Sometimes I think if I touch you will break to pieces, like fragile glass. I know it sounds absurd, you are so strong - the god of the battlefield, the youngest Knight Caeli, the best swordsman in the country. But those titles mean so little to you and yet... they mean everything. That's all you are. Like a shell of a sea creature that withered away a long, long time ago. Beautiful reminder of what has been, caressed by the lazy tide. If I pick it up and hold it to my ear, all I hear are the echoes of the past - not tender whispers of a lover.
I hate my sister with a passion for what she has done, and envy her at the same time. My heart broke for you that day. I read that letter, and every word was like a stab in the chest. Please forgive me. I felt your pain; oh, how I wish I could take it all, rid you of it! But it's no use. I know you better than anyone - better than she ever did. I plead to emptyness, I know. You gave all your love away, and now there's nothing left for me. No warmth, just pity. I hate pity. My father said I lost my mind when I wouldn't even hear about being betrothed to the older heir of Fanelia to merge our borders. But he always knew why, and he hates you for it. Don't you see? I threw it all away for you - my family, my country, my duty, my status. I have nothing left, maybe I'm more like you now. I'm in love with a ghost. So painfully in love I want to scream, but the lump in my throat chokes me.
I'm not jealous of Millerna. She is still a child, and I would cry for her if she felt the same way I do. She loves an imaginary you, an image she created out of her fantasies. She will get over it someday and be happy with her husband, and it makes me only bitter. She will know happiness and life I never had. It's funny, when Folken came to seek refuge in Asturia I watched him and mused at what my life could have been like. He is handsome, smart, and yet - he just makes me think of you. I will never know now, but I regret nothing. If I had a second chance i would do it all over again, because loving you is both my life and my death.
And now - now that the war is over, you sister has come back again for good. When I look into your eyes I can see you are happy to care for her. You remind me of that young man, waiting in the garden for my sister, twirling a forget-me-not in your hand. I would hide behind the curtain, and sob quetly, unable to take my eyes off of you. The way you touch your sister's hand, the way you smile at her - it's real, I can tell. I always could. You gaze at her lovingly, and my heart aches wishing just for once you would look at me that way. I would treasure that moment forever, and it would be enough to make me happy for the rest of my life. My angel.