Dear Diary
by LadyArashi
March 14, 2001
Dear Diary,
I don't know, I think I'm kind of too old for this kind of thing. I guess, I really don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I used to think that I knew everything about this world because I was sixteen. Yeah, whatever. According to Jack, I'm "not Fi" and that I should go "back where I came from". Carey and Clu are not quite that obvious, but I can tell that they wish that I was gone and Fi was here. And Molly. She's the worst. Not because she says anything rude--just the opposite. She tries to make me feel at home so much that she practically smothers me. I can't blame her, though, she's the only person that was really close to Fi that doesn't think I'm the lowest life-form on Earth. I gotta go. Molly and I are gonna rehearse "One in a Million."
~*Annie Thelen*~
March 17, 2001
Dear Diary,
Jack's even worse this week! I don't TRY to be Fi, you know, I just attract weird stuff!! If Fi herself was as rude as everyone else, then I'd probably be able to hate her as much as I hate Jack. But I can't--she's too nice! I mean it! But she has way too much faith in Jack. Can you believe it? She actually thinks that Jack will change this attitude! He will not, I can tell you that. Is it possible to simultaneously hate and love a person? If it is, I'm glad, that means that I'm not going insane. I like Fi, but I hate her memory. I mean, even the bed I sleep in smells like Fi. I hate it. Everything I do is judged by the fact that I either try to be like Fi, or I'm too different from Fi to be any good to the world.
~*Annie Thelen*~
March 25, 2001
Dear Diary,
Do I have a sign on my back that reads, "Pick on Me"?! The world does NOT revolve around Fi, you know!! I know that Jack loves her, and I respect that. But Fi chose to leave the Tour by herself, it wasn't my fault! Jack has somehow concluded that I drove Fi away from her family. As IF! I wanted Fi to come with us! But NO, she said that she was going to live with her aunt! I think I've found it in myself to hate Fi at last.
~*Annie Thelen*~
March 28, 2001
Dear Diary,
It's about time. Fi's decided that she wants to come back to the Tour before school ends. Maybe, I thought, I could finally have some peace. But NO! Jack's being a jerk again. I really don't know how Gabe stands him. He spent the entire morning taunting me about how I was going to leave and Fi was going to come back. And after lunch, I heard him talking with one of the other guys-I couldn't tell if it was Clu or Carey-about me. And they were not nice things, either. Maybe I don't hate Fi-but I do hate the guys. After all, she can't help it. I can't believe they're related.
~*Annie Thelen*~
April 02, 2001
Dear Diary,
Fi will be here in a week. I finished writing a song yesterday, but I didn't have any time to write you yesterday. Now I'm talking to a diary that can't talk back. How weird do I get? Just in case my laptop crashes or Jack goes crazy and smashes it (I wouldn't put it past him), here are the lyrics (it's called Stay True):
All through my life I've seen so many/Smiling faces come and go/Some of them have tried to bring my spirit low/Don't know why they'd want to
'Cause they see my heart's devoted/To the one who always knows/When to hold my hand so tight or let it go/Can't they see your love's just right
I hear people talking/But there's no way I'm stopping/Empty words won't change my love for you
CHORUS: I'm gonna stay true/I don't want someone new/I'm gonna stay true to you/I'm gonna stay true/This is my attitude/I'm gonna stay true to you/Nobody else will do
Oh, they're trying to convince me/That your love is just a lie/That I might as well be listening to the sky/Don't know what they're thinking
Saying you won't really love me/When you know what's deep inside/You'll just go 'cause you're above the sacrifice/Can't they see they're out of line
One thing that I know of/They can't steal your love/Doubting words won't change my point of view
CHORUS
This is all I want out of life/Please know your love I will not deny/Whoa, I believe/ That your love is real/You won't ever leave/That they'll never steal
So what did you think, Diary? But I don't know why I'm writing such an optimistic song. If anyone ever reads this, the music to the song is in my black folder.
~*Annie Thelen*~
April 9, 2001
Dear Diary,
Having Fi back isn't what I thought it would be. Yes, Jack and the guys are off my back, but now it's like I don't exist. Like I'm not even there at all. Fi's been pretty nice to me, though, but I can't wait to go home. And it hasn't even been a day since she came. I'm starting to think that there's only two ways out of this.
~*Annie Thelen*~
April 12, 2001
Dear Diary,
There are two ways out of it, that I'm sure of. My parents aren't coming for me until two months from now. There is, of course, running away, but for some reason I'm attracted to the other option more...Suicide.
~*Annie Thelen*~
April 14, 2001
Dear Diary,
Maybe I should kill myself. It would be the easiest way. The fastest way. I wonder if Jack would even care if I did. I wonder if Clu or Carey would care. Or Fi. Probably not. But I don't care. If I do end up committing suicide, you'll know first, Diary. Today was even worse. Even Fi ignored me.
~*Annie Thelen*~
April 20, 2001
Dear Diary,
I was flipping through radio stations today and on one there was this song that began like this: Images flash across my TV screen/Another broken heart comes into view. How right they are. When I first met Jack, I had this enormous crush on him. It's hard to believe that now, but it's true. I had this overwhelming desire to be accepted by him. Fortunately, that eventually faded. You know what, Diary? I wish I was back with my parents. No, wait. No, that would be a lie to say that. I don't want to be with them either. They shoved me off on Molly to eagerly for me to want to. The only place I want to go is death. I don't care if I end up in heaven or hell, it's got to be better than this situation.
~*Annie Thelen*~
April 24, 2001
Dear Diary,
I have the knife in my other hand. All it will take is two short slashes in my wrists. All it will take to die, to finally be in peace. At last. Peace.
A beautiful woman with long brown hair and chocolate brown eyes flipped through the pages of a small book, presumably a diary. "Oh, Annie," she whispered softly.
--FLASHBACK--
"Baby, go get Annie for dinner," Molly said, and Fi agreed.
As she walked up to the room she and Annie shared, she was hit with a sense of foreboding. So strong that she stopped and leaned against the wall for support. Drawing up her strength, she stood back up and opened the door.
What she saw would live in her memory forever.
Annie was lying on the floor, facedown, her right hand cupping a small book. Her diary, Fi realized. She spent so much time writing in it; she never went anywhere without it.
That wasn't a very big deal, though. At first Fi thought that Annie was just asleep. Had just fallen asleep writing in her diary. But then Fi noticed that both of her wrists were stained with crimson blood that soaked into the carpet. A knife lay nearby, and it, too, was darkened with blood. Annie's blood.
But the thing that surprised her the most was that Annie was smiling softly, like she was sleeping and having a good dream.
Fi sank to her knees, not even able to cry.
She wasn't aware of what happened next. Later, other people said that she screamed.
"Honey, what's wrong?" asked an alarmed Molly as she and Jack and the guys entered the room. The older woman gasped softly at the obvious suicide. "Oh, my . . .," Molly trailed, unable to continue. The guys just stared.
Fi wasn't able to say anything. She couldn't hear anything but her own guilty thoughts.
You killed her. Her father's voice. It's your fault. You should've paid more attention, said her father's voice. You were so caught up in finally coming home that you completely ignored her.
No, Daddy! Fi heard her own voice say in her head. It wasn't my fault, it really wasn't!
END FLASHBACK
Fi kneeled by a white gravestone and laid a white rose down on the grave. "You know, Annie? When someone dies, the hurt never goes away."
I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR A SINGLE ANTI-ANNIE THING AT ALL.