After the Storm
by Leto
Part 5
~~Izzy~~
Izzy's black eyes were even blanker than usual, dull from hours of staring at his laptop. Jennai, who he was still having difficulty thinking of as his father, sat at another computer right next to them. Occasionally one of them would take a wordless bite of pizza, or a sip from one of the soft drink cans sitting between them. They worked largely in silence, except when one leaned over to point something out to the other.
This was the task that was filling Izzy's mind. Changing the appearance of eight creatures and then copying them to another world.
Izzy was not stupid. One can say that of him easily enough. He knew that his parents were worried about him, and his friends too. Yet the freedom he was being given in this was more than he had expected. He remembered hearing his mother say, some time ago, that Izzy should be free to make his own mistakes. Was he making a mistake? Of course not. With this freedom, he could find his own limits.
The work itself was at times routine, at times tedious or frustrating, and at times extremely interesting. Izzy had always enjoyed solving puzzles and there were plenty of problems to overcome here.
"Do you think we could modify the structure of Biyomon's arms?"
"Turning them into arms, you mean? Remember the tendons connecting the feathers to the bones..."
"Yes, the feathers... how are we supposed to get rid of them?"
"Well, they're made out of keratin."
"You're suggesting we try to change the feathers into skin, and then perhaps lighten the pigment?"
"Don't forget that her ability to digivolve is programmed into her. I don't think it will be that easy to change her bird features."
He and Jennai had spent half an hour discussing different ways of reconfiguring Biyomon's arms, and the end result did not really please either of them.
Jennai had maintained that her wings could not be eradicated entirely, as they were too much a fundamental part of herself. Izzy insisted that it would be possible to change them into arms, which brought out a few new issues, like colour change, modifying the hands and changing the overall structure to alter the purpose of the appendages. For each argument there were a number of more technical aspects that needed to be discussed, as well as aspects of her relating to digivolutions.
In the end they compromised.
Izzy was kind of worried about his friends' reactions. Would they be mad when they found out how Izzy had programmed their friends to look? Or get mad that he hadn't tried harder to change this or that?
As things were, after a week of solid, hard work, they hadn't even completed the reconfiguration of one Digimon. Gabumon, Gomamon, Patamon (and soon Biyomon) all had some anatomical modifications, but they were generally far from complete, and they were the easier ones, the more mammalian ones. He dreaded to imagine the complications that would arise with his own Digimon, or Palmon. How can you make a metal bug, or a plant, a convincing human?
Actually, Patamon was nearly done, and surprisingly easy. Jennai theorised that this was due to his digivolutions' resemblance to humans to begin with. Gatomon, on the other hand, proved remarkably difficult. There was something about her the two engineers couldn't understand.
Jennai was good to work with. He took things seriously and expected Izzy to do the same, treated him as an equal, taught him many new things, and best of all, he never, never patronised his son.
Yet... he didn't seem like a father. For example, encouraging him to stay up past two to "just get that last mathematical equation out" or ordering pizza for the last three nights.
Izzy found himself missing his father's encouragement to come outside and play one-on-one baseball, or his mother calling him to the dinner table. He hadn't been home much that week. Yet he was doing this task for all his friends, and it was important, he knew that.
And he knew the importance of doing things as quickly as possible. Once they had begun the task, they had to work hard to keep doing it. It was disadvantageous to the Digimon to exist in unfamiliar half-human forms for longer than necessary; while the time barrier between worlds had largely disappeared with Apocalymon's defeat, it still wasn't wise for them to be around for weeks with possible virus Digimon who might take advantage of their weaker states to attack.
Also, despite his distraction, his continual preoccupation with mentally trying out answers to problems in his head while other people were talking, he couldn't miss the tone of voice when the others mentioned their Digimon. They were all hanging out for their Digimon to come back.
Just like he was.
And, if truth was to be told, he really was caught up in the task. He wanted to feel closer to his crest. The things they taught him in school; things he had learnt years ago, seemed frivolous and stupid. Now he was learning to manipulate whole worlds. To use his knowledge in a way that nobody else ever had, to do something great.
His fingers flew naturally over the keys, and he neared the end of a more mindless section of work. Now he had to stop thinking and concentrate solely on the task. Let's see, how could - waah!
The doorbell rang. Izzy glanced over at Jennai.
"Hey, Je - er, father? The doorbell?"
Jennai didn't stir, still staring intently at the screen as though in thought.
"Father! HEY! Doorbell!"
Jennai scratched his chin, brightened a little and resumed typing. Obviously he hadn't heard a word. Izzy sweatdropped. Seemed the saying "like father, like son" had some degree of truth. He slid off his chair and walked (rather awkwardly after hours of sitting still) to answer the door.
"Hiiii!" chorused his friends. He blinked and felt nervous suddenly. Were they here to check his progress? There was usually someone asking after their Digimon. He didn't want to tell them that they still hadn't done a whole lot, that there were still problems he wasn't sure if they could solve, that their Digimon might have deformities when they became humans. Did they suspect that? They looked pretty bright.
"Hi," said Izzy blankly.
"We came to visit!" said Tai cheerfully, "you need to drag yourself away from that computer for a minute!"
"Why?" asked Izzy suspiciously, "don't you want me to bring our Digimon here?"
"Of course we do," said Sora, "but you shouldn't wreck yourself while you do it!"
"You should have come to the beach with us, Izzy," said Joe.
Izzy squinted.
"Oh, I thought Matt had sand in his hair."
Matt went red and casually put both arms over his head. (As you might imagine, this gesture did not produce a very casual effect at all.)
"Can we come in?" asked Mimi, "I walked all the way from the train station and my poor little feet are really quite exhausted!"
"You'd think she'd be used to walking by now," said Tai.
"Yes, but this is walking on real roads," said Mimi. Apparently this made sense to her, although everyone else got a strange expression on their face.
"Oh, well, sure you can come in," said Izzy, still seeming restless, "but I can't really take more time off. See, I was just up to this stage of reconfiguration where -"
"No arguments!" said Mimi, "you're taking a break!"
So they all sat in Jennai's living room, relaxing into soft couches, although Izzy was sitting on the edge of his, glancing furtively around.
"Hey Izzy, you expecting a Kuwagamon to attack you or what?" asked Tai.
"You don't look very relaxed," agreed Joe, putting his two large feet on the coffee table and looking fairly relaxed himself.
Izzy twitched slightly.
"I think he's flipping out," whispered Mimi matter-of-factly to TK, who nodded bewilderedly.
"I heard that," he snapped, "I'm not flipping out! I'm just working very hard! I'm sure that's an absolutely unreconcilable concept to your way of thinking, but some of us do enjoy engaging in intellectual pursuits!"
"What does that mean?" asked Mimi.
"He said, you might find it hard to understand but he likes doing things where he has to think," translated Joe.
"Ah."
"You don't have to do it alone," said Kari kindly, "you know we're all -"
"Stop offering to help me!" shouted Izzy, "don't you get it, you'll just get in the way and undo all the work we've done! It's difficult enough to do the basics, let alone spend an extra week repairing your mistakes? And you've asked me half a dozen times this week!"
"Hey, don't shout at Kari!" shouted Tai, "she's only being nice!"
"I don't need her niceness, I just want to be left alone so I can get the job done. Why can't any of you understand that? And TAKE YOUR BLOODY FEET OFF THE TABLE!"
Joe jumped, and guiltily complied. Izzy swearing; a novelty, and a dangerous sign.
"Uncouth... busybodies... inquisitors..." Izzy was muttering under his breath. Everyone else glanced at each other nervously.
"And stop looking at each other like that!"
"C'mon, guys," said Tai, getting angry, "I can see we're not wanted here."
"Wow Tai, that's really observant of you," said Izzy, "more so than usual."
"Now, both of you calm down," said Sora, "let's just talk about this like civilised people."
"I'd rather not," said Izzy coolly, "I really should get back to work."
"Hey man, what's your problem," said Matt, getting annoyed himself, "you're the one who volunteered for this job, now you're getting all obsessive over it. Who're your real friends, the computer or us?"
"Tentomon, actually," snapped Izzy, which shut them all up. They looked at each other nervously again, and as a group, rose to leave.
"See you at school next week," mumbled Izzy, not looking at them.
"Yeah, see you," said Sora awkwardly. The others didn't say anything. After another pause, they left.
Izzy sighed a little, then turned to go back to the computer. He started as he saw Jennai standing in the doorway. His expression was calm but Izzy could tell he disapproved.
"Go," said Jennai, and pointed at the front door, where the digidestined had just left.
"Huh?"
"Go after them, Koushirou."
"But our work -"
"It can wait. They're more important, for the moment, don't you think?"
Izzy wasn't sure. He did know that everyone had been getting on his nerves lately. He wasn't usually so irritable. Perhaps it was motivated by the reduction of sleep, he thought, with his usual articulate cautiousness. He had a very logical mind. That's why he found it difficult to register emotion; he wasn't sure how that was supposed to be delivered, and it troubled him that he often couldn't find words for it. Anything that couldn't be expressed intellectually faintly disturbed him.
Now it was erupting unpredictably, incongruent with the way his logical thoughts were proceeding.
"Why're you talking like that? It's too late to talk like your my father, isn't it? You weren't present when I heard my parents say I was adopted and lay awake wondering why my real parents had left me! You can't turn around and tell me what to do!"
"Why are you shouting?" asked Jennai, very calmly, his face impassive as usual. "You're not usually so emotional."
"And don't patronise me!" shouted Izzy.
"Are you done shouting?" asked Jennai, "I don't generally like communicating with someone incapable of conversing at a reasonable decibal level."
Izzy sighed, rubbed his eyes and looked at the carpet.
"I'm not telling you as some pseudo paternal figure," said Jennai, "I'm telling you as your mentor or your friend. It's really your decision, of course. But if your friends are important to you, you really ought to go soon before they leave the area entirely."
Izzy didn't say anything, just turned and walked back in the direction of the computer room. Jennai sighed a little, until he heard the back door slam. He shook his head and smiled.
"That boy of mine... has a habit of surprising even me."
***
Izzy ran down the street, feeling kind of dazed. He was not used to feeling that way, and it bothered him. Actually, he didn't even really know why he was going after his friends. They'd probably forgive him anyway, and besides, he wasn't really all that sorry. But there was still something that seemed to say, friends should be followed.
Actually, he didn't really care. He was tired, and emotions seemed like a waste of energy. He wasn't about to work out what his feelings were.
His friends were walking slowly, engaged in conversation, so of course they were not difficult to overtake. They heard him coming (Izzy ran with all the grace and elegance of a drunken Monochromon, or possibly just a short version of Joe) and stopped accordingly. Matt rested both hands behind his head, sticking both arms out in his typical 'indifferent' pose and didn't turn around. Tai did, looking annoyed (obviously, they had been talking angrily about him before he ran up) but more ready to listen.
"Hey," said Izzy, hesitating to get his breath back.
"Hey," said Joe, Kari and TK awkwardly. Mimi looked upset, Sora as though she was going to wait until she passed judgement, and the other boys angry.
"Sorry," said Izzy, "I didn't really mean those things I said before, and I certainly didn't mean to yell at all of you."
He had, actually, meant both of those things, but he couldn't explain why he had become so annoyed, and knew an apology was just easier.
"Well, at least you apologised," mumbled Tai, "I guess I can't really stay mad, not like I've never made a mistake in my life."
Some of the digidestined smiled at that; he'd made a lot more mistakes as a digidestined than any of them. None of the others knew about when Tai himself had been under pressure and punched Izzy.
"Don't worry about it, Izzy," said Sora, "we understand."
"Guess it must be kinda hard to do all that work," agreed TK.
Surprisingly - or not, perhaps - it was Mimi who picked up on the insincerity of his apology.
"You didn't mean that apology at all," she said firmly, "you've just been snappy all week long, and when you said sorry just then you didn't say you were going to stop, either!"
"You'd be snappy too if you were smart enough to understand what I've been doing. It really is quite a taxing -"
"You're acting like you're the only one here who's ever made any sacrifice for friendship," yelled Mimi (generally incapable of speaking normally when upset), "at least you had a choice! Anyway, didn't we fight in Digiworld so we wouldn't have to fight here? The problems we have in the real world are nothing compared to saving the world!"
"Mimi's right," said Matt, "leaving the digiworld was hard on all of us, but you know, things are made a little easier if we just talk to each other."
"You don't have to do it all on your own," said Joe.
"That's the one thing you guys don't understand," said Izzy, "I WANT to do it on my own. Maybe it benefits you guys to 'talk about your problems' but I'd really rather not. Anyway, this is just something I have to do, and I can do it best if there aren't any distractions. And it's a big responsibility I have here; the reason I hate it when you ask me about your Digimon is because it is far too difficult for me to explain so that you're able to comprehend, and besides, I don't want you to worry or try to offer advice on things you don't understand."
Izzy sighed after this long speech and rubbed at his eyes.
"I should probably go." He bowed slightly. "Sorry to have made you worry."
He turned and trudged back down the street, not sure if he had helped things or made them worse. He thought of something and turned back.
"By the way," he called, "thanks for coming."
He thought he saw them nod back, then returned to Jennai's house - or home.
***
"Sorry about what I said before," mumbled Izzy awkwardly, "but I kind of meant what I said, you don't feel much like my dad at all."
"Of course I don't, your dad is quite a different person to me."
"Still, you are my real father."
"By blood only, that was your decision."
Izzy looked up at Jennai, into those black eyes so similar to his own. He was suddenly shocked, he could sense the sadness in them, and Izzy was not normally a sensitive person.
But why shouldn't he be sad? His father, trapped in a foreign world for thousands of years, living for longer than any other human had, yet without human contact, wondering about his son, mourning his wife, wishing he could return to his home, where the life he loved so much was.
His father had never wanted to abandon him. He was suddenly grateful to the digital world. Maybe it was a prison, but it held his best friend, and it had preserved his father, who would have otherwise been lost forever.
"Why don't you act like a father to me?"
"Do you think I don't act like a father?"
"Well, we've had pizza for the last three nights, that shows you're not really fussy about my proper nutrition. And you permitted me to stay up late, even encouraged me to skip my homework once."
"You have to push yourself, Koushirou. You have to push yourself until you reach the very edge of what you want to learn, so that there's nothing left you want to find out, and then you'll find more. You have the intellectual maturity of an adult, and I will treat you as one, although as you have learned you can still be a child. Becoming an adult is all about winning control over your emotions."
"Controlling your emotions..."
"That's right, and understanding yourself. Koushirou, you're not naturally an emotional person, so you don't have a lot of experience dealing with such things. So you'll find it more difficult than some people to handle your emotions so they build up until you have to express them. That's dangerous."
"How do you know what I'm like?"
"I may not be a very good father, but we are related. You're not so different to how I once was. And if you are like me, you will find that one day your intelligence is nothing but a tool, an extremely useful tool that will give you many years of fulfillment, but in the end, relationships are what matters."
Izzy looked at the ground, not willing to look into Jennai's eyes any longer. It must have been a difficult lesson to learn. Obviously, his father was still finding it hard to come to terms with his mother's death.
"Koushirou, I don't know if you resent my saying this or not; you are right, I waived my right to be your father when I left you. But even if I cannot be your father, I still care about you. I want you to know this in your head at least. And I have been alive for longer than any other human, so I have picked up a thing or two about life.
I want to teach it to you even if it's not a father-son talk. I want to talk to you seriously for once, about things that matter. Knowledge is a valuable thing, you have felt its power yourself. Always seek it and be informed. I can't tell you to ignore that part of yourself, it's what helped to save the world after all!
But being the person you are - and for me, being the person I am - it's one of the hardest things in the world to say what you really feel, not just think. Did you know I've spent all week psyching myself up to say this! You know that friendship is important, and I know you care about your friends a lot, but you have to understand that with your heart if you're going to really care about them. You have to realise your friendship."
Izzy had never had such a conversation before. Casual ones with his friends, yes, and many, many conversations founded on intellect and intelligence. Izzy was extremely intelligent. That is not the same as being wise, or understanding psychology. He struggled to understand what Jennai was saying. At the same time, he was surprised because he hadn't realised his father knew what he was feeling.
Jennai understood his silence. He smiled suddenly.
"Hey, Koushirou. I'll finish up that section of work you were doing. Why don't you go and get some sleep? Sleep deprivation can give you wrinkles and make you irritable."
Izzy said, "now you sound like my mom more than my dad!"
Jennai laughed, but Izzy wasn't really in a joking mood. He sighed and rubbed his hand over his eyes again.
"Guess I could use a little shut-eye," he conceded, still with a serious expression on his face, "goodnight, Jennai."
Jennai. Not 'father'. Jennai wanted to ruffle his son's hair or make some similar, affectionate gesture, but something told him that would not be a good idea, particularly now. Something in Izzy's face.
***
Mrs Izumi sighed to herself as she was finishing stacking dishes. After having lost her son for months due to the digital world, he was suddenly gone again after only a week. They had been getting along so well the previous week, but since Izzy had found out about his real father, he had been working compulsively and spending a lot of time there.
Of course it was totally natural he would want to spend time getting to know his real father, she admonished herself. But it did kind of feel like she was losing him all over again...
Her husband did not seem to think there was any cause for alarm, but then he wasn't home as much as she was and didn't seem to realise that Izzy was doing NOTHING but visiting Jennai or working on his computer in his room. He was extremely happy that his old cousin and friend was apparently back from the grave, but disappointed too; apart from their initial reunion and a brief phone call, it had been surprisingly hard to contact him; he was always extremely busy with something vitally important, or simply didn't answer the phone.
Most of all, Mrs Izumi couldn't shake the nagging worry that Izzy might have decided he loved his real family more than his adopted one.
The problem with being a devoted housewife was that one's family was the centrality of one's life, and if anyone was acting strangely, it was hard felt.
She shut the cupboard door and leaned against the kitchen counter. Her husband was at some business meeting, and the house seemed very empty, and quiet. She turned the TV on just to have a background sound and sat on the couch, looking at the screen without really seeing it, sitting ill at ease.
No way around it; she was worried about Izzy. She was trying to treat him as an adult, as he certainly seemed to deserve that, but really she just wanted to hug him to her, tuck him in at night and sing a lullaby as she used to, then sit by his bed until he fell asleep, just watching him.
It was laughable to think of doing such a thing now, of course. As a younger child, Izzy had craved affection, now he seemed very polite and distant; the model child, but one who was difficult to mother.
"So this is the sort of thing you watch when nobody else is present!"
She was startled out of her thoughts; she was still looking at the TV without seeing it, and hadn't even heard the door open.
On the TV was some mindless action film; currently, a muscled, tough-looking shirtless man was stumbling along clutching one shoulder, covered in bruises, nursing gaping wounds, but still conscious and thus able to run and handle heavy arms. He turned and fired into the bushes behind him. Mrs Izumi hadn't even registered that she was watching it.
"Izzy," she said, surprised, "I thought you were sleeping at J- your father's house tonight."
"I am," said Izzy.
"Isn't it becoming a little late at night to drop back here, then? Did you forget something?"
"No, I'm staying here. Who do you think my father is?"
He jumped onto the couch beside her and sat back. He didn't seem to want to say anything else, but she felt a little smile inside. They sat and watched the rest of the movie, Izzy constantly commenting on how unrealistic this aspect or that was, how this effect ought never to have happened, how this was against some scientific law... it was just like normal.
In the end, he actually did fall asleep on the couch, and Mrs Izumi had to carry him to bed, and did sit watching him for some time. Funny that someone so short, and who looked so young when he was asleep, could house a mind that even she couldn't understand. She bent over, kissed his forehead, and left the room, still smiling.