Am I Evil?
A/N OK, This was a spur-of-the-drunken-moment kind of thing. I was really sugar high when I wrote this. Don't yell at me about how messed up it is 'cause I know, I just thought it was kind of funny when I read it later. NOTE: bad language.
Disclaimer: The song belongs to Metalica and Harry Potter and Voldemorte belong to JKR and so only the twisted plot that could only come from an even more twisted mind is mine.
Voldemorte glares at Harry once again in his clutches for certain he will die this time (he is getting a little sick of chasing him every damn year). He grins wickedly.
"You evil son of a bitch!" Harry spits at him.
"Temper, temper, young man. Me evil? I prefer to use the term a Dark Genius, but if evil works for you..." To Harry's horror, Voldemorte begins to torture him in song with a Metalica tune!
"My mother was a witch, she was burned alive
Thankless little bitch, for the tears I cried
Take her down now, don't want to see her face
All blistered and burnt, can't hide my disgrace
"Twenty seven, everyone was nice
Gotta see 'em, make 'em pay the price
See their bodies out on the ice
Take my time
"Am I evil?
Yes I am
Am I evil?
I am, man
Yes I am
"As I watched my mother die, I lost my head
Revenge now I sought, to break with my bread
Takin' no chances, you come with me
I'll split you to the bone, help set you free
"Twenty seven, everyone was nice
Gotta see 'em, make 'em pay the price
See their bodies out on the ice
Take my time
"Am I evil?
Yes I am
Am I evil?
I am man
Yes I am
"Oh kill me now!" Harry pleads.
"In a minute, I'm all most done!"
"On with the action now, I'll strip your pride
I'll spread your blood around, I'll see you ride
Your face is scarred with steel, wounds deep and neat
Like a double dozen before ya, smells so sweet
"Am I evil?
Yes I am
Am I evil?
I am man
"I'll make my residence, I'll watch your fire
You can come with me, sweet desire
My face is long forgot, my face not my own
Sweet and timely death, take me home
"Am I evil?
Yes I am
Am I evil?
I am man
"My soul is longing for, await my heir
Sent to avenge my mother, sleep myself
My face is long forgot, my face not my own
Sweet and timely death, take me home
"Am I evil?
Yes I am
Am I evil?
I am man
Am I evil?
Yes I fucking am
Am I evil?
I am man, yeah!" Voldemorte finishes his little number, "So, what do you think? I like to know what my enemies think of my singing,"
"Uh, do you want the truth or the I'm-only-saying-this-so-you-kill-me-quick-and-fast -version?"
"The I'm-only-saying-this-so-you-kill-me-quick-and-fast -version,"
"It was brilliant. You know, you should sing in an opera or something,"
"Thank you, Potter," Voldemorte says, politely, "You know, have you ever thought of becoming a Death Eater and sucking up to me in ways you've never imagined? Because then maybe I won't kill you after all..."
"Actually, I've dreaded that idea since I first heard of you but when you say it, it actually sounds kind of... intriguing..."
"It does, doesn't it? Now, how about I untie you, like the foolish kidnapper in every movie/book/fan fiction, so you could be free to run away or kill me or do something else equally bad to foul my plans? Then I could chase you for a little while, you could run away from me for a little while screaming for help, and sit down for some nice tea and biscuits after, when we get tired? We could discuss the proposition,"
"You know what, Voldie, I think you have an idea," Harry smiles up at his 'captor'
"Very well, hold still so I can untie you, Harry ol' buddie, ol' pal! Then we can have a jolly good time!" Voldemorte pats Harry on the head as if he was a child and begins to untie his ropes. They run for a little while, the occasional swearing ("You fucking bastard"), and then they sat down together in little pink aprons to drink tea.
The Very End
A/N OK, This was a spur-of-the-drunken-moment kind of thing. I was really sugar high when I wrote this. Don't yell at me about how messed up it is 'cause I know, I just thought it was kind of funny when I read it later. NOTE: bad language.
Disclaimer: The song belongs to Metalica and Harry Potter and Voldemorte belong to JKR and so only the twisted plot that could only come from an even more twisted mind is mine.
Voldemorte glares at Harry once again in his clutches for certain he will die this time (he is getting a little sick of chasing him every damn year). He grins wickedly.
"You evil son of a bitch!" Harry spits at him.
"Temper, temper, young man. Me evil? I prefer to use the term a Dark Genius, but if evil works for you..." To Harry's horror, Voldemorte begins to torture him in song with a Metalica tune!
"My mother was a witch, she was burned alive
Thankless little bitch, for the tears I cried
Take her down now, don't want to see her face
All blistered and burnt, can't hide my disgrace
"Twenty seven, everyone was nice
Gotta see 'em, make 'em pay the price
See their bodies out on the ice
Take my time
"Am I evil?
Yes I am
Am I evil?
I am, man
Yes I am
"As I watched my mother die, I lost my head
Revenge now I sought, to break with my bread
Takin' no chances, you come with me
I'll split you to the bone, help set you free
"Twenty seven, everyone was nice
Gotta see 'em, make 'em pay the price
See their bodies out on the ice
Take my time
"Am I evil?
Yes I am
Am I evil?
I am man
Yes I am
"Oh kill me now!" Harry pleads.
"In a minute, I'm all most done!"
"On with the action now, I'll strip your pride
I'll spread your blood around, I'll see you ride
Your face is scarred with steel, wounds deep and neat
Like a double dozen before ya, smells so sweet
"Am I evil?
Yes I am
Am I evil?
I am man
"I'll make my residence, I'll watch your fire
You can come with me, sweet desire
My face is long forgot, my face not my own
Sweet and timely death, take me home
"Am I evil?
Yes I am
Am I evil?
I am man
"My soul is longing for, await my heir
Sent to avenge my mother, sleep myself
My face is long forgot, my face not my own
Sweet and timely death, take me home
"Am I evil?
Yes I am
Am I evil?
I am man
Am I evil?
Yes I fucking am
Am I evil?
I am man, yeah!" Voldemorte finishes his little number, "So, what do you think? I like to know what my enemies think of my singing,"
"Uh, do you want the truth or the I'm-only-saying-this-so-you-kill-me-quick-and-fast -version?"
"The I'm-only-saying-this-so-you-kill-me-quick-and-fast -version,"
"It was brilliant. You know, you should sing in an opera or something,"
"Thank you, Potter," Voldemorte says, politely, "You know, have you ever thought of becoming a Death Eater and sucking up to me in ways you've never imagined? Because then maybe I won't kill you after all..."
"Actually, I've dreaded that idea since I first heard of you but when you say it, it actually sounds kind of... intriguing..."
"It does, doesn't it? Now, how about I untie you, like the foolish kidnapper in every movie/book/fan fiction, so you could be free to run away or kill me or do something else equally bad to foul my plans? Then I could chase you for a little while, you could run away from me for a little while screaming for help, and sit down for some nice tea and biscuits after, when we get tired? We could discuss the proposition,"
"You know what, Voldie, I think you have an idea," Harry smiles up at his 'captor'
"Very well, hold still so I can untie you, Harry ol' buddie, ol' pal! Then we can have a jolly good time!" Voldemorte pats Harry on the head as if he was a child and begins to untie his ropes. They run for a little while, the occasional swearing ("You fucking bastard"), and then they sat down together in little pink aprons to drink tea.
The Very End