"Oh, Kathryn!"
"Oh, Chakotay!"
*SMOOCH*
BAM! BAM! BAM! I pounded on the keyboard as if the action would somehow bring life to my cliche-ridden fanfic. Frustrated at my inability to write romance, I decided on a sudden plot twist.
Tom Paris strode uninvited into the Captain's quarters and raised his phaser at the Commander. "You can't have her. She's mine! BWAHAHAHAHA!"
"Waitasecond," said Chakotay. "Aren't you happily married?"
Tom shrugged. "According to the producers. But what do they know?" Under his breath, he commented, "I am going to kill the idiot fanfic author who's making me do this . . ." With that, he shot Chakotay.
Janeway burst into tears, making a mental note to join Tom in his anti-fanfic crusade.
Still typing, I realized that I had created a serious plot hole in that if I were really controlling the characters, they shouldn't be able to speak aside. I shrugged and continued, reminding myself that this was supposed to be a romance fic.
For some reason, Kathryn
felt liberated by Chakotay's death. "It never would have lasted,"
she shrugged, and threw herself into Tom's arms. They kissed.
After Tom killed B'Elanna, he and Kathryn lived happily ever after.
Until the fanfic was over, that is. Then both of them brushed their
teeth about fifty times while the EMH resuscitated Chakotay and B'Elanna.
THE END
(aren't you glad?)