Chapter Twenty
Dawn was breaking over the rooftops of Zaibach's capital, a quiet tide of light that made the pillar that delivered the three of them to the capitol rooftop look watery and weak. Hitomi gazed around her, squinting slightly in the daylight.
'I only remember it being night here,' she said. 'It doesn't look too bad with the sun shining.'
'I wish you could see Fanelia now,' Van said. 'Things are getting back to normal. In fact it probably looks smarter than it ever did - this architect friend of Dryden's came out and offered to design new streets and houses pro bono. People are starting to feel really hopeful again, I think. And if I can just sort things out here, they'll be that much safer.' Her hand was still in his, although she too had warm gloves on now. She had packed a bag in a hurry; the amount of clothing she had put in, and the fact that she had run to the bathroom to get her toothbrush and shampoo, made him hopeful that she would stay for a while. Even long enough to return to Fanelia, perhaps.
'Aren't they lucky to have you looking after them?' she asked. They both turned from the view at the sound of a voice.
'There you are!' It was Gadeth, striding towards them over the rooftop from the anchored Crusade, frowning against the bright light.
'Here we are!' Serena replied, running to him with shopping bags slung over her arms. She flung her arms around him, planting an apologetic kiss on his cheek. 'Were you all right without me?'
'When am I ever all right without you?' he asked, half-smiling, but still with a trace of a frown. 'You gave us a hell of a fright disappearing like that.' Other men were emerging from Crusade and Lion Rampant, and he stepped back from her awkwardly. He hadn't returned her kiss, and she looked up at him wistfully.
'Really, were things all right? I know we screwed up. I've been trying to sort things out at the other end. We got a Hitomi.' She gestured towards the couple behind them; a strand of Hitomi's hair had blown across her eyes and Van was occupied in brushing it away.
'Hitomi? Well it's nice to see her again'
'Serena-sama! You're all right!' Rafel ran up to her and grabbed her arm, his face shining.
'Well, someone's glad to see me,' she said.
'I heard you flew away!'
'All the way to the Phantom Moon!'
'Amazing! What did you do?'
'I actually, I went shopping. Have some chewing-gum.' She produced a small coloured packet from one of the bags and gave it to him.
'You went shopping!?' Gadeth took Serena's elbow and pivoted her away from the boy. 'What were you thinking?'
'I only did it to fill in time while Van and Hitomi were getting reacquainted,' she protested. 'I got you a present.'
'Oh, that's nice, I could do with a present after the night we've had. Artho Mariel thinks you two are insane. He's told us we have until noon to pack up and leave before he and his gang clear us out by force. We're a laughing stock. No, to be exact, you are a laughing stock. The crew aren't going to listen to a word you say. There's a limit to what I can do with them, especially when I'm meant to be under you. Things are going to hell here.'
'It - it wasn't all my fault!'
'It wasn't none of your fault, either.' He took in her stricken expression and sighed. 'I am on your side. If you don't see this stuff I've got to tell you about it. It's getting out of control and we need someone with more experience in charge. I think it's time you sent a message back home. We can hold on here until reinforcements arrive. I mean, if we have to we'll just get back in the ships and hover out of reach.'
'But we have plenty of men,' Serena objected. 'We can hold the capitol. This is a power game, if we can get a decisive victory we'll be fine. We've just got to show Mr Mariel up in front of his people. We can do that.'
'Maybe Van can do that, and I'm sure Ailo and Arctu's men will play ball, but - I'm just saying, if you can't keep the respect of your own troops you'll get nowhere. And if the Asturian contingent gets unruly, it's going to demoralise the others and the whole thing'll turn to custard. Look, would you put those bags down?'
'So, what, I should send a pigeon to Allen with a crayonned note saying Dear Big Brother Help Help I Can't Cope Love Little Me? I'm not that pathetic. And for your information, as I was trying to say, I was actually putting the time to good use effecting a reconciliation between Hitomi and Van so he won't be in such a shitty mood all the time and pick fights with me in front of threatening mobs!' Serena slapped the dangling carrier-bags together indignantly.
'What's going on?' Rafel asked anxiously. He stepped up to Serena's side and looked at Gadeth severely. 'What are you being mean to her for?'
'I'm not being mean,' Gadeth started to say, but lost track of the sentence when he was nearly knocked over as Meruru cannoned past him in her nightgown with a jacket over the top.
'Vaaaan-samaaa!' She sprang at him and threw her arms round his neck. Van staggered back a few steps, but managed not to fall.
'I was so scared when they told me and no-one knew where you'd gone and where did you go and why were you away so long?' Meruru yelped. Van ruffled her hair, laughing softly.
'Hello, Meruru,' said Hitomi. Meruru's head shot round as though it was on a spring.
'Oh,' she said, 'it's you.' Declarations of war had been issued in warmer tones.
'It's me,' Hitomi agreed. 'How have you been?'
'I've been absolutely fine,' Meruru said. She unclamped herself from Van's windpipe and stood up straight, trying to show her full height, which had not increased appreciably since the last time they had met. 'I've been looking after Van-sama, so he's been fine too.'
'Well,' said Hitomi, 'thank you for taking care of him for me.' She smiled warmly. Meruru's eyes narrowed.
'How nice to see my two favourite girls together again,' said Van, with a note of desperation in his voice.
'Is she here to stay?' Meruru asked him.
'If - if she wants to.'
'Where shall I put my bag?' Hitomi asked.
'Not in our room,' said Meruru. 'Perhaps you could bunk in with Rafel, the King of Nits.'
'Who?' Hitomi asked.
'Breakfast!' said Van brightly.
Breakfast was rather rushed through. Plans had to be made; it was decided that all three ships would revert to a hovering holding pattern to reduce the chances of sabotage by Silver Star. A lot of the cargo from the big troopship would first be offloaded onto the capitol roof, the space cleared on board to be filled by vast quantities of books and other documents the monks were bringing up from the subterranean levels. 'Even if we have to leave with our tails between our legs,' Ailo said, 'we'll have a lot of information we could never have hoped for before.' Except for a necessary guard detail, almost all hands were pressed into service shifting things in one direction or the other. Investigations were also being made into whether any of the smaller machines could be moved.
Hitomi and Meruru were allowed to help with the document-moving, partly because Meruru insisted, partly because Van was disinclined to spend the whole morning lugging books and not seeing Hitomi at all. There seemed to be a different understanding between the two of them now, although neither was perfectly sure of all the terms. Meruru was clearly aware of it too, and became increasingly disagreeable as the morning wore on. It was not that she was openly hostile to Hitomi; it seemed more like the sort of grumpiness that results from having to keep going with a headache that you can do nothing about. She seemed to find relief in increasingly savage verbal scuffles with Rafel, which took on a distinct competitive aspect as both participants strove to come up with the most devastating insult possible. Bonus points were given for alliteration or rhyming.
Hitomi felt strange and off-footed coming into the situation at the deep end, as it were. There was clearly more wrong than Meruru's bad mood, and the undeniably abrasive personality of Rafel, to whom she'd been hastily introduced. A lot of the trouble seemed to centre around Serena. For one thing, although she had spoken affectionately and happily of Gadeth while they were on Earth, she didn't seem to be getting on with him at all well in the present. Hitomi had rather looked forward to seeing Gadeth again, remembering him fondly, but found his obvious displeasure with the whole situation intimidating. The Crusaders had greeted her cheerfully, and there had been a certain amount of teasing which had made both her and Van blush quite unnecessarily, but things were not right there, either. Whenever Serena spoke to one of them, he would look at her in blank way that was not quite insolent, and would obey her instructions only after a slight pause just long enough to give the impression that he might, if he chose, ignore her. It made Hitomi wish Allen were around to calm the situation, but she knew from the conversation between Serena and Gadeth that she could not help overhearing that Serena was vehemently opposed to calling for help. Throughout the morning she caught snatches of their argument about it.
For her own part, Hitomi was disposed to like Serena. She seemed bright and pleasant, and Hitomi could not be more grateful to her for suggesting that she and Van stay on Earth for a while. But of course Van didn't like her. It was understandable. Hitomi wondered whether she was not being rather disloyal liking Serena. Should she be trying to remember that the other girl used to be Dilandau, or was it all right to just take her as she found her? She was only the second girl of her own age who she had met on Gaea, and she was far more approachable than Millerna. It would be nice to have a friend here, even one whose life was so strikingly different from her own. A husband and a knighthood!
Now that she was here it was easier, just slightly easier, to try to think what sort of place for her there could be on Gaea. To leave her place on Earth right now was unthinkable; she would be in enough trouble for missing school while she was here - I can't believe I'm a truant! - and she simply could not imagine not graduating high school. The way she had been brought up, leaving school early was just Not Something We Do. In fact, she had never seriously considered the possibility that she would not go to university too. And on Earth, well, there was the track club, there were races and competition and the chance to prove herself. There were no Olympic medals to win on Gaea - even if she ever got to Olympic level, she reminded herself sternly.
At what point could she step out? And aren't I assuming that if I came here to stay I would be married to Van? It's a lovely thought - I think it's a lovely thought - but I can't depend on that. He might have to marry someone else, like Millerna did. Would he do that?
She tried to picture being married to Van while she stacked the binders on a trolley she had found. It was extremely easy, in a rose-tinted, picking-out-unborn-children's-names sort of way. But be reasonable, she scolded herself. Think about not being able to call Mum if the children were sick or I was worn out looking after them. If the children were sick! Think about medicine, and doctors - how good are those things here? Do they have vaccinations and - and dentists and things? Everyone's teeth look all right. I know the bathrooms are okay. Although the ones in Fanelia could use work. Think about being a queen - what kind of work is that? Would it be too hard for me or would I not have enough to do and get bored and lonely? Would he be so busy he couldn't spend much time with me? It's not like marrying a normal person who has a job he goes to in the daytime and comes home from at night. Do kings get Sundays off? Would we have to live like people in history or could I make a nice normal family like the one I grew up in?
Hitomi decided to stop asking herself questions she didn't know the answers to, and pushed the trolley to the elevator. When the doors opened, she found Serena already inside, with a stack of ledgers in her arms. Her face looked tearstained.
'Are you all right?' Hitomi asked. Serena mm-hmmed and motioned her in. The elevator floor had settled slightly higher than the floor outside the doorway, so she had to give the trolley a push and a jerk to get it over the lip and into the car, which produced a clashing noise and made the binders slither precariously. Serena tried to block their slide with her elbow, but several clapped and clattered to the floor despite her, and her own burden followed.
'Shit!' she exclaimed, kicked the metal leg of the trolley, and gulped hard as though trying not to start crying again.
'Really, are you okay?' Hitomi stepped into the elevator car, letting the doors finally close, and started trying to shovel the fallen binders back on any old how. Serena bent and helped her.
'Oh, fine,' she said, in a brittle tone. 'Just getting morgue records, very cheerful work, and Gadeth's in a mood with me as you may have noticed. Allen should not have given me this bloody job. They shouldn't have let me think I was up to it, I'm going to let everyone down. I've let them down already. It's all spoiled. Van's right about me. I push in without the faintest idea of what I'm doing.' She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyesockets as though she was squashing the tears back in. Hitomi was about to put a hand on her shoulder when she sprang up, deposited the last ledger on top of the trolley and shook her hands out briskly. 'But no! I'm fine! Damage control! Focus on what you can do, not what you can't.'
'I'm sure Gadeth won't stay angry,' Hitomi said. 'I always thought he was pretty easygoing.'
'Oh, he's not angry with me, he's disappointed in me,' Serena replied.
'But maybe you can make things better,' Hitomi offered. 'You never know. And if you ask for help'
'I wanted to get it all right by myself,' Serena said. 'I wanted to be outstanding and surprise people. I don't know. It might be wrong but lately I've been asking myself "what would Dilandau do?" And sometimes I just don't know. He let other people do the thinking a lot of the time, you know. He didn't really do plans beyond "let's find something and kill it." But his memories are all the experience of command that I've got. I keep finding out that there are some things he could do that Serena just can't.'
'Dilandau definitely wouldn't have done what you did for me and Van.'
'No, not soppy enough.' Serena gave a long, hard sniff, as though pulling herself together for good. She gave Hitomi a little smile. 'Well, at your fiftieth wedding anniversary you can have a toast to Serena Schezar Finn. "She meant well."'
The discipline problem that had been festering among the Crusaders came to a head around eleven o'clock. Serena had gone to find Gadeth, overseeing unloading on the rooftop, and when the men were having a breather, had taken him aside, into the shadow of the stairwell. With a reliance on the so-called 'feminine wiles' which she found herself rather ashamed of, she made a heartfelt protestation of her distress at having displeased him, and managed to wheedle him into something approaching mollification.
Eventually, he told her not to worry, and kissed her. It was a moment of the greatest relief for Serena; she felt that she had been let off from some kind of punishment. If Gadeth would still kiss her, nothing could be too awful; she couldn't have offended too badly. And if kisses could keep him happy, she would do her best to make every one worth his while.
Someone exclaimed sarcastically 'It's all right for some!' They both looked round to find Baile and Oruto watching them around the corner of the stairwell.
'Oh, grow up,' Serena said, irritated. It was the sort of joke she didn't need to hear just then. Baile did not appear to take it as a joke. His lip curled scornfully.
'Try it yourself,' he retorted, and turned his back, ready to walk away.
'Don't you speak to her like that,' Gadeth said.
'No,' said Oruto neutrally, 'he shouldn't speak that way to the girl you love.'
'He shouldn't speak that way to his commanding officer,' Gadeth snapped back.
'What officer?' Baile asked, with insulting emphasis, and still without turning. He began to walk back to the crates around and upon which the Crusaders were sitting. Gadeth started after him in a stiff-legged, angry lope, but Serena ducked in front of him and pushed him back with one arm. A flurry of impetuous steps brought her round in front of Baile, glaring at him. He stopped and matched her stare for stare.
'Do you want to explain what you meant by all that bullshit?' she demanded.
'What everyone knows,' he replied. 'I'll follow the sarge; I'll do what he says. He's as good as any of us and he's the one I'd say was in charge. As for you, well, he's got a nice little arrangement, getting to bring the wife along. I'm happy for him. What makes me want to spit is that you're the one who got the nice uniform, to go with your nice name, while a man who knows what he's doing is supposed to call you sir. Or whatever he does call you.'
'Gadeth accepts me as the commander,' she said, though she wondered if it was weakening her own position to put it that way. 'If you respect him so much you'll accept it too.'
'Of course he's going to accept you,' Rideth called out from the case he was sitting on. 'You're leading him round by the dick!'
Serena felt herself blush. What a disgusting way to put it, like an ugly cousin of the truth. There was a moderate wave of rough laughter. She could hear Gadeth inquiring furiously whether they thought that was any way to talk in front of a lady. The choice of word was unfortunate; it got an even bigger laugh. Her whole face was burning.
'The lady Serena Schezar,' said Baile, with a mocking bow. 'I don't know what's worse, getting orders from a girl or a boy, but with her we don't really have to make up our minds, right guys? I'd better stop. I'm gonna make her cry.' He put his fists on his hips and grinned at Serena.
The punch connected with his chin with such a report that most present thought a bone must have broken. She simply couldn't put the weight behind it to send him flying, but it lifted him slightly off his feet and he dropped like a puppet with the strings cut. He was certainly stunned, but not out for the count; his head rolled loosely for a moment and then he put a hand to his jaw and stared up at her with a touch of panic.
'Okay,' she said. Her throat felt thick; it made her growl. 'You don't like taking orders from me. Tough shit, because you're going to. And if I have to add a little punctuation to get your attention, that doesn't bother me an awful lot. I know how to do it. And you'll take it.' She glared around at the rest of them; they were staring at her, they were afraid of her. It was better; it was worse.
'Bitch,' Baile said thickly. He was feeling his chin as though making sure it still belonged to him.
'No, Baile, as of now you are my bitch.' Oh, what do I think I sound like?
'What's the sarge, then?' She didn't see who said it, and she was too steamed up to recognise voices. She swung her glare round on them again. Why doesn't Gadeth stop me? I guess he can't!
'I'll make you a deal,' she said. 'I can see why we shouldn't bring our private lives to work. Okay, no more. We're one hundred percent professional as of now. He's the sergeant. I'm the captain. We'll behave like we're two men on duty. There's no sex in this, only rank.'
'No sex?' repeated Baile. 'If that's the way you want to play it. It makes things a bit fairer, after all.'
'I - no, I didn't mean it like that.'
'You didn't? But if you're going to be professional, I don't see what's professional about the commander and the sergeant sleeping together. Separate rooms is what would be professional.'
'That's none of your business,' Gadeth said, 'absolutely none of your business.' He was terribly red in the face.
'It's upsetting our morale,' said Rideth virtuously. 'It's not setting a good example. Knowing that sort of thing about your officers, well, it doesn't help you to respect them.'
'All right, I'll get a room of my own. Happy?' Serena felt quite desperate now. She should ignore them, she should dismiss this nonsense, but they would ignore her ignoring them.
'Sarge isn't.' Gadeth had not been able to stop his face falling at her words.
'This should be fine for you,' she said, suddenly angry with him too. 'You're embarrassed about showing me any affection in front of people. And the only reason you're not as insubordinate as these idiots is that I am your wife. You don't think I can handle this either. I'll prove you all wrong. I'll prove you all wrong!' She stormed away.
He isn't following me.