Chapter Four
Now she was sitting high on a haybale, stacked at the back of the barn, watching the dancers spin and swing. The Awamut Pipe and Brass Band had set up and had been playing steadily for two hours now with the sweat rolling off them - some musicians were beginning to look cross-eyed. The air among the rafters was hot and thick, like a vivid cloud of life rising off the people below; the noise was chaotic and cheerful. It was wonderful to watch. Below her were the refreshment tables, groaning with cakes and sandwiches - her own work had been going pretty fast, which was flattering - and pies and slices and biscuits and sausage rolls and heaping great bowls of cream. There was a fire going outside with three or four young sheep turning on a spit over the coals, and a bigger bonfire roaring up to the sky like a beacon. Cider and applejack brandy were flowing like water; everything smelled pleasantly of fermented apples, including her own breath. The Finns' cider was like liquid golden fire, fierce stuff that lifted you off your feet and made it moot which was lighter, your heart or your head. Soon she was going to want to go outside and breathe some cold air but for now the heat and light inside the barn were wonderful.
She had met even more relatives, all of them smiling, all willing to talk nineteen to the dozen. The quietest one had been Gadeth's father, who did, indeed, look like an older and sterner version of his son. He'd shaken her hand and said she was very welcome and that was about it - it was not that he was unwelcoming, just that, as he saw it, that was all that needed to be said. To Gadeth, he had said 'I'm happy to see you back here.'
'I'm happy to see you too,' Gadeth had replied, and again, that was about it. He relaxed considerably after that exchange, though, and began to look as though he was enjoying himself. She had lost sight of him temporarily, but that was nothing to worry about. In fact, here he came now, ducking past the table with the punchbowl and snagging a mince tart as he went.
'Found you at last - what are you doing up here?' Gadeth clambered up the bales beside her. 'Shove over.' He sat down by her and leaned back against the rough boards of the wall, flushed and cheerful. She leaned on him and rubbed her cheek against his shoulder.
'Are you having fun? I'm sorry I lost you back there - Jonty was dragging me off to the kegs, but I made my excuses.'
'I'm just enjoying watching all of them.'
'Later on I'm definitely getting you down there to dance.'
The hayloft was to one side of them; they could hear a muffled thump and some giggling.
'Ahem,' said Gadeth, and raised one eyebrow. 'You know, we've got a poem for this time of year? Apples are ripe, nuts are brown, petticoats up, trousers down.'
'It's just a shame I'm not wearing petticoats, then.'
'No, come on, be my dirty girl, it's more fun.'
'What, like you can squeeze my apples if I can touch your nuts?'
He half-choked laughing and almost fell off the bale sideways. Serena managed to catch him and drag him back up, and pinched him.
'I'm never going to try to say anything like that again!'
'I liked it, I really did, it was just you know, you have a gift for saying perverted things. I'm going to get you to drink cider more often. Come here and give me a kiss, no-one's watching.' Both being slightly drunk, they were clumsy, but the nice part about being slightly drunk was that clumsiness was enjoyable. Suddenly Gadeth stopped and pulled back; he looked as though he had something on his mind.
'You know what?' he said. 'Let's get married.'
'That's an interesting euphemism, but the hayloft's taken.'
'No, I actually mean let's get married. Do you want to?' He was earnest now, almost sober.
'Yes, very much.' The thumping of her heart had moved up a level.
'That was a really bad proposal, wasn't it?'
'No, I liked it.'
'Thank you, thank you, thank you thank you thank you.' He kissed her for punctuation, then jumped down from the bale, turned and held his arms out to her. 'Come on! We've got to find the minister before he passes out.'
'Wha-aat?'
'I should have rephrased it - let's get married, right now.'
The minister, an almost spherical old man with impressive white hair in a herringbone braid long enough to sit on, and a magnificent gin-blossomy face, grumbled a bit about the fact that there had been no proper banns. Gadeth dealt with that by climbing up on a trestle table, finding space for his feet in amongst dishes and mugs, and yelling at the whole barn 'Everyone shut up and listen!'
Most people obliged, and the rest quietened down when they realised the others had stopped. The band subsided gratefully and panted.
'I'm extremely happy to announce that I've asked Serena Schezar to marry me, and she's said yes.' Cheers and whistles, even from that portion of the crowd who weren't totally sure who Gadeth was, and had no idea who Serena was.
'We want to get the formalities out of the way' - ribald laughter, making Serena blush - 'no, no, shut up, so just for the record, can anyone think of a good reason why we shouldn't get married tonight amongst all you fine people?'
There was a good-humoured chorus of 'No,' 'Feel free' and 'Get on with it!'
'Right. You've had your chance. And given that her brother has told me that if I don't marry her, he'll pull my arms off and hit me with the soggy ends - more or less - I'd like to invite you all to our wedding in - is twenty minutes all right?'
'Fine with me,' said the minister. 'I think you're mad, but you're supposed to humour madmen.'
'Thenkyew!' Gadeth said. 'That's all from me for the moment.' He jumped down and was mobbed by a crowd of his brothers and cousins, in the state of cheerful inebriation where men express congratulations and affection by arm-punching. Serena was snatched up by Miria, who propelled her out of the barn, giggling all the way.
'Congratulations!' she said. 'We've got to get you done up!'
'If I'm going to get married in a barn in front of a lot of drunk people, how done up should I be?' Serena asked. She was a little bit annoyed with Gadeth for making the announcement in that way; or perhaps she was more annoyed with the way people had laughed. More women were pouring out of the barn; she was caught up and hugged by Lil, Mrs Finn, the grandmother, a lot of people she didn't even recognise. They don't even know me and they like me. They just need to know Gadeth likes me. And a wedding, completely spur of the moment, is fine by them - what weird people, but how wonderful.
'Have you got a dress with you, love?' asked Lil.
'No, I left it at home - I mean, I've only got the one.'
'One dress!? How can you only have one dress? We'll find you something, don't worry.'
'Up to the house, come on,' said Mrs Finn, clapping her hands to hurry them along.
A dress was found; a surprisingly beautiful dress, old and rustling out of tissue paper from the back of a heavy wardrobe. It was silk the colour of very creamy coffee, with seed pearls in a shining band round a square neckline. It was close to a perfect fit; perhaps a little loose in the bust and a little tight in the waist, but that was only what you could feel wearing it, not what you could see.
'I got married in that dress,' the grandmother informed her, tugging the skirt so it draped better. 'The second time, anyway, which I'll tell you for nothing was better than the first. Number three was quite nice too, but by then who could be bothered dressing up for it? Speaking of dressing, always wear something in bed, dear, it keeps a man interested. I used to wear my hat.' Serena felt vaguely shocked.
'Don't horrify her, Nanna,' said Miria. 'Serena, come here and let me do your hair. We've still got ten minutes. Mum, can you get the ivory sticks and the little pot of rouge from my dresser?' She loosened Serena's hair from its rope-braid and started brushing it vigorously. 'You're not nervous, are you? Don't worry about it. There's very little that can actually go wrong, bar one of you fainting.'
'I hadn't even thought of that!' Serena gasped, her head jerking back with the pull of the brush. 'This wasn't a plan, he only asked me properly just before he got up and announced it.'
'Typical,' said Miria, and began twisting the left side of Serena's hair into a sort of looping roll. 'Still, it's fun, isn't it? I never got proposed to, not properly - between you and me and the bedpost, getting married was really the only option. It's turned out surprisingly well. You can make most things work if you remember to keep talking to each other, and let him think he's getting his own way. But you stick up for yourself, all right? Saying yes to everything is as bad as saying no to it all. Give me one of those white sticks, will you? There we go.'
'How old were you when you got married?' Serena asked. Her hair was taking shape as a sort of coronet round her temples, with the rest in a bun at the back. The whole thing seemed to be anchored only by the ivory sticks, but it felt pretty firm.
'It was two years - oh, hang on, you don't know when the cow got into the church. Sorry. Local reference. I was seventeen. It wasn't long after Gadeth left, actually.'
'I'm sixteen.'
'Good grief, really? Bit young for it. But I've known couples with bigger age differences who were perfectly happy. Don't let him be in charge just because he's older.'
'I wasn't planning to,' Serena said. 'If worse comes to worst I know I can beat him in a fight.'
Miria laughed. 'Good for you! I don't think you'll have any problems that way. I was always surprised he joined the army, because he never liked fighting as such.'
'Well, he got good and drunk first,' Serena said. 'I don't think this is like that. It had better not be like that. I mean, I could see his eyes, and he didn't look too drunk, just excited.'
'Of course he's excited,' said Lil, bustling up with an atomiser. 'Look what an angel he's marrying. Miria, don't put that stuff on her, she's got plenty of colour as it is. Let's make you smell as good as you look.' She squirted a cloud of scent around Serena's head and shoulders; it was something like vanilla. Serena sneezed.
'Rings!' exclaimed Mrs Finn. 'You need rings. This is such short notice - do you think this is his revenge on me for the stump? No, no, I'm just being silly. You don't have pierced ears, do you, Serena? Never mind. You don't really need a lot of jewellery, do you?' She was rummaging through a velvet-lined box standing on her dressing table, looking at and discarding earrings, brooches, bracelets. 'Here we are!' She showed Serena a handful of old rings linked on a chain, men's and women's, silver and gold. 'I'll find something to fit each of you - I'm sure you'll want to get something else later, but you must have something for the ceremony.'
'Time's up!' reported Miria, giving Serena's hair a last twitch.
It seemed like only seconds later that Serena was standing facing Gadeth before the minister, on a platform quickly pushed together from haybales and the top of a trestle table. Everyone else crowded into the barn to watch; it wasn't quiet, because people were whispering to each other and a few babies were fussing, but it was peaceful compared to earlier. Gadeth, too, must have been whisked to the house and into different clothes, without her seeing him, because he was wearing a charcoal-coloured suit with a vivid green cravat. He looked handsome but uncomfortable; the best thing about his appearance, for Serena, was the delight in his eyes every time he looked at her.
He's proud of me. That's what it is - he's absolutely loving showing me off to everyone he grew up with. He's proud of me.
'If you're both ready,' the minister said, sotto voce, 'I'll begin.'
'If you're ready, Serena?' Gadeth said.
'Of course I am.' I hardly feel real. She smiled at him breathlessly.
'My friends and brethren,' the minister intoned. 'We are met here to observe the marriage of Gadeth Aran Finn and Serena Sh - Sch - I'm sorry, my dear, what is this?' He tapped the card in his hand.
'Serena Scherazade Schezar,' Serena said, mentally cursing her parents' choice of middle names. At least Allen had avoided any alliteration.
'Serena Scherazade Schezar,' the minister repeated. 'These two are come together by God's will and the stars' light, to make their life together.' This was the old form of the Church of Asturia's wedding ceremony, chosen mainly because it was short and did not require elaborate preparations. It had a simple question-and-answer form that should not give Serena, who had very little idea what to expect, too many problems. 'If I could ask you to join hands,' he said, sotto voce again, and guided their hands to each other, right with right, left with left, crossing between them. Gadeth's hands felt quite hot; Serena was sure her palms were wet. She felt enchanted now, as though they were casting a spell with the ritualised words and movements, standing in a magic circle where nothing could touch them.
'Do you, Gadeth, promise faithfully to be a loyal and loving husband to Serena, and to do your duty by her for the rest of your life?'
Gadeth tried to speak and had to cough before he could get it out; 'Yes, absolutely.' He was looking at her now with something like pleading. He's crossed over now and he needs me to do it too; he can't stay alone. What a moment of suspense
'Do you, Serena, promise faithfully to be a loyal and loving wife to Gadeth, and to do your duty by him for the rest of your life?' In just a second I will say it and I'll have crossed over too how can just saying 'yes' make me married? The words are only on top of how we already feel. Gadeth looks scared, I'd better hurry up.
'Yes. Yes, I do.' She gave his hands a squeeze to assure him that she had only been thinking it over, not hesitating.
'With these rings I bind you to your promise and to each other.' The minister held out the two rings, mismatched, Gadeth's a thick silver signet, Serena's an old gold circle almost worn through at one side. They had been chosen for the fit rather than their appearance.
'Let go with your right hand,' Gadeth murmured. With their right hands, they reached out and took the rings; now letting go with the left hands, they put the rings on one another's fingers. They went on easily, the metal shining with wear, not polish.
'Then you are married, by God's will and the stars' light. Be good to each other and be happy. Jeture bless you.' The minister stood back and folded his hands. There was an expectant hush.
'Is that it?' Serena asked, trying to speak without moving her lips.
'Hold on a second,' Gadeth replied the same way. Mrs Finn came up behind Serena; Gadeth's father approached behind him, and reaching up, they put small garlands of apple leaves on their heads. This part of the ceremony was local folk religion, not from the Church, but it was generally held to be shocking bad luck if the new couple were not crowned by an older pair, with many healthy children, in this way, and no-one wanted that. The Finns stepped back again, and the onlookers let out a sort of collective sigh of satisfaction.
'Right,' Gadeth said. 'Now that's it.'
'Really?' I've never seen him look so happy. Or so relieved.
'Really. Except the kiss.'
The kiss went on to the point where people began to laugh, and someone called out 'Cold water!'
It only feels strange because we were private for so long and now it's public out in the stars' light and really, I'm happy to have them see. I have a husband; a wonderful husband.
The Awamut Pipe and Brass Band struck up the Wedding Reel; the barn doors were thrown open again and the Apple Dance resumed, music and light flying up in the night sky, where winter's stars were rising.
Allen closed his book with a thump and stared around the library. It was like being in suspended animation. Waiting for Millerna, waiting for his position to be defined, waiting to know what on earth he was meant to be doing. The crew of the Crusade had been living in the guest quarters of his house for the last couple of months, and he was in danger of losing some housemaids. No new orders came; it was as though they had been forgotten. He suspected Millerna was behind that, thinking she was doing him a favour. They were getting out of training, undisciplined. He did the best he could with them but it was difficult without Gadeth, who was better at yelling, and it was doubly difficult to motivate the men when he had no motivation himself. It was like being one of the old feudal lords, maintaining a militia at his castle, except that he felt absurdly like a princess in a tower at the same time.
He kept worrying about Serena; he had decided to let her choose for herself, and he meant it, but that didn't mean he had to like her choices. It was protective jealousy, he supposed - it infuriated him to think of how Gadeth was using her. Perhaps he didn't think of it like that, it seemed that he truly cared about her, but still, it wasn't right. Serena had lost her childhood; he would have liked to let her keep her innocence a while longer. How long could Gadeth's interest last? They were a perfect mismatch, as far as he could see. It made slightly less sense than his own infatuation with Hitomi, and that, thank goodness, had passed before he had been able to do anything stupid. It was just wrong that Serena should be the object of anyone's lust.
Natal, the owl, hadn't been around for days. The heatwave was over, and the weather was getting bad, chilly rain during the day and window-rattling gusts at night. If Millerna was still dead set on a Grand Canal wedding, they would probably have to wait until spring for a decent day for it. More waiting. How could she be happy to wait? She didn't need him enough. No-one seemed to need him for anything at the moment.
There was a light tap at the door.
'Come in,' he said, absently, staring at the cover of the book and wondering if it was worth opening again. Whoever it was entered quietly and approached his chair from behind; leaned on the back of it to look over his shoulder.
'The Queen of the Moon? You do like sentimental stories'
'Serena?' He leapt up, found her smiling at him over the back of the chair and hugged her hard. Her hair had grown longer while she had been away, and she must have been enjoying the false summer, because she had acquired a crop of freckles across her nose and cheeks. She looked so much healthier than she had before, always pale and tired; it wasn't merely that her colour was better and her eyes brighter. Her whole manner was of a person who feels well in herself.
'I've missed you,' she said. 'Have you been having fun without me?'
'Nothing like it. You look as though you've been enjoying yourself, though.'
'I've been so happy. And I have some wonderful news, too. Look.' She raised her left hand between them, showing Allen the backs of her fingers.
'What am I looking for?'
'The ring, stupid.'
Allen stared at the gold ring on her third finger, unable to think what it might mean. It was a simple band with a double line engraved right round it. It looked new.
'I'm married,' she said, and smiled a smile full of secrets. 'I've married Gadeth. It was kind of a rush, or I would have asked you to be there, but it was just the right time, and I thought you wouldn't mind too much when I explained Allen, don't look like that.'
'I can't believe you didn't tell me you were getting married. I should have been there to give you away. Where did this happen anyway?'
'We were visiting his family in Awamut. It was three days ago. I - I'm sorry, but you know how sometimes things start to go perfectly, spontaneously, and if you try to hold them up for anything it'll all go wrong?'
'Well well, it's good that you're married. It shows that he's serious, doesn't it? I only hope you won't end up regretting it.' Serena pulled her hand away indignantly.
'Thank you so much. Congratulations would have been nice, but really, "I only hope you won't end up regretting it" is so much more heartfelt. I shouldn't have come; I can't talk to you without getting angry!' She looked as though she wanted to storm away, but didn't want to leave the room entirely. She settled for turning her back on him and going over to inspect one of the bookcases, tugging books out and slamming them back into line impatiently.
Allen could feel another tension headache coming on, radiating from a hot point just behind and above his left eye. He often had them these days; usually he could work through them, but sometimes they blossomed into fully fledged migraines, and he had to make an excuse and disappear for a while, lying in a dark room with a cold cloth on his forehead, willing the pain to go away, trying to somehow absorb the darkness and quiet around him. The excuse was important; he hadn't told anyone he was suffering from migraine. As far as he knew, there was no treatment for it beyond what he was already doing. The headaches were simply a sign that he was dealing badly with pressure. It wasn't unknown for people to suffer symptoms like this only after a war was over, when the buffer of adrenalin drained away; Millerna called it post-traumatic stress disorder and was setting up a charity to help people with it.
The headaches were so enervating that even the realisation one was coming on made him feel helpless. He looked at Serena's stiff, angry back and realised he wasn't even sure he wanted to say anything. This is useless. What if I were in a battle? I can't stand here feeling vague, I've got to do something. Still, nothing occurred to him. The headache epicentre was swelling and twisting.
Serena turned suddenly, dashed towards him and flung her arms round his neck. Her cheek was pressed against his and he could feel tears.
'I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I should have put it off till you could be there. It was just mean to make you miss it. And you would have enjoyed it, too, his family are so nice. It was wonderful to be with a family like that, a big bunch of people who all love each other but I should have thought about my family.'
'Don't worry about it. We're not particularly good at being a family, are we?' The headache had started to lessen as soon as she hugged him; hugging her back was making it melt away fast.
'Well, we're out of practise. The important thing is to learn from dumb things like this.'
'Right. So if you're not at my wedding I'll take it very ill indeed.'
'Oh, I wouldn't miss it for anything. When is it going to be?' She was letting go of him, looking up into his face.
'I don't know yet. I have to wait for Millerna to decide she's all ready. She's been extremely busy and it doesn't help that she hasn't been feeling well lately. She says it's just fatigue. Which to me means she should stop pushing herself so hard and let someone take care of her'
'Like you, for example.'
'Like me, for example, but she doesn't appear to think so and won't slow down.'
'I'm afraid that's what you get for wanting to marry a strong-minded woman.'
'I don't mind her being strong-minded. She should just remember that she may not be as strong physically. I don't want her to ruin her health trying to be all things to all people.'
'And have you told her so?' Serena asked. She swung herself up to sit on the library table, legs crossed under her like a wise monkey.
'Yes, repeatedly. I've varied the wording, I've said it nicely, crossly, loudly, quietly, and even with my mouth full at dinner. She just doesn't listen.'
'Oh. Well, I guess you have to be patient. If you love someone, you have to have faith that sooner or later, they'll do the right thing.' She made this pronouncement with an air of omniscience that made Allen smile.
'Where do you get that piece of wisdom?'
'Don't forget I'm a married woman, and therefore an expert on all matters of the heart.' She waggled her ring finger at him. 'No, actually I'm quoting Gadeth's Nanna, or perhaps I should say my grandmother-in-law. She kept giving me bits of advice for married life and that was one of the pithier ones. Certainly one of the more repeatable ones. Some of the others were rather earthy.'
'Where is The Husband, anyway? Even if I muffed congratulating you I feel I should say it properly to him.'
'He said he was going to go and say hi to the crew. We agreed I'd go and see you first and soften you up in case you got angry. Come on - you can shake his hand and give him the "take care of my little sister" speech.'
'I already gave him that before you went on your little holiday together.'
'Along with threats about pulling his arms off?'
'I beg your pardon?'
'Never mind. Come on!'
Watching Serena and Gadeth together, Allen couldn't help feeling they seemed more of a couple than he and Millerna did, mismatched as he still believed them to be. The fact that Serena tended to wear Gadeth's clothes reinforced the impression, as though they had a shared identity. She seemed so comfortable in them; there was a freeness to her movements that made her remarkable to watch. People kept noticing her; it was strange to realise that his sister had turned into a beauty, without any of the accoutrements of his idea of beauty. She told him she was going to the bazaar to finally get some clothes of her own; she came back with shirts and trousers and a pair of truly alarming top-boots. She tied her hair in eccentric braids of her own invention and stuck flowers and leaves through them. Somehow it all looked right. As for Gadeth, Allen had never seen anyone more obviously in love. It made him feel thorougbly ashamed for misjudging him, but at the same time it was troubling to realise that he had managed to entirely hide the fact that he was falling in love with her in the beginning. Allen had been preoccupied, true, and he had not been expecting anything of the kind, but there he had misjudged him again. He felt he did not really know his friend any more. There was a distinct uneasiness between them, not a coolness but a space which they both felt uneasy about crossing.
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