Chapter Fifteen
When Serena got back to her cabin she found that Gadeth was already in bed, and apparently asleep. She got undressed as quietly as she could and crept in beside him. The bunk was really only built for one, but since they tended to sleep curled together they weren't finding that too inconvenient. Even asleep, he responded to her presence; he rolled to the side so she could get under his arm and rest her head on his shoulder. It should have been easy to go to sleep, as tired as she was, but she found once again that now she was lying down she couldn't make her brain rest along with her body. She wanted to discuss the whole day with Gadeth; that always put things in perspective for her. He seemed deeply asleep, though, and she thought it might be mean to wake him. She propped herself on her elbow and looked down at him, letting her eyes get used to making the most of the little bit of moonlight coming through the cabin's one porthole. Watching him sleep was always a sure way to make herself feel happy and peaceful, not to mention awed at her good fortune.
She still felt unsettled, though. She decided he wouldn't really mind if she woke him. There had been a few times when he had woken her in the middle of the night for no better reason than to say that he loved her. To make it a pleasant waking, she bent down and kissed his soft unconscious mouth. He woke with a little start and looked at her in confusion before relaxing and giving her a kiss in return.
'What were you dreaming about, love?' she asked, stroking his hair back from his forehead.
'Cats,' he said. 'I don't know why, but cats. And kittens.'
'And not me? I could get offended about that.'
'But you're my little hellcat,' he said soothingly. Then he paused, and said 'Actually'
'What?'
'Are you feeling all right?'
'As all right as I can, after about a day and a half awake - although, full credit to Brother Ailo's hot grass drink, I don't feel sick any more.' She snuggled down against him and kissed his shoulder.
'I'm just a little worried about you,' he said.
'Why?' she asked, looking up at him, eyes wide in the dark. 'I'm all right. I think I'm managing everything pretty well. Is there something I'm not doing that I should be? Or something I'm doing too much?'
'I was thinking about how you were with that boy Rafel earlier,' he said.
'Do you think I went too easy on him? It's not just because he's Migel's brother. Poor little kid, living by himself in that place. It's made him hard. But maybe I can get him to trust me. He could be really helpful.'
'I thought how you talked to him was about right,' Gadeth said. 'I'm talking about how you were at first. How you attacked him. You frightened me.'
'He attacked you,' Serena said. 'I was trying to frighten him.'
'Just frighten him?'
'What do you mean?'
'You looked as though you could have killed him.' Gadeth's brows were furrowed with worry.
'Well, A, as I said, he attacked you, and I'm not going to let people do that. You're one of my men as well as my particular darling man so I'm responsible for your safety. B, I didn't know who he was or what he was capable of. He could have had a knife under his coat or anything. C, I was pissed off. It was a threat. I would only have hurt him if he'd made another aggressive move. You can see all that is reasonable, can't you?'
'Well yes'
'I am a knight. I'm not playing. You know that. You've been behind me all the way.'
'I know. I still am. It was just it was really weird to see you look like that.'
'Sweetheart, I'm sorry I frightened you. You know I'm not a cruel person.'
'I know,' he said. He wound a tendril of her hair around his forefinger. 'I know.' She was looking worried now.
'Do you really think I overdid it?'
'Maybe a little, but now you know, so you can think about it next time.'
'There wasn't any time to think,' she said. 'I just did it automatically. It came up from my guts.'
'Well, tell your guts to mellow a little,' he said, smiling.
'I don't want to be that scary,' she said plaintively. 'Especially not to you. And I don't want to overreact and hurt someone when I shouldn't.'
'I don't think you will. I mean, you didn't hurt him when you had the chance. And you were just protecting me, right? Which is sweet, really.' His fears were at rest now; he didn't want to keep rehashing the matter. She let him kiss her again, and dropped the subject.
'Is your shoulder really all right?'
'It's black and blue, according to Rideth. I can't see it so I had to ask someone. Careful how you touch me. I'll let you look at it in the morning and tell me what colours it's gone by then.'
'I wish I could have stopped him hurting you,' she said.
'I'll be fine, silly. It's just a big bruise.'
'I suppose we should go to sleep,' Serena said. 'You know about the plan for tomorrow, right? I think we can steal a little sleep-in to catch up but we must be up to get everything organised well before ten.'
'Sleep's a very good idea,' said Gadeth. 'But I feel like I'm neglecting my conjugal duties too drunk last night, too sick this morning, too tired tonight'
'That's what the sleep-in is for,' she said.
'I'm so glad I married a dirty girl like you.'
'Do you really think that? I mean, do you think I'm too interested in it?'
'Absolutely not, I think you're just right. Newlyweds' Excuse, remember?'
'What if I stay that way, though? I think I might be going to.' It was a serious question, not trying to be cute.
'Then I'll just be incredibly happy. Worn out, but incredibly happy. Walking with a limp, but incredibly happy.'
'Stop teasing me,' she said delightedly, and pretended to punch him in the stomach. He pretended to be winded, so she had to kiss him to make it up. 'Now go to sleep.'
'Yes, sir.'
'I only need to hear it in your voice.'
'I thought I'd say sir and try to let you hear darling.'
'That's very good too.' There was a little pause while they settled down, ready to let sleep come. When Gadeth was almost dropping off Serena asked 'Do you think we'll ever have a serious conversation that doesn't end in kissing and messing around?'
'Maybe when I'm eighty and past it. Go to sleep.'
'Good night.'
The morning proper came, bright, clear and cold. Brother Ailo had nothing to report: no-one had approached the Capitol, friend or foe. There had been a heavy fall of snow between four and six o'clock, which had probably put off any early-morning stirrers. Breakfast in what was loosely designated the officers' mess on board Crusade was a subdued meal; Van had not slept well and was trying not to go face-down in his eggs. Meruru just seemed quiet and preoccupied. Serena and Gadeth turned up at nearly eight, late and offensively cheerful.
'Bruise Progress Report, Day One,' Serena said as she sat down. 'A long wine-red line along the impact site, about an inch wide, shading to deep purple with blotches of royal blue. Please stand by for further updates.'
'What are you talking about?' Meruru asked.
'Rafel Labariel's signature,' said Gadeth. 'He very kindly autographed my shoulder with a crowbar or something. How is he doing?'
'I don't know this morning,' said Meruru, 'but he was fine when I left him last night. Very rude, but fine. Van-sama!' She touched Van's shoulder in time to stop him tilting over.
'Where is my green shirt?' he asked muzzily. 'I don't know if I just can't find it because I'm tired, or if you've done something with it.'
'Rafel's wearing it,' Meruru said. 'I'm sorry I couldn't ask you, but he really needed some clothes that would fit him.'
'What about all the load we've got in the supply ship?' Van asked. 'Millerna requisitioned a warehouse, just about.'
'I couldn't get up there,' Meruru said. 'And I knew where your clothes were.'
'You look like death,' said Serena to Van. 'Maybe Ailo could give you something to help you sleep. Or for the moment, something to perk you up.'
''m all right,' said Van. Last night he had dreamed Hitomi was crying. It was awful. That was all there was in the dream, Hitomi crying, but he had woken up in a sweat and sleep had stayed away until, contrariwise, the sun was up and he needed to be alert.
'Just go back to bed,' Gadeth said. 'We'll take care of things this morning.'
'I ought to be there,' Van protested. 'They ought to see Fanelia.'
'They can see Meruru,' Serena told him. 'A king's impressive, but they're just going to see a boy who can't keep his eyes open if you go.'
Van gave in. He was too tired to resist much and it was what he really wanted to do. 'All right,' he said, 'but wake me up at lunchtime, okay Meruru?'
'Okay,' she said. Her gaze followed him out of the room. 'Poor Van-sama,' she sighed.
'He does have you to take care of him,' Serena said. 'He's pretty lucky there.' She leaned over the table and helped herself to one of Van's eggs, and put the other on Gadeth's plate.
'I can't take care of him as he needs to be taken care of,' Meruru said, and she looked so sad as she said it that Serena suspected she had been very unfair to both of them.
'What have you done to him, Meruru?' Gadeth asked. 'He's gone bald.'
Rafel glowered at him from the edge of the bunk where he sat.
'He had lice,' Meruru reported. 'We had to shave his head.'
'Oh,' said Gadeth. 'That's really too bad. Well, the worst is over, son.'
'Don't call me son,' said Rafel. 'And you can't keep me here. The war's over and you shouldn't be taking prisoners.'
'Ah, but no,' said Gadeth. 'You aren't a prisoner, you're under arrest. For assault. Officers of the Asturian Army have the authority to make arrests. Personally, I'm inclined not to press charges, in view of the fact that you're a kid and you seemed to be scared shitless the other day and probably thought you were just defending your home. But under our laws, we do have a right to detain you for twenty-four hours before we have to let you go. And our laws are the ones that count on board our ships and those of our allies.'
'So what are you planning to do to me?' Rafel asked sullenly.
'Talk to you,' said Gadeth. 'We want to find out what's been happening around here and since you're the first local person we've met you'll have to do.'
'She's not going to question me, is she?'
'She is the cat's mother. Not you, Meruru. Actually, you can go if you want. Who do you mean?' He turned back to Rafel. Meruru left the room swishing her tail irritably.
'The girl knight from yesterday. Serena thingy. I still think she tortured Dilandau-sama.'
'Ohboy,' said Gadeth. 'Do I have to straighten you out.' He sat down on the edge of the bunk next to Rafel, who promptly edged away as far as he could without hitting the wall. 'I expect you don't know the full story, or anything like it. It's one of those very long involved ones where it's hard to find a good starting point. Well for a kickoff, what do you know about Lord Dornkirk's sorcerors?'
'They were in charge of research and development,' Rafel said. 'They did experiments with the gravity of destiny and found ways to enhance our luck and steer our destiny in the right direction. And they developed lots of useful technology for Zaibach while the rest of you were still coming out of the stone age.'
'That last part is a little bit of an exaggeration,' said Gadeth. 'We're probably never going to know the full truth about the sorcerors because all of them seem to be dead. But one thing we've found out is that they weren't just studying how to guide the destiny of a country. They were interested in the destiny of individual people - how you could pick out the ones who had a natural tendency to be lucky, which according to them is an inherited thing like the colour of your eyes or the shape of your nose. They thought you could breed for it, although of course that takes a long time and the results were always a bit uncertain. So what would solve the problem is if, instead of having to wait for the right people to have children and then let them grow up enough to be useful, and enough to tell if it was working, they could change the destiny of a person who was already born and living in the world. Change it down in the - I'm a bit unclear on this, but Serena says there are little wiggly things right down at the bottom levels of your blood that make you what you are, and if you can change those you can change how a person turns out. Are you with me so far?'
'Yes,' Rafel said. 'It's not hard to understand. You're talking about DNA.'
'It confused me a little at first,' Gadeth said. 'Still, you've probably had a lot of the basics in school, and it was a new idea to me. Anyway, if they could change people's destiny they could make those kind of adjustments to everyone in Zaibach, I guess, and just make them the most likely to succeed in any situation. They had to do experiments to find a way to do it, though, and this is where it gets nasty. The experiments were conducted on children abducted from other nearby countries. They wouldn't do it to their own people. But they didn't have a problem with snatching, say, a five-year-old girl from Asturia, taking her away from her family without a word of warning or explanation, and doing things to her - we still don't know what, which is probably good because no-one should ever be able to do that again. We also don't know how many children that happened to, but it could be hundreds.'
Gadeth paused, to let Rafel say something if he wanted to, but the boy was silent.
'When we explore the underground levels of this building, where the sorcerors used to work, if we find any technical information about that we're destroying it,' Gadeth went on. 'We have some records of what was done but not descriptions of the processes.'
'Typical barbarians,' said Rafel. 'You just want to destroy something you don't understand because it scares you.'
'No, we want to destroy something we don't want to understand because it's evil,' Gadeth said. 'You don't often run into real evil in everyday life, but would you think for a minute about what it must have been like for those children? We think almost all of them died. Think about how it would feel to die when you're five years old, all by yourself in a strange place full of people who hurt you.' He shuddered. 'Anyway, they wanted to see if they could change a person's destiny, right? So they decided to try to make a very simple but very big change - to change someone from a girl into a boy. It would be a good test because it would be easy to tell if it had worked or not. That's what they did to the girl from Asturia I was talking about. It worked, and she became a boy. Once they'd changed her body they worked on her mind, giving her the kind of personality that would be useful for them. And they changed her name.' He glanced at Rafel to make sure he was paying attention. 'Her name was Serena Schezar, and they changed it to Dilandau Albatou.'
'You're saying Dilandau-sama was really a girl,' Rafel said flatly. 'That's stupid. He was a guy. I've seen him lots of times.'
'That's right, they turned Serena into a boy,' Gadeth repeated patiently. 'She's gone back to her real self, though. Which is why you're not going to see Dilandau again. He doesn't exist any more. Some sorcerors tried to bring him back as a separate person from Serena, but he didn't want to live any more. He committed suicide. Serena is the one who's had the will to survive; she hung on somewhere, somehow, even while Dilandau was the one living in the world, and she came back. She's got to be one of the strongest people I've ever met.'
'That crazy woman who tried to kill me yesterday and then started acting all nice used to be Dilandau-sama?'
'Right. However, please don't call her crazy, because that's my wife you're talking about.'
'Your wife used to be Dilandau-sama?'
'When you put it like that it sounds so creepy,' Gadeth said ruefully. 'She's not the same person. We're both very clear on that.'
Rafel was quiet again for a while, but this time in a way that suggested he was thinking hard. 'Maybe Dilandau-sama is still hanging on, the way she was.'
'No, I told you, he was taken out entirely. He's dead. Believe me. I saw the body.'
'They must have chosen her very carefully,' Rafel said. 'Only the very best ever got selected for Dragonslayer training, and to be the leader she must have had a lot of luck to begin with.'
'I don't call that luck,' Gadeth said, 'unless you mean incredibly bad luck. Serena doesn't believe in luck any more. She says everything happens because of what people choose.'
'Could I see her?' Rafel asked eagerly.
'Sure. She's supervising the handouts on the steps. You can help.'
Serena was sitting on top of a crate filled with blankets, legs crossed under her and chin in her hands. More crates were ranged along the steps, guards from Asturia, Fanelia and Freid standing ready by them. Two doctors had been brought along, and had set up a makeshift dispensary, all set to see to minor injuries and ailments. Apart from them the place was deserted. No-one came near. Gadeth brought Rafel round by the side of Serena's crate. Rafel looked keenly up at her profile. She was different but he could see a resemblance if he tried hard. She was like Dilandau-sama's sister, perhaps. Softer features, wavy hair. It was a different kind of beauty, but you could see how one had come from the other.
'How's it going?' Gadeth asked her.
'It isn't,' she said. 'I suppose people just don't trust us. Which is reasonable enough. I still feel like a twit sitting out here. I'm thinking of repeating the announcement, for what good it would do.'
'Give them a while longer,' said Gadeth. 'It's only half-past. Maybe their clocks have run down.'
'There's someone,' said Rafel. A man had stepped out of one of the streets giving onto the square, and was standing with his hands on his hips looking at them. He was a couple of hundred metres away and showed no sign of coming closer.
'Think we should wave, or something?' Serena asked. The man turned and went back down the street, out of sight. 'Aw, tease,' she said.
'He may have been checking us out for others,' Gadeth said. 'Look. I think I was right.' The man re-emerged, and this time he was accompanied by a cluster of other people, a couple of men, three women and a little gaggle of children. They crossed the square, not fast, warily, and stopped halfway up the steps.
'Good morning,' said the first man. He was tall and broad, and his clothes had once been good, although they were looking very worn. He was also much cleaner than Rafel had been. The winter sunshine threw glints off his short red hair and mutton-chop whiskers. He was probably in his late thirties, a respectable family man thrown upon hard times.
'Good morning,' Serena said, hastily getting down from the box. She didn't want to look as though she was on a pedestal. 'It's good to see you. We thought nobody might come.'
'What are you offering?' the man asked.
'We've got blankets, coats, clothes and shoes for men, women and children. These men know what's in the crates and they can help you find what you want. There's food, too, flour, sugar, rice, some dried fruit and vegetables, salt meat. And if any of your family or friends want a checkup the doctors are there at that table.' Serena pointed everything out to him eagerly.
The man came closer, stepped up to the crate she had been sitting on, and lifted the lid to look inside. He lifted out a blue wool blanket and shook it out of its folds, examining the material for flaws.
'I'm a fabric-store manager myself,' he said. 'This is good stuff. Lambswool, I think.'
'I'm not really sure,' Serena said, 'but if you like it, it's yours.' The man looked at her a little coldly.
'How much?' he asked.
'Oh, no, you don't understand, this is a free distribution,' she said. The man glanced down at the group he'd come with, checking that they hadn't heard.
'I didn't catch that,' he said. 'How much did you say?'
'Um,' said Serena. She looked down at the family, or families. They all had that air of shabby respectability, of nice middle-class people who were trying to stay nice in the face of everything, because it was the only way they knew how to be. The women looked tired and thin, but they were wearing pearl earrings.
'Twenty newtons,' she said, naming the first price that popped into her head.
'That's pretty cheap,' the man said. 'For a good blanket.'
'They're on special,' she said defiantly. She glanced down at the families again; there were four red-headed children. 'And today when you buy three you get one free.' She raised an eyebrow at the man, asking if they had an understanding. He nodded gravely.
'Right,' he said. 'We'll have a look around, but you can ring up four of these for me, please.' He re-folded the blanket and handed it to Serena.
'Yes, sir,' she said. He turned to address the others on the stairs.
'Come on, kids,' he said. 'New shoes first.'
'That's the last crate but one that way,' Serena said, pointing. As they went off in that direction, she reached into the crate for the three blankets. Gadeth put his hand on her arm.
'Are you sure we should take their money?' he asked.
'Well, I don't want to, but I don't think they'll take charity,' she said. 'People can be a bit stiff-necked. Zaibach's had a higher standard of living than any other country for years. It's not just that it's hard to be offered help by foreigners, it's hard to be offered it by foreigners who you're used to thinking of as poorer than you.'
'I didn't expect to come here and run a shop,' Gadeth said. 'It makes sense, though. He doesn't want to look like a beggar in front of his family. I'll tell you what, Millerna should have sent Dryden for this job, not us.'
'Assuming everyone is like them, yes,' she said. 'But if there are more people who want to hit us with crowbars, I think we're the ones for the job.'
'I'm sorry about that,' Rafel said, surprising them both. Serena turned to look at him. His bare scalp was covered in goosebumps. The skin was so white she could see the filigree of pale blue veins under it.
'Hey, what happened to you?'
'Nits. Shaved. Boring story,' he said.
'Oh dear,' she said. 'Look, Sergeant Asher over there has a bunch of hats and gloves and things. Go and ask him for a cap or something.' She watched him run over to one of the Asturian officers. 'He seems to have changed his tune.'
'I hope you don't mind,' Gadeth said, 'but I told him about you. You know. Dilandau.'
'I don't mind who knows about that,' she said. 'I wonder sometimes, though, if I'm still going to be having to explain that to people in a few years or all my life.'
'It does make a good story. Listen, Ailo asked me to tell you he thinks people should start reconnoitring the underground levels this afternoon. He's willing to take care of that side of things entirely, but we thought you might want to be involved. Then again, the whole idea might horrify you, so I'm just asking.'
She frowned, thinking about it. 'I really think I should. After all, how bad can it be? I can't even remember those things. They're a blank. I'd like you to come with me, but I'm not afraid.'
'All right,' he said. He leaned closer, speaking quietly. 'I'm really not trying to say you're not up to it. I just worry. You know.'
'I'm glad you do,' she said. Rafel was coming back, wearing a dark red felt hat, the pudding-basin kind they made in Freid, with an upturned brim. It was a much less fancy version of the sort of hat Cid wore.
'Gadeth said you wanted to talk to me,' he said. 'What about?'
'Just life here,' Serena said. 'We're trying to get a picture of how people are living, what they're doing to cope. And we really want to know whether there's any chance of armed resistance to our presence. Do you know if there's any kind of militia?'
'There are gangs,' Rafel said. 'The big ones are Silver Star, Street Kings and Dragonslayers. They ripped off the name, of course. Dragonslayers are really just tryhards but Silver Star are really dangerous, and there are a lot of them. It's run by the Mariel family.'
'Didn't Artho Mariel use to be the chief of police?' Serena asked, confused.
'Yes,' said Rafel. 'So they fight with riot gear and they use all the police stations as citadels. They don't really run the city because Street Kings give them a lot of competition but they would if it weren't for them. If you go round in the city you'll see the houses people are living in usually have a silver star on the door or in the window. That means they've paid their security money for the month. It's not real security but it means you only have to worry about the other gangs, and not Silver Star on top of them.'
'Local leaders and law enforcement officers, hmm?' said Gadeth.
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