In Which We Find Our Immortality
Chapter 15: Once More…
Cloud hadn't anticipated Chaos's defeat. He'd hoped that the beast would be able to buy them the time needed to escape--how had it been immobilized so easily? But then, there was no time to consider the soldiers' methods. Already it was too late.
The soldiers took aim--it was plain to see that Collin, unguarded and unprepared, was their target. The boy had no where to go. Cloud reaction too swiftly for conscious thought. One hand snatched the Ultima Weapon and secured it to his back, the other pulling Collin roughly under his protection. The bullets ricocheted harmlessly of its smooth, impenetrable surface. Collin was very still; Cloud held him close, fearful that any stray bullet might find its way to its target.
"Father…"
"Take the materia and go," he insisted. He refused to respond to what the boy had called him--it didn't apply to him anymore. He didn't understand what had so drastically changed his mood, but he didn't give it another thought. When Collin didn't respond to his command, he dragged him to the tree where Marlene and the strange girl were huddled. Nu was there as well, waiting obediently. "Get on."
"But--"
They were interrupted by another round of gunfire. Marlene and Tess shrieked, pulling closer to the tree in fear. Cloud shielded them all with a barrier spell, at the same time forcing Colin onto the chocobo's back. "There's no time. Go." The gunfire stopped; before the soldiers could reload Cloud brandished the Ultima Weapon and hurled it at the craft. The massive sword sheared easily through the steel holding the whirling blades in place. Cloud didn't bother waiting to see the outcome; he heard the earth-trembling impact of the helicopter's belly, and felt the heat of the explosion that followed. A moment later the blades pierced the earth a dozen meters away. He was too busy struggling with Collin to notice.
"What are you talking about?" Collin was protesting. "I can't just--"
"Enough." Cloud dug another materia out of his pocket, casting the strongest sleep spell he could manage. The boy slowly ceased his struggling, and Cloud laid his limp body carefully over Nu's back. "Go far away," he told the bird, indicating east. "Take care of him."
Nu grunted, beginning to stand, but suddenly the strange black-haired girl pulled herself into the saddle. The chocobo hissed angrily at the intrusion. "I'm going with him," she said deftly. "I'll take care of your son."
Cloud retrieved the materia he'd given Collin earlier, which was now laying in the grass. He handed it to her. "Then go now. And use this."
The prick in Cloud's shoulder was surprising more than painful. He whirled, cursing his own stupidity in not noticing the trucks, and the failure of his barrier spell. The dart was a frightening reminder; his right arm grew swiftly numb, a feeling that began to spread throughout his entire right side. He stumbled, trying to find his balance even as entire groups of muscles were falling dormant. "Go!" he shouted before falling to his knees. "Go, now!"
Tess nearly panicked, holding onto Collin as the chocobo lurched beneath her. Though she had never experienced motion sickness of any kind, the bouncing animal was far different than her father's small plane. She wrapped her legs around the feathery mount and gripped the reigns with white fingers, for fear of being thrown. Nu's hissing didn't help to calm her anxiety. After all the events of that day she thought she would collapse, but somehow she managed to keep her head. They had only traveled for a few minutes when she jerked on Nu's reigns to halt her.
Nu hissed and didn't obey. But Tess was stubborn; she yanked hard, forcing the bird to stop. They couldn't' go too far--what if the Dragons came while Colin was still under Cloud's spell? Even if Cloud didn't trust Phoenix Lattice--with ample cause--she wasn't in the right state of mind to handle things alone. She needed to know that, if things went wrong, she could at least find her way back to someone who could help.
As soon as they halted Tess clutched at the materia Cloud had given her. Whatever you are, please do something she prayed. She had never seen real materia until Cloud's appearance in the city, let alone used any. To her great relief, the small emerald sphere began to glow softly. It's light flowed over her, Collin, and Nu, blinding her momentarily. No--someone will spot us!
When the light had died down, Tess blinked several times to recover her sight. She no longer saw Nu's long neck and feathered head before her, despite the leather saddle chafing her knees. She didn't understand what had happened until she waved her hand in front of her face; there was only a shimmer, like clear smoke. They were invisible.
Tess's celebration was cut short by a sharp pain in her left arm. She bit her lip to keep herself from crying out. Nu had bitten her. The thick molars in its beak ground into her forearm with a force that caused the entire limb to throb.
"Nu, please stop." Tess grimaced as tears leaked from her eyes. "I'm sorry I did that, but I need to take care of Collin."
Nu made a low hissing sound in her throat. Tess closed her eyes, trying to block out the pain. Of course she won't listen to me. I'm not her master. Can she even understand me? She tried again. "I won't hurt him, I promise. Please; we have to take care of him together."
The chocobo snorted, but very slowly the pressure lifted from her arm. Choking on a quiet sob Tess held the damaged limb close to her body; her skin had been broken in several places, and her arm was numb with pain. "Thank you," she managed to croak. "I'm sorry."
Nu stretched her stubby wings and seated herself in the grass, seemingly unperturbed by the face that she was now invisible. Cloud's probably used this spell a lot, fighting monsters. Oh yeah--Cloud--
Tess twisted in the saddle, fearful that if she moved too much her spell would wear off. She was surprised to see how far they'd gone in so short a time; she could only barely see the stand of trees they'd left. The air was still thick with smoke from the helicopter Cloud had destroyed. The Phoenix Lattice trucks had arrived and were swarming over the area, searching the grass and trees. Tess forced herself to keep calm. No one knows about materia like this she assured herself several times over. They won't expect you to be out in the open like this. You'll be safe.
Tess went to check Collin, then realized she couldn't see him. With fingers slightly trembling she checked his pulse and breathing. Though he seemed to be fine, none of her coaxing would wake him. Cloud's spell. But…how long will it last? I want to help Collin, but how can I do this alone?
Calm down. Calm down. You're still okay. Collin said it would take a while before the Dragons get here. He'll be awake by then. You'll all be okay.
Tess took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. She managed to control the rest of her anxieties. Now was her chance to relax and make sense of everything that had taken place so far, and she intended to take it. When everything came together Collin would need her; she was not going to let him down.
Cid watched from the confines of the truck. There was little else he could do, considering the armed soldier in the front seat. His vehicle was one of the last to arrive at the scene, so he was only able to witness the very end of the skirmish. Cloud was down, cursing and hollering madly as the soldiers surrounded him at a distance. Occasionally one leveled one of Dr. Arswick's dart guns and fired, lessening the man's fierce struggles. He was slowly wearing down, robbed of the control of his four limbs. Even after his entire body had been numbed by the drug he continued to rage wordlessly. Broddick watched impassively, then signaled his men back. They waited until the man's cries subsided into whimpers before swarming over him once more.
Cid averted his eyes. Instead of observing what Broddick had in mind he turned his attention to the surrounding area. Cloud…it's hard to believe…you did that to yourself. Before he had time to ponder, his eyes fell on a brown-haired woman: Marlene. She was bending over something huddled beneath a blanket. Several white-clad scientists were with her.
God damn, that's got to be Vincent. Cid leaned over the seat in front of him. "Junior, let me out," he said in a calm, almost polite manner. "I gotta help some friends."
"Don't think so," the soldier replied tersely. "Not until Sir Matthews says so."
So much for nice. "F--k Matthews." Cid twisted the door handle and began to climb out, not caring as the rifle barrel pressed into his back. "Go on and shoot Cid Highwind, you little shit," he snarled, stepping out of the truck. The soldier hesitated, as the captain knew he would, not wanting to shoot down global hero in cold blood. Cid took advantage of his anxiety to cross the field toward his friends.
His earlier assumption was proved correct; Marlene was kneeling beside the prone form of Vincent. The scientists were busy checking all his vital signs, as well as attacking metal shackles to his wrists and ankles. The gauntlets were attached to metal rings planted deep in the ground. Cid recognized the equipment as that once used to restrain monsters; in the early days after the Fallout dozens of tests were performed on the new Griffins and other Clan Animals to determine their origins. He clenched his fists, outraged by their treatment of his friend--a human being.
"Cid." Marlene gazed up at him, her wide eyes red with tears. She was shivering, even with the weight of a blanket over her. "Cid, can't you--please, you--can't you do something?" she stuttered.
"Calm down, kid." Cid knelt beside the woman and pulled her close. She sagged heavily against him in exhaustion. "He's gonna be okay." His sharp eyes met those of the scientist across from him. "Right, boy?"
The scientist, clearly no more than a graduate student, shuddered a bit beneath the harsh stare. He was obviously still shaken by the sight of Chaos, and fearful of Vincent now. "The drugs will keep him paralyzed for several hours, Mr. Highwind," he answered hesitantly. "Sir Matthew's orders."
"Yeah, I know." Cid checked his friend for himself; Vincent was unconscious, some parts of his body unnaturally still while others were tight with pain. His eyelids twitched. Poor bastard. It starts all over again. Christ, he's gonna be f--ked up when he wakes up. Cid reached into his pocket for a cigarette and found several soldiers eyeing him suspiciously. When his intentions became clear they relaxed. "Damn jumpy youngin's," he muttered, lighting his cigarette and taking a deep breath. He turned back to Marlene. "You okay, Mar?"
"I…think so." Marlene wiped her eyes and nose, attempting to collect herself. "But, oh God, Cid, he was going to kill him." She lowered her head. "You were right. He--he killed my father. And--and he--"
"Hey, hush now." Cid thumped her on the back and clasped her shoulder. "No use in getting worked up now," he said, even as he cast a heated glare in Cloud's direction. "Tell me everything."
Marlene complied, speaking of everything that had happened since her escape from the city with Cloud. Cid listened, puffing continuously on his cigarette. He didn't comment until she'd finished. "So, you don't know where Collin and Tess are now."
"No. I'm sorry."
"Christ." He ran his hand through his sloppy blond hair. "He could'a gone anywhere. And he won't come back if Cloud's here."
She nodded solemnly. "Cid," she asked softly, "did Cloud…really kill my father?"
Cid exhaled a cloud of smoke. No use in hiding things now he reasoned, frowning at the task ahead. "I had just come to pick up Cloud, Tifa, Collin, you and your dad when the Dragons came," he explained. "We managed to get most everyone evacuated. When I went looking for Cloud…." He paused, and lowered his tone. "He was outside the town. By then…Tifa was already dead. And when your Pa said he'd protect Collin…Cloud killed him."
Cid grimaced with the memory. "He didn't even flinch, the bastard. Just killed him, like f--king Sephiroth. God damnit all." When he'd regained control of his temper, he continued. "I managed to get Collin away, and cast a barrier spell. It wasn't until everyone else showed up that Cloud gave up. He just…ran off."
Marlene nodded vaguely, taking deep breaths to calm herself. "Oh God. Why didn't you ever tell us? I wanted Cloud to come back so badly…I thought it wasn't his fault." She gazed up at him with despair. "Was I wrong all these years? This is all my fault--I asked him to come."
"It ain't your fault," Cid responded immediately. "You're a better person'an me, keeping everyone together the way you have. It…was just easier, I guess, not telling you all. Leave well alone, I say."
"Yes. We…can't help him now." Marlene turned her gaze toward Cloud, releasing a deep sigh. "For a while…I thought I could bring them back together. Him and Collin. But if you'd seen him…."
"Highwind."
Cid scowled, clearly recognizing the voice of Broddick Matthews. He turned slowly. Sure enough, the President's husband was standing over him. "Wha'do'ya want, Matthews?" he asked, his tone not without bitterness.
"Just to keep you informed," Broddick grunted back. One of Arswick's powerful tranquilizer guns rested easily on his shoulder. "The Dragons sped up. According to our radar, they'll be here in three hours."
"That's shit," the Captain retorted. "You said before--"
"We underestimated their abilities. In two and a half hours we'll back up and head back toward Rocket City. Mr. Strife and Mr. Valentine will not be joining us."
Marlene stared at him in disbelief. "You can't leave them here. They'll be killed!"
"That's the idea," the man sneered.
Cid rose to his feet, spitting his cigarette onto the ground. "You f--king piece of shit," he growled. "They're people, not pieces of goddamned meat!"
Broddick glared back at him defiance. "As far as I'm concerned, they're not people; they're Jenova, and they're leading Dragons to my city."
"But it's not Vincent's fault!" Marlene cried. "He's never been a problem. You made him change!"
"It's not my fault if he's a freak," he replied simply.
"You f--king…." Cid brought his fist back and aimed a punch at Broddick's face. The President's husband batted the attack aside and countered with a heavy blow to his stomach. Cid doubled over, gasping for breath without success. Slowly, he sank to his knees.
"If you feel so passionately about whole thing," Broddick stated coolly, "then you can stay her with them." He turned and walked away, ignoring the curses thrown at his back.
"Check his pulse."
"Weak, but steady. Looks like we guessed the right dosage."
"Do… you think his conscious?"
"That's unlikely. He's been given enough to put out a small Dragon."
"So, he's really the one who killed the SOLDIER. Kind of odd, seeing him like this."
Cloud didn't move as the scientists continued to prod at and examine his body. Or rather, he couldn't' move, and--thankfully--could not feel their cold, harsh fingers. He felt as if he were within a thick bubble; his body had been detached from him, and he perceived his surroundings through a translucent skin of blinding, myriad colors. The voices mixed, sometimes coherent, though often no more than unintelligible mumbles.
But within his mind he was startlingly clear. In place of true sight his mind flashed older images before his eyes, forcing him to relive the memories that usually lay dormant. His will was not enough to expel them. He could see himself, lying helpless in the center of a large, dark room. The shadows whispered about him. They reached out tearing his flesh and soul, through their needles stealing his identity. From his brain they plucked out his sanity, his very self. He was left empty and cold, like a discarded shell. Even without a body, he ached.
Aeris…help me. Why won't you help me? Can't you hear me anymore? Cloud stretched out with his consciousness, hoping to perceive some glimmer from that once familiar presence. I need you. Please, can't you help me just once more?
Something twisted inside his chest, and his senses flared, filled with the smell of fresh flowers. The stimulus was hesitant and faint, as if trying to hide.
"Ahh, there you are," Cloud murmured. He was dimly aware that the scientists had stopped working at his verbalization. His lips struggled to follow his brain's commands, forming a clumsy--yet no less joyful--smile. His eyesight cleared a bit, revealing a majestically beautiful clear sky. Whether it was real or a hallucination, he didn't care. "I knew you were there."
The soft aura recoiled, ashamed at having been discovered. It was afraid to come forward, to risk more pain and misleading advice. But Cloud reach out again, attempting to draw it near with his mere will. "Speak to me, like you used to," he pleaded, still smiling eve as bitter memories threatened to drown him in their fury. "Take this pain away. Just once more."
Slowly, tentatively, the spirit reached out to him.
"Collin…."
"No, no more." Collin puled his legs in close, hugging them against his chest to conserve some warmth. He was lost in a realm deeper than sleep, lightness and empty. His only comfort was his own wandering thoughts. Though the intrusion of the voice was welcomed against the silence, he feared returning to his dreams of the night before.
"Collin, I want to help."
"I don't want your help," he retorted. "I know who you are. You're Aeris, the Flower-Seller." He glared at the source of the voice in defiance. "It's your fault. If you'd' just left my father alone, the he wouldn't have…" He choked on the words. "He wouldn't have killed my…."
Aeris didn't speak. Her usually bright and optimistic aura was subdued now, hidden in the folds of darkness in this place. She was a stranger here, one that didn't belong. She'd used Cloud's connection to the boy to reach his mind, which had been laid open with the power of the sleep spell. Cloud's pleas had driven her to interfere, just once more, even as she'd sworn against it years go; now she was unsure as to how she could proceed. Collin's mistrust of her was more than his instinct as Sephiroth's crude replacement; the name "Aeris" had always been spoken in his house when he was an infant, and never failed to bring pain into his mother's face. Though Aeris had done her best to help Cloud's recovery, her presence drove him away form his wife and her absence pulled him deeper into guilt over her death. Her existence brought them all pain.
Aeris released the equivalent of a sigh. There was no use in granting freedom to her anxieties, not now. She would not allow herself to regret the sacrifices she'd made, nor her decision of leaving Cloud for so long. There was only this moment, and this boy she'd watched grow from childhood into a young man. This time, she could not back down.
"Collin." Aeris stepped out of the shadows of Collin's mind revealing herself to him. For his sake she projected her image as one he would recognize: her pink dress from her days in Avalanche. "Do you really still believe Cloud killed your mother?"
"How can I believe otherwise?" Collin retorted, glaring at her. "What he's implying is ridiculous. I was four years old. I wasn't capable of doing anything." He lifted his chin a bit. "Besides, Jenova follows will. I loved my mother. And I was too young to really understand death at all, let alone fear hers. So how could I have caused it?"
Aeris smiled a bit, thankful that they'd at least established somewhat of an understanding in one point. "That's true. You didn't kill her."
"Then it had to have been him." Collin rose to his feet, trembling a bit. Had he been awake, controlling his real body, his expression would have shown anger--he was trying to maintain such an emotion now, without success. He could not fool his own mind, and Aeris clearly saw the agony his own words brought. "He never loved Tifa, or me. He was just a crazy son of a bitch, and he killed her for giving birth to a monster!"
Aeris tensed momentarily, realizing the difficulty of her task. Quickly she contradicted him. "Collin, you're not a monster. Thinking this way won't do anyone any good. You need to be strong, and brave. You have to be willing to see yourself the way you truly are."
"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded. "How can I, when I don't even know what I am?" His anger faded quickly, and he lowered his head. "I thought I knew, for a while. But now…."
"Collin, you must trust me." Aeris came closer. At first he flinched away, not wanting any contact between them. She didn't come too close, however. "I know you've been hurt, and I'd do anything to help you. But this is not something I can do without your help." She sighed. "I can show you the path, but I can't lead you."
Collin refused to look at her. "I…I don't want your help."
"I know. That's fine." Silently Aeris grieved that he could not bring himself to trust her. "All the answers are inside you, in your heart. They are in your father as well, too deep for him to find. You must help him find them."
"Why should I?"
"Because his love for you is greater than you could ever know," she replied, her sincerity utmost. "You can't accomplish anything until you both realize this."
Collin didn't believe her. He longed to believe, to know that, somehow, his father did care for him in even the slightest way. But the memories of their battle forced him to think realistically, and her words were wasted. "We'll see," was all he said.
Had Aeris thought that saying more would help, she would have spilled all her heart into him. She knew, however, that none of her words would ever be enough. "Please. Trust yourself," was her last request as she withdrew, quietly, into the darkness once more.
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