Wandering in the Waking: part 1
A series of impressions of daily, and nightly, life.
"I never could tolerate any of that existentialism shit."
-Sydney
Winter had settled in firmly in the high valleys and ridges. The wind moaned through the thick groves of pine trees and hissed it way over the now barren high-meadows. Its touch was bitter, as it froze the skin and the tiny flakes it carried stung the eyes. It was a desolate place, the high country, full of mountains and clouds and storms. The few scattered farms clung to the lower, tamer, valleys their rough weathered walls giving silent testament to the tenacity of man. From a distance they almost resembled rabbit warrens half buried amidst the snow, their chimney smoke the only sign that life remained. For those who did not live in these simple homes there was only one alternative, the forests, deep and black they stretched up the valley walls and were home to wolves and bears and other dangerous things.
Tam gently knocked his pipe on the doorframe and swept the icicles from his short beard. Inside, his wife, ever cheerful was singing as she cooked dinner, her voice occasionally audible over the sounds of the wild. Their cabin was large and immaculate and both it and Tam were shrouded with the means of his living, the carefully tanned pelts of animals. Tam kept an eye on the wood-line, marking the precision with which the trees halted several hundred feet from his door. Wincing against the wind, he inspected his fences for the fifth time, waiting. The cold had finally pierced his many layers and he was about to go inside when his sharp eye picked out a darker shape detaching itself from the trees and moving slowly, carefully, towards his house.
"Well I'll be damned."
He lifted his arm in greeting to the other man who replied in kind, shifting a pack from off his shoulder and climbing over the fence. Tam checked his pipe once more and cracked the door open briefly to alert Mary.
"One more for dinner, Luv, that crazy bastard made it after all." Quickly closing the door again to keep out the chill he returned his gaze to the rapidly approaching hermit who he felt pride in calling friend.
"A bit chill today for gathering wild flowers." Tam's voice was a lazy drawl, his smile sharp. Dark eyes met his in good humor from deep in the hood, the hermit's only reply an eloquent snort. The two trappers clasped-arms familiarly and Tam waved his friend into the cheery light of the cabin.
"It's Ash!"
"It is lovely to see you, as ever, Ash!"
Mother and daughter chimed in unison as they set the table. The little girl's blonde braids bobbing excitedly as she ran to assist papa and his guest in setting their frozen outer-clothes by the fire to thaw. Pulling off the cloak and pelts and overcoat so traditional to the region, Ashley allowed himself to stretch a moment, loosening his chilled muscles. Heidi wasted no time in tidying up after their important guest and soon was happily settled in her father's lap, staring avidly at him. Mary had no such shyness and continued to shuttle plates from the stove to the table prodding her guest gently to a chair along the way.
"Do sit down Ash, you know our house is yours for as long as you're here."
Tam nodded agreeably and then pulled out a small jug with a devilish smile. "Sit! Relax! Share the spoils of my victory over Old Howell! That bastard drives a tough bargain but I had him this time… if only you'd been there… his face puckered like a lemon!"
"If only he'd stop talking about it!" Mary laughed good humoredly at her husband's pout, and ruffled his cropped hair.
"This was before the storms? A long time… "
Ashley's voice, always low and gentle, was rough with disuse but still drew a smile from the little girl. Tam smirked again and shifting the child, poured 2 cups of the potent brew. The two men reverently touched mugs and took careful sips; Ashley was obliged to cough his appreciation as the liquor scorched down his throat and settled warmly inside him.
"That must have been some face, I think you got his private stock this time."
"Ah look at you, you've got tears in your eyes! Welcome back to civilization Ash, you really ought to be on speaking terms with it more often… You've been living up there with those damn wolves so long you're starting to smell like one!" Mary scolded him with a look and coaxing her daughter into a chair began serving dinner.
Ashley had never intended to befriend anyone when he arrived at this furthest edge of the countryside. Far from the cities and politics of the south the mountains attracted him with their promise of remoteness and isolated beauty. He had promised Sydney that he would not look on the Dark as a burden, and in truth he didn't, but this did not mean that he was comfortable with it. The truth was that dealing with people in any large numbers made him tired, and more than a little anxious. Their thoughts crowded him, even when he blocked them out, a continuous distant murmuring, rather like waves on the ocean, that hovered at the edges of his hearing. Where there were people there were also ghosts, and they were even worse because they knew what he was. The first time he had seen one he nearly choked on his drink; in a crowded tavern an old man had boldly dared to join him in his booth only to proceed to start a conversation by lifting his head off his shoulders and setting it on the table. The deceased butcher, as it turned out, was more than content to spend his afterlife in his favorite pub and was more than willing to share his knowledge of the region, but had a distressing habit of pinching the barmaids when they came to refill Ashley's drink. The knight decided to return to the road after the second girl slapped him mid-apology. He was in no mood for such nonsense. The next ghosts he encountered were of a more pitiable kind, a mother and child who had died earlier in the autumn of a fever. Confused and lonely, the young woman spent some time simply following him during his errands asking him about why it was that she could not go on to Heaven. Ashley had wanted to help her, but in the end did nothing, uncertain if he could do anything that wouldn't be more harmful than good. The Dark was all about reanimation, not absolution, and he didn't think the village would appreciate him creating a zombie by accident.
But in the end it wasn't the noise or the petitions of the dead that drove him to seek solitude, it was his desire for peace. The more uninhabited the area, the less the Dark stirred and twisted, he found it's urgings and desires calmer, controllable. The solitude also allowed him to relax, no-longer having to be anything, anyone, he could stop pretending to be what the VKP had wanted him to be, or pretending that he wasn't. The Rood took care of his physical needs remarkably well, he ate little, and was never ill, and even the arctic temperatures only bothered him out of a sense of obligation, as if feeling the cold was a habit he couldn't quite shake. Ashley lived deep in the woods, too far for even the most gregarious neighbor to attempt lightly, and too humbly to be of interest to the occasional outlaw, not that any tried. He hunted and trapped as he wished, but mostly he meditated, gathering up the scattered pieces of his life and trying to reassemble them into some sensible pattern.
// If Sydney were here he would call it brooding…// Ashley smirked to himself and leaned back in to a tree, the first snows of autumn already falling. He had settled into the woods at high summer, ignoring the disbelieving looks of the shop keep at the last village he passed through. The winters in the region were legendary killers, and although it was barely September the high mountain stream he was fishing in had a generous sheet of ice across its flatter portions. It had been nearly 2 months since he'd last spoken to another human and the knight was content. However thinking of his deceased blonde friend quickly brought his mind to Tia, and the source of much of his troubled meditation.
// She'd have loved it here… the air is so pure… I remember her dreaming we could travel to the mountains… but /when/ was it? Before we were married? After? Why can I remember some things so very clearly and other things are simply blank? I can remember Marco, his eyes, his smell, the way he gripped my finger when he was newborn… but what was the date? How could I forget the /date/? My son's /birthday/… I should know these things… //
Ashley rubbed his forehead to forestall the headache he felt building behind his eyes. It was always the same; anytime he looked to closely at the blank spaces in his mind the pain would start. Like a man prodding a healing rib, he continually pushed himself, risking dizziness and nausea in the hopes of discovering /something/, another memory reclaimed from the abysses in his mind. He stared idly at the twine dangling idly into the stream, it was entirely the wrong time of day for fishing, but he had felt the need to be outdoors, and this was a good excuse as any.
// Father was fond of fishing… whoever he was… // Ashley killed the thought with a sharp oath, and pushed himself to his feet, the need to escape from his troubles was unbearable. His sudden movement startled any number of small animals who had all but forgotten he was there, and he idly watched them dart for cover, their simple fear sounding like high pitched whispered babble in his mind. The knight pondered the sound for a moment wondering if the 'noises' they made were in fact proof that the simple creatures had thoughts of their own or if it was his own subconscious trying to make sense of sub-human emotions by giving them human attributes.
// I don't want to die! //
Perhaps it was because he was trying to listen closely, perhaps it was because it was so quiet, perhaps Tam simply had an incredibly loud 'voice', but for whatever reason Ashley snapped immediately alert as the thought echoed across his mind. At first he could do nothing but stare dumbly at the squirrel chattering at him from a nearby branch, but he shook himself and immediately dismissed the idea that it had mastered human speech.
// This is fucking /great/… They'll finally find my corpse next year and laugh themselves sick at how Tam was brutally murdered by a /tree/… It's not fair. //
Ashley almost laughed as the other man, apparently somewhat near by, continued to project his distress. The thoughts were faint, but the very clarity to them and the fact that there was no other human around for miles made it child's play to trace. From the random images that the knight deciphered a trapper had gotten himself caught under an old deadfall. He was painfully pinned to the ground and likely to become dinner to the local predators before morning. Oddly enough, for all the man, realized his fate was marked, his thoughts were free of fear, for the moment. Ashley couldn't keep from smiling as he followed the trail; Tam continued to rant a stream of self-recriminations, mocking his own foolish pride that trapped him so.
// Ah well, it's not as though I could just leave him there. He's loud, and would likely get louder if something did decide to eat him. I'll pull him free and tell him to shove off, and then things will be quiet again… //
Still, the knight couldn't help but feel a small prick of curiosity, at this humorous hunter who had entered his forest.
//stupid! stupid stupid stupid!…//
Ashley rolled his eyes and continued down the slope.
//If I live through this…. Mary's gonna /kill/ me… // Tam stretched a hand out in vain for the hand-axe that he had dropped when the tree fell, but with his shoulders effectively trapped there was no way he'd get the leverage he needed to stretch that far.
// I refuse to die in such a half-assed fashion… all the wolves will mock me before scoring their free dinner… //
He ceased his squirming for a moment, panting for breath, and then the instincts that had made him both modestly wealthy and renowned in the valley came alight with a vengeance, and he held his breath feeling something draw near.
// Idiot! You should've been paying more attention, flailing around like a yearling /of course/ something noticed you! Christ but it's gotten quiet… whatever it is… it's big, and silent too, not good…//
Tam blinked the sweat out of his eyes and attempted to slowly, quietly, crane his neck to get a view of what was about to finish him. What he finally saw was more terrifying and more surprising then he could've possibly anticipated.
Ashley perched on the downed tree carefully, making sure that the trapped man felt none of the additional weight. The hunter was well and truly stuck, comically splayed under the massive trunk, legs kicking uselessly out from one side while his head and arm were free on the other, one arm was apparently pinned underneath the tree's girth. He looked as though he had been swatted face first into the ground; the area's boggy nature and soft soil the only thing that kept the scenario from having been deadly. The man, had grew suddenly still, and with slow careful movements attempted to look upwards, over his shoulder. He gave a yelp as their eyes met.
"Hello Tam."
Ashley jumped off the trunk and crouched in front of his beleaguered visitor. Despite his lack of practice, his voice was surprisingly normal.
// What the hell? How the fuck does he know my name? Are you a…//
"Ghost?" Tam choked out a startled question.
Ashley pondered the question, he had determined the hunter would be of no threat when he arrived, and out of habit had stopped listening to the man's thoughts. Unlike his mentor he derived no pleasure in feigning omnipotence.
"Do you mean to ask if you are? Or are you implying that I am…" The knight picked up the hand-axe and after a cursory inspection, used it to shred the bark off a nearby piece of lumber.
"I don't know you, how do you know my name?!" Tam watched uncertain if he was more perplexed or angry with his bizarre companion. From his awkward angle looking up he observed the obvious hermit as the man fiddled with a scrap of branch. The man was /large/ there was no getting around it. Strong arms and muscled legs were readily apparent despite exceptionally odd sized and much repaired clothing. The stranger was dressed in the same mottled shades as himself, tones meant to blend quietly into the wilderness, to make invisible. Even the man's skin, what was visible, was of a tanned nature, not surprising for one who chose to live in the wild. There was something however that was very curious about the hermit, and when he realized it, he almost laughed out loud. The 'wild-man' was almost impeccably clean, from his long unruly reddish-brown hair and beard to his old, tall utilitarian boots, he was a model for well-kept homeless men everywhere. It was utterly absurd.
The object of his study simply blinked at him, obviously attempting to dredge up long lost conversation skills. "Your name is Tam, you were talking to yourself… just now… I heard you."
"Oh…" It wasn't the most intelligent response of Tam's life, but given that he was feeling more than a little like he was dreaming the whole encounter, it was the best he could manage. "So…" He cocked his head meaningfully at the tree trunk. His companion simply stared at it, then him, then the tree again. "Could you help me get out from under this bitch please?" Tam voice was plaintive as he fought the urge to sigh in exasperation.
// He's no demon… touched… definitely a little touched… but just a man after all…//
Tam grinned in encouragement as his would-be-rescuer nodded sternly and rose to investigate the trunk, moving beyond his range of vision.
"Do you think you'd be able to crawl out from under? If the trunk were lifted a little?"
"Umm, sure, nothing's broken… I'm a right lucky bastard I suppose… but this thing must weight 400 stone! How in heaven do you intend to budge it?" Tam craned his head frantically trying to see what the hermit was up to.
"Prepare yourself then." The quiet voice gave no additional warning, and to the trapper's shock and amazement the trunk shifted slightly and then lifted several inches, freeing his arm and torso. Tam wasted no time in rolling himself free of the old tree, but was still sneezing, clearing the dirt and dust from his face, when he heard the trunk settle once more into the soft soil.
// How'd he do that?… I can't believe I missed it… he doesn't look like a man who just lifted 400 stone of lumber… //
The tree trunk looked even more impressive now that he was no longer /under/ it. The hermit moved to stand near him, looking unfazed at the immense piece of wood.
"I don't believe it," Tam stared at the taller man, and back at the tree. "I abso-fucking-lutely don't believe it." Shaking himself he turned again to his savior. "I owe you my life, friend. Anything you want, if it's in my power to grant, you've got it."
Ashley started at him a moment, and started to laugh. Seeing the other man's confusion he controlled himself. "I need nothing, my only desire is to be left in peace." He turned, intending to let the trapper find his own way back home.
"/Wait/!" Tam fearlessly leapt to his feet and grabbed at the retreating man. "At least tell me your name! My wife and daughter will want to say a prayer for you!"
"Name? My name?" The man shook himself loose and kept moving into the trees. "You can call me Ash."
The fire had long since been banked, and after an evening of quiet banter the trapper finally sought the comfort of his bed. Ashley wrapped himself with a quilt and curled contentedly in front of the fireplace, and listened to Mary's sleepy complaints as her husband settled himself at last. The cabin was warm and quiet, and totally at peace. The knight smiled in the darkness as he let his eyes close the need for sleep one of the few truly human attributes he had left. He felt his body relax, and within moments he was Dreaming.
The sudden disorientation and the sensation of falling had become expected and familiar sensations. Ashley opened his eyes again and found himself in the gray mists, tendrils of smoke gently coiling around his body. The Shadow-Land was always the same, the never ending gray, the mists and Müllencamp. It had been nearly six months since Sydney's death and every night since then he had come here. In the beginning she had always been waiting for him, but despite both of their best intentions, things had not progressed very far.
//I guess she's still sulking from what happened last time… //
It was ironic that he found himself the principal disciple of a goddess who had no effective way of communicating her desires to him. They had discovered early on that she could easily express her emotions and general desires through their bond. The one attempt they made at her sharing her thoughts with him directly had resulted in him being thrown out of the Shadow-Lands, back into the Waking with a massive nose-bleed, and a migraine that lasted for two days. Needless to say he was not anxious to allow the woman to try that again, and given how green she had looked the next evening she felt much the same. Müllencamp was not a creature known for her patience, and her lessons were sparse and very short followed by periods of sulking. Ashley wasn't sure which times he preferred more, when she was lecturing him or like tonight /ignoring/ him. Still, he /was/ learning. In their last evening together she had finally made him understand enough to ask proper questions, although he did not understand most of her replies. The evening was almost becoming enjoyable when he had put an additional two-and-two together to ask a question he had wanted to since the beginning of their meetings.
// Just three little words, I should've left off when she didn't answer the first time but no… I assumed that I was asking wrong and had to try again… she must have thought I was accusing her of something… although based on the way she snapped I think perhaps I discovered something after all… "Where is Sydney?" what has happened…is he dead? Is he here… /somewhere/? The bastard spoke of this place as a fantastic playground of the mind… and yet I'm incapable of manufacturing naught but mist and more mist… the teachers at the Academy were right, perhaps I have no imagination. //
Having little else to do with his time until his body was rested, Ashley walked at random through the misty world, swatting at the fog banks in irritation. If he concentrated he could manipulate the smoke /a little/ his will stirring it up into frantic eddies and whorls. Permanent or solid structures were beyond his understanding, and he could do nothing but marvel when Müllencamp summoned entire rooms at will equipped right down to the inkwell on the desk. And Sydney, who had promised to live forever, was missing.
// Sydney. I'd rather have that whelp at his most egotistical here and now mocking me than another month of the cold shoulder from that lunatic-goddess. The two of them must have gotten along wonderfully; both of them have a distinct flair for an excess of melodrama. //
Ashley pulled his coat around him tighter, realizing neutrally that he was dressed as he was that night in Valendia. Usually when he arrived in this place he found himself back in his old Riskbreaker uniform, but in thinking of Sydney apparently his clothes had followed the timeline of his thoughts. Everything was transient here.
// At least I have control over my own appearance… that could've been embarrassing I suppose…Sydney… Are you here? If I am truly the master of this place then should I not be able to find you? //
"Listen to me!" His usually commanding tones sounding muted in the gray. "I may bot like you, and you probably don't think much of me, but I /am/ the Bearer! I wish to find a man named /Sydney/, my predecessor… Take me to him."
The mists swirled continuously
"NOW."
The knight put as much authority and venom into the word as possible, putting the entirety of his focus and anger behind it. The mists shuddered, and as he concentrated on his desire, they began to swirl again, this time with a definite direction. Grunting in satisfaction Ashley followed the hint of a path that the Dark had laid out, his head already beginning to pound.
At first he thought his tired eyes were playing tricks on him, but the further he walked, the less likely it seemed. The mists were beginning to take on form and substance, and as he followed the path it was as though he was entering different reality. The grayness remained permeating everything but there was suddenly distinction, a grayness that was land, and one that was sky. Then the ground took on texture and forms; gray grasses rustled as he walked and to either side of him gray trees loomed tall and silent. He blinked tiredly and between one moment and the next, there was /color/. There wasn't much, the tones muted and dark, but it was there. The woods were dark, and the sky above was filled with stars, in the shadows of the trees there were random natural sounds, and in the distance, he almost swore he heard the sea.
// It looks real… sort of… almost like a dream of a place very well remembered. I wonder whose dream this is…certainly not mine, but Müllencamp's? But that doesn't seem right either… //
The path continued further, its silver surface alluring in the artificial moonlight. Ashley couldn't help but smile a little as he picked up his pace, the never-ending gray had been tedious but this, this was almost beautiful. He didn't know how it was that he had come to this place, usually the Dark lead him around in endless circles in the mist. He was here now however and was loathe to leave with our experiencing it to its fullest. His stride had become a ground-eating lope as he covered the wilderness, and in the distance he could see an end to the trees. Within moments he had broken out of the woods and onto a high bluff overlooking the sea. The 'moon' illuminated everything, the tall grass, and the sand, the wave crests and the woman wading in the water. Ashley paused. Müllencamp was singing, wading hip deep in the dark water she faced the sea and sang, the melody was old and strange but it gave the knight great comfort. Not wanting to disturb the goddess he sat by the edge of the bluff and watched, and she sang her siren's song to the tide. He therefore had an excellent view of the mystery that unfolded.
Müllencamp waded into the waters without hesitation. It was an impressive world her newest-but-one son had wrought, and its crowning glory, the sea, was fascinating, even to her. The waters were cold and salty, and stretched to the false horizon, but that was simple enough to do. What struck her every time she came was the light, and its reflections. It was always night in this world, or at least it had been so far. The moon always shone over the water, and the waves always crashed on the shore, but never with a pattern. The waves, and light, and the clouds and the winds, every time they were different, every time they were beautiful. It was a curious mind she decided that was unsatisfied with a place that simply seemed unordered, but actually made a place that allowed chaos in its structure. It was new, different, and fundamentally dangerous, naturally therefore, she loved it. It was a perfect home for her most gifted and most perplexing servant. A servant for whom she had grown tired of waiting. Müllencamp moved her hands across the surface of the water, feeling its nature and energy, and thus its maker's. It was time. Müllencamp began to sing, her lilting voice echoing across the waves, summoning, beckoning, awaking her sleeping child. He responded slowly at first, but as his spirit awoke from its restful torpor the waters near the goddess began to churn, and at length, Sydney, staggered to his feet in the shallows, salt water sluicing off of his whole, naked, adolescent frame. Müllencamp's song came to and end and for a moment they stared at one another, an odd reenactment of how they first met.
"Do you know who I am child? "
The water was quite cold really. The analytical portion of his mind, always the first to begin to function began to abstractly ponder how it would be to warm the waters and what the effect would be upon the land and the wind, its hypothesizing happening independently from the main of his thoughts. Sydney stood carefully, and pondered the question, the answer was obvious but for him the challenge always lay in the /delivery/. Why walk when you could dance, why speak when you could /sing/. He smiled and executed a florid bow without a care at his lack of modesty.
"I know you perfectly lady, you're a /fisherman/, and a good one too. "
He laughed at her pole-axed expression and waded to shore adjusting his form as he went. Sydney's feet were those of an adult as he stepped onto the dry sand, and he primly adjusted the collar of the loose shirt he wore before pulling his wet hair back into a small tail. The newly awakened mage turned back to the woman, still staring at him from the surf.
"Coming? The water is really meant to be looked at, not waded in… far too cold for my tastes. "
"Sydney, why do you call me a fisherman? I've been called many things, but never before have I been called /that/."
He offered her a hand as she stepped out of the surf. "And that is precisely why I said it, I'm nothing if I'm not original. I'd rather be dead than bore you. " She snorted at his flippant reply and reclaimed her hand, waiting. "Oh you wanted a /serious/ answer? Very well, it is a metaphor, simply imagine /me/ to be a particularly dashing and handsome fish. Who but a fisherman could have lured me from the water and up onto the shore. "
" I think perhaps you might make a very pretty fish little one…"
" I meant only to amuse, my lady. "
Müllencamp smiled, relenting. "You do amuse me troublesome child, else I've have not gone through all the trouble that allowing you to rest has caused me. You are well now. " It wasn't a question, yet Sydney took a moment to examine himself, turning his focus inwards. The draining wounds were repaired and his energies were balanced once more, the listless fading he had felt shortly after arriving in the Shadow-Lands had passed and having rested long and well he was ready for adventure.
" I feel quite energetic, my Lady. A pleasant change I think… I was weary of weariness."
"You should, you've slept for a fulsome length of time. I was beginning to grow irritable."
"May chaos /engulf/ me before that unhappy event happens. I had no feeling of time as I slept, was it so very long? "
"Long enough as time goes here, some six months' tally of days for your successor. Who I am forced to tell you is a King among Simpletons. "
"/Six Months/! Merciful Mother! Six months alone with Ashley, who can neither speak to nor comprehend you… yes I begin to see the source of your irritation… but still I'd hardly call him a /simpleton/… untrained? Certainly. Stubborn? Most definitely. An occasionally Bloodthirsty and bitter bastard? Well he has his moments. But none of those traits are particularly /idiotic/ in nature…Lessons haven't been going well I take it? " He sat and sympathetically patted the sand, inviting her to join him. The goddess sighed, and her veils jingled in the breeze as she rested her head upon his now fleshy shoulder.
" It has not been fun. " The goddess grumpily conceded, not liking to admit that anything was beyond her.
"And I'm certain that you have far more pressing things to deal with than trying to decipher your newest troublemaker, hmmm? Might I offer my services in this endeavor? " He schooled his face into careful indifference, it wouldn't do to seem over eager to see the knight again, nor to imply that Müllencamp /needed/ help from a lowly newborn spirit like himself. There were ranks and seniority's in all things, and in the Shadow-Lands the newly dead were rather towards the bottom of the order, despite the favoritism he was accustomed to receiving.
He needn't have worried however because Müllencamp put her head back and laughed. "You're the one who caused this /issue/ Sydney… Resolve it. That is my only instruction for you for the time being. You will teach that sell-sword how to speak prettily to me, and make sure he does as I bid him. Also see that he doesn't do anything stupid, your death was unavoidable, but losing a Bearer is traumatic enough that I have no urge for him to do anything sudden." The goddess straightened and pulled his head down to lay a kiss on his forehead.
"You have your work cut out for you I'm afraid…" Müllencamp rose to go, waving him to remain as he was. "Not that I think you'll mind the labor, of course."
Sydney fought the urge to look away, and met her gaze resolutely, the beginnings of a blush on his cheeks. There was never really any way of hiding things from Her; it was foolish to have tried. He made to respond but she again waved him off, turning to contemplate the sea.
"Nice ocean, by-the-way. " Without further warning she vanished, her attention turned elsewhere now that her task was complete. Sydney shook his head in chagrin willing the pink from his cheeks.
// At least she isn't jealous… that would've been awkward… and unpleasant. She'll likely use it against me at some point though… Ah Ashley… I need be no prophet to foresee the amount of trouble you're going to cause me, and more than likely you'll be completely unknowing of it too… hardly fair…//
Sydney rose abruptly and dusted the sand from his leathers. The grains felt course and ticklish to his fingers and for a moment he allowed himself the childish delight of raking through the soft surface with his hands.
// Ah the perks of being dead… I get reunited with my arms… how… macabre. //
They weren't really his arms of course, his analytical side provided. /He/ didn't really exist, nothing here did. He was just a soul harnessed by its ties to the Dark, the fact that he had a form here was because he desired it, the fact that his arms were flesh, because he willed it so. Even the water, cold and salty, was nothing more than a mental exercise, a game, thus was the nature of the Shadow-Lands. Sydney gave his logical side a firm kick, sending it back to sulk in its corner, he had more important things to do than ponder the meaning of his own "afterlife." He conjured himself a jacket, a replica of one he used to be fond of.
// As I recall I wore it right up until the day they took my arms… I couldn't wear it anymore after that, I wonder what Hardin did with it, donated it to someone most likely, he knew I wouldn't want to be reminded of it… Such depressing thoughts! Enough, first things first, to find my errant Knight… or my Knight-Errant…// Sydney allowed himself a chuckle before heading for a natural break in the bluff.
// Knowing Ashley, he's probably in trouble already… or lost…// The mage carefully picked his way into the grassy meadow only to stop dead. //Or /Right Here/ all this time… Oh Hell. // Sydney put his hands on his hips and gave the lounging knight a frustrated look.
"Hello Ashley, been waiting long?"
It was simply surreal to see him standing there. There was something so /normal/ about the man that had been hidden before.
// It must be the arms… // Ashley pondered, inspecting the newly resurrected blonde. The man was dressed in a perfectly ordinary shirt and overcoat, his damp hair pulled back, he looked for all the world like a youth who had come from enjoying himself at the shore, a little sandy and wind blown but /normal/. The effect was totally spoiled when the man smiled. Sydney's face assumed its old familiar arch lines as he mocked his observer.
"What's the matter /old/ man? Miss me?"
// There he is, there's the arrogant bastard I knew. //
Ashley sighed and pushed himself to his feet, shaking off the feeling that he was talking to a ghost. Not that he wasn't, his reason replied, but that it didn't matter.
"You're late." The knight wanted to knock the smile off the cultist's face but he refused to be goaded by a dead man. No matter how tempting it was.
"Indeed I am. Müllencamp tells me that you are a most exasperating pupil, somehow the news did not surprise me." Sydney surrendered his haughty pose, curiosity getting the better of him, and paced a circuit around the older man. "You seem to have acclimated well… your projection seems solid enough…" Ashley staggered slightly, Sydney's sharp shove coming as a shock.
"What are you…" The mage held up his hands in a placating gesture.
"Just seeing if you're actually capable of reacting to the environment, you looked fine, but then when I first arrived I had all the physical presence of a ghost… it was very irritating… but then you've a much more solid connection to your body than I did then… Being a fighter probably helps too."
Ashley grumbled as the mage poked him again for good measure. "Inspection complete. So tell me…" Sydney assumed his most artfully air-headed expression.
"How have you been?… what have you done?…Kill any good priests lately?" The blonde's smile turned vicious.
// Definitely still the same Sydney… //
Ashley resisted the urge to sigh. "I did not appreciate being set up, to be honest, that caused me no small amount of … excitement."
"Well I'm impressed that I found some way to excite you… but I don't recollect attempting to deceive you… remind me, my memory of the occasion is undoubtedly flawed."
"That night…You /said/ you would rejoin me outside… that was the /plan/… you didn't say anything about /killing/ him, did you not think that I might object your using my face for /murder/?" The feelings of abandonment and betrayal, forgotten for months, bloomed in his chest as if new.
// How could you, you self-centered prick. I /trusted/ you. //
"I didn't kill him."
"Liar."
"No, 'tis the truth. I meant to, but in the end, the plan was altered… and not by me." Sydney grimaced and made a careful study of the sea, avoiding the Riskbreaker's eyes.
"He killed himself." Ashley reexamined the pieces of the puzzle, not sure of what to make of the new evidence. "But first he stabbed you? Why?"
It was the blonde's turn to sigh. "Misguided mercy, I suppose. But if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not have this discussion right now… It would require me to question my father's motives in structuring my entire life and that is a headache best left for another day. I died, it was an accident, and I am duly sorry for the shock it caused you. As for the rest, if you had left town when I told you, it wouldn't have been a concern."
"Very well," Ashley followed the mage's gaze out to sea and searched for a new topic. "You made this?" he gestured vaguely around him. His skeptical question drew Sydney back from his contemplation of the moon.
"Are you surprised?" The mage suppressed the urge to laugh at his companion's suddenly embarrassed twitch. "Yes, I made this…. It is my home… for now. You should have one too, but I imagine Müllencamp didn't get that far in your teaching."
"She is something of an impatient teacher." The older man commented dryly. "It is sad to admit, but I began to almost miss your senseless babbling… as arcane as it was, at least it was in mine own language."
"Have a care Riskbreaker, that almost sounded like a compliment…" Sydney felt his mood rapidly lifting, finding the man as fun to bait as before.
"But where are my manners, here you have come to my home, admittedly uninvited, but come never the less, and I haven't offered you any refreshments."
"I can do without seawater, thank you." Ashley allowed the smaller man to lead him around a grove and a little ways down the coast. He was obliged to blink however when a sturdy granite tower came into view, its four floor height easily putting its top level over the tallest trees.
// That was not there a minute ago. It would've been plainly seen from the path. //
"Come in, come in, I feel like a cup of tea. You?"
Ashley woke up feeling more than a little confused. Usually he awoke more than ready to face the day, wandering aimlessly in the mist was far from entertaining, and 'conversing' with the goddess was frankly tiring, neither left him longing to remain.
// It was so /real/… almost more real than here… //
He lay quietly in his corner, and listened as Mary quietly began preparations for breakfast, her husband still snoring. They would set out together at mid-morning, so he had time enough for the luxury of feigning sleep. Ashley could still almost taste the tea he had drunk in Sydney's tower. The ghostly hint of mint in his mouth was oddly at conflict with the more humble odors of the oatmeal boiling on the stove, and the ever present aroma of tanned hides.
// I wonder what Sydney would think of my current living conditions… he'd probably have to sit down from the shock… I can almost hear him… "The Rood-Bearer /can't/ be a hermit… it's just /wrong/! you're suppose to be /out there/ doing /things/ manipulating people…" No, no realistically he wouldn't do that I suppose…. Probably just lift and eye-brow and give me that arrogant "all-knowing" /look/ and wait for me to attempt to justify him wasting his time on me… //
Ashley rolled over, contemplating the sturdy roof. Their conversation had lasted for a long time but the blonde had not yet inquired as to what he was doing at present beyond the most vague questions. With any luck the mage wouldn't probe to deeply for a few weeks, giving the knight time to determine the best way to break the news to the man.
// "what have I been doing?" nothing, "have I been practicing?" No, "why not?" why bother… oh he'll just kill me… I wonder if you /can/ be killed in the Shadow Lands… I'll have to ask him later. //
With a grumpy moan, Tam pulled himself awake and blindly grabbed for his shirt. "You awake Ash? Of course you are… always fresh as a bloody daisy…" The man continued grumbling to himself not really waiting for a response before staggering into the store room to check the pelts they would be hauling to town. Traveling in the icy winters was practically suicide for a man alone, no matter how experienced they were, sudden storms could alter routes, destroy cargo, or bury you alive in deep wet snows. The luxury of a mid-winter run to town was one that Tam was willing to risk however, especially with the aid of his mysterious mountain man. Nothing seemed to faze Ash, whether it was act of nature, devil, god or man.
"You seem really distant today, friend… and for you that's saying something," Tam's breath forked in abstract patterns as they cleared it the valley's ridge, Behind them the small holding was all but undetectable in the blowing snow. The day promised to be fine for travel, the sky was clear, and the winds had abated in intensity. Tam received no response from his companion and shook his head. The hermit was lost in his thoughts, head down, and breaking trail with unrelenting but mindless energy. The trapper had originally argued that the grueling work of breaking the path should be shared, but his friend simply ignored him, starting up the valley's side at a steady unwavering pace. Ashley never seemed to tire, or to feel the still harsh winds that met them as the left the sheltering dell. Tam suppressed a shiver of paranoia and resumed following. The hermit was friendly enough in his way, a good man despite his curious, and occasionally /unnatural/, habits. Tam trusted him, and wasn't about to let a few inconsequential incongruities prejudice him unnecessarily. It wasn't as if the hermit attempted to flaunt his oddity, it was simply the way the man was.
//And while it's alarming to have him go all /odd/ on me at times, it doesn't change anything. I'm a big enough man to admit that he's better than anyone I know, at any skill I can name, and not let it get between us… Hell, thanks to him Mary will get fresh supplies to keep us well fed till spring and maybe even a present for Heidi. //
The day's hardships flowed over and around Ashley almost as if they were happening to someone else. He tried to pay attention to Tam as the man shouted the occasional question or curse, but it was all he could do to hold himself still during their frequent beaks. His thoughts were unsettled, refusing to stay on any particular idea. In his mind he kept reliving Sydney's awakening. The younger man had arisen almost child-like from the dark ocean waters and something about the image struck him to his very soul. As if some part of him, something long dead had witnessed the blonde's rebirth and was somehow reborn as well. This unexplainable "quickness" that fluttered in his chest translated into a physical desire to /move/, to /go/. This trip was indeed fortuitous, if he had been alone he would have likely prowled the woods aimlessly for days, but here he could be useful, provided that he remembered to keep the pace reasonable for his friend.
Traveling took the entire day, the two men arriving in town well after sunset. The path had hardened into a road of sorts and Ashley had no difficulties in following the flickering lights. Tam wasted no time in securing them a room at the tiny inn and they gratefully dropped their packs and cloaks before heading to the tavern below for a warming drink. Friends quickly surrounded the trapper as he made his rounds of the room, greeting people he usually wouldn't see until the thaw. Ashley took advantage of the cheerful crowd's distraction to slip unnoticed into a quiet corner with his ale. The barmaids shot him quick terrified glances from their cluster at the counter, each prodding the next to take his order. At length the eldest of the girls suppressed an obvious shiver and carefully presented a plate of stew and a fresh mug before scuttling back to the safety of her sisters. It would have almost been funny if they're thoughts had not pressed in on him so, as it was he concentrated very hard on finishing the meal that he no longer had appetite for.
// You'd think that I'd have remembered how irritating people are… I had gotten so used to the /quiet/ to be had in the hills… nothing like this…//
Ashley ate methodically and when a roar of laughter drew everyone's attention to the fireplace, he took the opportunity to silently leave, ducking up the stairs to his room.
// I have to stay focused. We'll be here the 'morrow and through the night before Tam can complete his barter and pack the supplies. Then we can go back to the hills… //
He raked a hand through the tangles of his beard and realized how long it had become since summer. Venturing to the empty communal washroom, he found a polished "mirror" of metal and started at himself on amazement. It had been some time since he had seen his own reflection, and the wild, hairy, mountain man that started back at him was a stranger. Ashley had prided himself on living cleanly, and took great pains that his gear and person were as well kept as possible, however his scant possessions did not include anything as vain as a mirror, and even the idea of one had never crossed his mind.
// No… no wonder they were staring at me…I look more bear than man. How convenient that I've grown so perfectly into the role I sought to play in these parts… I truly /am/ the frightening and mysterious hermit on the mountain top. "Don't upset him or he'll /hex/ you." Indeed… and that one girl was petrified I'd ask for a child for dinner… what nonsense. //
The knight frowned and retied his hair in a neat plait, then finger-combed his beard as best he was able.
// The beard is useful, 'tis sure… a warm disguise in this cold place…. But a little trim is definitely in order… //
A quick search of the room however produced nothing suitable for the job and he looked doubtfully at his sword.
// /Hacking/ at it with that would only make this worse…Oh well, it can wait 'till I'm back home I suppose… mayhap I can recruit Mary into making me look semi-human again… although I can already hear Tam complaining about how I'm absconding with his wife…//
Surrendering to the futility of it all, Ashley settled into the corner of the room, leaving the long unfamiliar comforts of the bed to his friend. With a small sense of foreboding he fell asleep, and also into the Shadow Lands.
Sydney resisted the urge to shiver as he waited at the edge of the Shadows, at the point closest to the Waking world. The mists were not truly tangible but he disliked them and they gave him a wide berth, leaving him standing in a small featureless clearing. The ever present /nothing/ that described this region irritated him, so did the waiting, however both were inevitable so he put them from his mind.
// Where is that muscle-bound oaf… is he suddenly insomniac? Or has something happened? How in the Hell am I supposed to "keep an eye on him, Sydney" if I'm lucky to get him six hours out of every twenty-four? //
The mages worries were temporarily allayed when moments later the shadows began to eddy and a form stumbled out from them. The Riskbreaker had arrived.
"Hello Ashley." Sydney opted for a cheerful smile, quelching the urge to smack the tardy man.
// It wouldn't do any good anyway, he wouldn't know why I was hitting him… and he gets this "confused puppy" look that I just can't stay angry with…//
The knight blinked in surprise at the welcome, but quickly regained composure and acknowledged the blonde with a simple, "Sydney."
// Ah yes, a "WellSpring of /Conversation/" as always, old man… // The blonde shook his head in wonder. // No "Good to see you," or "What are you doing here." … What am I supposed to do? Ask him about his day? It's just so /tacky/… but then anything's better than this… //
He summoned another smile, cuter this time. " So… How was your day?" Ashley gave him another startled look in response, followed by what was almost certainly a blush.
// Now isn't /that/ interesting…. //
"Fine. Shall we go?"
// And a topic change…. Predictable, Ashley, very predictable. //
Sydney laughed, relaxing. There would be other times to tease his student, for now, there were things to do.
"Yes, the décor here /really/ clashes with my boots. Come along, we must correct this problem post-haste." He turned into the mist moving briskly, certain the knight would follow. Over his shoulder he could hear the man's incredulous mummer.
"…clashes?"
After Sydney's voiced dislike for the unceasing fog, Ashley was surprised when they seemed to reach their final destination, only to have it be, /more fog/. He turned curiously towards the mage, who was calmly inspecting their surroundings.
// Why didn't we go back to the seashore? Or the tower? Is there something wrong?… I haven't said /anything/…yet. //
He rubbed his forehead certain a headache was on the way. The last thing Ashley needed was a repeat of his erratic relationship with the goddess. The knight frowned. He respected Müllencamp, even found her beautiful in her way, he was sure he'd like her if he could only understand her. Silly as she was, Sydney often described her as "wise" and occasionally "wonderful." So far however, Ashley had only experienced "patronizing" and "irritable" not to mention "childish to the point of lunacy" but his opinion was admittedly biased. The knight vaguely wondered if it was a bad thing to call a goddess "an idiot" in her own domain.
// Well, she hasn't /smote/ me into spiritual ash yet… so I guess she either doesn't know…or doesn't care. //
"Ready to be tested on your first lesson?" The blonde's mellow voice immediately brought him back to the task at hand.
// Damnation, I should've known /this/ was why we came here… I can't very well say "No"… but this "playing God" nonsense definitely doesn't seem a good idea… //
Sydney blandly ignored his silence. "Then let us begin!… Start small, a warm up." He gave a generous wave on his hand,"… it can be an object of your choice."
Seeing no point in arguing with the mage, Ashley closed his eyes and called upon the energies of the Rood Inverse. Carefully focusing his will, he visualized his creation, how it would be, its weight, balance, and the feel of it in his hand. He could hear Sydney snort in mirth as the weapon took shape, but ignored it. The mage hadn't specified /what/ to make, and swords were something Ashley knew very well. If there were anything he could make, and make well, it would be this. He resisted the urge to smile as he added details to the blade. The final result, a rather delicate if vicious rapier, a gentleman's weapon. The knight inspected it carefully but it matched his intention perfectly, from the sheen on the edge to the tooling of the leather on the hilt. With a flourish, he presented it hilt first to his startled instructor, a present.
// At least I can still rattle the man. Gods know it's trite of me but it's damned fun to knock him off of his little cloud of omnipotence occasionally, he may be a bloody know-it-all, but he doesn't know me… not entirely anyway… //
The mage made his own careful inspection of the gift, testing the edge before sighing resignedly. "'Tis well crafted… The instruction I gave last night was of use? You didn't seem to struggle as you did before." The knight grimaced in memory of the previous evening, provoking a sympathetic chuckle from the blonde. "Well then… unless you want to "prove the obvious" /again/… I suggest that you get to work… you've given it some thought I hope?" Sydney adjusted his collar to disguise his nervousness and moved to stand beside the Riskbreaker. The sword was gone for the moment, either stored or dissolved with a thought. Ashley fought the urge to grind his teeth in worry and shut his eyes once more. As unnecessary as he knew it to be, he braced himself and raised a hand, bidding the Dark to obey.
// I /can/ do this… it'll be just like the sword, and the cup last night… only it'll be /a little/ bigger… Just go slowly, pay attention… there's no rush…even Sydney admitted that completing his world took time… was still "a work in progress" even. That confession cost him, he was almost /squirming/ when he said that…//
The shadows rippled and shimmered like cloudy water as the knight sought to master them.
"You /have/ to have a Homeland… /Everyone/ has one… even Mole… and he's crazy by even /our/ standards… no that his place is anything I want you to use as a template. So, it's ridiculous to say that you don't /want/ one…"
Ashley glared into his teacup, the beverage refused to offer him council in the face of the blonde's arguments.
"I don't /need/ one."
"You don't need…. What the Hell are you going to do? Wander around in the Grey all the time? You're /not/ staying here! …No absolutely not… I'd never get any work done with you always underfoot. Don't be so… so /bloody stubborn/, you need a Homeland, if only so you don't get lost in the mists one evening and Müllencamp makes /me/ come after you. It'll be your /Sanctuary/… a starting point. It cements your ties between this place and the Waking, a place entirely your own, nobody will bother you if you don't want them to…except Her… she goes where she pleases." Sydney continued on this new tactic, seeing that he was finally getting through to the knight. "It doesn't have to be as big as mine… or complicated at all… best of all you can change it as much and as often as you like… space is rather boundless here."
Ashley looked up, curious. "But I have little creativity for such things… how did you decide? What made you choose /this/?" He gestured around the kitchen. Seeing Sydney's surprise at the question he pushed forward. "You have an ocean you don't swim in, a tower of less than ten rooms judging by the size, and a great looming black forest with /one/ path… if you could make /anything/ why not build a paradise? Why not make whole castles? Or…" The mage cut him off with a wave of a hand, smiling in amusement.
"And what would I do, living in a castle all by myself?… no Riskbreaker, I like my tower very well… even if it does have only four rooms… 'tis cozy… As for paradise, how do you know that this /isn't/?" He laughed again. "Trust me, everything here is the way I wish it to be. No more, no less. When I was Bearer…it was here that I came to every night, my joy in the best times, my solace in the worst… So will it be for you."
"This place then… it is based on someplace real?" The knight followed his instinct, puzzling out the hidden reasoning behind the complex man's words. "A memory? Someplace you've always associated with sanctuary?" His gift for sensing emotion was seldom entirely accurate but this time he knew he had found the truth. Sydney's smile had turned rueful as he stared into his empty cup, the combative mood suddenly and completely dispelled.
"Touché." With a quiet sigh the mage pushed himself away from the table and moved to look out a window at the sea. His voice was quiet when he finally replied, almost mournful. "Memory? Yes, this is a memory… or more correctly this is the interpretation on a memory of a place. The original is long gone." Ashley waited but the blonde showed no sign of willingness to continue. Shaking off the mood Sydney returned to the table and refilled his teacup by means of a simple /look/, the dark steaming liquid suddenly in place. "So, tomorrow I'll observe as you make your new home. You've got it, right? Here refill your cup…" The knight growled a complain and topped off his cup for the fifth time with a glare, changing the china pattern at the same time, just for spite. "Stop that! You have no taste when it comes to china, Riskbreaker… besides that cup is part of a set!"
Ashley grimaced and corrected the cup before returning to business. "If I /must/ make this place… why wait? Why not do it now?" He couldn't help but remain a little grumpy. Sydney's moods were impossible to predict the strangest things upset him or pleased him. It seemed fairly certain however that the mage's past was a topic that remained strictly off limits in polite conversation.
// Now he's going to be distant for the rest of the evening… Great Ashley you just /have/ to take every opportunity to antagonize the man… He /is/ your only friend in this mad place… not to mention the only thing currently standing between you and an eternity of Müllencamp throwing temper tantrums… //
The knight ruefully met Sydney's eye, only to notice that there was cheerful twinkle in them again. The mage's expressive mouth tightly closed to prevent a smile.
// If I live to be a /thousand/… I'll /still/ never understand him. //
"Ah, how motivated you've suddenly become! But no, we shall not do this thing /tonight/. Building things when in a grumpy mood makes for "grumpy" things…besides…." Sydney reached across the table and poked the knight, /hard/. Or at least he would have, if Ashley had possessed any substance. Instead of hitting muscle, the prodding finger passed right /through/ the skin of Ashley's upper arm, and the knight flinched back in amazement, dropping his cup.
"What the Hell?!" Ashley looked at his arm in alarm but it felt whole and unharmed. Sydney tossed a droll smile and silently pointed out that the older man's remaining arm was in the process of passing through the top of the table. The knight stood up becoming more alarmed.
"/Relax/ Riskbreaker!" Sydney paused a moment, playing with the natural rhyme as the knight scowled in frustration. "Really, 'tis alright…. Nothing that hasn't happened before… did you never notice it 'ere now?" The man obviously hadn't and Sydney scowled in disbelief. "Six months of being here and he knows nothing… You're starting to wake-up, that's all… you're body's calling you back little by little…."
"Calling me back….? But it's never been like this before. Usually I'm just here… or I'm there. Look at me! I'm a ghost! What do I do?"
"Do?," The blonde made his way over to the slightly panicked knight. The man had backed himself into a corner and in his current state was in considerable danger of falling backwards through the wall.
//Well, if he does… at least we're on the ground floor. //
"For Heaven's sake, Calm down, the situation is /simple/." He gave a reassuring smile. "All you have to do is wake-up, that's all… just let go. The reason you never noticed this before was because you were wandering around /out there/… /nothing/ has any substance in the mists so you'd not notice if you were solid or not… here is different because it's /mine/." Ashley calmed, carefully considering the idea.
"…But…"
"Hush… just relax… Oh, and one more thing… " The mage was suddenly /very/ close, looking squarely into his eyes.
"/Wake Up! /"
And he did.
Sydney stood quietly, not wanting to fidget. Ashley had begun drawing in energy several minutes ago and showed no signs of stopping. He was obviously concentrating, but so far nothing had begun evolving out of the shadow-stuff. The area around them remained shrouded in mist, featureless and flat.
// What are you up to, old man? //
The Riskbreaker made a small grunt of effort.
Gradually at first, so much so as to be barely noticed, changes began to occur. They increased in momentum, cascading upon one another and the mage found it hard to keep up with the ordered chaos that was Ashley's world being formed. The first thing that struck him was the /brightness/. It caused him to blink frantically as his mind responded instinctively to the sensation of blinding light. Old reflexes ingrained from years of stumbling out of caves and catacombs into bright sunlight remained unchanged, despite the logical part of his mind's loud reminders that it was unnecessary. When he cleared his eyes, he stared in amazement. Above him was a sunlight sky, the rich blue occasionally hidden by puffy white clouds. Some twenty feet away the bare ground was rippling and transforming, a colorful wave of reality sweeping out in a circle and racing towards the horizon. At the world's center stood an aching familiar setting, one that he had been to before on several occasions when he had touched the knight's memories, but this was only the second time he had /seen/ it. The plain was full of gentle rolling hills, the tall grasses moved in the wind, their sweet smell permeating everything. At the center stood the giant oak tree, as shady and lofty as ever, and in the distance Sydney could make out the beginnings of what would become a stream, more young trees clustering about the source of moisture. The only things missing from the well-remembered place was the picnic basket, and the bodies. Sydney shivered at the morbid thought, surprised that the knight would choose /this/ place to spend forever in.
//He must be more of a masochist than I gave him credit for… or more obsessed with their deaths than even I could have believed. //
Still, the sky was incredible, making him feel a little dizzy as he stared up at it, and the distant sound of birdsong and locusts was peaceful. The golden sunlight warmed him as it had once done as a child and he smiled. It was a beautiful day.
Ashley's world continued to develop, the small changes adding layers of clarity and definition but at length his strength waned and the work was complete. The knight was unsurprised at the sight that greeted him as he opened his eyes but checked the near by flora carefully. He was not so much checking its stability, he was confident the place was sound, rather he was confirming that it matched his intention. Everything was as he remembered it, and he was pleased at the level of accuracy that he had achieved in such a short time. Satisfied, he moved forward, absently catching the gaping mage's elbow and steering him toward the old oak. The shade was refreshingly cool after climbing the hill and Sydney allowed himself to be coaxed into sitting on a convenient root. The knight collapsed bonelessly against the trunk and flashed him a tired grin.
"What do you think?" Ashley brushed a tuft of grass playfully before pulling a piece free to make a grass-whistle. His clothing shifted from its customary leather and armor to the softer workman's shirt and loose pants that were associated with his more peaceful life. He blew into his hands and the blade of grass produced a silly sound.
The mage stared at him blankly. "Frankly? I'm not sure…. I don't know whether I should praise you, or question your sanity." Ashley raised an eloquent eyebrow in response. "For love of God, Ashley! Your family was /murdered/ here… or rather /somebody's/ family was slaughtered here… either way its very possibly the worst trauma of your entire life… and /this/ is your Paradise?!"
"Tia /was/ my wife. This /was/ my life." The knight's calm assertion allowed no contradiction and Sydney felt a little worried.
"And the other vision of your past? How do you explain that?" The mage knew he was prying, but couldn't help it. The knight's strangely jumbled memories had always been a source of contention between them.
"I can't explain them. But I think that they may also be real." The older man shredded the blade of grass, staining his fingers green.
"But…"
"Yes, there is no firm foundation. The holes in my mind are as real as ever… But I will /believe/ in my wife, Sydney. If I don't… then I won't know who I am…"
"And if it turns out that she never existed?" The mage watched his friend closely surprised that the conversation had lasted so long.
"Than I'll just have to learn to deal with it."
"You're a masochist."
Ashley sighed, "Perhaps, but I have happy memories of this place too. The only memories I have of my childhood were here, it was here that I courted Tia, so many things… before /that day/… none are very complete, but they /are/ there… images, words, feelings… they're a part of me." A small smile played across his lips as he stared off into the distance. "Almost every memory I have of my life before becoming a soldier…" He gestured at his simple clothing and idly tucked one of his braids behind an ear, undone and brushed back, the hair would undoubtedly resume it's usual fly-away look. "Every happy memory… some how ties to this place… " His expression held both challenge and questions as he met Sydney's eye.
"I don't know what to say, Ashley. Your memories always did baffle me, and I used to think that mind magic and memory charms were something of a specialty… But it does seem rather odd that this /place/ is the key…" Sydney fell silent, feeling that this wasn't the time for launching into a full fledged lecture about the branching nature of memories. For once the knight was being talkative about this prickly subject, and in a non-confrontational way. The blonde was determined to see how long it would last. He wracked his brain for a safe way of posing another question, hoping the soldier would continue to be willing. " I wonder… what of the other set of memories, the ones with Rosencrantz… do they also have a /geographic/ connection? Somewhere else?"
The knight nodded slowly, obviously thinking and for a moment the mage feared the conversation over. "Have you ever heard of the city of Alton, Sydney?"
// Now that's interesting, in one branching of his past he lives in some unnamed bucolic wonderland. In the other he's residing in one of the most ill-reputed and violent trade cities in the kingdom's eastern frontier… and the only time that the two memories have a parallel is in this place… in a moment of senseless murder… a family dead. Curious… and too convenient…How frustrating… and they're not even /my/ memories…//
"And those memories are also complete? In their way?" The mage kept his tone light, non-provoking.
"Yes, in their way…" Ashley frowned, noticing something for the first time. "Wait, I'm an idiot." Sydney restrained his response to the outburst and looked on curiously. "I'm missing a definite accounting of my life from childhood to 5 years ago, correct? That's roughly 25 years if we assume that I'm correct in thinking I'm roughly 30 now… Discounting some 14 years of childhood which I really don't care about that leaves 16 years of me /doing/ things that I can't remember… Is it just me or is that an unseemly /long/ time for the limited memories that I've recovered…" The mage found the logic sound and turned the puzzle over in his mind.
"I hadn't considered that… I always just assumed the timelines worked out… how long would you say soldier training of the likes you would've received would take? Assuming for the moment that you /were/ an assassin?"
The knight scratched his chin. " Even as a raw recruit? Less than 5 years really… then toss in another 5 for running missions and perfecting the special attacks to give me a solid career at it… 16 years is a fulsome lifetime for the likes of cutthroats… even the good ones."
Sydney nodded his head in agreement, "And if you /were/ a simple town guardsman, or even a farmer… you'd have likely married young, yes? 18 at the absolute latest… that's 4 years… and your son would've been born soon after." He shot the older man an arch grin. "Let's say he was born within 2 years, at the extreme… and he died when he was what, 5 or 6 years old? That makes it only 12 years at the longest, more likely closer to 8… still a short time… strange. Pity that you cannot remember any dates or missions before you entered Riskbreaker training… although I'm sure that was deliberately done."
Ashley was frowning again, desperately dredging his mind for anything, any clue to explain the disparity in time, but there was nothing but emptiness. Eventually the pain was such that he became acutely dizzy and he let go, resting his head on his knees. "This … this can't be simple denial… why can't I remember!" He felt a hand rub his shoulder in a soothing motion and turned his head to watch Sydney settle next to him.
"I fear that it is as I thought, as I told you in Léa Monde … Riskbreaker, someone has deliberately meddled with your thoughts, and it is likely that it was done more than once… Each successive attempt to adjust your memories piling up on top of the last like snowfall on a glacier… "
// And like those layers of snow, over time the spells compressed together and ossified… likely obliterating what was once meant merely to be blocked… but you don't need to learn that bitter possibility… not yet… something may yet be salvaged of this mess. //
Sydney was glad the knight was too mired in his thoughts to notice his momentary lapse. "It's impossible to say whether the initial "forgetting" was meant for their benefit or for yours…You could have gone your whole life never realizing what they had done, if not for me… if not for Léa Monde; and for that I'm sorry."
The man stirred himself and caught Sydney's eye. "Better to be a human, and suffer this pain, than to be /their/ mindless toy." He stretched out and allowed another small smile. "I don't blame you for that, you could hardly have known my mind would unravel so splendidly when you went to examine the weave."
Sydney laughed at the metaphor, "It is the nature of the Dark to /unravel/ things, to tear down walls and overrun creek-beds…being as saturated in it as you were from the moment you entered the city it is unsurprising that the wards they placed started crumbling. It may be possible, now that you are the Rood Bearer, to unlock other memories… it would require a fair amount of control and a delicate hand… but it might be possible… I would gladly help if you like…" Realizing what he was saying Sydney immediately stopped, mentally smacking himself.
// Oh you fool, after all you've done to toy with his mind in that bloody city… you go and suggest to him that he trust you to muck around in it some more… Trust from a man who dislikes even /talking/ mind-to-mind for fear that you might /do/ something… Not that he doesn't have every reason given our history… but I couldn't have killed this conversation better if I had suddenly kicked him…//
"Hmmm." The knight seemed to have not registered Sydney's overly forward suggestion; he was looking at the sky as it peaked through the leaves.
"Ashley?" The mages watched his companion carefully. There was no doubt the man was a strong as a titan when in battle; but that simply made the frailties in his mind all the more frightening.
// I cannot fathom why the VKP chose to simply suppress everything… given time to heal would he not have recovered? Maybe even to grow stronger? And why the need for multiple castings? Was the first blockage so weak? So imperfect? Or did it break? For whatever reason it was there and insufficient… but to put /another/ over top of it… that's simply criminal. Even amateurs know how risky that is… you have to remove the old walls /first/ then lay entirely new ones… if you don't the damage is irreparable! But they didn't care did they. They just wanted their soldier-boy ready to serve in the next mission… and in their haste they blocked /everything/, his previous lifetime, his training, his emotions…. They had to start from scratch, to retrain his mind to do the things his body remembered… and now that the walls, or what is left of them, are coming down… Ashley's left with a history like a broken mosaic… handfuls of moments and flashes but without any theme or pattern. And I think at some level he knows this already…even if he doesn't acknowledge it. How does he do it? Why isn't he insane? Living every day not knowing who I am… I couldn't do it… I would want to /kill/ whoever was responsible. //
Sydney's thoughts trailed off into malicious chaos, while the older man finished his meditations and looked over at him.
// If looks could kill… I'd be on /fire/ right now… but somehow I don't think he's looking /at/ me… more /through/ me, or perhaps more inward? Still he looks like he's liable to snap soon… best to distract him, before he rips out anymore of my new grass… //
"Hey, go easy on the flowers, whelp." The blonde stared at him a moment longer, the expression in his eyes fading from ire to something vaguely guilty. His claws, having replaced his customary jacketed arms, ceased their mindless shredding of the near by turf.
"Oh!… umm… oh dear." Sydney glared at the metallic limbs and then at the rest of himself, noting his entire form had shifted to his more familiar black leather. His shape wavered a moment before reverting back to the plain silks and suede he was wearing earlier. "Sorry…" The mage tucked his hands under him, clearly mortified.
// So I'm not the only one who sometimes 'slips', that's the first time I've seen him do that unintentionally… //
"Happens often? Or only when you have murder on the mind…"
The younger man had the grace to grin sheepishly. "Was it so obvious? Remind me to not play cards with you, you've learned to read me to well."
"You were hardly taking pains to conceal it, not to one who knows you as I do…"
Sydney's expression lost all mirth for a moment. "No, no you don't… not really… but mayhap you're learning…'tis no matter. Do you feel better? You were rather far away there for a moment."
"And you weren't? I'm fine whelp." The knight gently teased his companion, and felt the brief tenseness fade. "I'm just a little tired. Odd really, usually I'm never tired here…" He rubbed his face, eyes feeling gritty and heavy.
"You've never exerted yourself here before either." The mage's tone was pragmatic as he moved back to his earlier perch putting some distance between them before he did something impulsive. "Using the Dark requires effort, Riskbreaker, like flexing a muscle… a muscle that you have neglected to train as you have your others… you need to practice more…." Sydney grinned at the knight's disgruntled snort. "But if you're tired, you should sleep. Simply /being/ here will restore you, 'tis sure, but sleep will do it faster."
"What, sleep /here/? Isn't my body already asleep?"
"Yes, but your mind is not… and it is /that/ which is tired… besides, what do you think /I/ was doing for those long six months? Fishing?"
"I have no intention of sleeping for six months…" Ashley shot the blonde an alarmed look but the mage merely shrugged and stood up.
"Your body will wake you up when it's time, willing or no… As the Rood Inverse binds body to soul, so too does it bind soul to body, hence the regeneration, the agelessness, the strength, and in this case the never oversleeping… But I explained all this before… and you're tired. I will take my leave of you… sleep well Ashley." Sydney picked his way down the hill and back into the sun. The noonday light caught in his hair and it shined with an almost angelic intensity as he moved across the field.
// Sometimes it's almost impossible to believe that he was once and still generally /is/ one of the finest rogue mages and necromancers in the world. What an incongruity, a kind-hearted villain… a man who delights in prying into the affairs of others while always managing to keep himself cloaked in mystery… a devil with the tongue of a poet and the face of an innocent… //
"Sydney." The blonde stopped and turned, his face expressionless. "Thank you." The knight felt strangely calm, detached, for some reason it didn't bother him to express his gratitude.
The mage gave him a small, hesitant smile and a fraction of a bow before walking away. Ashley watched him move into the distance until his eyes drifted shut, slipping into sweet oblivion.
This is not where I intended to end the first chapter but /shrug/ I'm out of time so there : I have the next scene half done and will likely make this chapter /a little/ longer before starting the next... but not by much. So… There is no laptop over break, which means a lot of long hand writing... but I've stocked up on pens and pencils and have 2 notebooks so I should be ok. Wish me luck. For all of you who would be content to see Sydney go through life without ever wearing a shirt... shame on you :) The man's a sensualist to be sure but there are 1 or 2 practical bones in his body... bah I'm tired and likely rambling. Jaa I'll see you all again, I'm sure. L. 12-20-2000
Well gosh, it looks like I finally finished a chapter…. Sorry for everyone who was waiting… next chapter will likely get posted tomorrow depending how fast I type and whether I go watch Cowboy Beebop. OK, notes about the chapter… so we finally begin to learn the deal with Ashley… he's got a cart and a half of luggage it seems… but then so does our bishonen blonde… Sydney just deals with it better… Ashley actually /does/ have surprisingly good taste when it comes to house wares so ignore Sydney he was just being prissy : ) I have this chapter being another few pages in my notebook but I decided that I'd push them in ch 2 as this thing is already 30 pages according to Word. Good Night Everybody smooch Lunar. 1-5-2001