CHAPTER 20
It had been a couple of days since Scott had gotten any sleep that didn't consist of little 10-minute catnaps. He cuddled up to his wife and slept the soundest sleep that he hadn't had in a long time. Martin and Susan hoped that this was the start of a new beginning. Peter went back to Horizon praying that they had become soul mates again.
Scott had slept for like 12 straight hours and Shelby had even gotten up several times and gone back to join him later. Susan moved the TV in their room so that Shelby wouldn't get so bored and Scott had managed to sleep through several good movies that Shelby had watched. It got to the point that he had missed several meals so Susan thought it best that they should wake him so they could get him to eat something before he dehydrated.
Shelby reached over and gently began to shake him until he started to stir. It took several minutes before he was actually focused enough to realize where he was. He looked over at her a tried to place where his mind had been lately.
"What day is it?"
"You've been out for two days now." He sat up and tried to clear his head. "You need to eat something because it's been awhile since you've eaten." At that time Susan walked in carrying a tray with some food on it.
Scott looked at her in confusion wondering what she was doing there. "Mom what are you doing here and how'd the TV get in here?"
"I'm just helping Shelby out until you can get back your strength. Your dad brought the TV in here so Shelby won't be so bored while she is on bed rest."
Scott turned to her and said, "Why are you on bed rest?" Both Susan and Shelby looked at each other and became concerned about Scott's mental state. He got out of bed and walked across the room. He took notice of the time that was on the clock and began to panic. "Shit I'm late for school. Why didn't you wake me up earlier?" He began hustling around the room finding some clothes to put on.
Susan ran over to him and grabbed him. "Scott relax. You're on winter break right now. What is the last thing that you remember?" He stopped a minute and put his hand over his forehead. "I don't know. I think I went out to buy a Christmas tree. Did I buy a Christmas tree?"
"Yeah you did but that was days ago. Scott a lot has happened since then." Susan looked over at Shelby and shook her head no. She didn't want to bring up what had happened several days ago because she didn't know if he could handle it. "Scott since you are up why don't you just take this tray into the kitchen and eat at the table. I'd liked to talk to Shelby a minute." Scott did as he was asked and Susan grabbed Martin from the hall and pulled him into the bedroom while shutting the door behind him.
Shelby looked stunned. "What's wrong with him. Is he going to be normal again? I can't believe that he can't remember what's happened around here."
"Shelby I think that he is still suffering from shock. It's like having a mental breakdown and his mind just shut down to avoid the pain he was going through."
"But what happens if he someday remembers? Will it set him off again?"
"We don't know. There is no doubt in my mind that it will come back to him eventually. I think that we are just going to have to take it one day at a time. We'll go along with what his mind is handling right now. Maybe I should stick around until things get secure again. I'll just take Jess room since she is now gone. Martin why don't you go on to work and stop by here on you're way home. I'll fix dinner here later and then we'll see how things go today."
Martin agreed and left the room. He said good-bye to Scott on his way out as Scott stood in the living room looking at the Christmas tree. "Dad what happened to all the ornaments? There're broken." Martin didn't know what to say to his son so he took the easy way out. "Go ask your mother. I've got to get to work. See ya later."
Scott started walking down the hall to his bedroom when he passed the room that Jess used to sleep in. He notices that all of Jess belongings were gone. "Shelby where did your sister go? All her things are gone."
Susan looked at Shelby with the be gentle and lie look on her face. "Well she decided to go home for Christmas. I think that she was missing mom so I don't think that she'll be coming back."
"Man what else has happened that I slept through? How could I have slept so long? Was I sick?"
"Yeah, You were feeling under the weather a little. You're still probably not 100% so why don't you get some more rest. I could use the company so come over here a lay down next to me." Scott didn't have to be asked twice. He looked forward to spending time close to his wife. Susan left them alone and asked Shelby to call if she needed anything.
"Shelby if today is Friday than Christmas is in a couple of days and we haven't gone shopping yet. I don't know what to get for you. What do you want?"
"Scott don't worry about it. I have everything I need right here. I'm not in any condition to go tromping around the mall fighting the crowd. You don't have to get me anything."
"Ok if you don't want anything and I know that I don't need anything right now then why don't we make this Christmas about the baby. We can buy things that the baby will need."
"That's a great idea but I'm still not able to go shopping right now."
"Ok maybe later on tonight then." Shelby realized that Scott wasn't getting it in his head that she was on complete bed rest and she was afraid to tell him. She was sure that he didn't even remember that she had spent two days in the hospital. "Ok since we are going to give the present to each other then we can't go shopping together. You go out by yourself and I'll take your mother with me later." That was enough to pacify him for right now so they lay together in each others arms watching TV until Scott fell asleep again.
In the mist of a deep sleep Scott began to dream. The dream that came into his mind was the nightmare of the last several days. He saw Jess come over to him and express her feelings and desires for him. Scott started mumbling in his sleep, which caught Shelby's attention. "Why doesn't she love me anymore?" Shelby reached over and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. "I want you Scott." It was the same words that Jess said to him that echoed into his ears. Scott responded to the kiss and Shelby took that as a sign of him wanting her. She obliged him with more kisses and in Scott's mind it was Jess making the moves on him. Scott pulled away and yelled "No." Shelby was confused at first until Scott began to ramble again. "I can't. I love Shelby. This isn't right. You can't have feelings for me. It can't happen between us." Scott was sweating, breathing fasting and pushing Shelby away.
Shelby realized that he was having a nightmare and so she shook him to wake him up. He yelled, "Go away Jess." Scott's eyes popped wide open as his eyes came upon Shelby staring down at him. He looked at her until everything came flooding back to him. The tears came streaming down his face. "Oh God I didn't stop her." Shelby softly cried. "You just did Scott. Why didn't you the first time?"
"I let the alcohol numb me just like I let the drugs numb me. I could have stopped her. I could have stopped both of them if I had been straight. My dad was right. It was my fault because I didn't stop her."
"No Scott. She shouldn't have seduced you. Neither one should have seduced you. I think that you have learned that drugs and alcohol doesn't solve your problems. Once the high wears off than you have to deal with the guilt and that's worse than the pain of the seduction."
"I don't know what's worse. The pain of dealing with my shame or the pain I've afflicted upon you."
"It was in the past and the past is now over. I'll forgive you if you can forgive yourself."
"It hurts to much."
"I was hurting too Scott but now I'm hurting because you are still hurting. If we are going to get past this than you've got to forgive yourself. I've already forgiven you but you hurt me when you keep bringing it back up and living through that nightmare."
"Help me to forget. Love me."
"I do." She became passionate with him but she knew that she couldn't become physical because it could start up the labor pains again. She went down on him until he was completely satisfied. Afterwards they snuggled together until they both fell asleep. It was going to take some time to heal but at least they had made a start.
Susan had woken them at lunchtime and gave them something to eat. After Scott ate he decided that he was going to go out and make amends for all the damage that he recently caused. He got out of bed and got dressed to go out. He told Shelby that he was going shopping and walked out of the room. He got his coat on and started for the front door. "Scott where are you going?" his mother asked. "It's almost Christmas and I haven't been shopping yet. Besides the tree looks like shit and is in dire need of help." He walked out the front door, as his mother stood there with her mouth hanging open. She ran back into the back bedroom. "Shelby, Scott just took off and said he was going shopping. He doesn't even know what day it is. Should I go after him?"
"No. I think he is fine now. He's learning to forgive himself and I think that he'll feel more normal if he can go out for awhile."
"But Shelby, he is in a delusional state of mind right now. He doesn't remember the last three or four days of his life."
"He remembers. He has faced his demons and he knows what causes them."
"What do you mean?"
"He now realizes that he can't use drugs and alcohol to escape his problems because the problems will only be doubled when becomes sober. He now realizes that he has to stay straight in order to be strong enough to fight for himself."
"All that happened within the last several hours?"
"Yeah." She smiled thinking about what else had happened in the last several hours. "Could you do me a favor?"
"Sure anything."
"I need you to go get a Christmas gift for Scott. We decided that we were going to get things for the baby instead of each other."
"That sounds like a wonderful idea. I'll wait until Martin comes in from work and then we'll go out. I don't want to leave you alone and I'm hoping Scott will be back by then."
The next four hours seemed like years as Shelby waited for Scott to get back home. She had finally dozed off to sleep again waiting for him to return. Martin had gotten in from work and Susan had filled him in on the progress of the day. They were beginning to get worried about how long Scott had been gone until he finally showed up. It took him three trips out to the car to bring in all the bags that he had purchased that day. He had gotten all new tree decorations so that he could finish the Christmas tree. He had given his mother the baby gifts to wrap as his father and he decorated the tree. Shelby started to come out of the bedroom at one time but Scott yelled for her to go back until they were finished. He wanted to surprise her with the house completely decorated.
It took over an hour but the apartment looked very festive. Susan made dinner and then took off with Martin to go shopping per Shelby's request. Scott went back to the bedroom and told Shelby that she could come out for dinner. He put a handkerchief over her eyes so that he could surprise her and walked her down the hall. When he got out in front of the living room he took the blindfold off so she could have a look.
"Oh Scott it's beautiful. You finished the tree and decorated the place. Where'd all the presents come from?"
"I went shopping."
"Since when do you enjoy shopping that much? I can't believe that you would put up with all the crazy people at the mall."
"Oh I didn't go to the mall. I went to the Baby Superstore. I showed a sales clerk a picture of our baby and said give me everything it needs."
"You showed them the sonogram picture? Scott you're too funny. Did you leave anything for me to buy?"
"Shelby get real. You can't go shopping. I had to shop for the both of us."
"Oh you're really enjoying this aren't you?"
"Yeah, there was something uplifting about buying stuff for our baby. It helped make it seem more real."
"That's because it is real. Come feel. The baby thinks it's playtime right now. It seems to move more when you are around. Do you think that they can hear in there? I think it hears your voice and it gets excited." Scott went over to place his hands on her stomach. He could feel the movement of the baby through her stomach. He then took her hand and walked into the living and turned out all the lights except the lights on the tree. Scott made a fire in the fireplace and the two of them sat on the couch enjoying the peaceful solitude of being alone together.
Shelby felt that Scott was sane enough to care for her so Susan and Martin went home that night. Susan had to apologize to Shelby because she didn't get very many gifts. She said that Scott had practically bought out the store. It didn't matter because they would still have fun opening all the baby presents.
Christmas finally came and they both had a great time opening up all the gifts. The baby had enough stuff to start its life out right. Shelby sat on the floor in the baby's room as she watched Scott put together the crib. Susan had picked out cute bedding and crib pads with bears on them. Shelby's gifts were the practical ones like bedding, blankets, diapers, towels and clothes. Scott's gifts were the essential ones like, crib, car seat, stroller, changing table, dresser and swing. Once the baby's room was completed they both stood together looking around wondering what it was going to be like with the extra presence in that room.
It had been a couple of days since Scott had gotten any sleep that didn't consist of little 10-minute catnaps. He cuddled up to his wife and slept the soundest sleep that he hadn't had in a long time. Martin and Susan hoped that this was the start of a new beginning. Peter went back to Horizon praying that they had become soul mates again.
Scott had slept for like 12 straight hours and Shelby had even gotten up several times and gone back to join him later. Susan moved the TV in their room so that Shelby wouldn't get so bored and Scott had managed to sleep through several good movies that Shelby had watched. It got to the point that he had missed several meals so Susan thought it best that they should wake him so they could get him to eat something before he dehydrated.
Shelby reached over and gently began to shake him until he started to stir. It took several minutes before he was actually focused enough to realize where he was. He looked over at her a tried to place where his mind had been lately.
"What day is it?"
"You've been out for two days now." He sat up and tried to clear his head. "You need to eat something because it's been awhile since you've eaten." At that time Susan walked in carrying a tray with some food on it.
Scott looked at her in confusion wondering what she was doing there. "Mom what are you doing here and how'd the TV get in here?"
"I'm just helping Shelby out until you can get back your strength. Your dad brought the TV in here so Shelby won't be so bored while she is on bed rest."
Scott turned to her and said, "Why are you on bed rest?" Both Susan and Shelby looked at each other and became concerned about Scott's mental state. He got out of bed and walked across the room. He took notice of the time that was on the clock and began to panic. "Shit I'm late for school. Why didn't you wake me up earlier?" He began hustling around the room finding some clothes to put on.
Susan ran over to him and grabbed him. "Scott relax. You're on winter break right now. What is the last thing that you remember?" He stopped a minute and put his hand over his forehead. "I don't know. I think I went out to buy a Christmas tree. Did I buy a Christmas tree?"
"Yeah you did but that was days ago. Scott a lot has happened since then." Susan looked over at Shelby and shook her head no. She didn't want to bring up what had happened several days ago because she didn't know if he could handle it. "Scott since you are up why don't you just take this tray into the kitchen and eat at the table. I'd liked to talk to Shelby a minute." Scott did as he was asked and Susan grabbed Martin from the hall and pulled him into the bedroom while shutting the door behind him.
Shelby looked stunned. "What's wrong with him. Is he going to be normal again? I can't believe that he can't remember what's happened around here."
"Shelby I think that he is still suffering from shock. It's like having a mental breakdown and his mind just shut down to avoid the pain he was going through."
"But what happens if he someday remembers? Will it set him off again?"
"We don't know. There is no doubt in my mind that it will come back to him eventually. I think that we are just going to have to take it one day at a time. We'll go along with what his mind is handling right now. Maybe I should stick around until things get secure again. I'll just take Jess room since she is now gone. Martin why don't you go on to work and stop by here on you're way home. I'll fix dinner here later and then we'll see how things go today."
Martin agreed and left the room. He said good-bye to Scott on his way out as Scott stood in the living room looking at the Christmas tree. "Dad what happened to all the ornaments? There're broken." Martin didn't know what to say to his son so he took the easy way out. "Go ask your mother. I've got to get to work. See ya later."
Scott started walking down the hall to his bedroom when he passed the room that Jess used to sleep in. He notices that all of Jess belongings were gone. "Shelby where did your sister go? All her things are gone."
Susan looked at Shelby with the be gentle and lie look on her face. "Well she decided to go home for Christmas. I think that she was missing mom so I don't think that she'll be coming back."
"Man what else has happened that I slept through? How could I have slept so long? Was I sick?"
"Yeah, You were feeling under the weather a little. You're still probably not 100% so why don't you get some more rest. I could use the company so come over here a lay down next to me." Scott didn't have to be asked twice. He looked forward to spending time close to his wife. Susan left them alone and asked Shelby to call if she needed anything.
"Shelby if today is Friday than Christmas is in a couple of days and we haven't gone shopping yet. I don't know what to get for you. What do you want?"
"Scott don't worry about it. I have everything I need right here. I'm not in any condition to go tromping around the mall fighting the crowd. You don't have to get me anything."
"Ok if you don't want anything and I know that I don't need anything right now then why don't we make this Christmas about the baby. We can buy things that the baby will need."
"That's a great idea but I'm still not able to go shopping right now."
"Ok maybe later on tonight then." Shelby realized that Scott wasn't getting it in his head that she was on complete bed rest and she was afraid to tell him. She was sure that he didn't even remember that she had spent two days in the hospital. "Ok since we are going to give the present to each other then we can't go shopping together. You go out by yourself and I'll take your mother with me later." That was enough to pacify him for right now so they lay together in each others arms watching TV until Scott fell asleep again.
In the mist of a deep sleep Scott began to dream. The dream that came into his mind was the nightmare of the last several days. He saw Jess come over to him and express her feelings and desires for him. Scott started mumbling in his sleep, which caught Shelby's attention. "Why doesn't she love me anymore?" Shelby reached over and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. "I want you Scott." It was the same words that Jess said to him that echoed into his ears. Scott responded to the kiss and Shelby took that as a sign of him wanting her. She obliged him with more kisses and in Scott's mind it was Jess making the moves on him. Scott pulled away and yelled "No." Shelby was confused at first until Scott began to ramble again. "I can't. I love Shelby. This isn't right. You can't have feelings for me. It can't happen between us." Scott was sweating, breathing fasting and pushing Shelby away.
Shelby realized that he was having a nightmare and so she shook him to wake him up. He yelled, "Go away Jess." Scott's eyes popped wide open as his eyes came upon Shelby staring down at him. He looked at her until everything came flooding back to him. The tears came streaming down his face. "Oh God I didn't stop her." Shelby softly cried. "You just did Scott. Why didn't you the first time?"
"I let the alcohol numb me just like I let the drugs numb me. I could have stopped her. I could have stopped both of them if I had been straight. My dad was right. It was my fault because I didn't stop her."
"No Scott. She shouldn't have seduced you. Neither one should have seduced you. I think that you have learned that drugs and alcohol doesn't solve your problems. Once the high wears off than you have to deal with the guilt and that's worse than the pain of the seduction."
"I don't know what's worse. The pain of dealing with my shame or the pain I've afflicted upon you."
"It was in the past and the past is now over. I'll forgive you if you can forgive yourself."
"It hurts to much."
"I was hurting too Scott but now I'm hurting because you are still hurting. If we are going to get past this than you've got to forgive yourself. I've already forgiven you but you hurt me when you keep bringing it back up and living through that nightmare."
"Help me to forget. Love me."
"I do." She became passionate with him but she knew that she couldn't become physical because it could start up the labor pains again. She went down on him until he was completely satisfied. Afterwards they snuggled together until they both fell asleep. It was going to take some time to heal but at least they had made a start.
Susan had woken them at lunchtime and gave them something to eat. After Scott ate he decided that he was going to go out and make amends for all the damage that he recently caused. He got out of bed and got dressed to go out. He told Shelby that he was going shopping and walked out of the room. He got his coat on and started for the front door. "Scott where are you going?" his mother asked. "It's almost Christmas and I haven't been shopping yet. Besides the tree looks like shit and is in dire need of help." He walked out the front door, as his mother stood there with her mouth hanging open. She ran back into the back bedroom. "Shelby, Scott just took off and said he was going shopping. He doesn't even know what day it is. Should I go after him?"
"No. I think he is fine now. He's learning to forgive himself and I think that he'll feel more normal if he can go out for awhile."
"But Shelby, he is in a delusional state of mind right now. He doesn't remember the last three or four days of his life."
"He remembers. He has faced his demons and he knows what causes them."
"What do you mean?"
"He now realizes that he can't use drugs and alcohol to escape his problems because the problems will only be doubled when becomes sober. He now realizes that he has to stay straight in order to be strong enough to fight for himself."
"All that happened within the last several hours?"
"Yeah." She smiled thinking about what else had happened in the last several hours. "Could you do me a favor?"
"Sure anything."
"I need you to go get a Christmas gift for Scott. We decided that we were going to get things for the baby instead of each other."
"That sounds like a wonderful idea. I'll wait until Martin comes in from work and then we'll go out. I don't want to leave you alone and I'm hoping Scott will be back by then."
The next four hours seemed like years as Shelby waited for Scott to get back home. She had finally dozed off to sleep again waiting for him to return. Martin had gotten in from work and Susan had filled him in on the progress of the day. They were beginning to get worried about how long Scott had been gone until he finally showed up. It took him three trips out to the car to bring in all the bags that he had purchased that day. He had gotten all new tree decorations so that he could finish the Christmas tree. He had given his mother the baby gifts to wrap as his father and he decorated the tree. Shelby started to come out of the bedroom at one time but Scott yelled for her to go back until they were finished. He wanted to surprise her with the house completely decorated.
It took over an hour but the apartment looked very festive. Susan made dinner and then took off with Martin to go shopping per Shelby's request. Scott went back to the bedroom and told Shelby that she could come out for dinner. He put a handkerchief over her eyes so that he could surprise her and walked her down the hall. When he got out in front of the living room he took the blindfold off so she could have a look.
"Oh Scott it's beautiful. You finished the tree and decorated the place. Where'd all the presents come from?"
"I went shopping."
"Since when do you enjoy shopping that much? I can't believe that you would put up with all the crazy people at the mall."
"Oh I didn't go to the mall. I went to the Baby Superstore. I showed a sales clerk a picture of our baby and said give me everything it needs."
"You showed them the sonogram picture? Scott you're too funny. Did you leave anything for me to buy?"
"Shelby get real. You can't go shopping. I had to shop for the both of us."
"Oh you're really enjoying this aren't you?"
"Yeah, there was something uplifting about buying stuff for our baby. It helped make it seem more real."
"That's because it is real. Come feel. The baby thinks it's playtime right now. It seems to move more when you are around. Do you think that they can hear in there? I think it hears your voice and it gets excited." Scott went over to place his hands on her stomach. He could feel the movement of the baby through her stomach. He then took her hand and walked into the living and turned out all the lights except the lights on the tree. Scott made a fire in the fireplace and the two of them sat on the couch enjoying the peaceful solitude of being alone together.
Shelby felt that Scott was sane enough to care for her so Susan and Martin went home that night. Susan had to apologize to Shelby because she didn't get very many gifts. She said that Scott had practically bought out the store. It didn't matter because they would still have fun opening all the baby presents.
Christmas finally came and they both had a great time opening up all the gifts. The baby had enough stuff to start its life out right. Shelby sat on the floor in the baby's room as she watched Scott put together the crib. Susan had picked out cute bedding and crib pads with bears on them. Shelby's gifts were the practical ones like bedding, blankets, diapers, towels and clothes. Scott's gifts were the essential ones like, crib, car seat, stroller, changing table, dresser and swing. Once the baby's room was completed they both stood together looking around wondering what it was going to be like with the extra presence in that room.