Title: Ten Things I Hate About You - Part four
Author: Akane "Bunny" Tendo
E-mail: Akane_Bunny_Tendo@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13
AN - WARNING!!! WARNING!!! **This fic is meant for the adult audience, it is not intended for viewers younger than 13 years of age. ** WARNING!!! WARNING!!! Also, the characters, as you'll see in the later portion of this section, are more sensitive, emotionally. And please remember that just because Helga does not end up with Arnold in the BEGINNING does not necessarily mean that will be the outcome of this story. That's it, enjoy!! ;)
*indicates further explanation below
~*Ten Things I Hate About You*~
Finally, the fog has cleared and that of a warm, nurturing condition has instead replaced the residual marks of rage. We are greeted now to a friendlier atmosphere. One in which all hatred, pain, and remorse shall be opened up to two newly found friends - two hopeful friends in search of a similar bond. New insights are revealed as the doors of truth and awakening open themselves up to these two soul-searching kindred spirits.*
Dr. Düsterheit wiped away any traces of the sudden burst of emotion she had just let out whilst allowing her senses to calm down. "I suppose there's a first time for everything," she thought with a wry grin. Taking up her clipboard, she forcefully threw it into the trashcan at her side. At Helga's questioning glance she explained, "I don't think we'll be needing this anymore."
Helga sat there stunned. For once in a while she didn't have a psychologist made of dead steel simply working by the books. "I've had enough of that for now," she thought in disgust. "Maybe she can even help me fill this empty void I have within me." Looking up, she glanced at the doctor with a tender smile. "Where do we start now?" she asked with just a hint of worry, yet allowing a part of herself to accept and bring out enough to offer to the possible newfound friend before her.
The doctor thought about this for a while before answering. "Well, maybe you can start with your past. When did you first start feeling any emotions of hurt, of pain? Maybe we can start from there."
Helga thought about this for a while. She was smiling at first, but then a frown began to overtake her features with each awakening memory. Working through her past, she began to see pieces of a puzzle fit together. She saw and remembered the pain she felt as each person she allowed into her life give her nothing but pain. Until of course…
"I guess you could say it all started when I was born." At the doctor's shocked and questioning gaze, she continued. "I suppose my family is not what you'd consider a child's greatest picture of warmth and nurture as in the fairy tales. But let's face it. I was stuck with this one," she said with a hint of malice spreading across her features.
"One of the worst times I've had, though I must admit, others have come by, was with my sister and my parents. I suppose you've heard the tale - little sister constantly having to battle over the picturesque older sister. I guess you could say it was a battle in my family. A battle I was never meant to win, however." Taking out a picture, she held it up to her chest, pondering with resignation. "I truly did love her, you know? My sister. But… it's hard to picture a time that brought me such pain with any semblance of gratitude or forgiveness. I never have been good on the forget and forgiving side of things."
"So I take it you were always considered the underdog in your family, is that it?" asked Dr. Düsterheit. At Helga's approval, she continued. "Every family has these problems, Helga. It's not something to…"
"No…" she said so faintly the doctor could hardly hear it. "You don't understand," she continued. "It's not like everyone else… it's not!" she almost screamed at her. After sensing her slip up, she breathed in and relaxed for a moment. "You just don't understand. I know you've had your problems and… You see," she said while fingering her hands. "My parents were always ignoring me. Constantly patronizing me for not being as good as her. It was Olga this and Olga that. I began to eventually loathe the girl! I couldn't stand it anymore. One day… when I saw my opportunity… I guess you could say, I took it… head on."
~*flashback sequence begins*~
We step forward into a hazy scene, it's atmosphere covered in mist and fog. As the picture clears, we see a plane and what appears to be two figures standing before it - one with a look of indifference in her features and the other with a look of painful longing.
"Please, Helga. Why does it have to be this way? Why don't you want me by your side, little sister?" asked, the taller figure, her beige hat swirling in the wind. She was looking down longingly into the blue eyes before her, her face contorted in a painful expression.
"Because I can't stand you being here with me!" shouted the other towards the tall figure hovering above her. "You're ruining my life! Why can't you see that? Why? Ever since the day you were born you've tormented and meddled into my very existence. I can't stand it anymore Olga! I just… I just can't…" she ended in a low voice, dropping her chin below her neckline.
"If… if you think things will be for the better this way," she started, her long dress flowing with the gentle tide of the winds. "I'll let you be then… little sister," she finished as she walked her way up the staircase and into oblivion.
"Olga…" said the other, looking over as the steps to the airplane were taken away. As the sound of the jet engine screamed into her ears, a feeling of regret and impending doom rose into her very being. "It must be the chill," she said before making her way back into the airport building. Stopping mid-step, she turned around to see the plane take off into the air before turning and continuing her steps.
Before she could make those final steps however, a shrill scream and a sudden burst of explosion made her change her mind. The force was so grand she could feel her feet vibrating over the flat surface of the floor. So much so that she had to force her body to keep up in balance. Time stopped as her head made each degree of movement towards the sound of the blast. "No," her voice screamed into her mind. "Please… god, no!" Turning around, she witnessed the scene of her worst nightmare.
A flare of light was all that could be seen of the explosion as its form deteriorated into the foggy air. Screams were erupted from various witnesses in the surrounding areas. "Call the police… the fireman… anyone!" screamed a lady with her two children close behind. "My husband was on that plane," yelled another, her own baby cradled within her arms. "Mommy, what's happening," asked a child no more than two years old as she looked up at her father. He could only stare on in shock.
Moments later, the sounds of sirens could be heard throughout the thick air of the painful scene. It was later confirmed that there were no survivors. A technical malfunction in the craft they had called it. A great deal of lives had been taken away, not to mention families separated.
~*/end of flashback sequence*~
Wiping the tears from her eyes, she could only shiver throughout the memory. "I never… I never got to say goodbye." She said shaking in her chair. "I've lost so much. Everyone I've loved… everyone, gone. It's all my fault… all my fault," she called out to no one in particular. "Why didn't I tell her not to go?! Why couldn't I have just…? Why?!" she screamed into the air. She stiffened at the feel of two warm arms enclosing her body into them. Looking up, she saw warm hazel eyes, once cold and frightening.
"Helga…" said the doctor in a soothe and calming voice. "There's nothing you can change about the past. You can only look forward to the future. Understand this as I tell you. You can only learn. You can never get back your dear sister, but… she will always be in your heart," she said as she gently rocked away the loneliness within the child-like being within her embrace.
"I feel so alone," she said closing her eyes and allowing the tears to swim across her face, splashing down upon her arms. "Everyone keeps leaving me, all for my stupid mistakes!" she screamed. "First my parents, thought they were never really there, then Olga, then Arnold, and finally everyone!"
"Arnold?" asked the doctor in confusion. "You've never mentioned an Arnold before," she said looking down at the girl.
She remained silent for a moment, her breathing short and wavering with each breath. "He…" she started with a coarse voice. "I guess you could say he was another mistake. A jewel I had left to wonder off and away."
"I'm taking it this was a close love?" she asked as she stepped back, wiping away the streaks of liquid from the girl's cheeks.
"You could say that," she answered placing her palms within her lap. "He was one of two people that were always there for me. He would always be there for me telling me what to do. Not in the way as domineering, but… as guidance. He'd always let me know when I was wrong, no matter how much I hounded him down for it. No matter how much I dug down deep into his pride to let him know how I felt towards it. But… it was all a wall I had set up, right from the very beginning.
"I couldn't show love. How could you show something you've never had your entire life?" she asked herself. "How could I possibly give someone something I myself have never received before? So the day I met him… the only thing I had close by me to show him how I felt towards him was my wall of anger. I would toss anything by him that would make him turn his way. I was never good enough for him. This I knew. I used this knowledge to turn him away. I wanted him to turn away.
"How could I keep someone like him by my side? Like encompassing a shadow over a bright star. I wouldn't dare bother him with my problems. I couldn't bare it. He had enough as it was. Never having parents. The only memories of them were brief glimpses into the past. I couldn't force upon him something that he might never want or come to understand.
"Oh, how long I wanted to tell him. Wanted to show him I loved him and cared for him more than anything I had ever known. I'd been in love with him ever since I can remember. There was this time though… When we were in our last year of high school together, I thought I saw my chance. I knew it was the only way and the only time."
~*flashback sequence begins*~
The halls of P.S. 120 were covered in students as the first bell to start off the day rang with a burst of energy. Students running amuck down the halls with not a care in the world while others were wondering aimlessly whilst attempting to figure out their schedules.
"This is the day!" yelled a girl with blond hair running past her shoulders. "This is the day I tell him!" She practically gleamed towards her friend, thrusting her fist into the air.
"Tell whom what, Helga?" asked her brunette friend.
"Tell the man I pine for just how I feel towards him," she said as she kissed an object in her hand.
"Oooh… do tell girl," pruned the other, awaiting her friend's bait for new gossip. "This is a first," thought Megan with a giggle. "To know Helga of all people admittedly shows affection for a male counterpart is news to me!" she thought with a grin. She had only known the girl for her boyish nature. Always arising wherever baseball, wrestling, or other boyish sports were concerned. She had never openly allowed herself to be close to or even appear to be close to a guy of the opposite sex, aside from the numerous plays she had taken part in.
"That's for me to know, my dear friend," she answered musically as she strolled down the halls with her friend tagging along side her. A shrill scream made her stop in her tracks, turning around to see what disaster had come upon one of the students of P.S. 120. "Hey, Megs. Let's check this out. Could be another locker hyste," stated Helga as she and her friend both scattered on towards the scene.
"I don't think so," answered Megan as she looked on into the crowd. "Oh, how beautiful," she started looking dreamily over to the couple before her.
"What are you talking about, Megs? How can a locker prank be…?" Suddenly her words faltered as she took in the scene before her. There standing next to the locker was Nerissa Cambel. Part-time model, long brown hair, green eyes, light tan, a fairly high figure, she was the perfect picture of any males eyes. There she was holding a bouquet of roses. And who else was standing beside her other than a certain blond-haired, blue-eyed young man, his football-shaped head long gone past the age of adolescence.
"I can't believe it. After all these years of him liking her, he finally asked her out," said Megan with heart-filled eyes. Little did she know of the pain emanating within her partner's heart. "Don't you think so," she asked while finally turning towards her friend of whom she realized was no longer there.
She ran as fast as she could down the halls, tears flying behind her in the wind. "Why," she asked herself. "Why did he have to choose her over me?" "Maybe because you didn't allow yourself to open up to him," her mind registered to her. "But I tried…" she told herself. "Tried? Or simply just gave up?" it questioned. "I don't know… I just don't know. And now… it's too late. It's far too late. I'll never find another like him again. I can't try anymore. I just can't," she finished with a sob.
~*/end of flashback*
"So long. I waited so long before I finally told him. Told him my true feelings for him. But it was too late. Much too late," she ended, her face contorted in painful shame.
"It's okay, Helga. It's okay," the doctor soothed into Helga's hair. She had again taken her into her comforting embrace moments between the recollection began to unfold. "The more you talk about it and the more you let out will help. You'll see… eventually. Who knows, maybe this will give you the power you need to move on with your life," she said as she moved a tendril of hair out and away from the girl's face.
"I hope so, doctor. I honestly hope so." She said before hugging her tightly.
A sudden blast of alert made them jump out of their seats. "D#$n, it Dianne! Why don't you get that machine fixed," shouted the doctor, loud enough for the girl on the other side to hear. "Please, excuse me, Helga," she began before moving over to her desk. Pressing the button with fierce determination she bellowed into the receiver, "what is it now, Dianne?!"
"S… sorry, mam," began the timid secretary. "But your next patient is here waiting for her appointment."
"Tell her I'll be ready for her in a few minutes," she said before removing her finger. Looking towards the girl before her, the indignant look was again replaced with a look of care and nurture towards the "child". "I'm sorry, Helga, but it appears our time has been cut short," she said moving away from her desk.
"I'm sorry I've taken up so much of your time, doctor," she began before being interrupted by the gentle woman before her.
"Please, it's nothing. And you may call me Anne from now on," the doctor stated before opening up the door to her office.
Slipping her bag over her shoulder, Helga moved towards the door to make her departure. Before leaving however, she took the doctor in a tight embrace. "Thank you, doc… Anne," she corrected herself. "For being there and listening."
"Think nothing of it my child," she said as she too hugged her back. "And remember to set up another appointment with Dianne. I want to see you back here again."
"Oh, I will. Trust me, I will," she said before leaving.
Outside the doctor's office, a similar patient was wondering the entrance of the Düsterheit building. "…this isn't right!" he screamed as his friend made his way into the building, tagging him along.
Helga could only look on in amazement as she walked past them, a smile on her face. It was good to finally get that out of her system after having it built up for so long. Walking out into the sunny atmosphere, she pondered on what was to come. Would she ever overcome her past? Would she be able to face the future with a clear mind?
End of part three
* Ahh… I loved Anne of Green Gables? :P
** Tried to make this one slightly longer and more compelling to read. Though my eyes are taking on a fierce red appearance. JK J
*** More information is given into Helga's dramatic past. Some events from the show have been left off and altered as you can clearly see. This is of course a work of fiction… :P Please all Olga lovers… don't flame me! I want to live to see another day. J
**** Lastly, and most importantly, thank you to all who have reviewed my story thus far. I know it really touched many of you in various ways. Please remember though that actions taking place in this story should not be taken out amongst yourself. Thanks to you reviewers for reminding me of that fact. It's hard dealing with the pain at times, but even harder when you feel as though you have to go at it alone, no matter how many of those are around you… one can still feel alone in a crouded room. I'm not even prepared to go into my own experience with this little fact. So, until next time…
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