"We have to dress up like women AND we're going to miss PASSIONS!
Barret and Cid start to weep hysterically.
***************************some time later*************************************
As Barret and Cid are wiping their tears, Cloud finally returns from his little 'shopping trip.'
"Hey guys! I bought your 'supplies'.... Are you guys crying?!"
"No!" Came the firm answer from the couch.
"Well, I got you guys some make-up and stuff, 'cause if both you guys use it, she's gonna notice, and some other...things."
Cloud dumps all of the stuff out of his shopping bags. A motley of make-up, hair accessories, underwear, wigs and cologne come spilling out, along with a short, sequiny, strapless number in Barret's size(How Cloud knew was a mystery...). There was also fake boobies, for reality's sake, not everyone was as stupid as Don Corneo.
"*sigh* That dress is for me right?" Said Barret.
"Yup!" Replied Cloud cheerfully.
"Well I like it!" Exclaimed Cid, "I think it'll really make yer eyes pop!"
Barret glared at him, but Cid didn't notice. Cloud threw the stuff at them.
"Well boys, time to get dressed!"
Cid and Barret went back to their room to get dressed, and slowly slipped the women's garments on.
"Oooh! Silky!" Said Cid as he put on his silk dress.
"I look like a friggin' diva man!" Barret said as he looked at himself in the mirror.
"Ya look great!" And the two men walked out into the living room to get the finishing touches from Cloud. Luckily no one else was home, having taken a trip to Junon for the weekend.
"There you guys are!" Said Cloud, "Time for the make-up!"
Cloud carefully applied lipstick, blush, foundation etc, to Barret and Cid's faces. The end result, was actually not pleasant, they looked like cheap hookers, but considering who he was working with, Barret and Cid looked like super models.
"Have fun!" Cloud called as they walked out the door. Barret and Cid walked out into the cool night, for it was night and thankfully, dark out. Following Cloud's logic from the previous story, they too headed to the bar, looking for some poor, hopefully very drunk sods, whom they could giggle for.
Inside the bar, the dim lighting perfect for the two very ugly ahem...'ladies', who searched around the bar for their drunken sods. There they were, sitting way over in the corner. Their navy suits seemed vaguely familiar, but Barret and Cid just wanted to get this over with, and they walked over to the men, who were, thankfully reeling drunk, drunk as skunks in a bunk....yeah.
"Hi boys!" Said Barret and Cid, fluttering eyelashes and pouting lips.
"Hey! Pretty mamas!" Exclaimed the men, turning around, revealing themselves to be....Reno and Rude! Cid and Barret were pretty taken aback, but continued to try to get their giggles out.
"Buy us some drinks boys and...we'll show yous a good time!"
Barret and Cid had no clue what they were talking about, they had just heard it in a movie somewhere, but apparently Reno and Rude did.
"WoW!" Said Rude, "I want that healthy looking one on the right!"
" I'll take the other one then!" Said Reno.
Barret and Cid were quite surprised at how well those two could speak when they were smashed, but they were also determined to get their giggles out and leave the bar, preferably not with Reno and/or Rude.
"Where's our drink?"
"Who cares about the drink baby!"
"Ahahaha! the pair giggled(finally!), as they looked around desperately for the nearest exit, and there stood Cloud three feet away, with a video camera.
"HA HA HA!" He exclaimed, "I have my revenge!"
His eyes widened as Barret and Cid came after him, spears and gun arms raised. He ran outta there so fast, he would have done the Roadrunner proud. Barret and Cid followed suit, with threats of painful death.
"Hey! Do we know yous from some place?" Called Reno and Rude from their corner. When no one responded, they looked at each other and shrugged, turning back to their drinks.
Back home, Barret and Cid beat the poop and anything else that made up the puddle formerly known as Cloud Strife. However, it was too late, Cloud had already air mailed the letter to their friends in Junon, with a big URGENT sticker on it, and instructions to sell for a high price to a cable company. When their friends received it, they had a good laugh as they watched it, and promptly sold it for a million gil. It became such a hit that the cable company hired Barret and Cid to start a their own show, "let's see how dumb Shinra employees are when they're drunk." They became superstars(and got a roles on Passions!), but thankfully someone found Cloud and revived him, which turned him into a talking puddle.
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Author's note: Heh heh, that was dumb. But I think it's pretty funny too. I dunno, I like the cross dressing thing, it's the funniest thing in the world. Anywhoo, what did you think? Please review! Make em pretty!
-Teg