Rating: R
Disclaimer: If I owned any rights to DA I'd just steal Logan and never give him back...in other words, I don't own DA.
A/N: God...I want to just get this story over with!! I see an all night write-a-thon coming on. This fic is just a little bit too pointless to hold my attention for very long...I've got to throw in some action or something. Guess I better retrieve the Mountain Dew from the fridge...oh yeah, the song lyrics have nothing really to do with the story, I just am sitting here listening to "Take My Breath Away" over and over again and stuck it in.
Wind of Change
"Watching every motion
In my foolish lover's game
On this endless ocean
Finally lovers know no shame
Turning and returning
To some secret place inside
Watching in slow motion
As you turn around and say
Take my breath away..."
-Berlin
Zack looked up at the clear black sky that stretched from one flat horizon to the other. He recognized that sky, the way a person could get lost in it. He'd sat up at night as a boy and looked out his window at the Wyoming stars. They'd allowed him to escape from the dismal life he found himself destined to live. He could pretend that Manticore didn't exist when he stared at them, that he was of some higher purpose.
Darkly, he continued down the sidewalk, thinking momentarily of Max. He missed her, but knew Seattle, somehow, was where she belonged. Faced with the fact that he could never have her, and with Lydecker being so close to her, he felt like he had to do something. Gillette was the last place in the world he'd imagined himself going, but the world had unceremoniously dropped him on his ass there after having wandered the northwest for weeks.
He passed by small, dimly lit houses. Shadowy figures passed by the windows as families sat down to dinner. The same families, more or less, who had sat down to similar dinners years ago while Zack had been trained to kill only a few short miles away.
Everything about the night of their escape was clear in his mind...the cold, the snow crunching under his bare feet. He remembered standing and looking down at the collection of young children, their hair cut short and their eyes wide. He'd been one of them, yet at the same time, he wasn't. Zack was the leader, the big brother. He didn't get the luxury of fear, of having someone take care of him. Given the chance, he wasn't sure he would take it. Relying on other people produced weakness, and he was one person who couldn't afford to have a soft spot.
A smile cracking his rough demeanor, he thought again of Max and how she would respond to his thoughts. She'd accused him once of not being able to move past Manticore, and deep inside he knew that she was right. He resented it, but the place was a part of him, a dark scar on his soul.
Soul -- he wasn't even positive he had one.
There was something in the way Max and Logan looked at one another that made Zack resentful. Not so much because he selfishly wanted Max for himself, although he did. In the end, whatever made Max happy was where she would end up, and that was what he wanted for her. What really made him angry was looking at them, seeing the happiness in their eyes, and knowing that it was completely unattainable to him.
Forking his hand through his freshly shorn blonde hair, he imagined them were curled up on Logan's wide couch together, sipping expensive wine and watching some classically entertaining movie. He envisioned them wrapped in each others arms, filling the evening air with nothing but their soft breathing.
***
Rain splattered hard against the windshield, making it hard to see. Even Max was having a hard time making out the fine line where road ended and grass began. Logan was leaning forward, his eyes squinted.
"Maybe we should stop..." Max offered.
"Maybe," Logan agreed. "Happen to know how far it is to the next town?"
"No clue, I thought you knew," she replied.
"How the hell would I know? I'm driving!"
"And you don't watch the signs as you drive?"
"Maybe if I could see them..."
"How the fuck am I supposed to see them any better than you?"
Silence descended quickly between them and Max crossed her arms stubbornly. The sound of the windshield wipers filled the emptiness in the car. Their rhythmic swishing calming their smoldering nerves. Max was struggling with being only inches away from Logan for hours and resisting the urge to touch him. Logan was facing a similar battle within himself, setting them on edge.
"It can't be very far," Logan announced, craning his neck to see a sign as they passed it. "Damn, did you get it?"
"Yellowstone River," she replied
"Well that's helpful, this whole damn highway follows the Yellowstone River," Logan ground out, clenching his jaw. The action was unfamiliar to Max and reminded her distantly of Zack.
"Just watch for an exit," Max said, angry again.
"I've been watching for an exit, I'm not a complete idiot," he shot back.
"Could have fooled me."
They both sat, fuming in silence for a moment until an exit appeared magically through the storm. Logan swerved, vaulting his car down it. Max, caught by surprise by the quick change in direction was tossed against Logan's side, her hand grabbing his thigh to steady herself.
"Maybe you should put your seatbelt back on," he offered as a response to her earlier cutting remark. Still half way across the car and holding onto his leg, Max tightened her grip in anger. He winced and shifted away from her before she released him.
"Maybe you should keep your thoughts to yourself," she replied smartly.
As punishment, Logan lurched to a stop in front of a hotel with a bright neon sign as Max was climbing back into her seat. She lost her balance again, and dropped to her hands and knees, giving him an excellent view of her rear. She tossed him a scathing look for it, and before he got the chance to apologize -- not that he intended to -- she threw open the door and stepped out into the rain.
It was coming down in sheets, and within minutes Max was soaking wet. Logan took his time getting out of the car and grabbing his suitcase as she waited for him. The hotel was small, it's neon sign which had looked so promising through the rain really just tacky up close. Not a Holiday Inn, but she'd stayed in worse places.
"Can I help you?" the man at the counter looked up at them when they walked in, soaked and angry.
"We'd like a room," Logan announced.
"Obviously..." the man drawled slowly. "Just one room?"
"Just one," Logan nodded.
"Right this way," he offered them a brittle smile and grabbed a key off the rack behind him.
Max followed behind him, fuming the entire way. She had no doubt that steam was rising off of her as her rising body temperature evaporated the rain. In truth, they both looked more like pissed off, half drowned rats.
"You can pay for the room when you check out," the man announced, stopping in front of a door and pausing to unlock it. The door, which was painted a bland, but somehow disturbing shade of brown, swung inward and Max stalked into the darkened room.
Rolling his eyes, and muttering "women" as if it explained everything, Logan took the key from the man and followed her inside. The door slammed behind him. Max stood surveying the room with obvious distaste.
"There you go Mr. Brilliant," she waved her hand in the air. "One bed...which this entire room hardly fits! Oh, but look...we did get a TV from the 1970's."
"You can go sleep out in the rain if you want," Logan retorted.
"You know, what the fuck crawled up your ass?" Max suddenly spun around and demanded. "Everything was fine and then all the sudden, you start being all pissy!"
"Me? You started it!"
"Like hell I did!"
"You did!"
"I did not!"
They stared heatedly at each other for a few moments, only inches apart. Logan's nose nearly touched Max's as they fought to be the last one to show weakness by breaking the stare.
"You can take the damn bed," Logan announced bitterly, casting his gaze down to the floor. There were some fights that would never be won with Max, and when matching up their determination, she would almost always come out on top. Manticore had at least given her that much, she couldn't be intimidated and she almost never backed down.
"Why? So you can act all pathetic tomorrow? I don't think so! You take the bed," she fired back.
"I'm not going to let you sleep on the floor," Logan replied.
"I don't sleep."
"So you keep saying," he retorted. "But if you don't sleep...why are you so fucking worked up about the damn bed?"
"Me? You're the one making the big deal about it!" Logan's face was suddenly centimeters away from her own.
"My patience is running really thin, Max," he announced hotly. "If you don't quit fighting with me about every little thing I'm going to -"
"What? Hit me?" Max demanded, calling his bluff.
"I'd never hit you," he replied, still within her personal space.
"Then what are you going to do?" she taunted. "You've got nothing to threaten me with."
Anger flashed through Logan's eyes like lightning moments before thunder rolled through them. He grabbed her roughly and, dragging her up against him, slid his mouth over her own in a kiss that was demanding and violent. He forced his way into her mouth, only to retreat moments later when Max's jaw dropped, giving him complete access.
His grip slowly loosened as their anger sprung from sexual tension transformed into passion. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, hauling her body roughly up against his own. She brought her hands up and buried them in his still wet hair. Their breathing heavy, she was only distantly aware of the low sound of Logan groaning.
He made a low, throaty sound and backed up with her until they ran into the small dresser holding up the 70's era television. The collision only seemed to make them more frantic for each other and the kiss became wildly frenzied once again. They bit one another, invaded, there was no gentle coaxing. Logan turned away from the dresser, and Max, standing on her toes, pursued him. He continued to back up with her until they found their way fumblingly to the bed, having already run into every other object in the room.
Max, all of her sanity gone, followed him down, climbing eagerly on top of him. He grabbed at her clothes, the tension rising to unbearable levels. Both were gasping for breath and Max was straddling Logan, pinning to the bed.
"Oh...God, Max," he managed to grind out between gasps as her hips instinctively moved against his own. The action, or the intense pleasure that it brought, seemed to bring both of them back. Max looked down at him, shock in her eyes. Logan's look was comparable only to a deer caught on a dark lonely road at night.
"Logan..." she breathed. "What are we doing?"
He stared up at her.
"I don't know...what are we doing?" he asked.
She stared back down at him, not having moved from her position on top of him. Her hands rested on either side of his chest, his hands were on her hips.
"What just happened?" she asked, more to herself than him.
"Whatever it was," Logan breathed, "it was amazing."
The comment earned him a quick slap to the chest with the back of Max's hand, breaking the serious tone of the moment and allowing them both to laugh. Still fully dressed, they sat in the same position for a few more moments before Logan broke the silence.
"Max?"
"Yeah?"
"We don't ever have to...I mean...if you don't want to...if you don't feel that way about me..." he stammered. Max looked down at him in disbelief, wondering how he could think that she didn't feel that way about him when moments before she'd been about to tear off his clothes.
"It's just...it's not right to do it in anger," she replied, still a little breathless.
"You're right..." he agreed, nodding. She sat up, covering his hands with her own momentarily as she rolled off him to lay beside him. On their backs, they stared up at the ceiling.
"If we weren't angry..." Max murmured, still tingling from the contact she'd had with him. Max wasn't innocent enough that she was oblivious to what she was feeling. She wanted Logan, badly. From what she could tell, he wanted her to. There was no reason that two adults such as themselves couldn't sleep with one another...
"If we weren't angry," Logan repeated, "it'd be okay."
"Right."
"Are you angry?"
"Are you?"
"Not anymore..."
Max rolled onto her side to look at him, wondering if what they were considering was a gigantic mistake. As embarrassed as she was to admit it, Max was afraid. Afraid Logan would reject her, afraid that things wouldn't be the same in the morning. However, she was also realistic enough to realize things between them were at a fragile turning point. She didn't know if this moment in a run down hotel miles from home was their signal to move things further.
"I'm not really mad anymore either," she admitted, looking into his eyes.
"Do you think...I mean..." Logan struggled through his normally flawless sentences.
"Do you think?" Max asked.
"Yeah...I kind of think..."
"Me too."
He rolled over to face her, his face once again close enough to hers that she could smell him. She breathed in his scent, made heavier by their earlier endeavor.
"What were we mad about in the first place?" he asked.
"The bed...the rain," Max replied.
"Right. Silly things."
"Right."
His hand came up, pushing a strand of hair off Max's cheek. The simple brush of his fingers across her skin made her shudder and she closed her eyes to relish the feeling. He laughed lightly, pausing to tease her ear.
"Logan?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm scared..." She swallowed and opened her eyes.
"Of what?" he asked, concern radiating from him.
"Of this," she replied, looking away from his eyes. "This thing between us."
"You don't need to be," he replied, his touch becoming increasingly tender. "You don't need to be scared with me, Max...ever. Trust me?" His hand traveled down her side, coming once again to rest on her hip.
He didn't ask her if she loved him, that was one thing she wasn't ready to say. He merely asked for her trust, for her to believe he wouldn't hurt her. No pledges, no promises...just trust. That was something Max could handle.
"I trust you," she replied, leaning forward to kiss him lightly. His lips smiled under hers and he kissed her back, delicately. The embrace was slow, giving both of them time to adjust to yet another shift in their relationship and fully enjoy what the other had to offer. Max took the opportunity to rub her face against the ever present stubble on Logan's jaw, to fully explore all the recesses of his mouth with her tongue. The gentle, undemanding exploration served to re-arouse their drive and before long they were gasping again.
Logan rolled on top of her, pinning her down.
"Kendra will be so proud," Max laughed, pushing her hands up under his shirt.
"Why's that?" Logan asked as he nibbled at her ear.
"She's been trying to get us together since we met," she laughed. "Everything to Kendra's about sex."
"You're going to tell her?" he asked, following suit but pushing his hands under her shirt as well. He explored her back as Max shakily answered the question.
"No...I don't think so," she replied. "Private things should remain private."
"Nice policy," Logan replied, smiling.
"No more talking," Max insisted, kissing him. She pulled her body down against hers. They'd waited long enough, and Max wasn't known for her patience.
"Mmm...Max..." Logan sighed as she reached down to unbutton his pants.
"Logan, you should have enough breath to talk right now," Max gasped as the teasing intensified.
"Right...sorry," he apologized. As they carefully shed their clothes, he eventually found out that she was right when being with Max so easily took his breath away. Entwined, they filled the night with their breathless, unspoken professions of love.
*Two in one day...pretty impressive, huh? Even managed to connect the song...lol! I'll try and finish tomorrow*