CHAPTER 18
Susan stood out in the hall with a very quiet son. She could since that something wasn't right but she didn't want to pry. Perhaps Scott was blaming himself for Shelby's problems but she didn't know what was the cause. "You ok Scott? Don't worry. We will take good care of her. Nothing's going to happen."
Scott was pacing back and forth in the hall running his hand through his hair. "This is all my fault."
"No it's not. You can't control what happens to her body. There is no way that you could have forced her to go into early labor."
"She's under a lot of stress because of me."
"Than I suggest you do what you can to make her feel more comfortable."
Jess came out of the hospital room feeling a little better but still guilty about her actions. Shelby had told her not to beat herself up over it or she would never be able to go forward in life. She told her that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and that she needed to keep reaching for that light. Jess actually was beginning to feel more sorry for Scott because he still had more pain and suffering to go through.
Scott looked over at Jess with pleading eyes asking her if things might be better. Jess just gave him an awkward smile and told Susan that she was ready to go home. They decided to take her over to the Barringer house so she wouldn't be alone in the condo. After they left Scott was unsure of what he should do next. He did know that he wanted to be next to his wife and he wanted to be by her side. He walked quietly into the room hoping that maybe Shelby had fallen back to sleep.
"You still here? Why don't you just leave? Haven't you caused enough damage for one night? I thought about calling our insurance agent and ask him to take out a bigger policy for damage control."
Scott knew that she had just made a joke on his behalf but he didn't know whether he should take it serious or not. He didn't even know whether he should have laughed or not. When Shelby didn't get a response she decided to harass him more. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue or have you joined a monastery and taken on an oath of silence?"
"I'm not leaving so get used to it. You can threw insults at me and call me names all night but I'm not leaving you."
"What are you stupid or something Scott? You already left me when you decided to become unfaithful."
"Ok you're right. I was stupid but what's it going to take for you to believe that I still love you?"
"I don't want your love anymore. I just want you to leave." Scott walked over and pulled up a chair. He sat down; leaned back, propped his feet up on the bed and flipped on the TV. Shelby got a confused look on her face and furrowed her eyebrows. "What the hell are you doing now? Do you not understand that I want you to leave?"
"Just ignore me. If you don't want me to visit you than fine. I'm visiting my baby. I'm not leaving until I know my baby is safe."
"Your baby? MY baby will be fine as long as its mother doesn't have to put up with a dead beat for a father."
"DEAD BEAT. Dead beat fathers don't provide for their kids and I plan on supporting this kid 100%."
"As long as it's not in the presence of my company."
"You can threw me out but you can't keep me away from my own kid." All the arguing got the attention of a nurse passing by. "What's going on in here?" Both Scott and Shelby looked up in surprise like two kids who just got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "This arguing has got to stop or your blood pressure might go up. Do you want to put your wife in any more danger?" She was addressing Scott who just shook his head and apologized. "Mrs. Barringer, would it be best if your husband leaves?"
"Yes I've been telling him to leave for the last 15 minutes but he won't." The nurse accepted Shelby's request and told Scott that he needed to leave so that Shelby could get some rest. Scott felt defeated. He stood up to leave and turned around one last time to face her. I'll leave your room but I'm not leaving the hospital. I'll be in the lobby."
"Don't expect any calls from my room."
He bent over and before Shelby could protest, he placed a kiss on her protruding stomach and than walked out of the room.
It was one long night for Scott. He couldn't get comfortable enough in one of the lobby chairs and it was too bright to sleep. He had drunken enough cups of coffee that he began to get jittery. He started pacing the floors until he didn't think that he could stand anymore. He looked at his watch and it was 3:00 in the morning. The halls were quieted down and he was sure that Shelby was asleep. He crept back up to her room sneaking past the nurse's station. He went into Shelby's room and pulled up a chair to her bed. He sat down, leaned forward with his head resting on the bed and his hand on Shelby's stomach. He finally fell asleep for what little time he could.
Shelby was a light sleeper and felt his presence as soon as he walked in the door. She pretended to be asleep and actually felt comforted when he put his hand on her stomach. She wanted so much to rest her hands on top of his hand so that they could feel the baby move together but she wasn't ready to give in just yet. She let him stay that way until the nurse came in to the check her vitals.
"Well Mrs. Barringer, it appears that someone just can't seem to be away from you." The voice woke Scott up and he pushed his chair back away from the bed to give the nurse some room to move. She checked Shelby's blood pressure as she spoke to Scott. "Your bed too lonely at home? It's hard to sleep alone once you get married isn't it?" Shelby let out a big laugh. "I don't think that he has a problem with that." Scott was secretly pleading for Shelby to keep her mouth shut and was relieved when she didn't say anymore. The nurse finished up and told her to try and get some more sleep. She looked over at Scott and said, "No arguing, let her sleep."
"You know that you're like a bad rash that just won't go away. I had you sweating there for a minute didn't I?"
"I'm not playing this game with you so just go to sleep."
"What game? The will I or won't I tell everyone Scott's sins game?"
"Just whatever. If it makes you feel better to yell it to the world than go ahead. Make sure you tell the Pope also. Maybe he can forgive me."
"I'm sure that the Pope would; meaning that he is a forgiving man but he's not the one you have to worry about is he?"
"Listen Shelby, you need to get some sleep and quit wasting all your energy trying to start something with me. You don't want anything bad to happen to the baby so just relax."
"You know that if my hate for you keeps adding up, I could purposely get out of bed and run around until I force myself to loose the baby. And then what would you do Scott? You wouldn't have anyone."
Scott felt like he was going to be sick. He couldn't believe that Shelby could be so heartless. "My God Shelby. You hate me that much that you would kill the baby? Ok you win. I'll get out of your life but please don't do anything to harm the baby. I'll do anything you want even give you a divorce but please don't hurt the baby."
"Why do you seem to care about this baby so much?"
Scott tried hard to hold back the tears but he failed. "The baby will be the only connection that I have with you. It will be apart of you that we made together and it'll bring back all the memories of the good times that we used to have. I know that you'll never forgive me but I'll always love you."
Shelby was touched by his emotions but she threw up another wall against him. "Let's reverse the role here. What if you came home from school and found me in bed with another guy?"
"I'd probably kill him but I know that you won't kill Jess."
"Give me your feelings."
Scott tried to picture the scenario in his head and thought a minute. "At first I'd be angry and out raged. Then I'd be hurt and destroyed. I don't know if I could survive knowing the thought of loosing you."
"That's bullshit Scott. You'd be hating my guts and throwing me out into the streets."
"I could never hate you no matter what you did."
"You are such a liar. You wouldn't cry for more than a minute because you could go out and have anybody else you wanted. I've known from the first time we met that I wasn't good enough for you but I loved the challenge. Look at the world that you come from. I'm just white trailer trash compared to what you should be with. You only married me because I became pregnant and it was the most noble thing to do." Shelby was getting all work up and the monitors started going off.
The nurse came running in and started checking for contractions. She gave Shelby an injection of medication. After she felt she had everything under control she turned to Scott. "Alright you need to leave now. I warned you earlier about getting her upset. I not only want you to leave this room but I want you to leave this hospital."
"I'm not leaving her."
"You will leave or I will be forced to call security."
Scott walked out pointing his finger at Shelby; "Everything you said is not true. I'm the one who screwed up here so stop putting yourself down. You mean more to me than you'll ever know." He went home and tried but unsuccessfully to go to sleep. He sat down at the piano and played for hours trying to get his mind off everything that had happened in the last 24 hours.
Scott was still playing the piano when the doorbell rang. It was his mother and father waiting to come in. Scott just opened the door and walked back into the living room without saying a word. They proceeded to follow.
"Scott we need to talk. Did you get any sleep last night? You look like hell."
"No. What do you want mom?"
"We got a call from the hospital a little while ago." Scott feared that something had gone wrong but his mother was too calm. "The Dr. says they want to keep Shelby one more day or until her blood pressure goes down some. He said that we are to keep you away from her and suggests that we take her home to our house while she is on bed rest. They claim that Shelby's blood pressure and stress level seem to raise in your presence and seem to think that we should keep you two apart for awhile."
Scott couldn't look at his mother and just looked away.
"I told the Dr. that Shelby seemed the happiest and safest when she was near you. Then he told me that this was Shelby's request and that you two argued half the night until they had to kick you out of the hospital last night. What's going on that you are not telling us?"
"We're just not getting along right now. Things will get better."
"I happen to notice that all your clothes are piled in the back of your car. Are you going somewhere?"
"She threw me out before she started having problems. I came back into the house to call the ambulance."
"Shelby loves you Scott."
"Not anymore."
"People don't just fall out of love like that unless something major happens. The only thing major that I could think of would be unfaithfulness and I know that you wouldn't . . ." That's all she had to say when she saw the look on her sons face. "Oh God Scott you didn't."
"Just leave it mom."
Martin spoke this time, "I knew that this whole marriage thing wouldn't last. You don't have any self- control and you never did." He was referring to Elaine.
Scott felt like he had been slapped in the face. He was getting very angry now. "That's not fair dad. I never wanted her. She came after me."
"But you didn't do anything to stop her did you?"
"What bugs you more dad? The fact that I didn't stop her or the fact that she wanted me more than she wanted you?" That was the worst thing to say to Martin. Martin's hand reached out and backhanded Scott across the face. Scott wasn't about to let his dad have the last blow so he successfully landed a right hook to Martin's jaw. Martin came after Scott again and the fight was on. They were both wrestling each other until they brought each other down to the floor. Arms and legs were flying and Susan was screaming at them to stop. They were both so busy caught up in there own aggressive behaviors that Susan finally got a picture of water and poured all over them to get them to stop. Once the water hit them, they both backed away and calmed down.
"Both of you need to calm down and lets discuss what happens next. Time heals all wounds so Scott you are going to stay here and Shelby will come stay with us until we can work something out. I need to know and I want an honest answer from you. Do you still love her and do you want this marriage to work?"
Scott was still breathing hard and wiping to blood off his mouth. "Yes I do love her and I told her over and over. She thinks that she is not good enough for me and she won't except my apologies."
"For now we better let things cool down and worry about her health. I'll talk to her and support her. I don't want you coming over unless she agrees. Do you understand?"
"Mom I can't not go without seeing her. I'll kill me."
"Stop thinking about yourself Scott. If you force yourself to see her without her consent than it might kill the baby. Do you want to take that chance?" Scott just shook his head because he knew that his mother was right.
"I know that this is going to be hard on you. I'll swing by everyday to bring you dinner and give you an update on how she is. Jess can come by for a visit also."
Scott hung his head low. "You can came by but don't bring Jess."
"But Jess likes hanging out with you." And then she saw the look. "Oh no. Please tell me it wasn't with Jess?"
Martin exploded again. "Oh this just keeps getting better and better. I thought you stooped to the lowest point in your life when you became a user but this just tops the cake. And I suppose that you are going to say that she forced yourself on you as well right?" Scott wanted so much to pound his dad again but restrained himself. After Martin realized that Scott wasn't going to make a comment, than he threw his hands in the air and walked to the front door. "I don't even know if I can consider you my son anymore."
"Good than I don't have to worry about living up to your expectations."
Susan pulled him aside. "Let things cool down right now. I need you to go pack some of Shelby's things together" Scott turned to leave but his mom grabbed him by the wrist. "Scott did you use any protection with Jess?" Scott was in zombie like state and just shook his head no. He walked back into his room and collapsed on his bed. Susan waited a while in his living room and realized that he wasn't going to come back out. She went in his room and packed a bag for Shelby. She went over to his bed as he lay face down on the pillow with his arms wrapped around the back of his head. She gently rubbed his back because she knew that his world had just came crushing down on him. He needed to feel loved so he could pull himself out of the depression that he was in.
"Scott, I want you to know that I still love you. You've made some major mistakes and hopefully in time we can adjust to them. If you ever need someone to talk to just give me a call. I'm going to go check on Shelby now and then I'll be by later on tonight and we can talk some. Don't give up hope."
Susan stood out in the hall with a very quiet son. She could since that something wasn't right but she didn't want to pry. Perhaps Scott was blaming himself for Shelby's problems but she didn't know what was the cause. "You ok Scott? Don't worry. We will take good care of her. Nothing's going to happen."
Scott was pacing back and forth in the hall running his hand through his hair. "This is all my fault."
"No it's not. You can't control what happens to her body. There is no way that you could have forced her to go into early labor."
"She's under a lot of stress because of me."
"Than I suggest you do what you can to make her feel more comfortable."
Jess came out of the hospital room feeling a little better but still guilty about her actions. Shelby had told her not to beat herself up over it or she would never be able to go forward in life. She told her that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and that she needed to keep reaching for that light. Jess actually was beginning to feel more sorry for Scott because he still had more pain and suffering to go through.
Scott looked over at Jess with pleading eyes asking her if things might be better. Jess just gave him an awkward smile and told Susan that she was ready to go home. They decided to take her over to the Barringer house so she wouldn't be alone in the condo. After they left Scott was unsure of what he should do next. He did know that he wanted to be next to his wife and he wanted to be by her side. He walked quietly into the room hoping that maybe Shelby had fallen back to sleep.
"You still here? Why don't you just leave? Haven't you caused enough damage for one night? I thought about calling our insurance agent and ask him to take out a bigger policy for damage control."
Scott knew that she had just made a joke on his behalf but he didn't know whether he should take it serious or not. He didn't even know whether he should have laughed or not. When Shelby didn't get a response she decided to harass him more. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue or have you joined a monastery and taken on an oath of silence?"
"I'm not leaving so get used to it. You can threw insults at me and call me names all night but I'm not leaving you."
"What are you stupid or something Scott? You already left me when you decided to become unfaithful."
"Ok you're right. I was stupid but what's it going to take for you to believe that I still love you?"
"I don't want your love anymore. I just want you to leave." Scott walked over and pulled up a chair. He sat down; leaned back, propped his feet up on the bed and flipped on the TV. Shelby got a confused look on her face and furrowed her eyebrows. "What the hell are you doing now? Do you not understand that I want you to leave?"
"Just ignore me. If you don't want me to visit you than fine. I'm visiting my baby. I'm not leaving until I know my baby is safe."
"Your baby? MY baby will be fine as long as its mother doesn't have to put up with a dead beat for a father."
"DEAD BEAT. Dead beat fathers don't provide for their kids and I plan on supporting this kid 100%."
"As long as it's not in the presence of my company."
"You can threw me out but you can't keep me away from my own kid." All the arguing got the attention of a nurse passing by. "What's going on in here?" Both Scott and Shelby looked up in surprise like two kids who just got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "This arguing has got to stop or your blood pressure might go up. Do you want to put your wife in any more danger?" She was addressing Scott who just shook his head and apologized. "Mrs. Barringer, would it be best if your husband leaves?"
"Yes I've been telling him to leave for the last 15 minutes but he won't." The nurse accepted Shelby's request and told Scott that he needed to leave so that Shelby could get some rest. Scott felt defeated. He stood up to leave and turned around one last time to face her. I'll leave your room but I'm not leaving the hospital. I'll be in the lobby."
"Don't expect any calls from my room."
He bent over and before Shelby could protest, he placed a kiss on her protruding stomach and than walked out of the room.
It was one long night for Scott. He couldn't get comfortable enough in one of the lobby chairs and it was too bright to sleep. He had drunken enough cups of coffee that he began to get jittery. He started pacing the floors until he didn't think that he could stand anymore. He looked at his watch and it was 3:00 in the morning. The halls were quieted down and he was sure that Shelby was asleep. He crept back up to her room sneaking past the nurse's station. He went into Shelby's room and pulled up a chair to her bed. He sat down, leaned forward with his head resting on the bed and his hand on Shelby's stomach. He finally fell asleep for what little time he could.
Shelby was a light sleeper and felt his presence as soon as he walked in the door. She pretended to be asleep and actually felt comforted when he put his hand on her stomach. She wanted so much to rest her hands on top of his hand so that they could feel the baby move together but she wasn't ready to give in just yet. She let him stay that way until the nurse came in to the check her vitals.
"Well Mrs. Barringer, it appears that someone just can't seem to be away from you." The voice woke Scott up and he pushed his chair back away from the bed to give the nurse some room to move. She checked Shelby's blood pressure as she spoke to Scott. "Your bed too lonely at home? It's hard to sleep alone once you get married isn't it?" Shelby let out a big laugh. "I don't think that he has a problem with that." Scott was secretly pleading for Shelby to keep her mouth shut and was relieved when she didn't say anymore. The nurse finished up and told her to try and get some more sleep. She looked over at Scott and said, "No arguing, let her sleep."
"You know that you're like a bad rash that just won't go away. I had you sweating there for a minute didn't I?"
"I'm not playing this game with you so just go to sleep."
"What game? The will I or won't I tell everyone Scott's sins game?"
"Just whatever. If it makes you feel better to yell it to the world than go ahead. Make sure you tell the Pope also. Maybe he can forgive me."
"I'm sure that the Pope would; meaning that he is a forgiving man but he's not the one you have to worry about is he?"
"Listen Shelby, you need to get some sleep and quit wasting all your energy trying to start something with me. You don't want anything bad to happen to the baby so just relax."
"You know that if my hate for you keeps adding up, I could purposely get out of bed and run around until I force myself to loose the baby. And then what would you do Scott? You wouldn't have anyone."
Scott felt like he was going to be sick. He couldn't believe that Shelby could be so heartless. "My God Shelby. You hate me that much that you would kill the baby? Ok you win. I'll get out of your life but please don't do anything to harm the baby. I'll do anything you want even give you a divorce but please don't hurt the baby."
"Why do you seem to care about this baby so much?"
Scott tried hard to hold back the tears but he failed. "The baby will be the only connection that I have with you. It will be apart of you that we made together and it'll bring back all the memories of the good times that we used to have. I know that you'll never forgive me but I'll always love you."
Shelby was touched by his emotions but she threw up another wall against him. "Let's reverse the role here. What if you came home from school and found me in bed with another guy?"
"I'd probably kill him but I know that you won't kill Jess."
"Give me your feelings."
Scott tried to picture the scenario in his head and thought a minute. "At first I'd be angry and out raged. Then I'd be hurt and destroyed. I don't know if I could survive knowing the thought of loosing you."
"That's bullshit Scott. You'd be hating my guts and throwing me out into the streets."
"I could never hate you no matter what you did."
"You are such a liar. You wouldn't cry for more than a minute because you could go out and have anybody else you wanted. I've known from the first time we met that I wasn't good enough for you but I loved the challenge. Look at the world that you come from. I'm just white trailer trash compared to what you should be with. You only married me because I became pregnant and it was the most noble thing to do." Shelby was getting all work up and the monitors started going off.
The nurse came running in and started checking for contractions. She gave Shelby an injection of medication. After she felt she had everything under control she turned to Scott. "Alright you need to leave now. I warned you earlier about getting her upset. I not only want you to leave this room but I want you to leave this hospital."
"I'm not leaving her."
"You will leave or I will be forced to call security."
Scott walked out pointing his finger at Shelby; "Everything you said is not true. I'm the one who screwed up here so stop putting yourself down. You mean more to me than you'll ever know." He went home and tried but unsuccessfully to go to sleep. He sat down at the piano and played for hours trying to get his mind off everything that had happened in the last 24 hours.
Scott was still playing the piano when the doorbell rang. It was his mother and father waiting to come in. Scott just opened the door and walked back into the living room without saying a word. They proceeded to follow.
"Scott we need to talk. Did you get any sleep last night? You look like hell."
"No. What do you want mom?"
"We got a call from the hospital a little while ago." Scott feared that something had gone wrong but his mother was too calm. "The Dr. says they want to keep Shelby one more day or until her blood pressure goes down some. He said that we are to keep you away from her and suggests that we take her home to our house while she is on bed rest. They claim that Shelby's blood pressure and stress level seem to raise in your presence and seem to think that we should keep you two apart for awhile."
Scott couldn't look at his mother and just looked away.
"I told the Dr. that Shelby seemed the happiest and safest when she was near you. Then he told me that this was Shelby's request and that you two argued half the night until they had to kick you out of the hospital last night. What's going on that you are not telling us?"
"We're just not getting along right now. Things will get better."
"I happen to notice that all your clothes are piled in the back of your car. Are you going somewhere?"
"She threw me out before she started having problems. I came back into the house to call the ambulance."
"Shelby loves you Scott."
"Not anymore."
"People don't just fall out of love like that unless something major happens. The only thing major that I could think of would be unfaithfulness and I know that you wouldn't . . ." That's all she had to say when she saw the look on her sons face. "Oh God Scott you didn't."
"Just leave it mom."
Martin spoke this time, "I knew that this whole marriage thing wouldn't last. You don't have any self- control and you never did." He was referring to Elaine.
Scott felt like he had been slapped in the face. He was getting very angry now. "That's not fair dad. I never wanted her. She came after me."
"But you didn't do anything to stop her did you?"
"What bugs you more dad? The fact that I didn't stop her or the fact that she wanted me more than she wanted you?" That was the worst thing to say to Martin. Martin's hand reached out and backhanded Scott across the face. Scott wasn't about to let his dad have the last blow so he successfully landed a right hook to Martin's jaw. Martin came after Scott again and the fight was on. They were both wrestling each other until they brought each other down to the floor. Arms and legs were flying and Susan was screaming at them to stop. They were both so busy caught up in there own aggressive behaviors that Susan finally got a picture of water and poured all over them to get them to stop. Once the water hit them, they both backed away and calmed down.
"Both of you need to calm down and lets discuss what happens next. Time heals all wounds so Scott you are going to stay here and Shelby will come stay with us until we can work something out. I need to know and I want an honest answer from you. Do you still love her and do you want this marriage to work?"
Scott was still breathing hard and wiping to blood off his mouth. "Yes I do love her and I told her over and over. She thinks that she is not good enough for me and she won't except my apologies."
"For now we better let things cool down and worry about her health. I'll talk to her and support her. I don't want you coming over unless she agrees. Do you understand?"
"Mom I can't not go without seeing her. I'll kill me."
"Stop thinking about yourself Scott. If you force yourself to see her without her consent than it might kill the baby. Do you want to take that chance?" Scott just shook his head because he knew that his mother was right.
"I know that this is going to be hard on you. I'll swing by everyday to bring you dinner and give you an update on how she is. Jess can come by for a visit also."
Scott hung his head low. "You can came by but don't bring Jess."
"But Jess likes hanging out with you." And then she saw the look. "Oh no. Please tell me it wasn't with Jess?"
Martin exploded again. "Oh this just keeps getting better and better. I thought you stooped to the lowest point in your life when you became a user but this just tops the cake. And I suppose that you are going to say that she forced yourself on you as well right?" Scott wanted so much to pound his dad again but restrained himself. After Martin realized that Scott wasn't going to make a comment, than he threw his hands in the air and walked to the front door. "I don't even know if I can consider you my son anymore."
"Good than I don't have to worry about living up to your expectations."
Susan pulled him aside. "Let things cool down right now. I need you to go pack some of Shelby's things together" Scott turned to leave but his mom grabbed him by the wrist. "Scott did you use any protection with Jess?" Scott was in zombie like state and just shook his head no. He walked back into his room and collapsed on his bed. Susan waited a while in his living room and realized that he wasn't going to come back out. She went in his room and packed a bag for Shelby. She went over to his bed as he lay face down on the pillow with his arms wrapped around the back of his head. She gently rubbed his back because she knew that his world had just came crushing down on him. He needed to feel loved so he could pull himself out of the depression that he was in.
"Scott, I want you to know that I still love you. You've made some major mistakes and hopefully in time we can adjust to them. If you ever need someone to talk to just give me a call. I'm going to go check on Shelby now and then I'll be by later on tonight and we can talk some. Don't give up hope."