Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the idea for this fanfic, which is not intended for profit.
Notes: This was an idea I have had rolling around for awhile now that I was finally able to write. This fanfic is in Daisuke's point of view. Yes, I am a Takari fan and don't even really like Daisuke too much *no offence to his fans*, but I guess you could say this is a Daisuke (Davis) /Hikari (Kari) / Takeru (T.K.) triangle. This fic actually made my opinion of Daisuke better if that's possible. The characters are much older in this, but I did my best to keep them in character.
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Letting Go Is Never Easy
Hikari…
Sadly I watch her from my hidden position behind the door. She looks so lovely in her nightgown, long chestnut hair falling over her shoulders. Normally my breath is taken away every time I look at her, but as I watch her now all I can think of is how pale and sorrowful her expression is. Her usually warm brown eyes are filled with tears that continue to silently stream down her face. Her body is shaking, her face full of grief and pain. I long to wrap my arms around her and tell her everything will be okay, but I know at this moment there is nothing I can do to comfort her.
Even though I've seen this so many times, my heart still wrenches. Her pain is always my pain. I remember the first time I found her like this, looking lost and helpless on our attic floor. I had woken up during the night, I'm not exactly sure what woke me; usually I sleep like a log. Panic had washed over me as I realized Hikari was no longer sleeping safely in our bed. I searched around the house frantically, ready to call the police when I noticed the attic door was ajar. When I found her, I could do nothing more than stand there and gape. I had no idea of how long this had been going on, but I had a feeling there had been many other nights where she had slipped away unnoticed. Ever since then, my sleep is often disturbed and restless knowing that she could be going through pain while I'm lying there.
My attention snaps back to her as she reaches into a large box and begins to pull out more items. I know what is inside there, one day when she wasn't home I went looking for it, needing to know what she cried over so many times. It was filled with pictures of him, pictures of Takeru and Hikari together when they were younger. She had kept many trinkets over the years she had known him that he had given her or they had shared that all obviously held sentimental value to her. I had almost felt angry when I saw this, she had kept all this a secret from me. This had quickly dissolved when I found her sobbing there the next night.
I sometimes feel selfish when my sadness isn't always for her. Sometimes it is my own too, because I know how much she loved him, perhaps more than she can ever love me. Hikari and Takeru had been very close for many years. They had both been from the original eight digi-destined, befriending each other quickly since both were the youngest of the group. I don't know as much about their relationship before I met them, but I'm sure they had not developed enough to see each other as more than friends at that time. I can still picture how jealous I had become when Takeru strolled into the classroom taking a seat beside her. They had obviously been very happy to see each other, and chatted away like they had known each other forever. On that day I believe I was determined to dislike him, and to do my best to win Hikari's heart before he stole it away.
Hikari had been what you might call a tease. She had known I had a huge crush on her, and was constantly making me jealous, always flirting and siding with Takeru for her own amusement. This doesn't mean she was a horrible person, in fact she is the exact opposite. Hikari is the kindest and sweetest person I know, always caring and looking out for friends and family. Though usually very observant, she hadn't known that Takeru also had feelings for her, or maybe she wouldn't have continued to confuse us both.
Takeru and I had gotten off on the wrong foot when we met. I admit he was a good person, but I just couldn't like the guy. I suppose my jealousy was too large for him to overcome, and it soon stopped his attempts to become friends with me. I have to say I'm kind of glad though, otherwise we would have been torn apart even more. As the years went on, I think I grew to respect him a little more, but it hurt so much to see them with each other.
All the rest of our friends always thought my silly little crush would disappear eventually, besides Takeru and Hikari were the ones that belonged together. Have you ever been in a one-sided relationship before? If not then you can't possibly understand how it felt to watch someone you care so much about fall in love with someone else. Of course I tried to feel happy for her, but it always felt like I was going to explode inside. I was simply Daisuke the big loser, always having people feel sorry for me. I'm not exactly a sharing kind of person; I tried to hide all my true emotions under my arrogance. That's probably why so many people found me annoying at times, but I couldn't let them see how I was actually feeling inside.
I'm not sure exactly when their relationship crossed the line to something more. Everyone had been so excited with comments such as, "I knew it all along," or "Took you both long enough to realize." Why hadn't I seen it coming? It had only been a matter of time before they expressed their feelings towards each other, which were undoubtedly the same. It was too late for me now, I tried to convince myself it was just another instance where I didn't get the girl, but with Hikari it was different.
As they grew closer, I pulled farther away. I could no longer be her friend who sat there faking a smile as she went on about Takeru and asked my advice. She was too blinded with her new feelings to notice it was breaking my heart more and more each day. Soon I just stopped talking with her completely, I know it hurt her because she didn't really understand why, but I offered no explanation.
Without warning, years later we were both thrown together again, I wish it could have been under different circumstances... Some of our old group had been coming home from a party; Takeru was of course the designated driver like always. Hikari had said it had all happened so fast, everything was kind of blurry in her mind. Another vehicle had suddenly appeared from no where, speeding recklessly down the highway. Takeru had tried to swerve out of the way of the drunk driver, but their car was hit and smashed against a tree. Hikari could only remember squealing of brakes and tires, everyone screaming, and then a flash of pain before she went unconscious. The next morning she woke up in the hospital, I had been called the night before, and had been sitting beside her bed for hours. She had appeared to be confused but happy to see me; it seemed that at first she didn't recall why she was in there.
It had all come back to her, trembling she had quietly asked me if everyone else was okay. I hated that I had to be the one who was forced to tell her what had happened, but it was probably better to hear it from me than from some doctor. Everyone else had escaped with minor injuries, but Takeru had received the worst of the impact. They tried everything they could to save him, but he died only minutes after getting to the hospital.
Hikari had looked up at me unbelieving. Suddenly she had crumbled and burst into large racking sobs. I had hugged her tightly, tears of my own sneaking past my eyelids. We had sat there for a long time in silence except for the sounds of her crying. I had only let her go when I was asked to leave the room so they could perform some tests. As I held her in my arms that day, I knew right away that I could never leave her again like I had before. She needed friendship and comfort more than ever, and I was going to do my damned best to give it to her.
Over the next few years, I tried to help her with her grief; she had never lost someone so close or important to her before. I wasn't trying to make her forget about him – I knew she never would – I was just trying to ease her pain. Her loving brother Tai helped her through a lot, but I'd like to think that I did even more.
Since Takeru's death, Hikari and I had grown a lot closer. She leaned and depended on me, and I refused to ever let her down. One afternoon while going for a walk together, we kissed for the first time. It had been so magical and even more wonderful than I could have ever imagined. When it ended however, she was crying. She felt like she was betraying Takeru, even though the accident had occurred five years ago. I had hugged her and apologized, telling her that I understood and I didn't want to pressure her. It was true, no matter how much I wanted to be with Hikari, I wasn't going to force her into a relationship with me.
Months later we kissed again, this time her being the one to kiss me first. She told me that she loved me, and I did the same, I always had ever since we were young. About a year later I proposed to her, and she said yes. The wedding had been huge, so many of our good friends and relatives had been there. I can not remember ever being as happy as I was on that blessed day. Hikari was too, but now that I look back, I can remember seeing a hint of sadness in her eyes. I'll spare you all the details of our wedding night, I'm sure you can imagine what that was like.
Now quite a few years into our marriage, I am still very content. Every morning when I wake up with her beautiful face beside me, my heart speeds up and I can't imagine living without her. I had briefly thought before that her feelings for Takeru were behind her now, but as I watch her now I know that I was wrong. Almost every night Hikari sits in the attic, holding pictures close to her. Each item seems to bring another memory, and whether they are good or bad she cries and cries for all the years taken away from Takeru's life by something so stupid yet so common that could have been prevented. I sometimes wonder if she thinks about what her life would be like if Takeru were still alive. What a stupid question, of course she does. It pains me to think that Hikari might feel she would be much happier married to him, never seeing or thinking about me again. I must face the fact that if Takeru were still alive; I would most likely be sitting by myself day after day in my lonely apartment. I try to push these thoughts aside, what is most important is that I am not alone. I am with a fantastic woman whom I will always love and cherish.
I have not said anything to her about her late night visits to the attic, I think she still assumes I have no idea. Maybe it is better this way for now, but soon I know that I should confront her and try to help her. Of course she is still grieving over his death, but she needs to try and move on with her life, not for my sake but for her own. I'm afraid Hikari will fall ill, she doesn't get enough sleep and doesn't seem to be eating much anymore.
I sighed and quietly climbed back down the stairs. As I climb back into our bed I feel my eyes start to close, but I force them open, knowing I can't sleep until I know she is back and safely lying in my arms. I know Hikari loves me, just not as much as I wish she would. This of course bothers me, but I can not complain because I always feel so lucky to have her with me. I can only hope that soon she will no longer cry so much all the time. Maybe she will eventually be able to get rid of all her pain, even though I know that letting go is never easy. Most of all I wish that someday my enchanting angel Hikari will open her heart wider and come to love me as much as she loved him.
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Written by Lilly
Like it? Hate it? Please send me any kind of feedback in a review. Arigatou!
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