the beginning of truth she'd found.
"You still don't get it, do you?"
Vegeta slowly lifted his head, ready to defy her in any way possible. She would not allow him that much. "No matter how hard you train," she said slowly, calmly, "no matter how long, it won't do you any good. You'll never be a Super Saiyan."
"What?"
She condemned him with her eyes. "You'll never be good enough, Vegeta," she said in a low, portentous tone. "Not ever."
The silence was thick in the moments that followed. Vegeta could only stare. Her words burned deeply, binding his breath in trembling lungs. His eyes, made prisoners, could not blink. He felt numb. She had drawn forth his one true fear, displaying it to him as if it were one his organs she'd maliciously gouged from his body. Slowly, his head dropped and pressed against the hot wooden floor.
No. No, it can't be true.
"Get off of me," he whispered. When Kakarot didn't respond his volume rose to a bellow. "Get the hell off of me, you piece of shit! I'll kill you if you don't--I'll kill all of them!"
Kakarot relinquished his hold. Infuriated, the prince punched him directly in the face. Several cries accompanied the sound of him impacting against the far wall. "If you touch me again, I'll destroy this goddamned planet!" he screamed. "I don't need to be a Super Saiyan to do that--I never did! I'll kill everything!" He turned, and the front door was blown apart, not leaving even splinters.
No! If he leaves now, I might never--
Koan leapt to her feet, reaching for him, her arm straining. But her was already leaving, escaping like a freed beast. Unwillingly she called his name. "Vegeta--"
Her voice resounded in empty air.
Was…I wrong? Koan dropped to her knees, ignoring her son's concern. Vegeta, come back. There were so many things I had to tell you.
"Koan." She glanced up, and her gaze was met by Goku's grim smile. "Don't worry," he told her. "You'll get another chance." He turned his focus to where his door had once been. "He's got no where else to go."
Koan nodded, finally allowing them to help her to her feet. "There is one place," she said quietly. "Chichi, I'm sorry, but I'll have to leave the cleaning to you."
Chichi took her arm. "Koan, you're not--"
"No, not now." She nodded her head toward the window, where already the could see the first stages of Capsule III's lift off. "But there's an errand I have to run. I won't be long." She patted Cumber on the head in assurance. "Take care. I'll be back soon." She left the house, and quickly set out on the wind, towards Capsule Corps.
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