DISCLAIMER: Boyflea is feeling frisky and this story is
intentionally silly. No offence to the offendable.
Confessions
Hagrid stared
at the naked Ron and the giggling Hermione.
"What the hell are
you two up to?" he bellowed, feeling rather silly as he did so.
"Sorry Hagrid,
we were, well, sort off…" mumbled Ron, getting his robe back on quickly.
"Oh, we are in
love Hagrid – can't you leave us alone for a bit." smiled Hermione. The courage
potion seemed to have gone to her head and in her drunken state, she felt
completely detached from her surroundings like it was all a bad dream. Despite
the embarrassment and fear Ron felt, he also warmed to those words of affection
buried somewhere in Hermione's ramblings.
"Ach. Get out
the pair of yer – you'll be putting my babies off their feed," he muttered.
As the two
left, Hagrid's face broke into an enormous and sadistic grin; "Oh, they grow up
so very fast." he explained to his pets. Hagrid remembered his youth and had
many a sneaky fling with a Hufflepuff called Marigold. Lost in his reverie, he
almost leapt out of his skin when Ginny Weasley and the rest of her Gryffindor
and Ravenclaw friends bustled in for their lesson. 'I wonder sometimes if the kids
don't know more than me nowadays' thought Hagrid as he settled them down to
start the lesson.
Hermione and
Ron walked back in silence. Hermione was feeling quite unwell and Ron was
dreadfully embarrassed.
"I'm sorry
Hermione," he kept saying.
"Aw forget it
Ron. Let's pretend it never happened, okay?" whimpered Hermione, clutching her
head.
Ron let these
words sink in, each one hurting him deeply. "Fine by me." he sneered and left
Hermione to make her own way back to the lesson.
"Ron?" she asked,
but he was gone.
The next lesson
was History. Harry sat between the pair amiably. Ron was jovial with Harry but
Hermione seemed terribly sad. Harry suspected that Ron and Hermione had failed
to hit it off, so kept the topics of conversation neutral.
At the end of
the lesson, Hermione made up an excuse
that she had promised to help Professor McGonagall with some extra assignment
this afternoon and when Harry and Ron left, she fled to Moaning Myrtle's loo
and burst into tears.
The deserted
toilet was her little sanctuary and Hermione allowed herself to breakdown. The
ghost of Myrtle watched her. "You think you're upset? I've spent all day trying
to flush myself into the lake again. I figured that if somehow I could commit
suicide a second time, it would free me from this endless misery. But I can't
even do that anymore. So you think you've got problems. Ha."
"Oh, shut up!"
whimpered Hermione, beaten into submission by this barrage of misery. It did
however clear her head. "Why did I do it Myrtle? I've known Ron has liked me
for ages, so why did I have to go mad and look up yet another spell?"
"Boys eh? Can't
say I see many of them myself anymore. Not that I'd want to. Never had a proper
boyfriend, and I never even kissed one properly. I died totally unloved, not
that you'd care."
"Oh Myrtle!
Please! I'm not in the mood."
"I spent three
years chasing Peeves trying to get a kiss, just to see what it was like. Total
waste of time of course – he flushed me down the loo when I finally cornered
him in here. Typical."
Hermione dried
her eyes and checked herself in the mirror. "I'm really late for my next
lesson, so I've got to go Myrtle."
"Hey, it was
nice of you to visit."
"Yeah, ok, whatever.
Sorry, I've got to go." flustered Hermione, her head finally cleared of any
spell effects, leaving only a deep sense of dread in having to see Ron again.
"You are really
pretty Hermione. Ron will like you as you are. Even though you find strength in
words and spellbooks, there really is no need to hide behind them all the
time," sighed Myrtle.
Hermione
paused. "Thankyou Myrtle." She added, stunned at the kind words of concern.
"Just take care
Hermione. Love is something to be grabbed hold of whilst you still can. Look at
me – I missed my opportunity and have hated myself ever since."
"Oh Myrtle."
"Yes, well,
promise me you won't end up like me is all." smiled Myrtle, almost embarrassed
at her own words. Hermione stared at her. Myrtle was renowned for being such a
miserable pain in the bum that this caring image somehow did not suit her.
"What?" said
Myrtle. "I have had to endure years of girls coming in here and crying their
eyes out, mostly over boys, their so-called weight problems and bullies. You
learn a few things, see a few patterns. It's a hobby of mine, other people's
misery."
"Really? You
help others too?" asked Hermione, venturing back into the room.
"Well, I don't
see it as helping. I just tell them what I've heard before."
"Really?"
"Well, look.
Ginny's been in here, going on about ending it all, and I told her it's not
worth it. That Cho Chang – used to be huge when she started. Everyone was
picking on her and she came up here. I said to her 'you call that a weight
problem? You're not the one that gets blown away on a windy day!' She laughed
and now she sorted out her depression and eating habits and believe Harry and
every other boy in Hogwarts fancies her now."
"Is that true?"
asked Hermione, fascinated. Myrtle had never really figured in her thoughts
much before now.
"Well, no. I
don't really get blown away in the wind. Passes through me and gives me the
bizarre urge to pee. Which I cannot, of course. The living just don't understand.
And here I am again, a dead failure of a living girl telling a living girl to
start living and stop being dead stupid."
Hermione
smiled. "Cheers Myrtle."
"Yeah. Just
conjure me up a dashing boy ghost to give us a snog sometime soon, okay?" shrugged
Myrtle as Hermione left.
Hermione left,
feeling overwhelmed with the desire to set things right between her and Ron.
"So, what
happened between you two at lunchtime then?" asked Harry, nudging Ron. They
were in with Hagrid, who kept giving Ron a foul look.
"Well, we were…
we got all cuddly like."
"Aye – you
could say that," muttered Hagrid as he ambled past. "And where's Hermione now?
Ashamed to show her face no doubt."
Ron went bright
red and Hagrid left them, chuckling to himself.
"What did you
get up to Ron?" gasped Harry, impressed at Ron's notoriety.
"Well, you know
how it is Harry?" said Ron, suddenly acting all nonchalant.
Harry cocked
his head. "Yeah right. Hermione is not like that at all."
"Well, if you
had been there, you would have been amazed at how differently she acts around
me."
"Yeah right. 'Ron
the Maestro' speaks does he?"
"Well of course
my dear 'Never-Had-It Potter'," sneered Ron.
Harry shot him
a black look. "What?"
"Me and Hermione
were in here, all over each other like wild animals. If Hagrid hadn't come in
when he did, I'd have done it a third time with Hermione."
Harry burst out
laughing. "Yeah Ron. Whatever."
"No It's true!"
pleaded Ron.
"Oh is it
really?" said a voice behind them. Harry and Ron turned and saw Hermione
standing there, eyes blazing like furious comets at Ron.
"Oh, hi
Hermione." smiled Ron weakly.
…