Note: Bet you couldn't guess this, but I don't own GW or any of the GW characters. I do own Smokey, the cat, both in this fic and in real life. In fact he helped my write this fic, unfortunately I had to take out any contribution he made since just placing ones paws randomly on the keyboard [usually by walking across it] dose not produce the appropriate story text.
Warning: This is my first attempt at writing humor. I was
inspired by my cat, and Duo seemed like the best candidate for the cat
to torment. Sorry, in advance if it turns out lousy.
Duo entered his home after a week on a work related absence.
"Hilde, I'm home!" he called.
He was so glad to be back. All that traveling really took it out of him. He made his way to the bedroom to dispose of his bags. Before he got there, he stopped due to an unusual weight on one foot. Duo looked down at the shoe he had decided not to tie when it had come undone and found a gray furball happily claiming his dangling lace.
"Cat," he identified. "Cat… We don't have a cat!"
"Hilde!!!" he called again.
Hilde entered the room wiping her hand on a towel and smiling her greeting.
"CAT!" Duo pointed at the feline who had his lace.
"Very good," she patronized. "You get an A for correctly identifying it."
"I know what it is!" said a tired and cranky Duo. "Where did it come from?"
"It's Sally's cat, Smokey," she answered as if that should answer all his questions.
"If it is Sally's, what's it doing HERE?"
"Oh…why didn't you ask that in the first place?"
Duo brought his free hand to his forehead and shook his head from side to side in exasperation.
"Sally had to be out of town for a while and needed someone to cat sit, so I offered."
"Why didn't she have Wufie take care of it?"
"He had to go too."
By this time the cat had tired of the string and was investigating Duo's bag he carried. Duo shooed it away and continued to his destination.
"When did Sally get a cat?" he asked Hilde who carried the cat as she followed him to the bedroom.
"Wufie gave it to her for her birthday last month, and isn't he adorable," she cooed.
Duo just shook his head as Hilde coddled the cat. He through his bags on the bed and started rummaging through them.
"I better go check on dinner. It should be ready in ten minutes," she said before leaving.
"Good," thought Duo. "I sure could use a bit to eat. I'm starved."
He pulled out a box and sat it on the nightstand and when he turned back to the bag, the cat had crawled into the bag and was investigating the continence.
"Stupid cat," Duo mumbled as he picked Smokey up and tossed him to the floor.
Duo continued to rummage through the bag tossing unwanted items to the floor. The cat found this highly amusing and would pounce on the item as it hit the carpet. With his bags unpacked and his annoyance with the cat forgotten, Duo made his way to the kitchen for dinner.
"Smells great," Duo commented when he entered the room.
"Thanks," replied Hilde. "Its ready," she stated as she placed the food on the table.
Duo bounded into the chair and quickly had his plate full which was followed by a full mouth. Once he had eased the major part of his hunger, he slowed down in his eating and told Hilde about his trip. As he talked he gestured with his hands and moved his head. His long braid hung behind the chair swaying with his movements.
The moving braid was being intently studied by a pair of yellow eyes located in the doorway. The undulating braid called and taunted the eyes' owner. He stealthily crept closer to his goal. Soft padded paws not making a sound as he closed in on his prey. When he was a few feet from his goal, he stopped and prepared to pounce on the seductive item that had been calling to him to catch it.
"Yaaooooohhhhh!!!!" exclaimed Duo as he quickly grabbed his braid to ease the sudden weight attached to it.
"What's the matter?" asked a concerned Hilde.
There was a thump and Duo pulled his braid protectively to his lap. The cat sauntered across the room plopping down on his side and lazily watched Duo with his tail swishing back and forth.
"Don't you even think about it, CAT!" declared Duo.
Hilde laughed having guessed what had occurred. Every time she would imagine Smokey hanging from Duo's braid, she would start laughing again. Duo tried to glare at her but was unsuccessful.
"That beast," Duo pointed accusingly, "attacked my poor hair. My wonderful hair. I hope there is not damage," he pouted as he held his braid out for Hilde's inspection.
"I am sure it is fine," she replied.
The rest of the evening Duo defensively held his braid and watched the cat distrustfully any time the cat strolled through the room. The cat did not appear to care.
~*~
Duo slowly woke from his sleep with the feel of something moist repeatedly touching his face. His first thought was that Hilde was kissing him awake, but it was to course for that. The moistness moved to his nose. Duo moved his head to the side to make it stop and opened his eyes. Two yellow eyes surrounded by gray fur stared back at him. As the fact that the cat was perched on his chest slowly made it into Duo's sleep fogged brain, Hilde nuzzled close to his side and whispered, "I think he likes you," as she stroked the cat's soft coat.
Duo growled his displeasure at being cat furniture as the cat walked over to Hilde.
Duo stumbled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. Soon his usual mirth returned as he showered and sang as loud as possible off key. His singing became garbled as he stood under the falling water to rinse the soap out of his hair.
Duo jumped as something brushed up against his leg. When he looked down, Smokey was sitting at the back of the tub watching him. Duo reached up and adjusted the showerhead so the spray would hit the cat.
"Here, take that," Duo cackled as the water hit the cat and he scurried out of the tub.
Duo finished his shower and got dressed. He walked by the foot of his bed in search of his shoes when two gray paws shot out from under the bedspread and snagged his sock. Duo pulled his foot which resulted in claws meeting flesh. Duo let out a small yelp of pain before dislodging the cat, who lurked under the bed.
"When is Sally going to be back?" he demanded of Hilde as he entered the kitchen.
"Tomorrow."
"Good," he retorted as he got breakfast. "That cat is evil. He is out to get me!"
Duo recounted his morning cat attacks to Hilde which she found quite amusing.
"Duo, Smokey is not out to get you. He is still a kitten and very playful. That's all. I can't help it if you are fun to play with," she teased.
~*~
Whispers, giggling, and moans of pleasure originated from the couple covered by the sheet as they teased each other with kisses. Unbeknownst to them, their movements under the sheet were being watched.
Smokey sat on the nightstand intrigued with the moving bump at the foot of the bed and decided it looked like it needed pounced. In one smooth leap the cat landed on his quarry and dug in tooth and claw through the thin sheet.
Duo shot up and rolled out of bed muttering obscenities in the process and rubbing his leg.
"Where is that cat?" he demanded as he stalked around the room in his boxers. "Ah, ha!" he exclaimed as Smokey dashed out the bedroom door.
Duo quickly shut the door and laughed maniacally.
"You won't get me now!" he exclaimed before crawling back in bed.
Hilde just shook her head at him.
~*~ The next morning ~*~
The doorbell rang.
"I'll get it," declared Duo as he bounded to the door hopping it was Sally.
He opened the door to find Sally and Wufie standing there. He invited them in.
"I am glad to see you, Sally."
"What he really means is he is glad you came to get you cat," interpreted Hilde.
Duo got a hurt look on his face.
"Even if the cat was not here, I would be glad to see Sally," he retorted, "and you too, Wu-man."
Wufie bristled at Duo's nickname for him.
"But, I am really glad you have come for your cat," added Duo.
"Duo believes your cat is out to get him," explained Hilde.
"Really. Why does he think that?" inquired Sally.
Hilde recounted Duo's episodes with Smokey, much to the delight of Sally and Wufie, and Duo added his own comments on the "vicious attacks."
Wufie was glad he got the cat. When he had given Sally the cat as a gift, he never expected him to cause so much trouble for Maxwell, and Wufie was enjoying Duo's troubles.
After Sally and Wufie left, Hilde turned to Duo and said, "I think we should get a cat."
"NNOOOOOOO….." screamed Duo as he locked himself in the bedroom.
Hilde laughed evilly to herself.
The End