Author: valsolo
"Stupid, stupid temper!" Anakin shouted at himself as he watched Amidala flee from his presence. He couldn't get Padme's fear-stricken face out of his mind. "How could I do that? How could I hurt her like that?!"
Feeling full of anger at himself, he knew he needed to work it out of his system. Obi-Wan would suggest quiet meditation, but Anakin needed action. So he found another secluded spot in the gardens and decided on some telekinesis practice. Finding a comfortable spot to sit, he closed his eyes and cleared his mind as best he could.
Several yards away, a fist-sized rock was starting to wiggle loose from its half-buried nest of soil. Suddenly, it shot up from the ground along with several others, hovered in midair for just a moment, and then they all flew straight to Anakin stopping right in front of his face before settling delicately on his lap. He opened his eyes and smiled. "I'm getting quite adept at this if I do say so myself," he said aloud to no one but himself. It was another skill that seemed to come easily
to him, and he knew that being able to move things with his mind would surely come in handy some day.
His feelings of anger at himself slowly diffused, but he still felt the shame of his verbal attack on the queen. Sleep would definitely not come easy tonight.
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There it was again--- the wave of black was headed right toward Anakin, and Padme was in the lead. He tried to yell out to her, to let her know it was him, but his voice was not his own. It sounded cold and mechanical.
Suddenly, she stopped right in front of him and slowly raised her blaster. He could feel himself reach for his lightsaber and ignite the blade, but he could not control his actions. As if in slow motion, Padme's finger pulled the trigger, while simultaneously the glow of his sword flashed in front of him and right into her.
"Nooooooo!!!" he shouted as he sat straight up in his bed, the sweat pouring from his body. Breathing heavily, it took a few moments for his heart to return to its regular pace. Jumping up, he cursed aloud. "This is ridiculous!" he swore. "I've got to apologize to her. I can't take these nightmares anymore," he declared, storming into the bathroom. After splashing cold water on his face, he took a few more deep breaths and stared at himself in the mirror.
"Tomorrow," he told himself nodding his head. "You WILL talk to her tomorrow. You can do it-- you're the 'chosen one' for sith sake. Start acting like it!"
The chosen one... He still wasn't quite sure what that meant. Was he supposed to have some sort of supernatural destiny awaiting him? All he really cared about was having a somewhat normal life with Padme by his side for the rest of his days.
"Is that too much to ask?" he questioned as he climbed back into bed, pulling the covers up to his neck. "...tomorrow...," he mumbled over and over as he gradually drifted off to sleep.
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Muffled sobs roused Sabe from her sleep. At first she thought she was dreaming, but after rubbing her eyes, she realized the cries were coming from the queen's chamber. Tiptoeing quietly to the door, she knocked softly.
"Your highness? Are you okay?" The sounds stopped abruptly once the queen knew she had been heard. Sabe poked her head into Amidala's room and noticed her puffy eyes, red from crying. The pitiful look on the queen's face compelled Sabe to go to her friend and place a comforting arm around her.
"Oh, Sabe!" Amidala exclaimed as she buried her head in her handmaiden's shoulder and began crying again.
"There, there now. What's wrong? Is there anything I can do?" She wasn't sure, but she figured that Anakin Skywalker probably had something to do with the queen's current state of distress. Ever since the young Jedi had arrived at the palace, Sabe had taken note of the change in Amidala. The glances she thought no one else noticed and the increased occurrence of daydreaming told the story the queen was too afraid to tell herself...... Queen Amidala---dignified, respected ruler of Naboo---was losing her heart to one Anakin Skywalker---newly renowned Jedi of humble origins. It sounded like a child's bedtime story.
"I don't know.... I just thought he..... I mean it seemed like we..... Oh, Sabe--he kissed me!" Amidala burst into another sob. The handmaiden tried to hide her amusement, but just had to ask.
"Well, was it a 'bad' kiss?"
A weak chuckle escaped Amidala's cries. "No! Not at all!" she said lifting her head to face Sabe. "It was wonderful!! ....so......so......passionate and real. I was lost in his arms--" Amidala got a dreamy look in her eyes and a small smile curved on her lips as she lightly brushed her finger across them.
"I'm sorry, your highness, but if it was so wonderful, then why are you crying?"
The absurdity of her actions in light of her feelings finally dawned on Amidala, as she let forth another stunted laugh. "I guess I don't make much sense, do I?" the queen asked. "But Sabe...I think I'm really starting to fall for him."
"Well, he is quite an attractive man, Padme." The use of Amidala's private name let her know that Sabe was talking as a friend now. "...and he seems to really care about you, so what are you afraid of?"
Amidala silently reflected for a moment before continuing. "What would the council say? They and the rest of the galaxy already think I'm a fool for not accepting Prince Dago's proposal three years ago." Sabe saw right through Amidala's weak rationalizations.
"But you didn't love Prince Dago."
"What did you say?!" Amidala reared back in shock.
"I said---"
"No... I heard what you said, Sabe, and that's exactly what I'm afraid of."
Love? Is that what was happening to her? Sure, she had cared about Ani since they had first met on Tatooine. Right away she had felt a connection with him that had apparently remained over time, but.... now things were different. Before she had felt like a big sister--protective of him. *I certainly don't want to be his sister anymore,* she admitted to herself.
Amidala's thoughts then drifted back to the garden and the kiss. She could almost feel his lips still pressed against hers....almost hear his voice telling her that he loved her.......
But then, she remembered the angry words and cold look on his face. It had been such a quick change, and he hadn't even given her a chance to explain--a chance to tell him how she felt. In Anakin she sensed an unrivaled deepness and passion that she longed to surrender to, yet there was also something hidden behind his eyes that left her feeling a bit uneasy. *Maybe it's just me,* she suggested mentally. *Maybe it's just my own fear of the unknown.*
Regaining her composure, she thanked Sabe for her concern and assured her that she would be fine. After her handmaiden left the room, Amidala had a sudden moment of bright clarity, and she determined what she would do about Anakin Skywalker, his unpredictability and all.
*What will everyone think if I fall in love with a brash young Jedi?* she asked herself already knowing the answer. The image of his face as he flashed her a winning smile crossed her mind, and a silly grin came to her own.
"Well," she said aloud," every female in the galaxy will be envious of me, for sure!" Even though Amidala wasn't sure where a relationship with Anakin would end up, she was now certain that she wanted to be along for the ride.