Chapter Ten
As had been arranged, the convoy came to Fanelia last, embarking from Asturia and passing through Freid to collect their contingent before doubling back to head through Fanelia to Zaibach. It was really one large transport ship for supplies and troops and two smaller, more manoeuvrable ones. One of them was Crusade.
Most Fanelians had seen nothing like this since the invasion. While the whale-like white ship rode at anchor near the city, they had a tendency to glance up at it nervously, as though reassuring themselves that it was doing nothing they should be worried about. Crusade and the other smaller ship, a Freid vessel called Lion Rampant, were less intimidating. Gear was loaded; the Fanelian soldiers, all that could be spared, got on board. Of course, there were not many. Despite what Van had said, there was no way Fanelia could make an equal contribution in terms of men. They had had a smaller army to begin with and it had been hugely depleted by Zaibach's attack. Most of the men were still needed at home. Next to the ranks of serious, bullet-headed warrior-monks from Freid they looked rather pitiful. The Asturian contingent were somewhere between the two, including dapper crack troops from the capital, but also the raffish crew of Crusade. Allen had been insistent about sending them, saying he didn't want anyone else to fly his ship. They tended to regard themselves as hardened veterans and were very much at home on the ship, laughing rather at the more earnest soldiers, who despised them in turn for being a motley crew and not caring that they were. At present, they obeyed Serena, but gave the impression they did so mainly because Gadeth wanted them to.
'They just need time to get used to you and realise they can take you seriously,' Gadeth told her. 'You'll have to pass certain tests. They'll try to get you stinking drunk at least once.'
'Was it like this for Allen?' she asked. They were sitting at the very edge of the launch bay of Crusade, dangling their legs over the side, watching the sun go down behind the Fanelian hills. In the morning they would set out for Zaibach. Scherazade loomed comfortingly behind them. They were hoping not to need it, but there could still be active melefs in Zaibach. The large ship carried more.
'Oh, worse. I mean, think about it, there we were out in the swamp, thinking we were really hard bastards, rejects and rebels, and he gets off the boat with shiny boots and white gloves and long blond hair. Our last captain had died of an infection and they hadn't sent us anyone new for nearly a month and then, there's Allen Crusade Schezar the Eighth, the prettyboy, the ladykiller. People were making bets on how long before he died or went crazy.'
'How did he win their respect, then?'
'Well when people tell stories, there's one moment when it all changes over, but really it was just gradual. We couldn't help respecting him, because of the way he was every day, and because he respected us, which was so new it really knocked us for a loop. Although he did beat Teo arm-wrestling, I suppose that impressed some people. You want to try that?'
'Teo's arm is bigger than my leg,' Serena said. 'I'll just have to start from scratch. This is one of those times when nothing I remember from Dilandau's life would be any use. I really don't think the crew will put up with being slapped all the time.'
'The last thing you need at this stage is a reputation as a slapper.'
'Maybe I should get a whip.'
Gadeth's shoulders shook. 'You're doing it deliberately now, aren't you? That's a very, very disturbing image.' He shook his head and chuckled.
'I'd rather you were disturbed by it than delighted.' She had a little smirk on her face.
'Just don't repeat it in front of the guys. They'll be saying I'm whipped anyway and I don't want them to think it's literal.'
'Why will they say you're whipped? I don't bully you.'
'They'll say I'm whipped,' he said, and lowered his voice confidentially, 'because there's nothing I wouldn't do for you.' He took her hand and held it in both his own. 'And they'll say it because just sitting here with you with the sun going down is pretty much perfect happiness for me.'
'I'll have to make sure you stay whipped, then,' Serena said. Something creaked behind them. They both turned sharply to see Brother Ailo crossing the bay behind them.
'Don't mind me, please,' he said. 'You're very sweet together, and I'm just looking for the, the thing. You call it a head on these ships, don't you?'
'There's one just down that corridor, first on the left,' Serena said, pointing. Beside her, Gadeth was turning tomato red. Brother Ailo ambled off.
'I can't believe someone heard me saying that!' Gadeth groaned. 'I mean, I can say those things to you, but I don't want anyone else to hear them! I feel like a complete pillock!'
'But he didn't laugh. He thought it was sweet, he said.'
'I don't want people to think I'm sweet!'
'I think you are.'
'You're an exception. Eargh. Thank God it wasn't any of the guys.'
'You're so cute when you're dying of embarrassment,' she said, and kissed him on the cheek.
The next morning, Van stood where they had been sitting, watching Fanelia recede into the distance. It was a dangerous place to stand, especially when the ship was moving, but he wanted to watch until it was out of sight. They were rising into the clouds, and 'out of sight' came sooner than he would have expected or wished. It was freezing cold, so after a bit he went to the small cabin set aside for him. It was rather dark and low-ceilinged, but the bunk was pretty comfortable, and there was another above it that he didn't have to share so he could keep junk up there or sit on it. It would be good enough for a few weeks, or however long this turned out to take. Last night he had just slung his duffel up onto the top bunk, hung his sword from a bracket on the wall and flopped down to sleep. He had decided to spend the night on board to get used to it, and also because all the time he was in the castle he was worried he would run into Meruru, though she seemed to be avoiding him too.
Kissing her had clearly been the wrong thing to do. It hadn't been disagreeable, although it had been too awkward and nerve-wracking to be enjoyable, and it had definitely driven a wedge between them. So my first kiss was with someone who's practically my little sister, and I upset her. Really great. He was standing in the corridor with his hand on the door of his cabin now, and his thoughts were interrupted by a small sound from inside, as though someone had moved in there. The cabins were reasonably soundproof, so it would have to be something substantial to make a noise in there that he could hear out here. Suspicious, but not yet alarmed, he opened the door.
Meruru was sitting on the bottom bunk, rubbing her head. Van recognised the gesture; when he woke up that morning he had sat up too quickly and cracked his head on the edge of the bunk above too. The bump must have been what he had heard; perhaps she had heard him coming down the passage and risen to meet him.
'Meruru!' he said. 'What are you doing here?'
'I stowed away,' she said ruefully. 'I hid in that cupboard till we were well away and then I got out to wait for you.' She pointed to the locker built into the wall.
'Why would you do that? What about taking care of things while I'm gone? And when did you - were you in there all night?'
'No! I got in early this morning while everyone was getting ready to take off. You were already up and out. And you don't need to worry. I've left lists and instructions and deputised everything. Everyone knows their jobs anyway. I just thought that I couldn't let you go off alone. We were together the last time you went away, once I caught up with you, and I realised I just couldn't manage now if I couldn't keep an eye on you and know you were all right.'
'I was counting on you,' he said, a little helplessly.
'But my place is with you!' she cried.
I wish I could understand what she's thinking. 'Meruru - about what happened yesterday'
'Nothing happened yesterday,' Meruru said firmly. 'Everything is just how it's always been, Van-sama.'
'Oh.' This makes even less sense. 'Was it - I mean, was it a bad kiss?'
'I have no recollection of any kissing.' She shook her head firmly.
'Meruru,' he said, sitting down beside her, 'it's all right if you don't want to do it again, but pretending we never did is just silly.' She looked down at her knees, blushing.
'I thought it would be easier.'
'I'm sorry if it wasn't very nice for you I wasn't even sure I was doing it right.'
'There wasn't anything wrong with the kiss,' Meruru said. 'That was perfectly fine. But I'd thought it would be wonderful to be kissed by you and instead it's just confusing.'
'I'm sorry.' What's wrong with me?
'But we can go back to being friends,' she said. 'Just like always. That'll be good, won't it?' She gave him a look of entreaty.
'Of course it will,' he said, and hugged her. It took a moment for her to relax, to be sure that it was just a hug and nothing more complicated was going to happen, but after that they both felt better. It occurred to Van with a little pang of sadness that she was probably never going to lick his face any more. She hadn't done that often for a while, anyway.
'I'll just tell the others you decided to come at the last minute,' he said. 'This works out really well - now all the sides have two representatives. Did you bring your things with you?'
'Of course I did,' she said. 'My bag's in the locker. I'm a very prepared stowaway. I've got warm clothes, I've got my toothbrush, I've even got my good dress in case - well, in case there's an occasion for it. And I brought something you forgot.'
She went to the locker, pulled out her bag and from it produced the rose-coloured Draco-Energist Van had used to power Escaflowne; the stone he had taken from the dragon he killed and used in a blood pact with the guymelef.
'I thought you might need it. Because you haven't been wearing Hitomi's pendant any more, and who knows what will happen.'
'Actually' Van said. He was wearing a thick grey sweater with a roll neck, to stop the cold striking into his bones. He fished inside the collar and pulled out the pendant. 'I didn't forget it again.'
'Well, good,' Meruru said. The look on her face was unreadable. 'I wondered why you left it behind when you went to Asturia. Just a mistake, I guess. And it might be useful to have both of them with us, mightn't it? I'll put this back away and keep it safe for you.' She dropped the rough sphere back in her bag and replaced it in the locker.
'Thanks,' he said. 'Listen, you can choose - do you want the top bunk or the bottom one?'
'Can I have the top?'
'Sure you can.'
'Great! I always like the top one best.' She smiled brightly, determined to be her old self.
The first day out had gone well. Nothing too unexpected had happened, bar Meruru's appearance, and that wasn't likely to cause any problems. All three ships were flying smoothly and they were making good time towards Zaibach, with an ETA of the following afternoon or early evening. Serena was beginning to feel that she was managing, although she was uncomfortably aware that she hadn't really had anything to manage so far. It's just nerves, she told herself. Like getting back on a horse that's thrown you. Keep going and you'll come out on the other side.
She had had a strange conversation with Van that afternoon; he'd wandered up to the bridge and kept drifting around, looking at things and not talking. It was annoying. After a while he'd approached her and said, in an undertone, 'You consider yourself the expert on love, right?'
'Not really,' she said. 'You're not going to harp on that, are you?'
'I just want to ask a question. Get a woman's perspective, that sort of thing. You're the only one around to ask.' He was frowning with embarrassment.
'Go ahead.'
'Can you think why anyone would seem to be in love with me for a long time but not really be?'
'Are you sure they're not?' she asked, amused. 'A handsome guy like you'
'I thought you didn't like me,' he said, startled.
'Well, you don't have to like someone to be able to see they're good-looking,' she said. He was blushing as well as frowning now, and she felt a little self-conscious herself, which was ridiculous. 'I mean, you must know. Look at you. If I had eyes like that I could have half the world at my feet.'
'There's nothing special about my eyes,' Van said defensively. 'That's not what I'm asking about, anyway, I mean why would someone seem to be really keen on anyone, for ages, and then really not be when there was a chance to be together?'
'Is this a you and Hitomi thing?' Serena asked.
'It doesn't matter who it is,' he said. 'I'm asking for an opinion, that's all.'
'I just don't know,' she said. 'Except that sometimes what you think you want isn't that great when you get it. Or it just turns out to be different from what you'd imagined. Life is complicated and people are weird. I don't think there'd be just one answer why. The "person" might not even know why herself.'
'Well, you're very helpful,' he said sourly.
'It's not Meruru, is it? She's - how old is she, anyway? She looks like a little girl.'
'She had her birthday in summer, during the war. She's fourteen now,' Van said, 'and don't worry, I'm not doing anything with Meruru. We've known each other since we were babies and it would be weird.'
'Just as well,' she said. 'Is liking catgirls a Fanelian thing generally, or just a peculiarity of you and your brother?'
'Beastpeople are equal subjects in Fanelia,' Van said. 'Everyone lives and works together. There's nothing peculiar about friendships between humans and beastpeople.'
'Oh, I know. The best friend I ever had was a houndman. He was a slave, though. If you care about beastpeople, you'll find a lot of work in Zaibach, I guess. They've had it very hard there.'
'I guess,' he said. 'Well, thank you for your thoughts.' And he'd wandered off. Serena wasn't sure if she now knew more than she wanted to about his life, or whether she would have to try to find out more. She decided to put the thought away and re-examine it later if it seemed necessary. She rather thought the attempt at getting her stinking drunk was going to happen tonight; more than one member of the crew had taken the time to remind her they were holding a little party, 'Crusaders only,' partly to celebrate that they were off to a good start, partly to drink to their future success. She had been wondering whether holding herself aloof from this kind of thing might be the best way after all, until Gadeth said that he was going and seemed surprised that she would think of staying away. 'You don't want it to look like you think you're too good for them,' he said, 'although frankly, you are.'
'God, I feel sick.'
'Hang on a little longer, we're nearly there.' They were weaving their way down the passage to their cabin; Serena was having problems with the level of the floor, which just wouldn't stay the same from one step to the next.
'S'one should do s'thing about this turbulence,' she muttered. ''S dangerous.'
'It's in your head,' Gadeth told her. He was steadier on his feet than she was, and more or less holding her up. He found the cabin door, and after a couple of false starts, got it open. Serena tumbled in and sat down on the floor.
'I feel sick!'
'You'll probably throw up in a few minutes and feel better.' Gadeth stepped over her and lay face-down on the bunk. 'This is better, this is much better.'
'Just what you need to see, me throwing up, that'll keep the magic in our marriage.' They had left a lamp lit and the circles of light around it were very strange.
'I'm pretty hard to disgust.'
'Do you think I managed all right?'
'I thought you were fan-bloody-tastic.'
'I showed them.' She lay back on the floor and watched the ceiling closely.
''fit makes you feel better, Baile's going to feel even worse than you do when he wakes up. You lit'rally drank him under the table.' Serena's head was close to the edge of the bunk, and Gadeth put his arm over the side and sort of patted her hair.
'Am I a good puppy?'
'Puppy my arse. I can't move any more than this.'
'I showed them, though. And I learned their stupid song and I sang it better than they did.'
'Not hard when nearly all the words are ya ya yaa or na na naa.'
'Well, that's why it's a good song.' The feeling of nausea was passing now she was lying still. Maybe she would be all right if she just kept very very still for the rest of the night. Then all she would have to worry about was her head falling off.
'And I think they were quite surprised by that joke you told. Actually, I was surprised by that one.'
'Well, you can blame Mr Migel Labariel for that one, but we shouldn't speak ill of the dead.'
'But we should definitely recycle their dirty stories.'
'He would have liked it that way. I think I'm going to go to sleep right here.'
'Good idea. I'll go to sleep over here, and we'll be twins.'
For a while there was no sound except their breathing and the constant background hum of the ship.
'You know how you can't kiss your own elbows?' Serena said suddenly.
'It's a limitation of which I am aware, yes. I don't let it bother me any more.'
'How did anyone find that out? Why were they trying?'
Gadeth started to laugh into his pillow.
'No, seriously.'
'I always wonder who figured out you could get milk out of a cow, and what he was doing at the time.'
'Eughk!' Serena had the giggles now. 'Okay, I can't kiss my elbows, but I can touch my nose with my tongue. Which is so useful.'
'I used to be good at turning my eyelids inside out.'
'Well, that's just childish and disgusting.'
'You're not going to sleep, are you?'
'Hell no. I'm having Very Deep Thoughts. I'm going to solve the mysteries that bedevil philosophers. Like how do cats purr?'
'And what would happen if you could keep your eyes open when you sneezed?'
'Oh, I know that. Your eyeballs would pop out and dangle on the ends of the optic nerves and you'd have to pick them up and point them with your hands when you wanted to look at anything.'
'And how did anyone find that out?'
'Probably sneezed while they were turning their eyelids inside out' She was quiet for a while more. Her breathing grew slower and deeper and Gadeth realised she was asleep now. Very Deep Thoughts would just have to wait.
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