OK I am finishing this series here because it is causing me too many sleepless nights sitting in my computer unfinished so here you are. Nuttyginger
Disclaimer: The usual; I own nothing and Joss and WB, Fox and Mutant (grr, arr) Enemy Inc. Do. I own the plot, sort of, under copyright laws!!!! He He He.
Summary: What not to do when your car breaks down, it'll teach ya to charge your cell phone up before making a journey in the dark!! Cryptic as usual. OK Cordelia has been found and rescued by Angel three months after she was kidnapped. Now the team at AI must learn to cope with the after effects when minds are already frayed. The only people that can save Angel and Cordelia are each other but they have to get passed guilt, blame and silence to do that. hen Buffy enters the equation and life gets that bit more complacated!
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Lost Without Hope - Part Four
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Cordelia lapsed off into her silent world again and stood up. She matched off in the direction of the parks exit, leaving Buffy to run after her. The petite blonde struggled to keep up, even with her Slayer strength, with the brunette.
"Cordelia where are you going?" Buffy caught up with her and grabbed Cordeliasarm. "CORDELIA! STOP."
Cordelia whirled around with a smile on her face, the wind blowing her brown curls from her face. "We're going to Starbucks for coffee. I want a Caffe Latte."
The two girls headed off toward the car and then into the city. Cordelia felt a little release since venting to her once rival but dreading returning back to Angel Investigation and facing her boss. Buffy thought about the woman, who had once tried to break her and Angel up when they first found each other, was now spending 24 hours a day 7 days a week with the him, up close and personal, 2 and a half hours from her watchful eye. Her despise of the slowly aspiring brunette beside her grew with each step she took.
The two women finally arrived at the coffee house and sat down with two Caffe Lattes in front of them. Buffy sensed that Cordelia was more relaxed in the surroundings of the coffee house so she thought it would be a good time to find out about Cordelia and Angels relationship now that the little green monster of envy had taken hold of her.
"So how come you'll talk to me without any problems but when it comes to talking to Angel, you blank him out and shrink away into your own little world?" Buffy asked coming off a little more harshly than she intended due to Cordelia state of mind and her own need of information.
"Part of me, my head and my memories, blame Angel because he could save everyone but me. But the other part of me, my heart, tells me that Angel loves me and would never let anything happen me if he could. He used to get all concerned and fuss over me when I got a paper cut. I just need space to get my head to agree with my heart and get on with things."
Cordelia stared down at the now empty cup with frothy milk still in the bottom. She thought over what she had just said. She had, in her heart, forgiven Angel because that's what her love for him had allowed her to but her head was different matter. Cordelia felt a soft nudge on her shoulder.
"Space Cadet, you ready to go home?" Buffy asked seeing she had cast adrift again.
They both climbed back inside Angels black convertible and headed back to the office, Cordelia at the wheel.
Angel was sitting at the table in the lowly lit kitchen, studying a glossy photo very hard. It was a model shot of Cordelia taken a week before she disappeared. She was smiling the plastic smile that she always wore when ever they had clients or she was meeting people for the first time. That smile was one of her many masks. He had seen the real smile, the smile that she kept for him, or if she had fallen asleep on his couch, she would lightly smile. It was enough of a smile to brighten up his darkened apartment. He missed that smile. He heard two sets of footsteps climb into the elevator and descend into the foyer of the apartment. Buffy peered around the door and Angel quickly hid the photo under his large Inca text, standing to greet his former love.
"Hello Buffy, nice day?"
Angel watched Cordelia tip-toe past Buffy and into the living room away from him. He tried to turn his attention back to Buffy but was drawn to Cordelias still form sitting on the couch.
"Yeah I was nice, normal. We went to the park and sat for a while. Cordelia acted really weird about it. She said the bench was special. Then we went to Starbucks for coffee and came home. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. What do you want me to say Angel. It was all rosy and fun!"
"The bench was probably Doyles bench. Cordelia likes to sit there and think, so do I, when it gets dark though."
"Can I use your phone to call Willow. You know make sure no one is trying to raise the Hellmonth again, since it was such fun the fourth time round."
"Yeah sure, use the one in my room. I'm gonna try and speak to Cordelia."
Buffy headed off in the direction of Angels bedroom, noticing the bottom of the photo sticking out from under the text. She sat down on the edge of Angels king-sized bed and dialled the familiar Sunnydale number.
"Hello." Willow Rosenburghs cheery voice filled the line.
"Hiya Willow, it's Buffy checking in. How are you guys? Any big uglies causing big Hellmouth trouble? How's Giles?"
"Hi Buffy, things are ticking over nicely. Spike's still neutered and he's camping out at my apartment since Giles had Olivia over. Giles is at a bit of a loose end, with you being gone to LA and now Olivia. He misses you. Speaking of LA, how's Cordelia?" The red head lowered her voice as if Cordelia could hear her.
"She's been through hell, well the human version of it. She was kidnapped by some people who conducted the experiments on her. They pumped her full of god knows what. She was like a shell when Angel found her."
"Hold on what are visions?"
"They are these movie show things in her head, sent to help Angel. They seem to hurt her like hell or she is just playing the Chase Drama Queen. She got them from kissing her 'friend'; he was half demon. She's called a seer or a messenger now. I don't think there isn't anything Cordelia hasn't screw in this town."
"Buffy! I know you and Cordelia didn't get on but she has been through a lot by the sound of it." Willow was shocked at her best friends attitude to the ex-Sunnydale cheerleader.
"I think I have a right to be since she is now trying to jump Angels bones as well. The first night I stayed here I heard screaming and shouting. Cordelia had, had a vision, which I had to go and fight, and she was pounding her fists into Angel. She was screaming at him like a Banshee and he just took it. They both ended up on the floor, whispering to each other. I stood and watched. She told him that the only thing that kept her from killing herself was the fact that she loved him. She sat there in HIS lap and told HIM that she LOVED him." Buffy fumed. "Then me and Angel had an argument 'Cos he wouldn't let Cordelia out of the apartment. He kept yelling at me. He shouted at me that Cordelia belonged to him. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, he was picking her over me so I slapped him hard and me and Cordelia left."
"Why did you slap him Buffy?" Willow asked, watching Spike vamp out in front of her and down his blood in one go. "Spike, go do that in private." She yelled of the phone.
"He thinks Cordelia is his! It's like he has forgotten about me. I mean nothing to him anymore. Because I can't believe he picked her, She finally got her man."
"Buffy, maybe this isn't what it looks like. They have lost a friend together, they both escaped Sunnydale because they didn't fit in any more, if they ever did. Now Cordelia has these visions to help Angel. They depend on each other for safety and support. It's just like you, me, Xander and Giles." Willow stated suddenly understanding why Angel and Cordelia had ram away from Sunnydale.
"Xander, that's it. She's doing this to get back at me for Xander. He always preferred me to her. She threw it in my face once when Xander was hurt, that Xander would always come running to me when ever we both were in trouble."
"It was me and Xander that cheated on them, not you. Maybe this isn't' about you anymore. I know your the Slayer, chosen to fight for the world but there are some things that just aren't about you."
Buffy stared at the phone in disbelief. Her best friend had just stood up for her bitchy arch-nemesis and the man who was a vampire that killed her teacher and put her in hospital. "Willow how can you say that? I phoned you for support not a slap down."
"Buffy, Cordelia is in trouble and needs your help or Angels help. You shouldn't care if it's you help, Wesley's help or Angels help. Buffy, your job s to save innocent people, Cordelia is an innocent and you have to..."
"Willow don't bother. I'll speak to you when I get back."
Buffy placed the receiver back on it's cradle and let out a frustrated growl. She could hear screaming in the other room, Cordelia and Angel were at it again. She went through to the guest room and grabbed her duster. She stormed passed the arguing couple without looking back at either of them.
Cordelia backed slowly away form Angel as he tried to calm her shaking form.
"Stay away form me. I mean it Angel." Angel went to pull her into his arms again. "Angel get away from me. I'm dirty."
"Cora, calm down please. What do you mean, your dirty?"
"I'm dirty. All the chemicals they pumped into me, they made me dirty."
"Cora we have to talk about this, you can't keep backing away from me. I need your help like you need mine."
"Great Mr Vampire with a soul wants to talk. You never talk. You wanna talk, fine we'll talk." Cordelia shouted, her hands placed firmly on her hips.
They both sat down on opposite ends of the couch. Angel looked at his seer, no longer seeing the shell of a woman he first rescued but still not the Cordelia that he had seen dancing in a club, radiating her confidence to the people around her. This was his newly-found seer, the weeks after Doyle had died.
"I have a fair idea what happened to you, I know you hate me and blame me for what happened to you but I want to help you."
Angel prepared for a retort or Cordelias quick tongue. Instead she turned and looked straight at him for the first time. Her face softened at him and her furrowed brow eased.
"I don't hate you, I can't hate you. You've saved my life so many times, both here and in Sunnydale. I blamed you at first because you were meant to come and rescue people in trouble but you didn't rescue me and I felt let down by you. Wesley sat sown and told me how you gave up 3 months of your redemption to try and find me. He told me you beat up every snitch in LA and made him phone every hospital between here and Sunnydale everyday. It took me a while to adjust. I had spent all 92 days
dreaming of you finding me or waking up in your arms, living in dreams. When you did find me at the Plaza, my dreams became too real, then when I was waking up next to you each morning I was so scared I was going to lose you all over again."
She began to weep again. Angel slid along the couch and slid his arms around her. She leaned into his chest, ruffling her face into his white vest top, taking in long, deep breaths of him.
Angel couldn't think of one thing to say. Half of his not wanting to shatter the moment and the other half of him delighting to have her in his arms, safe and sound. Angelus purred inside him, contented to have his newest obsession back within his grasp again. Instead Angel pulled her back into his chest, lying down on the couch. Cordelia automatically swung her legs up and lowered her back, fitting perfectly into Angels unbeating chest. He draped one of his hand over the top half of her arms and gently stroked the now colouring, soft skin. He felt her shudder.
Cordelia shivered slightly at his cold touch then at the soothing movements of his finger. She felt herself slipping into a sleep, smiling.
Buffy walked through the silent upper office contented. She had pulled herself together, having slammed, kicked and dusted her anger away. She had thought things through in her head. Buffy was going to make sure that Cordelia never got her hands on Angel. She wandered silently down the wooden stairs, hearing no more shouting or smashing. 'Cordelia must have fleed out, back into her own little world!' Buffy thought to herself. She quietly walked into the apartment and seen the back of Angels head over the top of the sofa arm, one of his arms draped over the back of his head. She was about to say 'Hi' when she spotted a
manicured hand and thin arm hanging over the edge of the sofa cushions edge. The anger surged back into Buffy body and Willows words came flooding into her thoughts. 'Maybe it isn't what it looks like.' "Like hell, what else can it be?"
"Well Cordelia, you finally did it huh. You got your man. I knew you gave up to easily when Angel first showed up, mind you, I didn't think you were one for casts offs."
Cordelia sprung up fully awake and felt Angel squeeze her arms slightly to let her know he was there. Her natural instincts took over her and she defended her family the only way she knew how: Insults.
"Angel isn't a cast off! What right do you think you have coming into Angels home and slagging him off? You really are a selfish bitch. I thought when you took me out today you done it out of kind, that maybe the Slayer self-absorbed attitude you seem to carry around with you had gone but I will be the first to admit I'm wrong."
"Oh Cordelia Chase, still playing the wounded victim. What was it Cordelia, the part where he is a Vampire, or thinking YOU could turn him back into Angelus with one moment of happiness that turned you on?
Cordelia raised her hand and with every bit of force she could muster, she slapped Buffy across the face. She knew no matter how hard she hit the Slayer, it wouldn't hurt her, only piss her off even more.
"For your information Buffy, his soul is permanent. God not even the love of his un-life could find a way but me and Wesley did. We did because we stick around when the going gets tough and Angelus starts surfacing. What is your problem anyway?"
Buffy stared blankly at Angel who just looked guiltily away from her. "Permanent. Why didn't you...? My problem is that he seems to have forgotten what happens when he falls in love, but that isn't a problem anymore."
"Buffy what are you talking about? Angel isn't in love with anyone. Angel doesn't date. Have you lost the plot between this morning and now? You under a spell again?" Cordelia waved her hand in front of Buffys face.
"No, I heard Angel, the first night I got here, calling you Cora. Xander used to call you Cordy but that was 'Cos he loved you. I saw the clothes lying on the floor in the bathroom, I take it you to got personal in the shower. Then today when me and you went out you kept saying 'Angels love' or your love for Angel. You love each other. I don't understand why you called me out here. Was it 'Cos I told you about Riley? This was just rub your new lives in my face."
"Buffy how could you be so childish. I needed you to help me defend the city when I had no one to turn to. I could rely on you and face you even after all we've been through together. Now I have a family to take care of. Don't think for a moment that I don't think about you but I will never replace you ever. No one can replace you or anyone else I have in my life. Not like you with Riley. I mean how long was it? 3 moths?" Angel asked now standing up.
Angel staggered back as he felt Buffys fist connected with his face then doubled over when he felt the full wrath of Buffys anger in a kick to his stomach.
"So you wanna turn this into a full out spar? 'Cos I'm ready for you Angel, I have been for a long time."
"STOP IT!" Cordelia shouted. "Oh yeah beating the crap out of each other is really gonna solve this. Buffy you go into the living room and wait for me. Angel, punch bag, take your anger out on that for a while, while I talk to Buffy. Maybe I can get through to her."
Cordelia walked away from the padded room hearing the thump of the punch bag that would probably need replacing by the end of the night.
Cordelia joined the pacing Slayer in the living room.
"Buffy what you said in there was not needed. God I don't get you sometimes. You brush in and out of here, shouting the odds off at everybody and then breeze back out leaving me and Wesley to pick up the brooding pieces and put them back together only to have you breeze back in and break him again. I think you should call Riley and leave. I would strongly suggest staying in Sunnydale, live your life and we'll find ours again. The phone is over there."
Cordelia listened to Buffy explain why she had been LA so long to her boyfriend and then begged him to come and pick her up rather than getting the Greyhound home.
"He'll be here in 30 minutes. He was training near-by with the army so...I think I'll just go pack up my stuff. Cordelia, maybe people do change but I just don't want them to. I wanna change and the world to stay the same. I guess that is the selfish part of me saying that I deserve it after all I do for it. But I'll still never forgive you."
"That doesn't matter to me, 'Cos you never cared what happened to me but thank-you for today. I may not have been much for you but an information search but it really helped me out. I wouldn't be here if you hadn't."
Cordelia walked away into their training room, leaving Buffy to pick up her stuff and pack. Cordelia found Angel sitting on the padded mats, the punch bag lying in a pile of it's own fluff, dead having serve it's purpose as a, punch bag.
"You OK?" Cordelia asked sitting down beside him.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'm just thinking things through, not brooding yet, just thinking. You seemed to snapped back to the old you pretty fast."
"It was Buffy, she was trying to make out that what we have here is wrong, tainted in some way, but I know it isn't. I know that I have nothing to do with Sunnydale anymore but I still care what people there think of me. I don't want them think I am some lover stealing, phycoed out whore that sleeps her way around LA unlike what Buffy would like to think. I guess we're OK now?"
Angel looked straight into Cordelias eyes and seen his old friend back in residence. He smiled for the first time in months. His Cora was back and she was safe.
"Yeah Cora. Yeah Things are OK."
He slid his strong arms around her and pulled her gentle to him. Cordelia beamed just to be back in his strong arms again.
Strong Arms
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The demons come, they plague my mind
I grasp at any hope I find
I wake up screaming to find you there
You hold me close, just to care
Your arms wrapped around me
Being there is all you can be
The strength in your hold
Banishes the nightmares cold
The fear grips me once again as I close my eyes
I'm scared of the demons and all their lies
But your arms protect me
Expel all the demons that I see
Your peace surrounds me and the nightmare drops
The demons disappear and the fear stops
Green fields and poppy seeds
This is where your peace leads
I'm surrounded by your desire
Nestled in your hearts living fire
The warmth fills my being
You are all I am seeing
I thank you once again for this protective feeling
Fate holds the cards and he is dealing
My card came up and I have you
You hold me close, nothing left to do.
Zoe Morrison
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Well That's All Folks. Yes I have finally finished this series at 00:12 on 11th of March 2001. Let me know what you think. I havea follow up to Holding On coming up called Two Kids And Deed To Do. Yes it has kids in it duh. So let me know how well I did or even better how badly I done, do to the fact that a slagging off just makes me write better as does praise! I'll stop babbling now 'Cos the sleep is setting in
Disclaimer: The usual; I own nothing and Joss and WB, Fox and Mutant (grr, arr) Enemy Inc. Do. I own the plot, sort of, under copyright laws!!!! He He He.
Summary: What not to do when your car breaks down, it'll teach ya to charge your cell phone up before making a journey in the dark!! Cryptic as usual. OK Cordelia has been found and rescued by Angel three months after she was kidnapped. Now the team at AI must learn to cope with the after effects when minds are already frayed. The only people that can save Angel and Cordelia are each other but they have to get passed guilt, blame and silence to do that. hen Buffy enters the equation and life gets that bit more complacated!
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Lost Without Hope - Part Four
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Cordelia lapsed off into her silent world again and stood up. She matched off in the direction of the parks exit, leaving Buffy to run after her. The petite blonde struggled to keep up, even with her Slayer strength, with the brunette.
"Cordelia where are you going?" Buffy caught up with her and grabbed Cordeliasarm. "CORDELIA! STOP."
Cordelia whirled around with a smile on her face, the wind blowing her brown curls from her face. "We're going to Starbucks for coffee. I want a Caffe Latte."
The two girls headed off toward the car and then into the city. Cordelia felt a little release since venting to her once rival but dreading returning back to Angel Investigation and facing her boss. Buffy thought about the woman, who had once tried to break her and Angel up when they first found each other, was now spending 24 hours a day 7 days a week with the him, up close and personal, 2 and a half hours from her watchful eye. Her despise of the slowly aspiring brunette beside her grew with each step she took.
The two women finally arrived at the coffee house and sat down with two Caffe Lattes in front of them. Buffy sensed that Cordelia was more relaxed in the surroundings of the coffee house so she thought it would be a good time to find out about Cordelia and Angels relationship now that the little green monster of envy had taken hold of her.
"So how come you'll talk to me without any problems but when it comes to talking to Angel, you blank him out and shrink away into your own little world?" Buffy asked coming off a little more harshly than she intended due to Cordelia state of mind and her own need of information.
"Part of me, my head and my memories, blame Angel because he could save everyone but me. But the other part of me, my heart, tells me that Angel loves me and would never let anything happen me if he could. He used to get all concerned and fuss over me when I got a paper cut. I just need space to get my head to agree with my heart and get on with things."
Cordelia stared down at the now empty cup with frothy milk still in the bottom. She thought over what she had just said. She had, in her heart, forgiven Angel because that's what her love for him had allowed her to but her head was different matter. Cordelia felt a soft nudge on her shoulder.
"Space Cadet, you ready to go home?" Buffy asked seeing she had cast adrift again.
They both climbed back inside Angels black convertible and headed back to the office, Cordelia at the wheel.
Angel was sitting at the table in the lowly lit kitchen, studying a glossy photo very hard. It was a model shot of Cordelia taken a week before she disappeared. She was smiling the plastic smile that she always wore when ever they had clients or she was meeting people for the first time. That smile was one of her many masks. He had seen the real smile, the smile that she kept for him, or if she had fallen asleep on his couch, she would lightly smile. It was enough of a smile to brighten up his darkened apartment. He missed that smile. He heard two sets of footsteps climb into the elevator and descend into the foyer of the apartment. Buffy peered around the door and Angel quickly hid the photo under his large Inca text, standing to greet his former love.
"Hello Buffy, nice day?"
Angel watched Cordelia tip-toe past Buffy and into the living room away from him. He tried to turn his attention back to Buffy but was drawn to Cordelias still form sitting on the couch.
"Yeah I was nice, normal. We went to the park and sat for a while. Cordelia acted really weird about it. She said the bench was special. Then we went to Starbucks for coffee and came home. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. What do you want me to say Angel. It was all rosy and fun!"
"The bench was probably Doyles bench. Cordelia likes to sit there and think, so do I, when it gets dark though."
"Can I use your phone to call Willow. You know make sure no one is trying to raise the Hellmonth again, since it was such fun the fourth time round."
"Yeah sure, use the one in my room. I'm gonna try and speak to Cordelia."
Buffy headed off in the direction of Angels bedroom, noticing the bottom of the photo sticking out from under the text. She sat down on the edge of Angels king-sized bed and dialled the familiar Sunnydale number.
"Hello." Willow Rosenburghs cheery voice filled the line.
"Hiya Willow, it's Buffy checking in. How are you guys? Any big uglies causing big Hellmouth trouble? How's Giles?"
"Hi Buffy, things are ticking over nicely. Spike's still neutered and he's camping out at my apartment since Giles had Olivia over. Giles is at a bit of a loose end, with you being gone to LA and now Olivia. He misses you. Speaking of LA, how's Cordelia?" The red head lowered her voice as if Cordelia could hear her.
"She's been through hell, well the human version of it. She was kidnapped by some people who conducted the experiments on her. They pumped her full of god knows what. She was like a shell when Angel found her."
"Hold on what are visions?"
"They are these movie show things in her head, sent to help Angel. They seem to hurt her like hell or she is just playing the Chase Drama Queen. She got them from kissing her 'friend'; he was half demon. She's called a seer or a messenger now. I don't think there isn't anything Cordelia hasn't screw in this town."
"Buffy! I know you and Cordelia didn't get on but she has been through a lot by the sound of it." Willow was shocked at her best friends attitude to the ex-Sunnydale cheerleader.
"I think I have a right to be since she is now trying to jump Angels bones as well. The first night I stayed here I heard screaming and shouting. Cordelia had, had a vision, which I had to go and fight, and she was pounding her fists into Angel. She was screaming at him like a Banshee and he just took it. They both ended up on the floor, whispering to each other. I stood and watched. She told him that the only thing that kept her from killing herself was the fact that she loved him. She sat there in HIS lap and told HIM that she LOVED him." Buffy fumed. "Then me and Angel had an argument 'Cos he wouldn't let Cordelia out of the apartment. He kept yelling at me. He shouted at me that Cordelia belonged to him. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, he was picking her over me so I slapped him hard and me and Cordelia left."
"Why did you slap him Buffy?" Willow asked, watching Spike vamp out in front of her and down his blood in one go. "Spike, go do that in private." She yelled of the phone.
"He thinks Cordelia is his! It's like he has forgotten about me. I mean nothing to him anymore. Because I can't believe he picked her, She finally got her man."
"Buffy, maybe this isn't what it looks like. They have lost a friend together, they both escaped Sunnydale because they didn't fit in any more, if they ever did. Now Cordelia has these visions to help Angel. They depend on each other for safety and support. It's just like you, me, Xander and Giles." Willow stated suddenly understanding why Angel and Cordelia had ram away from Sunnydale.
"Xander, that's it. She's doing this to get back at me for Xander. He always preferred me to her. She threw it in my face once when Xander was hurt, that Xander would always come running to me when ever we both were in trouble."
"It was me and Xander that cheated on them, not you. Maybe this isn't' about you anymore. I know your the Slayer, chosen to fight for the world but there are some things that just aren't about you."
Buffy stared at the phone in disbelief. Her best friend had just stood up for her bitchy arch-nemesis and the man who was a vampire that killed her teacher and put her in hospital. "Willow how can you say that? I phoned you for support not a slap down."
"Buffy, Cordelia is in trouble and needs your help or Angels help. You shouldn't care if it's you help, Wesley's help or Angels help. Buffy, your job s to save innocent people, Cordelia is an innocent and you have to..."
"Willow don't bother. I'll speak to you when I get back."
Buffy placed the receiver back on it's cradle and let out a frustrated growl. She could hear screaming in the other room, Cordelia and Angel were at it again. She went through to the guest room and grabbed her duster. She stormed passed the arguing couple without looking back at either of them.
Cordelia backed slowly away form Angel as he tried to calm her shaking form.
"Stay away form me. I mean it Angel." Angel went to pull her into his arms again. "Angel get away from me. I'm dirty."
"Cora, calm down please. What do you mean, your dirty?"
"I'm dirty. All the chemicals they pumped into me, they made me dirty."
"Cora we have to talk about this, you can't keep backing away from me. I need your help like you need mine."
"Great Mr Vampire with a soul wants to talk. You never talk. You wanna talk, fine we'll talk." Cordelia shouted, her hands placed firmly on her hips.
They both sat down on opposite ends of the couch. Angel looked at his seer, no longer seeing the shell of a woman he first rescued but still not the Cordelia that he had seen dancing in a club, radiating her confidence to the people around her. This was his newly-found seer, the weeks after Doyle had died.
"I have a fair idea what happened to you, I know you hate me and blame me for what happened to you but I want to help you."
Angel prepared for a retort or Cordelias quick tongue. Instead she turned and looked straight at him for the first time. Her face softened at him and her furrowed brow eased.
"I don't hate you, I can't hate you. You've saved my life so many times, both here and in Sunnydale. I blamed you at first because you were meant to come and rescue people in trouble but you didn't rescue me and I felt let down by you. Wesley sat sown and told me how you gave up 3 months of your redemption to try and find me. He told me you beat up every snitch in LA and made him phone every hospital between here and Sunnydale everyday. It took me a while to adjust. I had spent all 92 days
dreaming of you finding me or waking up in your arms, living in dreams. When you did find me at the Plaza, my dreams became too real, then when I was waking up next to you each morning I was so scared I was going to lose you all over again."
She began to weep again. Angel slid along the couch and slid his arms around her. She leaned into his chest, ruffling her face into his white vest top, taking in long, deep breaths of him.
Angel couldn't think of one thing to say. Half of his not wanting to shatter the moment and the other half of him delighting to have her in his arms, safe and sound. Angelus purred inside him, contented to have his newest obsession back within his grasp again. Instead Angel pulled her back into his chest, lying down on the couch. Cordelia automatically swung her legs up and lowered her back, fitting perfectly into Angels unbeating chest. He draped one of his hand over the top half of her arms and gently stroked the now colouring, soft skin. He felt her shudder.
Cordelia shivered slightly at his cold touch then at the soothing movements of his finger. She felt herself slipping into a sleep, smiling.
Buffy walked through the silent upper office contented. She had pulled herself together, having slammed, kicked and dusted her anger away. She had thought things through in her head. Buffy was going to make sure that Cordelia never got her hands on Angel. She wandered silently down the wooden stairs, hearing no more shouting or smashing. 'Cordelia must have fleed out, back into her own little world!' Buffy thought to herself. She quietly walked into the apartment and seen the back of Angels head over the top of the sofa arm, one of his arms draped over the back of his head. She was about to say 'Hi' when she spotted a
manicured hand and thin arm hanging over the edge of the sofa cushions edge. The anger surged back into Buffy body and Willows words came flooding into her thoughts. 'Maybe it isn't what it looks like.' "Like hell, what else can it be?"
"Well Cordelia, you finally did it huh. You got your man. I knew you gave up to easily when Angel first showed up, mind you, I didn't think you were one for casts offs."
Cordelia sprung up fully awake and felt Angel squeeze her arms slightly to let her know he was there. Her natural instincts took over her and she defended her family the only way she knew how: Insults.
"Angel isn't a cast off! What right do you think you have coming into Angels home and slagging him off? You really are a selfish bitch. I thought when you took me out today you done it out of kind, that maybe the Slayer self-absorbed attitude you seem to carry around with you had gone but I will be the first to admit I'm wrong."
"Oh Cordelia Chase, still playing the wounded victim. What was it Cordelia, the part where he is a Vampire, or thinking YOU could turn him back into Angelus with one moment of happiness that turned you on?
Cordelia raised her hand and with every bit of force she could muster, she slapped Buffy across the face. She knew no matter how hard she hit the Slayer, it wouldn't hurt her, only piss her off even more.
"For your information Buffy, his soul is permanent. God not even the love of his un-life could find a way but me and Wesley did. We did because we stick around when the going gets tough and Angelus starts surfacing. What is your problem anyway?"
Buffy stared blankly at Angel who just looked guiltily away from her. "Permanent. Why didn't you...? My problem is that he seems to have forgotten what happens when he falls in love, but that isn't a problem anymore."
"Buffy what are you talking about? Angel isn't in love with anyone. Angel doesn't date. Have you lost the plot between this morning and now? You under a spell again?" Cordelia waved her hand in front of Buffys face.
"No, I heard Angel, the first night I got here, calling you Cora. Xander used to call you Cordy but that was 'Cos he loved you. I saw the clothes lying on the floor in the bathroom, I take it you to got personal in the shower. Then today when me and you went out you kept saying 'Angels love' or your love for Angel. You love each other. I don't understand why you called me out here. Was it 'Cos I told you about Riley? This was just rub your new lives in my face."
"Buffy how could you be so childish. I needed you to help me defend the city when I had no one to turn to. I could rely on you and face you even after all we've been through together. Now I have a family to take care of. Don't think for a moment that I don't think about you but I will never replace you ever. No one can replace you or anyone else I have in my life. Not like you with Riley. I mean how long was it? 3 moths?" Angel asked now standing up.
Angel staggered back as he felt Buffys fist connected with his face then doubled over when he felt the full wrath of Buffys anger in a kick to his stomach.
"So you wanna turn this into a full out spar? 'Cos I'm ready for you Angel, I have been for a long time."
"STOP IT!" Cordelia shouted. "Oh yeah beating the crap out of each other is really gonna solve this. Buffy you go into the living room and wait for me. Angel, punch bag, take your anger out on that for a while, while I talk to Buffy. Maybe I can get through to her."
Cordelia walked away from the padded room hearing the thump of the punch bag that would probably need replacing by the end of the night.
Cordelia joined the pacing Slayer in the living room.
"Buffy what you said in there was not needed. God I don't get you sometimes. You brush in and out of here, shouting the odds off at everybody and then breeze back out leaving me and Wesley to pick up the brooding pieces and put them back together only to have you breeze back in and break him again. I think you should call Riley and leave. I would strongly suggest staying in Sunnydale, live your life and we'll find ours again. The phone is over there."
Cordelia listened to Buffy explain why she had been LA so long to her boyfriend and then begged him to come and pick her up rather than getting the Greyhound home.
"He'll be here in 30 minutes. He was training near-by with the army so...I think I'll just go pack up my stuff. Cordelia, maybe people do change but I just don't want them to. I wanna change and the world to stay the same. I guess that is the selfish part of me saying that I deserve it after all I do for it. But I'll still never forgive you."
"That doesn't matter to me, 'Cos you never cared what happened to me but thank-you for today. I may not have been much for you but an information search but it really helped me out. I wouldn't be here if you hadn't."
Cordelia walked away into their training room, leaving Buffy to pick up her stuff and pack. Cordelia found Angel sitting on the padded mats, the punch bag lying in a pile of it's own fluff, dead having serve it's purpose as a, punch bag.
"You OK?" Cordelia asked sitting down beside him.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'm just thinking things through, not brooding yet, just thinking. You seemed to snapped back to the old you pretty fast."
"It was Buffy, she was trying to make out that what we have here is wrong, tainted in some way, but I know it isn't. I know that I have nothing to do with Sunnydale anymore but I still care what people there think of me. I don't want them think I am some lover stealing, phycoed out whore that sleeps her way around LA unlike what Buffy would like to think. I guess we're OK now?"
Angel looked straight into Cordelias eyes and seen his old friend back in residence. He smiled for the first time in months. His Cora was back and she was safe.
"Yeah Cora. Yeah Things are OK."
He slid his strong arms around her and pulled her gentle to him. Cordelia beamed just to be back in his strong arms again.
Strong Arms
**************
The demons come, they plague my mind
I grasp at any hope I find
I wake up screaming to find you there
You hold me close, just to care
Your arms wrapped around me
Being there is all you can be
The strength in your hold
Banishes the nightmares cold
The fear grips me once again as I close my eyes
I'm scared of the demons and all their lies
But your arms protect me
Expel all the demons that I see
Your peace surrounds me and the nightmare drops
The demons disappear and the fear stops
Green fields and poppy seeds
This is where your peace leads
I'm surrounded by your desire
Nestled in your hearts living fire
The warmth fills my being
You are all I am seeing
I thank you once again for this protective feeling
Fate holds the cards and he is dealing
My card came up and I have you
You hold me close, nothing left to do.
Zoe Morrison
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Well That's All Folks. Yes I have finally finished this series at 00:12 on 11th of March 2001. Let me know what you think. I havea follow up to Holding On coming up called Two Kids And Deed To Do. Yes it has kids in it duh. So let me know how well I did or even better how badly I done, do to the fact that a slagging off just makes me write better as does praise! I'll stop babbling now 'Cos the sleep is setting in