Chapter Nineteen
Following girls around the shops is a trying experience for any young man; when one is sort of your girlfriend but presently mad at you and the other is generally inclined to snipe at you under any circumstances, and they both keep giggling and then looking back at you and giggling again, it is a mild form of torture.
They had already presented him with two carrier-bags and more seemed likely to appear. At first it had seemed that the only spending money they would have was Hitomi's allowance, but Serena had brought a small wallet in her pocket - 'It's a good thing I'm not organised enough to empty my pockets at night' - containing a few Asturian gold and silver coins, which they sold as antique Russian curiosities in a pawnshop for a not inconsiderable sum in yen. Of course, nearly any sum in yen sounds like a lot, but this had been enough for one of those portable music machines with bits that you stuck into your ears, several discs for it and a liberal supply of batteries, and there was still a fair bit in the wallet, now in Hitomi's shoulder bag.
Van kept hoping they would announce that they'd had enough soon, but they kept noticing something else they wanted to look at. Serena was genuinely enchanted with everything she saw, but he suspected Hitomi of doing it perversely to punish him. All around him were people chattering away incomprehensibly and the sound was intimidating. He didn't know how to apologise when he bumped into people on the crowded sidewalks and he was getting some annoyed looks. If someone shouted an order or a warning at him, 'Stop in the name of the law' or 'Watch out for the something-or-other,' he would have no idea what they were saying. It was far too easy to get into trouble here. He managed to catch up with the girls in a jewellery shop, where Serena was thinking about buying a wristwatch for Gadeth.
'The problem is, he's not here to try it on,' she was saying as she bent over a shining glass case, 'and I know his sizes in clothes but I couldn't for the life of me tell you the circumference of his wrist.'
'Most of them are adjustable,' Hitomi said. 'It must be so strange to be married at our age.'
'Gadeth gets a bit funny about it sometimes, but actually I seldom think of it. Millerna got married at fifteen, younger than me. Well, by a bit. I'd just turned sixteen.'
'Millerna is fifteen? I always thought she was older than me - she always acted like it.'
'No, she's our age - and she's more than married, she's going to have a baby. She'll be sixteen in spring, around the time it's due.'
'I'm so out of touch!' Hitomi exclaimed. 'It's strange to think of life going on in Gaea without me all the people I knew growing and changing of course I knew it would happen, but hearing about them all again' Her voice trailed off, and Van, watching her closely, thought she looked sad. 'Goodness - that makes Millerna younger than me - my birthday's coming up in December. There's such a lot to take in.'
'And I haven't even told you about the business with Dilandau.'
'I thought you were Dilandau - or you used to be.'
'It got more complicated than that. He's all gone, though.'
'Excuse me,' Van said. 'Haven't you really had enough by now? It's pitch-black outside. We said we'd just stay for the afternoon. We've been away for ages and apart from anything else I bet Meruru is worried about me.'
'Typical,' said Hitomi. 'You show more consideration for your cat than for me.'
'Hitomi,' said Serena, moving to another case, 'can you tell me what you think of this one? It's the same as the one we liked before but silver.' Hitomi followed her, leaving Van standing forlornly by himself.
'Don't you think you'd better let up on him?' Serena whispered to her. 'I'm amazed at how he's putting up with this - he must be really penitent. But you know how proud he is - if you humiliate him too much he'll just get all prickly and you'll never have a reconciliation. Isn't that what you really want?'
'This is the only way I can think of to keep him with me,' Hitomi whispered back miserably. 'If I say it's all right, won't he just go away again? Or should I let him? Have I got any right to try and hang onto him?'
'I - I'm sure you should. It just wouldn't be right to give up.'
'I'm so jealous of you,' Hitomi sighed. 'You've got everything settled with Gadeth. You don't have anything to worry about any more.'
'I don't have to worry about him but there are still problems it's just that having him makes them less. Van definitely needs someone to take care of him, I've always thought so and if you don't do it Meruru will.' What sort of reaction would that get?
'Meruru!?' Hitomi's eyebrows shot up.
'Well, think about it - he's known her forever, they do love each other, she's around all the time, worships the ground he walks on, pretty cute and likely to get cuter' Serena paused and raised her own eyebrows significantly. Obviously this was a sore spot - it seemed mean to manipulate it, but it was for Hitomi's own good, really it was.
'That little cat burglar! It would be just like her to steal him while my back's turned.'
'Of course, she can't steal him if he wants you to keep him' Serena looked appraisingly at the wristwatch. 'You know, I really think Gadeth's more of a silver person. Gold can be funny on people with olive skin. Would you ask the girl to get it out so I can look at it better?'
'What? Oh - yeah.' Hitomi got the attention of the woman behind the counter and asked for the silver watch. While Serena examined it and nodded as though she understood when the saleswoman pointed out its features, Hitomi sneaked a look over her shoulder at Van. She had been too impatient before to take a long look at him. He looked tired and a little pale - the paleness could be due to winter, but he had a general air of not feeling very well, and remorse pricked at her. Someone to take care of him and someone to take care of me. Perhaps I could help him sort all this out but how can I? I want my world!
Behind her she heard Serena say in her oddly-accented English - perhaps she was no judge, but it certainly sounded different from the language tapes they played at school, and the singers in American and English music - 'I'll take it, please.'
'Sank' yuu,' said the saleswoman brightly. She took the watch back to wrap it. Hitomi wandered over to where Van stood and glanced over the case of watches again.
'You haven't got anything like this in Gaea, have you?' she asked, carefully neutral.
'Well no we haven't got anyone like you, either.' He gave her an uncertain little smile.
'Oh, I don't know. You've got Meruru.'
'She's nothing like you - except for the wing thing, and you laughed when I said you were like her that way.'
'Well, wings are nice,' she said. He'd made her remember that night when he had told her so much of his history; when she'd begun to understand him a little, a strange half-angel boy, his mother called a demon, very human. It made her shy somehow, to go from her feelings of distance and hollowness to that memory of first closeness.
'I like the ones on your shirt,' he said. 'On the back there.'
'I thought of you when I found it,' she said, and blushed. Neither of them could think of anything to say after that, and they stood there not-quite looking at each other, a little encouraged but not yet sure, until Serena bustled up, happy with her purchases, ready to head back to Hitomi's house. She was in an excessively good mood all the way, chattering about everything she had seen and heard, and exclaiming at how cold it was. Hitomi had lent her a jacket but she complained that the little space of leg between the hem of her skirt and the tops of the long socks was freezing. She had taken over the bag-carrying and was swinging them by her sides like pendulums. Hitomi and Van walked in a meditative silence, each thinking about what should come next.
'I'm a little sad about going home right away,' Serena was saying, 'but I'm also dying to tell Gadeth all about it. I wish he could have been here. Shops aren't really his thing but he says it's amusing just to tag around with me. How long have we been up, I wonder? We got up in the middle of the night and we've had an afternoon and a bit of evening. It's been so weird - can you imagine any connection between where we are now and where we were before and are going back to? But we're the same people. I never get over that. The stars don't look nearly as bright from here, do they? I suppose you have a lot of light pollution from the city. And it's bizarre to look up and just see the one little moon in the sky. I'm having a conversation all by myself, aren't I?' She stopped and turned back to look at the two of them, at the top of the stepped hill they were still climbing. 'Ah, I wish I was young again and still just falling in love like that,' she said sentimentally.
'Cut it out,' Van said, but it was really just for form's sake. He had just managed to catch Hitomi's eye and she had returned his gaze for several seconds before looking away. It was enough to make his heart skip.
'Probably time to be going home, then,' Serena said, and the skip turned into a stumble.
'Right,' he said. 'Back, of course. We've - spent enough time here.' He had almost said 'wasted,' but caught himself before he managed to undo any good he'd done.
'You'll have to get your things from my house,' Hitomi said quickly. 'You can't go straight away.'
'I know.'
She stayed in the hall with him while Serena changed her clothes in the bedroom. They both leaned against the wall, feeling constrained to quietness. Hitomi's family were downstairs, her mother getting dinner ready, her father snatch-watching the news on TV in between helping her brother with his science homework. They could hear an anchorwoman describing an aviation disaster in America while Mamoru complained over the top of her about the impossibility of thinking up a science fair project that hadn't been done before but was still doable by a non-Einstein.
'So,' Hitomi said softly, 'here's my world.'
'Your family are nice,' Van said. 'You'll tell your mother we said thanks, right?'
'Oh, of course.' The conversation died again. After a moment's deliberation, Van carefully slid his hand along the wallpaper to cover hers where it rested. Hitomi felt a slight, warm shock at the touch, as though her wrist's pulse was doubled for a moment. I can't just let my hand lie there like a dead spider. His palm rested on the back of her hand; she turned it over, interlacing their fingers, wondering how hard to squeeze. She wished he didn't still have gloves on. But we are holding hands. That was wonderful in itself.
'And I'd like you to tell her she has a very kind and understanding daughter,' Van said.
'Won't it sound as though I'm showing off?'
'Only if you also tell her she has a beautiful daughter.' He turned and smiled at her; she thought he smiled, but the light was at the far end of the hall and his face was a little shadowy.
'Oh, I'm not' She turned towards him to deny it, but her voice faded off in confusion. She could feel heat rising in her cheeks; with any luck he couldn't see her too well either. Knowing she was blushing always embarrassed her, which was a vicious cycle when you thought about it.
'I'm allowed to think so.'
'You're making it so difficult to say goodbye to you,' Hitomi murmured. She still had his hand; she pressed it in both of hers, gazing down at the interlocking fingers, unable to look him in the eye.
Was that the wrong thing to say? I was only trying to - if she'd just look up I'd know. He braced himself and touched her chin with his free hand, finding just the softest touch was enough to make her raise her head, and after that there was really only one possible option.
It was completely, blessedly different from kissing Meruru. It was simply easier; he didn't have to bend his head down in that awkward way. Although that thought occurred to him, it did not come close to defining how different it felt, how different Hitomi was. It was right, that was all. She was right. With Meruru he had wondered how quickly you could decently leave off, but this could go on forever and he would only get happier. She took her left hand off his and he felt her arm settle around the back of his neck; perfect, perfect, warm and sweet. He could feel a slight tightness in his chest and realised, with reluctance, that they would have to breathe sooner or later. As their lips parted he felt a tremulous warm ticklish exhalation from her and wanted to start over again, but at that moment the door of Hitomi's bedroom swung open, they both looked round guiltily, and Serena stood there, looking well pleased with herself.
'Well!' she said. 'I can't turn my back on you for five minutes, can I?'
Van felt only the mildest urge to suggest that she drop dead.
'Oh, be quiet,' Hitomi said, and gave Van an amused little just-between-us glance from under her eyelids, half shy. He wondered if she would object very much to being kissed again in front of someone else, but the window of opportunity was closed; Serena was busily saying that Hitomi could keep the change from their shopping, just as a thankyou present, reattaching her sword to her belt and offering his back to him. He ignored her as well as he could.
'What do you want me to do?' he asked Hitomi. 'I only want you to be happy. Would you like me to stay here with you?' It was the sort of thing he could only say feeling as he did now, before he had time to think about it and realise what was wrong with it; in a moment like this it seemed practicable.
'How on earth could you?'
'Then come with me.' She caught her breath and he saw worry come back into her eyes. 'Just for a visit. Like we did today. Couldn't you make some kind of excuse?' He traced the line of her jaw with the backs of his fingers, delighted as she inclined her cheek towards the touch. 'I just want to be where you are.'
'Where's Hitomi?' Mamoru asked. After getting through his first helping of fish, it occurred to him to notice that his sister was nowhere in sight.
'She went with her friends, just to see them home,' Mrs Kanzaki said. 'She's brightened right up. It's so nice to see her really interested in something again.'
'Very interested,' Mr Kanzaki said. 'I saw the young fellow kiss her in the hall upstairs - I was just going to find my reading glasses and they didn't notice me.' He calmly helped himself to more rice and enjoyed the impression this news made on his wife and son.
'Our Hitomi has a boyfriend?' Mrs Kanzaki blurted.
'Is she allowed?' Mamoru demanded.
'I don't expect there's any harm in it,' his father said. 'She's always been a sensible girl. I don't think we need to worry about her getting carried away.'