tangled webs - part 4
Hello. This is the fourth in a 5 part series, and part five all depends on your comments! Thankyou.p
Two weeks later, Harry was still in the hospital wing, slowly recovering. Ron hadn't yet worked up the gut to go and see him yet; to tell him how he felt. Meanwhile, his relationship with Draco was going from strength to strength. Every time they met they couldn't keep their hands off each other, and most nights ended up doing things they really weren't meant to. Hermione had not spoken one civilised word to Ron in the past weeks, she had passed all the blame off onto him. It hurt, the way she scowled every time he walked into her presence, and turned and whispered to someone else if he tried to talk to her. Fred and George were trying to support him, but weren't doing a very good job. Draco was the only one he could get any real sympathy from. But deep in Draco's heart, he wanted to tell Ron to forget about Harry and to just continue their relationship, and then they would live happily ever after. It wasn't going to happen.
One day, Ron was walking along the corridor he had first met Draco in. It was sunny outside, and a light breeze swept along with him. With his hands stuffed in his pockets, he knew he must have looked really miserable and down-and-out, but he couldn't care less. As long as people left him alone, he left them alone. It was simple. When he came out on the second floor, he narrowly missed colliding with Lee Jordan, who was looking equally disgruntled.
"Sorry.." Ron mumbled.
"S'all right. What's wrong with you?" Lee asked, seeing his worried face.
"What isn't?" Ron replied, yawning.
"Yeah… My life's kinda like that at the moment too…" Lee sighed, leaning against the wall.
"Wanna swap stories?" Ron joked.
Lee nodded and Ron beckoned for him to follow him he led him out onto the grounds into the sunshine. They sat down under a tree near the lake and looked at each other. Ron brushed his hair out of his eyes and coughed slightly.
"So… what's up with you?" he asked.
"Well… just friends not being friends and lovers not being lovers. Fred and George are… Never mind…"
"No, tell me." Ron said, crossing his legs.
"Well… can you keep a secret?" Lee said, taking a swifty look around and accepting Ron's nod, "It's really disturbing… and after the way you acted with Harry… I guess you don't like homosexuals, right?"
"I have no problem with homosexuals! Is that what everyone thinks?" Ron cried, feeling the heat rise in his face.
"What? I didn't mean to offend you! I just thought… what…are you saying that you're…?"
Lee said, looking at Ron with wide eyes.
"Yes… I am…." He muttered, not looking at Lee.
There was silence for a bit, then Lee continued, "Maybe this won't be as weird to you then… Fred, George and I are… were… going out…. But now, they've found someone else to go out with and I'm on my own again. Its just a big mess…"
"What, so they cheated on you?" Ron asked, rubbing his eyes.
"Well, I have no proof… but I think they were. They as good as told me… Said they had someone else to see and they were much more satisfactory than I was… I've got a pretty good idea of who with, too… you're not going to like it, though." Lee said, staring at the ground.
"Go on, It can't hurt me anymore than I already am…" Ron said…
"Well… I think it was…. This is really going to come as a surprise and it's going to hurt… but I think they were going with… Harry."
Ron's mouth fell open in shock. How could he have done this to him? It was too much to bear, but he couldn't just cry in front of Lee.. He was going to kill Fred and George when he next ran into them.. they were pretending to be his friend all this time. Swallowing the large lump that had arisen in his throat, he looked back up at Lee and tried to smile. He couldn't, and found himself breathing harshly and fighting back the tears.
"Hey –come on, we can get through this." Lee said, gripping his shoulder tightly.
Ron buried his anger and said, "Yeah, I guess. Well, I suppose its my turn now. I am gay, as I told you. But I'm meant to be in love with Harry…and I'm finding that I'm not… It's somebody else…."Lee looked imploringly at him, and he continued," Draco Malfoy."
Lee's mouth fell open, but he didn't look truly bothered. He just shrugged and looked out over the lake. None of what Ron had just told him had mattered at all, it made no difference to him whatsoever. He had his own tangled love life to take care of first. Sighing, he gripped Ron's shoulder tightly again and got up and left.
"Don't tell anyone!" Ron roared after him.
There was no sound made by Lee, but Ron knew that his secret was safe. Sighing, he flopped back on the glass and stared at the blue sky above. His life was such a mess, and it was all his fault. He couldn't go to his mother, she'd flip at him. Charlie would be alright, but he was in Romania and not really any help to Ron. Bill, maybe? At least he was in the country… He had been transferred the previous year, and was now working in London at Gringotts. Would he come if asked? Where would Ron meet him? The village pub? There was a Hogsmeade weekend next week… maybe it would be possible. Getting up, he wandered back up to the castle. If he went to see Harry now, would Hermione be there? There was only one way to find out. He walked back up the corridor and up a few flights of stairs, and then found himself outside the hospital wing. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door, and went in.
Nobody was there, except Harry. He was lying in the bed nearest the window, gazing out of it with a longing in his eyes. He only noticed that Ron was there when he shut the door.
"What do you want?" He asked miserably, turning away from him.
"To talk." Was Ron's only reply, and he walked to the bed and sat down on it.
Harry's green eyes met with his blue ones and saw that he was upset. Ron swallowed the lump that was in his throat and said, "I've wanted to come and see you earlier but Hermione wouldn't let me in. She blames me for this… I don't disagree with her. This is my fault. You shouldn't be here like this."
"Shut up." Harry said quietly, glaring at him.
How dare he just assume that Harry had done this because of him? He knew he had, but that wasn't the point. He had and anger inside of him that made him want to hit Ron like he had hit him; right across the face. Ron noticed his fists clenching into tight balls, but didn't move away, feeling he deserved everything he got. But as he sat there, looking hopelessly at Harry, he felt his anger ebb away in spite of himself. That gorgeous face that had haunted his days of darkness; been the cause of that darkness, was sitting in front of him, willing to talk about their problems. Harry longed to know how he felt, and if he felt anything for him at all. Ron kept making funny sounds that made Harry think that he was going to cry, but he contained himself.
"What did you want to talk about?" Harry said, trying to sound upbeat and cheerful and failing.
"Us."
"There was never an 'us', Ron. You made sure of that." Harry said coldly.
"I can't do this if you're going to be like that." Ron said, getting up.
Harry just stared and said nothing. Ron sat back down and looked at him.
"I'm hurting as much as you are, Harry. I know you don't believe that, but you have no idea what these past weeks have been like for me… Then you were found in the lake and I just collapsed, metaphorically speaking. My life wasn't worth living either. Tell me, why did you really do it?"
"Because you rejected me!" Harry cried, throwing back his blankets.
"I didn't mean to! I didn't know my own true feelings then! I wish I had never slapped you and I wish I had never run off!" Ron said, raising his voice.
Harry fell silent. Did Ron mean what he thought he meant? Could he feel for him in the way that Harry wanted him to so very, very badly? Could Harry forgive him for what he'd done? But, Ron hadn't really done anything wrong, just insensitive… finally, he said, "What do you mean by that?"
"You know full well what I mean, Harry, don't act thick. You know me well enough by now to know that I'm not confident and when I get scared I run. No matter who or what it's from." Ron hissed, his face reddening.
"Well maybe you should sort yourself out before you hurt someone else!" Harry shouted at him, jumping out of bed.
Ron closed his eyes.
"Maybe you should stop being such a stubborn, righteous little bastard and be a bit nicer."
Harry yelled again, not being able to control his anger any more.
He had had it with the niceties, and was just going to lay into Ron with all he had inside of him. Maybe yelling a bit would help him vent his anger…
Ron still hadn't said anything, he just sat on the bed and shook. He knew that he deserved this, but it didn't stop the pain from coursing through his veins like a slow-acting venom; hurting that little bit more every time he thought about it.
"I don't even know why you came. Was it to upset me even more? Was it to make you feel better knowing that you'd at least 'tried' to be friends again? You are such an idiot, it's unbelievable. I've never known such an evil person who was so intent on making me unhappy as you. And don't you dare mention Voldemort now, because he doesn't matter to me. I could have got through all the crap with him with you by my side. But now he haunts me in my drams just like you. You're such a… such a… such a little homophobe its unbelievable. I hate you!" Harry shouted, his voice echoing of the walls of the hospital ward.
He breathed harshly as he stood before Ron, his shoulders heaving with emotion.
Everything was fuzzy, he didn't know whether this was anger or the tears rising in his eyes. All he knew was that he didn't want to cry in front of Ron. Moving closer, he saw Ron back away, so he reached froward and grabbed him by the collar of his battered school robes.
He raised his fist. Could he do this? Yes, this was payback… For all the heartache and pain Ron had caused him. He knew that violence never solved anything, but at this moment, he just wanted to punch Ron for all he was worth.
And he did. Right across his nose, which instantly started to bleed. The moment he released Ron he was sorrier than he'd ever been in his life, but would have died before showing it. Ron gasped and trembled on the bed as Madam Pomfrey came rushing in, annoyed about all the noise. When she saw Ron, she looked at Harry and demanded an explanation.
"I'm…. oh God… I'm so…" he stammered, but couldn't get the words out.
"I'll sort you out later, young man." She said angrily, and with that turned to Ron to sort out his broken nose.
Ron wandered along the corridor that afternoon in a state of despair. Harry had punched him –surely this meant that he didn't love him any more. But the trouble was, Ron was even more in love with Harry now. Draco didn't matter to him any more, it was all Harry. He loved his messy black hair, his green eyes, his skinny form and everything that came with him. It was just so right that they should end up together, but then again so wrong. Ron sighed. He needed to see Harry again, when they could be alone. Maybe he'd send pig with a letter to ask if he could go and visit him , or if Harry could sneak out of the hospital wing for ten minutes. Deciding he'd do this, he walked up towards the owlery. Pulling a piece of parchment and a discarded quill and ink bottle, he wrote:
'Dear Harry,
I know this is a cowardly way to tell you how I feel, but I can't risk doing it to your face. I love you more than anything in the world, and I always have done. I don't know why I couldn't just tell you that earlier…. Oh well. Listen, can you sneak out of the hospital wing at midnight and meet me in the disused transfiguration classroom where the mirror of Erised was? Send an answer back with Pig. I hope you'll just come and listen because I have a lot to say and the bloody ink is running out. PLEASE COME,
All my love, Ron XXX'
He threw pig out of the window and watched him soar off towards that hospital wing. Would he come? Please let him come… thought Ron desperately. Sighing, he turned and proceeded to walk to the common room.
Hello. This is the fourth in a 5 part series, and part five all depends on your comments! Thankyou.p
Two weeks later, Harry was still in the hospital wing, slowly recovering. Ron hadn't yet worked up the gut to go and see him yet; to tell him how he felt. Meanwhile, his relationship with Draco was going from strength to strength. Every time they met they couldn't keep their hands off each other, and most nights ended up doing things they really weren't meant to. Hermione had not spoken one civilised word to Ron in the past weeks, she had passed all the blame off onto him. It hurt, the way she scowled every time he walked into her presence, and turned and whispered to someone else if he tried to talk to her. Fred and George were trying to support him, but weren't doing a very good job. Draco was the only one he could get any real sympathy from. But deep in Draco's heart, he wanted to tell Ron to forget about Harry and to just continue their relationship, and then they would live happily ever after. It wasn't going to happen.
One day, Ron was walking along the corridor he had first met Draco in. It was sunny outside, and a light breeze swept along with him. With his hands stuffed in his pockets, he knew he must have looked really miserable and down-and-out, but he couldn't care less. As long as people left him alone, he left them alone. It was simple. When he came out on the second floor, he narrowly missed colliding with Lee Jordan, who was looking equally disgruntled.
"Sorry.." Ron mumbled.
"S'all right. What's wrong with you?" Lee asked, seeing his worried face.
"What isn't?" Ron replied, yawning.
"Yeah… My life's kinda like that at the moment too…" Lee sighed, leaning against the wall.
"Wanna swap stories?" Ron joked.
Lee nodded and Ron beckoned for him to follow him he led him out onto the grounds into the sunshine. They sat down under a tree near the lake and looked at each other. Ron brushed his hair out of his eyes and coughed slightly.
"So… what's up with you?" he asked.
"Well… just friends not being friends and lovers not being lovers. Fred and George are… Never mind…"
"No, tell me." Ron said, crossing his legs.
"Well… can you keep a secret?" Lee said, taking a swifty look around and accepting Ron's nod, "It's really disturbing… and after the way you acted with Harry… I guess you don't like homosexuals, right?"
"I have no problem with homosexuals! Is that what everyone thinks?" Ron cried, feeling the heat rise in his face.
"What? I didn't mean to offend you! I just thought… what…are you saying that you're…?"
Lee said, looking at Ron with wide eyes.
"Yes… I am…." He muttered, not looking at Lee.
There was silence for a bit, then Lee continued, "Maybe this won't be as weird to you then… Fred, George and I are… were… going out…. But now, they've found someone else to go out with and I'm on my own again. Its just a big mess…"
"What, so they cheated on you?" Ron asked, rubbing his eyes.
"Well, I have no proof… but I think they were. They as good as told me… Said they had someone else to see and they were much more satisfactory than I was… I've got a pretty good idea of who with, too… you're not going to like it, though." Lee said, staring at the ground.
"Go on, It can't hurt me anymore than I already am…" Ron said…
"Well… I think it was…. This is really going to come as a surprise and it's going to hurt… but I think they were going with… Harry."
Ron's mouth fell open in shock. How could he have done this to him? It was too much to bear, but he couldn't just cry in front of Lee.. He was going to kill Fred and George when he next ran into them.. they were pretending to be his friend all this time. Swallowing the large lump that had arisen in his throat, he looked back up at Lee and tried to smile. He couldn't, and found himself breathing harshly and fighting back the tears.
"Hey –come on, we can get through this." Lee said, gripping his shoulder tightly.
Ron buried his anger and said, "Yeah, I guess. Well, I suppose its my turn now. I am gay, as I told you. But I'm meant to be in love with Harry…and I'm finding that I'm not… It's somebody else…."Lee looked imploringly at him, and he continued," Draco Malfoy."
Lee's mouth fell open, but he didn't look truly bothered. He just shrugged and looked out over the lake. None of what Ron had just told him had mattered at all, it made no difference to him whatsoever. He had his own tangled love life to take care of first. Sighing, he gripped Ron's shoulder tightly again and got up and left.
"Don't tell anyone!" Ron roared after him.
There was no sound made by Lee, but Ron knew that his secret was safe. Sighing, he flopped back on the glass and stared at the blue sky above. His life was such a mess, and it was all his fault. He couldn't go to his mother, she'd flip at him. Charlie would be alright, but he was in Romania and not really any help to Ron. Bill, maybe? At least he was in the country… He had been transferred the previous year, and was now working in London at Gringotts. Would he come if asked? Where would Ron meet him? The village pub? There was a Hogsmeade weekend next week… maybe it would be possible. Getting up, he wandered back up to the castle. If he went to see Harry now, would Hermione be there? There was only one way to find out. He walked back up the corridor and up a few flights of stairs, and then found himself outside the hospital wing. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door, and went in.
Nobody was there, except Harry. He was lying in the bed nearest the window, gazing out of it with a longing in his eyes. He only noticed that Ron was there when he shut the door.
"What do you want?" He asked miserably, turning away from him.
"To talk." Was Ron's only reply, and he walked to the bed and sat down on it.
Harry's green eyes met with his blue ones and saw that he was upset. Ron swallowed the lump that was in his throat and said, "I've wanted to come and see you earlier but Hermione wouldn't let me in. She blames me for this… I don't disagree with her. This is my fault. You shouldn't be here like this."
"Shut up." Harry said quietly, glaring at him.
How dare he just assume that Harry had done this because of him? He knew he had, but that wasn't the point. He had and anger inside of him that made him want to hit Ron like he had hit him; right across the face. Ron noticed his fists clenching into tight balls, but didn't move away, feeling he deserved everything he got. But as he sat there, looking hopelessly at Harry, he felt his anger ebb away in spite of himself. That gorgeous face that had haunted his days of darkness; been the cause of that darkness, was sitting in front of him, willing to talk about their problems. Harry longed to know how he felt, and if he felt anything for him at all. Ron kept making funny sounds that made Harry think that he was going to cry, but he contained himself.
"What did you want to talk about?" Harry said, trying to sound upbeat and cheerful and failing.
"Us."
"There was never an 'us', Ron. You made sure of that." Harry said coldly.
"I can't do this if you're going to be like that." Ron said, getting up.
Harry just stared and said nothing. Ron sat back down and looked at him.
"I'm hurting as much as you are, Harry. I know you don't believe that, but you have no idea what these past weeks have been like for me… Then you were found in the lake and I just collapsed, metaphorically speaking. My life wasn't worth living either. Tell me, why did you really do it?"
"Because you rejected me!" Harry cried, throwing back his blankets.
"I didn't mean to! I didn't know my own true feelings then! I wish I had never slapped you and I wish I had never run off!" Ron said, raising his voice.
Harry fell silent. Did Ron mean what he thought he meant? Could he feel for him in the way that Harry wanted him to so very, very badly? Could Harry forgive him for what he'd done? But, Ron hadn't really done anything wrong, just insensitive… finally, he said, "What do you mean by that?"
"You know full well what I mean, Harry, don't act thick. You know me well enough by now to know that I'm not confident and when I get scared I run. No matter who or what it's from." Ron hissed, his face reddening.
"Well maybe you should sort yourself out before you hurt someone else!" Harry shouted at him, jumping out of bed.
Ron closed his eyes.
"Maybe you should stop being such a stubborn, righteous little bastard and be a bit nicer."
Harry yelled again, not being able to control his anger any more.
He had had it with the niceties, and was just going to lay into Ron with all he had inside of him. Maybe yelling a bit would help him vent his anger…
Ron still hadn't said anything, he just sat on the bed and shook. He knew that he deserved this, but it didn't stop the pain from coursing through his veins like a slow-acting venom; hurting that little bit more every time he thought about it.
"I don't even know why you came. Was it to upset me even more? Was it to make you feel better knowing that you'd at least 'tried' to be friends again? You are such an idiot, it's unbelievable. I've never known such an evil person who was so intent on making me unhappy as you. And don't you dare mention Voldemort now, because he doesn't matter to me. I could have got through all the crap with him with you by my side. But now he haunts me in my drams just like you. You're such a… such a… such a little homophobe its unbelievable. I hate you!" Harry shouted, his voice echoing of the walls of the hospital ward.
He breathed harshly as he stood before Ron, his shoulders heaving with emotion.
Everything was fuzzy, he didn't know whether this was anger or the tears rising in his eyes. All he knew was that he didn't want to cry in front of Ron. Moving closer, he saw Ron back away, so he reached froward and grabbed him by the collar of his battered school robes.
He raised his fist. Could he do this? Yes, this was payback… For all the heartache and pain Ron had caused him. He knew that violence never solved anything, but at this moment, he just wanted to punch Ron for all he was worth.
And he did. Right across his nose, which instantly started to bleed. The moment he released Ron he was sorrier than he'd ever been in his life, but would have died before showing it. Ron gasped and trembled on the bed as Madam Pomfrey came rushing in, annoyed about all the noise. When she saw Ron, she looked at Harry and demanded an explanation.
"I'm…. oh God… I'm so…" he stammered, but couldn't get the words out.
"I'll sort you out later, young man." She said angrily, and with that turned to Ron to sort out his broken nose.
Ron wandered along the corridor that afternoon in a state of despair. Harry had punched him –surely this meant that he didn't love him any more. But the trouble was, Ron was even more in love with Harry now. Draco didn't matter to him any more, it was all Harry. He loved his messy black hair, his green eyes, his skinny form and everything that came with him. It was just so right that they should end up together, but then again so wrong. Ron sighed. He needed to see Harry again, when they could be alone. Maybe he'd send pig with a letter to ask if he could go and visit him , or if Harry could sneak out of the hospital wing for ten minutes. Deciding he'd do this, he walked up towards the owlery. Pulling a piece of parchment and a discarded quill and ink bottle, he wrote:
'Dear Harry,
I know this is a cowardly way to tell you how I feel, but I can't risk doing it to your face. I love you more than anything in the world, and I always have done. I don't know why I couldn't just tell you that earlier…. Oh well. Listen, can you sneak out of the hospital wing at midnight and meet me in the disused transfiguration classroom where the mirror of Erised was? Send an answer back with Pig. I hope you'll just come and listen because I have a lot to say and the bloody ink is running out. PLEASE COME,
All my love, Ron XXX'
He threw pig out of the window and watched him soar off towards that hospital wing. Would he come? Please let him come… thought Ron desperately. Sighing, he turned and proceeded to walk to the common room.