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Lasagna 5: Binky

Author's notes: Here it is, the fifth Lasagna story. One more and I'm done with this series. This also happens to be my first time actualy puttting the HTML in myself instead of using frontpage, so try ont to get to mad if I made any mistakes. If you happen to have any ideas I can use to fill some space in the next one, e-mail me at firefly254@hotmail.com.

Disclaimer: I own my characters, Marvel owns theirs, and I used so many movie and sci-fi references in here I'm not even gonna try credit their owners.

sinister's lab, late one night...
A dark figure crept slowly through the dark lab, humming softly the Mission Impossible theme. Darkly. They tiptoed quietly into Sinister's bedroom, took the item they desired, and left. Unfortunately, the door needed to be oiled.
"CCCRRRRRREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAKKKKKK!"
"Shit."
"Hey, no cursing, this stories only PG."
"Oh, sorry."
Sinister rolled over in bed.
"But I don't wanna get up yet mommy. evil medical school doesn't start for another hour!" he wined in his sleep.
"There really is an evil medical school? I thought Dr. Evil just made that up."
The next morning...
Sinister picked up his phone and hit memory three.
"Yes, hello, I'd like an extra large pizza, with anchovies, pineapple, green peppers, mushrooms, and squid. No, I don't want pepperoni. it's disgusting, that's why. And if it's not here in thirty minutes, I'll let my cat out. Yes, you should be afraid of it. Because it's not a normal cat, that's why. Thank you."
He hung up the phone and pressed memory four.
"Toad? I need to talk to Magneto. This is Magneto? I'm sorry, you sound like Toad. Well maybe you should have a lozenge then. No, I'm not trying to make fun of you, it just comes naturally. No, no, don't hang up, there's a reason I called. Someone took something very important from me last night. No, I can't tell you what it is right now. Because there are people reading this. I don't know how many, but it's more than I want to tell about this. One hour? Fine."
one hour later...
*Doorbell plays 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'*
"Oh, good. The pizza must be here." he pulled out a calculator, then added angrily, "half-an-hour late!"
He opened the door "It's about time! Uh, you're not the pizza guy."
"gee, how'd ya' see through my disguise, Einstein?"
"There's no reason to be rude."
"yeah, yeah, yeah, I got your Victoria's Secret order here, where ya' want it?"
After making sure that no one was around he grabbed the box and disappeared into his bedroom.
30 minutes later...
Sinister answers the door, wearing a wonder bra and thong on top of his usual clothes.
"Speedy pizza."
"Speedy?! Ha! You're an hour late!"
"Yeah, whatever. Just pay and shut up."
"Insolence! I shall unleash my cat on you!"
"Oooh, I'm shakin'."
"SABERTOOTH!"
Sabertooth stomps into the room and growls, the pizza guy runs in terror.
"Good kitty. Here, have an anchovy."
Sabertooth eats the anchovy and starts to purr.
"Meow."
*Doorbell plays 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'*
"Maggy, baby! Come in, come in!"
"Um, Nathan?"
"Yes?"
"Why does your doorbell play 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'?"
"Oh, uh, it does? I hadn't noticed." he said, then added under his breath "Curse them! I told them I wanted 'Puff the Magic Dragon'."
"Oh. Then why are you wearing woman's underwear?"
"I'm almost two hundred, do you have any idea how hard it is for me to get a woman?!"
"Um...but why are you wearing that?"
"Moving on...we must find the culprits that stole this very important item from me!"
Magneto thinks for a minute, but decides he doesn't really want to know the answer.
"Right, then we shall begin at the middle!"
"Um, don't you mean the beginning?" Sinister asks, adjusting his bra.
"Yes, yes, that. Round up the usual suspects!"
"But...we are the usual suspects."
"Oh. Then round up the unusual suspects!"
"Alrighty then!" Sinister says, sounding way to much like Jim Carry for this story's own good.
a galaxy far away, an alternate universe, or possibly Indiana...
The announcers voice blared over the loudspeakers. Why there was an announcer nobody knew, since this was practice, but the was an announcer, so deal.
"And it's a beautiful Midnight this Wednesday, February 31. And here comes Jeff Gordon, with Magneto close behind...above...behind...above...Hey, Jimbo, ain't that against the rules?"
"No, Bob."
"We need to fix them rules. Here comes Quicksilver, in car number...number...Jimbo?"
"He ain't in no car."
"Now I'm sure that's against the rules."
Suddenly Bishop appeared in the room.
"Whose's he?"
"I'm, uh, I'm..."
Cable appears, hits him in the head, and leaves.
"Oh, yeah. I'm Bishop, and this world isn't supposed to exist."
"Why ain't it supposed to exist?"
"Uh, cause...It just isn't, that's why! Now play nice or I'll go tell my mommy!"
Cable comes and hits him again, then hands one of the announcers his card and leaves.
"What's it say?"
"Cable, a.k.a. Nathan Christopher Asikanison Dayspring Summers, time traveler, coffee addict, T.O. specialist, antiques dealer, and manicurist exstrordinar."
"I membered why this world isn't aposed to exist!" Bishop shouted happily.
"Why?"
"'Cause Bunny traveled back in time and made Magneto become a sumo wrestler, then she became a Playboy bunny."
"And that should bother us because...?"
"'Cause I know what you did last summer."
"Okaaaay...So what did we do last summer?"
"Um...I don't know what you did last summer, but I have a pretty good idea, and as soon as I destroy this timeline we're gonna have a little talk."
But it was to late, because suddenly Bishop disappeared, the world exploded, HAL wouldn't let Dave do that, all the dolphins disappeared, and the dish ran away with the spoon.
Back at the mansion...
Scott was in the living room singing 'Stayin' Alive' into a hair brush. Batwoman walks into the room holding a little blue-furred baby, with two little blue-furred kids behind her.
"What are you doing?"
Scott tossed the brush and accidentally smashed the TV screen, then jumped so high he hit his head on the fan.
"Iwasn'tsinging'Stayin'Aliver'IhatetheBeegeeshonestdoIlooklikeI'mlieing?BoyIsuremissJean.Wowyouhavethreekids?OhshitIhavethreekidstoo.Youhaven'tseenthemhaveyou?I'vegottahidethissucks.OhwaitasecBobbyandthewriterarewatchingthem.IguessthatmeansI'moffthehook.Idon'tseehowtheycanstandthemIhavetroublebeingaroundthem.Where'sKurt?DidhegotothestorewithNathan?OhshitweletNathangogetthegroceries.He'sgonnacomebackwithfivehundredbucksworthofcoffee.Ididn'tmeantodrinkthelastgallonofhis.AmItalkingtofast?Ithinkit'srealyanoyingwhenpeopletalksofastyoucan'tunderstandthemdon'tyou?"
Scott's face turned dark blue and he fell down.
Steph turned around and looked down at the two kids behind her. "That's why you can't drink coffee."
"But uncle Nate doesn't do that."
"Well, your uncle Scott's a stupid...um, you aren't ready for that word. Here, this should explain it." She said, and handed them two CD's.
"What're these?"
"Eminem. He sings about your uncle Scott a lot." the two BAMF out of the room just as Scott's kids run in.
"DADDY!"
Scott comes to just as they jump on him.
"Why me?!" he demands of no one in particular.
"Why you what?" I ask him.
"Why does everyone hate me?!" he cries.
"Not everyone hates you, what about...um...nevermind, everyone does hate you."
"But why?!"
Madelyne Pryor walks in.
"I hate you because you abandoned me and your son tom go fight evil."
"But-"
Jean walks in.
"I hate you because your my brother and I had a kid with you."
"But that wasn't my fault- wait a minute, aren't you dead?"
"um...uh...I...I have to go." she said and disappeared.
Cable walks into the room.
"I hate you because you drank my last gallon of coffee."
"I-"
Nate walks into the room.
"I hate you because you wear blue and yellow all the time."
"What the-"
Bobby walked into the room and tapped me on my shoulder.
"um, isn't this story supposed to have a plot?"
"Oh, yeah. thanks."
Ororo walked into the room and hit Scott with a bolt of lightning.
"Why'd you do that? We need him later in the story!"
"Sorry."
The pile of Dust the Scott turned into suddenly turns back into Scott.
"Hey, how's he whole again?"
"unstable molecules."
Everyone accepted this, so they all went into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. On the way there the doorbell rang, so Remy answered it.
"Who is it, Gambit?"
"Magneto and Sinister."
"Okay, let them in."
Kurt BAMFed in and hit Scott on the head.
"They're bad, you idiot."
"Oh well."
Sinister look around and spots Bunny.
"There you are, fiend!"
"Um, I didn't do it."
"oh, okay."
Sinister and Magneto turn to leave.
"Hey, wait a minute..."
Sinister turns back around.
"What're you holding behind your back?"
Bunny reluctantly pulls out the teddy bear she was holding behind her back.
"BINKY!"
Magneto glares at Sinister.
"YOU DRAGGED ME AWAY FROM MY LAIR TO GET BACK YOUR TEDDY BEAR?!" he yelled.
"yes."
"Oh, okay, then."
Rogue came into the kitchen.
"ah think ya' have some plot holes in this story."
"Like what?" I ask her.
"Well, ya' didn't remember that ah was supposed to be in this one till now, Scott's kids disappeared ten minutes ago, Professor X and Magneto didn't hook up, Kurt and Steph have a ten year old and a seven year old that weren't in the last story, Jean showed up, and, um, where's my accent?"
"Oh, I got sick of all that ah instead of I. I've lived in the south for years and I've heard almost no one that talks like you."
"That's cause you're from Florida."
"So that makes me not southern?"
"What're you gonna do about it?!"
"I'm the writer, I'll kick your @$$."
"Oh. Let's go get pizza."