Lasagna 3: why the X-men should move to Kentucky
Summary: Scott finds out just how much his dad used to sleep around.
Disclaimer: Marvel owns everyone I don't. You should be able
to tell who belongs to who.
Authors note: If you are from Kentucky, please don't take offense
at the title. Unless your name is Christine. MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
"" = talking
** = sound effects
Jean and Scott sat in the lab, anxciously waiting for Hank to
finish. They had brought Rachel down for some tests.
Hank walks back into the room.
"I've finished the test, but before I tell you the results,
would you mind telling me what's wrong again, Scott?"
"Well, she isn't the sharpest bulb in the pod. er, I mean-"
"She's stupid." Jean said. "Why?"
"well, Scott, your father spent a lot of time away from home
before, and now with his being in space..."
"What's my dad have to do with anything?
"Youandjeanarebrotherandsister." Hank yelled, and
flinched, hoping they would kill him before he had to tell them
the rest.
"WHAT?!" Scott yelled.
"Well, it does make sense. It explains the arm growing out
of her head, anyway." Jean calmly said.
Suddenly Remy bursts into the room.
"Scott, Remy be yo' brother."
"Scott, Jan, I am also your brother." Ororo said, then
kissed Kurt. Batwoman appears, bitch slaps her, and disapears.
"But your a girl!"
"Uh, jean," Hank interjects, "that's not exactly..."
"Guess what, my nipple just got bit off by a beaver."
Warren said.
Sinister apears, yells, "I can't let you contaminate the
mutant blood suply with your stupidity!" Shoots Warren, and
leaves.
They all sit for a minute, thinking how strange Warren was.
*BAM BAM BAM*
Jean gets up and opens the door. Rachel walks in, and keeps
walking till she hits one of the chairs. Jean sits back down, and
Rachel keeps walking into the chair.
Nate and bobby run into the room and Sinister materializes again.
"*heavy breathing* Scott, I am your brother. *more heavy
breathing*"
"Uh, why are you talking like that?"
"Missed the bus...had to...run...to...get here."
"Whoa, Sinister's Scott's brother?"
"And Jean's, and Remy's, and Ororo's, and-" Hank stops
"-aren't you suposed to be waxing the Blackbird?"
"Uh-"
Cathy runs into the room.
"Scott, your dad's here."
Jarrod runs into the room.
"Hank, Sue and Franklin are here, and she looks pissed."
"Oh my stars and garters."
They all step over Warren's body and run up to the living room,
where Sue is yelling at Corisair. Batwoman sat on the couch,
holding the crying Franklin.
"You asshole! You haven't payed any child support for six
years! I'm sueing your ass!"
"Sue, let me explain, I was in space and-"
"And nothing! He's your son and you haven't even come to see
him."
"I was in space! And how were you going to explain to Reed?"
"It would have been better than him finding the tapes!"
Scott faints.
Hank nervously clears his throaght.
"Um, Corisiar?" He asks, "could you come here for
a second?"
"Why? I'm busy!"
"It's about your other children-"
"You found out about Cable?"
"No..."
"WHAT?!"
"Uh, Hi, Cable! nothing."
Jean's trying to wake up Scott and keep Rachel from sticking her
tounge in a light socket, while Hank talks to Corisair in the
corner. Kurt walked over and sat next to Batwoman.
"You aren't a Summers, are you?" she asked him.
"No..."
"Goody!" She leans over and starts kissing him.
Franklin gets off the couch and watches as they begin to...you
know.
"Mommy, why're they doin' that?"
"Because they love each other."
"Oh. Does that mean you love unca Jonny an' unca Ben?"
"Bobby and Steph?! Jarrod?!" Corisair yelled from the
corner.
Cathy walked up to Jarrod and hugged him. "This means our
baby's gonna be a Summers."
Jarrod smilled, for a minute, then stopped. "Baby?"
Cathy giggles. "Oh, did I forget to tell you?"
"She isn't a Summer's, is she? We don't want some freak like
Rachel."
Fortunately for him, Jean was to busy trying to keep Rachel from
sticking a knife in the toaster to kill him.
Logan walks into the room.
"Corisair, I am your father."
"Well, that's a coincidence, 'cause Corisair's your father."
The Insane Bunny Rabbit, purely because she didn't make an
apearance in theis story yet, walks in and puts to words what
they all are thinking.
"So you're Scott and Jean's dad, and Ororo, Bobby, Jarrod,
Remy, and Franklin are your sons. And Cable's your son, which
means you slept with a clone of your daughter while she was
married to your son. And Logan's your father, and you're Logan's
father."
"Right."
"This is wrong on so many levels."