Secrets:: Episode Two: A New Hope

Secrets

Episode Two:: A New Hope

Written by Lonie

Summary:: Events preceding Daniel's decision to accept Catherine's offer to work for the SGC
Spoilers:: 'Stargate' the movie
Category:: Angst, Drama, some Humor, Hurt/Comfort
Warning:: Language, minor adult themes, implied child abuse

Just as expected, Daniel flew through college. It wasn't that hard, he didn't have any friends to distract him. The only people who were around him constantly were all the Professors who appreciated his intelligence and the few students whom he tutored. Then, after he was offered a job at the college to teach, he had a lot of understudy's. Which wasn't surprising to him, he 'was' the youngest student to graduate from that school, not to mention he graduated at the top of his class. He didn't mind though. He rather enjoyed being to himself. He could do his work without worrying about being disturbed. It also saved him from people getting to know him, which would eventually lead to questions. Questions that he didn't want to answer.

Occasionally, he'd get a call from Dr. Pacey. The only person from his childhood years that he kept in contact with. She'd want to know how he was doing, if he'd discovered some ancient ruin that would make him the richest man in the world, or if he'd found a girlfriend yet. Of course, he'd throw some strange explanation out there about him and his work. But she never bought it. She would always say that it was unhealthy for a young man to be so involved in his work and not have a woman around. Then he'd have to sit through a good thirty minutes of a lecture from her on tips to picking up women. Though, he really didn't need to here it. For Daniel had no problem picking up women. Almost everyday one of his students were hitting on him. True they were older than him, but still. He strongly encouraged a professional teacher and student relationship. A quality he learned from his father early on. The only problems he really had with women, was that he really didn't know how to handle the female 'professors' that came on to him. Like Dr. Asher.

Dr. Asher was the only woman that Daniel just couldn't function around. He'd met and taken to her his last year of Graduate school. Then, they ended up becoming co-workers. He suppose, that his lack of coherence around her, was because she was a splitting image of Mary Stuart. Only Dr. Asher had long brunette hair. He'd found, that she was as nice as Mary was and that they had a lot in common. If Mary was alive today, people would swear that they were twin sisters. They had formed a good professional relationship. All was going fine between them, until Dr. Asher took it upon herself to change things.

******************************

As usual, Daniel found his car being the only one parked in the faculty/staff first level parking lot. Juggling some books, loose leaf papers and his briefcase, he carefully made his way towards his car. Just as he reached the drivers side door, everything in his hands came crashing down as he was startled by some screeching tires. Stifling a curse, he bent down to pick them up and was momentarily blinded by some bright head lights. He looked up and brought a hand up to shield his eyes from the intensity of the glare. He stood up, forgetting the mess on the ground, as he saw the shape of someone getting out of the car. He pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose and squinted his eyes as some long, slender, shapely legs appeared in front of the headlights.

"Hello, Dr. Jackson," a soft female voice said. "Need some help there."

Daniel, recognizing the voice, began to feel his nerves flare up. "N...No...I got it Dr. Asher," he stuttered out.

He bent down and hurriedly piled his stuff together.

"You sure," she said walking over with a little amusement in her voice. "At least let me get the door for you."

Daniel swallowed nervously. She was standing right in his field of vision and her skirt was very short. He felt his heart beating in his throat as he felt a certain wave of heat. He stood up unsteadily and waited for her to unlock his door for him. Nodding his head in a thank you, he leaned in and tossed his stuff over to the passenger's side. Just as he was about to stand back up straight, he let out a yelp of surprise as Dr. Asher squeezed his buttocks. He stumbled back away from her and his car with a look of nervous surprise plastered on his face.

"My God Doctor," she said laughing some. "I thought you were going to jump through the window on the other side."

Daniel, trying to calm down some, nervously said, "Wh...What did you do that for?"

Dr. Asher laughed some more as she seductively snaked her way over to Daniel, "What?" She asked as Daniel matched her steps backwards. "There's no need to be nervous around me Dr. Jackson. I thought, that I would make the transition from friends to lovers a little easier for you."

Daniel titled his head to the side, "Excuse me?"

"Awww, come on Daniel. You and I have been friends a long time now. And it's only natural for you to begin to have feelings for an older woman. I mean, younger men fall for older women all the time," she stated.

Daniel shook his no, "I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about," he said backing into a pole.

"Sure you don't Daniel," she stated as she pinned him to the pole with her hands on his shoulders.

"Suzanne," he said with a little more authority. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

She smirked and in one quick swoop, kissed him passionately. After a few seconds, she found that the kiss was not being returned. Instead, she was getting protests and rejection. She quickly withdrew and studied his face, feeling embarrassment creep on her cheeks as she realized that he really didn't have a clue as to what she was talking about. "Oh shit," she said stepping away from him. She ran her fingers through her hair as she stared at him. "Please don't tell me that I read your signals wrong," she said with exasperation.

"Signals?" he asked confused.

"Yes," she confirmed. "The signals you've been sending me. The nervousness, the stuttering, the fast breathing, ya know, signals," she said waving her hands. "Signals to let someone know that your interested in them, signals."

"Oh."

"Yeah"

Daniel slowly stepped towards her and turned her to face him. "I'm sorry Suzanne if I lead you on," he said sincerely holding her hands. "It was completely unintentional."

"Oh thanks a lot, that makes me feel a lot better," she stated sarcastically.

"No...No...I didn't mean it like that. I mean, you are a very attractive woman and I'm sure every young male student on this campus has had there fantasies about you," he said trying to ease her embarrassment.

"Except you," she stated disappointedly.

Daniel let a small smile grace his face as he let her hands go. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"So what were they?" she asked

"What was what?"

"The signals, ya know. I may be getting old, but I haven't lost my ability to read certain signals Daniel," she stated shortly.

"Oh...no.....no. You remind me of someone. Someone that I once knew."

"Uh huh. Well, was she a girlfriend or something."

No...No...nothing like that," he paused nibbling on his lower lip. "She was my foster mother."

"Foster mother?"

"Yeah, she died a long time ago," he stated sadly. "You look a lot like her. Actually, you two could pass for twins if it weren't for you having long hair and a smoking habit."

"Oh God Daniel. I'm so sorry," she stated sincerely. "Man, I feel like such a fool. And here I am thinking you were too shy to let me know how you felt about me, when all along you were seeing her in me. God I'm sorry. Please forgive me?"

Daniel looked at her, a little thrown off by her plea for forgiveness. "There's nothing to forgive Suzanne. It was an honest mistake."

"Mistake, Daniel, I practically threw myself all over you."

Daniel chuckled slightly and shook his head in agreement.

"Look, let's just forget this ever happened O.K. You don't tell anyone and I'll be sure never to let anyone know how much of a fool I made of myself tonight," she asked hopefully.

"O.K."

With that, Daniel walked Suazanne back over to her car and watched her leave the parking lot. Then got into his car and sat staring at his steering wheel. He berated himself for not telling her the truth of why he was so nervous around her. Not only did she look like Mary, but she always made him think more about Ben. He'd have dreams about the terrible things that Ben did to him when he stayed with the Stuarts. Then, he'd think about why he never told them what Ben was doing. He also, would never tell her, that he used her presence to ease the pain of never going to visit Sean and Mary's graves. With Suzanne Asher around, it was like Mary there with him. Some how, some way, Mary was watching over him through Suzanne. And whatever Mary found out, she'd tell her husband Sean. Daniel took a deep breath and wiped a single tear away that fell unwillingly. He started the car and left.

******************************

As he worked to make a name for himself in the world of science, Daniel found himself frequently coming face to face with the military world. Mainly asking him if he'd head certain digs, be a linguist for political matters in dealing with foreign countries, or even help hold seminars for aspiring young cadets with majors in his fields. Very politely Daniel would decline their offers. Giving them some speech about the way the military and politicians worked. Something about never wanting to deal with their methods of gathering information and keeping if from the rest of the world. These little antics earned him a fairly well known reputation of not liking the military. A reputation that he himself felt the need to put extra effort into.

******************************

Daniel turned the small stone around in his hands. He blew off a little dust, causing him to have a sneezing fit due to the African wind blowing it back in his face. After regaining his composer some, he looked up as he noted Jean Luc coming towards him waving for his attention. He stood up and dusted off his clothes as he walked up to meet him.

"Dr. Jackson," Jean Luc said with his strong French accent. "A man has come for you."

"A man?" he stated trying to wipe the dust and grit off of his glasses.

"Yes," Jean Luc said smiling. "There," he said pointing over to their camp.

Daniel put his glasses back on and squinted his eyes some as some military jeeps and a few Air Force men came into view. "What do 'they' want," he hissed out.

"They say to talk," Jean Luc said.

"Well, tell them I'm not interested," he said stooping back down to look at the small stone again.

"You don't want to know what they're here for?" he asked confusingly. Jean Luc was the newest addition to Daniels crew. Unlike the rest, he had no idea about Daniel's dislike for the military. In his eyes, Daniel was passing up something major. Especially if it brought the military seeking you out. With that thought, he ignored Daniel and began to wave them over.

Daniel caught the movement behind him and jumped up grabbing Jean Luc's hands, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Jean Luc, startled at the anger he saw in Daniel's eyes, stuttered out, "They just want to talk. Let's find out what they want. It could be something...."

"I don't give a damn what you think Jean Luc," he hissed out trying to control his fear as he saw them making their way over to them. "I honestly don't care what 'they' want," he said loud enough so that they could hear him. "I don't like the way they operate. Whatever they have to say to me, they can keep it. Because I don't want to hear it," and with that, he stormed off. Glaring at them as he made his way over to their camp site. He walked into his tent and plopped down on his sleeping bag. He covered his face with shaking hands. 'Don't you see Jean Luc,' he thought to himself. 'I can't work with them, I just can't.' Daniel laid down and cursed his terror of running into Ben.

******************************

Though, deep down inside, he really wanted to do a lot of things that he had been approached with, but the fear of accidentally running into Ben was much deeper. He hated that after all these years Benjamin Stuart still had a profound effect on him. But he just couldn't help it. Over the years of trying to analyze what went wrong, dealing with the painful loss of Sean and Mary, not being able to go and visit their grave sites for fear of running into 'him' and being blamed for their deaths, and having nightmares of Ben morphing into some hideous monster that always left him drenched in sweat gasping for air when he woke up, he had unwillingly given the man immortal qualities. Qualities that at this stage in his life, he was not ready to battle. Better yet, at any stage of his life. How do you battle something that is immortal? How do you destroy it? Yes, he was being, in his eyes, a whimp. But he just couldn't help it. Besides, he had more important things to be strong about. Like, trying to convince the science world of his new theories about ancient Egypt.

******************************

Over the next few years, Daniel found himself fighting a losing battle. He had been laughed at, teased, and even had his life threatened from the scientific community on his theories about ancient cultures and writings. Once, he was even physically removed by a guard whom claimed that he was being a trouble maker and to never show his face there again. Now banned from many prestigious organizations, being shut out of governmental grants, and earning a reputation for being insane, he'd finally reached the end of his rope. He had one more lecture to give and prayed to God that at least one person would hear him out entirely. That's all he wanted, to be heard out completely. Because this lecture was going to be a major turning point in his life. Now flat broke except for the change in his pocket, homeless with nothing to show he ever had a home and two suitcases filled to the rim with his fathers and mothers journals, Sean and Mary's photos he collected from them, and his own journals and books that he had collected over the years, Daniel headed for the last place where he was either going to leave with nothing more than what he walked in with or something more.

******************************

Several hours later, Daniel stepped into the coffee shop and pealed off his soaking wet coat. He made his way to a lone corner booth near the back, dropped his suitcases on the floor under the table and his coat in the seat across from him.

"What can I get for you today hun," a waitress said snatching a white towel off of her shoulder and wiping water droplets off of the table.

"Uh coffee and some toast," Daniel said noticing the way the waitress was smacking on some gum and two pencils sticking out of her blonde curly hair with specks of gray showing through.

"Will that be all?"

"Uhm yes Ma'am."

"Ma'am?" the waitress said sharply putting her hands on her hips. "I ain't no Ma'am young man. All you see is my gray. Call me Laura," she said holding her hand out to shake his.

"Sorry," he said sincerely.

"Oh," she said waving her hand. "Don't worry about it hun. Just give me a hallah if you need anything else."

Daniel nodded his head as he watched her walk away. He sat in silence staring out the window for a few minutes before Laura came back.

"Here ya are hun," she said placing a steaming hot cup of coffee in front of him and a plate of toast. "Want cream or sugar with that."

"Uhm...No...black is fine."

She nodded her head, "All right, I'll be back later on to check on ya O.K."

Daniel mumbled a quick thank you as she walked off again.

Slowly, he wrapped his hands around his steaming hot cup of coffee and took a long deep sip. Savoring the warmth as it spread throughout his body. He stared back out of the window watching the rain as it danced on the sidewalk. Occasionally, he'd stretch out his legs and tap his life. Well, all he had left that he could stuff into his two suitcases. Sighing heavily, he allowed his thoughts to wonder.

******************************

Daniel found himself back at the podium in the conference room. Desperately trying for the umpteenth time to convince 'the' top scientists from around the world his latest theories on ancient writings. For awhile there, even though things where getting a tad bit crazed, he held their interest. Now, if only he could write fast enough to get his theories on the board, he might actually have a satisfied crowd for the first time since he started this tirade. Unfortunately, unsurprising to him, the one question that he dreaded was asked.

"Well Dr. Jackson," one lone voice called out over the crowd. "Who do you think built the pyramids?"

'Damn,' he thought. 'How the hell am I supposed to answer that?' Stifling a frustrated sigh, he slowly turned around and told the truth. "Well," he said waving his hands nervously. "I don't have any idea who built them," he said trying to ignore the scene of people leaving. "But that's not the point," he rambled on quickly trying hard to catch someone's attention. A few seconds later, he found himself standing in the room alone. With a deep sigh of frustration, he slumped down to sit on the platform. "What am I doing?" he asked himself quietly as he took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. 'Well Dr. Jackson,' he thought. 'There goes what was left of your career. Not that you had much of one anyway.' With a half laugh half sigh sound, he dropped his head and covered his hands over his face, contemplating what he was going to do now and where he was going to go.

******************************

"I said if you wanted a refill on your coffee hun," Laura said studying him curiously.

"Oh...uhm...I'm sorry. Yes...please."

Laura poured him another cup and asked, "Girl trouble?"

"Excuse me?" he asked confused.

"Girl trouble," she repeated setting his cup down in front of him. "The look you have on your face tells me that you're having problems with your girl. Wanna talk about it?"

"Uhm...no...no...I'm fine," he responded unsure of himself. "Thank you for your concern though."

"Ya sure hun," she insisted. "Sometimes, it helps to get it off your chest. Sometimes talking to a stranger can be very good as well."

"No...ma'a....Uh...Laura. I'm fine," he said forcing a smile.

"All right then hun. I'll be back later to check on ya." She looked down at his plate. "Ya want some more toast?"

"No thank you."

"All right then," she said as she walked away, occasionally glancing back at him.

He sat there nurturing his fresh cup of coffee. Staring out the window watching as the rain began to let up some, he allowed his thoughts to wonder again.

******************************

Daniel walked down the steps as quickly as he could. He ignored the laughter, comments about him believing aliens and little green men had built the pyramids, and little sounds insinuating that he had lost his mind as he finally made it outside. He welcomed the chill that spread throughout his body as the cold wind from the rain hit him. Tightening his grip on his suitcases, he pulled his coat closed and was prepared to wonder around in the rain when someone called his name.

"Excuse me, Dr. Jackson," someone said to him.

"Yes," he answered automatically as he looked up and froze. 'Air Force,' he thought as he studied the mans uniform. He felt his nerves flare up. 'What do they want?' he thought cursing the images that it brought to his mind.

"Someone would like to have a word with you Sir," the officer said, gesturing towards a black limousine.

'Oh God,' he thought as he stared at the tinted windows. 'What if.....' he shook his head slightly as he scratched that thought. 'Calm down Jackson,' he said to himself. 'They just want to ask you the same thing every other military branch has asked you. Just say what you always say and leave it at that.' He took a deep nervous breath, "Who...who is it?"

"If you could just step over to the car sir?" the officer asked gently.

Daniel studied him and the car curiously. 'I can just see who it is. It want hurt any,' he thought taking a deep nervous swallow. His mind made up, he reached a shaking hand down to pick up his suitcases.

"I've got these sir," the officer said opening the door for him to get in.

He took a nervous look in the car and released a breath of relief when he saw an older woman sitting there. With one last glance behind him, he stepped in and closed the door.

******************************

Daniel jumped out of his thoughts as he heard something crashing. He looked around to see a young waitress stooped down picking up broken dishes. He listened to her saying that she was sorry over and over again as the owner yelled at her as he bent down to help her clean up the mess. He looked up and forced a smile when he saw Laura coming over towards him.

"Poor child," she said pouring him another cup of coffee. "I remember my days of making messes. Boss'll chew her out from now till she quits. Hell, my mistake was years ago and he still chews my rump," she said amusingly. With a quick glance to see if her boss was still occupied, she slipped in the seat across from Daniel, pushing his coat towards the wall. "I'm sorry honey," she said sincerely. "But I've been watching you ever since you came in here. And I just can't let you sit here looking like your dog just died. Why don't you talk to me," she said gently. "I don't have to say a word. People have called me a great listener," she said hopefully.

Daniel shook his head no, but his eyes were unsure. He tilted his head to the side and studied her. "It's nothing...really," he said unconvincingly.

Laura just sat there staring at him crossing her arms on the table. "Oh goodness me. I don't even know your name handsome," she stated trying a new tactic.

"Daniel. It's uhm...Daniel Jackson," he said blushing a bit.

"It's good to meet you Daniel Jackson," she said smiling. "Now that we're better acquainted, why don't you tell me about this girl of yours that has you lost in Bonkers."

Titling his head at the phrase, he found himself talking. "She's not a girlfriend."

"Oh"

"I mean," he stumbled out. "She's not my girlfriend."

"Uh huh."

"She's, well, I just met her about an hour ago. She approached me with a proposition."

"A proposition," she repeated fighting to hide the smirk on her face.

Daniel looked up and realized what he had just said. "No..no...it's not what you think."

Laura shook her head not really believing him. "Well, what did she say?"

"She offered me a job," he said unenthused. "A chance to do what I've been trying to do for most of my life."

"For something you've been wanting to do for awhile, you sure don't sound that excited about it," she observed.

"It's not that I'm not excited," he said sitting up straighter in his seat. "Don't get me wrong, I mean, I would jump at an opportunity like this no questions asked. I mean, to have proof of what I've been saying all along. To finally, be able to see that I was right all this time. To prove to everyone that I have not completely gone mad," he said looking as if he was about to jump out of his seat.

"My God honey," she said thinking of the passion he had in his eyes. "Then why are you so down young man? It sounds to me that you have just been offered the opportunity of a life time."

Daniel slouched back down in his seat and sighed. "I'd have to work with the military."

"The military?" she asked. "What's so bad about that?"

Daniel dropped his eyes down on his cup of coffee. "I'm not a real fan of them, that's all."

Laura studied him and knew that there was more to it than just that, but chose not to push. "Honey, a lot of people don't like working with the military. But the good thing is, they came to you asking you for help. Whatever it is, I'm sure they'll accommodate whatever your needs are. I mean," she said with a laugh, "it's not everyday that those fools admit to needing help from anyone. Personally, I'd feel honored."

Daniel let a small smile grace his face.

"Listen hun, what ever your worries are about working with them, I just can't see them standing in the way of you pursuing your dreams. In just that brief moment when you where explaining to me your feelings of this opportunity, I saw more passion in your eyes than I've seen in my entire life time. And that's a long time, if I may," she chuckled out trying to lighten the mood. "I want you to think about all that you can lose if you decide to except this job." She waited for a moment as she sensed his wheels turning.

"Well," he half laughed half sighed out. "That's easy. Let's see, I was evicted from my apartment earlier today so I have no place to live. I completely screwed up any chances I had of furthering my career after the conference this morning. And the only things I have with me are not even worth any effort from a petty thief. To sum it up, I've basically hit rock bottom."

Laura looked at him sympathetically, "Well, it looks to me like you've all ready made up your mind."

"Huh?"

She let a smile grace her face, "Honey, you said it yourself. You have no home, no job, and nothing worth stealing. So, if the only thing that you may lose is the clothes on your back in exchange for some clean military duds, I don't see a problem. I'm sure they'll provide a place for you to stay and you'll be doing something you enjoy. A luxury every human being on this Earth dreams about. Not to mention the chance to prove to everyone that you were right all along. If not for those reasons, from what I've seen here, the thrill alone should be one hell of a ride for ya. It seems to me, that your worries are nothing compared to everything that you will gain. The least you can do is go and check it out for awhile, see how you like it. At least then, you won't be sitting around in some dirty back alley or better yet, an old coffee shop talking to an old woman wondering 'what if'." She stood up and patted him on his shoulder, "Why don't you take some time and think about it a little hun. I'm sure whatever you decide, it'll be the right choice." With that said, she placed the bill in front of him, gave him a wink and walked away.

Danny sat silently staring after her for what seemed like an eternity. He let his eyes drift over the few people that were sitting in the coffee shop. It was getting late, so the lunch rush was over. Now, there was only old men and homeless people in there sipping on steaming hot cups of coffee. Every once in awhile he'd hear a cough here and there. As his eyes roamed, he locked gazes with an old dirty homeless man who lifted his cup of coffee, acknowledging a hello. Daniel nodded his head and reached up to grab his cup of coffee. He heard someone start laughing out loud. Right before he took a sip, he saw himself. Sitting right in front of him where the old homeless man was sitting at. He was dirty, old, worn down, and was clearly carrying a heavy load of regret. The laughter he heard began to get louder and louder as it seemed like time had slowed around him. He saw a shadow looming over the old him and hesitantly looked up to see Ben standing over him laughing and hugging a beer bottle.

"I told you. Didn't I tell ya DJ. I told you that you'd be nothing. I told you that no one would want to be around you. You're worthless. Everything is your fault. Everything," Ben said laughing evilly.

Danny watched himself cringed into the corner of the booth, agreeing with everything Ben said. Suddenly, he saw Ben begin to grow taller and bigger while still laughing. "I'm better than you DJ. For your nothing without me. Nothing, you worthless piece of shit," he said as he drew back a hand and swung it to slap him.

"NO," Daniel yelled out, abruptly slamming his coffee back down and jumping up from his seat. Oblivious to the startled stares he was getting. He scrambled to drop his money on the table, grabbed his bags and coat and rushed out. Stopping just before he reached the door to mouth a quick thank you to Laura. Then he turned and ran out into the street flagging down cabs, for he had a plane to catch and a devil to beat, or rather a chance to prove to himself that Benjamin Stuart did not run his life.

The End

Disclaimers:: Stargate Sg-1 and it's characters, backstory, dialog, and images contained within these pages are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I ask that you please respect the legal ownership rights of the companies involved. This story is for entertainment purposes only and absolutely no money was earned nor distributed. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and stories are the property of the author. This story may not be posted else where without the personal written consent/agreement of the author. I ask that you please respect and abide by my wishes.