I wrote this while stuck in Edinburgh Waverly after passing my driving test, yay me, and watching the big digital board chance every Glasgow Q' Street to CANCELLED. In the end I got a £45 taxi home only to get stuck in a snow drift! YAY ME AGAIN. Never mind here's part two.
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: The usual; I own nothing and Joss and WB, Fox and Mutant (grr, arr) Enemy Inc. Do. I own the plot, sort of, under copyright laws!!!! He He He.
Summary: Summary: What not to do when your car breaks down, it'll teach ya to charge your cell phone up before making a journey in the dark!! Cryptic as usual. OK Cordelia has been found and rescued by Angel three months after she was kidnapped. Now the team at AI must learn to cope with the after effects when minds are already frayed. The only people that can save Angel and Cordelia are each other but they have to get passed guilt, blame and silence to do that.
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Lost Without Hope - Part Two
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Angel arrived back at AI to find Wesley waiting expectantly for his return. Cordelia had fallen asleep in his arms a few minutes after they left the hotel. She had tossed, turned and mutter all the way through the half an hour journey across town. He lay Cordelia down on his bed and stood back watching, not believing that she was back after so long. Wesley stood silently by the aged Vampire, not wanting to break to silence but needing to know what had happened to her. He pulled Angel by the shoulder, turning him towards him. They both crept through to the living room where Angel still kept a watchful eye over the sleeping seer.
"Angel, what happened to her?" Wesley asked almost afraid of the answer.
It suddenly hit Angel the way Cordelia now looked, how long he had searched for her, how much he felt that he was to blame because he didn't protect her more. He felt Wesley tap him on the shoulder.
"Angel? Are you OK? I'll make some tea or coffee."
"No, Wesley I'm fine. I just can't believe she's back. God look at her. She didn't deserve this. Did you know that Wolfram and Hart were going to buy her? They treated her like a piece of meat to be fought over. I looked at the auction brochure. She was being sold for $15,000 with a vile of chemicals to induce her visions. They said..." Angel stumbled over his words, the emotion clear on his face . "They said that she once belonged to Angelus, to get a higher price for her. They were selling her because of me, who I used to be."
Angel looked at the Watcher by his side and saw the pity in his eyes. He didn't need the pity, it was Cordelia that needed the pity. "Wesley you better go home, get some sleep. It's been a long day. I'll ring you when she wakes up and we can decide what to do from there."
Angel settled down with his new book while still being able to keep an eye on Cordelias sleeping form. About 2 hours after Wesley, Angel still stood guard in the living room, scared that if he took his eyes off her then she would disappear again. He couldn't handle it if he lost her as well. Losing Doyle had almost finished him off but Cordelia had been there. Losing Doyle had left him feeling as if there was no purpose in life then Cordelia had come home from her audition with a vision and began to fill Doyles shoes but she could never take his place. She had lost him as well. Losing Doyle had left him free to sink into his pit of
misery and grief he had lived in when first coming to LA but Cordelia had pulled him out of it with her own grief. He had watched her tiny frame shake with tears whenever she thought he wasn't looking. Losing Doyle had brought him a whole new life and he wasn't ready to lose it, not now.
His thoughts were disturbed by a piercing scream filling the air. He flashed across the room to see Cordelia bolted upright in bed, screaming. He flung the book across the polished living room floor as he sprung from the sofa and ran through the kitchen and into the bedroom. It felt like forever at passed to him as he ran through the apartment but in reality it was only 4 seconds had passed. Angel found Cordelia sitting up right, tears streaming down her face but looking, blankly, ahead. Angel had been there for the nightmares after Doyle died and then when she remember the vision she had, had. He used to hear her shouting
his name everytime she stayed at the apartment. He looked at the stark figure in front of him. Angel sat on the bed next to her and pulled her into her. She didn't respond to him, she sat staring blankly past him in her own world. Angel felt the sweat on his fingers as he brushed her arms, hugging her into him. The coldness of her body alarmed him ass he shivered, the only clue to the outside world that she was alive within.
"Cordelia, you're freezing. We have to warm you up quickly."
He left her side and went into the bathroom. He turned on the shower, shifting it to Cordelias setting. Leaving the room to warm up, Angel went back through to Cordelia. He found her on the floor, her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped around herself. Angel bent down and looked at her sullen face. Her eyes were absent of any laughter or joy that use to dance. The spark and the fire that he had grown to love about her had long been extinguished.
"We're going to get you in the shower to warm you up a little OK." Cordelia nodded, the only sign of recognition he was given.
Angel scooped her into his arms and carried her feather-weight body into the steamy bathroom. He placed her gently onto the toilet and began to strip her down to her underwear. He stared as the extent of Cordelias frailness was shown. Her ribs stood out obviously as her once flat stomach sunk inward revealing exaggerated hips. Her legs reminded him of the charity adverts for Africa, gone passed the state of malnutrition and now starring. He gasped an unneeded breath but he couldn't help it. He motioned for her to stand but caught her again as she wobbled on her feet.
Angel removed his jumper and trousers to reveal his black Calvin Klein boxers. He pulled her up, supporting her in her strong arms. They both climbed into the hot shower.
Cordelia felt the hot droplets stinging her skin, the feeling of pain she had learned to block long ago. The pain or the comfort was all to real to her in this dream world she had escaped to again. This time was different, it was too vivid for a dream, too real to have Angel beside her again. She stared at his figure in front of her, not allowing herself to connect with it. If she connected with her scene it gave her hope, hope made her weak. If she was weak the doctors would destroy her. She felt Angels hands massaging her shampoo into her hair. The smell of jasmine and apple swirled in her head. She sensed Angel running
the shower head over her hair, washing away the comforting smell away. She couldn't take it anymore, she had to connect, just for a moment. Cordelia fell slowly into Angels chest, her ear lying in between his two pec muscles, comforted by the sound of his unbeating heart. It was all too real to her.
Angel smiled as she lowered herself, fitting into the shape of his chest. It seemed, to him, that she was searching for a heart beat that wasn't there. He smiled to himself again. Her hands snaked up his chest and wound around his neck. He didn't care if it was in support of if it was her first sign of affection. What mattered was that if he could feel her then she was safe, he could protect her.
Angel turned off the shower and pulled a large fluffy towel around her, drying her off while trying to avoid certain parts of her body. He lifted her out of the shower and back onto the toilet top. He left her sitting and she retreated back into her own world of her own metal bunk and iron bars. She was alone again yet everything in front of her was so real. 'The drugs the doctors are giving me are better than the last ones. I can feel these ones.' She thought ironically to herself. She watched, withdrawn, as Angel came back in and placed her jogging slacks with one of his over-sized black shirts in her arms and left her to get dressed.
Angel left her, with clothes in her arms, thinking that to dress her would just be invasion of privacy and she would kick his ass when she recovered. He hoped. Angel busied himself making a salad and whatever food he could find that Wesley had bought while staying there. Cordelia walked timidly out of the bathroom, Angels shirt drowning her.
"Sit down, I've made some food. You look as if you haven't eaten for a week." Angel said softly, coaxing her to the table.
Cordelia sat down, hunching her knees up to her chest again. Angel placed the salad and ham in front of her. She looked at it warily and started to pick pieces off the plate then tomatoes. After 6 pieces of lettuce and two pieces of tomato, she pushed the plate away. Angel watched as she walked back towards Angels bed. She curled herself up into a tight ball on the top half of the bed. Angel reached for the phone beside him.
"Wesley, it's Angel. She's awake and not good. I need to go and take care of some business, could you come over and keep an eye on Cordelia? I want her under 24 hour supervision."
"Yes OK, you know I will. Is she talking yet?"
"No, she, we had a shower and I made dinner but she only ate the lettuce. I'll speak to you when you get here."
Angel place the phone on the glass table and started to brood over what to do. He heard a crash in the other room. He bolted for the bedroom again for the second time that night. He found Cordelia whimpering on the floor in a vision, not crying just suppressed. He pulled her into his lap and stroked her hair as she slowly came out of it. She opened her eyes and took a second to register the vision was over then began thrashing at Angel.
"Get away from me. I'll tell you just don't hurt me. Get away." Cordelia shouted.
She jumped from his lap and stood baring over him. He could smell the waves of fear emanating from her person.
"Cordelia it's me. Cordelia?" He went to her side and try to reach for her arms. She pulled away from him and looked at him as she would as a stranger.
"I said I would tell you what I seen. God do you guys ever listen. I seen demons the same as usual. I smelt the docks, as usual. I heard the name, as usual. Nothing ever changes with these visions. When will you ever listen?"
Angel went to reach for her again to stop her mindless rant at him. He was confused at what she was saying but in no doubt this is what the people that took her did to her. But she only staggered away, yelling at him.
"No, I told you what happened . You said I tell you, then I wouldn't get anymore injection. Leave me alone!" She shoved Angel as hard as possible against the bed and ran into the living room, and hid behind the couch.
Wesley walked down the darkened stair well, watching every step he took. He could hear shouting and crashing in the apartment. He jump the last few stairs and ran into the apartment. He saw Angel standing in the bedroom and spied Cordelia trying to hide behind the sofa, her hands covering her ears and humming softly to herself.
"My God Angel, what's going on?" He looked at Angel and saw him run a confused hand through his un-gelled hair.
"She had a vision, I held her through it and when she came out of it like I used to do. Then she started thrashing about and I tried to calm her down. I tried to hold her but she started yelling at me about doctors and injections and telling them what the visions were about. Now we know what happened to her while she was gone. There were little purple bruises on her arms like she had been constantly hooked up to a drip."
"I think they tried to find out what happens when she gets these visions and the drip was just to make sure that she didn't die from her hunger strike. So has she said anything else?"
"No, she just curls up in these balls like she is now and hums to herself. I don't know what else to do about her."
"Angel, I hate to suggest it but don't you think that she would be better in a hospital where they have people who can help her through these episodes. You said it yourself, you don't know hat else to do. She needs 24 hours care and you have a city to guard and a redemption to find. You can't look after her and do that at the same time. "
Angel turned and growled at the Watcher. "NO! Do you think they could help her any better than I could. What would happen when she gets a vision? They would strap her to a bed and feed her full of drug then start tests on her to find out what they are. Just like what she's been through. NO! I caused this and I'll fix it. As for the redemption thing, she is my link to my redemption. Without what is the point and the city; for that one YOU are going to call Buffy and ask for her help. Tell her about Cordelia if need be but get her here. Cordelia is the soul I need to save now, the others will just have to put up with someone else." Angel stared at the Watcher. "Well? You can use the phone upstairs."
Wesley sulked back upstairs and picked up the phone in Angels office. He dialled the familiar Sunnydale number and waited for the pick up.
"Hello." The unamused English voice answered.
"Hello Giles. It's Wesley here. Is Buffy there?"
Wesley heard Giles shout out through the house for Buffy. A cheery, lively voice filled the air.
"Hi Wesley, what can we do for you? Some big, bad, uglies to kill?"
"No Buffy, well sort of. There has been a few problems here and we need your help to sort of get things back on track."
"Wesley, your going all cryptic on me. What is this? An FBI secret?"
Wesley let out an awkward laugh. "No, I'll start from the beginning. About three months ago, Cordelia was kidnapped and we couldn't find her." He heard Buffy gasp. "But we have her back now. She was being sold at a demon auction." He heard Buffy sigh out her gasped breath. "But she's in a bad way and I don't mean physically. Tonight she tried to kill Angel and started talking nonsense about doctors and injections. We think that the people that took her did experiments on her."
"Why would they do experiments on Cordelia never mind sell her a DEMON auction? I'm confused."
Wesley let out an exasperated sigh. "She gets visions from the Powers That Be and she was given them by her half-demon friend Doyle. Anyway these people were trying to find out how her visions worked. They figured out chemicals that induced her visions and started making her have them. She is really bad but Angel won't let her go to the hospital to get help. He thinks that he caused this because Doyle gave her the visions so Angel and Cordelia would stay together until the end. The city needs him but this thing with Cordelia is controlling him so I'm asking you to come here and help me fight the demons that Cordelia
sees in her visions."
God Wesley, you people don't do things by halves. I'll get Xander, Anya and Willow to cover my butt and I'll be there in about three hours. I'll bring Riley and we'll stay with my dad."
"No, I think it would be better if you came alone for Angels sake, his state of mind is starting to fray, and you can stay in the guest room in the apartment for when Cordelia gets a vision."
Buffy hesitantly agreed and was on her way.
Three Hours Later:
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Buffy lunged her rucksack down the narrow stair case into Angels apartment, not finding anyone in the office.
"Hello," She called out in the echoing apartment. "Is anyone there."
Buffy heard the television off the right of her. She stared around the corner to see Cordelia sitting on the sofa in the living room looking at the TV but not registering with what was on it.
"I'm over here." A voice in the dark, off in the opposite direction, startled her.
"You still like to sulk in the dark I see." Buffy slung at Angel.
"Buffy, don't start, things are bad enough just now without you sticking your 2 bit in as well. Well at least you're here. I didn't know if you would come."
"Angel, Wesley told me what happened. How could I not come? She doesn't seem that bad. Cordelia is just been Cordelia, she likes the attention you give her." Buffy said looking over at Cordelia again.
"Shut up!" Angel shouted at her. "You don't think she is seeing anything on that TV do you. She has been sitting in that position for 2 hours, staring at the same space. She hasn't even blinked. Cordelia tried to kill me earlier on for God sakes Buffy, do you think that is fishing for attention. She needs help, and I'm the only one that can help her. I'll take you through to your room."
He guided Buffy through passed his bedroom and a little down the hall. They pasted the bathroom and she seen both Angels clothes and Cordelias clothes lying haphazardly on the floor. She dumped her bag on her bed and back through to the living room to see Cordelia.
"Hiya Cordelia." There was no response. Buffy sat down on the sofa beside her huddled up form. "What are you watching?" Cordelia still didn't answer her. "OK...really into conversation aren't you?"
The old grandfather clock struck 2am and Cordelia got up without looking at Buffy or Angel as she passed and walked like a robot through to Angels room. She curled up on the top half of the bed and pulled the top sheet around her and closed her eyes, like she was being turned off for the night.
Buffy followed her after more of the silent treatment from Angel. She huffed off to her room, retreating with:
"You're gonna have to start talking to me at some stage if you expect me to help."
Buffy awoke, bolting up right in fear. She heard that painful scream coming from a room down the hall. She grabbed the stake by her bed and crept out into the hallway. She passed the bathroom, nothing, then she heard another crash. She raced down to Angels bedroom. She round the door frame, her stake held high ready for the attack but not for what she saw. She watched in horror as Cordelia frayed her arms at Angel and was thumping him with her fists while shouting at him to get away from her. A shattered lamp lay idly on the floor, the cause of the smash Buffy had heard. She watched intensely as Angel grabbed Cordelia
gently by the arms and pulled her into him. Her angry, protesting shouts dying out as her tears took over and she crumpled into the Slayer's ex-lovers arms and they both sunk to the polished floor. Buffy watched, a pang of jealousy ripped through her as she watched Angel stroke Cordelias hair, whispering in her ear but Buffy senses hearing every word.
"Cordelia, Cordelia listen to me, it was only a dream. Your safe now, you're here with me now. No one will hurt you, I promise."
Cordelia raised her head and looked into his eyes. "Angel? Angel is that really you? Am I dreaming?"
"No Cora your not dreaming, I'm really here. I'm not going anywhere."
Buffy felt a stab of pain to her heart as Angel sat with Cordelia in his lap and called her by a nickname. Xander had done that to Cordelia but he loved her. Angel was meant to be her eternal lover.
"You weren't there when I needed you. You left me on my own. You didn't come and rescue me. I waited for you...but you never...came." She muttered through her tears. "Wasn't I worthy enough for the Dark Avenger? How...could you...leave me?" She started to pound Angels chest. "You just fucking left me. I went insane in that place. I watched all the demons...die in front of me. I don't...know what the chemicals...they filled me with have done to me. I could have...HIV for all I know. I stopped caring because there was...nothing left for me to care about. The only thing that stopped me from taking...the needles to my wrists was my love for you, my hope of you coming to get me. I lost my hope and after that my body lived on but my soul had...died. You can't expect everything return back to the hunky dory way it was three months ago. Angel, I need to stop blaming...you and...myself for this. My world is the only place that I can do that. When I'm well...enough to stand in the shower myself, without you holding up, that was real wasn't it." A nod from Angel satisfied that question. "Then I'm gonna...go away, I don't know where, but I need to stop all the pain and the hurt...and find my hope and faith again."
Cordelia wiped the back of her hand across her face, her eyes red from the tears that soaked the back of her hand. She reached up her hand to Angels face and wipe his bloody tears away, letting the bloody spread across her hand like rivers. She didn't want to leave him but that was the only option she had left. She didn't hate him, she loved him and nothing would ever destroy that but the mixture of blame and the truth that he would never love her back was too much of a bitter pill for her to swallow.
"Cordelia, don't go. Please I'm begging you don't leave. Not when I've just got you back. I tried to look for you, you ask every snitch in this city that now has a black eye twice over. I hunted for you all over the city even tried to trace you abroad but nothing. Who ever they were, they kept you well hidden. I even asked a minister to find you and he told me the same thing I'll tell you: The hope you seek comes from your faith in each other, not from God. If you keep believing in yourself and believe in what YOU want then it will be fine. I'm not saying it can be fixed straight away. Let me look after you till you fit enough then let someone else help you and I'll stay away until your ready. Just don't leave me, not now."
The two sunk into each other, no one noticing Buffy slipping away crying to herself. The stayed in each others arms until Angel felt Cordelia at rest and placed her carefully back into bed. He lay down next to her on top of the covers, stroking her long, brown hair and watching the comforting sight of her chest falling and raising. He took a hold of her hand that was just loosely discarded on top of the bed and placed it in his own. He just needed a piece of her to know that no one had taken her away from him or she hadn't crept away in the middle of the day, not that she had the strength to.
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OK that's part two and part three is already in the pipeline because I'm snowed in and probably will be on my birthday! Never mind at least I got home tonight. I can't decide on an ending. Whether she should go back to him or stay away. Let me know. I know you will all say, stay together because they are such a great couple but think about it from the story's point of view please.
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: The usual; I own nothing and Joss and WB, Fox and Mutant (grr, arr) Enemy Inc. Do. I own the plot, sort of, under copyright laws!!!! He He He.
Summary: Summary: What not to do when your car breaks down, it'll teach ya to charge your cell phone up before making a journey in the dark!! Cryptic as usual. OK Cordelia has been found and rescued by Angel three months after she was kidnapped. Now the team at AI must learn to cope with the after effects when minds are already frayed. The only people that can save Angel and Cordelia are each other but they have to get passed guilt, blame and silence to do that.
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Lost Without Hope - Part Two
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Angel arrived back at AI to find Wesley waiting expectantly for his return. Cordelia had fallen asleep in his arms a few minutes after they left the hotel. She had tossed, turned and mutter all the way through the half an hour journey across town. He lay Cordelia down on his bed and stood back watching, not believing that she was back after so long. Wesley stood silently by the aged Vampire, not wanting to break to silence but needing to know what had happened to her. He pulled Angel by the shoulder, turning him towards him. They both crept through to the living room where Angel still kept a watchful eye over the sleeping seer.
"Angel, what happened to her?" Wesley asked almost afraid of the answer.
It suddenly hit Angel the way Cordelia now looked, how long he had searched for her, how much he felt that he was to blame because he didn't protect her more. He felt Wesley tap him on the shoulder.
"Angel? Are you OK? I'll make some tea or coffee."
"No, Wesley I'm fine. I just can't believe she's back. God look at her. She didn't deserve this. Did you know that Wolfram and Hart were going to buy her? They treated her like a piece of meat to be fought over. I looked at the auction brochure. She was being sold for $15,000 with a vile of chemicals to induce her visions. They said..." Angel stumbled over his words, the emotion clear on his face . "They said that she once belonged to Angelus, to get a higher price for her. They were selling her because of me, who I used to be."
Angel looked at the Watcher by his side and saw the pity in his eyes. He didn't need the pity, it was Cordelia that needed the pity. "Wesley you better go home, get some sleep. It's been a long day. I'll ring you when she wakes up and we can decide what to do from there."
Angel settled down with his new book while still being able to keep an eye on Cordelias sleeping form. About 2 hours after Wesley, Angel still stood guard in the living room, scared that if he took his eyes off her then she would disappear again. He couldn't handle it if he lost her as well. Losing Doyle had almost finished him off but Cordelia had been there. Losing Doyle had left him feeling as if there was no purpose in life then Cordelia had come home from her audition with a vision and began to fill Doyles shoes but she could never take his place. She had lost him as well. Losing Doyle had left him free to sink into his pit of
misery and grief he had lived in when first coming to LA but Cordelia had pulled him out of it with her own grief. He had watched her tiny frame shake with tears whenever she thought he wasn't looking. Losing Doyle had brought him a whole new life and he wasn't ready to lose it, not now.
His thoughts were disturbed by a piercing scream filling the air. He flashed across the room to see Cordelia bolted upright in bed, screaming. He flung the book across the polished living room floor as he sprung from the sofa and ran through the kitchen and into the bedroom. It felt like forever at passed to him as he ran through the apartment but in reality it was only 4 seconds had passed. Angel found Cordelia sitting up right, tears streaming down her face but looking, blankly, ahead. Angel had been there for the nightmares after Doyle died and then when she remember the vision she had, had. He used to hear her shouting
his name everytime she stayed at the apartment. He looked at the stark figure in front of him. Angel sat on the bed next to her and pulled her into her. She didn't respond to him, she sat staring blankly past him in her own world. Angel felt the sweat on his fingers as he brushed her arms, hugging her into him. The coldness of her body alarmed him ass he shivered, the only clue to the outside world that she was alive within.
"Cordelia, you're freezing. We have to warm you up quickly."
He left her side and went into the bathroom. He turned on the shower, shifting it to Cordelias setting. Leaving the room to warm up, Angel went back through to Cordelia. He found her on the floor, her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped around herself. Angel bent down and looked at her sullen face. Her eyes were absent of any laughter or joy that use to dance. The spark and the fire that he had grown to love about her had long been extinguished.
"We're going to get you in the shower to warm you up a little OK." Cordelia nodded, the only sign of recognition he was given.
Angel scooped her into his arms and carried her feather-weight body into the steamy bathroom. He placed her gently onto the toilet and began to strip her down to her underwear. He stared as the extent of Cordelias frailness was shown. Her ribs stood out obviously as her once flat stomach sunk inward revealing exaggerated hips. Her legs reminded him of the charity adverts for Africa, gone passed the state of malnutrition and now starring. He gasped an unneeded breath but he couldn't help it. He motioned for her to stand but caught her again as she wobbled on her feet.
Angel removed his jumper and trousers to reveal his black Calvin Klein boxers. He pulled her up, supporting her in her strong arms. They both climbed into the hot shower.
Cordelia felt the hot droplets stinging her skin, the feeling of pain she had learned to block long ago. The pain or the comfort was all to real to her in this dream world she had escaped to again. This time was different, it was too vivid for a dream, too real to have Angel beside her again. She stared at his figure in front of her, not allowing herself to connect with it. If she connected with her scene it gave her hope, hope made her weak. If she was weak the doctors would destroy her. She felt Angels hands massaging her shampoo into her hair. The smell of jasmine and apple swirled in her head. She sensed Angel running
the shower head over her hair, washing away the comforting smell away. She couldn't take it anymore, she had to connect, just for a moment. Cordelia fell slowly into Angels chest, her ear lying in between his two pec muscles, comforted by the sound of his unbeating heart. It was all too real to her.
Angel smiled as she lowered herself, fitting into the shape of his chest. It seemed, to him, that she was searching for a heart beat that wasn't there. He smiled to himself again. Her hands snaked up his chest and wound around his neck. He didn't care if it was in support of if it was her first sign of affection. What mattered was that if he could feel her then she was safe, he could protect her.
Angel turned off the shower and pulled a large fluffy towel around her, drying her off while trying to avoid certain parts of her body. He lifted her out of the shower and back onto the toilet top. He left her sitting and she retreated back into her own world of her own metal bunk and iron bars. She was alone again yet everything in front of her was so real. 'The drugs the doctors are giving me are better than the last ones. I can feel these ones.' She thought ironically to herself. She watched, withdrawn, as Angel came back in and placed her jogging slacks with one of his over-sized black shirts in her arms and left her to get dressed.
Angel left her, with clothes in her arms, thinking that to dress her would just be invasion of privacy and she would kick his ass when she recovered. He hoped. Angel busied himself making a salad and whatever food he could find that Wesley had bought while staying there. Cordelia walked timidly out of the bathroom, Angels shirt drowning her.
"Sit down, I've made some food. You look as if you haven't eaten for a week." Angel said softly, coaxing her to the table.
Cordelia sat down, hunching her knees up to her chest again. Angel placed the salad and ham in front of her. She looked at it warily and started to pick pieces off the plate then tomatoes. After 6 pieces of lettuce and two pieces of tomato, she pushed the plate away. Angel watched as she walked back towards Angels bed. She curled herself up into a tight ball on the top half of the bed. Angel reached for the phone beside him.
"Wesley, it's Angel. She's awake and not good. I need to go and take care of some business, could you come over and keep an eye on Cordelia? I want her under 24 hour supervision."
"Yes OK, you know I will. Is she talking yet?"
"No, she, we had a shower and I made dinner but she only ate the lettuce. I'll speak to you when you get here."
Angel place the phone on the glass table and started to brood over what to do. He heard a crash in the other room. He bolted for the bedroom again for the second time that night. He found Cordelia whimpering on the floor in a vision, not crying just suppressed. He pulled her into his lap and stroked her hair as she slowly came out of it. She opened her eyes and took a second to register the vision was over then began thrashing at Angel.
"Get away from me. I'll tell you just don't hurt me. Get away." Cordelia shouted.
She jumped from his lap and stood baring over him. He could smell the waves of fear emanating from her person.
"Cordelia it's me. Cordelia?" He went to her side and try to reach for her arms. She pulled away from him and looked at him as she would as a stranger.
"I said I would tell you what I seen. God do you guys ever listen. I seen demons the same as usual. I smelt the docks, as usual. I heard the name, as usual. Nothing ever changes with these visions. When will you ever listen?"
Angel went to reach for her again to stop her mindless rant at him. He was confused at what she was saying but in no doubt this is what the people that took her did to her. But she only staggered away, yelling at him.
"No, I told you what happened . You said I tell you, then I wouldn't get anymore injection. Leave me alone!" She shoved Angel as hard as possible against the bed and ran into the living room, and hid behind the couch.
Wesley walked down the darkened stair well, watching every step he took. He could hear shouting and crashing in the apartment. He jump the last few stairs and ran into the apartment. He saw Angel standing in the bedroom and spied Cordelia trying to hide behind the sofa, her hands covering her ears and humming softly to herself.
"My God Angel, what's going on?" He looked at Angel and saw him run a confused hand through his un-gelled hair.
"She had a vision, I held her through it and when she came out of it like I used to do. Then she started thrashing about and I tried to calm her down. I tried to hold her but she started yelling at me about doctors and injections and telling them what the visions were about. Now we know what happened to her while she was gone. There were little purple bruises on her arms like she had been constantly hooked up to a drip."
"I think they tried to find out what happens when she gets these visions and the drip was just to make sure that she didn't die from her hunger strike. So has she said anything else?"
"No, she just curls up in these balls like she is now and hums to herself. I don't know what else to do about her."
"Angel, I hate to suggest it but don't you think that she would be better in a hospital where they have people who can help her through these episodes. You said it yourself, you don't know hat else to do. She needs 24 hours care and you have a city to guard and a redemption to find. You can't look after her and do that at the same time. "
Angel turned and growled at the Watcher. "NO! Do you think they could help her any better than I could. What would happen when she gets a vision? They would strap her to a bed and feed her full of drug then start tests on her to find out what they are. Just like what she's been through. NO! I caused this and I'll fix it. As for the redemption thing, she is my link to my redemption. Without what is the point and the city; for that one YOU are going to call Buffy and ask for her help. Tell her about Cordelia if need be but get her here. Cordelia is the soul I need to save now, the others will just have to put up with someone else." Angel stared at the Watcher. "Well? You can use the phone upstairs."
Wesley sulked back upstairs and picked up the phone in Angels office. He dialled the familiar Sunnydale number and waited for the pick up.
"Hello." The unamused English voice answered.
"Hello Giles. It's Wesley here. Is Buffy there?"
Wesley heard Giles shout out through the house for Buffy. A cheery, lively voice filled the air.
"Hi Wesley, what can we do for you? Some big, bad, uglies to kill?"
"No Buffy, well sort of. There has been a few problems here and we need your help to sort of get things back on track."
"Wesley, your going all cryptic on me. What is this? An FBI secret?"
Wesley let out an awkward laugh. "No, I'll start from the beginning. About three months ago, Cordelia was kidnapped and we couldn't find her." He heard Buffy gasp. "But we have her back now. She was being sold at a demon auction." He heard Buffy sigh out her gasped breath. "But she's in a bad way and I don't mean physically. Tonight she tried to kill Angel and started talking nonsense about doctors and injections. We think that the people that took her did experiments on her."
"Why would they do experiments on Cordelia never mind sell her a DEMON auction? I'm confused."
Wesley let out an exasperated sigh. "She gets visions from the Powers That Be and she was given them by her half-demon friend Doyle. Anyway these people were trying to find out how her visions worked. They figured out chemicals that induced her visions and started making her have them. She is really bad but Angel won't let her go to the hospital to get help. He thinks that he caused this because Doyle gave her the visions so Angel and Cordelia would stay together until the end. The city needs him but this thing with Cordelia is controlling him so I'm asking you to come here and help me fight the demons that Cordelia
sees in her visions."
God Wesley, you people don't do things by halves. I'll get Xander, Anya and Willow to cover my butt and I'll be there in about three hours. I'll bring Riley and we'll stay with my dad."
"No, I think it would be better if you came alone for Angels sake, his state of mind is starting to fray, and you can stay in the guest room in the apartment for when Cordelia gets a vision."
Buffy hesitantly agreed and was on her way.
Three Hours Later:
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Buffy lunged her rucksack down the narrow stair case into Angels apartment, not finding anyone in the office.
"Hello," She called out in the echoing apartment. "Is anyone there."
Buffy heard the television off the right of her. She stared around the corner to see Cordelia sitting on the sofa in the living room looking at the TV but not registering with what was on it.
"I'm over here." A voice in the dark, off in the opposite direction, startled her.
"You still like to sulk in the dark I see." Buffy slung at Angel.
"Buffy, don't start, things are bad enough just now without you sticking your 2 bit in as well. Well at least you're here. I didn't know if you would come."
"Angel, Wesley told me what happened. How could I not come? She doesn't seem that bad. Cordelia is just been Cordelia, she likes the attention you give her." Buffy said looking over at Cordelia again.
"Shut up!" Angel shouted at her. "You don't think she is seeing anything on that TV do you. She has been sitting in that position for 2 hours, staring at the same space. She hasn't even blinked. Cordelia tried to kill me earlier on for God sakes Buffy, do you think that is fishing for attention. She needs help, and I'm the only one that can help her. I'll take you through to your room."
He guided Buffy through passed his bedroom and a little down the hall. They pasted the bathroom and she seen both Angels clothes and Cordelias clothes lying haphazardly on the floor. She dumped her bag on her bed and back through to the living room to see Cordelia.
"Hiya Cordelia." There was no response. Buffy sat down on the sofa beside her huddled up form. "What are you watching?" Cordelia still didn't answer her. "OK...really into conversation aren't you?"
The old grandfather clock struck 2am and Cordelia got up without looking at Buffy or Angel as she passed and walked like a robot through to Angels room. She curled up on the top half of the bed and pulled the top sheet around her and closed her eyes, like she was being turned off for the night.
Buffy followed her after more of the silent treatment from Angel. She huffed off to her room, retreating with:
"You're gonna have to start talking to me at some stage if you expect me to help."
Buffy awoke, bolting up right in fear. She heard that painful scream coming from a room down the hall. She grabbed the stake by her bed and crept out into the hallway. She passed the bathroom, nothing, then she heard another crash. She raced down to Angels bedroom. She round the door frame, her stake held high ready for the attack but not for what she saw. She watched in horror as Cordelia frayed her arms at Angel and was thumping him with her fists while shouting at him to get away from her. A shattered lamp lay idly on the floor, the cause of the smash Buffy had heard. She watched intensely as Angel grabbed Cordelia
gently by the arms and pulled her into him. Her angry, protesting shouts dying out as her tears took over and she crumpled into the Slayer's ex-lovers arms and they both sunk to the polished floor. Buffy watched, a pang of jealousy ripped through her as she watched Angel stroke Cordelias hair, whispering in her ear but Buffy senses hearing every word.
"Cordelia, Cordelia listen to me, it was only a dream. Your safe now, you're here with me now. No one will hurt you, I promise."
Cordelia raised her head and looked into his eyes. "Angel? Angel is that really you? Am I dreaming?"
"No Cora your not dreaming, I'm really here. I'm not going anywhere."
Buffy felt a stab of pain to her heart as Angel sat with Cordelia in his lap and called her by a nickname. Xander had done that to Cordelia but he loved her. Angel was meant to be her eternal lover.
"You weren't there when I needed you. You left me on my own. You didn't come and rescue me. I waited for you...but you never...came." She muttered through her tears. "Wasn't I worthy enough for the Dark Avenger? How...could you...leave me?" She started to pound Angels chest. "You just fucking left me. I went insane in that place. I watched all the demons...die in front of me. I don't...know what the chemicals...they filled me with have done to me. I could have...HIV for all I know. I stopped caring because there was...nothing left for me to care about. The only thing that stopped me from taking...the needles to my wrists was my love for you, my hope of you coming to get me. I lost my hope and after that my body lived on but my soul had...died. You can't expect everything return back to the hunky dory way it was three months ago. Angel, I need to stop blaming...you and...myself for this. My world is the only place that I can do that. When I'm well...enough to stand in the shower myself, without you holding up, that was real wasn't it." A nod from Angel satisfied that question. "Then I'm gonna...go away, I don't know where, but I need to stop all the pain and the hurt...and find my hope and faith again."
Cordelia wiped the back of her hand across her face, her eyes red from the tears that soaked the back of her hand. She reached up her hand to Angels face and wipe his bloody tears away, letting the bloody spread across her hand like rivers. She didn't want to leave him but that was the only option she had left. She didn't hate him, she loved him and nothing would ever destroy that but the mixture of blame and the truth that he would never love her back was too much of a bitter pill for her to swallow.
"Cordelia, don't go. Please I'm begging you don't leave. Not when I've just got you back. I tried to look for you, you ask every snitch in this city that now has a black eye twice over. I hunted for you all over the city even tried to trace you abroad but nothing. Who ever they were, they kept you well hidden. I even asked a minister to find you and he told me the same thing I'll tell you: The hope you seek comes from your faith in each other, not from God. If you keep believing in yourself and believe in what YOU want then it will be fine. I'm not saying it can be fixed straight away. Let me look after you till you fit enough then let someone else help you and I'll stay away until your ready. Just don't leave me, not now."
The two sunk into each other, no one noticing Buffy slipping away crying to herself. The stayed in each others arms until Angel felt Cordelia at rest and placed her carefully back into bed. He lay down next to her on top of the covers, stroking her long, brown hair and watching the comforting sight of her chest falling and raising. He took a hold of her hand that was just loosely discarded on top of the bed and placed it in his own. He just needed a piece of her to know that no one had taken her away from him or she hadn't crept away in the middle of the day, not that she had the strength to.
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OK that's part two and part three is already in the pipeline because I'm snowed in and probably will be on my birthday! Never mind at least I got home tonight. I can't decide on an ending. Whether she should go back to him or stay away. Let me know. I know you will all say, stay together because they are such a great couple but think about it from the story's point of view please.