The Cloud Saga
An incredibly funny fanfic with a little romance tucked in(sour!!!!)
The story starts in Midgar, right after the defeat of Sephiroth. Aeris got revived by the Phoenix who made a cameo and Cloud did a spit-take when she appeared in the door. They went for a grand night on the town, but it turns out that a Shinra soldier, Willu B. There had revived the Shinra empire and had ambushed Cloud and Aeris. The night ended abruply. Next morning, we begin our story…….
Cloud: (stretches and yawns)What a great sleep!!(falls off bed)OW!!! Oh shit, this is the wrong side of the bed!!!!
(Knock) Cloud lives in an apartment.
Cloud: Coming, coming
(Cloud puts on his clothes and races to the door)
Aeris: Hello Cloud!
Cloud: Aeris!! Hi!!! Uh……came to visit?
Aeris: Well….not exactly…..come into the hall….
Cloud: (runs into hall)good lord!
(SHINRA HAD TAKEN OVER THE APARTMENT!!!!)
Cloud: Not good(pulls out Buster Sword)What do you want you slugs??
Willu: We want your body….
Cloud: Never!
Aeris: Fire 3!!!
Willu: Crap!!!! It's hot! RETREAT!!!!!!!!
(they retreat)
Cloud: Good job Aeris!
Aeris: Don't flatter me, Cloud.
(Cloud and Aeris get closer……)
Barret: Mornin' Cloud!
Cloud: Dya! Barret! Hi!
Barret: I jes' saw Shinra run out an' leave their asses here. They botherin' you?
Cloud: You could say that.
Barret: They looked like they were on fire or somethin'. You usin' Materia?
Cloud: 'twas Aeris.
Aeris: It was nothing, really.
Barret: Oh yeah, Aeris. The cheerful one
Aeris: the grumpy one
Barret: Aw hell, I'm outta here, gonna get myself drunk an' then kick the concience outta some Shinra…….c ya Cloud.
Cloud: ok, see ya later Barret.
Aeris: Shinra is being revived……….
Cloud: Yeah, I know. Look, Aeris, I need to hack into to Shinra's database….can I have some time alone?
Aeris: Of course Cloud! See you later! (Aeris leaves)
Cloud: (Goes in and turns on laptop)If I recall, the password is 532386…………AHA! Got it! Now, let's see……….alright! Here we go….Willu B. There is the new president………not related to Shinra………….holy *&%*&%%! He's renaming Shinra There! Hoo man. This is weird. Let's see……………………ARMY OF 5000???????????? I gotta get to the others!!!!!
(later, at a "meeting in Midgar")
Cloud: Shinra…rather There……has an army of 5000
Red XIII: A revival
Barret: yeah(hic)sic bastards. They should(hic)take a(hic)toxic bath.
Aeris: Should we stop them?
Cloud: Not yet Aeris. Right now we have to buy the best weapons money can buy and THEN get Shin-I mean There…….
Tifa: Cloud, just call it Shinra(shoots a sharp glance at Aeris)
Cloud: Right, Shinra. Now let's go get em'
(cheers erupt)
Barret: (hic)I'm(hic)goin' to my(hic)'partment.(hic)see you(hic)later.
Cloud: C ya Barret.
Aeris: Cloud………..wanna go for a walk?
Cloud: Okay………..
Aeris: I was thinking……
Cloud: About what?
Aeris: This might be dangerous.
Cloud: Don't get all mushy on me Aeris….
Aeris: Sorry. Is'nt the park beautiful??
Cloud: Yeah…….
Aeris: (whispers)watch out, there's Shinra soldiers(whispers)
Cloud: Oh, okay. OOOOOOF!!!!!(trips on rock)
Cloud: Ca you gedd ee off gound?
Aeris: Okay(helps Cloud up)
Cloud: thanks…….gotta realign my nose, hold on(crack)ah..there we go…..
Shinra Soldier: Hey, isn't that Cloud Strife??? You know, the one boss told us to get?
Shinra Soldier 2: Yeah! GET HIM!!!!!!
Cloud: Uh oh. Aeris, stand back(pulls out sword)
(later, the Shinra soldiers lay on the ground)
Cloud: Phew……
Aeris: Cloud……
Cloud: What?
Aeris: Nothing………
Cloud: Kay…..let's get to the Weapon Shop.
Aeris: Alright
(at the weapon shop)
Seller: You get your weapons ya, and you sell your cheese ya, and meets you celebrities, ya, and you got ambushed by Shinra!!!!!!!
Cloud: WHAT??????
(5 Shinra Soldier jump from ceiling)
(later, the soldier are dead……..)
Aeris: Wow Cloud.
Cloud: Nothin' at all, that was.
(they leave)
Aeris: Do you like me?
Cloud: Huh?
Aeris: Do you like me?
Cloud: uh yeah…….
Aeris: okay…
Cloud: Lemons….
Aeris: Sour……..
Cloud: we are straying off-topic!
Aeris: Oh yeah……..
Cloud: SO, read any good books lately?
Aeris: Great Romances of the 24th Century
Cloud: (blushes) let's go back…
Aeris: Cloud?
Cloud: Yeah??
(Aeris grabs Cloud and kisses him)
Cloud: Aeris……….
Aeris: Glad the Phoenix came?
Cloud:………very………..
(they return to Midgar)
Barret: 'Lo Cloud. Got bad news.
Cloud: What???
Barret: MISTER Willu B. There has trained MORE soldiers….his army is now 10000.
Cloud: WHA??????
Barret: Also, he seems to have been eating cheese lately………(Cloud falls on face)Cloud? You okay?
Aeris: He's in shock(Aeris giggles)see ya Barret…
Barret: Huh???? I'm confused………..oh damn…here goes another Phoenix Down……….
Cloud: Ugh……….where am I????? AAAAAAAAKKKKKK!!!!!!
Barret: What's wrong?
Cloud: I'm on Mars! Aliens!!!!
Barret: Who you callin' an alien??
Cloud: Oh……..sorry……Barret…..
Barret: You ok?(helps Cloud up)
Cloud: Yeah fine……but……….let's get to attacking Shinra………I'm gonna look for Ultima Weapon, you look for your Ultimate Weapon.
Barret: Okay……
Cloud: Right.
(later, another "meeting in midgar"){these are held at my apartment in Cloud's apartment building}
Cloud: Does everybody have their Ultimate Weapons?
Aeris: Not me, I'm using my Princess Guard.
Cloud: Oh well, you mainly use magic anyway.
Tifa: I do.
Red XIII: As do I.
Cid: I got my trusty Venus Gospel!
Barret: Ya, I do.
Yuffie: I do, I do! I also know that you like Aeris, Cloud!
(Aeris and Cloud blush)
Cloud: Shut UP, Yuffie!
Yuffie: You!
Cloud: You!
Yuffie: You!
Cloud: Alright, it's settled. You!!!!!
Vincent: I have my Ultimate Weapon, the Death Penalty.
Cloud: Alright, then, let's destroy Shinra!
(CHEERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!){Yay!!!!!!!!!!}
(They set off for Shinra HQ again…….)
They kill several thousand Shirnra…….
Soon, they meet Willu
Willu: Back for a rematch, eh? You sick bastards!
Cloud: HEY!! Who you callin' sick bastards?(pulls out Buster Sword)
Willu: You don't scare me.
Cloud: Omnislash!!!!!
Willu: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-
Aeris: What bad language!
Willu: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
(Cloud pinned Willu on the wall)
Cloud: You *^&%***. I oughta ****^^%*( you!
Willu: Errrggh….Shinra….is dead…….
Cloud: Just like you…….
(Willu dies)
Aeris: Cloud……
Cloud: It's a done deal. Let's go back.
Aeris: Right.
(Everyone but Aeris and Cloud leaves)
Aeris: Ever thought about getting……married?
Cloud: Don't be silly, Aeris we are much too young…..wait 'till we are in our thirties.
Aeris: Okay……
Cloud: Besides, I think Sephiroth will come back. I feel him…come on, let's get back an' celebrate…
Aeris: On your arm…
Cloud: Right….On my arm…….