Jackie: Hello and welcome to another exciting season of Survive This! We have 16 new contestants. Look, here they are now. contestants walk toward camera. off the camera Ok, guys I want all of you to introduce yourselves. Say your name, where you're from, what team you're on, your age, and one fact about yourself. And, have fun!
Cordelia *after shoving her way to the front*:
My name is Cordelia. I'm on Team B I was born in Sunnydale, California, but now live in Los Angeles. I'm 19 and a really good actress. So, all directors give me a call. My number is- *She's pushed aside before she can finish.*
Anya: I'm Anya. I'm on Team B. I live in Sunnydale, California. I must be over a thousand now. *Xander pinches her.* Haha. Just kidding. I like sex with Xander. *Xander groans.*
Xander: Gotta love Anya. Hey there, I'm Xander. I'm yet another Sunnydaler and am also on Team B. I'm 19 and am tired of being the directionless one of my friends.
Buffy: I'm Buffy. I am on Team W. I live in Sunnydale. I'm 19. I like cheese. Is that camera always going to watch us? It's already giving me the wigs.
Willow: I'm Willow. I'm on Team W. I'm 19. I-I don't know why I'm here. I don't like the attention.
Dawson: My name is Dawson. I live in the diminutive municipality of Capeside, Massachusetts. I am 17. I'm on Team B. I used to aspire to one-day follow in the great footsteps of Steven Spielberg. Now, I have no goals. I have no soul mate, no best friend. I want to triumph in this challenge and prove I am still someone.
Jen: Hey. I'm Jen. I'm also from Capeside and am 17. I'm on Team B. I hate cheerleaders.
Ben: I'm Ben. I'm a junior at UNC. I like to swim. Oh, I'm on Team W.
Felicity: Wow, I can't believe I'm here. My name is Felicity. I'm also a junior at UNC. I'm on team B. I'm studying art and really love it.
Liz: Hi. I'm Liz. I'm from Roswell, New Mexico. I go to high school there. I'm on Team W. Um, I like science a lot.
Max: I'm Max. I'm also from Roswell. I'm on Team B. I have a sister.
Riley: Hello. I'm Riley. I'm a grad student at UCSunnydale. I'm on Team W. I love Buffy. *Glares at Angel.*
Angel: I'm Angel. I live in Los Angeles. I'm also on Team W. I hate karaoke.
Spike: My name is Spike. I currently live in Sunnyhell. Unfortunately. I'm on Team B. I hate everyone here. Even the ones I don't know. I'm only here to win the million.
Pacey: Hey everyone. I'm Pacey. I live in Capeside. I'm on Team W. My family hates me. They're afraid I'll embarrass them on national TV. Imagine that. Did I mention my brother's gay and my father's a jerk?
Joey *pushes her hair behind her ears nervously*: I'm Joey. I live in Capeside too. I'm 17. I'm on Team W. I like to draw.
Jackie: I feel like I've known them all my whole life now! Well, it's time for you guys to move to the island. *Everyone divides into their teams and move to their camps.*
*Team W moves to their camp on the north side of the island.*
Buffy: Here we are. Island icky island.
Riley: It isn't that bad. You wouldn't believe some of the things the military puts its trainees through.
Angel: You know, I've heard dog kennels aren't that bad. Now, I know the truth from someone with first-hand experience.
Riley: Buzz off, Deadboy.
Joey: Deadboy?
Buffy *while giving Riley the look*: It's a nickname Angel has.
Pacey: How'd he earn it?
Riley: Because he's dead.
Willow *after a nervous pause among the Sunnydalers*: He means dead as in cool. It's a Sunnydale slang word.
Liz: Should we build a shelter? It looks like it might rain.
Joey: Good idea.
Pacey: Joey and I can go get some wood.
Buffy: I say the men do the grunt work. We can go sun tan while the sun's still out.
Ben: That's not fair. My tan could use some work. *everyone looks at him strangely* What?
*Meanwhile, over on the south side of the island, Team B starts to set up camp.*
Cordelia: Ahhhh!!!
Dawson: What's wrong?
Cordelia: Eww! Snake! Ew! Get it away!
Xander: Gee, Cor, scared by a little snake? I'd hate to see you around a- Oh, God! That's a big snake! Get it away! Get it away!
Anya: You are such a baby. That thing isn't big. *picks up snake, which wraps itself around her, and sets it down in the woods*
Jen: You like snakes?
Anya: They're ok. I've seen scarier things. Men for instance. Horrible creatures.
Xander: Ahem
Anya: Oh, you're not a man.
Xander: Thanks. Always glad to hear these words of encouragement.
Felicity: It looks like rain. Should we build a hut?
Cordelia: I am not lifting anything heavy.
Xander: Good to know you've grown so much since high school, Queen C.
Max: I agree with Felicity. We better build a shelter before it's too late.
Dawson: I'll go get some wood from the jungle.
Jen: I'll come with you. *pauses* That snake isn't still there is it?
Spike: You all are a lot of ninnies.
Xander: I didn't see you wrestling the snake.
Spike: Your girlfriend seems to have snake wrestling down real well.
Xander: Are you hinting at something?
Felicity: Snake's gone.
Dawson: We'll be back in a few minutes then. Dawson and Jen go into the woods.
Spike: I never hint. Hinting's for poofs like you who can't-
Xander: Bight?
Felicity: I'm going to go see if Dawson and Jen need any help.
Max: Me too. Let's go.
Cordelia: Now, see what you two did! You scared the others off.
Anya: Good job!
*The next day*
Jackie: Hello adventurers and welcome to your first challenge. You have all had about 24 hours to get to know each other. For the first challenge, we will have a test to see just how much you know about your team mates. The winning team will receive 5 barrels of rice. The other team will only get 1. Let's begin. Team W, Willow excluded, what is Willow's last name?
Buffy: Ooh! Rosenberg.
Jackie: Correct. *Team W cheers*
Jackie: Team B, Felicity excluded, what was Felicity going to major in before art?
Spike: That's unfair! Willow's the Slayer's best friend.
Felicity: Slayer?
Buffy *while glaring at Spike*: Nickname.
Jackie: You have 10 seconds.
*Everyone looks at Felicity who tries to act like a doctor.*
Jackie: Time's up. Felicity, what is the correct answer?
Felicity: I was going to take Pre-Med.
Xander: This sucks. They get a last name, we get a life change!
Jackie: Team W, Pacey excluded, what is the name of Pacey's boat?
Joey: True love.
Jackie: Correct. That's Team W- 2 Team B-0
Xander: Does anyone else feel like this game's rigged?
Jackie: Team B, Spike excluded, what is Spike's real name?
Xander, Anya, and Cordelia: William the Bloody
Jackie: Well, it just says William on his fact sheet, but I'll give it to you.
*Team B cheers*
Dawson: Why is he called William the Bloody? Is the blood metaphorical or real?
Spike: It's other people's blood, mate.
Everyone looks at him strangely*
*Xander: Haha. Spike's so funny.
Jackie: Next question's for Team W, except for Buffy. What activity did Buffy participate in during high school?
Riley *whispers to Willow*: Buffy did something in high school?
*Willow starts to answer, but...*
Jackie: Time's up. Buffy?
Buffy: Only thing I can think of is the talent show sophomore year.
Jackie: Correct. But, unfortunately, it doesn't count coming from you.
Buffy: How'd you know that? I didn't mention anything about it during my interview for the show or the questionnaire.
Jackie: I know more than you think. *Everyone looks at each other in terror* I'm kidding kids. I only know what I have to.
Buffy *whispers to Willow*: She has to know I was in the talent show?
Jackie: Anyway, Team B, except Cordelia, what profession does Cordelia hope to seek?
Max, Dawson, Felicity, Spike, Xander, Jen, Anya: Acting
Jackie: Correct. We are now tied, 2 to 2. Team W, except Liz, who was Liz's boyfriend at the beginning of last year.
Liz: How do you know these things?
Jackie: I'm sorry, but time is up. Liz, the answer?
Liz *avoiding Max's stare*: Kyle
Jackie: Moving on, Team B, except Dawson, what is the name of the girl he almost had
sex with last year?
Dawson: Hey! This is iniquitous. It is an incursion of my confidentiality .
Jen: The girl's name is Eve.
Jackie: Correct. Team W- 2 Team B-3
Dawson: I can't believe this! *shakes his head in disbelief*
Jackie: Team W, except Riley, what is the name of the top secret military organization Riley was working for last year?
Buffy, Angel, Willow: The Initiative.
Riley: How? *pauses* Angel! You told!
Buffy: Of course he didn't. Angel would never- *turns to Angel* Did you?
Angel: Of course not!
Pacey: Riley, my man, I'm suddenly seeing you in a new light.
Jackie: Team B, except Max, where is Max really from?
Max: What?
Liz: Oh God!
Jackie: Time's up. Max?
Max: I'm- um- I'm
Liz: From Canada.
Max: Right.
Jackie: Are you sure about that?
Max and Liz: Yes!
Max to Liz: Does she know? How does she know?
Jackie: I know more than you might think. everyone starts panicking Well, the teams are tied once again. Next question, Team W, what makes Angel different from others like him?
Buffy *walks over to Jackie and whispers*: He has a soul.
Jackie: Correct. Angel does have a soul.
Felicity: Why wouldn't he?
Spike: Not all vampires have souls.
Liz: Vampires?
Riley: Umpires.
Buffy: Right. Angel's an umpire for- um
Xander: The Los Angeles Vampires
Pacey: The Los Angeles Vampires?
Angel: It's a Little League team.
Jackie: Are you sure, Angel?
Angel: Shouldn't you be asking the next question?
Jackie: Right. Moving on. When did Xander lose his virginity?
Spike: You mean he's gotten some? Actually, there was that-
Jackie: I'm sorry. That is incorrect. The right answer is-
Spike: Hey! I was joking. He was 17? Maybe... I don't know.
Jackie: You already answered incorrectly. Team W is now ahead by one question.
Xander: This game is rigged!
Jackie: Why is Joey's dad in jail?
Pacey: For drug dealing.
Jackie: Correct. Why was Jen sent to live with her grandmother?
Dawson: Her father caught her making love on his bed.
Jackie: Correct. Team W is still in the lead by one with 2 more questions.
Jen *whispers to Dawson*: How does she know these things? *Dawson shrugs nervously*
Jackie: Team W, your last question. What is Ben's family secret?
Ben: I have a family secret?
Jackie: Of course you do. Time's up.
Ben: What is my secret?
Jackie: You don't like your parents.
Ben: That's a secret?
Jackie: Now, for our last question. If Team B gets this right, we move into a tie-breaker round. If not, Team W wins. What was Anya before she lost her powers?
Xander *whispers to Jackie*: Anya was a vengeance demon.
Jackie: That's right. Anya was a vengeance demon. For a thousand years, she got revenge on men who hurt women's emotions.
Felicity: Is this a joke?
Anya: Of course it is. Me, a demon? Demons are big, ugly things. Can you imagine me as one?
Jackie: Is that really the truth, Anya?
Xander: Yes. Yes it is. Now, leave my girlfriend alone.
Jackie: We didn't prepare a tiebreaker round, so I'll just give both teams five barrels of rice. Good work teams. See you tomorrow for the Protection Test. *Jackie goes to her boat to leave for the main land. After all, hosts never stay in gross islands.*
Teams W and B return to their campsites after giving each other one more panicky glance. Who was this person who knew a little too much about their lives?
Team W's camp- the next day:
Buffy and Willow are taking a walk on the beach.
Buffy: Is it just me or is this trip really weird?
Willow: It is! I mean it isn't just you. I don't even remember entering a contest to get on the show. And, why would I enter a contest like this? It just isn't like me to want to live on a deserted island with 16 people on national TV. Million dollars or not.
Buffy: I know! I don't even remember leaving Sunnydale. I went to bed and woke up on the boat on my way here. And, why am I here? I'm the Slayer. I should be guarding the Hellmouth. Not spending time on an island with some of my friends,my boyfriend, my ex and- Speaking of Angel, how can Angel and Spike be here. The sun isn't exactly kind to them.
Willow: It just doesn't make sense. Not even Sunnydale sense.
Later the same day: The teams meet with Jackie to do the Protection Test.
Jackie: Hey, everyone. Today's Protection Test will allow the winning team to have immunity. The other team will come to the Family Assembly and vote for one of their team members to leave the island. Today's challenge is a mountain climbing race. Each team must choose one member to compete. Which ever racer makes it to the top first wins Protection for their team. Who will be competing for Team W?
Buffy: I will.
Jackie: For Team B?
Spike: I will.
Jackie: Ok, let's move to the mountain. We'll get you two suited up and harnessed.
Buffy and Spike got ready for the climb. Jackie announced for them to start. They were neck-in-neck all the way up to the halfway point. Spike got tired of being tied and tried to knock Buffy out of the race. The chip in his head stopped him from actually touching her and caused such great pain he fell and found himself bouncing in the air by his safety wire, screaming SLAAAAAYERRR!!! the whole time. Of course, Buffy ended up winning.
Joey: Yea! Go Buffy! We won Protection!
Pacey: Pretty decent.
Joey: What does slaaaaayerrrrrr mean? Is Spike ok?
Cordelia: Depends on what your definition of ok is.
Xander: I'd say Spike isn't 'ok' by any definition.
Jackie: Congratulations Team W! You have won Protection. Team B, I will see you at the Family Assembly tonight.
Later that night: Team B meets Jackie at the Family Assembly
Jackie: Hello everyone and welcome to our first Family Assembly. Unfortunately, since you are here it means one of you will be voted off the island tonight. Now, one by one, I want each of you to go up the confessional. There, you write the name of the person you think deserves to leave and why. The person with the most votes against them will be asked to leave the island. When he or she leaves the rest of the team may return to your camp. That person will make a final confession at the booth at the end of this ramp. A plane will take you back home tomorrow morning. Ok, that's it. Cordelia why don't you start us off with your vote.
One by one the players make their way to the confessional and vote.
Cordelia: I'm voting for Xander. He's my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me with Willow- a nerd in high school. pretends to cry I'm still heartbroken. *pauses* Aaron Spelling, give me a call. I'd be perfect for your new teen drama.
Dawson: I'm voting for Cordelia. She seems like a nice girl, but of all my team members she's the only one who doesn't really do her share of the work. Besides, she doesn't really seem to want to be here anymore. This morning she was almost in tears because she didn't have a hairdryer.
Felicity: Oh, God. This was really hard to do. I can't stand picking people out like this. I mean, I don't really feel like I know any of these people well. I'm going to vote for Cordelia though. She doesn't seem like the outdoorsy type and somehow I don't think she'll mind getting home to her hairdryer.
Spike: Xander. That's my vote. I can't stand him.
Xander: Spike. I'm voting for him. We aren't friends and never will be.
Jen: I'm casting my vote for Cordelia. Dawson and I were talking about it earlier and I really don't think this is her kind of place. Plus, I don't like her attitude.
Max: I'm voting for Jen. I don't know why, but I don't like her. Sorry Jen.
Anya: Jen was eyeing Xander earlier today, so I'm voting for her. That girl is way too boy-crazy. And, I want to be the last girl on our team.
Jackie goes up to the confessional and counts the votes.
Jackie: I have counted the votes. Jen, you got 2. Xander, you got 2. Spike, you got 1. She pauses I'm sorry, Cordelia, but you got 3. It is time for you to leave.
Cordelia nods and leaves the area.
Spike: Alright let's have it, who voted for me?
Cordelia at the confession booth off the island:
Well, they voted me off the island. Not that I'm really surprised. I bet Xander talked the others into voting for me. I don't think island living's for me. It's too buggy and it's killing my hair. Plus, this whole trip is really weird. How'd we get here? Why are we here? Other than the obvious answers, on the boat and to win the million, who knows? I thought Sunnydale was creepy, but this place is just plain freaky. She starts to leave Oh and Spelling, I'm serious call me. Or any other big shot Hollywood directors, I am totally interested. As long as I have nighttime off for my other job.
The next day: the teams meet for the next Protection Test
Buffy, Riley, Willow, and Angel are standing in a cluster talking
Riley: Do you know who they voted off last night?
Angel: I don't know. Who's missing from their team?
Buffy: Well, there's Xander and Anya making out. Spike's drinking something red from a mug- ew. Dawson and Jen are talking. Felicity and Max are talking to Jackie.
Willow: Cordelia. Cordelia's not there.
Buffy: Why does this not surprise me?
Angel: Poor Cor. She would've loved to win.
Willow and Buffy stare at him in shock.
Angel: Believe it or not, she has changed since high school.
Willow: That is a little hard to believe.
Jackie: Ok, people, it's time to start the next test. Each team should pick someone to compete for them. Today's contest is a slug eating competition. The representatives from the two teams will try to eat the most slugs. Whoever wins gets protection for their team. Who's competing for Team W?
Ben: I am.
Jackie: Team B?
Xander: I am.
Xander and Ben are each handed a bucket of live slugs. Ben eats one and then throws up. Xander eats nine.
Jackie: The tides have changed. Congratulations Team B on your win. Team W I will see you for Family Assembly tonight.
Back at the Team W camp:
Buffy: I can't believe we lost. I thought you could eat anything, Ben!
Ben: Have you ever tried eating a live slug?
Buffy: And you have? I don't call vomiting the second you taste it eating it.
Willow: You guys, calm down. We were bound to lose eventually. Besides, Xander's stomach is made of steel. We didn't stand a chance.
Ben: Why are you critizing me, Willow? I haven't seen you lift one finger to help us since we got here.
Willow: I wasn't cr-criticizing I was-
Ben: Helping? Right, you're a big help. All you do is hide in Buffy's shadow.
Buffy: Willow doesn't hide in my shadow! And, who do you think you are to talk to her like this?
Willow: It's ok, Buffy. I can h-handle this.
Ben: S-sure y-you c-can. God! You all are the biggest losers I have ever met. *Ben stormed off.*
Buffy: What a jerk!
Willow: It's ok. He seems nice. He just doesn't have a great temper.
Buffy: Really? I didn't notice.
Ben took a walk around the island until he was near the Team B camp. He saw Felicity and motioned for her to come over. They walked together up to a cliff overlooking the water.
Felicity: I think I like my team. They all seem really nice.
Ben: Mine hates me.
Felicity: Why do they hate you?
Ben *sheepishly*: I sort of let my temper-
Felicity: You didn't!
Ben: I blew up at this one girl for no reason and now all the girls are out to get me. Don't expect to see me tomorrow.
Felicity: Why don't you apologize and beg them not to vote you off?
Ben: It's too late. Assembly's in twenty minutes.
Later that night at the second Family Assembly
Jackie: Welcome Team W to your first Family Assembly. I assume all of you know the rules by now, so you may each go up and cast you vote.
One by one they each went to the confessional and cast their vote.
Angel: I'm voting for Riley because I know he's going to vote for me. Besides, I don't like him.
Liz: I'm voting for Joey. She seems really nice and I like her, but she doesn't seem to be as crucial for the team as everyone else.
Joey: I'm voting for Liz. She seems really nice and I like her, but she doesn't seem to be as crucial for the team as everyone else.
Ben: I'm voting for Buffy because she annoys me. And, if she hadn't helped Willow, she wouldn't have stood up to me. Even though I wasn't as nice as I could have been. It was a tough choice between her and Willow.
Buffy: My vote goes to Ben because he's a jerk. Well, when he's angry. He's nice the rest of the time.
Willow: I-I'm voting for Ben. He seems nice and all, but his temper is bad. I don't want to spend the rest of my time here with someone who gets upset about every little thing. Sorry, Ben.
Pacey: My vote goes to Ben because he had no right to yell at Willow like that.
Riley: I'm voting for Angel because I can't stand him. And, he's a vam- umpire.
Jackie *after tallying the votes*: Angel, Riley, Liz, Buffy, and Joey each got one vote. I'm sorry Ben, but the other 3 votes were for you. It is time for you to leave.
Ben stood up and without even looking back left the island.
Ben at the confessional off the island:
I knew it! I knew it was my turn to leave! I guess I deserved it. I was a jerk earlier today and haven't been the easiest person to get along with since I came here. Good luck everyone. I wish you all well and am leaving here without my anger. I leave that as a gift for you. Not literally, figuratively. Or something like that. I was asleep during English that day. Well, this is it. Goodbye everyone. See you back in New York, Felicity, whenever you get voted out.
The Next Day and the next Protection Test
Jackie: Ok, everyone, hear we are for our third Protection Test. This one is a swimming relay. Both teams now have seven member each. The 14 contestants will line up the different markers. The first team to get their final swimmer across the line wins Protection.
Buffy and Xander were the first swimmers for their teams. Buffy reached Willow before Xander reached Anya. Willow was halfway to Angel by the time Anya started swimming to Spike. Spike was a fast swimmer and he and Angel were tied for most of their lap. Angel tagged Joey at the same moment Spike tagged Max. Joey and Max were less than a foot apart the whole time. After they were done, Pacey and Felicity were up. Pacey beat her easily and sent Riley off. Jen wasn't too far behind him though. Liz and Dawson were the last swimmers. Liz's foot got caught in the sand and she couldn't swim. Dawson easily won that round and the Protection for his team.
Later that night at the Family Assembly
Jackie: You know the drill. Go vote.
Each person voted one at a time, yada yada yada
Angel: I'm voting for Riley again. Same reason as yesterday.
Liz: Um, I'm going to vote for Willow. No reason. It doesn't even matter since I overheard Joey, Pacey, Buffy, and Willow planning to vote for me.
Joey: My vote goes to Liz. She seems really nice, but she made us lose today and... no other reason.
Buffy: I'm voting for Liz. I wish there was someone else, but... Are you sure we can't vote for people on the other team? I'd love to see Spike go.
Willow: I'm voting for Liz. No offense to her or anything. There really isn't a reason behind my vote.
Pacey: I'm voting for Liz. Sorry and good luck.
Riley: Angel
Jackie after counting the votes: Angel, Riley, and Willow each got one vote. I'm sorry Liz, but it is time for you to leave.
Liz *at the confessional*: Looks like my team has an alliance. Well, I figured I was going to be the next one to go. There was something about the way everyone was looking at me when we lost. Bye everyone! Have a good rest of the game. Max, see you back in Roswell. Compared to this place, it should be relaxing.
The Next Day:
Jackie: Ok, people welcome to the new Protection Test. This is another test of your knowledge of the other people. Since Team B has one more member, please choose one person to sit this game out.
Max: I will.
Jackie: Everyone else, get ready for your first question. After a minute of everyone staring at her Team W, what century was Angel born in?
Buffy *whispering*: the 18th
Jackie: Correct! Team B, who is Dawson's idol?
Jen: Steven Spielberg
Jackie: Correct! Team W, what is Joey's real name?
Pacey: Josephine Potter
Jackie: Correct! Team B, Why did Felicity decide to go to college in New York?
Everyone looks at Felicity who looks away.
Jackie: Time's up. Felicity?
Felicity: There were many reasons.
Jackie: Wasn't one more important to you than the others? Felicity looks away. Team W, you are now ahead by one point. What is Buffy's destiny?
Willow, Riley, and Angel: She is the Chosen One.
Jackie: Correct!
Buffy to Willow: How'd she know that? I didn't drop a stake anywhere or something, did I?
Willow: I don't think so.
Jackie: Team B, what does Spike like to call himself?
Xander and Anya: The Big Bad
Jackie: Correct! Team W, why did Willow's last boyfriend leave her?
Buffy whispers: He was a werewolf and had to learn how to control his powers.
Jackie: Correct! Willow, hon, how are you holding up since Oz left? You know, he did it for you own good.
Willow: I'm fine.
Jackie: Good! Now, Team B, when did Xander tell Willow he loved her?
Everyone, especially Willow, looks at Xander in shock.
Jackie: Time's up. Xander?
Xander: When she was in a coma.
Jackie: Moving on, Team W, what is Pacey's sister's name who he is living with?
Joey: Gretchen
Jackie: Correct! Team B, what is the name of the guy who recently dumped Jen and
broke her heart?
Dawson: Henry
Jackie: Correct! Team W, does Buffy really love Riley?
Buffy: Of course I do!
Jackie: Wrong.
Buffy: What???? I do!
Jackie: Moving on, Team B, what is Anya's real name?
Xander: Anyanka
Jackie: Correct, but Team W is still our winner. Team B, see you at Assembly.
That night at Family Assembly:
Jackie: Go vote.
Max: I'm voting for Jen again. Not sure why. I just don't like her.
Dawson: I'm voting for Max. He seems odd.
Felicity: I'm voting for Max. He seems different from everyone else. Sorry, Max.
Spike: Xander
Xander: Spike. That's all I'm gonna say.
Jen: Max because he's going to vote for me.
Anya: Jen. She was looking at my Xander again.
Jackie: Jen got 2 votes, Xander and Spike each got one and Max got 3. Sorry, Max.
Max at the confessional: Um, I'm really bad at these things. I'm just going to say bye and leave. *pauses* Bye.
The Next Day at the Next Challenge:
Jackie: Today we're going to cook up a storm. That's right. We're having a cooking contest. Each team must make soup. The ingredients have been taken back to your camps. The best soup wins that team Protection.
Team W camp:
Pacey: I still say we let Joey cook. She's the best one here.
Riley: I am not going to sit back and be useless. There has to be something I can do.
Angel: You could go get lost.
Riley: One more word from y-
Buffy *stepping between them*: Stop it, both of you! to Pacey I can cook too. Well, sort of. I made Thanksgiving dinner last year.
Willow: Yeah! And that was really yummy.
Joey: We can both cook then.
Buffy and Joey mix the ingredients together to make the soup. It's almost done when Riley gets tired of watching and decides to help. He walks over with some mushrooms, but trips and lands in the soup, spilling it everywhere.
Team B Camp:
Jen: So, can anyone here actually cook?
Everyone looks at her blankly. Finally, one by one they throw random ingredients into the pot, including dirt, grass, and blood (Spike's addition).
Back at the Protection Test
Jackie: So, teams, do we have some good soup?
Pacey: We had a great soup, but then it kind of became not so great.
Jackie: Where is it now?
Pacey: Mostly on Riley.
Jackie: Team B, did you fare any better?
Jen: We have soup.
Jackie: Then you win by process of elimination. You can go back to camp now and enjoy your meal.
Team B: No thanks!
That night at the Family Assembly:
Jackie: Do I even need to say it?
Angel: I'm voting for Riley again.
Joey: I'm voting for Riley. He really messed us up today.
Buffy: I'm voting for Pacey 'cause I don't want to vote for any of my friends and I know Joey better, so... Sorry, Pace. I hope this doesn't effect the vote any.
Willow: Um, I'm voting for Riley. He kind of hurt our chances at winning today. Sorry, Riley and Buffy.
Pacey: Riley. Same reason as everyone else.
Riley: Angel.
Jackie: Angel and Pacey each got 1 vote. The rest went to Riley. Sorry, Riley.
Riley at the confessional: Bye Buffy. starts to leave Don't do anything with Angel.
The Next Day:
Jackie: Today, you're going to build a raft. By the way, this is your last day as 2 teams. After tonight's Family Assembly, the teams will merge and it'll be everyone on their own.
Team W camp:
Pacey: Anyone know how to build a raft?
Buffy: Riley does. God, why couldn't you have given him another chance. It was a mistake. Everyone makes them.
Everyone looks away from her. She storms off into the woods.
Willow: I'm going to I-I should- she follows Buffy
Pacey: We're dropping like flies. This is definitely a good sign.
Angel trying to take charge: I think we can... everyone else makes the raft
Willow wanders around the forest trying to find Buffy.
Willow: Buffy! Buffy, where are you? Where is she? Willow thought desperately.
Suddenly, an arm covered Willow's mouth. She tried to scream, but it was no use. Willow felt herself being dragged somewhere. She tried to kick her captor, but it was no use. Finally, they came to a stop. Willow looked up to see….
Willow: Spike!!!!
Spike: I got one.
Willow looked around and realized she was at the Team B camp. She saw Buffy on the beach making their raft.
Xander: Hey, Will! We couldn't figure out how to do this, so Spike suggested we get
someone who did. We asked Buffy to this morning. You don't mind, do you?
Willow: I guess not.
Willow and Buffy worked on the raft while Team B stood over them watching. Little did Team B know, their captives were not happy at the idea of being captives. They would realize that as soon as they attempted to float on the raft….
Jackie: Let's see these rafts.
Both rafts looked identical. Same color, size, etc. Except...
Team B's sunk the moment it hit the water. Someone tied rocks to it!
Jackie: It looks like Team W is our winner.
Family Assembly:
After everyone has voted.
Jackie: Jen, Xander, and Spike each got one vote. I'm sorry Felicity, but it is time for you
to go.
Felicity at the confessional: Wow. I knew I'd have to leave eventually, but I thought Spike was going to be next since it was his idea to makeBuffy and Willow make our raft. Guess I was wrong. Bye everyone.
The Next Day:
Jackie: Hello everyone! Today is your first day as one team, Team WB. There will not be any competitions today so that you can get to know each other better. Have fun!
For the reader's (and the writer's) convience: the remaining characters are: Team W: Angel, Joey, Buffy, Willow, and Pacey. Team B: Dawson, Spike, Xander, Jen, and Anya
Team WB camp:
Willow and Buffy sit together talking on the beach. They decide to form a mini-alliance. Angel tries to catch some rats to drink their blood since his supply ran out. Spike stands near him hoping to get some blood. Pacey, Joey, Jen, and Dawson sit together talking. Well, Pacey and Dawson refuse to speak to each other, but everyone else talks. Xander and Anya go off to be alone.
The Next Day:
Jackie: We're going to have a scavenger hunt today. The first person back wins protection. This means no one can vote them off at the Family Assembly today.
Everyone splits up and runs into the woods to find the various kinds of leaves on the list. Buffy stops when she realizes she doesn't know what any of the names on her list are and starts grabbing random leaves. Angel gets all of his leaves, but gets mad when he realizes Spike is following and copying him. Joey and Pacey decide to stick together, but end up getting lost, not that they mind… Dawson gets half his leaves, but gets distracted by a waterfall and pulls out his camera to take pictures. Jen refuses to go into the woods and ends up sitting on the beach waiting for everyone else to come back. Xander and Anya come back first, but they had never even noticed the game had started because they were still having togetherness time. Willow's the first one back with all the leaves and therefore wins protection.
Family Assembly:
Jackie: Remember, you can vote for anyone except Willow.
Angel: Spike. He's really getting to me.
Joey: I'm voting for Jen because she told me she really wants to go home.
Buffy: Spike. Do you really want me to explain why?
Willow: I'm voting for Spike.
Pacey: I'm voting for Jen. Joey says she wants to go home.
Dawson: Pacey.
Jen: I'm voting for myself. I want to go home. I'm really sick of the wilderness.
Xander: Spike. Same as before.
Anya: Jen. Stop going after my man!
Spike: Angel. He's starting to get to me.
Jackie: Spike got 3 votes, Angel and Pacey each got 1. Jen got 4 votes. Jen, it's time for you to leave. Sorry.
Jen at the confessional: Yes! Yes! Yes! Um, sorry. I just really want to get out of here. This whole thing is way too freaky for me. Besides, who really wants a million dollars?
The Next Day:
Jackie *boredly*: Go dive for pennies. Winner gets protection. Blah. Will this game ever end?
Everyone dives in the water and tries to get as many pennies as possible. Spike wins by stealing everyone else's.
Family Assembly:
Angel: I'm voting for Xander because he's going to vote for me.
Joey: I'm voting for Willow. No reason.
Buffy: Dawson. No reason.
Willow: I'm voting for Dawson. Um, not really for any reason.
Pacey: Dawson. He voted for me yesterday, so right back at you, brother.
Dawson: Pacey.
Spike: Angel.
Xander: Angel.
Anya: Joey. She's the only girl left other than Buffy, Willow, and me and friendship does mean something to me.
Jackie: Dawson, you got the old heave hoe. Time to go.
Dawson at the confessional: I could give a long, boring speech, but I'm not. Bye.
Back at Camp WB:
Spike, Xander, and Anya decide to form an alliance. Pacey and Joey join forces with Willow and Buffy.
The Next Day:
Jackie: Archery contest. Have fun.
Everyone's really bad at it except for Buffy and Angel. Buffy ends up winning. All that work with crossbows really came in handy.
Family Assembly:
Angel: Spike
Joey: Spike
Buffy: Spike
Willow: Spike
Pacey: Spike
Spike: Angel
Xander: Angel
Anya: Angel- reluctantly
Jackie while painting her nails: Bye Spike.
Spike at the confessional: Bye? Those ninnies voted me off. Can you imagine? Me? The Big Bad? Voted off some game show I don't even remember entering. I hope you all die a long miserable death.
The Next Day:
Helicopters circle the island. The remaining contestants stare at Jackie as she grows more and more panicked and insane.
Jackie: Uh oh! They're almost on to me. Must finish story!!!! Anya got voted off next. Then Xander. Then Joey. Then, Pacey. The final round was down to Willow and Buffy. Willow won. *Screaming* Everyone get out of here. Go back to your normal lives before-
Washington DC, the next day.
Scully: Mulder, you expect me to believe that 16 people were abducted by-
Mulder: Not abducted, Scully. Kidnapped. By someone named Jackie. She kept insisting they were part of this game show she was hosting. They were pulled out of their normal lives and brainwashed into thinking they could drop all of the normal things in their lives and go on her show. She forced them to act completely out of character. And, she had fun doing it! Scully, she has to be stopped!
Scully: Mulder, this is the most absurd-
Mulder: I have witnesses. *points to hallway where all 16 contestants stand waiting. Scully stares back at Mulder shocked.*
Out of the shadows of the FBI building, steps... drum roll... Jackie
Jackie: *evil laughter* They will never catch me! No one will ever catch me!
A voice: Hope! Time for dinner.
Jackie: Hope? Who's Hope?
Voice: I know it's you Hope. You can fool everyone, but you can't fool me.
Jackie: Noooooo! *Her face falls off to reveal Hope*
Hope's mother: Honey, turn off the computer and come eat. Did you do your homework?
Hope: Yes, mom. Just finishing it. *Hope moans*
Author's Note:
Yes, I know that was out of character and the timing is all off. But, I wrote it several months ago so it was right then except Mulder shouldn't be in it.
Plus, this is meant to be funny. I hope it was semi-amusing. Thanks for reading! PLEASE REVIEW!!!
Oh, and sorry for spelling mistakes/ grammar mistakes. There were probably a bunch of them...
- Hope (who has been locked up in a nice padded room to prevent any more butcherings of characters' personalities)
Disclaimer: I DON'T own anything except myself and I am related to my mom. Dawson's Creek, Roswell, and Felicity belong to the WB and their producers. Buffy and Angel belong to Joss Whedon and the WB. The X-Files belongs to FOX and Chris Carter. I "bored" the idea for this from the show "Surviver". That belongs to CBS and other people. I think that covers it all... I don't own anything!
Cordelia *after shoving her way to the front*:
My name is Cordelia. I'm on Team B I was born in Sunnydale, California, but now live in Los Angeles. I'm 19 and a really good actress. So, all directors give me a call. My number is- *She's pushed aside before she can finish.*
Anya: I'm Anya. I'm on Team B. I live in Sunnydale, California. I must be over a thousand now. *Xander pinches her.* Haha. Just kidding. I like sex with Xander. *Xander groans.*
Xander: Gotta love Anya. Hey there, I'm Xander. I'm yet another Sunnydaler and am also on Team B. I'm 19 and am tired of being the directionless one of my friends.
Buffy: I'm Buffy. I am on Team W. I live in Sunnydale. I'm 19. I like cheese. Is that camera always going to watch us? It's already giving me the wigs.
Willow: I'm Willow. I'm on Team W. I'm 19. I-I don't know why I'm here. I don't like the attention.
Dawson: My name is Dawson. I live in the diminutive municipality of Capeside, Massachusetts. I am 17. I'm on Team B. I used to aspire to one-day follow in the great footsteps of Steven Spielberg. Now, I have no goals. I have no soul mate, no best friend. I want to triumph in this challenge and prove I am still someone.
Jen: Hey. I'm Jen. I'm also from Capeside and am 17. I'm on Team B. I hate cheerleaders.
Ben: I'm Ben. I'm a junior at UNC. I like to swim. Oh, I'm on Team W.
Felicity: Wow, I can't believe I'm here. My name is Felicity. I'm also a junior at UNC. I'm on team B. I'm studying art and really love it.
Liz: Hi. I'm Liz. I'm from Roswell, New Mexico. I go to high school there. I'm on Team W. Um, I like science a lot.
Max: I'm Max. I'm also from Roswell. I'm on Team B. I have a sister.
Riley: Hello. I'm Riley. I'm a grad student at UCSunnydale. I'm on Team W. I love Buffy. *Glares at Angel.*
Angel: I'm Angel. I live in Los Angeles. I'm also on Team W. I hate karaoke.
Spike: My name is Spike. I currently live in Sunnyhell. Unfortunately. I'm on Team B. I hate everyone here. Even the ones I don't know. I'm only here to win the million.
Pacey: Hey everyone. I'm Pacey. I live in Capeside. I'm on Team W. My family hates me. They're afraid I'll embarrass them on national TV. Imagine that. Did I mention my brother's gay and my father's a jerk?
Joey *pushes her hair behind her ears nervously*: I'm Joey. I live in Capeside too. I'm 17. I'm on Team W. I like to draw.
Jackie: I feel like I've known them all my whole life now! Well, it's time for you guys to move to the island. *Everyone divides into their teams and move to their camps.*
*Team W moves to their camp on the north side of the island.*
Buffy: Here we are. Island icky island.
Riley: It isn't that bad. You wouldn't believe some of the things the military puts its trainees through.
Angel: You know, I've heard dog kennels aren't that bad. Now, I know the truth from someone with first-hand experience.
Riley: Buzz off, Deadboy.
Joey: Deadboy?
Buffy *while giving Riley the look*: It's a nickname Angel has.
Pacey: How'd he earn it?
Riley: Because he's dead.
Willow *after a nervous pause among the Sunnydalers*: He means dead as in cool. It's a Sunnydale slang word.
Liz: Should we build a shelter? It looks like it might rain.
Joey: Good idea.
Pacey: Joey and I can go get some wood.
Buffy: I say the men do the grunt work. We can go sun tan while the sun's still out.
Ben: That's not fair. My tan could use some work. *everyone looks at him strangely* What?
*Meanwhile, over on the south side of the island, Team B starts to set up camp.*
Cordelia: Ahhhh!!!
Dawson: What's wrong?
Cordelia: Eww! Snake! Ew! Get it away!
Xander: Gee, Cor, scared by a little snake? I'd hate to see you around a- Oh, God! That's a big snake! Get it away! Get it away!
Anya: You are such a baby. That thing isn't big. *picks up snake, which wraps itself around her, and sets it down in the woods*
Jen: You like snakes?
Anya: They're ok. I've seen scarier things. Men for instance. Horrible creatures.
Xander: Ahem
Anya: Oh, you're not a man.
Xander: Thanks. Always glad to hear these words of encouragement.
Felicity: It looks like rain. Should we build a hut?
Cordelia: I am not lifting anything heavy.
Xander: Good to know you've grown so much since high school, Queen C.
Max: I agree with Felicity. We better build a shelter before it's too late.
Dawson: I'll go get some wood from the jungle.
Jen: I'll come with you. *pauses* That snake isn't still there is it?
Spike: You all are a lot of ninnies.
Xander: I didn't see you wrestling the snake.
Spike: Your girlfriend seems to have snake wrestling down real well.
Xander: Are you hinting at something?
Felicity: Snake's gone.
Dawson: We'll be back in a few minutes then. Dawson and Jen go into the woods.
Spike: I never hint. Hinting's for poofs like you who can't-
Xander: Bight?
Felicity: I'm going to go see if Dawson and Jen need any help.
Max: Me too. Let's go.
Cordelia: Now, see what you two did! You scared the others off.
Anya: Good job!
*The next day*
Jackie: Hello adventurers and welcome to your first challenge. You have all had about 24 hours to get to know each other. For the first challenge, we will have a test to see just how much you know about your team mates. The winning team will receive 5 barrels of rice. The other team will only get 1. Let's begin. Team W, Willow excluded, what is Willow's last name?
Buffy: Ooh! Rosenberg.
Jackie: Correct. *Team W cheers*
Jackie: Team B, Felicity excluded, what was Felicity going to major in before art?
Spike: That's unfair! Willow's the Slayer's best friend.
Felicity: Slayer?
Buffy *while glaring at Spike*: Nickname.
Jackie: You have 10 seconds.
*Everyone looks at Felicity who tries to act like a doctor.*
Jackie: Time's up. Felicity, what is the correct answer?
Felicity: I was going to take Pre-Med.
Xander: This sucks. They get a last name, we get a life change!
Jackie: Team W, Pacey excluded, what is the name of Pacey's boat?
Joey: True love.
Jackie: Correct. That's Team W- 2 Team B-0
Xander: Does anyone else feel like this game's rigged?
Jackie: Team B, Spike excluded, what is Spike's real name?
Xander, Anya, and Cordelia: William the Bloody
Jackie: Well, it just says William on his fact sheet, but I'll give it to you.
*Team B cheers*
Dawson: Why is he called William the Bloody? Is the blood metaphorical or real?
Spike: It's other people's blood, mate.
Everyone looks at him strangely*
*Xander: Haha. Spike's so funny.
Jackie: Next question's for Team W, except for Buffy. What activity did Buffy participate in during high school?
Riley *whispers to Willow*: Buffy did something in high school?
*Willow starts to answer, but...*
Jackie: Time's up. Buffy?
Buffy: Only thing I can think of is the talent show sophomore year.
Jackie: Correct. But, unfortunately, it doesn't count coming from you.
Buffy: How'd you know that? I didn't mention anything about it during my interview for the show or the questionnaire.
Jackie: I know more than you think. *Everyone looks at each other in terror* I'm kidding kids. I only know what I have to.
Buffy *whispers to Willow*: She has to know I was in the talent show?
Jackie: Anyway, Team B, except Cordelia, what profession does Cordelia hope to seek?
Max, Dawson, Felicity, Spike, Xander, Jen, Anya: Acting
Jackie: Correct. We are now tied, 2 to 2. Team W, except Liz, who was Liz's boyfriend at the beginning of last year.
Liz: How do you know these things?
Jackie: I'm sorry, but time is up. Liz, the answer?
Liz *avoiding Max's stare*: Kyle
Jackie: Moving on, Team B, except Dawson, what is the name of the girl he almost had
sex with last year?
Dawson: Hey! This is iniquitous. It is an incursion of my confidentiality .
Jen: The girl's name is Eve.
Jackie: Correct. Team W- 2 Team B-3
Dawson: I can't believe this! *shakes his head in disbelief*
Jackie: Team W, except Riley, what is the name of the top secret military organization Riley was working for last year?
Buffy, Angel, Willow: The Initiative.
Riley: How? *pauses* Angel! You told!
Buffy: Of course he didn't. Angel would never- *turns to Angel* Did you?
Angel: Of course not!
Pacey: Riley, my man, I'm suddenly seeing you in a new light.
Jackie: Team B, except Max, where is Max really from?
Max: What?
Liz: Oh God!
Jackie: Time's up. Max?
Max: I'm- um- I'm
Liz: From Canada.
Max: Right.
Jackie: Are you sure about that?
Max and Liz: Yes!
Max to Liz: Does she know? How does she know?
Jackie: I know more than you might think. everyone starts panicking Well, the teams are tied once again. Next question, Team W, what makes Angel different from others like him?
Buffy *walks over to Jackie and whispers*: He has a soul.
Jackie: Correct. Angel does have a soul.
Felicity: Why wouldn't he?
Spike: Not all vampires have souls.
Liz: Vampires?
Riley: Umpires.
Buffy: Right. Angel's an umpire for- um
Xander: The Los Angeles Vampires
Pacey: The Los Angeles Vampires?
Angel: It's a Little League team.
Jackie: Are you sure, Angel?
Angel: Shouldn't you be asking the next question?
Jackie: Right. Moving on. When did Xander lose his virginity?
Spike: You mean he's gotten some? Actually, there was that-
Jackie: I'm sorry. That is incorrect. The right answer is-
Spike: Hey! I was joking. He was 17? Maybe... I don't know.
Jackie: You already answered incorrectly. Team W is now ahead by one question.
Xander: This game is rigged!
Jackie: Why is Joey's dad in jail?
Pacey: For drug dealing.
Jackie: Correct. Why was Jen sent to live with her grandmother?
Dawson: Her father caught her making love on his bed.
Jackie: Correct. Team W is still in the lead by one with 2 more questions.
Jen *whispers to Dawson*: How does she know these things? *Dawson shrugs nervously*
Jackie: Team W, your last question. What is Ben's family secret?
Ben: I have a family secret?
Jackie: Of course you do. Time's up.
Ben: What is my secret?
Jackie: You don't like your parents.
Ben: That's a secret?
Jackie: Now, for our last question. If Team B gets this right, we move into a tie-breaker round. If not, Team W wins. What was Anya before she lost her powers?
Xander *whispers to Jackie*: Anya was a vengeance demon.
Jackie: That's right. Anya was a vengeance demon. For a thousand years, she got revenge on men who hurt women's emotions.
Felicity: Is this a joke?
Anya: Of course it is. Me, a demon? Demons are big, ugly things. Can you imagine me as one?
Jackie: Is that really the truth, Anya?
Xander: Yes. Yes it is. Now, leave my girlfriend alone.
Jackie: We didn't prepare a tiebreaker round, so I'll just give both teams five barrels of rice. Good work teams. See you tomorrow for the Protection Test. *Jackie goes to her boat to leave for the main land. After all, hosts never stay in gross islands.*
Teams W and B return to their campsites after giving each other one more panicky glance. Who was this person who knew a little too much about their lives?
Team W's camp- the next day:
Buffy and Willow are taking a walk on the beach.
Buffy: Is it just me or is this trip really weird?
Willow: It is! I mean it isn't just you. I don't even remember entering a contest to get on the show. And, why would I enter a contest like this? It just isn't like me to want to live on a deserted island with 16 people on national TV. Million dollars or not.
Buffy: I know! I don't even remember leaving Sunnydale. I went to bed and woke up on the boat on my way here. And, why am I here? I'm the Slayer. I should be guarding the Hellmouth. Not spending time on an island with some of my friends,my boyfriend, my ex and- Speaking of Angel, how can Angel and Spike be here. The sun isn't exactly kind to them.
Willow: It just doesn't make sense. Not even Sunnydale sense.
Later the same day: The teams meet with Jackie to do the Protection Test.
Jackie: Hey, everyone. Today's Protection Test will allow the winning team to have immunity. The other team will come to the Family Assembly and vote for one of their team members to leave the island. Today's challenge is a mountain climbing race. Each team must choose one member to compete. Which ever racer makes it to the top first wins Protection for their team. Who will be competing for Team W?
Buffy: I will.
Jackie: For Team B?
Spike: I will.
Jackie: Ok, let's move to the mountain. We'll get you two suited up and harnessed.
Buffy and Spike got ready for the climb. Jackie announced for them to start. They were neck-in-neck all the way up to the halfway point. Spike got tired of being tied and tried to knock Buffy out of the race. The chip in his head stopped him from actually touching her and caused such great pain he fell and found himself bouncing in the air by his safety wire, screaming SLAAAAAYERRR!!! the whole time. Of course, Buffy ended up winning.
Joey: Yea! Go Buffy! We won Protection!
Pacey: Pretty decent.
Joey: What does slaaaaayerrrrrr mean? Is Spike ok?
Cordelia: Depends on what your definition of ok is.
Xander: I'd say Spike isn't 'ok' by any definition.
Jackie: Congratulations Team W! You have won Protection. Team B, I will see you at the Family Assembly tonight.
Later that night: Team B meets Jackie at the Family Assembly
Jackie: Hello everyone and welcome to our first Family Assembly. Unfortunately, since you are here it means one of you will be voted off the island tonight. Now, one by one, I want each of you to go up the confessional. There, you write the name of the person you think deserves to leave and why. The person with the most votes against them will be asked to leave the island. When he or she leaves the rest of the team may return to your camp. That person will make a final confession at the booth at the end of this ramp. A plane will take you back home tomorrow morning. Ok, that's it. Cordelia why don't you start us off with your vote.
One by one the players make their way to the confessional and vote.
Cordelia: I'm voting for Xander. He's my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me with Willow- a nerd in high school. pretends to cry I'm still heartbroken. *pauses* Aaron Spelling, give me a call. I'd be perfect for your new teen drama.
Dawson: I'm voting for Cordelia. She seems like a nice girl, but of all my team members she's the only one who doesn't really do her share of the work. Besides, she doesn't really seem to want to be here anymore. This morning she was almost in tears because she didn't have a hairdryer.
Felicity: Oh, God. This was really hard to do. I can't stand picking people out like this. I mean, I don't really feel like I know any of these people well. I'm going to vote for Cordelia though. She doesn't seem like the outdoorsy type and somehow I don't think she'll mind getting home to her hairdryer.
Spike: Xander. That's my vote. I can't stand him.
Xander: Spike. I'm voting for him. We aren't friends and never will be.
Jen: I'm casting my vote for Cordelia. Dawson and I were talking about it earlier and I really don't think this is her kind of place. Plus, I don't like her attitude.
Max: I'm voting for Jen. I don't know why, but I don't like her. Sorry Jen.
Anya: Jen was eyeing Xander earlier today, so I'm voting for her. That girl is way too boy-crazy. And, I want to be the last girl on our team.
Jackie goes up to the confessional and counts the votes.
Jackie: I have counted the votes. Jen, you got 2. Xander, you got 2. Spike, you got 1. She pauses I'm sorry, Cordelia, but you got 3. It is time for you to leave.
Cordelia nods and leaves the area.
Spike: Alright let's have it, who voted for me?
Cordelia at the confession booth off the island:
Well, they voted me off the island. Not that I'm really surprised. I bet Xander talked the others into voting for me. I don't think island living's for me. It's too buggy and it's killing my hair. Plus, this whole trip is really weird. How'd we get here? Why are we here? Other than the obvious answers, on the boat and to win the million, who knows? I thought Sunnydale was creepy, but this place is just plain freaky. She starts to leave Oh and Spelling, I'm serious call me. Or any other big shot Hollywood directors, I am totally interested. As long as I have nighttime off for my other job.
The next day: the teams meet for the next Protection Test
Buffy, Riley, Willow, and Angel are standing in a cluster talking
Riley: Do you know who they voted off last night?
Angel: I don't know. Who's missing from their team?
Buffy: Well, there's Xander and Anya making out. Spike's drinking something red from a mug- ew. Dawson and Jen are talking. Felicity and Max are talking to Jackie.
Willow: Cordelia. Cordelia's not there.
Buffy: Why does this not surprise me?
Angel: Poor Cor. She would've loved to win.
Willow and Buffy stare at him in shock.
Angel: Believe it or not, she has changed since high school.
Willow: That is a little hard to believe.
Jackie: Ok, people, it's time to start the next test. Each team should pick someone to compete for them. Today's contest is a slug eating competition. The representatives from the two teams will try to eat the most slugs. Whoever wins gets protection for their team. Who's competing for Team W?
Ben: I am.
Jackie: Team B?
Xander: I am.
Xander and Ben are each handed a bucket of live slugs. Ben eats one and then throws up. Xander eats nine.
Jackie: The tides have changed. Congratulations Team B on your win. Team W I will see you for Family Assembly tonight.
Back at the Team W camp:
Buffy: I can't believe we lost. I thought you could eat anything, Ben!
Ben: Have you ever tried eating a live slug?
Buffy: And you have? I don't call vomiting the second you taste it eating it.
Willow: You guys, calm down. We were bound to lose eventually. Besides, Xander's stomach is made of steel. We didn't stand a chance.
Ben: Why are you critizing me, Willow? I haven't seen you lift one finger to help us since we got here.
Willow: I wasn't cr-criticizing I was-
Ben: Helping? Right, you're a big help. All you do is hide in Buffy's shadow.
Buffy: Willow doesn't hide in my shadow! And, who do you think you are to talk to her like this?
Willow: It's ok, Buffy. I can h-handle this.
Ben: S-sure y-you c-can. God! You all are the biggest losers I have ever met. *Ben stormed off.*
Buffy: What a jerk!
Willow: It's ok. He seems nice. He just doesn't have a great temper.
Buffy: Really? I didn't notice.
Ben took a walk around the island until he was near the Team B camp. He saw Felicity and motioned for her to come over. They walked together up to a cliff overlooking the water.
Felicity: I think I like my team. They all seem really nice.
Ben: Mine hates me.
Felicity: Why do they hate you?
Ben *sheepishly*: I sort of let my temper-
Felicity: You didn't!
Ben: I blew up at this one girl for no reason and now all the girls are out to get me. Don't expect to see me tomorrow.
Felicity: Why don't you apologize and beg them not to vote you off?
Ben: It's too late. Assembly's in twenty minutes.
Later that night at the second Family Assembly
Jackie: Welcome Team W to your first Family Assembly. I assume all of you know the rules by now, so you may each go up and cast you vote.
One by one they each went to the confessional and cast their vote.
Angel: I'm voting for Riley because I know he's going to vote for me. Besides, I don't like him.
Liz: I'm voting for Joey. She seems really nice and I like her, but she doesn't seem to be as crucial for the team as everyone else.
Joey: I'm voting for Liz. She seems really nice and I like her, but she doesn't seem to be as crucial for the team as everyone else.
Ben: I'm voting for Buffy because she annoys me. And, if she hadn't helped Willow, she wouldn't have stood up to me. Even though I wasn't as nice as I could have been. It was a tough choice between her and Willow.
Buffy: My vote goes to Ben because he's a jerk. Well, when he's angry. He's nice the rest of the time.
Willow: I-I'm voting for Ben. He seems nice and all, but his temper is bad. I don't want to spend the rest of my time here with someone who gets upset about every little thing. Sorry, Ben.
Pacey: My vote goes to Ben because he had no right to yell at Willow like that.
Riley: I'm voting for Angel because I can't stand him. And, he's a vam- umpire.
Jackie *after tallying the votes*: Angel, Riley, Liz, Buffy, and Joey each got one vote. I'm sorry Ben, but the other 3 votes were for you. It is time for you to leave.
Ben stood up and without even looking back left the island.
Ben at the confessional off the island:
I knew it! I knew it was my turn to leave! I guess I deserved it. I was a jerk earlier today and haven't been the easiest person to get along with since I came here. Good luck everyone. I wish you all well and am leaving here without my anger. I leave that as a gift for you. Not literally, figuratively. Or something like that. I was asleep during English that day. Well, this is it. Goodbye everyone. See you back in New York, Felicity, whenever you get voted out.
The Next Day and the next Protection Test
Jackie: Ok, everyone, hear we are for our third Protection Test. This one is a swimming relay. Both teams now have seven member each. The 14 contestants will line up the different markers. The first team to get their final swimmer across the line wins Protection.
Buffy and Xander were the first swimmers for their teams. Buffy reached Willow before Xander reached Anya. Willow was halfway to Angel by the time Anya started swimming to Spike. Spike was a fast swimmer and he and Angel were tied for most of their lap. Angel tagged Joey at the same moment Spike tagged Max. Joey and Max were less than a foot apart the whole time. After they were done, Pacey and Felicity were up. Pacey beat her easily and sent Riley off. Jen wasn't too far behind him though. Liz and Dawson were the last swimmers. Liz's foot got caught in the sand and she couldn't swim. Dawson easily won that round and the Protection for his team.
Later that night at the Family Assembly
Jackie: You know the drill. Go vote.
Each person voted one at a time, yada yada yada
Angel: I'm voting for Riley again. Same reason as yesterday.
Liz: Um, I'm going to vote for Willow. No reason. It doesn't even matter since I overheard Joey, Pacey, Buffy, and Willow planning to vote for me.
Joey: My vote goes to Liz. She seems really nice, but she made us lose today and... no other reason.
Buffy: I'm voting for Liz. I wish there was someone else, but... Are you sure we can't vote for people on the other team? I'd love to see Spike go.
Willow: I'm voting for Liz. No offense to her or anything. There really isn't a reason behind my vote.
Pacey: I'm voting for Liz. Sorry and good luck.
Riley: Angel
Jackie after counting the votes: Angel, Riley, and Willow each got one vote. I'm sorry Liz, but it is time for you to leave.
Liz *at the confessional*: Looks like my team has an alliance. Well, I figured I was going to be the next one to go. There was something about the way everyone was looking at me when we lost. Bye everyone! Have a good rest of the game. Max, see you back in Roswell. Compared to this place, it should be relaxing.
The Next Day:
Jackie: Ok, people welcome to the new Protection Test. This is another test of your knowledge of the other people. Since Team B has one more member, please choose one person to sit this game out.
Max: I will.
Jackie: Everyone else, get ready for your first question. After a minute of everyone staring at her Team W, what century was Angel born in?
Buffy *whispering*: the 18th
Jackie: Correct! Team B, who is Dawson's idol?
Jen: Steven Spielberg
Jackie: Correct! Team W, what is Joey's real name?
Pacey: Josephine Potter
Jackie: Correct! Team B, Why did Felicity decide to go to college in New York?
Everyone looks at Felicity who looks away.
Jackie: Time's up. Felicity?
Felicity: There were many reasons.
Jackie: Wasn't one more important to you than the others? Felicity looks away. Team W, you are now ahead by one point. What is Buffy's destiny?
Willow, Riley, and Angel: She is the Chosen One.
Jackie: Correct!
Buffy to Willow: How'd she know that? I didn't drop a stake anywhere or something, did I?
Willow: I don't think so.
Jackie: Team B, what does Spike like to call himself?
Xander and Anya: The Big Bad
Jackie: Correct! Team W, why did Willow's last boyfriend leave her?
Buffy whispers: He was a werewolf and had to learn how to control his powers.
Jackie: Correct! Willow, hon, how are you holding up since Oz left? You know, he did it for you own good.
Willow: I'm fine.
Jackie: Good! Now, Team B, when did Xander tell Willow he loved her?
Everyone, especially Willow, looks at Xander in shock.
Jackie: Time's up. Xander?
Xander: When she was in a coma.
Jackie: Moving on, Team W, what is Pacey's sister's name who he is living with?
Joey: Gretchen
Jackie: Correct! Team B, what is the name of the guy who recently dumped Jen and
broke her heart?
Dawson: Henry
Jackie: Correct! Team W, does Buffy really love Riley?
Buffy: Of course I do!
Jackie: Wrong.
Buffy: What???? I do!
Jackie: Moving on, Team B, what is Anya's real name?
Xander: Anyanka
Jackie: Correct, but Team W is still our winner. Team B, see you at Assembly.
That night at Family Assembly:
Jackie: Go vote.
Max: I'm voting for Jen again. Not sure why. I just don't like her.
Dawson: I'm voting for Max. He seems odd.
Felicity: I'm voting for Max. He seems different from everyone else. Sorry, Max.
Spike: Xander
Xander: Spike. That's all I'm gonna say.
Jen: Max because he's going to vote for me.
Anya: Jen. She was looking at my Xander again.
Jackie: Jen got 2 votes, Xander and Spike each got one and Max got 3. Sorry, Max.
Max at the confessional: Um, I'm really bad at these things. I'm just going to say bye and leave. *pauses* Bye.
The Next Day at the Next Challenge:
Jackie: Today we're going to cook up a storm. That's right. We're having a cooking contest. Each team must make soup. The ingredients have been taken back to your camps. The best soup wins that team Protection.
Team W camp:
Pacey: I still say we let Joey cook. She's the best one here.
Riley: I am not going to sit back and be useless. There has to be something I can do.
Angel: You could go get lost.
Riley: One more word from y-
Buffy *stepping between them*: Stop it, both of you! to Pacey I can cook too. Well, sort of. I made Thanksgiving dinner last year.
Willow: Yeah! And that was really yummy.
Joey: We can both cook then.
Buffy and Joey mix the ingredients together to make the soup. It's almost done when Riley gets tired of watching and decides to help. He walks over with some mushrooms, but trips and lands in the soup, spilling it everywhere.
Team B Camp:
Jen: So, can anyone here actually cook?
Everyone looks at her blankly. Finally, one by one they throw random ingredients into the pot, including dirt, grass, and blood (Spike's addition).
Back at the Protection Test
Jackie: So, teams, do we have some good soup?
Pacey: We had a great soup, but then it kind of became not so great.
Jackie: Where is it now?
Pacey: Mostly on Riley.
Jackie: Team B, did you fare any better?
Jen: We have soup.
Jackie: Then you win by process of elimination. You can go back to camp now and enjoy your meal.
Team B: No thanks!
That night at the Family Assembly:
Jackie: Do I even need to say it?
Angel: I'm voting for Riley again.
Joey: I'm voting for Riley. He really messed us up today.
Buffy: I'm voting for Pacey 'cause I don't want to vote for any of my friends and I know Joey better, so... Sorry, Pace. I hope this doesn't effect the vote any.
Willow: Um, I'm voting for Riley. He kind of hurt our chances at winning today. Sorry, Riley and Buffy.
Pacey: Riley. Same reason as everyone else.
Riley: Angel.
Jackie: Angel and Pacey each got 1 vote. The rest went to Riley. Sorry, Riley.
Riley at the confessional: Bye Buffy. starts to leave Don't do anything with Angel.
The Next Day:
Jackie: Today, you're going to build a raft. By the way, this is your last day as 2 teams. After tonight's Family Assembly, the teams will merge and it'll be everyone on their own.
Team W camp:
Pacey: Anyone know how to build a raft?
Buffy: Riley does. God, why couldn't you have given him another chance. It was a mistake. Everyone makes them.
Everyone looks away from her. She storms off into the woods.
Willow: I'm going to I-I should- she follows Buffy
Pacey: We're dropping like flies. This is definitely a good sign.
Angel trying to take charge: I think we can... everyone else makes the raft
Willow wanders around the forest trying to find Buffy.
Willow: Buffy! Buffy, where are you? Where is she? Willow thought desperately.
Suddenly, an arm covered Willow's mouth. She tried to scream, but it was no use. Willow felt herself being dragged somewhere. She tried to kick her captor, but it was no use. Finally, they came to a stop. Willow looked up to see….
Willow: Spike!!!!
Spike: I got one.
Willow looked around and realized she was at the Team B camp. She saw Buffy on the beach making their raft.
Xander: Hey, Will! We couldn't figure out how to do this, so Spike suggested we get
someone who did. We asked Buffy to this morning. You don't mind, do you?
Willow: I guess not.
Willow and Buffy worked on the raft while Team B stood over them watching. Little did Team B know, their captives were not happy at the idea of being captives. They would realize that as soon as they attempted to float on the raft….
Jackie: Let's see these rafts.
Both rafts looked identical. Same color, size, etc. Except...
Team B's sunk the moment it hit the water. Someone tied rocks to it!
Jackie: It looks like Team W is our winner.
Family Assembly:
After everyone has voted.
Jackie: Jen, Xander, and Spike each got one vote. I'm sorry Felicity, but it is time for you
to go.
Felicity at the confessional: Wow. I knew I'd have to leave eventually, but I thought Spike was going to be next since it was his idea to makeBuffy and Willow make our raft. Guess I was wrong. Bye everyone.
The Next Day:
Jackie: Hello everyone! Today is your first day as one team, Team WB. There will not be any competitions today so that you can get to know each other better. Have fun!
For the reader's (and the writer's) convience: the remaining characters are: Team W: Angel, Joey, Buffy, Willow, and Pacey. Team B: Dawson, Spike, Xander, Jen, and Anya
Team WB camp:
Willow and Buffy sit together talking on the beach. They decide to form a mini-alliance. Angel tries to catch some rats to drink their blood since his supply ran out. Spike stands near him hoping to get some blood. Pacey, Joey, Jen, and Dawson sit together talking. Well, Pacey and Dawson refuse to speak to each other, but everyone else talks. Xander and Anya go off to be alone.
The Next Day:
Jackie: We're going to have a scavenger hunt today. The first person back wins protection. This means no one can vote them off at the Family Assembly today.
Everyone splits up and runs into the woods to find the various kinds of leaves on the list. Buffy stops when she realizes she doesn't know what any of the names on her list are and starts grabbing random leaves. Angel gets all of his leaves, but gets mad when he realizes Spike is following and copying him. Joey and Pacey decide to stick together, but end up getting lost, not that they mind… Dawson gets half his leaves, but gets distracted by a waterfall and pulls out his camera to take pictures. Jen refuses to go into the woods and ends up sitting on the beach waiting for everyone else to come back. Xander and Anya come back first, but they had never even noticed the game had started because they were still having togetherness time. Willow's the first one back with all the leaves and therefore wins protection.
Family Assembly:
Jackie: Remember, you can vote for anyone except Willow.
Angel: Spike. He's really getting to me.
Joey: I'm voting for Jen because she told me she really wants to go home.
Buffy: Spike. Do you really want me to explain why?
Willow: I'm voting for Spike.
Pacey: I'm voting for Jen. Joey says she wants to go home.
Dawson: Pacey.
Jen: I'm voting for myself. I want to go home. I'm really sick of the wilderness.
Xander: Spike. Same as before.
Anya: Jen. Stop going after my man!
Spike: Angel. He's starting to get to me.
Jackie: Spike got 3 votes, Angel and Pacey each got 1. Jen got 4 votes. Jen, it's time for you to leave. Sorry.
Jen at the confessional: Yes! Yes! Yes! Um, sorry. I just really want to get out of here. This whole thing is way too freaky for me. Besides, who really wants a million dollars?
The Next Day:
Jackie *boredly*: Go dive for pennies. Winner gets protection. Blah. Will this game ever end?
Everyone dives in the water and tries to get as many pennies as possible. Spike wins by stealing everyone else's.
Family Assembly:
Angel: I'm voting for Xander because he's going to vote for me.
Joey: I'm voting for Willow. No reason.
Buffy: Dawson. No reason.
Willow: I'm voting for Dawson. Um, not really for any reason.
Pacey: Dawson. He voted for me yesterday, so right back at you, brother.
Dawson: Pacey.
Spike: Angel.
Xander: Angel.
Anya: Joey. She's the only girl left other than Buffy, Willow, and me and friendship does mean something to me.
Jackie: Dawson, you got the old heave hoe. Time to go.
Dawson at the confessional: I could give a long, boring speech, but I'm not. Bye.
Back at Camp WB:
Spike, Xander, and Anya decide to form an alliance. Pacey and Joey join forces with Willow and Buffy.
The Next Day:
Jackie: Archery contest. Have fun.
Everyone's really bad at it except for Buffy and Angel. Buffy ends up winning. All that work with crossbows really came in handy.
Family Assembly:
Angel: Spike
Joey: Spike
Buffy: Spike
Willow: Spike
Pacey: Spike
Spike: Angel
Xander: Angel
Anya: Angel- reluctantly
Jackie while painting her nails: Bye Spike.
Spike at the confessional: Bye? Those ninnies voted me off. Can you imagine? Me? The Big Bad? Voted off some game show I don't even remember entering. I hope you all die a long miserable death.
The Next Day:
Helicopters circle the island. The remaining contestants stare at Jackie as she grows more and more panicked and insane.
Jackie: Uh oh! They're almost on to me. Must finish story!!!! Anya got voted off next. Then Xander. Then Joey. Then, Pacey. The final round was down to Willow and Buffy. Willow won. *Screaming* Everyone get out of here. Go back to your normal lives before-
Washington DC, the next day.
Scully: Mulder, you expect me to believe that 16 people were abducted by-
Mulder: Not abducted, Scully. Kidnapped. By someone named Jackie. She kept insisting they were part of this game show she was hosting. They were pulled out of their normal lives and brainwashed into thinking they could drop all of the normal things in their lives and go on her show. She forced them to act completely out of character. And, she had fun doing it! Scully, she has to be stopped!
Scully: Mulder, this is the most absurd-
Mulder: I have witnesses. *points to hallway where all 16 contestants stand waiting. Scully stares back at Mulder shocked.*
Out of the shadows of the FBI building, steps... drum roll... Jackie
Jackie: *evil laughter* They will never catch me! No one will ever catch me!
A voice: Hope! Time for dinner.
Jackie: Hope? Who's Hope?
Voice: I know it's you Hope. You can fool everyone, but you can't fool me.
Jackie: Noooooo! *Her face falls off to reveal Hope*
Hope's mother: Honey, turn off the computer and come eat. Did you do your homework?
Hope: Yes, mom. Just finishing it. *Hope moans*
Author's Note:
Yes, I know that was out of character and the timing is all off. But, I wrote it several months ago so it was right then except Mulder shouldn't be in it.
Plus, this is meant to be funny. I hope it was semi-amusing. Thanks for reading! PLEASE REVIEW!!!
Oh, and sorry for spelling mistakes/ grammar mistakes. There were probably a bunch of them...
- Hope (who has been locked up in a nice padded room to prevent any more butcherings of characters' personalities)
Disclaimer: I DON'T own anything except myself and I am related to my mom. Dawson's Creek, Roswell, and Felicity belong to the WB and their producers. Buffy and Angel belong to Joss Whedon and the WB. The X-Files belongs to FOX and Chris Carter. I "bored" the idea for this from the show "Surviver". That belongs to CBS and other people. I think that covers it all... I don't own anything!